Ps I love you

Last night we hunkered down to a movie. We watched P.S. I Love You. If you haven't seen the movie and want to watch it, stop here.

it's a movie where a girls husband dies, but somehow, she is getting letters and presents from him, posthumously.

I have seen this movie a number of times, I love Gerard Butler, he is adorable. And Hilary Swank does a good job of being the widow, going through her range of emotions after his death.

There are many things I connect with on this movie. I was particularly emotional last night, and so I cried a bit. The only problem was, the kids didn't understand why.

After the movie was over, I was in tears. When I looked down Aspen was teary. I asked her why, and she said, "When you cry, I cry.". I felt bad, because I was pretty blubbery with this movie. She asked me when we were in bed, "Why did you cry so much?"

I told her the movie was a huge range of emotions, but just because I was crying at the movie, it didn't mean that I am sad (per se), rather that I connected to the movie and I was really into it. I told her that great movies will suck you in like that.

I explained that when he died he planned these adventures, so he had to be thinking about what he wanted for her after he died. And how when the three girls were in the boat, and the two had big news of being pregnant and getting married that I could totally relate to that because when I had a miscarriage before Aspen was born, I didn't want to hear any good news from anyone because I couldn't see the future for myself, as I felt like my life wasn't going forward.

And at the end, when it was found out who was sending the letters....it was such a sacrifice and it made me cry again. ( I can't bring myself to say it in case you haven't seen the movie).

I explained to her that adults feel much more deeply because they have had more life experiences to draw on. And it is actually really nice for her to be a kid, because she doesn't have to understand the pain that Holly was going through.

Sometimes as an adult, you forget how your actions affect your kids. I was sad for Aspen last night, because she was a bit confused at my emotions. She just knew I was sad, and that bothered her.

I remember feeling the same way as a kid with my mom. When her dad died, she was a mess, and I remember her scrambling to pack to go back to Pennsylvania. I can still feel my uncertain emotions while watching her. Somehow that never leaves you.

I miss the innocence of childhood. It is such a true blessing to be unaware of life's trials and devastations.

I kissed my sweet little princess and set her off to sleep. My heart swelled for her.

As I went to sleep, I thought about the movie and how many levels I can connect to it. My heart was a bit heavy for Holly, but in the end, I was filled with hope of the future for her.


Happy Tuesday