Let it begin.

Yesterday was the day I took Aspen to Middle School to get her signed up.

The day started with what to wear. As she was getting her picture taken, I wanted to make sure that she was dressed in something she wouldn't regret at the end of the year. We went over a few choices, and finally decided on the first thing she chose.

I don't think SHE is nervous....I think I am projecting my nerves on her. And I need to stop.

If I am not projecting on her, then I am telling her what I anticipate, and then she's freaked out. And that is not fair to her.

I was watching Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) yesterday on tv. He helps 'fix' dogs, or rather, train their adults. And his direction to them is always the same, "Be calm and assertive, because the dog will respond to your energy."

No, Aspen is not a dog, but energy is universal. And right now, mine is bad!

My own personal anxiety issues are bleeding onto my otherwise calm child. I get mad at Chris ALL THE TIME, for anticipating things. It drives me crazy. And here I am doing the same darn think to my kid.

My own personal experience of middle school was pretty horrible. What a terrible time to transition your child into all new surroundings. RIGHT when all their hormones are starting to kick in. Who was the genius who decided that? And lets throw in a bunch of people you don't know, and who don't know you, so we can take your new hormones and mix them with a vat of insecurity. Have fun kids!!!! Hope you can build your self confidence with that!

Here is what I remember about that time in my life; I had no one to talk to, I was an emotional mess. I felt completely alone, like I was the only one going through my misery. There was literally no one else in the world ANYWHERE, who felt like I did, so I was certain no one would understand. Everyone around me had a perfect life and they had no issues. Their lives were perfect. My body was changing and I was totally insecure. For the first time in my life, I looked around and realized we are all so different. Or rather, I was different from everyone else.

Ever look around and feel that way?

The bottom line is, no matter how much I worry, I cannot change the fact that my child is going into middle school, and freaking her out about it is not doing anyone any good.

And the bottom line is, though it is a little about her going to middle school...it is more that she is growing older and will be growing away from me and into her own world. She will start spreading her wings and her independence will grow.

This is a good thing. This is where we realize how strong she is based on the choices she will make. And I know she will make good choices. She will make bad ones too. We all do. But we will be there for her to pick her up and dust her off. And send her right back out.

Yesterday was just a glimpse for her. She saw friends and gave hugs and got her new schedule. She was with two of her friends. We all walked around the school and got acquainted. And then we got her books. Wow....they were huge. Or they just looked that way because she is so small. 3 of us took a few books for her. Not sure she could actually carry them all. Thank God for lockers.

They decided where they would meet at lunch, and where they would meet after school so they could all walk together. The mysterious veil is slowly being lifted. This was good.

I will work to stop projecting MY fears onto her and let her live her OWN experience. She is not me. She is so very different. Her level of confidence surpasses my own. She has a lot more accomplishments under her belt than I did at that age.

Somehow I think on her first day of school, she will be comforting ME!

But, I am okay with that. I'll take it!

Happy Thursday