6am....girlscout house ..... Newport Beach. I am the only one awake. Bodies surround me and I can hear at least a half dozen breaths around me breathing steadily in and out in rhythmic waves. However, what I would love more than anything is to be one block away, at the beach, listening to the 'actual' waves. It is almost torturous that I have been here for over twelve hours and my feet haven't hit the sand.
But I am not here for me. I am here for my daughter.
This year we made a change. As our old troop disbanded, we are now with a new troop. A really great troop. And today is our first 'jumping over' event.
Though we are friends (and great friends at that) with the new troop; there is still something different about this event for us. We are outsiders coming in.
It's like a neighborhood dog being introduced to a new pack.
This troop that we are joining has history together, that we were not involved in. So, though we are all friends, and very comfortable together, it is a new paradigm to be involved in....and it feels a little awkward. Not bad in any way....more a reminder that we haven't always been here and we are now seeing how things are done here.
As a person I am one way, but as a photographer, I am someone else. My job is defined, I snap to task, I am focused and stern because I am there for a purpose and I must achieve my task.
This is kind of like that.
We are having a great time. Within minutes of being here, I have melded onto the couch with one ofthe leaders and we are talking like schoolgirl friends. Aspen abandoned me as we hit the door. This will be an easy switch.
We had dinner and then the girls did a couple of skits for us. Then we all hunkered down for a movie. It was great. The projector would start freezing up and it would take a minute to reboot. So we took advantage of that time asking the girls questions and chatting in between.
It took about 3 hours to get through one movie. It was actually quite funny.
As we set up for bed, Aspen asked if she could sleep next to me. I am not sure if she was feeling unsure of herself, or didn't want me to be alone...but I gladly accepted her request.
I was offered earplugs to sleep from one of the leaders..... I am sleeping in one big echo-y room with a bunch of girls and I don't sleep well. I'm not stupid...I took 'em.
They sure helped me sleep, but not til 8 like I was hoping. I am sitting in the hall all by myself, on the floor to write this, using my phone. I am feeling a bit like an anomaly.
Today we are heading over to the beach. From where I sit, I see it is an overcast morning. I am sure the cloud cover will burn away... But until then, I will hunker back into my cot, next to my daughter, and wait for the rest of the bodies to wake.
Happy Wednesday!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Roadmap, anyone?
Sometimes I wish I had a clear road map that would show me which direction will end me up 'here'.
Sometimes I worry that the wrong decision will mess everything up, and then I am left with a feeling of dread that I can't shake. Which is why I was up at 3am again.
We have made some decisions in the last few years that have changed the direction of our lives. Not that they were bad decisions. Just decisions that, ya know....changed everything.
And now I am seeing, I ended up 'here'.
But, what if we chose differently? And is where we are any better or worse than if we went in that other direction?
Sometimes I feel that I base my choices on "it's now or never", and I pull the trigger. And I think I am doing it for the right reasons. Making the best possible choices for the kids that we can make. But more often than not, I find myself looking back and saying, "why were you so stressed about it?" or "Why did you feel that decision was so important right then. It could have waited."
My hope is that the 'right' decisions will benefit my kids and family. And as yet....the jury is out. I am seeing some fallout and it makes me uncomfortable with my decisions. But there is no turning back now.
The other day, I went for my massage with the lady who told me to write. I felt like Julia Roberts going back to Katut in India. She didn't remember our previous conversation (what - it was only 2 years ago!) but she was really happy for me. She is a lovely lady.
But we got to talking and I brought up some issues I am concerned about, and she redirected my energy. She said, "Instead of worrying about what might happen, focus on what you want to see. BRILLIANT. I will try it.
I left feeling very hopeful. It made sense. I was so stuck in what 'could' be, that I forgot to look at the possibilities of the good.
I cannot control everything, and I cannot go back and undo my choices. I can, however, redirect my energy toward the positive. I need to 'own' my choices. I made them, I need to live with them. Even if they wake me up at 3am.
I also need to give less weight to the consequences. Yes, there were consequences....and they feel like a 10. But in the scheme of things; they are more like a 5. If I bring it down a notch, it might not hurt as much. (but it still wakes me up at 3am and I am NOT GOOD with disrupted sleep!) But, whatever!
My energy will be positive going forward, and I will 'act as if' until I feel it.
Nobody died. I'm going with that today. I can't change the fact that I will make not so perfect choices....but until that road map shows up in my life....I will do the best I can.
Happy Tuesday
Sometimes I worry that the wrong decision will mess everything up, and then I am left with a feeling of dread that I can't shake. Which is why I was up at 3am again.
We have made some decisions in the last few years that have changed the direction of our lives. Not that they were bad decisions. Just decisions that, ya know....changed everything.
And now I am seeing, I ended up 'here'.
But, what if we chose differently? And is where we are any better or worse than if we went in that other direction?
Sometimes I feel that I base my choices on "it's now or never", and I pull the trigger. And I think I am doing it for the right reasons. Making the best possible choices for the kids that we can make. But more often than not, I find myself looking back and saying, "why were you so stressed about it?" or "Why did you feel that decision was so important right then. It could have waited."
My hope is that the 'right' decisions will benefit my kids and family. And as yet....the jury is out. I am seeing some fallout and it makes me uncomfortable with my decisions. But there is no turning back now.
The other day, I went for my massage with the lady who told me to write. I felt like Julia Roberts going back to Katut in India. She didn't remember our previous conversation (what - it was only 2 years ago!) but she was really happy for me. She is a lovely lady.
But we got to talking and I brought up some issues I am concerned about, and she redirected my energy. She said, "Instead of worrying about what might happen, focus on what you want to see. BRILLIANT. I will try it.
I left feeling very hopeful. It made sense. I was so stuck in what 'could' be, that I forgot to look at the possibilities of the good.
I cannot control everything, and I cannot go back and undo my choices. I can, however, redirect my energy toward the positive. I need to 'own' my choices. I made them, I need to live with them. Even if they wake me up at 3am.
I also need to give less weight to the consequences. Yes, there were consequences....and they feel like a 10. But in the scheme of things; they are more like a 5. If I bring it down a notch, it might not hurt as much. (but it still wakes me up at 3am and I am NOT GOOD with disrupted sleep!) But, whatever!
My energy will be positive going forward, and I will 'act as if' until I feel it.
Nobody died. I'm going with that today. I can't change the fact that I will make not so perfect choices....but until that road map shows up in my life....I will do the best I can.
Happy Tuesday
Monday, August 29, 2011
Heart troubles
My heart gets stuck sometimes.
I can't make sense of something, and I can't move past it.
Life can build you up and it can break you down. And its ability to break you down comes down to how how strong you are mentally, and if you can weather the storm.
I'm sure most of us don't have a dream for ourselves that states: I want to grow up, have a job that pays half of what I need to get by, with a couple of kids and a marginal marriage!
Ever heard a kid say that?
Not that it is a bad dream, because it could be great for someone who has no job, kids on drugs and an abusive marriage. Someone always has it worse than someone else.
However, if you think of your aspirations from childhood to now; what changed?
I know someone who was at the top of their game as a teenager. Majorly in demand by the opposite sex, cocky, brilliant and tons of potential and a chip on the shoulder.
Somehow, over time that chip grew. Something fed into it. And the potential diminished.
As time grew, life changed. And now they are a former shell of who they were.
I hate the word potential, because to me it is a carrot that one can never grab! I have heard it all my life and it's actually a bad word in my vocabulary.
So what if someone else sees your "possible capability". It merely means you are not "it" today!
Ouch!
But sometimes.....I can see where that word fits. And in this case, I use it in hindsight.
How do we live up to our potential and how do we know when we are there?
Honestly, I believe most of us live beneath it because life pushes us down so hard, we can't raise above the cloud cover hovering over us.
Do you have a mission statement for your life? Does it sound silly to even hear that?
Why shouldn't we? We'd do it if we had a business. The business would HAVE to have one in order to exist. Why don't we put ourselves to the same standards?
As I send my child off to middle school next week, I am sending her off to her own devices. I got a piece of advice that I just LOVED from a friend (and mother of 3). She said, "Your daughter needs to know who she is. And when she goes off to school each day you remind her by saying, 'you know who you are!'"
And though I am sure that my 11 year old still has her doubts about who she is, she knows who her family is and what our values are. That is good enough as a road map for making good choices.
To stay on that path for the rest of your life.....is it possible?
I always remind my members; if you are waiting for things to be easy so you can achieve your goals, good luck with that! You need to duck and weave in the face of it to get past it and go forward! If losing weight were easy, we'd all be at the beach in our size 0 bikinis! (well, the girls, anyways!)
It's hard to be a part of someones life who has "potential" because they have shown it in the past - yet they live so far beneath it - and accept it. :( It breaks my heart!
Yet there are so many.
Life isn't easy, and getting old isn't for sissies!
When we affect ourselves, that is one thing. But when we affect our families....little minds that look up to us....we have a problem! And my heart gets stuck.
I don't want to judge others, but when I can't get my mind past it, how do you let it go - respectfully?
Sometimes it is just too hard. I don't want to be judged, therefore it is easier to just walk away. Even though it literally hurts.
Ever say something to someone and they couldn't "hear" you?
Welcome to my world.
Happy Monday!
I can't make sense of something, and I can't move past it.
Life can build you up and it can break you down. And its ability to break you down comes down to how how strong you are mentally, and if you can weather the storm.
I'm sure most of us don't have a dream for ourselves that states: I want to grow up, have a job that pays half of what I need to get by, with a couple of kids and a marginal marriage!
Ever heard a kid say that?
Not that it is a bad dream, because it could be great for someone who has no job, kids on drugs and an abusive marriage. Someone always has it worse than someone else.
However, if you think of your aspirations from childhood to now; what changed?
I know someone who was at the top of their game as a teenager. Majorly in demand by the opposite sex, cocky, brilliant and tons of potential and a chip on the shoulder.
Somehow, over time that chip grew. Something fed into it. And the potential diminished.
As time grew, life changed. And now they are a former shell of who they were.
I hate the word potential, because to me it is a carrot that one can never grab! I have heard it all my life and it's actually a bad word in my vocabulary.
So what if someone else sees your "possible capability". It merely means you are not "it" today!
Ouch!
But sometimes.....I can see where that word fits. And in this case, I use it in hindsight.
How do we live up to our potential and how do we know when we are there?
Honestly, I believe most of us live beneath it because life pushes us down so hard, we can't raise above the cloud cover hovering over us.
Do you have a mission statement for your life? Does it sound silly to even hear that?
Why shouldn't we? We'd do it if we had a business. The business would HAVE to have one in order to exist. Why don't we put ourselves to the same standards?
As I send my child off to middle school next week, I am sending her off to her own devices. I got a piece of advice that I just LOVED from a friend (and mother of 3). She said, "Your daughter needs to know who she is. And when she goes off to school each day you remind her by saying, 'you know who you are!'"
And though I am sure that my 11 year old still has her doubts about who she is, she knows who her family is and what our values are. That is good enough as a road map for making good choices.
To stay on that path for the rest of your life.....is it possible?
I always remind my members; if you are waiting for things to be easy so you can achieve your goals, good luck with that! You need to duck and weave in the face of it to get past it and go forward! If losing weight were easy, we'd all be at the beach in our size 0 bikinis! (well, the girls, anyways!)
It's hard to be a part of someones life who has "potential" because they have shown it in the past - yet they live so far beneath it - and accept it. :( It breaks my heart!
Yet there are so many.
Life isn't easy, and getting old isn't for sissies!
When we affect ourselves, that is one thing. But when we affect our families....little minds that look up to us....we have a problem! And my heart gets stuck.
I don't want to judge others, but when I can't get my mind past it, how do you let it go - respectfully?
Sometimes it is just too hard. I don't want to be judged, therefore it is easier to just walk away. Even though it literally hurts.
Ever say something to someone and they couldn't "hear" you?
Welcome to my world.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
True to you
How true are you to yourself?
Thinking about the movie, "The Help", it brings to question the "airs" we put on in front of others.
We all do it at one time or another. I have a friend who is invited over whenever she wants. But her husband has to make an appointment. If he had any idea what our house usually looks like, we might not be friends.
I always appreciate people who take me at face value. However, I really don't know any other way to be.
Have you ever lied to someone and spent so much time and effort covering up that lie that you didn't know where the truth ended and the lie began? Did you ever forget which lie you told to whom?
I know we all do it at some point in our lives. But the question is why? Insecurity? Fear?
Probably.
But, why?
It would take a really important person to stir my wad enough to make me want to lie or be someone else.
I know growing up, I always wanted to be the twiggy girl....but there was no way to lie out of that one. I was who I was. But I always looked at the twiggies of the world and envied them a bit. In my mind, they had it all! I used to fool myself with "If I lose weight ALL my problems will be gone!"...........REALLY????
But then I started watching....and listening....and realizing that not only were 'twiggies' lives not perfect....but the scramble to keep up appearances was exhausting! And nothing I was willing to take on! Oy Vey!!!
Friday was my dad's birthday. He would have been 75 years old. My dad was nothing, if not genuine! He was kind, compassionate, caring, loud, angry, happy, disgusted, frustrated, brilliant......and honest all the way through! Good or bad, he was who he was! And he was loved for just that!
It is because of him that I am who I am! No holds barred, what ya see is what ya get! Totally not perfect, very present in the moment of my feelings, but no bullshit.
Life is too short for drama and lies.
I feel bad for people who feel they have to "act like" to be accepted. We are all the same. If you sit back and watch, you will realize we all do the same stupid stuff. We are just trying to get by.
But when you lie to someone else about who you are, the message to yourself is; "I'm not good enough". or "I'm not acceptable". That is your message to your SELF!
So I ask; what are you trying to live up to - and why? What are the consequences for being you? And who ARE you???
A couple of years ago I was getting a massage from a lady who told me I need to do what I love. I immediately assumed she meant photography, because that is what I do on the side. But then she said words to me that nearly made me fall off the table......"you need to write!"
I didn't know this woman; had never met her before - and certainly never disclosed how much I love writing. I had never even said anything to my husband! No one knew, because I buried it long ago.
I remember sitting at the computer in our office as a kid, and I started writing a 'book'. But because of doubt, I abandoned it. However....the desire has always been there.
I went home and started writing my own private blurbs. And now, I'm here.
I'm going to get a massage from that same lady today, and I'm going to show her the book I had published of some of my writings (single issue, self published NBD).
I finally let "me" come forward. And I like it.
Happy Sunday
Thinking about the movie, "The Help", it brings to question the "airs" we put on in front of others.
We all do it at one time or another. I have a friend who is invited over whenever she wants. But her husband has to make an appointment. If he had any idea what our house usually looks like, we might not be friends.
I always appreciate people who take me at face value. However, I really don't know any other way to be.
Have you ever lied to someone and spent so much time and effort covering up that lie that you didn't know where the truth ended and the lie began? Did you ever forget which lie you told to whom?
I know we all do it at some point in our lives. But the question is why? Insecurity? Fear?
Probably.
But, why?
It would take a really important person to stir my wad enough to make me want to lie or be someone else.
I know growing up, I always wanted to be the twiggy girl....but there was no way to lie out of that one. I was who I was. But I always looked at the twiggies of the world and envied them a bit. In my mind, they had it all! I used to fool myself with "If I lose weight ALL my problems will be gone!"...........REALLY????
But then I started watching....and listening....and realizing that not only were 'twiggies' lives not perfect....but the scramble to keep up appearances was exhausting! And nothing I was willing to take on! Oy Vey!!!
Friday was my dad's birthday. He would have been 75 years old. My dad was nothing, if not genuine! He was kind, compassionate, caring, loud, angry, happy, disgusted, frustrated, brilliant......and honest all the way through! Good or bad, he was who he was! And he was loved for just that!
It is because of him that I am who I am! No holds barred, what ya see is what ya get! Totally not perfect, very present in the moment of my feelings, but no bullshit.
Life is too short for drama and lies.
I feel bad for people who feel they have to "act like" to be accepted. We are all the same. If you sit back and watch, you will realize we all do the same stupid stuff. We are just trying to get by.
But when you lie to someone else about who you are, the message to yourself is; "I'm not good enough". or "I'm not acceptable". That is your message to your SELF!
So I ask; what are you trying to live up to - and why? What are the consequences for being you? And who ARE you???
A couple of years ago I was getting a massage from a lady who told me I need to do what I love. I immediately assumed she meant photography, because that is what I do on the side. But then she said words to me that nearly made me fall off the table......"you need to write!"
I didn't know this woman; had never met her before - and certainly never disclosed how much I love writing. I had never even said anything to my husband! No one knew, because I buried it long ago.
I remember sitting at the computer in our office as a kid, and I started writing a 'book'. But because of doubt, I abandoned it. However....the desire has always been there.
I went home and started writing my own private blurbs. And now, I'm here.
I'm going to get a massage from that same lady today, and I'm going to show her the book I had published of some of my writings (single issue, self published NBD).
I finally let "me" come forward. And I like it.
Happy Sunday
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Help (no, I don't give away details)
Yesterday I was at the dance studio, picking up the girls. One of their friends asked what we were going to do. I told her we were going to see the movie, "The Help" with my mom and our friend. She said, "Oh ya....seeing it as a mother daughter movie is the way is should be seen.". I said, "Oh - you've seen it?". She said , "No - that's just what my friend told me."
I laughed, because this girl is nine. I thought she had a moment of wisdom, but she was just quoting someone else. How cute.
Truth was, I was excited to see this with my mom. First of all, I know she read the book (or rather, the book read to her on my iPod). Second, I knew she was excited to see it so she would probably stay awake through it (don't make me recount Erin Brokovich). And third, this took place in an era my mom lived through. The movie takes place in the 60s.
I had heard about the book from many people. Unfortunately, I read in spurts, so magazine articles are more my speed. As much as I wanted to read the words, I didn't see it happening so I downloaded the book to my iPod to listen to. But my ADD didn't help me to absorb everything that was going on with all the characters. My mom did the best recount. This story was right up her alley. Lots of people, a few secrets, gossip, politics, you name it. No wonder she didn't talk to us for six hours on our trip to Bass Lake. She was so wound up in Miss Hilly's business, she couldn't be bothered with our mundane conversation.
As we went to see the movie, I was a little concerned about the girls. Some of these movies, that have to do with trouble ties can be graphic and scary. As I knew we were talking about servants in the south, I was aware that respect wasn't a priority for some folks. But I took the girls anyway, because we can't change the past, so if nothing else, this could be a history lesson.
First thing they noticed was that sixties hair. Big and stiff! I had to explain what would happen to hairspray if it got too close to a cigarette, but beyond that, we were fine.
The movie was laid out so well. The characters were rich and real. I could connect with, or truly hate every one of them. It was emotional, heartwarming, heart wrenching, and finger biting. I was transported back, and I was with Abilene.
It was such a tumultuous time. Not long ago, yet worlds away from where we are today. It takes courage to move forward sometimes. But this isn't about one person...it is about a race of people who were thought to be inferior, and were treated as such. Those who moved forward with their courage were shot....or even worse. Ignorance is a terrible thing.
I left the movie with emotions stirred up in my soul. Feel blessed....and a little disgusted...but touched.
There was a lot of courage in this movie. And soooo many lessons.
I know my kids didn't totally get it. But I can certainly reflect on the many characters with them and the choices they made.
They got a glimpse of history. At one scene in particular, I held my breath, and started crying. My kids totally didn't get it. I explained the best I could, but I can only do so much when getting absorbed in a movie. But at the same time, I wanted this to be informative for them, because I knew much of it was over their heads.
I definitely want to see it again. Alone. But it was really great asking mom what she thought. she loved it. It was like her gossip columns in 3D.
I asked her if she remembered those times, and she said she did. But as she came from Pennsylvania, it was not the same there. In Pennsylvania, the Irish (my Grandparents, straight off the old sod) were having their own issues getting work. Apparently America was a very unaccepting and unwelcoming place! The funny thing is....we all came from somewhere, right? Crazy people!!!
Today, I am still feeling a little stirred. I love when a movie is thought provoking. I am taken out of my own little bubble and transported to another time, feeling someone else's pain.....and joy.
Would I recommend it? Absolutely!
Bring your mother!
Happy Saturday
I laughed, because this girl is nine. I thought she had a moment of wisdom, but she was just quoting someone else. How cute.
Truth was, I was excited to see this with my mom. First of all, I know she read the book (or rather, the book read to her on my iPod). Second, I knew she was excited to see it so she would probably stay awake through it (don't make me recount Erin Brokovich). And third, this took place in an era my mom lived through. The movie takes place in the 60s.
I had heard about the book from many people. Unfortunately, I read in spurts, so magazine articles are more my speed. As much as I wanted to read the words, I didn't see it happening so I downloaded the book to my iPod to listen to. But my ADD didn't help me to absorb everything that was going on with all the characters. My mom did the best recount. This story was right up her alley. Lots of people, a few secrets, gossip, politics, you name it. No wonder she didn't talk to us for six hours on our trip to Bass Lake. She was so wound up in Miss Hilly's business, she couldn't be bothered with our mundane conversation.
As we went to see the movie, I was a little concerned about the girls. Some of these movies, that have to do with trouble ties can be graphic and scary. As I knew we were talking about servants in the south, I was aware that respect wasn't a priority for some folks. But I took the girls anyway, because we can't change the past, so if nothing else, this could be a history lesson.
First thing they noticed was that sixties hair. Big and stiff! I had to explain what would happen to hairspray if it got too close to a cigarette, but beyond that, we were fine.
The movie was laid out so well. The characters were rich and real. I could connect with, or truly hate every one of them. It was emotional, heartwarming, heart wrenching, and finger biting. I was transported back, and I was with Abilene.
It was such a tumultuous time. Not long ago, yet worlds away from where we are today. It takes courage to move forward sometimes. But this isn't about one person...it is about a race of people who were thought to be inferior, and were treated as such. Those who moved forward with their courage were shot....or even worse. Ignorance is a terrible thing.
I left the movie with emotions stirred up in my soul. Feel blessed....and a little disgusted...but touched.
There was a lot of courage in this movie. And soooo many lessons.
I know my kids didn't totally get it. But I can certainly reflect on the many characters with them and the choices they made.
They got a glimpse of history. At one scene in particular, I held my breath, and started crying. My kids totally didn't get it. I explained the best I could, but I can only do so much when getting absorbed in a movie. But at the same time, I wanted this to be informative for them, because I knew much of it was over their heads.
I definitely want to see it again. Alone. But it was really great asking mom what she thought. she loved it. It was like her gossip columns in 3D.
I asked her if she remembered those times, and she said she did. But as she came from Pennsylvania, it was not the same there. In Pennsylvania, the Irish (my Grandparents, straight off the old sod) were having their own issues getting work. Apparently America was a very unaccepting and unwelcoming place! The funny thing is....we all came from somewhere, right? Crazy people!!!
Today, I am still feeling a little stirred. I love when a movie is thought provoking. I am taken out of my own little bubble and transported to another time, feeling someone else's pain.....and joy.
Would I recommend it? Absolutely!
Bring your mother!
Happy Saturday
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Kids Rule the World
Yesterday I got a last minute request for my girls to watch one of the little ones at the dance studio. Circumstances changed at the last minute, and as luck would have it, I could make the girls available.
I had to call my mom to drop the girls at the dance studio. Without hesitation, she dropped them off for me. I didn't have time, because I had to be at work. I swear, it takes a village......!
The girls were thrilled to get the offer, and I was glad to be asked. This means that my girls are trustworthy in the eyes of another to care for a child. My heart is happy!
I was reading a few posts about different kid situations. In one instance, a child was making cut throat signs to a teacher. While in another post, I read about a child asking why adults don't laugh like kids do.
We all have a story. And every story will be different.
I find it interesting that the posts that struck me all had to do with varying degrees of childhood.
Innocence....naiveté.... hope.....wonder.... It's all there in the face of a child.
We have the ability to form the brains of these little children with the choices we make. But they are all watching, no matter what we try to teach.
Children learn by example. Good or bad. They learn by what they see.
I heard a saying once that resonated with me then as it resonates now; "Your actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying!"
My parents counseled me many a time while growing up. But when they lived in the opposite of what they were trying to teach me, my brain screamed 'HYPOCRITE' and went into defiance mode.
"Do as I say....NOT as I DO!"
It doesn't compute. Don't even bother!
You must serve as an example to that which you wish to teach. At least to a child!
Adults can be B.S.'d a bit. But kids know better! And they speak the truth. And....we should listen.
I remember many moments with my parents, when they tried to counsel me their 'desired' truth. Their hope for me. Their fear for me.
But it didn't work.
As one child sends his cut throat signals to his teacher....he has learned it somewhere. That it would evoke a fear, a response. It was made with absolute intention.
From the child who asked, "Why don't adults laugh?".....he has observed the truth in how adults react to many situations. He is concerned. Curious.
And for the baby who is babysat by two young girls.....the world is his oyster. It all still revolves around him. So, he is happy.....carefree.
But all live in their honest truth. The only truth they know. Totally different from one another....yet the same in its purity.
There is a lesson with each child. First; to be aware of the environment, second is to be aware of yourself, the other, is to let go.....
Do we teach them? Or do the teach us????
Kids could rule the world......if we could get enough people to listen!
Happy Friday!
I had to call my mom to drop the girls at the dance studio. Without hesitation, she dropped them off for me. I didn't have time, because I had to be at work. I swear, it takes a village......!
The girls were thrilled to get the offer, and I was glad to be asked. This means that my girls are trustworthy in the eyes of another to care for a child. My heart is happy!
I was reading a few posts about different kid situations. In one instance, a child was making cut throat signs to a teacher. While in another post, I read about a child asking why adults don't laugh like kids do.
We all have a story. And every story will be different.
I find it interesting that the posts that struck me all had to do with varying degrees of childhood.
Innocence....naiveté.... hope.....wonder.... It's all there in the face of a child.
We have the ability to form the brains of these little children with the choices we make. But they are all watching, no matter what we try to teach.
Children learn by example. Good or bad. They learn by what they see.
I heard a saying once that resonated with me then as it resonates now; "Your actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying!"
My parents counseled me many a time while growing up. But when they lived in the opposite of what they were trying to teach me, my brain screamed 'HYPOCRITE' and went into defiance mode.
"Do as I say....NOT as I DO!"
It doesn't compute. Don't even bother!
You must serve as an example to that which you wish to teach. At least to a child!
Adults can be B.S.'d a bit. But kids know better! And they speak the truth. And....we should listen.
I remember many moments with my parents, when they tried to counsel me their 'desired' truth. Their hope for me. Their fear for me.
But it didn't work.
As one child sends his cut throat signals to his teacher....he has learned it somewhere. That it would evoke a fear, a response. It was made with absolute intention.
From the child who asked, "Why don't adults laugh?".....he has observed the truth in how adults react to many situations. He is concerned. Curious.
And for the baby who is babysat by two young girls.....the world is his oyster. It all still revolves around him. So, he is happy.....carefree.
But all live in their honest truth. The only truth they know. Totally different from one another....yet the same in its purity.
There is a lesson with each child. First; to be aware of the environment, second is to be aware of yourself, the other, is to let go.....
Do we teach them? Or do the teach us????
Kids could rule the world......if we could get enough people to listen!
Happy Friday!
Let it begin.
Yesterday was the day I took Aspen to Middle School to get her signed up.
The day started with what to wear. As she was getting her picture taken, I wanted to make sure that she was dressed in something she wouldn't regret at the end of the year. We went over a few choices, and finally decided on the first thing she chose.
I don't think SHE is nervous....I think I am projecting my nerves on her. And I need to stop.
If I am not projecting on her, then I am telling her what I anticipate, and then she's freaked out. And that is not fair to her.
I was watching Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) yesterday on tv. He helps 'fix' dogs, or rather, train their adults. And his direction to them is always the same, "Be calm and assertive, because the dog will respond to your energy."
No, Aspen is not a dog, but energy is universal. And right now, mine is bad!
My own personal anxiety issues are bleeding onto my otherwise calm child. I get mad at Chris ALL THE TIME, for anticipating things. It drives me crazy. And here I am doing the same darn think to my kid.
My own personal experience of middle school was pretty horrible. What a terrible time to transition your child into all new surroundings. RIGHT when all their hormones are starting to kick in. Who was the genius who decided that? And lets throw in a bunch of people you don't know, and who don't know you, so we can take your new hormones and mix them with a vat of insecurity. Have fun kids!!!! Hope you can build your self confidence with that!
Here is what I remember about that time in my life; I had no one to talk to, I was an emotional mess. I felt completely alone, like I was the only one going through my misery. There was literally no one else in the world ANYWHERE, who felt like I did, so I was certain no one would understand. Everyone around me had a perfect life and they had no issues. Their lives were perfect. My body was changing and I was totally insecure. For the first time in my life, I looked around and realized we are all so different. Or rather, I was different from everyone else.
Ever look around and feel that way?
The bottom line is, no matter how much I worry, I cannot change the fact that my child is going into middle school, and freaking her out about it is not doing anyone any good.
And the bottom line is, though it is a little about her going to middle school...it is more that she is growing older and will be growing away from me and into her own world. She will start spreading her wings and her independence will grow.
This is a good thing. This is where we realize how strong she is based on the choices she will make. And I know she will make good choices. She will make bad ones too. We all do. But we will be there for her to pick her up and dust her off. And send her right back out.
Yesterday was just a glimpse for her. She saw friends and gave hugs and got her new schedule. She was with two of her friends. We all walked around the school and got acquainted. And then we got her books. Wow....they were huge. Or they just looked that way because she is so small. 3 of us took a few books for her. Not sure she could actually carry them all. Thank God for lockers.
They decided where they would meet at lunch, and where they would meet after school so they could all walk together. The mysterious veil is slowly being lifted. This was good.
I will work to stop projecting MY fears onto her and let her live her OWN experience. She is not me. She is so very different. Her level of confidence surpasses my own. She has a lot more accomplishments under her belt than I did at that age.
Somehow I think on her first day of school, she will be comforting ME!
But, I am okay with that. I'll take it!
Happy Thursday
Yesterday was the day I took Aspen to Middle School to get her signed up.
The day started with what to wear. As she was getting her picture taken, I wanted to make sure that she was dressed in something she wouldn't regret at the end of the year. We went over a few choices, and finally decided on the first thing she chose.
I don't think SHE is nervous....I think I am projecting my nerves on her. And I need to stop.
If I am not projecting on her, then I am telling her what I anticipate, and then she's freaked out. And that is not fair to her.
I was watching Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) yesterday on tv. He helps 'fix' dogs, or rather, train their adults. And his direction to them is always the same, "Be calm and assertive, because the dog will respond to your energy."
No, Aspen is not a dog, but energy is universal. And right now, mine is bad!
My own personal anxiety issues are bleeding onto my otherwise calm child. I get mad at Chris ALL THE TIME, for anticipating things. It drives me crazy. And here I am doing the same darn think to my kid.
My own personal experience of middle school was pretty horrible. What a terrible time to transition your child into all new surroundings. RIGHT when all their hormones are starting to kick in. Who was the genius who decided that? And lets throw in a bunch of people you don't know, and who don't know you, so we can take your new hormones and mix them with a vat of insecurity. Have fun kids!!!! Hope you can build your self confidence with that!
Here is what I remember about that time in my life; I had no one to talk to, I was an emotional mess. I felt completely alone, like I was the only one going through my misery. There was literally no one else in the world ANYWHERE, who felt like I did, so I was certain no one would understand. Everyone around me had a perfect life and they had no issues. Their lives were perfect. My body was changing and I was totally insecure. For the first time in my life, I looked around and realized we are all so different. Or rather, I was different from everyone else.
Ever look around and feel that way?
The bottom line is, no matter how much I worry, I cannot change the fact that my child is going into middle school, and freaking her out about it is not doing anyone any good.
And the bottom line is, though it is a little about her going to middle school...it is more that she is growing older and will be growing away from me and into her own world. She will start spreading her wings and her independence will grow.
This is a good thing. This is where we realize how strong she is based on the choices she will make. And I know she will make good choices. She will make bad ones too. We all do. But we will be there for her to pick her up and dust her off. And send her right back out.
Yesterday was just a glimpse for her. She saw friends and gave hugs and got her new schedule. She was with two of her friends. We all walked around the school and got acquainted. And then we got her books. Wow....they were huge. Or they just looked that way because she is so small. 3 of us took a few books for her. Not sure she could actually carry them all. Thank God for lockers.
They decided where they would meet at lunch, and where they would meet after school so they could all walk together. The mysterious veil is slowly being lifted. This was good.
I will work to stop projecting MY fears onto her and let her live her OWN experience. She is not me. She is so very different. Her level of confidence surpasses my own. She has a lot more accomplishments under her belt than I did at that age.
Somehow I think on her first day of school, she will be comforting ME!
But, I am okay with that. I'll take it!
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The art of communication
I was talking to a friend about writing. For the first time, I felt like I was with someone who got it.
My oral processing skills are not at their peak. So, I hesitate to respond in an argument. i explained to her that after an argument with my husband, I am much better to articulate by writing than I am talking! She totally knew what I meant! I felt validated!
For YEARS, I would argue or discuss things with my husband, and he would get so frustrated, because I could not put into words what i felt. My processors are much slower than his. I investigate every angle, while his method is much quicker (as is his brain) and he can "shoot first - ask questions later). So NOT FAIR!!!!!
For years, I thought something was wrong with me.
And then, I realized that we ALL process informatiion differently. WHY? Because we are ALL different and unique!!!!
When I spoke to my friend about writing, she spoke my language. It was so great to know someone like myself, who is a writer.
My words come so easily in front of a keyboard. But in front of a person, I am faced with a totally different dynamic. Now, I have to consider negotiations, and debates and different points of view........ where when I am writing, I only have to compete with my own brain. Which easily secedes in the presence of the keyboard.
I did an exercise once. (Well... more than once). I sat with paper, and I wrote. And I wrote. AND I WROTE!!!! I didn't stop myself. I didn't filer myself. I just WROTE!!!! And the things that came out of me were shocking and emotional and DEEP!!!! And, I continued to write.
It was cathartic!
When we filter, we hold ourselves back. We don't let ourselves feel! (and I mean FEEL!)
What are we hiding from?
If it is just you.....what do you have to hide from yourself?
I dare you to try.
20 minutes straight. No stopping. Write what comes to mind and DO NOT STOP!!!! Write with reckless abandon. Let your feelings, emotions, fears, joys come to the surface. Don't hold back ANYTHING!!! Burn if afterwards if you have to. But don't stop for 20 minutes.
It will be hard at first. Make sure you have NO distractions.
Let me know what you come up with!
Send me an email. photobycat@gmail.com
Happy Wednesday
My oral processing skills are not at their peak. So, I hesitate to respond in an argument. i explained to her that after an argument with my husband, I am much better to articulate by writing than I am talking! She totally knew what I meant! I felt validated!
For YEARS, I would argue or discuss things with my husband, and he would get so frustrated, because I could not put into words what i felt. My processors are much slower than his. I investigate every angle, while his method is much quicker (as is his brain) and he can "shoot first - ask questions later). So NOT FAIR!!!!!
For years, I thought something was wrong with me.
And then, I realized that we ALL process informatiion differently. WHY? Because we are ALL different and unique!!!!
When I spoke to my friend about writing, she spoke my language. It was so great to know someone like myself, who is a writer.
My words come so easily in front of a keyboard. But in front of a person, I am faced with a totally different dynamic. Now, I have to consider negotiations, and debates and different points of view........ where when I am writing, I only have to compete with my own brain. Which easily secedes in the presence of the keyboard.
I did an exercise once. (Well... more than once). I sat with paper, and I wrote. And I wrote. AND I WROTE!!!! I didn't stop myself. I didn't filer myself. I just WROTE!!!! And the things that came out of me were shocking and emotional and DEEP!!!! And, I continued to write.
It was cathartic!
When we filter, we hold ourselves back. We don't let ourselves feel! (and I mean FEEL!)
What are we hiding from?
If it is just you.....what do you have to hide from yourself?
I dare you to try.
20 minutes straight. No stopping. Write what comes to mind and DO NOT STOP!!!! Write with reckless abandon. Let your feelings, emotions, fears, joys come to the surface. Don't hold back ANYTHING!!! Burn if afterwards if you have to. But don't stop for 20 minutes.
It will be hard at first. Make sure you have NO distractions.
Let me know what you come up with!
Send me an email. photobycat@gmail.com
Happy Wednesday
Monday, August 22, 2011
Putting yourself out there
The problem with telling people your business is.....they know your business. Sometimes I am honest to a fault. I wish I could change it, but I don't want to. I am not false.
Not that I don't have false, or protected moments. But I find no gratification in lying.
Unfortunately, that means my filter is set on a very low level.
Filters are meant to protect you. Or give you "social graces" as it were. They are meant to keep you from blurting out your innermost thoughts and hurting people OR putting yourself "at risk" for judgement.
Again, my filters are too low.
I trust.
It is a strength and a weakness. But, I trust. I trust that people are good. And that they don't want to use my information against me.
But they do.
When this happens, my filters (or walls) get a little thicker.
Have you ever written a daily blog that puts it ALL out there for the world to see?
My filters are low.
I still want to believe that people will not use my "stuff" against me. But I know they do, and they will.
When someone says they read my blog; I feel naked for a moment. Exposed. Totally vulnerable. Wondering what they think.
They let on like it is great. But behind their eyes, I believe there is an ounce of fear and judgement. Because for some, it is SO "out there" that they don't understand. And that leaves me open for judgement and criticism.
But that's okay.
I am who I am. And I cannot change that. I love writing, and I love sharing. Because in the end, we are all the same. We are 'not sure'. And I truly believe that the more we all know that, then we can look at each other and all be 'okay'.
And 'okay' works for me. I think if we all felt 'okay', then we would judge less and love more.
So, my filters are low.
I'm 'okay' with that. You should be too!
Happy Tuesday!
Not that I don't have false, or protected moments. But I find no gratification in lying.
Unfortunately, that means my filter is set on a very low level.
Filters are meant to protect you. Or give you "social graces" as it were. They are meant to keep you from blurting out your innermost thoughts and hurting people OR putting yourself "at risk" for judgement.
Again, my filters are too low.
I trust.
It is a strength and a weakness. But, I trust. I trust that people are good. And that they don't want to use my information against me.
But they do.
When this happens, my filters (or walls) get a little thicker.
Have you ever written a daily blog that puts it ALL out there for the world to see?
My filters are low.
I still want to believe that people will not use my "stuff" against me. But I know they do, and they will.
When someone says they read my blog; I feel naked for a moment. Exposed. Totally vulnerable. Wondering what they think.
They let on like it is great. But behind their eyes, I believe there is an ounce of fear and judgement. Because for some, it is SO "out there" that they don't understand. And that leaves me open for judgement and criticism.
But that's okay.
I am who I am. And I cannot change that. I love writing, and I love sharing. Because in the end, we are all the same. We are 'not sure'. And I truly believe that the more we all know that, then we can look at each other and all be 'okay'.
And 'okay' works for me. I think if we all felt 'okay', then we would judge less and love more.
So, my filters are low.
I'm 'okay' with that. You should be too!
Happy Tuesday!
Seal beach
Good morning. I am writing from Seal Beach, while lying on a cot. It is 6:30 and everyone is still asleep. I am using my phone to get the job done. Why, You ask? Because even though I brought my iPad, I am afraid to leave my spot for fear of waking everyone up.
The cot was great in theory, but every time I move it makes so much noise, I fear waking up the house. So I grabbed my closest utensil, and here I am!
It is our end of the year Girlscout party. We have a small troop and we rented out the girlscout house for a night so we could hang at the beach and celebrate.
We got here yesterday afternoon. The girls hadn't seen each other all summer. It has been very busy for all of us. Yet they got together as though it were yesterday.
It was so funny to see how they all changed and grew. All of a sudden, I saw the changes in Aspen as well. They are getting old. Maturing.
We waited for everyone to arrive. The girls instantly started chatting as though the party had begun. It was so nice to see them all together.
Once we were all here, we decided to go to the beach. The girlscout house is all of two blocks from the beach. How they arranged these houses is beyond me, but we are thankful.
The beach was really windy. I couldn't get warm, so I just sat and waited until it was time to leave. All the moms caught up on their summers and what activities we all did. One of the families spent three weeks on their boat in Catalina. Wow. Made my week in bass lake look anemic by comparison.
After a while, I wasn't the only one freezing. We had to rally two of the girls out of the water. One of them was Aspen. She spent her time there in the water the whole time floating like a buoy and getting pounded by the waves. I was really impressed.
After we came back to the house, we relaxed for a bit before heading to Ruby's on the pier. There is something unsettling to me about a building in the water- but whatever. It has been there a while and we haven't had any piers crashing down lately so......
After dinner we walked around the pier and in some of the shops. It was so fun to watch the girls hang together. This is our last hooray as troop 1206. As I write, they are all sleeping on the floor in their room. It is a huge room...and 4 sleeping bags all nestled in the middle. So cute. The house is so quiet. I am the only one up. (what is wrong with me?)
I think I will turn over and give it another go. We went to bed after midnight. I will be happy to squeeze in a few more zzzzzzs.
Happy Monday
The cot was great in theory, but every time I move it makes so much noise, I fear waking up the house. So I grabbed my closest utensil, and here I am!
It is our end of the year Girlscout party. We have a small troop and we rented out the girlscout house for a night so we could hang at the beach and celebrate.
We got here yesterday afternoon. The girls hadn't seen each other all summer. It has been very busy for all of us. Yet they got together as though it were yesterday.
It was so funny to see how they all changed and grew. All of a sudden, I saw the changes in Aspen as well. They are getting old. Maturing.
We waited for everyone to arrive. The girls instantly started chatting as though the party had begun. It was so nice to see them all together.
Once we were all here, we decided to go to the beach. The girlscout house is all of two blocks from the beach. How they arranged these houses is beyond me, but we are thankful.
The beach was really windy. I couldn't get warm, so I just sat and waited until it was time to leave. All the moms caught up on their summers and what activities we all did. One of the families spent three weeks on their boat in Catalina. Wow. Made my week in bass lake look anemic by comparison.
After a while, I wasn't the only one freezing. We had to rally two of the girls out of the water. One of them was Aspen. She spent her time there in the water the whole time floating like a buoy and getting pounded by the waves. I was really impressed.
After we came back to the house, we relaxed for a bit before heading to Ruby's on the pier. There is something unsettling to me about a building in the water- but whatever. It has been there a while and we haven't had any piers crashing down lately so......
After dinner we walked around the pier and in some of the shops. It was so fun to watch the girls hang together. This is our last hooray as troop 1206. As I write, they are all sleeping on the floor in their room. It is a huge room...and 4 sleeping bags all nestled in the middle. So cute. The house is so quiet. I am the only one up. (what is wrong with me?)
I think I will turn over and give it another go. We went to bed after midnight. I will be happy to squeeze in a few more zzzzzzs.
Happy Monday
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Looking back to go forward
It's funny how I keep thinking I will get organized, yet I still make decisions that keep me in a disorganized state. But I'm not giving up.
Today is the LAST girlscout meeting I will attend as a leader! One would think I have lots of things planned and I am ready to offer each girl a special gift.......but I don't. On either account.
These poor girls have had to deal with disorganization and lax leaders for the last two or three years. The reason we signed up was to "save" the troop. Well....at this time I feel like we are cutting the line and letting them fall to their deaths.
I know it is not exactly the case. But when one (in my mind) fails at something they set out to do; it's sad and disheartening to say the least.
However; realizing my own limitations, AND with the purchase of this new car; we are forced to look at things in a new light and accept our fate.
Yesterday we got the assignments for the girls' dance teams. Both were accepted into at least 2 teams. YAY US!!!!! ....... or so we thought.....
Last year was so difficult for me and my husband trying to balance things, that we are really taking a hard look at the decisions we need to make to keep good balance. And it's harder than I thought.
It is one thing "in theory" to make good choices. It's another entirely, to communicate that to your child who has high hopes, high expectations.....and no checkbook.
My husband and I had some serious discussions yesterday about choices we need to make. We knew they would be hard for the kids, because they want it all. But so do we!!!! It seems so easy to just say yes! But the fallout would be what I had to deal with last year, and there inlies the rub!
I'm having to go back, mentally, in my mind and literally access that stress that I felt in my body. And as it is not so far behind me, it still feels very much on the surface!
And with that; we had to communicate our decisions to our kids.
Being a parent is so hard at times. It would be so easy if we had a nanny, taxi driver, extra income (WHAT?), two new cars, and no jobs to get in our way. But unfortunately, we do not.
Like many, we are struggling to get it all done. So, here we are.
Much of the decisions have been made; but the schedules still have to be laid out. That will not be able to happen until this coming week. So, until then, I don't really even want to discuss it with the girls, because it is all moot until we have all the facts.
This year I will plan a lot better and see more of my friends than we did last year. I can only handle so much sacrifice.
And as for our little girlscout troop that we will say goodbye to.....my heart aches for them. However, they are all moving forward. The bottom line is, we did the best WE could with what we had to offer. And though it wasn't much, it was our hopes and efforts that kept it together to the best of our ability. And in that, we gave all we had!
Goodbye troop 1206. We will miss you!
Happy Sunday
Today is the LAST girlscout meeting I will attend as a leader! One would think I have lots of things planned and I am ready to offer each girl a special gift.......but I don't. On either account.
These poor girls have had to deal with disorganization and lax leaders for the last two or three years. The reason we signed up was to "save" the troop. Well....at this time I feel like we are cutting the line and letting them fall to their deaths.
I know it is not exactly the case. But when one (in my mind) fails at something they set out to do; it's sad and disheartening to say the least.
However; realizing my own limitations, AND with the purchase of this new car; we are forced to look at things in a new light and accept our fate.
Yesterday we got the assignments for the girls' dance teams. Both were accepted into at least 2 teams. YAY US!!!!! ....... or so we thought.....
Last year was so difficult for me and my husband trying to balance things, that we are really taking a hard look at the decisions we need to make to keep good balance. And it's harder than I thought.
It is one thing "in theory" to make good choices. It's another entirely, to communicate that to your child who has high hopes, high expectations.....and no checkbook.
My husband and I had some serious discussions yesterday about choices we need to make. We knew they would be hard for the kids, because they want it all. But so do we!!!! It seems so easy to just say yes! But the fallout would be what I had to deal with last year, and there inlies the rub!
I'm having to go back, mentally, in my mind and literally access that stress that I felt in my body. And as it is not so far behind me, it still feels very much on the surface!
And with that; we had to communicate our decisions to our kids.
Being a parent is so hard at times. It would be so easy if we had a nanny, taxi driver, extra income (WHAT?), two new cars, and no jobs to get in our way. But unfortunately, we do not.
Like many, we are struggling to get it all done. So, here we are.
Much of the decisions have been made; but the schedules still have to be laid out. That will not be able to happen until this coming week. So, until then, I don't really even want to discuss it with the girls, because it is all moot until we have all the facts.
This year I will plan a lot better and see more of my friends than we did last year. I can only handle so much sacrifice.
And as for our little girlscout troop that we will say goodbye to.....my heart aches for them. However, they are all moving forward. The bottom line is, we did the best WE could with what we had to offer. And though it wasn't much, it was our hopes and efforts that kept it together to the best of our ability. And in that, we gave all we had!
Goodbye troop 1206. We will miss you!
Happy Sunday
Saturday, August 20, 2011
decisions and consequences
Up at 4 am. So....is THIS what happens when you buy a new car after you haven't had a car payment for 7 years?
I found myself wide awake with total clarity, doing calculations in my mind. Small things here and there, but we can make it work. So why worry?
When you get something new, it feels like a guilty indulgence. And this car is pretty plush (Mazda CX-9), compared to what I am used to driving (2000 ford Windstar). So guilty, is a bit of an understatement. When the guy told me it has Sirius radio, I asked if it had husband ejector seats. I felt really bad for my husband because that is his sort of thing to appreciate. Not that I won't appreciate it for myself, but you are looking at a girl who buys one album and listens to it for weeks and months. Ask my kids.
But, movin on from the radio, I have leather seats, a sun roof, back up camera, keyless entry, bluetooth (actual, honest to God, hands free talking) and mp3 player. Oh...and wheels of course. AND touch rear door opening ( I don't know what it is called, but lets just say I made fun of people who had it and now i am one of them).
Though I am very excited by all this, when you make a big decision that affects your family you can't help but go over it in your head and 'check yourself'.
Something funny happened when i was signing for the car; when I realized I couldn't turn back, something came over me that told me it will all work out. Yes, it is an extra payment, but I have the means to make it happen.
This car is giving me the opportunity to move forward in my life.
In the last two weeks, with my computer and now my car, I have made some serious forward decisions. It is REALLY uncomfortable.
It means letting go of what you knew, and pushing into the unknown. I have been stuck for a lot of years. I am now, however, starting to feel unstuck. What a great feeling.
As we said good bye to my old car, I told the girls some of my favorite stories in our car. The girls were literally raised in that car. I made Aspen sad to walk away from it.
But I told her that as we grow, we have to make hard decisions. And sometimes it will feel really sad. But I explained to her that with each year we drive our van, our safety level goes down a bit. And that with this new car, there are more safety features and as she and Avery are so very important to us, this was an easy decision. She seemed fine with it.
On the way home Aspen said, 'I can,t recline this seat!'......I turned around and looked at her sitting in all her plushness, and burst out laughiing. It's the little things we loved about our old car.
So.....we are all moving forward, and it will be okay!!!
yes...a little uncomfortable for a while. But once Sirius is hooked up...we will get along just fine.
happy saturday
I found myself wide awake with total clarity, doing calculations in my mind. Small things here and there, but we can make it work. So why worry?
When you get something new, it feels like a guilty indulgence. And this car is pretty plush (Mazda CX-9), compared to what I am used to driving (2000 ford Windstar). So guilty, is a bit of an understatement. When the guy told me it has Sirius radio, I asked if it had husband ejector seats. I felt really bad for my husband because that is his sort of thing to appreciate. Not that I won't appreciate it for myself, but you are looking at a girl who buys one album and listens to it for weeks and months. Ask my kids.
But, movin on from the radio, I have leather seats, a sun roof, back up camera, keyless entry, bluetooth (actual, honest to God, hands free talking) and mp3 player. Oh...and wheels of course. AND touch rear door opening ( I don't know what it is called, but lets just say I made fun of people who had it and now i am one of them).
Though I am very excited by all this, when you make a big decision that affects your family you can't help but go over it in your head and 'check yourself'.
Something funny happened when i was signing for the car; when I realized I couldn't turn back, something came over me that told me it will all work out. Yes, it is an extra payment, but I have the means to make it happen.
This car is giving me the opportunity to move forward in my life.
In the last two weeks, with my computer and now my car, I have made some serious forward decisions. It is REALLY uncomfortable.
It means letting go of what you knew, and pushing into the unknown. I have been stuck for a lot of years. I am now, however, starting to feel unstuck. What a great feeling.
As we said good bye to my old car, I told the girls some of my favorite stories in our car. The girls were literally raised in that car. I made Aspen sad to walk away from it.
But I told her that as we grow, we have to make hard decisions. And sometimes it will feel really sad. But I explained to her that with each year we drive our van, our safety level goes down a bit. And that with this new car, there are more safety features and as she and Avery are so very important to us, this was an easy decision. She seemed fine with it.
On the way home Aspen said, 'I can,t recline this seat!'......I turned around and looked at her sitting in all her plushness, and burst out laughiing. It's the little things we loved about our old car.
So.....we are all moving forward, and it will be okay!!!
yes...a little uncomfortable for a while. But once Sirius is hooked up...we will get along just fine.
happy saturday
Friday, August 19, 2011
Happy Friday
Today I get to drop the girls off at their dance teachers house so they can be taken to dance for cheer/hip hop camp. It wasn't planned. I got the day wrong. Does that surprise you?
Next week is the actual day, but being as this teacher is so easy going, she said, "Let's do both". So, now my girls are set up for the next two Fridays.
I so love my dance studio! I don't know another like it.
The girls came down dressed in their best, and they are ready to go. I don't think they would care if they had to stand there for four hours. They'd be happy. That is a good thing!!!
As for me, I am in the process of looking for a new car. I am not saying it is going to happen, but I am looking.
Last night I test drove the Mazda CX-9. Never even heard of it before yesterday. I had my eye set on the chevy Traverse. I really only want a functional car that seats 7 and gets good gas mileage. And...doesn't look like a minivan. However, I am finding my Minivan is pretty well equipped, so this might be a long haul.
Eleven years ago (no, I am not kidding), I saw my car on a car lot. It was used. But it was a Windstar. And I had been drawn to those at that time for some reason. So now, as I am at this random car lot, I see it sitting there, and it is gently used and fully loaded. Leather seats, back up sensors, two electronic doors, seats 7.....under 10k miles and best of all, a used price. I took it and never looked back.
And though it is still a good car and "only" has 127k on it (tranny swapped out at 77k....FORD), it has been our family car for 11 years and everything on it still works. But...I think it is time to consider giving it a new home. And me too.
I am very sentimental, so getting here was a long trip in itself. My husband HATES my car and reminds me every time his little tush hits my seat. His disdain offends me, but whatever.
Now, as I look around at new possibilities, I have to let go of my past and all that has happened in that car. We got it right after Aspen was born. There have been a lot of singing and a lot of travelling in that car.
And though it will be hard to let go, I think I am committing to moving forward. So this afternoon, I will broaden my search and see what I can come up with. If you have thoughts, email me. Otherwise ......wish me luck.
Happy Friday
Next week is the actual day, but being as this teacher is so easy going, she said, "Let's do both". So, now my girls are set up for the next two Fridays.
I so love my dance studio! I don't know another like it.
The girls came down dressed in their best, and they are ready to go. I don't think they would care if they had to stand there for four hours. They'd be happy. That is a good thing!!!
As for me, I am in the process of looking for a new car. I am not saying it is going to happen, but I am looking.
Last night I test drove the Mazda CX-9. Never even heard of it before yesterday. I had my eye set on the chevy Traverse. I really only want a functional car that seats 7 and gets good gas mileage. And...doesn't look like a minivan. However, I am finding my Minivan is pretty well equipped, so this might be a long haul.
Eleven years ago (no, I am not kidding), I saw my car on a car lot. It was used. But it was a Windstar. And I had been drawn to those at that time for some reason. So now, as I am at this random car lot, I see it sitting there, and it is gently used and fully loaded. Leather seats, back up sensors, two electronic doors, seats 7.....under 10k miles and best of all, a used price. I took it and never looked back.
And though it is still a good car and "only" has 127k on it (tranny swapped out at 77k....FORD), it has been our family car for 11 years and everything on it still works. But...I think it is time to consider giving it a new home. And me too.
I am very sentimental, so getting here was a long trip in itself. My husband HATES my car and reminds me every time his little tush hits my seat. His disdain offends me, but whatever.
Now, as I look around at new possibilities, I have to let go of my past and all that has happened in that car. We got it right after Aspen was born. There have been a lot of singing and a lot of travelling in that car.
And though it will be hard to let go, I think I am committing to moving forward. So this afternoon, I will broaden my search and see what I can come up with. If you have thoughts, email me. Otherwise ......wish me luck.
Happy Friday
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Seize the day
Can you believe summer is nearly over?
I went to the beach yesterday with my girls and "The Nanna" (our nickname for my mom). I love Laguna Beach, so that's where I headed. My initial hope was Newport, but as I can never find a parking spot there, nor do I know the area well enough, I resort to my old haunt.
We went to Coyote Grill for lunch. It was so nice sitting there. We used to go more often, and now my schedule hardly permits it.
We enjoyed our lunches thoroughly. (I had a zucchini enchilada. It was as weird as it sounded).
After lunch we headed into main beach. We walked through all the shops, some of which are very artsy. It's always a fun think to see the eclectic offerings of the locals.
We were all stuffed from lunch, but apparently not stuffed enough to peruse the bakery. I couldn't leave without buying half a dozen items "just to try". When will I ever learn. Avery is apparently visual, like me, I practically had to beat her off with a stick from her desires of chocolate cupcakes and chocolate brownies. Totally my kid!
After that we headed to the actual water. (Aren't you supposed to do that while at the beach....?)
The beach was packed with tourist (including us). The girls stripped down, while Nanna sat back on a bench to "goo-gawk" at all the locals. (Love the stories of her ventures).
The girls ran to the water, jumped in and said, "COOOOLD!!!!" and out they went. They found a 2 year old little girl that the both insisted on taking care of. And that was most of our beach trip.
I talked to the little girls mom, who moved to Vegas from Florida after she her husband lost their jobs due to the economy. Luckily they sold while the market was still relatively good. And they have been settled in a suburb in Vegas with their two kids.
It's amazing that no matter who you talk to; the stories are all the same! I know so many people in the same boat. It's almost comforting to talk to a transplant and feel like she's from my own backyard!
We chatted for a few before she had to scoop up her adorable child and leave.
I love meeting people who are so open about their lives. What do any of us have to hide?
I was talking to Aspen last night about her thoughts of middle school and she came out with some concerns I hadn't heard before. Nothing major, but she gets embarrassed easy. So, I told her that no matter what happens to her, she will never be alone, because if SHE is in a new situation feeling uneasy, you can bet that more than half of the people in her presence are feeling the same way.
I talked to her about body language, and when she gets nervous that she should look around the room and see if anyone is biting their lip; folding their arms across their chest, curling their hair with their finger...or better yet, picking their nose. I told her we all have nerves and we all handle it differently but we ALL feel it with new things. And it will only be new for a few days or a week. And then she will settle into it all and it will be no big deal.
I could see her relaxing a bit, which was great. She doesn't like to talk much, so when I can drag it out of her, I'm gonna milk it for all its worth!
It was a great day yesterday. There aren't enough of those, but I'm still determined to get a few more in before summer is over.
Seize the day!
Happy Thursday!
I went to the beach yesterday with my girls and "The Nanna" (our nickname for my mom). I love Laguna Beach, so that's where I headed. My initial hope was Newport, but as I can never find a parking spot there, nor do I know the area well enough, I resort to my old haunt.
We went to Coyote Grill for lunch. It was so nice sitting there. We used to go more often, and now my schedule hardly permits it.
We enjoyed our lunches thoroughly. (I had a zucchini enchilada. It was as weird as it sounded).
After lunch we headed into main beach. We walked through all the shops, some of which are very artsy. It's always a fun think to see the eclectic offerings of the locals.
We were all stuffed from lunch, but apparently not stuffed enough to peruse the bakery. I couldn't leave without buying half a dozen items "just to try". When will I ever learn. Avery is apparently visual, like me, I practically had to beat her off with a stick from her desires of chocolate cupcakes and chocolate brownies. Totally my kid!
After that we headed to the actual water. (Aren't you supposed to do that while at the beach....?)
The beach was packed with tourist (including us). The girls stripped down, while Nanna sat back on a bench to "goo-gawk" at all the locals. (Love the stories of her ventures).
The girls ran to the water, jumped in and said, "COOOOLD!!!!" and out they went. They found a 2 year old little girl that the both insisted on taking care of. And that was most of our beach trip.
I talked to the little girls mom, who moved to Vegas from Florida after she her husband lost their jobs due to the economy. Luckily they sold while the market was still relatively good. And they have been settled in a suburb in Vegas with their two kids.
It's amazing that no matter who you talk to; the stories are all the same! I know so many people in the same boat. It's almost comforting to talk to a transplant and feel like she's from my own backyard!
We chatted for a few before she had to scoop up her adorable child and leave.
I love meeting people who are so open about their lives. What do any of us have to hide?
I was talking to Aspen last night about her thoughts of middle school and she came out with some concerns I hadn't heard before. Nothing major, but she gets embarrassed easy. So, I told her that no matter what happens to her, she will never be alone, because if SHE is in a new situation feeling uneasy, you can bet that more than half of the people in her presence are feeling the same way.
I talked to her about body language, and when she gets nervous that she should look around the room and see if anyone is biting their lip; folding their arms across their chest, curling their hair with their finger...or better yet, picking their nose. I told her we all have nerves and we all handle it differently but we ALL feel it with new things. And it will only be new for a few days or a week. And then she will settle into it all and it will be no big deal.
I could see her relaxing a bit, which was great. She doesn't like to talk much, so when I can drag it out of her, I'm gonna milk it for all its worth!
It was a great day yesterday. There aren't enough of those, but I'm still determined to get a few more in before summer is over.
Seize the day!
Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tourist day
I am thinking of being a tourist today, I just don't know where.
As I have a "free" day, and school will be starting soon to overtake my whole life, I want to take advantage of these last few days with my kids.
I heard it was supposed to be 90 degrees today, but I am staring at fog outside my window, so I'm not yet convinced. However, the temp will determine my destination, so I'm hoping for some signs to hit me quickly.
I suppose I could consult my kids, but I'm guessing I'll get 20 different answers on what they want to do, and not one of them will match the other. So I think I need to take executive rights and just go with it.
Yesterday, we went school shopping at the mall. Avery had her sites set on Justice (because she had a 40% coupon and she thought she hit the lottery). I did my few errands at the mall (makeup of course) and started heading to Macys. When we went left; she went straight. She had it so set in her mind that I had agreed to it, she didn't look back. And when I called her over, I said, "Hey....we're heading to Macy's!" She said, "But I have a coupon for Justice!" I said, "Justice was never on my plate." She said, "I DON'T CARE!!!!"
I simply looked at her and said, "Well then, I don't care to buy you any clothes".
Woof.........
We went into Macy's, and Aspen did her shopping. Avery was so mad and disappointed she didn't know what to do with herself.
And while I was disappointed, this happens to be a trait in my child that I adore! She KNOWS what she wants!!! (I just can't afford it).
From the time she was born, she knew what she wanted. She would wear a skirt on a cold day and I would tell her she needs to wear something warmer, so she would gladly put on jeans......under her skirt. And she sold it.
She would wear the most awful and uncomfortable shoes to Disneyland and walk all the way through, and not one complaint. Not so with my other child.
So, with that I have learned to appreciate her differences!
So as she sat there at Macy's, with tears, next to Nanna, while Aspen picked out her few items, I went and paid for Aspen's stuff.
Here's the hook.........
When I paid for Aspen's stuff, I got about $150 worth of stuff for $24. I didn't expect it to be that cheap, but they were having an event and I had an additional 20% off. And I wasn't coming back for another trip after Avery calmed down.
So, now, what do to with Avery?
Normally, I would have held to my threat. But I couldn't leave knowing that they needed some stuff for school and I would be losing out if I didn't take advantage right now! I consulted with my mom, as I did NOT want to buckle in front of my kids. They know that what I say is IT! And I was about to renig. Mom agreed with me on this one.
I pulled her over and explained to her that we had an opportunity to get a lot more clothes here than at Justice and that even at 40% off, they would get one item at Justice to Macy's 3 or 4. I told her that her attitude was unacceptable and I would be holding onto the clothes she chose for extra chores at home. And then I set her free.
In 5 minutes she had about ten items in her hand and she was off to the dressing room to try them on. Her approach is so different from Aspen, who is way more careful and thoughtful of her choices. It's always been that way.
As I don't want to nurture Avery's behavior, I do so appreciate her spunk and determination. It's a delicate balance as a mom to appreciate our children's individualities.
In the end, I think we all left happy. The girls got a ton of clothes (and some Godiva Chocolate) for $100. That's amazing!
I'm done shopping now (except school supplies). I know that every year, the girls go to school, see what everyone is wearing and hit us up for more clothes based on what they see. So, I guess I should say I'm done with the "starter" shopping!
It was a favorite time of year for me as a kid. Dad and mom would take us shopping and we had so much fun getting ready for school. Dad loved to shop! (Mom, not so much). He would get giddy. I miss him. But the memories are now played out to my children. So it's all good!
So, as far as my tourist day, I just don't know at this point. I think I'll wait til the sleeping beauties wake up and do a mood check. And we'll go from there!
Happy Wednesday!
As I have a "free" day, and school will be starting soon to overtake my whole life, I want to take advantage of these last few days with my kids.
I heard it was supposed to be 90 degrees today, but I am staring at fog outside my window, so I'm not yet convinced. However, the temp will determine my destination, so I'm hoping for some signs to hit me quickly.
I suppose I could consult my kids, but I'm guessing I'll get 20 different answers on what they want to do, and not one of them will match the other. So I think I need to take executive rights and just go with it.
Yesterday, we went school shopping at the mall. Avery had her sites set on Justice (because she had a 40% coupon and she thought she hit the lottery). I did my few errands at the mall (makeup of course) and started heading to Macys. When we went left; she went straight. She had it so set in her mind that I had agreed to it, she didn't look back. And when I called her over, I said, "Hey....we're heading to Macy's!" She said, "But I have a coupon for Justice!" I said, "Justice was never on my plate." She said, "I DON'T CARE!!!!"
I simply looked at her and said, "Well then, I don't care to buy you any clothes".
Woof.........
We went into Macy's, and Aspen did her shopping. Avery was so mad and disappointed she didn't know what to do with herself.
And while I was disappointed, this happens to be a trait in my child that I adore! She KNOWS what she wants!!! (I just can't afford it).
From the time she was born, she knew what she wanted. She would wear a skirt on a cold day and I would tell her she needs to wear something warmer, so she would gladly put on jeans......under her skirt. And she sold it.
She would wear the most awful and uncomfortable shoes to Disneyland and walk all the way through, and not one complaint. Not so with my other child.
So, with that I have learned to appreciate her differences!
So as she sat there at Macy's, with tears, next to Nanna, while Aspen picked out her few items, I went and paid for Aspen's stuff.
Here's the hook.........
When I paid for Aspen's stuff, I got about $150 worth of stuff for $24. I didn't expect it to be that cheap, but they were having an event and I had an additional 20% off. And I wasn't coming back for another trip after Avery calmed down.
So, now, what do to with Avery?
Normally, I would have held to my threat. But I couldn't leave knowing that they needed some stuff for school and I would be losing out if I didn't take advantage right now! I consulted with my mom, as I did NOT want to buckle in front of my kids. They know that what I say is IT! And I was about to renig. Mom agreed with me on this one.
I pulled her over and explained to her that we had an opportunity to get a lot more clothes here than at Justice and that even at 40% off, they would get one item at Justice to Macy's 3 or 4. I told her that her attitude was unacceptable and I would be holding onto the clothes she chose for extra chores at home. And then I set her free.
In 5 minutes she had about ten items in her hand and she was off to the dressing room to try them on. Her approach is so different from Aspen, who is way more careful and thoughtful of her choices. It's always been that way.
As I don't want to nurture Avery's behavior, I do so appreciate her spunk and determination. It's a delicate balance as a mom to appreciate our children's individualities.
In the end, I think we all left happy. The girls got a ton of clothes (and some Godiva Chocolate) for $100. That's amazing!
I'm done shopping now (except school supplies). I know that every year, the girls go to school, see what everyone is wearing and hit us up for more clothes based on what they see. So, I guess I should say I'm done with the "starter" shopping!
It was a favorite time of year for me as a kid. Dad and mom would take us shopping and we had so much fun getting ready for school. Dad loved to shop! (Mom, not so much). He would get giddy. I miss him. But the memories are now played out to my children. So it's all good!
So, as far as my tourist day, I just don't know at this point. I think I'll wait til the sleeping beauties wake up and do a mood check. And we'll go from there!
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Friends
In the last few days I have gotten to see and "somewhat" catch up with friends I have barely seen all summer.
As I state regularly, life is a delicate balance and as always God and family should come first. BUT.....life is a balance.
I know so many people who don't know who they are. And for some, it takes a lifetime journey to get there. We clock out on ourselves and our own needs so often that sometimes we inevitably end up at the bottom of the list, which is a huge issue.
If we aren't taking care of ourselves, who are we depending on to take care of us?
For those of devout faith; you have your answer. But for some of us, we need a little nudging a little guidance, and little leveling, and sometimes that comes from friends.
I think if we turn into ourselves more, we will find the answers we need. However, I have found in life, that not only do we check out on ourselves, we ignore serious issues. And friends, who are present and caring can point us in the right direction.
I have missed my friends this last year. I have made no secrets about it. But as I prepare to send my oldest child to middle school, I must rely on my friends - those who have trudged the path before me - to guide me correctly. For they have eyes I do not (in this instance).
I value my friendships and I rely on them. I think we all need someone in life - either to guide us, or take the path with us so we are not alone. I don't think we were ever meant to be alone. After all, God created woman for man right? And then he created friends for women to get through their marriages. It's true. You just haven't read it yet in the bibles. It's in the next version, I'm sure.
That all said, I have found my comfort level with my friends. I have "No B.S." friends, who don't hold back when I have been an idiot. Those are the kinds of people I need in my life.
And as I have been RE-exposed to them these last few days, I hope they realize how infinitely important they are to me. How they ground me, protect me and guide me. I am a mere jester in their lives - here to help them laugh when I screw up!
Surround yourself with people who will direct you wisely. We don't have all the answers alone. But together - we do!
Happy Tuesday!
As I state regularly, life is a delicate balance and as always God and family should come first. BUT.....life is a balance.
I know so many people who don't know who they are. And for some, it takes a lifetime journey to get there. We clock out on ourselves and our own needs so often that sometimes we inevitably end up at the bottom of the list, which is a huge issue.
If we aren't taking care of ourselves, who are we depending on to take care of us?
For those of devout faith; you have your answer. But for some of us, we need a little nudging a little guidance, and little leveling, and sometimes that comes from friends.
I think if we turn into ourselves more, we will find the answers we need. However, I have found in life, that not only do we check out on ourselves, we ignore serious issues. And friends, who are present and caring can point us in the right direction.
I have missed my friends this last year. I have made no secrets about it. But as I prepare to send my oldest child to middle school, I must rely on my friends - those who have trudged the path before me - to guide me correctly. For they have eyes I do not (in this instance).
I value my friendships and I rely on them. I think we all need someone in life - either to guide us, or take the path with us so we are not alone. I don't think we were ever meant to be alone. After all, God created woman for man right? And then he created friends for women to get through their marriages. It's true. You just haven't read it yet in the bibles. It's in the next version, I'm sure.
That all said, I have found my comfort level with my friends. I have "No B.S." friends, who don't hold back when I have been an idiot. Those are the kinds of people I need in my life.
And as I have been RE-exposed to them these last few days, I hope they realize how infinitely important they are to me. How they ground me, protect me and guide me. I am a mere jester in their lives - here to help them laugh when I screw up!
Surround yourself with people who will direct you wisely. We don't have all the answers alone. But together - we do!
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Off Kilter
Waking up early and not getting enough sleep does not work for me. I spent the whole day in jet lag form, doing everything in a fog. By 7pm, I was fading fast, which isn't great because I had people over for dinner. Thankfully, they were tired too, so it was an early night. I was in bed by 9:30.
Though I am excited about the schedule of school coming up, I know that my life is going to take off again and bury me like last year. I nearly shudder at the thought of it. It was a year completely handed over to my kids and it left me in the dust. I felt completely disconnected from friends, family and even my kids.
I can't handle another school year like that, so I will be making sure that I choose things more carefully and use the resources available to me.
Grandma has offered her services, and I will be taking advantage of that. But more importantly, I need to consider how we were all affected. It got to a point that when my kids needed to add in one more thing, it would send me over the top. It was such a stressful year, I definitely cannot go there again.
I am constantly reminded that there is a balance to life. You want to make sure your kids have what they need to grow, but it should not be at the expense of you (me). The more I deplete myself while doing their biddings, the less I have to "want" to offer and the less happy I am offering it.
This summer I have spent more time having the girls care for "their domain". A few interesting things have happened. First, the longer they do it and the more often they do it, the less complaining they get. And two, the longer I do it, the easier it is to ask and the happier I am that it's off "MY" list!
We have all been working together to make life easier. I am finally at the point that "everyone works" is a good motto for the house. Why should the kids get the benefit of me driving them like a taxi, when they can't even clean their own room and find their stuff. That is an off balance model.
The better balance has been working out over the summer. While we were in Bass Lake, we cooked and they cleared the table. It was great!
I do believe I also see a bit more confidence in them and their ability to take care of their domain. And while they don't like it, it's a fact of life. If I don't teach them now, how will they cope later on?
A lot of stuff is happening this week. We find out about dance teams and their schedules will be put together. Carpool is already set for the school year. The engine is one and it's about ready to go.
However, this year, my goal is to make it a smoother and more balanced ride!!
Happy Monday!
Though I am excited about the schedule of school coming up, I know that my life is going to take off again and bury me like last year. I nearly shudder at the thought of it. It was a year completely handed over to my kids and it left me in the dust. I felt completely disconnected from friends, family and even my kids.
I can't handle another school year like that, so I will be making sure that I choose things more carefully and use the resources available to me.
Grandma has offered her services, and I will be taking advantage of that. But more importantly, I need to consider how we were all affected. It got to a point that when my kids needed to add in one more thing, it would send me over the top. It was such a stressful year, I definitely cannot go there again.
I am constantly reminded that there is a balance to life. You want to make sure your kids have what they need to grow, but it should not be at the expense of you (me). The more I deplete myself while doing their biddings, the less I have to "want" to offer and the less happy I am offering it.
This summer I have spent more time having the girls care for "their domain". A few interesting things have happened. First, the longer they do it and the more often they do it, the less complaining they get. And two, the longer I do it, the easier it is to ask and the happier I am that it's off "MY" list!
We have all been working together to make life easier. I am finally at the point that "everyone works" is a good motto for the house. Why should the kids get the benefit of me driving them like a taxi, when they can't even clean their own room and find their stuff. That is an off balance model.
The better balance has been working out over the summer. While we were in Bass Lake, we cooked and they cleared the table. It was great!
I do believe I also see a bit more confidence in them and their ability to take care of their domain. And while they don't like it, it's a fact of life. If I don't teach them now, how will they cope later on?
A lot of stuff is happening this week. We find out about dance teams and their schedules will be put together. Carpool is already set for the school year. The engine is one and it's about ready to go.
However, this year, my goal is to make it a smoother and more balanced ride!!
Happy Monday!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Weddings etc
6:20am.....I went to bed after midnite, so I guess I am looking at about 6 hours of sleep! I have somewhere to be at 8 and didn't want to oversleep. So I tossed and turned for the last few hours! I hate that! Ever happen to you?
The other day, Chris told me I flopped around a lot after 6am. I do think I'm a morning person but sleep through it most of the time, so I don't know. I do know that mornings are my favorite time of the day.
But as I shot a wedding yesterday and my body feels like it's been hit by a truck, 6am, is not my friend right now. However, that said, once the brain is up, the body may as well follow!
The wedding was gorgeous. The couple is my neighbor and his new bride. He walked into my house one night as I was having a glass of wine with a friend and hired me on the spot. He'd never seen my work before, so I was a bit nervous. But I guess he had faith since he knows me.
My first encounter with his fiance was not an ideal one. I didn't know who she was, I just know I was coming home from a walk with my dogs and her little weiner dog came running across the street (off leash of course) at me and the dogs. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, because, not only have I scraped dead dogs off the street (while 8 months pregnant), I have two dogs who are NOT friendly to others while on a leash. As mine were ON a leash, and hers was not AND it was small, I feel like I'm watching an appetizer run towards me. I had to practically HANG my dogs on their leashes while running them into my house away from this unknowing victim.
When she finally caught up with the dog, I tried to hide my irritation. I made a slight note that her dog should be harnessed, and as she apologized, I softened a bit with a "Ya, my dogs get out too sometimes and it frustrates me". As I am not one to hide my feelings well, I was hoping she wasn't aware of my disdain at the situation.
She was very sweet and probably the most adorable thing I have seen. Not the best first introduction, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
After my "consultation" with my neighbor that night, we booked the engagement session. This is where I get to see how the couple interacts and we all get to know each other. This is a crucial part of the whole wedding photography package. I would never want to go shoot a wedding "blind". To me, the emotion comes from what I know of the couple. And while I know him (my neighbor) and I have met her, it still tells me nothing about how they interact together.
We did the engagement session at the beach. I could see that they were truly smitten with each other. The more time I spend with her, the more I love her! And I didn't realize that my neighbor is such a sweetheart and such a patient and caring man. When we did a pose where he was laying on the sand and she on top, the water came up and soaked him. Most men I know, would jump up and "dump their load". However, he wouldn't dare move. He took the hit and let her get off when the water was gone. It was the cutest thing. He also seemed humored that he got soaked. We all had a good laugh and I was getting way more acquainted with this lovely couple.
They chose a picture of him carrying her for their sign in board. Super cute, fun and playful.
The wedding yesterday was great. I walked in while she was getting her makeup done. I love this moment as I can feel the nervous anticpation. It's such a great honor to be part of a special day like this.
The boys of the groom go to school with my kids. I adore these boys. Twins that look NOTHING alike. One is fair haired and average size, while the other nearly towers over me and he's a bit darker toned. Sweet Sweet Sweet boys. Did I mention Sweet???
They were the best men and gave the toast at the reception. One of the boys started out his speech with, "I've known my dad a long time...." He's 12. So darned cute. It was truly a great day. I am so glad these people found each other.
The night ended around 11:30 and we were home near midnight. I have the pictures downloaded and ready to be edited. However, as I have a new computer, and don't have all my stuff loaded, I'll have to post later.
As it is, I'm running late. I guess it's a good thing I got up an hour earlier than I want. However...I see a nap in my future.....
Happy Sunday!
The other day, Chris told me I flopped around a lot after 6am. I do think I'm a morning person but sleep through it most of the time, so I don't know. I do know that mornings are my favorite time of the day.
But as I shot a wedding yesterday and my body feels like it's been hit by a truck, 6am, is not my friend right now. However, that said, once the brain is up, the body may as well follow!
The wedding was gorgeous. The couple is my neighbor and his new bride. He walked into my house one night as I was having a glass of wine with a friend and hired me on the spot. He'd never seen my work before, so I was a bit nervous. But I guess he had faith since he knows me.
My first encounter with his fiance was not an ideal one. I didn't know who she was, I just know I was coming home from a walk with my dogs and her little weiner dog came running across the street (off leash of course) at me and the dogs. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, because, not only have I scraped dead dogs off the street (while 8 months pregnant), I have two dogs who are NOT friendly to others while on a leash. As mine were ON a leash, and hers was not AND it was small, I feel like I'm watching an appetizer run towards me. I had to practically HANG my dogs on their leashes while running them into my house away from this unknowing victim.
When she finally caught up with the dog, I tried to hide my irritation. I made a slight note that her dog should be harnessed, and as she apologized, I softened a bit with a "Ya, my dogs get out too sometimes and it frustrates me". As I am not one to hide my feelings well, I was hoping she wasn't aware of my disdain at the situation.
She was very sweet and probably the most adorable thing I have seen. Not the best first introduction, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
After my "consultation" with my neighbor that night, we booked the engagement session. This is where I get to see how the couple interacts and we all get to know each other. This is a crucial part of the whole wedding photography package. I would never want to go shoot a wedding "blind". To me, the emotion comes from what I know of the couple. And while I know him (my neighbor) and I have met her, it still tells me nothing about how they interact together.
We did the engagement session at the beach. I could see that they were truly smitten with each other. The more time I spend with her, the more I love her! And I didn't realize that my neighbor is such a sweetheart and such a patient and caring man. When we did a pose where he was laying on the sand and she on top, the water came up and soaked him. Most men I know, would jump up and "dump their load". However, he wouldn't dare move. He took the hit and let her get off when the water was gone. It was the cutest thing. He also seemed humored that he got soaked. We all had a good laugh and I was getting way more acquainted with this lovely couple.
They chose a picture of him carrying her for their sign in board. Super cute, fun and playful.
The wedding yesterday was great. I walked in while she was getting her makeup done. I love this moment as I can feel the nervous anticpation. It's such a great honor to be part of a special day like this.
The boys of the groom go to school with my kids. I adore these boys. Twins that look NOTHING alike. One is fair haired and average size, while the other nearly towers over me and he's a bit darker toned. Sweet Sweet Sweet boys. Did I mention Sweet???
They were the best men and gave the toast at the reception. One of the boys started out his speech with, "I've known my dad a long time...." He's 12. So darned cute. It was truly a great day. I am so glad these people found each other.
The night ended around 11:30 and we were home near midnight. I have the pictures downloaded and ready to be edited. However, as I have a new computer, and don't have all my stuff loaded, I'll have to post later.
As it is, I'm running late. I guess it's a good thing I got up an hour earlier than I want. However...I see a nap in my future.....
Happy Sunday!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Home...
Home sweet home.
For the first time in a week, I can write on my own iPad with my own wireless network. I feel like I am back to business.
It took us 7 hours to get home yesterday, thanks to traffic. Gotta love LA.
I decided to have a date night with hubby, since I have a wedding to shoot today. So last night on our way home, the girls got to have a sleep over. And when I arrived home from our trip, it was just me.
We un packed the car and tried to figure out where to go for dinner. We always fall into the same rut. O wanted to do something different, but neither of us had an idea. So I unloaded my stuff and started to decompress.
They say that the two best days of vacation are the first day and the last day. I have to admit, there is great anticipation with both. It is nice to walk through your front door after a week of absence. My dogs look a little cuter. Is that weird?
For dinner, we ended up going to Opah in Aliso Viejo. I wasn't super hungry, so I was glad when Chris asked if we wanted to go with a few appetizers and a dessert. Everything was delicious. And it was so nice to have no distractions, and no kids asking, "Can we go? Are we done yet?"
An actual adult evening.
We caught up on the week. It was nice to hear how his week went without us. And he was amused at the week we had. It was the perfect ending to a great week.
And now it is back to the grind. I have a wedding starting at. 3:00.
A whole years worth of anticipation and planning is over 'like that'. But that is okay. O have great memories to look back on, and another year to anticipate the next.
It's all good.
Happy Saturday.
For the first time in a week, I can write on my own iPad with my own wireless network. I feel like I am back to business.
It took us 7 hours to get home yesterday, thanks to traffic. Gotta love LA.
I decided to have a date night with hubby, since I have a wedding to shoot today. So last night on our way home, the girls got to have a sleep over. And when I arrived home from our trip, it was just me.
We un packed the car and tried to figure out where to go for dinner. We always fall into the same rut. O wanted to do something different, but neither of us had an idea. So I unloaded my stuff and started to decompress.
They say that the two best days of vacation are the first day and the last day. I have to admit, there is great anticipation with both. It is nice to walk through your front door after a week of absence. My dogs look a little cuter. Is that weird?
For dinner, we ended up going to Opah in Aliso Viejo. I wasn't super hungry, so I was glad when Chris asked if we wanted to go with a few appetizers and a dessert. Everything was delicious. And it was so nice to have no distractions, and no kids asking, "Can we go? Are we done yet?"
An actual adult evening.
We caught up on the week. It was nice to hear how his week went without us. And he was amused at the week we had. It was the perfect ending to a great week.
And now it is back to the grind. I have a wedding starting at. 3:00.
A whole years worth of anticipation and planning is over 'like that'. But that is okay. O have great memories to look back on, and another year to anticipate the next.
It's all good.
Happy Saturday.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Decided perspectives
This is it. Final day. Once again, I can't believe it went so fast.
Yesterday we rented a boat to go out on the lake. It is our favorite event during the week. We look forward to it every year. The girls get most excited about the inner tube we pull behind.
As we rented the boat for five hours, we brought snacks and music with us. It was the perfect day.
The lake isn't huge, but it is big enough that it takes some time to go around. We decided to go to our favorite outlet. It is toward the end of the lake and it is big enough to park the boat and swim.
This is where our idea doesn't mesh with the ideas of the girls.
As we pulled over, we all jumped in and played for a bit, and then Julie and I decided we would sunbathe for a few, listen to music and just relax.
Apparently, this was unacceptable to the kids. Avery wanted us to get the boat moving, because she and Aspen wanted to ride and have fun. But fun for me was hanging out and relaxing in the beautiful sunshine.
We told the girls to just chill and hang out for a while, but then the words came out of Avery's mouth......."You guys are wasting our vacation time!!!"
We burst out laughing! To her, this was true. We couldn't deny her truth. But our truth was that is it was our vacation too and we wanted to relax for a bit.
So, what is one to do?
I say the pocketbook speaks louder, so we chilled for a bit. Only not as long as we would have liked.
It is funny seeing things from a kids perspective as well as the adults perspective.
While we were in the boat with the tube behind and the girls in tow, we had to yield to certain safety issues. If a skier was in the water with a flag in the air, we had to slow to 5mph. This was unacceptable to the girls on the tube. Inevitably we would hear them screaming "GO FASTER!!!". they had no idea why we slowed, nor did they care. They just wanted what they wanted.
It made me very aware of our differing lots in life. Theirs is to merely have fun, with no thoughts of safety or yielding - where ours comes from a place of "safety first".
It was fun to see things from their perspective or shall we say myopathy. I am reminded that I was there once too, and that as we grow, so does our sense of mortality and caution. Kids are completely oblivious to this, which in many ways is great. As adults we should be reminded to let go once in a while and be in the moment. Kids do this. "We" used to.
When we first got here, we had a problem with the TV. It wasn't coming on at all. And though we are not here to watch TV, there will be down times when tv is nice. But the question is.....if it didn't get fixed, should we ask to be moved to a place with a tv? Or make the best of it and just deal?
It did come very close to that question, and I tell you, the house would have been divided as much as the democrats and the republicans. Thankfully, the issue was fixed and it became a 'non-issue' (if you will).
If it were up to me, I would have liked to see how we spent our time with no electronics. People get pretty creative when they 'don't have'.
But that said.....I am sitting here writing my blog. So enough about that......
Happy Friday!
Yesterday we rented a boat to go out on the lake. It is our favorite event during the week. We look forward to it every year. The girls get most excited about the inner tube we pull behind.
As we rented the boat for five hours, we brought snacks and music with us. It was the perfect day.
The lake isn't huge, but it is big enough that it takes some time to go around. We decided to go to our favorite outlet. It is toward the end of the lake and it is big enough to park the boat and swim.
This is where our idea doesn't mesh with the ideas of the girls.
As we pulled over, we all jumped in and played for a bit, and then Julie and I decided we would sunbathe for a few, listen to music and just relax.
Apparently, this was unacceptable to the kids. Avery wanted us to get the boat moving, because she and Aspen wanted to ride and have fun. But fun for me was hanging out and relaxing in the beautiful sunshine.
We told the girls to just chill and hang out for a while, but then the words came out of Avery's mouth......."You guys are wasting our vacation time!!!"
We burst out laughing! To her, this was true. We couldn't deny her truth. But our truth was that is it was our vacation too and we wanted to relax for a bit.
So, what is one to do?
I say the pocketbook speaks louder, so we chilled for a bit. Only not as long as we would have liked.
It is funny seeing things from a kids perspective as well as the adults perspective.
While we were in the boat with the tube behind and the girls in tow, we had to yield to certain safety issues. If a skier was in the water with a flag in the air, we had to slow to 5mph. This was unacceptable to the girls on the tube. Inevitably we would hear them screaming "GO FASTER!!!". they had no idea why we slowed, nor did they care. They just wanted what they wanted.
It made me very aware of our differing lots in life. Theirs is to merely have fun, with no thoughts of safety or yielding - where ours comes from a place of "safety first".
It was fun to see things from their perspective or shall we say myopathy. I am reminded that I was there once too, and that as we grow, so does our sense of mortality and caution. Kids are completely oblivious to this, which in many ways is great. As adults we should be reminded to let go once in a while and be in the moment. Kids do this. "We" used to.
When we first got here, we had a problem with the TV. It wasn't coming on at all. And though we are not here to watch TV, there will be down times when tv is nice. But the question is.....if it didn't get fixed, should we ask to be moved to a place with a tv? Or make the best of it and just deal?
It did come very close to that question, and I tell you, the house would have been divided as much as the democrats and the republicans. Thankfully, the issue was fixed and it became a 'non-issue' (if you will).
If it were up to me, I would have liked to see how we spent our time with no electronics. People get pretty creative when they 'don't have'.
But that said.....I am sitting here writing my blog. So enough about that......
Happy Friday!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Ahhhh....vacation
I have been watching my girls these last few days. It has been quite a while since I have had a captive audience in them for any longer than a day here or there.
The other day I looked at Avery and I swear she grew. I put her back to back with Aspen (no contest there, I know), and I dare say the gap got bigger between them.
It has been such a great trip getting to hang with them. They get all of our attention and we get to have conversations that we are otherwise too busy to hear.
I can tell they are getting to an age where they are making their own decisions and becoming independent. I am also getting to enjoy their individuality.
I am reminded that my kids are only two. Growing up I had four siblings so it was easy to find someone to play with. Aspen and Avery only have each other, so it makes me happy to see how well they play and laugh together. I really want them to be friends as they get older.
Yesterday we went down to the local beach area and the girls played in the water. It ws so funny to watch them come up with things to amuse themselves. But the best part is, they keep laughing together.
It is so nice getting away from the day to day grind. I love these trips because we are stripped back to basics, with no concrete plans. We fly by the seat of our pants and makeup our trip as we go. It is absolutely no stress. Not that I mind 'planned' vacations, but there is something nice about absorbing yourself in your surroundings. We are in a house with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. We have a huge patio (the main selling point to us) and a washer/dryer. We are living here for the week. And right now, it feels like our home.
This morning, we watched a squirrel jump into the apple tree, grab an apple, jump over to a pine tree, eat it, and dump the core on on the ground at our feet, as if to say, 'here ya go!' (this was, of course, after the first squirrel came down and scared the begeebers out of me and sent me running and screaming into the house).
Today we are renting a boat to go out on the lake. We will also rent a tube to tow behind it. The girls love this. We'll eat dinner on the lake and enjoy our very relaxing day. It is the last full day we are here. Tomorrow we head back to reality and back to the grind. Hopefully, I can make this relaxed feeling stretch out and last another year.
There really is nothing like having an unplanned vacation to bleed relaxation back into your life.
Happywhateverdayitis.......
The other day I looked at Avery and I swear she grew. I put her back to back with Aspen (no contest there, I know), and I dare say the gap got bigger between them.
It has been such a great trip getting to hang with them. They get all of our attention and we get to have conversations that we are otherwise too busy to hear.
I can tell they are getting to an age where they are making their own decisions and becoming independent. I am also getting to enjoy their individuality.
I am reminded that my kids are only two. Growing up I had four siblings so it was easy to find someone to play with. Aspen and Avery only have each other, so it makes me happy to see how well they play and laugh together. I really want them to be friends as they get older.
Yesterday we went down to the local beach area and the girls played in the water. It ws so funny to watch them come up with things to amuse themselves. But the best part is, they keep laughing together.
It is so nice getting away from the day to day grind. I love these trips because we are stripped back to basics, with no concrete plans. We fly by the seat of our pants and makeup our trip as we go. It is absolutely no stress. Not that I mind 'planned' vacations, but there is something nice about absorbing yourself in your surroundings. We are in a house with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. We have a huge patio (the main selling point to us) and a washer/dryer. We are living here for the week. And right now, it feels like our home.
This morning, we watched a squirrel jump into the apple tree, grab an apple, jump over to a pine tree, eat it, and dump the core on on the ground at our feet, as if to say, 'here ya go!' (this was, of course, after the first squirrel came down and scared the begeebers out of me and sent me running and screaming into the house).
Today we are renting a boat to go out on the lake. We will also rent a tube to tow behind it. The girls love this. We'll eat dinner on the lake and enjoy our very relaxing day. It is the last full day we are here. Tomorrow we head back to reality and back to the grind. Hopefully, I can make this relaxed feeling stretch out and last another year.
There really is nothing like having an unplanned vacation to bleed relaxation back into your life.
Happywhateverdayitis.......
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Breath of fresh air
There is something so amazing waking up to the smell of pine and seeing the bright sunlight come through your window with a cold chill in the air, while tightly snuggled under the blankets and knowing the small sound of pitter patter on the roof is probably a squirrel.
What a great way to wake up. The girls are in the same room with me; we rented a house that is three bedrooms (to accommodate them), but the only the mattresses are being used from that bedroom. Nice, huh?
I was criticized a bit for 'letting' them be in the room with me, but I like it. I am realizing quickly that my kids are growing fast and soon will likely want no part of me, so I will eat up this time as much as possible.
We have had a great week so far. Yesterday we went into Yosemite. We stopped at Mariposa Grove as soon as we got in. Though I have been there before, we did little more than drive through to check it out. But yesterday, we decided to try a hike.
Before we left, we bought trekking poles. I wasn't sure how well they would go over, but let me say, they were the champion of the day.
We did the first few legs of the trail. We saw The three Graces ( can't remember the name). And then we went a little further to Grizzly Point. These are all tall Redwoods. Just beautiful.
Mom, being very stagnant in her life, struggled but trekked her way up the hill to these points. I saw her pushing herself and I was very proud. I am sure she wanted to turn around many times. I stayed with her, while Julie went ahead a bit with the girls.
It was interesting being with mom up the hill, because I could hear her inner dialogue without her uttering a word.
It is very uncomfortable to come from an inactive lifestyle, to one of activity and strenuous movement. After all, my old motto was, "no pain, NO PAIN!
I talked her through all the way up. She did great. And when we found a good stopping point for her, we let her sit while we trekked to the top.
Now, my girls didn't want to carry their poles with them to the top, so they left them with nanna. And guess who was barking for their poles near the top? Hahahaha.... Ding dongs.
The hike up was pretty steep. There were points we weren't sure we were still on the trail. But we got to the top and saw the beauty of the meadow and the museum. It was great. At least a mile straight up hill.
On the way back down, those poles really came in handy. They help take the pressure off the knees by dispersing the weight of your body. It is almost like having four legs.
It took us one third of the time to get down the hill.
Nanna was given an iPad with scrabble, so she didn't miss us a lick. She is also a skilled people watcher (I get it from her), so she had some funny stories to share when we got back. That place was definitely busy.
After our journey, we drove into Yosemite and decided to go to Glacier point. As we drove up we saw they were doing controlled burns. I should have turned around right there, but didn't. As we got to the top, the smoke was thicker and my sneaking suspicion was correct. Half dome was all smoked out.
Can you imagine spending your annual savings to come see a rock that is being purposely smokeD out? I felt so bad for all the visitors. As we got some amazing shots last year, I was merely disappointed. But if I had saved all year to see the glory of half dome.....I would have asked for a whole vacation refund. Ughhhhhh.
We left Glacier point and jumped down into the village for a short stop, then played in a meadow for a few minutes before heading back to the house in Bass Lake.
We ate dinner on the patio, enjoying the night air, and then hunkered down for yet another movie night. As we were all tired from the hike, it was an early night.
Not sure what I have in store for today. As I write, the girls are making a log cabin with Julie. I am thinking today is a 'chill' day.
I love our annual trips. I am so blessed to spend this time with my mom, the girls and my BFF. It is a time to replenish my soul.
Happy whateverdayitis......
What a great way to wake up. The girls are in the same room with me; we rented a house that is three bedrooms (to accommodate them), but the only the mattresses are being used from that bedroom. Nice, huh?
I was criticized a bit for 'letting' them be in the room with me, but I like it. I am realizing quickly that my kids are growing fast and soon will likely want no part of me, so I will eat up this time as much as possible.
We have had a great week so far. Yesterday we went into Yosemite. We stopped at Mariposa Grove as soon as we got in. Though I have been there before, we did little more than drive through to check it out. But yesterday, we decided to try a hike.
Before we left, we bought trekking poles. I wasn't sure how well they would go over, but let me say, they were the champion of the day.
We did the first few legs of the trail. We saw The three Graces ( can't remember the name). And then we went a little further to Grizzly Point. These are all tall Redwoods. Just beautiful.
Mom, being very stagnant in her life, struggled but trekked her way up the hill to these points. I saw her pushing herself and I was very proud. I am sure she wanted to turn around many times. I stayed with her, while Julie went ahead a bit with the girls.
It was interesting being with mom up the hill, because I could hear her inner dialogue without her uttering a word.
It is very uncomfortable to come from an inactive lifestyle, to one of activity and strenuous movement. After all, my old motto was, "no pain, NO PAIN!
I talked her through all the way up. She did great. And when we found a good stopping point for her, we let her sit while we trekked to the top.
Now, my girls didn't want to carry their poles with them to the top, so they left them with nanna. And guess who was barking for their poles near the top? Hahahaha.... Ding dongs.
The hike up was pretty steep. There were points we weren't sure we were still on the trail. But we got to the top and saw the beauty of the meadow and the museum. It was great. At least a mile straight up hill.
On the way back down, those poles really came in handy. They help take the pressure off the knees by dispersing the weight of your body. It is almost like having four legs.
It took us one third of the time to get down the hill.
Nanna was given an iPad with scrabble, so she didn't miss us a lick. She is also a skilled people watcher (I get it from her), so she had some funny stories to share when we got back. That place was definitely busy.
After our journey, we drove into Yosemite and decided to go to Glacier point. As we drove up we saw they were doing controlled burns. I should have turned around right there, but didn't. As we got to the top, the smoke was thicker and my sneaking suspicion was correct. Half dome was all smoked out.
Can you imagine spending your annual savings to come see a rock that is being purposely smokeD out? I felt so bad for all the visitors. As we got some amazing shots last year, I was merely disappointed. But if I had saved all year to see the glory of half dome.....I would have asked for a whole vacation refund. Ughhhhhh.
We left Glacier point and jumped down into the village for a short stop, then played in a meadow for a few minutes before heading back to the house in Bass Lake.
We ate dinner on the patio, enjoying the night air, and then hunkered down for yet another movie night. As we were all tired from the hike, it was an early night.
Not sure what I have in store for today. As I write, the girls are making a log cabin with Julie. I am thinking today is a 'chill' day.
I love our annual trips. I am so blessed to spend this time with my mom, the girls and my BFF. It is a time to replenish my soul.
Happy whateverdayitis......
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Ps I love you
Last night we hunkered down to a movie. We watched P.S. I Love You. If you haven't seen the movie and want to watch it, stop here.
it's a movie where a girls husband dies, but somehow, she is getting letters and presents from him, posthumously.
I have seen this movie a number of times, I love Gerard Butler, he is adorable. And Hilary Swank does a good job of being the widow, going through her range of emotions after his death.
There are many things I connect with on this movie. I was particularly emotional last night, and so I cried a bit. The only problem was, the kids didn't understand why.
After the movie was over, I was in tears. When I looked down Aspen was teary. I asked her why, and she said, "When you cry, I cry.". I felt bad, because I was pretty blubbery with this movie. She asked me when we were in bed, "Why did you cry so much?"
I told her the movie was a huge range of emotions, but just because I was crying at the movie, it didn't mean that I am sad (per se), rather that I connected to the movie and I was really into it. I told her that great movies will suck you in like that.
I explained that when he died he planned these adventures, so he had to be thinking about what he wanted for her after he died. And how when the three girls were in the boat, and the two had big news of being pregnant and getting married that I could totally relate to that because when I had a miscarriage before Aspen was born, I didn't want to hear any good news from anyone because I couldn't see the future for myself, as I felt like my life wasn't going forward.
And at the end, when it was found out who was sending the letters....it was such a sacrifice and it made me cry again. ( I can't bring myself to say it in case you haven't seen the movie).
I explained to her that adults feel much more deeply because they have had more life experiences to draw on. And it is actually really nice for her to be a kid, because she doesn't have to understand the pain that Holly was going through.
Sometimes as an adult, you forget how your actions affect your kids. I was sad for Aspen last night, because she was a bit confused at my emotions. She just knew I was sad, and that bothered her.
I remember feeling the same way as a kid with my mom. When her dad died, she was a mess, and I remember her scrambling to pack to go back to Pennsylvania. I can still feel my uncertain emotions while watching her. Somehow that never leaves you.
I miss the innocence of childhood. It is such a true blessing to be unaware of life's trials and devastations.
I kissed my sweet little princess and set her off to sleep. My heart swelled for her.
As I went to sleep, I thought about the movie and how many levels I can connect to it. My heart was a bit heavy for Holly, but in the end, I was filled with hope of the future for her.
Happy Tuesday
it's a movie where a girls husband dies, but somehow, she is getting letters and presents from him, posthumously.
I have seen this movie a number of times, I love Gerard Butler, he is adorable. And Hilary Swank does a good job of being the widow, going through her range of emotions after his death.
There are many things I connect with on this movie. I was particularly emotional last night, and so I cried a bit. The only problem was, the kids didn't understand why.
After the movie was over, I was in tears. When I looked down Aspen was teary. I asked her why, and she said, "When you cry, I cry.". I felt bad, because I was pretty blubbery with this movie. She asked me when we were in bed, "Why did you cry so much?"
I told her the movie was a huge range of emotions, but just because I was crying at the movie, it didn't mean that I am sad (per se), rather that I connected to the movie and I was really into it. I told her that great movies will suck you in like that.
I explained that when he died he planned these adventures, so he had to be thinking about what he wanted for her after he died. And how when the three girls were in the boat, and the two had big news of being pregnant and getting married that I could totally relate to that because when I had a miscarriage before Aspen was born, I didn't want to hear any good news from anyone because I couldn't see the future for myself, as I felt like my life wasn't going forward.
And at the end, when it was found out who was sending the letters....it was such a sacrifice and it made me cry again. ( I can't bring myself to say it in case you haven't seen the movie).
I explained to her that adults feel much more deeply because they have had more life experiences to draw on. And it is actually really nice for her to be a kid, because she doesn't have to understand the pain that Holly was going through.
Sometimes as an adult, you forget how your actions affect your kids. I was sad for Aspen last night, because she was a bit confused at my emotions. She just knew I was sad, and that bothered her.
I remember feeling the same way as a kid with my mom. When her dad died, she was a mess, and I remember her scrambling to pack to go back to Pennsylvania. I can still feel my uncertain emotions while watching her. Somehow that never leaves you.
I miss the innocence of childhood. It is such a true blessing to be unaware of life's trials and devastations.
I kissed my sweet little princess and set her off to sleep. My heart swelled for her.
As I went to sleep, I thought about the movie and how many levels I can connect to it. My heart was a bit heavy for Holly, but in the end, I was filled with hope of the future for her.
Happy Tuesday
Monday, August 8, 2011
Limitations and adventures
Last night we played Taboo. It was me, Julie, Mom, Aspen and Avery. Have you ever played that game? You have to get your playmates to say a word, but you cannot say the list of words they put on the card as clues. And THESE are the words most of us would use, so it makes it very challenging.
I was concerned about having the girls play, because they are a bit young and I didn't want them to get frustrated and walk off in a huff.
Well, can I just say you should NEVER underestimate their little minds? EVER! I found irony in the fact that Julie was mad because "I" had one extra person on my team. I'm dealing with midgets and we are kicking the 'elders' arses. I was so proud of my girls that they just shot out the answers.
Once again, the only limitations were in my mind. I clearly underestimated my children. But I also knew them well enough in a way that I could give them obscure clues that led them to the correct words.
I found such humor in watching Julie and Mom get frustrated. It really was the exact opposite of the scenario I thought I would be dealing with. My mom plays crossword puzzles for gosh sakes, the woman knows her words!
But it isn't just about the words, it is about knowing your team mates and the way their minds work.
We decided to switch it up and let me be the clue giver. Apparently I have a gift in this department and it 'evened' the odds. As I know every one of the players very well, and how their brains tick, I knew how to deliver the clues to get them to the answer.
I am so glad that I didn't hold myself back in this one. It was such an ironic turn out, you think I would have learned by now. I constantly hold myself back on things because I think too much.
I need to train myself to stand back and let things happen more. My kids are so capable, and my denying them shortchanges their chances to shine and grow and challenge themselves.
Not only that, many times I say no on myself. I stop myself before I get started. I think it is an innate trait I was born with.
Yesterday on my walk with my mom, we talked about motivation. It is not something I have, yet something I work very hard towards. I have to look forward to the benefits in order to get me going.
I feel like I live in a box of comfort and don't want to venture out. But there are rewards in venturing, and I am realizing it more and more. When you limit yourself, that is one thing, but when you limit your kids, that is training them to stay inside to the box too, and I don't want to do that.
There, in lies my motivation.
Happy Monday!
I was concerned about having the girls play, because they are a bit young and I didn't want them to get frustrated and walk off in a huff.
Well, can I just say you should NEVER underestimate their little minds? EVER! I found irony in the fact that Julie was mad because "I" had one extra person on my team. I'm dealing with midgets and we are kicking the 'elders' arses. I was so proud of my girls that they just shot out the answers.
Once again, the only limitations were in my mind. I clearly underestimated my children. But I also knew them well enough in a way that I could give them obscure clues that led them to the correct words.
I found such humor in watching Julie and Mom get frustrated. It really was the exact opposite of the scenario I thought I would be dealing with. My mom plays crossword puzzles for gosh sakes, the woman knows her words!
But it isn't just about the words, it is about knowing your team mates and the way their minds work.
We decided to switch it up and let me be the clue giver. Apparently I have a gift in this department and it 'evened' the odds. As I know every one of the players very well, and how their brains tick, I knew how to deliver the clues to get them to the answer.
I am so glad that I didn't hold myself back in this one. It was such an ironic turn out, you think I would have learned by now. I constantly hold myself back on things because I think too much.
I need to train myself to stand back and let things happen more. My kids are so capable, and my denying them shortchanges their chances to shine and grow and challenge themselves.
Not only that, many times I say no on myself. I stop myself before I get started. I think it is an innate trait I was born with.
Yesterday on my walk with my mom, we talked about motivation. It is not something I have, yet something I work very hard towards. I have to look forward to the benefits in order to get me going.
I feel like I live in a box of comfort and don't want to venture out. But there are rewards in venturing, and I am realizing it more and more. When you limit yourself, that is one thing, but when you limit your kids, that is training them to stay inside to the box too, and I don't want to do that.
There, in lies my motivation.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Horizons
Last week was dance camp for the girls. They were the from Monday through Friday 9-4. They learned different disciplines, and at the end of the week, they are evaluated to see what dance teams they will be accepted into.
Parents are invited at the end of the week to see the performances of what the kids learned. Unfortunately, I was not able to be there as I had a work meeting. I did, however pop in earlier in the day to drop off a picture, and it happened to be at the time Aspen was doing her lyrical performance.
I had never seen her do lyrical. I believe this was her first time ever doing it. When I walked in the room, they were half way through the routine. I stopped and watched her dance.
Lyrical is a whimsical sort of dance. (all my opinion. I don't know technical terms.). It follows the rhythm of the music and it is (again my opinion) romantic.
As I watched Aspen do this for the first time, I was stopped in my tracks. She was beautiful.
As a mom, you get to watch your child grow. But there are moments that you actually witness it happening, and this was one of those moments.
As she was performing in front of "judges", her movements were careful and graceful. Her expression matched the mood of the song. This meant a lot to her and I could see that in her face.
I actually got choked up.
The funny thing about all this, is both of my kids were certain what team they wanted to be on. However, after this week, they both changed their minds. Their horizons were broadened and their minds were open to new ideas.
I think we become creatures of comfort too quickly.
I was talking to a friend of mind recently, who just moved to Arizona. I asked her how she was faring. Like me, she's been in California most of her life.
She said she loves it there. She never imagined she would leave OC but she absolutely loves it there.
It is a reminder to me to not get stuck in our ways. There is more than one way to live. We just get hooked into what we have.
Now that the girls dance is done, we wait for the results. Aspen has asked me a number of times already to check my email and see if we have message that will determine her upcoming year. She is so excited she can't stand it.
I am so proud of her for opening her mind and looking at other possibilities. Both girls have had an amazing week and will be happy no matter how they are chosen.
As they grow, I see their world is limitless. They can have anything they want. ANYTHING. The world is their oyster. But as I sit here, I realize, that wishing doesn't have an age. We, too, can have anything we want. IF we allow ourselves the possibility to dream and work towards it.
Happy Sunday.
Parents are invited at the end of the week to see the performances of what the kids learned. Unfortunately, I was not able to be there as I had a work meeting. I did, however pop in earlier in the day to drop off a picture, and it happened to be at the time Aspen was doing her lyrical performance.
I had never seen her do lyrical. I believe this was her first time ever doing it. When I walked in the room, they were half way through the routine. I stopped and watched her dance.
Lyrical is a whimsical sort of dance. (all my opinion. I don't know technical terms.). It follows the rhythm of the music and it is (again my opinion) romantic.
As I watched Aspen do this for the first time, I was stopped in my tracks. She was beautiful.
As a mom, you get to watch your child grow. But there are moments that you actually witness it happening, and this was one of those moments.
As she was performing in front of "judges", her movements were careful and graceful. Her expression matched the mood of the song. This meant a lot to her and I could see that in her face.
I actually got choked up.
The funny thing about all this, is both of my kids were certain what team they wanted to be on. However, after this week, they both changed their minds. Their horizons were broadened and their minds were open to new ideas.
I think we become creatures of comfort too quickly.
I was talking to a friend of mind recently, who just moved to Arizona. I asked her how she was faring. Like me, she's been in California most of her life.
She said she loves it there. She never imagined she would leave OC but she absolutely loves it there.
It is a reminder to me to not get stuck in our ways. There is more than one way to live. We just get hooked into what we have.
Now that the girls dance is done, we wait for the results. Aspen has asked me a number of times already to check my email and see if we have message that will determine her upcoming year. She is so excited she can't stand it.
I am so proud of her for opening her mind and looking at other possibilities. Both girls have had an amazing week and will be happy no matter how they are chosen.
As they grow, I see their world is limitless. They can have anything they want. ANYTHING. The world is their oyster. But as I sit here, I realize, that wishing doesn't have an age. We, too, can have anything we want. IF we allow ourselves the possibility to dream and work towards it.
Happy Sunday.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Modern Day Conveniences
I was struck by the multiple comments I heard this week from people following me on facebook and how busy I am. It is true, as of late, my husband has had to make appointments to see me.
I was thinking this morning about a couple of those ladies, and I realized that much of the stuff I do, is made easier with modern day conveniences.
This morning I made 18 muffins over two batches, and it was done in a matter of minutes (minus baking time) thanks to my Kitchenaid Stand Mixer. That thing is like GOLD to me. I wouldn't likely bake as much without it.
As I was cleaning up some messes, I had handy wipes available. Now, I don't have to go search for the bottle of cleaner, it's all in a wipe.
Everything we have today is packaged and ready to go. I do believe that is actually a problem with our society. We are so bogged with conveniences that when hard work hits us (like how they used to do it in the "old days") we are crippled by inability, or just downright laziness.
When Aspen was born, mom was telling me how she used to have cloth diapers and told me stories about how they dealt with poopie diapers. If my husband had to deal with the old days, he would have turned in our daughter right then and there!!!
I do believe I am one of the few people among my friends who doesn't have a cleaning lady come. I honestly didn't have the time to clean my house before they came to clean my house. So it is what it is. If you think I am busy and the shoe has to drop somewhere, well - ya got me!
Our society has changed so much and I believe in some ways that it is the conveniences that have crippled many of our youth. Because people have cleaners come, they don't have to learn how to deal with things like dust and baseboards, and fan blades. It's all done for them.
When I went to clean that house, there was no electricity and running water. You want a challenge? Put yourself in that situation! We had to bring in gallon jugs of water to clean, and we swept the carpet floor with a broom. I got a good workout in that day!
So, though my schedule appears to be busy, I have to agree, it is made easier by modern day conveniences. That said, as I write, my kids are scrubbing their bathroom before we leave on our jaunt. They are complaining less, because I am asking them to do more on a regular basis. This is new for all of us, but it's becoming a good habit. I am finding (as my mother says) many hands make light work.
And if my kids complain about the task they are given, I will give them a nastier task to deal with. But thankfully, so far so good!
One of the ladies I work with told me a story about her husbands family. She raised a lot of kids and her motto was "Everone works".
I witnessed it with my sisters kids. Every time she comes here, my kids are raised to a new level of standards. She (and her hubby) are doing an amazing job with their kids! They are self sufficient, confident and do things without being asked. They have a sense of pride about themselves that many kids nowadays are lacking. There truly is a price of privelege that needs to be looked at in our society.
That said, I'm realizing the balance of everything I am doing. Though I appreciate the modern day conveniences, I will do my best to realize where I came from and teach my kids about hard work and the benefits of a job well done! I feel very positive about the direction my family is going. We are working together and that makes my life a bit easier. But not only that, it makes me proud!
Don't forget to look where you came from to see where you are going!!
Happy Saturday!
I was thinking this morning about a couple of those ladies, and I realized that much of the stuff I do, is made easier with modern day conveniences.
This morning I made 18 muffins over two batches, and it was done in a matter of minutes (minus baking time) thanks to my Kitchenaid Stand Mixer. That thing is like GOLD to me. I wouldn't likely bake as much without it.
As I was cleaning up some messes, I had handy wipes available. Now, I don't have to go search for the bottle of cleaner, it's all in a wipe.
Everything we have today is packaged and ready to go. I do believe that is actually a problem with our society. We are so bogged with conveniences that when hard work hits us (like how they used to do it in the "old days") we are crippled by inability, or just downright laziness.
When Aspen was born, mom was telling me how she used to have cloth diapers and told me stories about how they dealt with poopie diapers. If my husband had to deal with the old days, he would have turned in our daughter right then and there!!!
I do believe I am one of the few people among my friends who doesn't have a cleaning lady come. I honestly didn't have the time to clean my house before they came to clean my house. So it is what it is. If you think I am busy and the shoe has to drop somewhere, well - ya got me!
Our society has changed so much and I believe in some ways that it is the conveniences that have crippled many of our youth. Because people have cleaners come, they don't have to learn how to deal with things like dust and baseboards, and fan blades. It's all done for them.
When I went to clean that house, there was no electricity and running water. You want a challenge? Put yourself in that situation! We had to bring in gallon jugs of water to clean, and we swept the carpet floor with a broom. I got a good workout in that day!
So, though my schedule appears to be busy, I have to agree, it is made easier by modern day conveniences. That said, as I write, my kids are scrubbing their bathroom before we leave on our jaunt. They are complaining less, because I am asking them to do more on a regular basis. This is new for all of us, but it's becoming a good habit. I am finding (as my mother says) many hands make light work.
And if my kids complain about the task they are given, I will give them a nastier task to deal with. But thankfully, so far so good!
One of the ladies I work with told me a story about her husbands family. She raised a lot of kids and her motto was "Everone works".
I witnessed it with my sisters kids. Every time she comes here, my kids are raised to a new level of standards. She (and her hubby) are doing an amazing job with their kids! They are self sufficient, confident and do things without being asked. They have a sense of pride about themselves that many kids nowadays are lacking. There truly is a price of privelege that needs to be looked at in our society.
That said, I'm realizing the balance of everything I am doing. Though I appreciate the modern day conveniences, I will do my best to realize where I came from and teach my kids about hard work and the benefits of a job well done! I feel very positive about the direction my family is going. We are working together and that makes my life a bit easier. But not only that, it makes me proud!
Don't forget to look where you came from to see where you are going!!
Happy Saturday!
Friday, August 5, 2011
One more ball...
It's so funny how things get squeezed in at the last minute.
Though I have been busy, I was made busier by little things added that I wasn't expecting, or didn't allot for. The problem is, one thing affects the next.
I'm not the best time manager, but somehow I manage. I rarely miss appointments (though it does happen) and I seem to get things done, so that is a good thing.
Take yesterday for example; I worked 3 meetings, walked the dogs 3 miles, went to the Apple store and completed a wedding contract with clients, after my work day.
Things that were not on my schedule for yesterday until yesterday morning...?? Walk the dogs 3 miles, go to the Apple Store and Meeting with clients.
How did those things get added? Let's dissect:
Everyone likes food; lets start with Apple. My phone has been acting hokey. I'll be on the phone with someone and it will call someone else, mid conversation. Last I checked, this isn't normal. So, I went in on Wednesday (my day off) to take care of it. Unfortunately, one needs an "appointment" to be looked at! Whatever. So, I make the appointment for Thursday (my busiest day).
Dogs: The stupid dogs have been driving the neighbors crazy, so I'm making it as much my goal as possible to walk the snot out of them so they won't bark. Happy neighbors are way more important than my desire to actually "rest" between meetings. So, with full makeup and hair mid afternoon in 85 degree weather, I took the little yappers and dragged them until they practically had to be carried home.
Wedding clients: This was requested for Monday or Wednesday, but somehow, late Wednesday night, the email came to schedule the appointment for the following day (Thursday) after 7:30. Which actually works perfect for me because my work day ends about 8:30. So I popped on over after work. I was tired, but we got the job done so all is well with the world!
When shooting any event, it's so important to connect with your clients, be they friends or just clients you have never worked with before. Knowing who they are and how they tick makes a big difference in how successful the shoot will go. I am glad I got to squeeze them in to chat. I'm very excited for their big day!!
Yesterday I went into one of my meetings and not one, but two of my members who follow me said that I am so busy, they don't know how I keep up the schedule. But as moms, I'm sure they are just reflecting back to that wild time when they went through it.
I think it is a phase of our lives. As I get to meet so many fascinating people with what I do, I'm blessed to witness all these phases. Some are relaxed and retired, some can barely get in and get out fast enough to move on to the next thing. As a witness to life, I enjoy meeting and watching people, and even inquiring about their lives. People are fascinating. We all have a story. It may be boring to us, but to someone else, it could be a fairytale life, or just a plain old tailspin. But, we all are someone special.
I have another busy day planned. I work and in the last few days had a staff meeting and a photo shoot thrown into the mix for the day. As well as finishing up a wedding DVD, laundry, cleaning and packing. If I work super fast, I'll get it all done. But I better move at the speed of light so nothing else can get added in.
Happy Friday!
Though I have been busy, I was made busier by little things added that I wasn't expecting, or didn't allot for. The problem is, one thing affects the next.
I'm not the best time manager, but somehow I manage. I rarely miss appointments (though it does happen) and I seem to get things done, so that is a good thing.
Take yesterday for example; I worked 3 meetings, walked the dogs 3 miles, went to the Apple store and completed a wedding contract with clients, after my work day.
Things that were not on my schedule for yesterday until yesterday morning...?? Walk the dogs 3 miles, go to the Apple Store and Meeting with clients.
How did those things get added? Let's dissect:
Everyone likes food; lets start with Apple. My phone has been acting hokey. I'll be on the phone with someone and it will call someone else, mid conversation. Last I checked, this isn't normal. So, I went in on Wednesday (my day off) to take care of it. Unfortunately, one needs an "appointment" to be looked at! Whatever. So, I make the appointment for Thursday (my busiest day).
Dogs: The stupid dogs have been driving the neighbors crazy, so I'm making it as much my goal as possible to walk the snot out of them so they won't bark. Happy neighbors are way more important than my desire to actually "rest" between meetings. So, with full makeup and hair mid afternoon in 85 degree weather, I took the little yappers and dragged them until they practically had to be carried home.
Wedding clients: This was requested for Monday or Wednesday, but somehow, late Wednesday night, the email came to schedule the appointment for the following day (Thursday) after 7:30. Which actually works perfect for me because my work day ends about 8:30. So I popped on over after work. I was tired, but we got the job done so all is well with the world!
When shooting any event, it's so important to connect with your clients, be they friends or just clients you have never worked with before. Knowing who they are and how they tick makes a big difference in how successful the shoot will go. I am glad I got to squeeze them in to chat. I'm very excited for their big day!!
Yesterday I went into one of my meetings and not one, but two of my members who follow me said that I am so busy, they don't know how I keep up the schedule. But as moms, I'm sure they are just reflecting back to that wild time when they went through it.
I think it is a phase of our lives. As I get to meet so many fascinating people with what I do, I'm blessed to witness all these phases. Some are relaxed and retired, some can barely get in and get out fast enough to move on to the next thing. As a witness to life, I enjoy meeting and watching people, and even inquiring about their lives. People are fascinating. We all have a story. It may be boring to us, but to someone else, it could be a fairytale life, or just a plain old tailspin. But, we all are someone special.
I have another busy day planned. I work and in the last few days had a staff meeting and a photo shoot thrown into the mix for the day. As well as finishing up a wedding DVD, laundry, cleaning and packing. If I work super fast, I'll get it all done. But I better move at the speed of light so nothing else can get added in.
Happy Friday!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Sub-Motivation
I do not know how deep the subconscious runs, but I do know it's pretty complex in there. Hardly do we ever say anything and there isn't some hidden meaning to it. So if you ever say something to someone and you were "just kidding"....well, actually you weren't! You more than likely just don't know what exactly drove you to say what you said....but you did mean it!
I took my dogs for a walk yesterday. We are having problems with one of them barking, and so I figured I would walk the "bark" right out of them. I did this begrudgingly, of course! Walking with my dogs is a total pain.
One is a princess and doesn't care for the long walks. She's rather dainty, if you will, so a short walk will do her fine. She just wants the attention.
The other is a feisty little firecracker. She's cute, stout, chock full of personality and you either love her, or she's under your skin. You can't have both at the same time.
As I'm walking them, their coloring sinks in, as do their personalities. I'm stopped for a moment and start examining a bit closer.
I have a blond and a red. One is pretty mellow, and the other we talk to constantly. The blond is sweet, independent, pretty low key (except for the occasional mishaps) and the Red is quick, loud, funny and sometimes a bit too much.
Wow....so are my kids!
Aspen is blond, Avery is red. Did I do this on purpose, or was it self conscious? Did I choose our dogs to match our kids?
When I went to pick out Jinx, there was a blond brother that was super cute. But I had my heart set on the redder dog. Maybe to complete my set at home?
Who knows???
But the bottom line is, it got me thinking about how we get through in life. There really is a motivation behind every choice we make. Whether we are aware of it or not.
My husband doesn't get when we have "discussions" why I won't let go of what he says at times. And the truth is, I'm trying to get to the bottom of what he really meant!!
Have you ever argued about a toilet seat being up? Do you think it's really only about the toilet seat? Sometimes, maybe. But often, no!!!
I hear women talking about their husbands, and they complain about the little stuff. But more often than not, there is something deeper like, they aren't getting enough attention or respect. But that is harder to identify than the stuff that irritates us, so we argue about "the little shit".
I don't know what my motivation was to get those dogs. Kara came first (the blond) just like Aspen. Then Jinx (the red dog). I'm sure there was something very deliberate about my choice. But, something tells me, I'll never know.
So I'll just take my dogs for a walk and let it be at that!
Happy Thursday!
I took my dogs for a walk yesterday. We are having problems with one of them barking, and so I figured I would walk the "bark" right out of them. I did this begrudgingly, of course! Walking with my dogs is a total pain.
One is a princess and doesn't care for the long walks. She's rather dainty, if you will, so a short walk will do her fine. She just wants the attention.
The other is a feisty little firecracker. She's cute, stout, chock full of personality and you either love her, or she's under your skin. You can't have both at the same time.
As I'm walking them, their coloring sinks in, as do their personalities. I'm stopped for a moment and start examining a bit closer.
I have a blond and a red. One is pretty mellow, and the other we talk to constantly. The blond is sweet, independent, pretty low key (except for the occasional mishaps) and the Red is quick, loud, funny and sometimes a bit too much.
Wow....so are my kids!
Aspen is blond, Avery is red. Did I do this on purpose, or was it self conscious? Did I choose our dogs to match our kids?
When I went to pick out Jinx, there was a blond brother that was super cute. But I had my heart set on the redder dog. Maybe to complete my set at home?
Who knows???
But the bottom line is, it got me thinking about how we get through in life. There really is a motivation behind every choice we make. Whether we are aware of it or not.
My husband doesn't get when we have "discussions" why I won't let go of what he says at times. And the truth is, I'm trying to get to the bottom of what he really meant!!
Have you ever argued about a toilet seat being up? Do you think it's really only about the toilet seat? Sometimes, maybe. But often, no!!!
I hear women talking about their husbands, and they complain about the little stuff. But more often than not, there is something deeper like, they aren't getting enough attention or respect. But that is harder to identify than the stuff that irritates us, so we argue about "the little shit".
I don't know what my motivation was to get those dogs. Kara came first (the blond) just like Aspen. Then Jinx (the red dog). I'm sure there was something very deliberate about my choice. But, something tells me, I'll never know.
So I'll just take my dogs for a walk and let it be at that!
Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Dead or Alive?
A headache is never a headache - and you never appreciate your health until you don't have it!
Yesterday I came home from work and noticed the beginning of an ocular migraine. What is that you ask? Well I had no idea until a few years ago when I had my mother (whom I never ask to drive me anywhere) drive me to my eye doctor for impaired vision.
An ocular migraine is a freaky and random thing that happens to your vision. It lasts (for me) anywhere from 10 -30 minutes. It's been called an "aura", but I like to call it the 'scratchy screen on the old channel 3 that crosses my vision from one eye to the other'. It will start peripherally, and move across the front of my vision so I can't read, type, or basically see anything in full form - until it gets to the other peripheral location. Yesterday it moved from right to left.
First time this happened to me was right after I ate leftover Jack Shrimp Jambalaya. I was certain I had food poisoning. I freaked out, and took a nap to see if it would pass, and it did. Thank GOD!
Next time it happened, I called the doctor. He told me to come in right away and make sure it wasn't Retinal Detachment. Thankfully, I was fine. Then he explained to me this phenomena. Somehow I didn't feel much better! But at least I knew what it was!
Though it is called an Ocular MIGRAINE, it is not usually accompanied (in my case) with a headache (again, Thank God). However, yesterday was awful!
After the visual episode passed, I had this pressure on my head, like I was wearing a squeezing device. It was super hot outside and I was sure my brain was swelling, looking for more room to breathe. I am not sure I had felt pain like that before. I was sure I was gonna stroke out!
Unfortunately, as a mom, I don't have time for a stroke; I had to pick up my kids and go meet hubby and his boss for dinner. A stroke is not an option at this point. So I walked gingerly and drank tons of water in case I was dehydrated.
Unfortunately, well into dinner, I felt the pressure bearing down on my head. I was a little nervous.
I don't know about you, but for me, a headache is never a headache. It's a brain tumor or a stroke.
I had a rash on my arm a few months back and was certain is was skin cancer.
And when I had a vertigo episode last year (let's talk about scared), I called 911 to see if they could tell I was having a stroke. (no, I'm not joking). I couldn't walk straight, and I think that threw me into a total panic attack.
They said they were gonna send someone out and I told them no - my husband was with me, so if I needed help I would have him call back, but they discharged the police and the fire department anyway (apparently they have to). This was 11pm at night on Aspen's birthday and we had 10 girls sleeping in the front room. DEFINITELY NO TIME FOR STROKE NOW!!!!
The cops came first and luckily, I was walking around outside trying to see if fresh air helped. (Thank God again! Could you imagine the looks on the girlies faces when the cops come to the door in the middle of a birthday party?)
Luckily, the policeman was able to call off the rest of the posse. I would have been devastated to mar my childs birthday party, with what turned out to be an inner ear imbalance!
Now, I'm not saying I'm a hypochondriac. Because, usually, I don't air my wares......however, as I have talked to many people, I find we are all the same.
I have a friend who was on Weight Watchers and because she was losing at least a pound a week, she was certain it was cancer and not the program!
I think we all have a deep seeded fear that we will lose control of our lives at some point. But most of us won't speak of it! (Unless you are me and you put it out to the whole freakin' world!!!)
It comes down to control.
My headache finally subsided (as of this morning). I actually feel human again, and I am thankful for this beautiful day. After all, I was convinced yesterday was my last.
Usually, I talk myself down before it all gets to the surface. But in the face of my whacked out and over compensating fears, I decided to share today. If for no other reason than to make you feel better that you don't have my brain!
Happy Wednesday!
Yesterday I came home from work and noticed the beginning of an ocular migraine. What is that you ask? Well I had no idea until a few years ago when I had my mother (whom I never ask to drive me anywhere) drive me to my eye doctor for impaired vision.
An ocular migraine is a freaky and random thing that happens to your vision. It lasts (for me) anywhere from 10 -30 minutes. It's been called an "aura", but I like to call it the 'scratchy screen on the old channel 3 that crosses my vision from one eye to the other'. It will start peripherally, and move across the front of my vision so I can't read, type, or basically see anything in full form - until it gets to the other peripheral location. Yesterday it moved from right to left.
First time this happened to me was right after I ate leftover Jack Shrimp Jambalaya. I was certain I had food poisoning. I freaked out, and took a nap to see if it would pass, and it did. Thank GOD!
Next time it happened, I called the doctor. He told me to come in right away and make sure it wasn't Retinal Detachment. Thankfully, I was fine. Then he explained to me this phenomena. Somehow I didn't feel much better! But at least I knew what it was!
Though it is called an Ocular MIGRAINE, it is not usually accompanied (in my case) with a headache (again, Thank God). However, yesterday was awful!
After the visual episode passed, I had this pressure on my head, like I was wearing a squeezing device. It was super hot outside and I was sure my brain was swelling, looking for more room to breathe. I am not sure I had felt pain like that before. I was sure I was gonna stroke out!
Unfortunately, as a mom, I don't have time for a stroke; I had to pick up my kids and go meet hubby and his boss for dinner. A stroke is not an option at this point. So I walked gingerly and drank tons of water in case I was dehydrated.
Unfortunately, well into dinner, I felt the pressure bearing down on my head. I was a little nervous.
I don't know about you, but for me, a headache is never a headache. It's a brain tumor or a stroke.
I had a rash on my arm a few months back and was certain is was skin cancer.
And when I had a vertigo episode last year (let's talk about scared), I called 911 to see if they could tell I was having a stroke. (no, I'm not joking). I couldn't walk straight, and I think that threw me into a total panic attack.
They said they were gonna send someone out and I told them no - my husband was with me, so if I needed help I would have him call back, but they discharged the police and the fire department anyway (apparently they have to). This was 11pm at night on Aspen's birthday and we had 10 girls sleeping in the front room. DEFINITELY NO TIME FOR STROKE NOW!!!!
The cops came first and luckily, I was walking around outside trying to see if fresh air helped. (Thank God again! Could you imagine the looks on the girlies faces when the cops come to the door in the middle of a birthday party?)
Luckily, the policeman was able to call off the rest of the posse. I would have been devastated to mar my childs birthday party, with what turned out to be an inner ear imbalance!
Now, I'm not saying I'm a hypochondriac. Because, usually, I don't air my wares......however, as I have talked to many people, I find we are all the same.
I have a friend who was on Weight Watchers and because she was losing at least a pound a week, she was certain it was cancer and not the program!
I think we all have a deep seeded fear that we will lose control of our lives at some point. But most of us won't speak of it! (Unless you are me and you put it out to the whole freakin' world!!!)
It comes down to control.
My headache finally subsided (as of this morning). I actually feel human again, and I am thankful for this beautiful day. After all, I was convinced yesterday was my last.
Usually, I talk myself down before it all gets to the surface. But in the face of my whacked out and over compensating fears, I decided to share today. If for no other reason than to make you feel better that you don't have my brain!
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Do or Die....
Have you ever had to do something you didn’t really want to do, but didn’t have a choice? How did you get through it?
There are times I really have to “pull it out” of me when I’m not in the mood to do something. Of course, I usually pull through, but with what amount of effort? And how well, is the question!
My husband has a passion for music. He hits it with a vengeance and never looks back. I don’t think I have once heard him say, “I’m not in the mood to play” (guitar).
Not only does he play guitar, he know every possible thing about guitarists and bands and musical equipment and things I could really care less about. He's truly amazing with it all!
He has passion for music.
His biggest hurdle is finding someone else, to be in a band with, who loves it and is as dedicated to it as he is!
I admire his passion.
Passion.
There is a lot to be said for it, and if you haven’t found yours, you need to keep looking.
I have a friend who has followed in the trade-footsteps of her parents. She is excellent at what she does, but I do not see a passion there. Though she executes her job perfectly, I and she is loved by all, I don’t think the burning fire is there for her trade. It’s just something she does.
There is a huge difference between being good at something and doing it well, and being truly passionate about what you are doing.
All my life I have been drawn to masks. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s the fantasy, the drama, the fun….but it’s always been there. When I saw the “Masquerade” seen in Phantom of the Opera, with all the costumes and masks, I studied all the different costumes over and over. There is something that is so intriguing about that seen. And the costumes and stage lighting in Burlesque threw me over the edge. I finally realized how I can put my passions together. All the pieces have been there all my life; my love for makeup, photography, fantasy, lighting…..it’s all coming together now. Though it will take some time to actually come together, I feel like I found my direction.
I believe all the pieces of our lives are out there. If you are lucky enough, you have found your passion. But if you haven’t found it yet, don’t stop looking. Start listening. Listen to the skips in your heartbeat when you see something you love.
Write it down.
It doesn’t come with age, it comes with listening…..there’s a big difference.
Happy Tuesday!
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