We have officially crashed.

I woke up this morning, sinuses flaring, eyes feeling puffy, head feeling like it doesn't want to leave my pillow. I don't blame it.

I went to my computer.....it has shut down. I can't start it, because, apparently my hard drives are too much for the little starter to turn it all on again, so I may have to call in my techie to help. Even my computer has had enough. I am sure my last download of over 2,000 images for the last show was a little more than it wanted to handle. I thought I heard it say 'uncle' last night, but as I was too tired to listen.....I just loaded it up and walked away. Poor thing.

Today I have three meetings. Not only do I have to suck up my complete depletion....I have to somehow bring it for the 90 members I will see throughout the day.

I have been shooting so much, I am not sure I remember how to conduct these meetings. It seriously feels like it has been that long. Ughhhh.....

Somehow, when I stand in front of the members, the energy starts flowing. I have found that I really respond to people. Once they are all in the room, I will be able to do what is necessary, and when the meeting convenes, you will inevitably find me on the floor trying to recover. When the last. Person goes out the door from each meeting....so will my energy.

Though Thursdays are my hardest day, they are usually my favorite. Something happens on this day that gets people talking and engaged. When people feel comfortable enough to talk in front of others.....that is really special. My Thursday people are very candid and open. It is great. It helps me forget that my body feels like it has been hit by a Mack truck, and that my computer is on strike (I am writing on my IPad).

There is no milk in the house. If you read my post yesterday....you probably assumed that I went and got some.....but my morning got away from me, and before I knew it, I had to leave the house and not come back until the evening hours. It must not have been a priority, because no one else thought to pick some up, and no one called me to grab it on the way home.

And with any luck, I will be gone for the day, when the angry mob gets up and wants cereal. (Like a criminal leaving the scene of a crime......)

If they are desperate enough, they will use the almond milk in the house. But I seriously doubt it. They would rather complain about what they don't have then try something they assume they won't like. Little buggers.....

Maybe I will get a call to pick some up on my way home today. And if I don't I will be too tired to remember I am sure. And if there isn't any for tomorrow's cereal ...... I work, so hopefully I will be gone once again, before the angry mob comes to complain.....work has it's benefits!

Happy Thursday

One last time.

I'm beginning to think I'll get to sleep when I'm dead!  Between the alarm clock (for hubby) and the birds outside and my brain leaping into action.....sleep ain't happenin'!

Once again, I'm the single body up and roaming the house (hubby's off to work).  I tried to lay in bed, but my mind started thinking, and once that happens....forget it! 

The milk is almost empty and there are 7 kids in the house "in need".  However, as I write, I have been up for an hour and a half and haven't even considered going to the store.  Mentally, I'm just not there year.  And since everyone is still asleep....there's no urgency.

It is the last night of recital.  A bittersweet night.  The kids have worked so hard and done so well.  With each night an additional prop is missing (I notice this from my seat).  For both of my kids; all but two dances are left.  The costumes from the rest of the dances are no doubt, carelessly thrown about, discarded if you will, because my children are now done with them!  Thank God I'm a photographer, and I have the pictures to prove that my children wore and performed in them!

This morning, I'm sifting through pictures, looking for my favorites.  But I have decided I will call on a few consultants before posting some, because inevitably, when I post, I get a comment from a dancer that a foot was out of place, or the jump was "almost" right, or my favorite....."oh....my fingers aren't correct".  Sometimes, I just get an "Ewwwwww....."  Which doesn't offend me in the least.  Most of the dancers are in their teen, or pre-teen years.  

It's actually a good sign that they are so critical.   That would indicate they care about what they are doing. 

I wasn't sure how much Aspen has grasped in the last year of her taking ballet.  This is new to her, and though I was VERY proud of her performance, it was a class that she complained about most.  (Only because it was slow and repetitious compared to her tumbling passion).  I asked her one day during one of the shows which of the girls were doing the best ballet performance in this dance (that we were watching).  She called out three names.  (No, I'm not telling you which ones.  But two I knew, and one I didn't). 

Her answer showed me that she had taken in much of the technique and she knew what to look for.  This made me more proud than just seeing her perform.  Dance is learning.  It is another language.  It does take effort.  And these kids work very hard.

As I was waiting for pictures to download last night, I found some pictures I had taken in 2004.  As I have been doing this for many years, it's fun to be able to look back and see how the kids have grown.  First, of course, I look for Aspen (Avery was too young).  I see her in her first performance, dancing to "A Spoonful of Sugar".    (tried to post pics yet again.....won't upload....sorry)

As I go through the pictures and see how all the girls have grown, I feel a tug at my heartstrings.  I pulled a few and posted them for the girls to look at.  Many of them are still in dance and have been increasing their skills for the last 7 years (at least.....).  What an honor to watch them grow, and to have been able to document it all.

I do not have a good memory......I have a camera. My camera helps me to remember.  It justifies the cost of the costumes, and the images bring me back to that moment in time.  I can still feel my pride when I see 'little' Aspen on stage.  

And tonite, when the little monkeys, zebras, elephants and popcorn girls come out on stage (as well as our little fireworks), I'll tear up again...while watching all their efforts pay off one last time!!!!

Happy Wednesday!

Geocaching

Yesterday, I decided to take a break from my schedule.  I promised the girls an afternoon out.  We decided to do Geocaching. 

For anyone who hasn't done this before, it's really fun.  It takes a little knowledge or research (mostly because of the lingo), but it's like treasure hunting by GPS.

I downloaded an App for my Iphone.  It can search for caches by my location.  There is a description and a difficulty level, as well as recent logs (people who found the cache) and coordinates if you want to get really technical.

We did this while we were up in Sacramento with my little brother.  I know many other people do it, but without someone showing me, I would have had a harder time picking it up.  Even Chris was like a kid in a candy store when we went looking.  As soon as we would get near a location, everyone would scatter, looking for the clues left for us.  And it didn't matter who found the cache; they were giddy with joy!  (some, you only sign your name, others have trinkets in there that you can trade for).

This is big business.  If you got Geocaching.com, you can find out more.  Some people have chips made with unique numbers, and some are travel bugs with a destination in mind.  Very fun stuff.

As we set out yesterday, we were having lunch locally.   The girls and I decided to go for the closest one, which was actually in the same parking lot area where we were.  This was a tricky one, and Avery spotted it. 

One thing about Geocaching; people can be very tricky in placing stuff.  The way this one was hidden was very creative.  You have to be able to assume it's anywhere!

The next cache we skipped (the girls were not happy), because I think it was in some brush, and as it was hot and I have seen snakes recently, I decided not to take the chance.

The last one we did was very creative as well.  When you place a cache, you have to put it somewhere that people can't find it.  That means, if there are gardeners in the area; it should be put in a place even they won't disturb it.

Aspen spotted our last one of the day.  This one was in a container and had trinkets in it.  BUT....we left our trinkets in the car, so we just signed our names and left.

Very interesting thing about this activity.  You get a lot of exercise.  We must have walked a few miles while searching.  We even jogged at one point.  One of our finds was .5 miles from our parking spot.  And we went the wrong way the first time, so we had to turn around, I'm guessing we got in a good two miles!

I know there are many more around our area.  I told the girls there is one that is a good walking distance away.  I'm thinking of taking the Norwegians with me so we can all partake.  It's a great family activity.  And though it sounds like one big advertisement; it really is just a fun new way to get the family together to play and work as a team and relieve some stress. 

And as I have been glued to my computer for the last few weeks.....I'll take that relief!

Happy Tuesday!

Imagin-A-tion!!!!!

Last three days of recital.  My body is starting to feel it.  I have to sit on the chair unfolded, because it puts me higher.  It's kind of like sitting on a  2x4 for 3 hours.  First couple of days are easy; but this morning, I woke up and I'm feelin' it for sure.  However, I got to sleep in until 8:30.  That was awesome. 

I woke up to a beautiful day.  I thought I was the first one to get up, but when the little one's started trickling down, I got reports that my niece, sis and bro in law were already out jogging.  Nice! 

I'm feeling a little wavery on what I should do today.  As my kids will be stuck here with me, I think I need to do something fun with them.  HEY.....THERE'S A THOUGHT!!!

Monday is usually my 'day off'.  I have to schedule one of those in, even though I rarely use it as a day off.  But I think today may call for it. 

If my sis wasn't going all the way to LA, I would consider tagging along.  However, with a possible 2 hour commute there, and back; that would give me about 2 hours in LA.  Not a fun day.

So....with this beautiful day, what shall we do?  I haven't a clue.

My head's been so buried in my computer, I haven't even thought of possibilities.  But as I feel the breeze coming through my window in my office, I'm feeling it better be something good and possibly outdoors.

Yesterday, my sis took the girls and my mom down to Balboa.  As I have always been a Laguna Beach person, Balboa is off my radar screen.  And every time I go I think, "Wow...we should do this again!".  It's like an excursion there.  It's such a touristy place, you feel like you are literally a tourist.

My niece showed me pictures of a bungee trampoline thing that the kids got to do.  It looked like so much fun.  I should have been there. 

I never think to do these things, because we live here.  Isn't that sad?  I can't be bothered with the crowds.  It's too much effort.  And during the summer...forget it!

However, as my sister and her family are here; they are tourists.  (my sis will not like the sound of that, sorry Mo).  But it's true.  They come, they visit, they take it all in and then go back to their home.

The revel in a few short weeks, what I have a lifetime to take in and don't.   There are many things I think to see all the time; and never do.  Griffith Observatory, Hike to the Hollywood sign, Getty Museum, a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, Descanso Gardens, ...... just to name a few.  Yet, I never make the time to go there.

It doesn't seem as interesting.....until someone comes here and wants to go there.  Sad, huh???

It's amazing how life gets in the way all the time.  We have all these opportunities around us; yet we stare at each other at dinner time and have conversations like, "What do you want for dinner?   I don't know....you??"  It's actually ridiculous if you think about it. 

The possibilities are endless, yet we stay stuck in our safe little rut, with our same little food and our same little outings with our same little people.  Ugghhhhhh........just the sound of it makes me mad at myself.

Ever feel that way????

So, I think today, I'll venture out, even if only for an hour or two and play with my girls somewhere we haven't been before.  We are going to have an explore day.  Maybe go Geocaching.  I have an Ipod....might as well use it.

With that said; I challenge you do to the same. 

Once again, I thank my sister for kick starting my imagination.
Love you Mo!  (and Sven and Mikael and AC and Kai and Tea and Emma!)

hmmmmmm........

Today, I'm wondering what to write about.  So many things going on; I'm always in my head. Sometimes it's hard to pull a strand of spaghetti out of the pile.

I am watching my list of jobs grow.  With each session I shoot, there are hours of editing that go along with it.  So far on my list is a wedding, a family portrait, a friends event, a friends portrait session, the end of the year school pictures to be distributed, and with each passing day; an additional recital show. 

I calculate the hours in my head and I ask myself a question:  How are you going to get through all of this in a reasonable amount of time?

My niece, sister and brother in law have already been upstairs to wish me good morning.  I'm feeling a little pathetic.  Though I don't have to be at the theater tonite until 5:30, I'm already looking at the day in terms of editing.  I'm having website issues, posting issues and editing software issues.  It's feeling a bit like an uphill battle.

But...a light in my day.  I delivered the wedding invitations for my August wedding, and the groom just texted me that they are perfect!   A smile in my heart!

That is why I do this job!  I touch peoples lives.  I document their moments.  That means so much to me.  In the past few years, my images have been used as a memorial piece for someone who has passed.  I documented their life.  I have a piece of proof that they were here.  And if I did my job well, my documentation gives you a glimpse of who they were. 

It's not just a picture.  It's a moment.  A very small, yet significant moment.

I get concerned sometimes that I will not capture people the way they want.  But I'm constantly surprised to find, I capture something better.  It may be a touch....a glance....or a laugh....but that is what I look for.  That tells a story.  That is what I love.

My dream job would be to go in, watch, and document what I see.  I do that every year with the recital and I love it.  Not only do I capture these kids' accomplishments....I am documenting their growth!  What a blessing!

After a job, I usually run home to choose my favorite images.  I'm a kid in a candy store.  My favorite won't be anyone else's.  It will be mine.  Because I know exactly what happened at that moment to cause me to take that picture. 

We all view things through our own filters.  We have our own life experiences that bring out different aspects of who we are and what we are drawn to.  I'm always surprised when someone tells me their favorite picture.  But whatever the reason, it is significant to them.  I'm just the vehicle that delivers the image.

So, as I sit today, editing, I will start with my favorites and go from there.  A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down (yes, I'm singing that right now).   But it's true. 

When you have a difficult task in front of you, take the easiest part and go from there.  You will slide right into the rest of it.  It's true with photography.....and true with life!

Happy Sunday!

Hustle and Bustle

I came home late last night from shooting recital.  It was a long day.  I had been at the theater since 1pm and it was now closing in on 9:30 when I got home.  I walked through the door to find my "California" nephew had joined our household for a few days.  So when I walked in the house, there were two towering young gentlemen in my kitchen preparing dinner for themselves.  My kitchen is small.  With two 17 year old boys, and two tubs of carnitas on the stove, there wasn't much wiggle room.

I was feeling stressed, because I have a lot of organizing to do.  Being at the dance studio all day has sent my anxiety level on high.  To walk into a bustling house after a long day.....let's just say people were "at risk" from my wrath if they ruffled my feathers the wrong way. 

As I walked into the kitchen, my nephew Mikael asks me to smile.  I give him an emphatic NO!  Then.....he turns on the charm.  He says, "Come on...smile!"   I say, "I don't feel like smiling right now" as I walk past him.  Then he says, (in a tone covered in butter),  "I think you can smile....." (or something like that...his tone is what got me more than anything else).  I looked over at him...... his head was down, his eyes were looking at me, and he had this shit-eatin' grin on his face.......that I couldn't deny!  He actually got a chuckle out of me!  How nice to have someone work so hard just to make you feel better.

My "little" nephew broke through my stress of the day and I couldn't help but feel so happy that he was here.  I went over and gave him a big hug and he did what not a lot of 17 year old boys would do....he squeezed me really hard in a very nice hug that I totally needed!!!  God, I love him!!!

After I de-stressed from that, my niece hit me up for information on how to work her new camera.  She was so excited, but didn't know what all the knobs were for, so we played around with it a bit, and I could feel the excitement oozing from her with her new purchase.  She will definitely have a lot of fun shooting and taking video.  Super happy for her.

I chatted a bit with my sis and brother in law, then headed upstairs to download images.

My sister came upstairs to talk with me.  She sat on the couch, while I worked.  I'm so glad these people are accepting of the fact that I am - for the most part - unavailable to them during their visit.  I am sad, but this is my commitment and I do what is required of me. 

So to have her and her family chase me down, wherever I am in the house, just to spend time with me, means a lot.

As we chatted about life and whatnots.....my younger nephew comes up to use "the bed" (aka, the couch my sister is sitting on).  I told him I still have work to do, and he says fine!  He hunkers down on his bed and my sister leaves and I'm left to catch up on what needs to be completed this night.

I know I will get to spend a little time with my family, but not nearly as much as I would like.  My husband has spent more time with them than me, and that is a bummer.  For me....not him.

However, I don't need to worry about them.  They are most resourceful and have plenty to do while they are here.  With 5 children, there isn't much time to be bored, that's for sure!  Someone always has something in mind to do.

So, with that, I will post my blog (my brother in law has already poked his head in to say good morning to me), edit my images and hopefully spend a few minutes with my sister before I am back at the studio.  And when I come home tonite, they will be here to chase me down just to get me to smile!  I love the hustle and bustle.  I love these people!!!!

Happy Saturday!!!

Dance and Life

These next few days are going to be a whirlwind.  It is our Dance studio's annual recital.

As the studio has grown over the last 7 or so years, so has everything else.  When we first started going, the studio occupied a few rooms.  Now, they have taken over half of the building they are in, and the students have come to fill the rooms.  It's been an amazing journey.  The studio owner is a machine, and she amazes me more every year.

When I started at the studio, I was able to take pictures at the recital.  Now, I have become the studio's recital photographer.  Every year, I sit in the seats and watch the show and document as much as I can of each performance.  And a funny thing happens every year.....the kids grow in an instant!  Even my own!

I see them all year long.  My girls take dance there, so most of these little faces are familiar to me.  Some are even my facebook friends (mostly for pictures of course, but that works for me!)

Last night as I took my spot at the rehearsal, I started taking pictures.  As I looked at the back of my camera to view the images, it always stops me.  WOW.....look at how they have grown!

I don't know what the difference is between seeing them in person, and seeing them in a picture.  But I assure you, there is a difference.  Or...maybe it is just the performer in them is coming out, and I can see their maturity level growing right in front of me. 

Whatever the case, I feel blessed. 

I remember when I first started taking pictures at the studio,  there were two sisters that stood out to me.  They were a few years apart.  They looked like sisters, but at the same time quite different.  Very much like my two girls.  For that reason, I was intrigued.   

As a mother, it is hard to know which direction to face your kids.  Some directions are good, and some don't work out so well.  As I am a watcher, I look ahead to others to try to get a glimpse of what might be.  These two girls were my glimpse. 

I realized that any discipline for any child will help to keep them grounded as they grow.  It is something they can come back to when everything else in life goes awry.  It gives them a group of friends that speak the same language.  It gives them something to look forward to and something to strive for.  It gives them a focus outside of themselves that is for and about them.  It is a constant.

I see this benefit with my husband and his music. I want this for my children.

Last year, the older daughter (of the two girls I speak), was Avery's teacher for her class.  She has since moved on to college.  And this year, when when the teams picked out their "big sisters", Aspen got paired up with the younger daughter.  It's like a full circle moment.  It's like a passing of the baton, that my children can take over where these girls will be leaving off.

I see the past, I see the present, and hopefully, I have glimpsed at the future.  My kids love dance.  I see them thrive at the studio, I seem them beam on stage.  I cry my makeup off every show, because I am so filled with pride for these kids - that they have worked so hard, and their payoff is here.

So as I sit and take pictures of these growing and pride-filled children, I will revel in the fact that I have had a part in this studio, however minor it may be.  I have been able to document its growth.  And for that I feel blessed.  And though, I feel it's all going way too fast, at least I have the pictures to remember.

Thank you, MVDPAC for helping my girls to grow!
Happy Friday!

Life Changing Moments

Yesterday, on my way taking the girls to dance, traffic was backed up and it took forever to get off the freeway.  2 lights, three lights....what they heck????  As I got closer to the light, I started seeing the commotion.  Flashing lights over by the gas station.  Something was up....and it wasn't good.  My heart started sinking at what I may see.  My mind started scrambling.  ......

Just yesterday I saw a jogger being picked up over by the lake.  No car was in sight for that one, so it could have been a hit and run, or something else, I didn't know.  My mind, doesn't accept that, however, because it always wants all the pieces, so I spend time trying to put it all together with only a few pieces of the puzzle.  It's very frustrating.

Finally, I get off the freeway, and round the corner to see streets blocked, a couple of fire trucks, a paramedic truck, sheriffs directing traffic, yet there is nothing in the street.  Then as I turn the next corner, I realize the direction they are all facing.  The train tracks.  As I pass by (slowly), I look over and there it is.... a car.....on the tracks.....demolished.

There was no train in sight.  It came from somewhere, and as we were right by the overpass, I had my best guess. 

I had the girls in the car, and when I saw the scene, all I could say was "Oh My God!".  I repeated it a million times.  (I know this because my girls told me). 

My heart sank into my stomach.  Who was this?  How did it happen?  I am certain there are no survivors, but how many were in the car?  Was it suicide?  An accident?  Texting?  Seriously, I tried really hard to put the pieces together.  Because unless I do, the same thing can happen to me!

I found my heart very heavy.  In case you don't know me by now, I'm WAY analytical.  And I don't know how to stop it.

I found myself thinking how this person, (or persons) got up and brushed their teeth, like any other day.  Now knowing that "This" is the day.  Their last day.  What were they thinking as they went over the cliff and realized they had no control?  Were they regretting their last moments decision, or was it completely out of their control and they didn't have a chance?

Heavy thoughts.

Anytime something happens to anyone, I instantly turn it on myself.  Because the truth is....if it can happen to them...it can happen to me!

Do you ever do that???

After I dropped the girls off, I had to go to the beach for a photoshoot.  It was with a couple whose wedding I shot 6 years ago.  They wanted me to photograph their family.    As a photographer, I am blessed to document people's lives.  I get to watch their families grow and be a part.  I was thankful for this reprieve from the heavy and the serious. 

As I played with their 1 year old, I giggled and made funny faces and played peek a boo and sang kids songs (as much as I could remember them).  What a 180 from 1 hour ago.  When the session was done, I didn't want to leave.  I watched this couple with their baby, and I watched the baby who is so loved.  My heart was light again, if only for a moment.  I hugged them all good bye and started my trek back home.

When I got home, I went online and found more information about the accident.  It was one woman.  No more details.  She did not make it.  My mind is still trying to put the pieces together and my heart is still heavy.

However, on this day, I will not take a second for granted. 

I am always reminded of a few things.  1.  Nothing is really in our control.  2. Our lives as we know it can change in an instant.  3.  Family is the most important thing.  4.  With God all things are possible.

If I didn't have faith, I wouldn't have much. 

Hug your family, kiss your kids, tell them they are the best!!!  All you have is now.  Take advantage of that! 

Sinking boat

Ever react in a way you wish you could change?

I try my hardest not to go there.  I will bite my tongue, agree, or simply disengage, before going there.

Yesterday was different.

In evaluating my behavior, I realize, I could have done something different.  But with what was going on in my mind during the (lets call it a discussion), I am not sure I could have changed my behavior.

I was talking to a co worker, who was somewhat new.  I think she is a lovely person.  Delightful, sweet and caring.  Those are great traits.

I have worked with her once before, and I was there way longer than I should have been due to her learning curve.  I was very (VERY) patient (she had me there an extra hour that I didn't get paid for), as I have been in the same situation and given the same courtesy.  But I wasn't entirely happy, because I usually have ever second of my day planned, and this was not one of them.  But I handled it graciously.

Yesterday, however, was different.  I work at different locations; some have computers, some don't.  The computer locations (when the computers are actually working), are fabulous.  However, this person came in to sub, not realizing that she would be the only one with me (first red flag).

I knew of her learning curve, but as the computers are easier, and she had already logged in, I felt that was a good enough sign to be there if I was needed.

It was a bit of a struggle through the meeting, but we got through.  After we closed the doors to the first meeting to settle up the info on the computer......that's when it happened.  I realized just how untrained this person was.

Let me just say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

I realized, I lost half of my meetings info to the second meeting and our money was totally off.  This was a big pain in the rump.

Now....I can handle mistakes, because I have made plenty.  What I cannot handle.....is someone's actions affect your time, and pay and present you with a lax attitude because they screwed up.  (stand back, cuz here it comes).

In looking back on this situation, I realized that my reaction was directly related to her reaction, or lack there of, for what she had done.  She not only couldn't do the job effectively, she didn't realize the multitude of people this affected.  Everything from my pay (and hers) to my reports (how I am judged for my performance) as well as inventory. 

When one person crafts a boat, they take pride in their every step.  If they do something wrong, the boat sinks.  So it would behoove them to take pride and act very carefully.  They also want it to look good, as this represents who they are.  They want the boat to float and look good.

My job is my boat.

Yesterday after the first meeting, I felt like a hurricane came through, smashed up my boat, and left without a care.

As we discussed the meeting and how anything could possibly go wrong, our voices elevated.  As her attitude seemed so remorseless, I got angrier.  Pretty soon, names were being called (not by me) and tears were flowing (not mine). It was not a pretty day.  I have never ever been in that position before.  I hate being in that position.

She almost left before the next meeting started.  I told her she was stuck until we got through it.

Then....the remorse started flowing (mine). 

Though I did not throw any names, because this is not personal, this is a job, I regretted that it got to this level.  But I later realized, that when you are talking to someone who doesn't get it on pretty much any level, you work harder to drive your point home.  I was simply trying to let this person know that her actions are a ripple in a pond, and the whole pond is affected.  I also explained to her, that had I realized how uneducated she was, I would have stood near her more closely and helped her more.  But as she never blinked, I didn't think there was a problem.

I apologized profusely, for getting her so upset.  And I assured her I would never be that way again.  I told her that now I know where she is coming from, I will narrate my every move to help her learn.  She is a delightful person, I have nothing personal against her, I promise you. 

But when you mess with my boat, I have no other option than to protect it so it won't sink.

So....what would I change from this experience?  I will ask way more questions when paired with someone I don't know.  I will stand closer to them and let them know to not hesitate to ask me questions.
I will be nicer.

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them.  By the end of our experience together, I think we learned a lot about ourselves.  I'm pretty sure she will never work with me again, but if she does, I will make it a pleasant experienece, because  I am more aware now.

I always tell my members.....Awareness is key!!!

Happy Wednesday!

Running and then some

Have you ever heard someone talk for three straight miles????  I have.  And, I have a lot to say about it.

Yesterday I spent some time with my niece - and in doing so, she missed out on the run that her mom, brother and dad took.  These are hard core trainers.  My nephew is on the Norwegian handball team, my sister is a pilates and jazzercise instructor and her run numerous marathons and complained about her FOUR HOURS every time, swearing she can do better.  As for my brother in law....he's hard core no matter what he does.

So needless to say, I felt bad about her missing her training.  She is 15 years old and though she would happily run by herself, she was really disappointed she missed her family.

So....she did the next (well not best) thing; she started hitting me up. 

I started getting really nervous.  I'm excited when I maintain a 13 minute mile!  She's probably at 8.  I am clearly the booby prize for her.  So I did what any good aunt would do.  I offered to NOT run with her.

But she really didn't want to run alone, so she kept pushing me.  I expressed my fear (not concern, but fear), that she would push me so hard, I would lose my dinner.  (she was not intimidated at all.  Did I mention she was hard core?)

Finally, I yielded.  (well...she threatened my life, but whatever).

As we pulled into Albertson's parking lot and started walking toward the lake, it started.  She talked.  I didn't think much of it, but she said something to me that struck home,  "Are you thinking that you wish you weren't here right now?"  I chuckled, because the answer was YES!

Then we started jogging.  I decided to take the downhill side first.  I run faster down hill, and it will feel like we are at a good pace so I don't feel like a shlub.

She said, "This is a good pace...is it a good pace for you?"  Yes-as long as we're at a 90 degree angle (in my head).

Then she started telling me the way her mom would coach her when they are jogging, and how annoying it is.  "Stand up straight, just let your arms hang, relax your shoulders...oh, I see you slouching, up straight up straight" (or something like that).  I laughed, because I could easily hear these words out of my sisters mouth; my niece nailed her perfectly.  But why not - they are the same.

As we rounded the lake and I had to take a few 'quick' walk breaks, I found myself pushing harder than I normally would.  I knew this was good; I needed to break out of my comfort (well- lazy) zone.

I had such fears about being uncomfortable lately, as though the discomfort will kill me.   But something was more in the forefront that I couldn't deny......pride!!!!

I wasn't gonna let my niece talk about how pathetic I was and how I'd given up after a few paces.  No way.  I was going to make this little girl proud. 

As we got into our second mile, I was feeling a bit fatigued.  But I pressed on.  She talked to me about training, and intervals, and how she talks so much, because it takes her mind off the boredom of running.

She talked about pushing herself to the next level and how she sets goals for herself, and once she does that; it's as good as accomplished.

As she talked, I could hear both her mothers and fathers influences in her life.  Her dad is the hard core, feel no pain sort of person.  Her mom is the feel the pain and do it anyway, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel person.  Two similar and strong personalities in one beautiful, strong and determined 15 year old girl.  I couldn't stop smiling as she talked my ear off.  I wanted to stop and pick it up, but was afraid she would beat me.  So, I kept running.

As we approached the hill, over by Tortilla flats (plugged for the locals), I told her I would walk a minute.  She told me she would run up the hill and meet me at the top.  As I started walking, I felt the need to meet up with her, so I ran as hard as I could to almost the top.  I heard her screaming for me, "Go Aunt Cathy, you can do it!  You are doing great!!!!"  I was encouraged to push harder and nearly lose dinner. 

When I reached her, she said, "Good Job"......and continued talking.  This time she talked about how she was going to hack into my blog and write about this experience.  For the next half mile, she explained in detail, all the happenings of the last 2.5 miles.  And she ended it with, "and I don't know how I'll end it, because we haven't finished yet".  I couldn't stop chuckling.  She's like the energizer bunny. 

At my slow paces, she started doing quick steps and side steps to get extra workouts in.  She had my head spinning.  While I was focusing on merely finishing, she was trying to add more stuff in.  God bless her, I say!!!

As we approached the end, she coached me in.  "Let's pick up the speed, lets take it in strong, lets just start going faster and faster and faster....."  I saw our finish line - the checkered flag, if you will.  I ran towards it ready to be done.  As we approached, I was steps behind her, I was so excited that I survived....and then she did something I wasn't expecting.  As I was slowing down, she said, "Keep going...let's go past it?"  WHAT??????????  The hell you say!!!

But I did.

We went a little further down the hill and ran a little back up to finish strong.  And finish we did.

Now, she was telling me how good I felt.  And I couldn't argue with her, because I had no breath left.  But she was right.  I surpassed my expectations; came in at an 11 minute mile, felt good, and dare I say.....I may do it again!

I love you Anne Christine!!!

Volunteering

So.....my family has been here for two days already, and I have spent all of a few hours with them. I have been in the middle of a very time consuming project for the school.

Funny thing about volunteering; everyone who isn't volunteering has an opinion. EVERYONE!

This makes volunteering even more stressful than it already is. The truth is (go with me on this), most people absolutely do NOT "want" to volunteer their time. Not because we are selfish, but because we are busy and it is yet one more thing that will keep us from spending time with our family. And for a lot of us - that time is already scarce.

We volunteer because we know it is either us.....or no one!

'Big deal', you say? Let it go undone?

Okay...go and tell your child there will be no science camp. No yearbook, (not to mention pictures) no art masters at school, no extra activities and for the fifth graders...no DVD to remember this special year (and probably no special year.)

And that isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Without volunteers, the kids would simply get to sit in their class and read books all day. It would affect their character, who they are and what they experience.

Sad.....but true. Volunteers make this stuff happen. And enthusiastic volunteers make it happen really well.

But as I sit at my desk, working on this DVD, I am getting questions and comments that stress me out. "Are you getting paid for that.". or, "Why are you putting so much time in it". And my favorite; "Who cares? Just slap them in and get it done!"

Clearly, these are words from people who don't get it.

It takes me back to a time when a friend asked for my help. I had to draw the line, because I was at the Renaissance Faire and promised my family that I wouldn't work on this day. My friend ended up really struggling to get her project done without my help. And when I asked her, "Why are you putting so much effort out there for someone else's kids? And her answer haunts me to this day, "If not me, then who?"

Spoken like a true volunteer.  Someone who is there for MY kid in MY absence!!!

In a perfect world, everyone would take their two percent and donate equally. But in reality, it just doesn't work that way. It never has. There are always some who give all....and those who give none.  And thank God to the children who have no one to represent them that there are these angels that fly among them.  So they too, can have the same experience as everyone else.

This year I have been more towards the none side. It was a conscious decision, because my schedule doesn't permit a lot of volunteer time.

So as I sit all weekend, putting in the pictures donated to me by the volunteers who gave, while I couldn't....I will honor their efforts with mine. And though it may take a little family time out of my day, the memories we will be presenting to our children, will last a lifetime.

It takes a village.......

That is what volunteering is about. 

Happy Monday

Running

This morning, I went downstairs and immediately to the kitchen like I always do.  The three older kids (Mik, AC and Kai) were already awake; still adjusting to the time.   Pretty soon, they'll be sleeping til noon like the rest of us! 

As soon as I sat down to have my cereal, my sister comes in and mentions that she's going jogging.  Then my niece came in and asked if I wanted to join them?  My sister's marathon time (26 miles in 4hours 1 minute) helped me assess my answer.  NO!

My niece asked why I didn't want to go, and I said, "You are too fast for me".  She said, "So.....you'll get better!" 

OUCH......

Schooled by a 15 year old.  BUT....my answer is still no.  Not now.  Maybe later, or another day ( and for those of you who know me....I do mean it this time).

Then I mentioned to them that I was jealous they were going.  I do need a run, I just don't want to hold up 3 people with my slow time and whining (not to mention I have HUGE project with a deadline).

My sister said, "Yes, I was jealous yesterday when Sven took off without me."  I didn't understand why she was complaining, because she can go anytime she wants.  Then she told me that she hates running alone. 

I was surprised a bit.  Really surprised.  When I was in Norway with her, she dropped me off at the same trail, took off without me, went to the end of the trail and met me back at the car (cuz I'm slow). She didn't seem bothered by it then.

And then she said that for the last year, she just hates to run alone, because she gives up. 

WOW!  My over-achieving sister just said something that totally resounded with me!

I thought about the many times I told myself (while out on the trail and training to run) that I was going to run as fast and hard as I could to "that" tree.  And in the beginning, I always always stopped before I got there, if even by a foot.  It's like I didn't believe in myself. 

Eventually, I got to the point I would run past the tree, but I had to push myself.  Myself.  Boring little self.

When we are left to our own devices, we tend to cheat ourselves.  Because there is nobody to hold us accountable for our efforts or losses.  But when you are with a group, you build each other up and encourage each other and force each other to grow.

42 years old and my sister is still teaching me stuff.  I'm so blessed. 

I told them, if I finish my project, I would like to go for a walk.  My sister, and my niece offered to go with me.  They didn't even hesitate.  And this time, I will be glad to take them up on it, because I know I won't mind holding them back a bit.  And if my niece has anything to do with it, she will help me get better!

Have I told you how much I love these guys!!!!

Happy Sunday and Happy Fathers Day to all you fabulous fathers!!

Norwegian Invasion

The Norwegian inviasion has begun.  My sister and her family (7 in total), landed last night at 10pm in LAX.  We were home by 12 and in bed by 1am.  I love Saturdays when I get to sleep in......

....usually......

This morning I heard footsteps as loud as a stampede, running around my house.  I knew they wouldn't sleep much, because their life is half way around the clock from us.  So when I heard this, I opened one eye to see the time.......6:34.  Exactly one minute before my alarm is set to go off (on non-sleep in days). 

The kids are excited, because I can hear it has they run around the house - not even trying to be quiet for anyone else who might have a chance at sleeping in.

I sneak downstairs and my oldest nephew (who's already been for a jog) is sitting on his laptop on the couch.  I continue into the kitchen and there are 4 other bodies at  the table eating waffles (the requested cuisine).   I let them know that people (well, me) are still sleeping and to keep it down a bit.  And I let them know that the kitchen is right under our bedroom, so when the slam the cupboards, they are putting a drum over our heads and pounding it loud.

I went upstairs for about 5 more minutes of sleep.  Hoping for more, but as the kids cannot contain themselves, who was I kidding trying to school them on silence!  Silly girl.

For anyone who doesn't know me....to wake me up before I hope to be up is a very dangerous place. 

When my sister came to my door to get my hair dryer, she came in with just the right tone, because she is smaller than me and she knows I can take her! 

Then she laughed as she saw me on the bed in my futile attempt to go back to sleep.  She's had these five kids for many many years.....she's no dummy. 

She climbed on the bed, looming over me, with an evil grin on her face, and starts talking to me about her day and what's gonna happen.  Honestly, I love my sister to death, but could care less at this moment, because I have been cheated out of my beauty sleep!

I finally give in and go back down stairs.  On my way out of my bedroom, my brother in law is upstairs searching for stuff, and I see kids running everywhere.  The energy in the house is booming, and I'm the last to participate.  Even my husband is joyful this morning.  He doesn't need as much sleep as I do.  (futhermucker).

I see the youngest and smallest child running after Jinx, who Chris has renamed "Fat Elvis".  She's running after "Fat Elvis" calling her by her new name, wanting to pick her up.  But every time she gets near; Fat Elvis falls to the floor like a wet noodle with every attempt to roll out of Emma's arms and not be picked up.  These dogs are NOT used to attention like this, so it will be an adjustment for sure!!!

As I get downstairs, I start making banana bread, because I know this time, it will get eaten.  Chris starts going through the refrigerator, examining anything that can be thrown away, in anticipation for the Costco trip that will ensue shortly; bringing home enough food for 11 people to live on for a few days.  (Trust me when I tell you; our counter-depth fridge is not prepared for 11ppl).

As the banana bread goes in the oven, the norwegians are all shoed up for a trip to grandmas house.  Only grandma doesn't know it.  And....they are all walking there.  If I weren't so tired, I would join them. 

The dogs look a little frazzled and welcome the break they will be getting when the kids are gone.  I'm pretty sure Kara has peed herself at least once in all the excitement.

And though it is it alot to handle - 11 people in a smallish, disorganized house (made WAY more organized, thanks to Julie), I am delighted and feeling blessed to have them here.  I love them all and it will be so nice to hang and play.  I'm not sure the Kara and Fat Elvis agree.....but I'm sure they'll warm up.

Happy Saturday

100th Post! WOOHOOOO

Good morning,

Did you realize I have posted 99 times before this?  This is my 100th post.  AND...it comes on a very special day. 

This day is special for a number of reasons; first....my sister is coming.  She and her family will be living with us for a month, visiting from Norway.

Second....today is a day that a brain child of mine comes to life!  And I am reminded....if you believe....it can happen!

A few months ago I came up with an idea for my daughters 5th grade class.  A flash mob. 

My daughters are both in dance, so I know from experience how hard and long it can be to teach a bunch of kids a dance.  Let alone 50 of them.

As the months went on and my busy schedule overtook; it escaped me.  BUT....I did one very smart thing; I mentioned it to many moms.  Every answer was a resounding YES!

But again...time went on. 

This past weekend, I was driving home from dance (for the girls, not me) and one of the moms called me to ask about it.  I panicked.  Now it's only a week, and I have nothing choreographed (never even choreographed before) and I wasn't prepared.

Well.....this was the RIGHT mom.  Because she made it happen.

I went home Sunday night and choreographed with the help of my husband, best friend, daughter and daughters friend.

By Monday, we had 50 5th graders lining the front of this mom's house.  I couldn't believe the participation we got in 24 short hours.  Boys included!

After our first 3 hour practice; they were doing the dance!  I had tears of joy!

We decided to have one more practice to make sure we got down all the details, and when the kids did their first run through, I was shocked.  Apparently, they had been practicing.

We went through it a few more times, talked about safety, to make sure kids who weren't aware wouldn't get hurt; what to wear, etc.....and let me just say; listenening to these kids; watching these kids, I could not have been more proud!  They are excited and ready to bring it!

This morning is our unveiling.  I'm filled with nervous anticipation.  I'm hoping the parents and children alike will join in this dance - as it is a celebration of belief.  Dramatic yes...but that is how I feel.

I had a thought.  I had a doubt.  I had people to make my doubts go away.   I had children to bring my thought to life.

Will post the video link tomorrow. 

Happy 100th posting, and thank you for being apart of my journey and my life and my crazy mind!

Lowering expectations

I was so proud of myself yesterday for finishing all that I had on my list.  It really bugs me that when I need to be efficient; I can bring it.  But when I don’t have a deadline, I am hard-pressed to finish anything.

I am guessing it’s the fire that’s lit when something “needs” to be done. 

I have a friend who has a lot on her plate ALL THE TIME.  So much so, that when I call her, I have already practiced in my head what I want to say, so I can say it with the utmost speed, because IF she answers, she will likely be in the middle of something, and I’ll have 5 seconds to spit it out and get my point across, so I say it really fast.

When someone at school needs something, she is the one they go to.  If you want something done; ask a busy person, right?

I asked her one time why she was so busy all the time and why she doesn’t want to slow down.  She said, “Cuz then I’ll have to look at my life”.

That resonated so loudly with me, because I too, have felt the same way.

We busy ourselves with “stuff” and make it seem super important so we don’t have to face ourselves. 

For years I have heard about meditation.  Before kids; I thought, NO WAY!  I could never sit down quietly for 20 minutes, let alone 10 or even 5.  The thought seemed impossible.

Now that I have children a husband, two dogs and two jobs, I revel in the quiet moments.  When my husband is gone and the kids are at school, I can sit at my desk for hours, editing pictures and have no sounds on at all.   I think to put on some music, but it often tends to get in the way of the quiet peace in my brain.

When I do put on music, it’s probably something I have heard a million times over and over and over so it’s become mere filler when I’m trying to drown out other sounds.

I enjoy the quiet.  I don’t get it very often.

In the chaos of yesterday, I was surprised to see what I was able to power out in what seemed like a short amount of time.  I was focused.  That is another thing that doesn’t happen very often.

I still have a lot to accomplish by Monday.  I’m not sure I will finish it all, because once again, extra things have been thrown on my plate.  My house has been picked up and is closer to ready for visitors, but not totally there.  That will take a lot of work, and will likely get pushed off my plate.  I will go from the expectations of cleaning and organizing, down to pushing everything aside just to make room.

I have a priority list and I’m still behind on some items.  But I’m thinkin’ I’ll get done the best I can.  I will just lower my expectations in the process. 

After all….lowering expectations has kept me my sanity all these years.  It’s something my husband just doesn’t understand….. but that’s another blog.

Happy Thursday!

Plate shifting

Is it bad when you wake up in the morning and start rearranging your day, pushing things off your plate - before your foot hits the floor?

I got up this morning very reluctantly. 

I am in the middle of finishing a wedding invitation, ordering graduation pictures, editing a wedding, and preparing for a bridging ceremony for almost 15 girls (at 1pm), and cleaning my house (or hiding all the stuff), for 7 people to squeeze in to live for a month. 

My workout has already been dismissed for the day.  That is a precious hour on a short school day that I cannot afford.  Which is silly, because if I actually exercised, I would get everything done in half the time, I'm sure.  But today, I cannot take that chance.

When I look at my list (some of which is  not listed, because I am sworn to secrecy), I am literally brought to my knees. 

And as I write, one of my children (I'm not saying which) has fallen to the ground in complete despair over something, of which I am uncertain.  But....I can't deal with that right now.  As I tried to sleep in; she woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it's been at least 20 minutes of pure drama and screaming.

You're jealous.  I know.  I can feel it!

As I have precious little time to complete my tasks this morning, I am sure I will  show complete efficiency.  I'm good that way.  However, the hair on my head (which needs to be colored, thank you), is slowly falling out.  And the stress lines on my face are carving ever deeper by the day

(Oh how I wish I could show you the fit that is going on right now.  All it needs is a light show)

....did you feel that?  Tension in my back, creeping up to my neck.

Anyway, as this is just a tangent; that is what I do best.  I get nervous when people tell me they follow my blog, because my mind instantly tries to go back and figure out my most embarrassing post to see what they might have surmised from me.  But as they still continue to talk to me, I figure, I'm safe.  Because you have to admit; I really put it all out there. 

But then again, I don't really care.  I think we are all a little nutty on many levels, and the more we share, the more we realize we are all the same and I do believe there is comfort in that.

Or.....commiseration. 

But, who cares.  It is what it is.

On this day, I will look at my plate; do some shifting around; and if all goes well and fast; add a few things back on.   I'm not holding my breath, but at least I'm not rolling around on the floor freaking out like it's the end of the world.  So, I'm good.

Happy Wednesday!

What's your strength

I walked around my house this morning and I keep preparing to step over and around stuff.....only, it's not there.

Julie came over yesterday and cleaned my house.  She is an amazing whirlwind.  She let me edit my wedding while she made room for the Norwegians to come so they could have a place to lay their head....and their luggage.  She loves the heck out of that family.   And mine!

She is our family.

I felt guilty as I sat at my desk, but I was so thankful that two things were getting done at once.

When someone is so giving of themselves, it's hard to not feel guilty.   Or, like a slouch.  Then I started realizing that we all have our gifts and we use them in time.

Last year, I spent hours at a friends house going through her garage, sifting and sorting stuff that isn't mine.  It was a no-brainer for me, but she was overwhelmed.  Because it was her stuff.    She was so grateful and humbled, but I was glad to do it.  I set aside my time, and pushed things off my list, so I could help her.  Just like Julie did for me.  I am humbled and thankful to have her in my life.

We all have gifts.  When Julie was going through my stuff, she talked to me about ways I could potentially make it better and cleaner on an on-going basis.  It's so clear in her mind, like a grid.  But not so clear in my own.  As she was talking to me, she was sitting on the couch in my office.  She has one of the best brains I know.  Things come pretty easy for her.  But for me, not so much. 

As she is explaining things, I'm very aware, that at my desk I barely have room for my keyboard.  Things are crowding around it, slowly overtaking the whole desk.  As I look at the items that are taking over, I  can't remember how they got there.  And then sudden glimpses flash before my eyes.......I call it the "cut and run".  

Cut and run is my life.  I have exactly 30 minutes for one task, and then no matter what, I cut and run.  Or....I'm in the middle of a task, I get summoned to another room, so I cut and run.  And things never get to their intended location.   But wait....there is no intended location for many of the items on my desk, because I don't know where to put them.   Ahhhh.....the picture is getting clearer.

But Julie can see it all.  "If you 'just' do it this way......."

I have heard this before.  My husband is another "clairvoyant" in this area.  He might as well be sitting next to her nodding crazily in agreement to all she says.

But the thing I had to explain to Julie is: though in theory, her words are perfect.....in reality and in my brain....they don't compute.   I told her she is telling a person with no hands, to pick up the fork and use it.  Not that is can't be done....but my brain doesn't have her hands.

My brain does try to wrap its little self around what she is saying.  But it doesn't compute.  The bottom line is correct; something needs to change; but it won't be done in the way she is saying it.

My brain is different.  And to articulate that to someone who can see it all so clearly, is not only frustrating, but makes one feel.....well.....retarded.  (Please do not send me comments on my use of this word.  It is a legitimate word and applies to my feelings.)  However, I realize I am not retarded at someone else's house.  I am efficient, and reasonable and have great suggestions.  I have seen it happen many a time!!!!  It's just my house!!!

However....in regards to my house....one thing about me is.....I never give up!  I have tried many things to organize my home and it usually reverts back to chaos.  The only thing I do know about myself  and the reason the chaos works for me is; I am very visual; and putting stuff away doesn't work for me, because then it is "lost".  SO many people don't get this.

So, as I walk around my house this morning; I am grateful.  There is nothing I can do to repay Julie for her kindness.  She offered for me to go to her house and do the same, and I am happy to do that.  Her house will be easier than mine, because its not my stuff. 

We all have strengths and weaknesses.  We are good at something and not others.  We need to recognize this for ourselves.  It took me years to realize that my brain is WAY slower than my husbands, because he computes WAY faster than me, while I emotionally weigh out all the pros and cons and come to conclusions at a slower rate.  I used to feel like an idiot when we would stand there and wait for an answer.  But when I finally blasted him with the path my brain takes to evaluate his questions.....he quit criticizing me.  It was a lesson for both of us.  But communication bridged the gap.

Learn your strengths  and celebrate them.  You are not stupid....you are just different and unique and perfect!!!

Happy Tuesday!

It is what it is....

It is crunch week.  I have a lot to do and a very little amount of time to do it. 

I am totally feeling the pressure this week.  I know I will somehow get through it, but I'm not exactly sure how.

However; if history dictates itself correctly, then I will somehow gather a plan, and get it all done!  OR.....lower my expectations.  I'm good at both.

I learned this weekend, with my phone (I'm gonna say it) being stolen, that we can change our paradigm as a form of self preservation.

If I wanted to lose my mind and scream at my friend (who was holding the phone for me), I could have.   But, to what end?   It wouldn't solve anything.  It wouldn't find my phone.  And we would have both felt like crap.  (worse than we did).

Though I knew I may never see my phone again, I was more concerned with things like pictures that were missing, or texts with pertinent information.  And I was most saddedned that their are dishonest people in the world, who can look at a phone and equate it with a "score" that they found something.  Finders keepers as it were.

As I drove from the wedding (where the phone was lost.....at a church....don't get me started), to the reception, I quickly realized that I didn't have my phone to call anyone.  I was driving separate from my friend, and we were going to follow each other to the reception. 
I saw the bride and groom drive by in their Porsche (rented), and my friend wasn't behind me yet.  And I couldn't call her.....and then I panicked, because I wanted to get some pictures of the bride and groom in their car, but needed to convey this to my friend.  I didn't know what to do! 

So, I took off. 

I am, afterall, the photographer.  I have all my equipment, and the bride and groom look so cute in their Porsche, I followed them immediately. 

As I realized I didn't have my phone; a strange thing happened.  I was at peace.  There was not one person who could contact me inside my car while I was driving.  (aside from God).  I was completely inaccessible.  I dare say, I realized that the world wouldn't crumble around me.  That I could nudge anyone in any group in any setting and say, "Hey...I lost my phone, can I borrow yours to call my husband?" and  it would be done. 

If you are an adult without a cell phone; you are an anomoly. 

I decided to revel in that peace, and enjoy the quiet.  It was actually a very nice feeling. 

It was a total paradigm shift in my brain.  I just went with it.  And it felt good. 

I realized that resisting what is can be futile.  If there is nothing you can do about something...like literally nothing.....why get your nickers in a twist?  True, sometimes things can be very upsetting; but if you find a way to get through it, you will realize you will indeed survive and a new day will dawn.

As for my to do list; if I know I have given it my best; and I have to lower my expectations, I'll do it.  But....I'm going to gather my list together and check off as many things as I can; and go with that!!!!

Afterall....it is what it is!

Happy Monday!

Life altering moments.....

Lost my phone.

You might as well cut off my left arm.

For over a year my husband talked to me about the Iphone.  I didn't want to be one of "those" people that stands in line at a grocery store and can't even make eye contact, because my head is so far up my phone, that I can't see the light of day.

A whole year...........

So...I finally gave in and emmersed myself in the I-phoria! (it's a term.  Look it up).
I loaded my facebook, most of my numbers, scrabble HD, Email, blood type, first born, - you name it!  However, not nearly as much stuff as other I-nerds. 

I got laughed at because I had so few apps.  People would talk to me about their apps and not understand why I don't have a million boxes to add every last app I had!  Simply put....my apps are few enough to cover a few pages without the need to group them up.  Sad, I know!

But...I still decided to use this as a.....ummm.......whatdoyoucallit?.....Oh...PHONE! 

Every time I missed an appointment, my husband would chastise me; "Why don't you just use your Iphone calendar?"  I love the word "Just" but we won't go there today.  I already blogged about that!

Once again, I yielded to his "sound" advice, and started adding all my events to my phone.  Day by day, becoming more dependent on it.  Even (ah-hem) texting while the car is running.  (Usually at a stop light, but still, shame on me).

One day I caught myself listening to a friend and having a conversation with her while looking at my phone.  Apparently I felt the need to check my email while we were conversing.  Because apparently, the email couldn't wait til the conversation was done. Boom.......just like that.  Sucked in to Iphoria.  I am now an I-shit!  AND....I justified it.

But today, I have been removed from I-shit-dom.  My phone has been lost at an event, where someone wasn't honest enough to return it.  My heart is broken by that, more than anything else!  Slowly, over the day, i realized all that I do not have anymore, because I put so much faith into this phone that I didn't have a backup system!  I still don't think I grasp the totality of what I am missing.   I just feel ..... well, empty.  But there is nothing I can do about that phone and all its stuff now.  I downloaded most of the pictures and video, but will not realize until I see something missing, which images didn't come home with me.  That is what I get for relying on one unit.  Lesson learned.

This morning, I stole my daughters phone from her.  I'm a lowly phone borrower.  I have no emoticons, I can't Hey-tell you, or return your text message. 

So, when you talk to me today, you will have my full attention.   I will have no distrations in my hands.  If you want to converse with me, I'll be the one looking a little lost.....feeling removed.....but ready for a hug.

Happy Sunday

dance dance dance.....

Last night I finished buying all necessary items (tights, hair nets, garment bags, bobby pins, .....oh..and did I mention shoes???  Cha-ching.......) to complete the costumes for upcoming recital. 

Have you ever felt pride after exasperation?

As I put all the costumes together, followed every instruction, on every sheet from every teacher; tacked down skirts, fixed hats, labeled everything (And I mean EVERYTHING), I was left with ...... bags everywhere!

BUT...they were all organized.  If you pick up a costume, you know exactly what is in it, who's class it belongs to, which Cast it goes to, their picture date and time, and the contents in the bag that completes the costume.

I'm talking Organized, here!!!

I still consider myself a newbie to this whole dance thing.  I have only been doing it for 7 years.  The first year I had to send my kids to recital, nothing was in bags, nothing labeled, everything was willy nilly and my kids inevitably were missing something. 

Last year, when I put my kids into more than one dance, the words, "Quick Change" emerged.  I had no idea what that was, or what it involved.  So as I delivered Avery backstage, they asked, "Where's her quick change instructions?"  I looked bewildered at the person asking me this question.  I had no idea I needed to instruct anyone of anything.  I figured Avery would guide them...right?  She's 7......she can talk.....oy vey........

Well, let's leave it at her bun didn't get exactly where it was supposed to go, and pieces were missing from her costume.   BUT.....she danced like a champ, and only a few of the regulars knew the difference.  And I'm sure they talked about "that mom".  

Live and learn. 

This year, on dance team, I personally believe they should start you out with a mentor.  Someone to help you "not" do, on your journey to competitions. 

Now, competitions are different than recital.  For competitions, I am there, in the back, helping out.

Recital is a whole different ball game.

We have 3 casts for the studio.  That means for me.....I have 3 casts, for two kids and 9 costumes over 6 days.  (Don't you think that requires a mentor?)

With each costume change, there is a hair change.  If you are going from ballet to tap, you will have to go from a low bun to crazy ponytails.  (Did I mention, my kids don't really do hair???)

I mentioned a few days ago about feeling bad that I can't keep up enough with myself, let alone alert the grandparents....are ya feelin' me yet???

As my day came to a close yesterday, I got to pack up my stuff and head to a wedding rehearsal.  It's going to be a busy weekend!

Today is also picture day, so it's time to put on the costumes and do the hair and put on the makeup.  Only, I won't be here.  I need to hand that duty off to my husband and mother in law.  So, I will be delegating and hoping for the best. 

It's an awful thing to have to hand off your duties to someone else.  For though they are willing, it is still a tug at your heartstrings that you should be the one taking care of everything.

However....on the flip side; I am so grateful to have people in my life to help care for my children.  So many times I think about all the children in my life and how we all pinch hit for each other and I remember the age old saying and know it's truth.....

It takes a village!

Happy Saturday!

glug glug glug

Last night I literally made a spreadsheet for my kids dance classes.
This parenting thing is not for sissies!

So many times I flash back to when I was pregnant and my co worker laughed at my 'plans' while home with my baby.  She couldn't wait until I had my daughter and realized there was no time.

I have found I am fooling myself to think as they get older, my time will free up more.  I couldn't have been more wrong!  Because this parenting thing, goes beyond just me being a mom.  I have to be a time keeper and assistant to my children so the grandparents can be aware of their schedules too.

There have been so many little events that have come up where I completely forgot to invite the grandparents.  COMPLETELY!!!  (Did I ever tell you about the Mother's day where I forgot to invite my mom?....no?  okay...another day.....). 

I can barely get through my own days, let alone, keep everyone else abreast of my kids' schedules.  I'm literally creating their schedules the day before dance.

If you follow my posts at all, you know I'm not the most organized or put together person, but I get by.  When it's just me!

As the girls' recital is approaching, I'm thinking about making sure my equipment is ready to go and my batteries charged for the performances.  NOT to alert the grandparents, family and friends that ticket sales just started.  Then when I realized that I need to send a notification to the family, I have to first sit down and look at all the 10 dances the girls are in, and sort out which performance will feature both girls (and hopefully get one of the team dances in there) so we don't have to make everyone come back for multiple shows.

By the time I put two and two together, there were a few smatterings of seats towards the back of the theater.  Total Fail!!!

As a parent, you have to think outside yourself.  People like to be witness to childrens growth and progress.  A dance recital is big business.  Did you know it's customary to bring the dancers flowers?  Another reminder I must send out to the grandparents.

If you are reading this, and think I am frustrated that I have to tell the grandparents anything, you are reading it wrong.  There are times I feel bad for the grandparents, because their daughter in law is scatterbrained and forgetful.  But they do realize I'm doing the best I can, and forgive me my shortcomings.  Thank God for that!

As this is the first year my girls are on dance team, I have learned a lot.  It takes thinking WAY ahead.  I have started a calendar on my ipad.  It's supposed to make my life easier.  But the problem does, it doesn't input the information for me.  For that I still need an assistant.  Does anyone want to apply???

I seriously envy those who have it all together, schedule-wise.  I still can't wrap my head around it!  BUT....to my credit, I am photographing the recital which puts me in working mode and I never mix work and family, therefore the disconnect is justified.  (Well...in my mind, anyways).

So, I have learned, I must communicate more with hubby and let him know that this is his realm of expertise, therefore, we will commuicate better and I will pass the baton to him.

I know there's an answer out there.....I just have to find it!
(applications for my life's assistant, being accepted now). 

Happy Friday

Party on

Did you ever walk past a sink full of dishes...and keep walking? 

That has been my life lately.  I have been watching the pile grow and grow and grow.  Did you ever wonder how high the pile can grow, without actually falling over?   I'm sure I don't know the answer to that exactly, but let me just tell you, we are one 'skilled' family! 

We have a really deep sink, because the shallow one that came with the house, would never do.  We have one deep side, and one shallower side (not sure what they were thinkin' there). 

The deep side should go first, but as food is "supposed" to be dumped into the disposal....it usually just hits the sink, still in the bowl.  And waits. 

If too many days go when we can't get to the dishes...the smell reminds us that someone didn't actually use the disposal.  A nice....friendly....pungent reminder.  Nature is good that way.

Some people actually have a system.  There are times I stand in bewilderment as I watch a husband and wife 'team' clear the table and then help each other with the dishes and the cleaning of the kitchen AS their dinner time ritual.  It's not just on TV.  I have literally seen it.

Not in my house, mind you.  But I have watched it happen.  I didn't help, because I was too dumbfounded to offer.  I stood in wonder, watching this team work together, effortlessly.  And when they left the kitchen (in literally half the time), the kitchen was clean and ready for the next meal.

I wish I had taken notes.   Or better yet....had video.

But alas, I did not.

There are times I look at our house and the movie "Animal House" comes to mind.  There are times I feel like Bluto.  Just wanna party on and forget about the rest. 

I sometimes wonder if we had that shallow sink; would I do dishes more often? 

Somehow I think we would likely  become more 'skilled'.  (see first paragraph).

Happy Thursday!

Let the Games Begin!!!

Let the games begin!

From now until about July 10^th, I will be running a marathon.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

Every year around this time, things get crazy.  It is the end of year, so school activities, coupled with dance, and work, completely overwhelm me.  But this year, it is even worse.  This year, my girls are on dance team – oh, and did I mention my sister is coming with her family to stay at our house…for a month???  (don’t let me fool you, I can’t wait!)

So what you say???

Well, I know I will get through it, but as of this morning that “fear of losing it” feeling somehow got set aside for the “Let’s gitterdun” feeling.

It’s 8:45 and I have already fixed an image print order with the company, categorized, which dances are on what days for my girls, coordinated who is going to which show, ordered tickets for their seats, completed ads for the recital program, arranged for my girls to be where they are on picture day (since I have a wedding to shoot and won’t be there), and convinced my husband he needs to accept the invitation to be in their show!  And I am now completing my blog.

I have already been yelled at, thanked, and kissed goodbye. 

I have been on the phone to Norway, to confirm the scheduled events of my guests, and arranged for a guest (my mother) to be with them on one of their trips while here.

And, this is only the beginning.

(Let me just say; when you have to open up Excel to organize upcoming events – it can’t be pretty.)

For the rest of this week, I will be preparing for a wedding, creating an invite for another wedding, finishing ads for the program, baking cookies for picture day, collecting images and coordinating the DVD presentation for the 5^th grade DVD and, somehow getting through it all.

This is a time, when you lower your expectations, or lose your mind.  It becomes clear, real quick, which tasks are the most important and which can go on the backburner.

As stressful as it is, I am thankful for these times, because I realize I can keep it all together.  And if I don’t – no one will die and life will go on.

I think we need these times in our lives to re-prioritize and figure out what is most important.  Because I think we tend to get really busy, and forget.

I was talking with someone yesterday who was really in the thick of life’s muck.  I’m always grateful to be able to offer any perspective at times like these, because we all go through it.  And when we are in it, it’s really hard to see the light of day.

But when you are in it; head swirling with negativity, you need to stop….take a breath….and re-prioritize.  Really examine if the bad stuff is really that bad, or if it has just grown in your mind, amplified by the negativity you feel.

As for me, I’m feeling pretty empowered right now.  I have accomplished much in this last quick hour, and I’m off to my walk and then more 5^th grade stuff, then girl scouts, then more dance stuff and baking.

My day is full.  But I am happy!  I’m here.  I’m capable.  I’m willing!

Happy Wednesday

Consider the source

I was reading a magazine this morning and it was about caffeine and its possible benefits in small doses.  Of course, I was immediately intrigued, so I read on.

Then it talked about fatigue and the reasons for fatigue and it gave possible reasons, none of which included a poor diet.  NOT EVEN A MENTION.

Did you realize the food you eat is meant to be fuel for your body?  And if you eat the good stuff, you’ll have energy?   Did you realize that food can cure as well as kill???

Did you know that you can find an answer to every question you ever asked, but get a different answer every time???  And they all might be right???

There are a million approaches to any one issue we have in our lives.

If I have a stomach ache and go to a doctor; he can cure me. If I go to a nutritionist; he can cure me. If I go to a chiropractor; he can cure me.  They will all apply their principles of healing in different ways, and you will find relief on some level.

Choose your healer carefully.

We are all searching for answers, right?  When I was pregnant with my first daughter; the big debate was to vaccinate, or not to vaccinate.  My sister, who lives in Norway, was vehemently against it.  She mailed me books about how vaccines will screw up your kids.  She even went as far as to say vaccines screwed me up!  (I had issues…but we won’t go into that.  Oh wait, I still do!  Nevermind…)

At any rate, I read through her books which freaked me out – because they were ANTI-vaccine.  BUT….when I had my beautiful baby girl, so perfect and healthy, I went into the doctor for our (what most people think is required) shots and about freaked out.  There were SO MANY MORE vaccines than I thought!  I wasn’t prepared for what was 6-8 vaccinations on my perfectly healthy baby girl.  The doctor came in and I stressed my concerns.  Clearly, she was at least a bit insulted when she conveyed her adamant response - that she had had six children, vaccinated them all, and there were no problems.  (As if I was challenging her decision!)

I told her that was great, but this is my child, and I wasn’t ready to make my decision at that appointment.  (I’m going to say it).  She was such a bitch about it, I left in tears.  She made me feel uncomfortable and regretful.  So I did what any good mother would do…….

I found another doctor.

If you believe everything you read or hear without doing your own research, you are really selling yourself short.  After I left that doctors office, I looked at the benefits of vaccinations and I realized that you can literally find anything you want to support or justify your decisions.  You just have to look.  But….you will get exactly what you look for.

If you want good news; look for the good news.  If you want bad news; follow the bad news trail.

But if you have gut instinct….go with that and research that!!!

I have been dealing with ailments all my life (various and minor like everyone else).  And if I have a back ache, I go to a chiropractor, while others will go to a traditional doctor.

When I had a bulging disc, I decided to go the chiropractic route.  If I went to a traditional doctor, they would have cut me open and done surgery on the disc.  But the chiropractor used his magic table and 8 months of therapy later, I’m healed and pain free.  True, the surgery might have worked too, but I’m much happier having one less scar in my life.  We have enough of those to carry, right???

Anyway, I digress.   As I read this article this morning, I realized that people are many times limited by what they see, without doing the additional research necessary to see if there is any actual foundation to their findings.  If I had read that article and not questioned it, I would be looking for one of those ailments as to why I’m tired all the time!  And I say what a shame.

As a Weight Watchers leader, I get tons of questions from my members about certain foods, and fad diets, all hopeful that what they have found is going to be quicker or better than changing their habits to make good choices for the rest of their lives.  And my answer is always the same;

What will you do when you are done with your “diet”?

Most people don’t realize the weaved web of obesity.  But I won’t go into that today. 

Today I am simply going to say; if you read an article and enjoy it – good for you.  But if you read an article and live by it……better research what you are living.

Happy Tuesday.