Camp

Well, it's a new day.  Another day.  A day that I don't get to do what I planned.  Got one at camp, and one home sick.  My morning plans have been altered, yet again.

We sent Aspen off to camp yesterday.  It's a weird feeling.  I have heard moms talk (whine) about it for years.  "My baby's gone, I miss her".  Well, now it's my turn.  My baby's gone and I miss her.

However...I'm VERY excited for this opportunity for her.  True; we can't talk to her for a few days, but, I just know she's having the experience of her lifetime. 

It's funny watching your kids grow up.  When Aspen was born, I didn't leave her anywhere for 9 months.  Anywhere!  No date nights, no movies out, she slept in our bed -she was attached!  As she has grown, we have let go a little more and a little more and watched her become this sweet independent girl.  And to see her picture at the bus, with her friend; it's like someone hit the fast forward button. 

Yes...I was present during her life; but every so often, you get a glimpse and you are thrown back to "yesterday" and I have to say, it made my heart happy and sad at the same time.

I love who she is becoming.  She's very compassionate.  I get compliments about her all the time.  She has a great sense of humor, and she's a bright girl. 

And, I can't help but feel that with this trip, I just lost my baby.  Next year she will be going to middle school.  And I know first hand, kids change when they get to middle school.  Not as many hugs, "please drop me around the corner so no one can witness I have a parent"......and I would like to say I'm ready.

But I'm not.

Someone posted a question about bullying on their facebook, and I instantly replied.  It got me thinking about the bullying that will happen at middle school, and how things will get tougher for my child. 

I talk to parents of teens and they have all said the same thing to me, verbatim, as if it were scripted from a book I never got: "Oh, you just wait.  You have nooooooo idea!!!!"

REALLY?  That's the best you got for me???

And though I already know this is true; because I lived in teen hell myself, once upon a time - I am not ready to face it with my child.

I will listen to any parent who wants to talk to me and I will read any book that might have an ounce of wisdom.  I will do whatever it takes to educate myself in preparation of dealing with this time in our ( I mean their) lives. 

I look forward to watching both of my kids grow, and being there for them every day.  However, I do not look forward to those years, between 12 and 21, where I somehow lose my intelligence and become one of the stupidest people in their lives.