Levels of Competency

What is your level of competency? And how did you get there?

This morning, my daughter was dismayed because the milk was a full gallon and she was afraid she would spill it.

So I poured it for her.

Intervening for kids can be helpful, and it can inhibit them.

By helping her out, I was just avoiding her frustration and struggle to attempt to pour it without spilling it. She simply just doesn't have the skill.

And she will never get it with me helping her out.

There is a long term impact for intervening for children in the form of "help". There is no sense of accomplishment achieved for her by me stepping in. There is not frustration either.

Frustration is merely a step toward growth. By getting frustrated and moving passed it is how we grow. We learn from our frustration how not to do something.

A few weeks ago, Aspen was getting her braces off. Two of her baby teeth had braces on them, and when the Dr. went to remove the brace off one of them, the tooth started wiggling and bleeding. She instantly begged the Dr. to leave them on (after he offered since the tooth was coming out eventually anyway). I told him that wasn't gonna happen and I had to do some quick counseling to my child. I explained that not only would she regret it, but it wasn't an option to leave it on. I held her hand and helped her breathe through it while he pulled them off. As Aspen went to rinse her mouth, I talked to the dental assistant and she said, "You would be surprised how many parents would have left their kids with the brace on so they wouldn't feel any discomfort". She actually gave me Kudos for being so stern.

She laughed further when Aspen came back to the chair and saw the brace (all red) and asked "what is that?" and I answered curtly "That's your blood". Aspen crinkled her nose.

I explained to her that there are things that are not negotiable, and not everything we do is pleasant. But we have to get through it.

I asked her this morning if she was glad she got the braces removed and she said yes. Then I made her look me in the eye while I told her "Mommy was right, huh!?"

Yes it was a little glib. But I had to make my point that we as parents have hindsight that we bring to every day life. And that my kids need to trust us as parents to guide them.

My kids have many accomplishments. Milk is not one of them....yet.

I am not afraid of letting my kids get frustrated, mad or super angry. Their emotions do not scare me. As long as they are growing from them. It is most healthy to see them struggle to figure something out.

The more they get frustrated the quicker they become competent. If you get in the way and spend your time saving them stop and think who you are really saving. A moment of your sanity may cost them a lifetime of inadequacy.

Happy Wednesday.