decisions and consequences

Up at 4 am. So....is THIS what happens when you buy a new car after you haven't had a car payment for 7 years?

I found myself wide awake with total clarity, doing calculations in my mind. Small things here and there, but we can make it work. So why worry?

When you get something new, it feels like a guilty indulgence. And this car is pretty plush (Mazda CX-9), compared to what I am used to driving (2000 ford Windstar). So guilty, is a bit of an understatement. When the guy told me it has Sirius radio, I asked if it had husband ejector seats. I felt really bad for my husband because that is his sort of thing to appreciate. Not that I won't appreciate it for myself, but you are looking at a girl who buys one album and listens to it for weeks and months. Ask my kids.

But, movin on from the radio, I have leather seats, a sun roof, back up camera, keyless entry, bluetooth (actual, honest to God, hands free talking) and mp3 player. Oh...and wheels of course. AND touch rear door opening ( I don't know what it is called, but lets just say I made fun of people who had it and now i am one of them).

Though I am very excited by all this, when you make a big decision that affects your family you can't help but go over it in your head and 'check yourself'.

Something funny happened when i was signing for the car; when I realized I couldn't turn back, something came over me that told me it will all work out. Yes, it is an extra payment, but I have the means to make it happen.

This car is giving me the opportunity to move forward in my life.

In the last two weeks, with my computer and now my car, I have made some serious forward decisions. It is REALLY uncomfortable.

It means letting go of what you knew, and pushing into the unknown. I have been stuck for a lot of years. I am now, however, starting to feel unstuck. What a great feeling.

As we said good bye to my old car, I told the girls some of my favorite stories in our car. The girls were literally raised in that car. I made Aspen sad to walk away from it.

But I told her that as we grow, we have to make hard decisions. And sometimes it will feel really sad. But I explained to her that with each year we drive our van, our safety level goes down a bit. And that with this new car, there are more safety features and as she and Avery are so very important to us, this was an easy decision. She seemed fine with it.

On the way home Aspen said, 'I can,t recline this seat!'......I turned around and looked at her sitting in all her plushness, and burst out laughiing. It's the little things we loved about our old car.

So.....we are all moving forward, and it will be okay!!!

yes...a little uncomfortable for a while. But once Sirius is hooked up...we will get along just fine.

happy saturday