Futility and bullet recovery

I had quite an emotional day yesterday, dealing with the bullet and recovering from my wounds. The feeling stayed with me for quite a while.

Lately, I feel like I am missing the mark a lot, so I still say it is no wonder I got shot in the face. It is almost like life's way of saying, 'snap out of it and get your shit together'.

But the thing is; I really try. All the time. I feel like I am constantly trying to improve myself on so many levels. Yet what I feel is I am trying to reinvent the wheel, which is a huge waste of time as it has already been done.

Futility: uselessness as a Consequence of having no practical result.

A consequence. That is how I feel I am running of late. Living my life in consequences.

There are consequences to every action - or inaction, as it were.

No matter the choices we make, we have to deal with the consequences. Good or bad. On a scale that tips right for good and left for bad, I am definitely left handed. And I am trying so hard to roll over to the right side, but the big rock in front of me keeps getting in my way and making me slide bag where I came from.

Every feel that way? That no matter how you try, you are fighting an uphill battle?

Well, as I still try to evaluate the bullet in my face, I may have some answers, but not all. And maybe I never will. But I wont stop trying.

Feeling bad about something won't make it go away. And trying to push the rock to the other side of the scale just gets really tiring.

So, I will do my best to get through my day with out dwelling too much on the negative. I have many things to keep me busy. First I will get a jackhammer to break down the large boulder, and start dealing with things one at a time.

Hopefully, if I break it down in to manageable pieces, I can throw it all to the right side, one pebble at a time.

This may take a while.....

Happy Tuesday.