How will you parent your kids differently then you were parented?

I'm still swirling with the parenting issues of today.  I think it is pretty hard to tell when one is overcompensating, or just feeling good and therefore, embellish upon their children.

I know I do it too.  I think sometimes if I think about it enough, my kids will be perfect and I'll be "issue free".  But that is absurd and I know better, so who am I kidding?

I had a conversation the other day about child rearing and what kids should be held responsible for.  And my answer is their bottom line responsibilities should be school and their environment.

School is a done deal here.  Dance is their extra that they work towards.  Bad grades in school, dance is re-evaluated.

But their environment has fallen through the cracks.  At least in my house it has.

We have a bad pattern that needs to be turned around.  By the time we get to the cleaning side of things, it is usually a frantic, "Come on, let's get this done" and emotions run high which make for a very volatile encounter. 

I get frustrated, because my hope is it will just get done.  But again...I know better. 

However, I have had many conversations with my kids about their responsibilities.  One of my daughters is always in a "want" state.  Well, finally, I dished back and helped her to understand that I meant business.

She was asking for something, yet she didn't do what I had asked of her.  I think she wanted food.  I can't remember if it was lunch, but I knew she wasn't starving or malnourished so I played my cards. 

"You want lunch, and I wanted your clothes put away.  I didn't get what I wanted, so you aren't getting what you wanted.  When you give me what I want, I will give you what you want!"

With much aggravation and frustration, she went upstairs and finished what she was asked and then came for lunch.

I have told her on many occasions, "I'm only required to feed and shelter you......Mattresses are optional but can be earned".  (Thankfully, I have only used that once...but let me tell you how effective it was when she realized all around her that was "extra".)

I'm sure I am scarring my children.  My parents did it to me, and their parents did it to them. It's the joys of parenting.  I always tell my kids, "I know I'm screwing you up and you will let me know how I did it later!"

Some of these moments shape us for the better. Some make us go off the deep end.

But in the end, as far as I'm concerned it comes down to actions and consequences.  Cause and effect.  As long as my kids are responsible for their own actions and actually admit it....I will be happy!

Happy Monday!