Santa's Elves.....

The elves showed up this morning.....4 of them. 
Last night Avery put out a note, crackers and water.  Apparently this attracts the elves...and apparently it works.

The elves come to visit around this time every year and start stirring up mischief.  The only move when you don't see them.  You will leave the room and when you come back, they are somewhere else.

Sometimes they get into food containers.  Last year we found them hanging out of cereal boxes.  Thankfully they don't each much.

Last year, we only had two.  And when I came home from work one night, there were two little elves planted on the bushes outside, each carrying a gift for the girls.  I didn't realize they would all be back this year.

Avery wanted to take hers to school this morning.  I told her it was too early.  It's not even December first and I don't even know why they showed up early.  Her response was clear and concise:
"Note, Crackers, Water!  I TOLD you they would come!"

I couldn't argue with that, so I told her that she may take one of the smaller ones but she'd better protect it, because if it gets lost or goes missing, so do her presents from Santa.

I'm pretty sure the elf will make it home safely today.

I'm kind of glad they showed up.  I'm feeling a little cheerier today.  They are kind of cute little buggers.   I just hope they make sure to steer clear of the dogs.  As I have never actually seen them move,  I do know they can be slow.   At least a little slower than Kara.....which is slow enough.  We prayed for it as we sent it back to Santa's surgical center.  But we never saw it again....... :(

Happy Wednesday!

To My Child

Avery begged me to go through her baby box last night, and so I obliged.  I'm glad I did.  I found a nice reminder of something, and I decided it will be my daily tangent. 

To My Child
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick up you and take you to the park to play.  Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.  Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.  Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.  Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.  Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal, so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.  Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.  Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favorite TV shows.  Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and the mothers and fathers who are  in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night, I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer.  It is then, that I will thank God for you and ask him for nothing,

except one more day........


Happy Tuesday

Thankful and grateful!!!

What  would you do if you were alone?  I mean totally alone, no friends or family to rely on?

This past week I have come across people who feel that way, and it makes me sad. 

This morning I had the opportunity to help someone in need; and though not a big sacrifice on my part - how nice that I could be on the other end of the line for this person!  And I know the favor would be  returned if the need ever arises!

In the past few weeks I have had many ups and downs (I know...total SHOCKER).  But for every situation, there was someone on the other end of the line for me. 

And in the past few weeks, I have been on the other end of the line for someone else.

I just can't imagine not having someone there.

I had someone tell me this week that every year they send gifts to their kids and grandkids; and not one of them returns with a thank you, let alone an acknowledgement.  Her face was so sad, it broke my heart.

This past week was Thanksgiving, and I assure you, I have taken much time to acknowledge how thankful I am for my friends and family.

I have said it a million times and I'll say it a million more; we NEED each other!!!  I see the value in that every single day!

I'm glad that I can be called upon.  And I'm thankful I can help!  No matter how small.  I am equally grateful that I can call upon so many.  I am truly blessed.

Please take time this week and realize how small acts can make big impacts!  To parents, children, family, and especially strangers.  Just a smile, sometimes, is all that is necessary!

Have a grateful week!
Happy Monday!

Accountable me.....

Bounced out of bed this morning and went to Weight Watchers to weigh in.

Why?

Because I got a note from my boss that I'm eeking out of my healthy weight range.  And as a requirement of my job, I need to stay on top of it! 
(I got this note the day before Thanksgiving!)  LOL

I wasn't mad when I saw it.  My bosses are all very nice.  I did need that little nudge, because this time of year, it's easy to let it get away from you.

I have had discussions with my husband on weight management.  He sees the choices I make, he lives with me, he was present as I lost every last of the 52lbs....yet his "approach" still differs from mine!

And as a result, he tends to go up a little/down a little.....all the time!

I can honestly say, since hitting goal in 2009, I have always kept my weight within 5 lbs of my goal weight.  I weigh myself regularly, and I know how to do damage control and bring it back in.

The note from my boss was a 'gentle' reminder to take care of me.  Something I had let go a bit of in the last few months.  It was that little voice in the back of my head that somehow came rushing forward all at once when I got his note.

I told some friends about it, (because I find it a little embarrassing and a little humorous) and I got some good tips for quick weight loss before weigh ins.  Some, I had heard before.

I know sports people go to extremes to "drop weight" before a weigh in, but again....I can speak honestly when I have NEVER done any of that!!!  (not that it didn't sound appealing at times...after all I am all about immediate gratification!)

Ever since I was a kid, the strongest thing I took was Dexatrim.   And it didn't work.  Because as with ANY diet aid, the bottles always read, "With proper diet and exercise......" 

And so when Phen-Fen came out, I didn't consider it.  Nothing before, and nothing after.   I knew I would only do it the right way....when I chose to do it.

Weight Watchers puts everything in your control.  It is up to the individual to put it to work.  And if you practice and practice and practice the principals over and over, they will become part of your life.  But you have to keep trying and never give up so it has time to start fitting into your life.  Then pretty soon it becomes your life.  But if you give up, it won't work.

Over the last two days, I was very good, and this morning I weighed in at goal (yay me).  And I didn't do any drastic measures to get there.  I just went back to what worked.

I was glad for my bosses note.  Someone out there is keeping me accountable.  And clearly, it wasn't me!  I'm feeling good this morning.  I always feel good when I make the right choices!

Happy Sunday!

Ego vs. Faith

I have done a lot of thinking about peoples' stations in life.  And I feel there are two drives.....  Ego...or Faith!

Faith is soul driven and Ego is mind driven. 

As I get older, I see where one's motives derive.

Ego, in my opinion, is a cancer in our soul.  Yes, I'm pretty brave in saying that, but honestly, people who are Ego driven won't or can't be phased by that statement. 

Ego gets in the way of the root of who we are. 

Some people are purely driven by ego.  Which in my opinion means, they are above fault.

Faith, on the other hand, is at the mercy of the soul.  It is the deepest level one can go.  Faith means one has resigned themselves to the power that is beyond them.  They realize life and reality beyond their own existence.

I believe that these are the two extremes by which one can live.

Yet, so many dwell in the middle.

There is such a fight between ego and faith, that the two can never come together.  Can you identify anyone in your life that falls to either one extreme or the other?

I know both sides.

I pity the Ego.

If we live in the Ego, we have nothing.  Everything that exists falls in between our ears.

Yet if you fall to the other extreme - Faith, you are infinite.

One has limits.  The other is limitless.

Where do you want to fall in your lifetime?

My opinion? 

Check your ego at the door!

Happy Saturday!

Ideals, Hopes...and reality....

Thanksgiving.... a time to give thanks for what we have!
But what do you do with your hopes on Thanksgiving?
Your ideals?

What if you have this ideal that everything will be perfect, and everyone will come together, and there will be not conflict? But it doesn't happen?

For years our family has been chipping apart. Lives change, opinions get stronger, and many don't align. Inevitably; things start to fall apart if they aren't worked on.

As we get older, our filters become less and less. Until you start spewing whatever comes to mind. That is what makes older people interesting.  And sometimes not.

I had hopes that yesterday would be fine. I came with my mouth shut, hopes high and focused on the children.

I left in tears, because I couldn't help what I felt and for the sake of the children, I thought it best to remove myself. But it was too little too late, because they saw me crying and I can't undo that.

I remember when we were children. We didn't always get along, but we were all we had. Five kids. Three boys, two girls. Our parents worked a lot, so we were left to our own devices a lot. The smaller ones looked up to the bigger ones for guidance. We followed their lead (We had no choice -I was #4 out of 5) My oldest brother taught me how to break into our house when it was locked and no one was home. He also taught me to climb on the roof of the house.

I idolized him. He was the end all, be all. He knew everything.

I wore his clothes to school, and listened to everything he said. I even got sent to the principals office for repeating a joke he told to his friends! (I remember the joke; I deserved to go to the principal). All I knew was he told it and everyone laughed. And if I told it, then I would be just like him.

Fast forward a few decades and life is drastically different. We hardly talk and our lives are completely different.  His beliefs are way different than mine. So much so that it is hard to be together at all.

I do my best not to judge, but it is so hard. But I'm sure he judges me too. We are just different now. Our life choices have led us down very different paths.

So to come together on Thanksgiving and get along and be jovial might be a little bit of a stretch. Maybe it's not fair of me to hope it will be better. But  I do. I did. I was wrong.

I left my moms in tears. I couldn't hold back my thoughts and my frustrations got the best of me. I excused myself and went home.

I didn't want to bring down Thanksgiving, but I guess I did. My hopes were dashed, my heart a bit crushed, and I'm probably the one to blame. Simply because history dictates much, and I chose to ignore.

One thing I am thankful for....I am my fathers daughter. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Happy Friday

Happy Thanksgiving

Wow.  Good morning to all.

I just ambled out of bed and I am anxious to run downstairs as I already smell breakfast cooking and my stomach is growling!

I haven't woken up to the smell of breakfast in quite a while, and let me tell you, what a treat!!

Last night Chris decided to make over night french toast (my favorite), as well as bacon and sausage on the side.

I'm not a huge bacon and sausage person, but I think you would agree that the smell is quite delicious!!!

Today, I give thanks for so much.  This year is winding out to be pretty darned good.

I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with reminders of the greatness of life, friends, family and our health.

And now if you will excuse me, I need to go downstairs and grab myself a plate; after, of course, I kiss my husband for a delightful awakening!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!!

Hustle and bustle

Well, I am blogging from outside Trader Joes. The girls decided they wanted one more thing, so I let them go in and get it themselves. They are at a great age and I am truly loving every minute of it.

So far today, I have colored my hair, baked banana muffins, gone to Costco to fulfill a list for me and two other people, delivered the goods, dropped off and picked up my kids from a play date, and now stopping at TJs to get salad foru lunch.

People are out everywhere, doing their last minute stocking up for their Thanksgiving feast.

As I am sitting here waiting for the girls, I am watching the people scurry with looks of stress on their face. The closest thing I see to a smile is fierce determination. I feel like people are looking at me smiling wondering what is wrong with me. But the truth is, I am truly grateful for a day off with my girls. And I don't care how we spend it.

So, if you are one of those with fierce determination on your face and you are rushing around in a frenzy trying to get things done, remember this.....

Take a deep breath, because you will get through this.

If that doesn't work, then lower your expectations, learn to delegate, and have yourself a great day!!!

Happy Wednesday

Fail to plan, plan to fail.....

Every feel like you are flying by the seat of your pants? Well my friends, welcome to my world!

I know, I know....nothing new here. Right? Well, this is just another story of how I got ahead in one area...and fell behind in another. There always seems to be a cost somewhere.

Interestingly enough, I am totally super okay with it. It just reminds me it is time for the balance to shift.

I am coming to the conclusion that somehow, somewhere someTHING has to give at all times. If we got everything (I mean, like EVERYTHING) we wanted at all times, we would surely not appreciate what is really important.

We need to keep "righting" ourselves to keep in balance. It is like living your life on a tray that is balancing on one point. Too much to one side....you tip. Too much to the other side....you fall. And everything goes topsy turvy.

Now...if you are well balanced like me....you have learned to run around the tray so fast that nothing actually falls off....it just falls over so you can pick it up later when something else is off kilter.

Well in my case this week, the downstairs of my house is (still) clean, and my photo orders are all placed ( including our holiday card), and my weight watchers training has been completed......only my health is now at risk, because I haven't had a good workout in weeks.

Why it was only today that my husband had to bring in a crowbar to remove my butt from the desk chair I was sitting in, because I was so far wedged, I could hardly move. (Don't cry for me Argentina....)

Thankfully, the tray is tipping and I am ready to run to the other side. I can do this. I have done it before.

Sometimes it is best to be okay with what we did not do, because what we did do was so great....it kept the balance well enough for another day.

But, it is time to get those shoes on for the mad dash, and pick up a few fallen items along the way to the other side.

As I always say...balance is key! ( I just don't know who I always say it to!)

Oh well.....Happy Tuesday!

Old Age or Seasonal affective disorder....or stress?

I don't know if I'm getting older and this just happens, or I'm just so burned out that my stamina is at a low!

Every Sunday night we have dinner at my house with my mom and best friend.  This week, my brother and his family joined us, as well as my brothers best friend, whom I haven't seen in years.  I consider him another little brother (even though he towers over me by a foot!...well almost).

It was so nice having everyone gather around the table.  I just love listening to the conversations go in a million directions.  I miss my little brother and his family, so I'm very grateful for the time together.

But even though I adore them....I started petering out around 8pm.  Now, true, I did do 2 photo session, run around town looking for outfits for us and did our family session as well, and didn't have a moment to sit for myself, but still....lasting only until 8pm?   That's just sad!  Thankfully, everyone else was ready to go too, but I just can't believe how hard it is to stay awake!

Pictures of really old people dozing off in church come flashing over my mind.  Maybe the aren't bored after all....maybe this is just what happens and God knows this so he puts lulls in all the sermons to the feeble can take a break from listening?  Who knows........

All I know is that once upon a time, I would look at the clock on Sunday nights and be so bummed that mom had to leave by 10, because there were times we were in heated games and not ready for our Sunday night to end!

Now, at 8 o'clock, I'm wishing I could be in bed and let them carry on without me.

That  said, I enjoy the company and still look forward to it every Sunday!  And thankfully, I have been in good company, because my company is more than happy to pack it up and head out, usually just as tired as me!  I guess it's the winter season.  We are preparing for hibernation!

Whatever the reason, I'm gonna go with it.  Nobody seems to be complaining....but me!

Happy Monday!

Christmas Music and gifting

Starting my morning off a little late; had to take my niece and the girls to Krispy Kreme in their pjs for a morning excursion.

My little brother is down visiting for the holidays with his family.  I have yet to see him, his wife and their son.  They were here yesterday, but I had to clean my house and shoot a bridal shower.  When Chris picked up the kids yesterday, he brought home an extra.

It's so great to see family around the holidays.  I can't help but reflect back on our childhood and how we were raised.

On the way back from Krispy Kreme, I was switching channels and I heard Christmas music.  Aspen said aloud to Savanna, "I love Christmas music!" 

For some reason that statement took me back over 30 years.  My dad used to play Christmas music ON Christmas.  Not before, or after (as I can recall), and it used to bug me.  Because it just "showed up" on Christmas.  This didn't create the Christmas spirit to me. 

I'm not sure what Christmas spirit is, to be honest.  I don't know why people talk about it like it's a fond thing, because most people I see this time of year are a bit stressed out and usually anxious about something.  Me included.

I'm scrambling to think about what to get for whom.  I need to think ahead, because I don't want to buy just anything.  I really want it to be special.
But, now I ask the question: what is "special"?

I never understood why my parents stood back on Christmas and watched us rip open our presents.  They never had anything from us (again that i can recall).  We lived a priveleged life.  Not a rich one; but priveleged.  When I think back on my Christas' a few gifts stand out.  One was of a set of monkeys that hugged each other.  I don't know why I remember these monkeys. But they were special.  They were something I hadn't asked for.  And then I remember the game of Risk.  It was something I asked for, but ultimately never ended up learning how to play it and so it sat there unused.

It's interesting to me that the item I didn't ask for was more special and lasted way longer than the item I thought I wanted.  As any kid, how would I know the difference.  I want what I want and that is that!

But in the end, it was the love of the gift given that I didn't ask for that held the most love.  And therefore got the most joy from me, the recipient.  It's almost like my dad knew exactly what he wanted me to have.  I wish I still had those monkeys today!

So in thinking about the Christmas spirit, my goal ever year, is to find those monkeys for my loved ones.  Unfortunately, at the end of the day....I usually end up with Risk!

Christmas spirit for me, is in the days that lead up to the holiday.  It is the constant reminder of what we have.  Right now.  Both in each other and ourselves.  It is the gift that was given to us from God that there is honestly no way we can repay.  Which in my opinion is why it is so hard to "gift" at the holidays.

So I will do my best to sing those Christmas songs with my girls every day until Christmas.  And I will be thankful for all we have.  And the gifts......ehhhh ....whatever!!!

Happy Sunday!

Go team

The stage is set. The lists are ready. The responsibilities doled out. The team is assembled and ready to go.

For what you ask?

To clean house!!

Earlier this week I enlisted the help of a friend to walk around and make a list of all the chores that need to be done, as this I'd a no brainer for her, she was eager to oblige.

Truth is, she knows me and my house so well, she hardly had to walk around the house to come up with over 60 items to clean. She made a list for every member of the house, and today she is coming over to supervise and put it all into play.

We have a four hour window, and at least 25 chores each to conquer in that time limit.

The goal is that this is the beginning of our housecleaning regimin.

This week we will implement the sticks.

My girlfriend took my idea and ran with it. She has a three story house and four children and two dogs. They had to let their cleaning people go and she was a bit stressed.

I mentioned my thoughts about making two cars and putting Popsicle sticks in the jars. The first jar is the "to do" jar, while the. Other is "completed". Each stick has a chore. The chores get picked, completed, and moved to the completed jar. And at the end of one or two weeks, they go back, and u start over.

Not only did she love the idea, she ran with it, and has put it in place. She has a jar for each child. One of her daughters was feeling very motivated and completed all eleven of her chores in one day. It is really working.

For us, we just need it clearly laid out. So we will be implementing this process into our lives.

It gives everyone direction as well as motivation, which is nice.

And though I can't yet say I am excited about all this; I am eager to have our team all together, ready to go, with one purpose in mind, and motivation behind us, as well as the support of the best friend ever.

It makes me wanna get team jerseys to up the ante!!!

But one step at a time.......

Happy Saturday

Mobbed...and then what?

I just watched a video clip of a show called "Mobbed".  I have never seen it before, but basically, it is a show where the "mob" people like a flash mob.

In this particular episode, a girl was mobbed with a flashbob, followed by a wedding proposal followed by a wedding.  In TV time, it happened in a few minutes.

At first I was very emotional.  What a great wedding proposal.  I even got tears.  And then the fiance asks, "Do you want to get married right now??"  Well, I'm sorry; what is the girl supposed to say?  She is literally surrounded by thousands of people who just went through the effort of flashmobbing her and they are all staring at her.  Does she have the chance to say no?  NO!  So, she hesistates and looks around (still completely overwhelmed with all that just happened to her) and she sees her best friends coming towards her, already dressed in "bridesmaid" attire and she loses it again. ( Apparently flown in from Chicago). 

Bride to be says yes, everyone starts dancing again, they put a dress on her that looks like a tent, while she has mascara and eyeliner running down her face from all the crying....you're starting to lose me.....

In the end her parents and family was there and she ended up married......My tears have dried up.

I started getting filled with tons of thoughts and questions (welcome to my brain). 

Most of the fun in getting engaged (from what I can remember), is being able to personally share it with all your friends....in due time.  And then the fun is in planning the wedding and having the experience with the bridesmaids in choosing ugly dresses that they'll never wear again! (c'mon...we all have the best intentions).

And then planning the wedding; finding the venue, cutting the guest list, getting in fights, happy surprises, budget cuts, unexpected gifts, choosing the flowers, photographer, cake tasting........

This poor girl, though she got what she wanted....did she get it how she wanted it?

No doubt this was a grand gesture.  But my final questions are this......

How will she feel 'tomorrow' when she wakes up?

And
He shot his wad going out of the gate with the wedding...but for the rest of his life with her, how will he ever follow this one up?????

Think it through people...that's all I'm sayin!!

Happy Friday!

So THAT'S what a real mom is like.....

I am actually way late in getting this thing started so it may be short, unless I can get my fingers to go faster....so hold on tight!

Why am I late you ask?  (Well true, not as late as some days, and not late to you, but definitely to me, because I usually start this and finish by this time.....)

Well, this morning I was like a mom!

What do you mean, a mom?  Of course you're a mom, don't be silly!!!

Yes, true, by default, I am a mom (and thanks for that!)  But truth is, I got up this morning and did what I call "mom" duties for my kids.

Like what?

Well, thanks again for asking.....

Earlier this week we had teacher conferences (always a big "gulp" for me, because I never know what to expect).

Turns out one of my kids may have some learning issues.  Now, as we are not sure, because she is naturally fidgety, I decided to look at diet first.  And then get alarmed afterwards.  At this point, I'm thinking I know the issues......but I will have to confirm it this week.....

One day a few years ago, I watched my daughter sitting at the table.  She was so focused on her task, it was adorable.  And within 20 minutes, something had transpired, and I wasn't sure what!......so I took a step back and wondered, what happened in the last 20 minutes.  Then I looked at the table, and a light bulb as big as New York hit me in the head....

her snack....

Now, being a relatively new mom at the time (under 10 years, I think she was closer to 5) I didn't realize how certain things would affect my child.  But as I looked her her Chocolate Milk and Cinnamon Granola balls (a gift from grandma thank you), I realized that the sugar has taken over my child, and I'm not sure who she is right now......

I literally watched as she bounced out of control and I could do nothing about it except let the sugar wear off.  I was completely taken aback!!!

Now, keep in mind, this same snack would not have affected my other daughter this way, which is why it took me some serious figuring out.

But as I sat in front of this teacher, who told me some concerning thoughts, I realized, I need to see some changes through.  Because the bottom line was, I was responsible for my child and I need to take a look at her habits and see which ones need changing and start the implementation pronto!!!

Does that mean more stuff just fell on my plate??? Absolutely!  But if not me, than who!  I want to see my children thrive.  And I do believe this issue can be corrected, so I have been getting up the past two days to actually cook for breakfast....for her!

Now, as a mom, we make decisions every day.  And for some of us, it's the mere thought of getting through the day that drives our decisions.  I'm struggling as it is trying to get everything done, and my house is a mess, so clearly, I'm already lacking.

But in my opinion (as Erma Bombeck says), in 20 years I won't be talking about how clean my house was (clearly), but I will be talking about how my children grew.  I will be reflecting back asking myself, "Did I make the best possible decisions for my children. And, did I take enough action to guide them into being responsible human beings!"

By this question, I know today, that I may have to work a little harder to help my child thrive and yes it will take more time, but is she worth it?  Absolutely?

Part of self confidence comes in the things we can accomplish.  If a child is sitting in class, and can't accomplish simple deeds, they feel incompetent.  And they start to judge themselves harshly.  They feel self conscious...and they do not thrive.  Which could lead to social withdrawal and further depression.

Wouldn't it be sad if no one looked at that child and realized the "fix" was actually quite simple.  It just took a few extra moments of time in each day?

Children are individuals.  My sister once said so beautifully....Children aren't ours...they pass through us.  (love you Mo).  It's so true!  Each child is their own little soul.  It is up to the parents to lift them up and guide them and teach them well.  To disseminate right from wrong.

My daughter was in the car with me yesterday and she was disappointed in a decision we had to make.  And my response to her was simple:  The Right decision isn't always "comfortable".  A parent will realize this and pass it on to their children.  Because if we grow up making poor decisions in front of our children, it doesn't matter what we have told them.  Because our actions speak louder than words.

OUR ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!!!!!

So, I made breakfast and lunch for my children today.  Something I usually ask that they take care of themselves.  But as that has not been working out so well....I will play mom until they learn better.

(Did I say this was going to be short!???  Silly me)

Happy Thursday

holiday gift ideas and struggles

People are getting creative this holiday.  They are asking for what they want.  And what they want is something useful or meaningful to them.  I already got a note from my nephew requesting his Christmas present.   How bold is that?

Well, I think it's beautiful!!!  And frankly, I'm relieved!  He is on my "must" list (which has gotten progressively shorter every year).

I felt a sense of relief that we could actually contribute towards something that he wants, and it won't be returned!

My hope every year is that I will come up with something that is meaningful for the recipient of my gifts.  Sometimes I work really hard at it.  But in the end, I'm left with a question mark over my head wondering if it will ever leave the box.

My sister in law forwarded an email that I thought was brilliant.  All gifts should be from local retailers for services that will help boost local economy.  I loved this idea, because I realized, many of the things on the list would be things I would definitely use:  Gift certificate for a haircut or nails from the recipients regular salon; breafast certificates from the local restaurant; oil change for the car (College kids would LOVE this!), a cleaning lady visit? (I would LOVE that), coupons for childcare, or whatever!

I know for me, I never get my hair cut.  But when i had a gift certificate, I jumped at the chance.  Massage coupons are never lost either! 

Now, the first thing I thought of when I read that article was: If I could afford a whole massage, I would get one for all my friends.  So, is it okay to give a portion gift certificate?  Absolutely.  Or, work with a few friends to contribute to the whole kitten Kaboodle.  But the point was to shop local retailers.  Too much money goes overseas and our own little economy over here could use a boost.  So why not get creative!!

A few months ago, I had the whole Starbucks fiasco.  Not that they didn't to their best to make it right; but they still don't have my full confidence back.  And as they are such a huge conglomeration, I will likely lean towards the smaller local coffee joint down the street for my local peeps.

Jiffy Lube is right down the street as well as some great little cafes.  And for the kids, maybe a lesson at the local karate place. 

My minds'a rollin' now.

If you have creative ideas, let me know!  This season is hard; and with the economy being what it is, it's very hard earned money that will leave to find its new home.  But if the new home is local; then I guess that works just fine.

Happy Wednesday!

Communication

Communication can effectively make or break a relationship, yet it is most over looked because most people can't seem to get the words out in a way that will work for them.

I was watching a show yesterday where a woman was feeling verbally beaten down by her husband.  I watched as the two sat up on stage, his demeanor confident because he felt that he was there to help his wife.  The wife's demeanor was exactly the opposite.  She sat there, hunched over eyes mostly to the ground, clearly waiting for the beating of her life.  She was going to actually have to speak her truth in front of the host, the husband and the audience.

As I watched her struggle to get her words out part of me felt bad, and the other part was angry.  I wanted to give her the verbal lashing she really needed to hear!

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF GIRL, YOU ARE ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN!!!!

There are very few times I want to jump through the TV and throttle someone; yesterday was one of those days.

Now, I don't know why she married this shlub, but she'd been married to him for 10 years and he apparently had his heels dug into her.  He was upset that she had gained weight over the years and was telling her what to eat and how to workout.

Now, as I sit there watching them, so many questions came to my mind.  Having lost my weight I had to deal with some issues along the way.  If this girl had gained 65 lbs over the 10 years of her relationship....what happened???

There were so many issues sitting on that stage, it would have taken a while to sift through and get to  the root (which he was only a part of it). 

This poor girl had some serious issues and confidence problems that lead to her weight gain.  But in my opinion, her inability to communicate is one of the bigger issues.

My kids get upset when hubby and I fight.  And I know, I know, we shouldn't fight in front of them.  But for that to happen, we would have to move the kids out sometimes!  We have strong opinions and neither of us backs down.   It's like two pit bulls sometimes!  (okay...not really. It just sounded funny to me).

I have explained to my kids on many occasions that they do not always get along as sisters, and they do not always agree with their friends and daddy and I don't always agree either. 

But at least we talk it out and get past it, which is the most important thing.

I knew a couple who was taken aback when they saw me and hubby get into a disagreement.  They never had moments like that.  ..........

.......and eventually their relationship ended.......

No one knows what is going on in your head.  (sometimes we do thank God for that I know!).  But if something this bothering you, it is so important to talk through it and get past it.

If you are "stuffing" your feelings, other things tend to happen.  You could displace your emotions and take it out on some poor undeserving soul, or something else can happen.

With this girl on the show, I believe her weight is a symptom of her bad marriage.  Her husband doesn't appreciate who she is and wants her to change, yet he can't effectively communicate it.  And all she wants to hear from him is I love you no matter what.  But she isn't getting it.

Thankfully on the show he got slammed a bit and put in his place.  But the bottom line is this poor couple needs therapy and lots of it.

Relationships aren't perfect.  Me, having been with the same man for 16 years, we have had our ups and downs and I'm sure we aren't done.  But we do take time to get our thoughts out of our heads.  And we come back to them until we finish them.  Sometimes it isn't done in one fell swoop.  Sometimes it takes chipping away.   And I think we are pretty good chippers.

If you feel something....say it.  No one can change how you feel, but they can change how they react to you.

Happy Tuesday

How will you parent your kids differently then you were parented?

I'm still swirling with the parenting issues of today.  I think it is pretty hard to tell when one is overcompensating, or just feeling good and therefore, embellish upon their children.

I know I do it too.  I think sometimes if I think about it enough, my kids will be perfect and I'll be "issue free".  But that is absurd and I know better, so who am I kidding?

I had a conversation the other day about child rearing and what kids should be held responsible for.  And my answer is their bottom line responsibilities should be school and their environment.

School is a done deal here.  Dance is their extra that they work towards.  Bad grades in school, dance is re-evaluated.

But their environment has fallen through the cracks.  At least in my house it has.

We have a bad pattern that needs to be turned around.  By the time we get to the cleaning side of things, it is usually a frantic, "Come on, let's get this done" and emotions run high which make for a very volatile encounter. 

I get frustrated, because my hope is it will just get done.  But again...I know better. 

However, I have had many conversations with my kids about their responsibilities.  One of my daughters is always in a "want" state.  Well, finally, I dished back and helped her to understand that I meant business.

She was asking for something, yet she didn't do what I had asked of her.  I think she wanted food.  I can't remember if it was lunch, but I knew she wasn't starving or malnourished so I played my cards. 

"You want lunch, and I wanted your clothes put away.  I didn't get what I wanted, so you aren't getting what you wanted.  When you give me what I want, I will give you what you want!"

With much aggravation and frustration, she went upstairs and finished what she was asked and then came for lunch.

I have told her on many occasions, "I'm only required to feed and shelter you......Mattresses are optional but can be earned".  (Thankfully, I have only used that once...but let me tell you how effective it was when she realized all around her that was "extra".)

I'm sure I am scarring my children.  My parents did it to me, and their parents did it to them. It's the joys of parenting.  I always tell my kids, "I know I'm screwing you up and you will let me know how I did it later!"

Some of these moments shape us for the better. Some make us go off the deep end.

But in the end, as far as I'm concerned it comes down to actions and consequences.  Cause and effect.  As long as my kids are responsible for their own actions and actually admit it....I will be happy!

Happy Monday!

Building character and being accountable

I remember as a kid, I  heard about the possibility of earning money throwing papers.  I was in 6th grade.  I called right away and got my first paper route.  Then in 7th grade I changed papers and started working for the Orange County Register.  I had 55 people on my route.  I did it for a few years.

Then after that I got a "real" job at Lamppost Pizza; did that through high school and graduated over to a bank.  I have literally been working since 6th grade.

What about kids today?

Life has changed in the last 30 years.  Kids aren't as responsible as they used to be.  And many of them have no idea what consequences are.

I have friends who have teenagers.  I'm not looking forward to these years, because the horror stories I'm hearing do not make me happy.

I once asked a friend, "Why don't you just take their car away".  And the response was, "Because it makes it harder on the parents to get them where they need to go".  I Chee Waa Waa.......

Parents are tired and working harder than ever; it's imperative that the children hold up their end of the bargain which is to  be responsible.

I totally see where my friend was going with this because I knew exactly what she was talking about.  However....if you aren't willing to give your kid a severe consequence, then WHAT IS THEIR MOTIVATION TO BE RESPONSIBLE??????

I think about my dad a lot!  He worked his ASS off for his five children.  My mom worked hard as well.  I focus  more on my dad, because I see so many men out there who feel it is an OPTION to pay for their kids when they separate from the moms.

For my dad it was never an option.  He worked hard to the death.  Thankfully, he stayed with my mom and together they did their best to raise 5 children.  If my dad saw what goes on today, I think he would be mortified.

People are not taking responsibility for their own actions and it's a shame. 

We live in a world of instant gratification.  Only when one doesn't actually "earn" something, there is no true appreciation for it. 

I can guarantee you that when you look back on the things most treasured to you they are probably things you worked hard for!  Because in the end, that is what helps build character.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated today, because I see it happening all around me.  And our society is diminishing in character.

It starts at home keeping people responsible for their actions.  My kids know their minimum requirement is to be a good student.  If they earn that, then they can continue to dance.  If they start slipping, so do their dance classes.  I'm not going to work as hard as I do so they can slack off.

They have other responsibilities.  Some they get to and some they don't.  I can't sweat everything.  But I do know that if they make a choice that goes against who we are, there will be consequences for THEIR actions. 

It's not a house of brutal punishment.  We are merely building the foundations of their character and holding them accountable for choices they make.

Actually, it's how we all should be living.

I could go on....but I think you get the drift.

Happy Sunday

shopping and values

This weekend will be spent catching up on my photography work.
I am grateful for the "clear" day on my schedule so I can hunker down and work.

Yet it's hard sometimes to take a weekend and "work".  I feel like I live at my desk sometimes.

That said, I do take breaks.  Yesterday I took the girls to South Coast Plaza.  As I worked there years ago, I do my best to avoid it.  It's too big, too busy and way to expensive for my taste.

BUT....it is a pretty place and I knew they would have their decorations up and ready to go, so I wanted to share that with my kids.

The first thing the kids noticed were the bicycle cops.  "Why are they riding bicycles and what are they doing?"

I explained that Santa Ana isn't the best part of town, and as the richer people come here to shop, it's prime place for car break in's.  Instantly Avery took a blanket from the back of my car and started covering up all the dance bags.  (I found this funny).

Next question:  "Then why did they put the mall HERE?"  HAHA....  Good question.  I told her it's been there for years and they keep upgrading it and it's the closest mall to Newport Beach, so it is upgraded rather nicely. 

As soon as we got out, the girls were excited to go "shopping".  What they didn't realize is I meant "Window-shopping"  a term they would soon learn to hate.

My plan was not to go and spend a million dollars there, but to see how inexpensively we could get out of there.  It was my own little plan that I didn't share with the kids.

First we went to Rain Forest Cafe.  We all split an appetizer plate (the big one) and got out of there for under $20. 

Then we looked around and took some flowers (from my garden) to a friend working at Bloomies.  She was so happy to see us (I worked with her just that morning, so she wasn't over the moon for me, but the girls). 

Then we wandered around to See's candies.  I got lollipops for us and a few chocolates but we all enjoyed the Free chocolate as our dessert.  I asked the girls if they liked their chocolate and Avery said she ate "most" of it.  I asked her what she did with it and she told me she threw it away.  You could have heard skidmarks througout the mall...........

Suffice it to say, she will do the right thing next time and offer it to her mama!!!! 

The girls ogled Abercrombie.  Aspen has been asking me about stuff in that store for a while now.  As we have gotten some hand me downs that were Abercrombie, we really like the quality of their clothes.

The girls went to the back (I have them trained for the Clearance section) we sifted through some items.  They love dance, so anything to cover their dance clothes is the most enticing.  We found sweats on clearance.  They were super soft and pretty and if they sold them in adult size I would have scooped them up myself.

I let the girls try a pair on.  What I didn't tell them is their Uncle Sven offered me $20 per child to get them something from the mall.  What my sister doesn't know is it's coming out of her account!  (Thanks Mo).

When I told the girls they could each get a pair, they were beside themselves.  I asked the cashier to give them each their own bag (not realizing how nice their bags are I would have taken one for myself).  The girls left their with their own bag clutched tightly to them.  They looked at each other and said, "I can't believe we are leaving Abercrombie with a pair of pants!  I can't believe this is happening!!!"

It was the cutest thing ever.

Now, to qualify; it's not that I'm cheap!  But I don't see the point in paying extra money for something that my daughters are going to ruin in a matter of days.

They are young and don't really 'value' the value of a dollar.  And though we are not rich by any means; if we were, I would likely still make the same choices.

I spent a few years frivolously buying whatever they wanted, to only end up picking it up time and again.  Over the last few years, I have made them "want" things a little bit more.  I make a bigger deal when I spend money on things I would like them to take care of.

As it is; when I dropped the girls at dance, I let them know they need to take care of their new pants and not get them too dirty, because if they start having stains on them, then I will not let the pants outside the house.

Avery opted to leave hers in the car, while Aspen proudly wore hers over her dance clothes into her class.

Our little excursion was no more than two hours. But it was the funnest two hours of my week.

Happy Saturday

Middle school antics

Last night Aspen and her girl scout troop got together for a pow wow.  I got to sit in and listen and chat with the girls as well.

The leaders wanted to check in with the girls and see how their middle school experience was going.   It was amazing to us that the "Popular" people were already established.  And it so happens that they are the ones who are 'dating' each other and using bad language.

Thankfully, it is none of our girls.

"Dating" at this age is a bit different than when I was a kid.    It honestly sounds like marking territory than anything else.  A kid will ask another kid if they wanna go out.  The kid says yes and BOOM....they are dating.

Usually lasts until lunch time I'm guessing. 

But my question is Why?

They are so young yet so anxious to grow up.  I remember this for myself. I wasn't 11, I was 11 3/4.  Or "almost 12". 

It's like they are anxious to shed their protective skin layer and become individuals who make independent decisions.  It was very interesting listening to the kids talk about their experience.

The leaders talked about the use of the word Popular and what it means to them.  And I find it funny that one girl in middle school is literally discussing how popular she is.  I don't want to judge, but sounds like the town slut to me.  (hopefully I am wrong).

It is funny to me how the kids are so observant about the other kids' behaviors.  The caddiness with the girls started long ago in elementary school, and now it is carried over into a bigger fish pond with lots more fish.

Most of the girls have made new friends.  No surprise there.  But some of the girls have already shed their new friendships because the other kids weren't so nice.

As I listened, I actually got a great sense of our girls.  They are all children with very present parents.  And the words coming out of their mouths were very mature and respectful.

They were all anxious to share their stories and ask their questions and bond with each other as a group; knowing that while their middle school experience won't be easy; it will be handled together. 

I loved listening to how open they all were.  It's almost like they were so relieved to blow steam about what has been happening to them and around them. 

For the most part it wasn't shocking to any of us moms.  Between the three of us, we covered all gamut of middle school experiences.  One of us was popular (totally not me), one was indifferent, and I was mortified.  I hated middle school.  My world was complete in elementary school.

The immersion of all these other schools into one was too much for me to handle.  And I was in 7th grade.  These girls are in 6th.

You'll be happy to know that bullies still exist, people who use others for their homework, nerds, rich kids, popular kids....it's all the same.  

But thankfully, our girls have something to fall back on while going through this experience. 
Us!

Very glad to be present in my kids lives.  I see how it makes a difference in the choices they make growing up. My daughter has no interest in dating anyone, nor did any of these girls.  They don't 'need' it.  They have a very good sense of who they are.

And if someone does ask my daughter out and she says yes....I'll make sure to meet the little fella.  He can come to my house and I'll introduce myself....while I'm cleaning my double barrel shotgun.  Just like my dad did for me!!

Happy Friday!

To shop or not to shop

I saw a sign from nordstroms that said they will decorate for Christmas after Thanksgiving because they wish to celebrate one holiday at a time. I enjoyed that so much, I may actually start shopping there.

Yes....I am the 'one' who doesn't.

I don't think I really have anything against them. I even worked as a temp there in my youth. It is a great store.

But for some reason I never felt it was for me.

It always seemed so 'above me' and so I never went.

I think I typecast and therefore, I stick to my same places.

I think that is true for a lot of us. We get used to what we like and we go with it and usually stick with it. As it turned out; though I liked Nordies, later in life I worked a Macy's for a longer period of time, and so I stick with them.

But the bottom line is I really hate clothes shopping or any other kind of shopping and so I do my best to avoid it at all costs.

And with the holidays coming, you will not likely find me skipping happily into any stores at all. More likely I will be that grumpy lady, yelling at her kids doing my best just to get through it.

For years I tried so hard to find that perfect gift for each person. My husband would yell at me saying, 'why do you bother...just get gift cards. Nobody cares how much time you spent trying to get that perfect gift'

I resisted for years thinking he was copping out and didn't want to spend time thinking about anyone else.

But one year it happened. I got the call that said, thank you for the gift, but I will be returning it.

So now, it is gift cards for most. Well...that is until my Starbucks debacle where I got a $20 gift card and it came up empty and I was too embarrassed to mention it to the giver. It made me realize that there are probably millions of gift cards floating around empty, while the companies are raking in the Free cash. No thank you!!!

So now, going into this season, I am a bit perplexed as to how to proceed.

I may possibly go into Nordstroms, but if I can avoid it all together, I may just put this task on hubby's list and let him proceed as he wishes.

Would love to hear your thoughts on how you deal and cope with this season. Please feel free to share. I need suggestions and I need them fast. If nothing else....a little encouragement will do.

Happy Thursday

outside validation

Have you ever looked to others to give you a boost or a compliment?  I  know I have. 

Lately, though, I have looked to others for encouragement. 

I've spent a lot of time in recent months evaluating my life and asking questions;  Is it going where it should?  Am I putting forth enough effort?  And my favorite....Anybody else feel this way???

Well, the truth is, I already know the answer.  To all of the questions.  But it doesn't mean I have acknowledged or changed them at all.  More often than not; I fall back into old patterns that brought me to my original question....and then repeat that cycle every so often.

Recently I had a discussion with a friend that set me off.  Can't exactly remember what was said, because I was too focused on the impact it had on me.

I realized I'm not a detail person.  Some people can recall every detail of a moment.  I just remember how I felt.   I used to say I had a bad memory, but in truth, it's pretty damned good.

I remember vividly, certain moments I was hurt, betrayed, scared.  I remember smells.  To this day, old musty smells trigger vivid memories of my childhood.

I remember moments that shaped me. Or broke me.

I find myself dwelling back on those from time to time.  Those "anchors" in my history created what you see before you.  ME! 

Would I change any?  Probably not.  Unless it involved hurting another.  Which I have hurt many, I'm sure, in my past.  And I'm sure that shaped who they are today.

I know we aren't meant to lead effortless and easy lives.  Simply because I know of no one who has skated through life. 

I do, however, know people who make the best of their bad situations.  And I admire them. 

I also know people who wallow.  I do not admire them.

We can't help what happens to us at all times.  But we can do our best to look to others for support and guidance to get us through.  In the past few days I have reached out to so many people.  And by Gods grace, some have reached out to me.

I'm truly touched that my life is so blessed with support all around me.  I never feel alone.  Not to be mistaken with feeling lonely, which we all feel at times.  I know I'm never alone.  I have learned long ago, that if we don't look to each other, then we are empty and hopeless.

And though I don't feel like I skate through life or all my issues.  I don't mind borrowing someone else's skates for a while.

Happy Wednesday

Futility and bullet recovery

I had quite an emotional day yesterday, dealing with the bullet and recovering from my wounds. The feeling stayed with me for quite a while.

Lately, I feel like I am missing the mark a lot, so I still say it is no wonder I got shot in the face. It is almost like life's way of saying, 'snap out of it and get your shit together'.

But the thing is; I really try. All the time. I feel like I am constantly trying to improve myself on so many levels. Yet what I feel is I am trying to reinvent the wheel, which is a huge waste of time as it has already been done.

Futility: uselessness as a Consequence of having no practical result.

A consequence. That is how I feel I am running of late. Living my life in consequences.

There are consequences to every action - or inaction, as it were.

No matter the choices we make, we have to deal with the consequences. Good or bad. On a scale that tips right for good and left for bad, I am definitely left handed. And I am trying so hard to roll over to the right side, but the big rock in front of me keeps getting in my way and making me slide bag where I came from.

Every feel that way? That no matter how you try, you are fighting an uphill battle?

Well, as I still try to evaluate the bullet in my face, I may have some answers, but not all. And maybe I never will. But I wont stop trying.

Feeling bad about something won't make it go away. And trying to push the rock to the other side of the scale just gets really tiring.

So, I will do my best to get through my day with out dwelling too much on the negative. I have many things to keep me busy. First I will get a jackhammer to break down the large boulder, and start dealing with things one at a time.

Hopefully, if I break it down in to manageable pieces, I can throw it all to the right side, one pebble at a time.

This may take a while.....

Happy Tuesday.

Shot again

I got shot in the face last night. I couldn't believe it.

Ever have dreams like that?

My dream was trying to escape an awkward situation, and as I left, I witnessed a guy getting shot. And when he saw me, he shot me too.

I was terrified. I hate dreams like that.

But I heard they have meaning, so I am looking into it.

The worst part is waking up and still feeling that realness in your body.

I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve it and I am angry that it happened. I feel betrayed.

Betrayed.

I am so naive, it bites me in the butt all the time. I trust, and then get bit. While all standing around me are shocked that I didn't see it coming.

One thing I know about myself is I don't like to anticipate. It isn't in my DNA, ask my husband. When we watch a movie, he is constantly blown away, that I couldn't figure out the ending. I tell him, I never try. I like to let the movie unfold before me. I think it actually drives him nuts. For him, it is almost a game to see how quickly into the movie he can put all the pieces together. Way too much work on my part, no thank you!

But, time and again, I go on the good graces of people, and do my best not to read between the lines....until it's time.

And, I got shot in the face.

I may as well say 'again', because whether it is proverbial, or literal, it happens more than I would like. And then I get hurt. And my heart feels heavy.

But all that being said; if I were to start looking at people as 'potential suspects' I wouldn't enjoy them at all. In most instances, it isn't malicious. It is more unconscious.

We all tend to do stupid things without thinking about it. I know, I do it all the time. We are more driven by our unconscious than most of us are aware.

More often than not, I start my blog with 'I got nuthin'. Then I start writing something and the words just start to flow.

The hardest part of writing for me is editing in my mind as I write, because that takes conscious effort. And who likes to actually 'think' first thing in the morning.

And while I still sit hear with the remnants of being shot in the face, I don't actually remember if I lived, or died. I don't think that was the point of the dream. But I did wake up. And I am thankful for that.

I think today will be spend trying to pull the bullet out. Might be painful....might be effortless. But I would say it is a perfect task for a Monday....wouldn't you?

Happy Monday

action/reaction

Feeling a bit introspective and removed today.  I think I just hit the wall of "overdo".   As they say; stick a fork in me, I'm done!

I kind of feel like that right now.  It's definitely time to take a step back and possibly a step down.  But from what?  I'm looking at my plate and nothing can be easily removed.  I find that happens often.  I'm pretty sure if I took my blood pressure right now, the read wouldn't be smiling back at me.  I'm sure it would have something more of a "humph" face.

I am thankful for my anxiety for one reason; it made me realize I can somewhat control my feelings.  Not necessarily how I feel, but how I react. 

I over process when I'm talking to someone.  My brain is going a million miles a minute; sometimes anticipating what one will say, or trying to figure out what they will need from me.  If it's a need thing, then I need to anticipate my reaction.  If I react immediately, I will inevitably regret it.  While if I wait, I'm usually better off. 

But my mouth usually wants to react right away. 

This is where my training has kicked in.  And while still nowhere near a master, I'm more mastered than I was in the past.

I'm very low on patience.  And I feel that it is apparent to everyone I know.  But I have found out that the damage I'm doing in my head, doesn't always cross my lips.  And for that, I thank God.

If one is to get into a verbal argument with me, you will see me refrain from soooo much.   Maybe even remain quiet.  I seriously fear saying something I will regret.  And as I am very reactionary, I have much regret in my life.

Thankfully, over the years, the filters have creeped in a bit, and I choose my responses more carefully.  Not always, but more often than I used to.

I have many things going on in my mind lately, and I'm nearly starting to feel my eyes start twitching (not exaggerating), yet I do my best to restrain myself.

So, in this time of wanting to blow up; I'm hoping you see a smile and nothing more.  Because those who have seen "something more" can attest to the not so pretty side of me.  And they would tell you so.....if we still talked.......

Happy Sunday.

Here 'tis....

So it's called a daily tangent, which technically means I have until midnight to post.
So, I'm well with in my "daily" at this time, even though because of my timeliness, I have everyone trained to expect it first thing in the morning. 

And to be honest, to have it done early, sets the tone for my day.  And as you can probably guess, my tone is getting set a bit late.

Why, you ask?  Because I said so, that's why!!!

HAHAHA........

Actually, I woke up late and had a leisurely morning....for about an hour.  Then, all the stuff I 'didn't' do piled up on me like an albatross on my shoulders.

Two birthday parties, with no prepared gifts, a Sea World overnight trip that hasn't been packed for yet, and oh, did I mention, my daughter forgot to tell me she outgrew her walking shoes???  Can't exactly send her to Sea World wearing "Foms"  (or , fake TOMS as it were). 
Though she would happily wear them, the fact that they are nearly worn through AND it may be very cold tomorrow won't make for happy feet at the end of the day.

SOOOOOOO.......off we went in search of new shoes. 

That done, I picked up another child, delivered them both to their destination, only to come home and start preparing for party #2!  Getting gift ready, yadda yadda yadda.....

Oh...and lunch.  Must eat to keep up our strength.

I was told I was "lucky" because Chris and I will have a night to ourselves.   But alas it is only partially true.   He will have a night to himself, while I will be shooting a dance event by myself.  (making funny face as I write).

I was told I need to learn to say "No!" more often, but sometimes it is hard.  Easier said than done, I say.  So this is wear we learn to 'carve' a little time to ourselves.  Even though "ourselves" might mean myself and himself.

I have a stack of holiday/wedding/portrait orders that aren't going anywhere unless I touch them. So touch, I must.

And write....I just did!  The tone is now set and the gate is open.....out I go....like a horse at the races.

So, here to you all on this beautiful (yet chilly) Saturday.  If you have time to relax and carve some time for your self.....my hat is off to you!

Happy Saturday!

Balance again

Definitely feeling the effects of my busy weekend and week. I noticed it on Tuesday.

A few years ago, while suffering from anxiety, the doctor gave me a few different things to try to see if meds could bring me back to normal levels. As they have no idea, they basic throw stuff at you to see what sticks.

One of the meds I tried felt like it shut down a connection in my brain. It was like I had something to say, yet it never totally reached my mouth. When I conveyed that to him, he stopped that one and gave me something else.

And though I am on no medications now, I remember the feeling of that one medication and I almost feel like I am revisiting it.

Balance is so important. And when something goes out of balance, something has to give. And right now I think it is me.

The last few days I have felt the tension in my body, and doing my best to figure out a release. On Wednesday I snapped and decided to go for a run. It wasn't a long one, but I instantly felt a bit of a release.

Yesterday, in between three meetings and driving the kids to their appointments, I found a half hour two walk my dogs a few miles, and felt yet another release.

And though it is hard to carve out that time, I am realizing how necessary it is to my health and well being.

If people are going to keep pulling at me, I need to have something to give them to pull....or be able to pull back myself.

I have a friend who really inspired me to find just a tepee minutes here or there. I did discount it in the past. But after feeling the positive effects, I am a believer. And I am thankful for her inspiration.

Happy Friday

Bold

Wow, I went to a friends last night to celebrate their party and when I came home, I was tired.  I saw that the alarm wasn't set and from across the room, I didn't care, so I decided I would chance it!

Not my best of ideas, but when I'm tired it is hard to get me to move.  Especially across the room when I'm already cozy in bed.

So now, here it is 7:23 and I'm just sitting down in front of my computer.

At one point last night, we got into a deep conversation about Facebook (you know; that place I will soon be posting this...the place many of us live to keep in touch?)

Well, they expressed their concerns about being tagged by other people.  If they don't want bad pictures to show up on the internet, there is almost no way to make this happen once it is on facebook.

Even the highest level of security doesn't matter on their part, because if I am the one posting family pictures of hers, she has no control over my world, so she can't touch them.

I told her that I got a little freaked out at one point because as I loaded pictures, it pre-determines who the subjects are based on facial recognition.   A little freaky don't you think?  Now it knows my face?

Not that I am paranoid so much, but one has to think at times; who bought facebook and where are they going with it?

They are making updates at record speed and there is still no one to be able to get ahold of there if you have questions.  Sounds like the government to me!  And if it is, how are they using this valuable resource?

I heard from a judge once that defendants have had Facebook work against them.  They were too stupid to realize that their partying pictures on facebook were found online and brought up in court.  No big deal unless you are fighting a DUI or drug conviction I suppose....

With all that said, I will post my blog, but likely be a little more cautious in the future about everything that I post.  My blog may soon have its own home; if I continue to write it.

It makes me sad that we have to be so paranoid or concerned at times but if we don't protect ourselves, then who will?

And as I sit here and write, and actually have much more to say, I need to go get changed and get ready for work.  They don't really care about my blog there....they care if I don't show up!

Happy Thursday!

Decisions....to worry or not to worry

This week Aspen got an "invitation" to start a Pre-Point class.  She was instantly excited....I was not!

I just got my schedule set up for them and me, and was very excited to see I had one full day off of any other obligation.  This freed me up to either have a "Gel" day with my kids, or just have free time to do whatever.

It is so important to me to have some "me" time, because I feel like I am stretched to the limit sometimes.  I really need the downtime to re-coop!

After I told her "no way" and left her crying, the fear started seeping in.  What if I screw this up?

As it is, Aspen is dancing with girls that are a bit younger than her.  I started her "late" (or so it feels that way), because the girls that are her age are a bit further along in their dance instruction.

I have said it before.  I live my life in hindsight.  It's nothing I am proud of; just something that "is".   

As I didn't want to live in hindsight on this one; I decided to ask around.    And what I found made me very emotional.

The teachers at this dance studio are really looking out for the kids.  They are with my kids a lot and they are watching their development.  They are making decisions on children's behalf based on their skill.  They are looking at the children individually.

One teacher said to me, "I believe your daughter has been underestimated because of her size".   And to that another teacher added, "your daughter has the right attitude and right body structure to go forward.  And with her attitude, she can do anything". 

I found myself holding back tears in front of these teachers.  These are people who not only see my child's potential; they see her heart.  They see her in a way I cannot.  I'm not a dancer.  Not like that!

I was grateful for their vision.  And thankful they see her!

I did some research and talked to other parents.  Parents who have already gone down this path.  And I realized that this decision is a good one for Aspen.  

On the way home from dance, Aspen spent the car ride home convincing me why pre-point was a good decision for her.  "I want to go to a dance college.  They look at ballet technique and this well help me get in!"  I was beside myself listening to her conviction.  She was talking about being on a Ballet Company!  I was stunned......but proud beyond words.  She knows what she wants.  And she isn't afraid to convince me or anyone else of her intended path.

One of the moms expressed to me that she knows it's going to suck to bring her for another day (yes, her words!).....but she convinced me it would most definitely be worth a try!  I'm thankful for her hindsight!

And as I came home last night, I got a call from my brother.  He was concerned about an issue with his 8 year old daughter; my niece.  As he spoke, I could hear the concern in his voice and I knew exactly how he felt.  I gave him my hindsight and he was grateful  (as I always say it takes a village).

And I was grateful for his call.  Because as I was worried about my 11 year old going forward and making sure she grows up right; he was worried about his 8 year old and whether she'd be alright.  And after I hung up the phone with him, I realized that both our girls will be alright!  Because they have parents who worry about them!

Happy Wednesday!

Moving on....

It's over.....my favorite day of the year.

Last night we had a grat time. We brought chili and cupcakes over to a friendsmhouse. Had the grandmas meet us so they could see the kids and eat and be merry.

It was a nice turn out. All the kids piled together and walked the streets, collecting candy.

It saddens me how much less it is from years past.

Every year we walk with the kids, we reflect back to how many kids roamed the streets til 10pm looking for that last house. And how sometimes we would come home just so we could make that first unload to go back out and collect more.

Now, as it stands, we barely hit a quarter of the neighborhood and turned back home. The parents and waiting for the group no doubt slowing down the progress of the energetic kids.

But now it is more of a social affair. How nice for the kids to be accompanied. By all the parents.

More often than not, what a child wants is their parents time (that is until they get old enough to want nothing to do with them.)

On this night, every parent, mother and dad are there - dressed up right along with the kids - walking the neighborhood and having a great time. So I can't feel too sorry for them.

When we got back to the house, all the kids dumped their candy and started sorting, and swapping. It looked like a kids version of a swap meet.

Though Halloween isn't what it used to be, I must say, at least for us, it is probably the best version of what it could be considering the times.

Now will set in the hustle and bustle this time of year brings. The crowded malls the stressed out people, the serious overspending from people who don't have the money.

Though I want to love this time of year, it usually overtakes me and I inevitably end up wanting to move to the north pole or Siberia until January. But once again, I will try to get through it with a smile on my face.

Merry Thansgive-o-ween.