outside validation

Have you ever looked to others to give you a boost or a compliment?  I  know I have. 

Lately, though, I have looked to others for encouragement. 

I've spent a lot of time in recent months evaluating my life and asking questions;  Is it going where it should?  Am I putting forth enough effort?  And my favorite....Anybody else feel this way???

Well, the truth is, I already know the answer.  To all of the questions.  But it doesn't mean I have acknowledged or changed them at all.  More often than not; I fall back into old patterns that brought me to my original question....and then repeat that cycle every so often.

Recently I had a discussion with a friend that set me off.  Can't exactly remember what was said, because I was too focused on the impact it had on me.

I realized I'm not a detail person.  Some people can recall every detail of a moment.  I just remember how I felt.   I used to say I had a bad memory, but in truth, it's pretty damned good.

I remember vividly, certain moments I was hurt, betrayed, scared.  I remember smells.  To this day, old musty smells trigger vivid memories of my childhood.

I remember moments that shaped me. Or broke me.

I find myself dwelling back on those from time to time.  Those "anchors" in my history created what you see before you.  ME! 

Would I change any?  Probably not.  Unless it involved hurting another.  Which I have hurt many, I'm sure, in my past.  And I'm sure that shaped who they are today.

I know we aren't meant to lead effortless and easy lives.  Simply because I know of no one who has skated through life. 

I do, however, know people who make the best of their bad situations.  And I admire them. 

I also know people who wallow.  I do not admire them.

We can't help what happens to us at all times.  But we can do our best to look to others for support and guidance to get us through.  In the past few days I have reached out to so many people.  And by Gods grace, some have reached out to me.

I'm truly touched that my life is so blessed with support all around me.  I never feel alone.  Not to be mistaken with feeling lonely, which we all feel at times.  I know I'm never alone.  I have learned long ago, that if we don't look to each other, then we are empty and hopeless.

And though I don't feel like I skate through life or all my issues.  I don't mind borrowing someone else's skates for a while.

Happy Wednesday