Oy vey on my way

Okay, so I can barely breathe this morning and to fight with a new blog at doesn't want to participate is not on my schedule.  I swear I want to blame the internet, but I seriously think I have some chemical reaction with electronics.
You may laugh, but I'm totally not kidding.

I seem to be the only one who HATES her Iphone, because of all the malfunctions and dropped calls.  My husband SWEARS he doesn't have half the problems I do (thanks for the support babe) and I'm left scratching my head in total frustration!!!

Years ago, I got a gift from an old boyfriend.  It was a BIG gift; a $400 Bulova watch.  It was a small and delicate looking watch that was beautiful.  Within days on my wrist, the watch stopped working.  I took it back and asked for a replacement; he said they would 'fix' it.  So they did....supposedly.

Within a few days I was back in the store asking what the heck?  I told him my grandfather had this same issue with watches; could it be my body kills watches?  The guy dismissed me before I even finished my sentence.  I asked for a refund and he said they don't refund, but they will empty the guts of the watch and start over.  A week later,  I went back during my lunch hour, to pick up the watch.  And by the time I got back to my office, the watch stopped working.

I simply went back to the store and looked at the guy, who didn't even acknowledge me; he simply looked at his co worker and said, "Give her a refund".

So, though you may think I'm joking with this stuff, I am clearly not.

But the problem is, I don't have time to mess with it either!! 

I'm leaving for Vegas in less than an hour and I'm very nervous about this journey.  I have overpacked and probably forgot something simple like my toothbrush (which I just now remembered, thank you).
It's only for one night, but I am so excited for my very humble friend to walk the red carpet.  I want to make sure to capture his journey.
He hasn't told many people about it, because he is actually quite private.  But I told him today that I will be revealing his face, because he deserves all the recognition he can get.

Just yesterday as I was at the studio, he had a film guy following him around documenting him.  Yet he's still pretty shy about it.

I totally get that, because in crowds, I get overwhelmed and flustered and usually start crying.  He's sensitive in much the same way.

But, my dear Mookie; you deserve these great moments as you are a great man.  And I am grateful that I get to be on the Red Carpet documenting this amazing day for you.

It's going to be a great day of celebration and I know this is just the beginning for you!!!!!  I know I speak on behalf of all the MVDPAC family (and there are a LOT of us).  We LOVE YOU and are SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!  (You DID say I could tell people, right???)

Happy Thursday!

Uncontrolled laughter

Oh my goodness..... I just laughed so hard that my whole lower abdominal area is sore!!!  Have you ever done that?

There are too few times that I laugh that hard and can't control myself.  Unfortunately, it usually happens at church.  I'm not proud of this fact; and when I meet God I will likely ask him what is so enticing about laughing when you aren't supposed to.  But until then I will do my best to maintain my composure.......

But sadly, it comes at the most inopportune times...... 

Many years ago (before marriage before children) a friends mother passed away.  It was very sad for my friend, but as I remembered, she didn't get along with her mom.  And as I didn't know her mother, I was simply there to support my friend.  So when we walked into the church we sat in the back.  It was me, my friend Kim (we should never sit together in church) my friend Tonia and Tonia's mom. 

As the service went on, everyone talked about what a loving kind woman this was....

Now, let me just say that I don't feel funerals are always an honest depiction of who people really were.  Because I have been to funerals of some really crabby nasty people and all that is ever said about them after they pass is how great they were.  So I tend to listen with a grain of salt....

I'm not trying to be insensitive, but as I sat in the service for my friends mom, I was trying to put the pieces together of this woman that my friend didn't totally get along with, and the woman they were all talking about.  So my mind was wandering to begin with.  And the service played on and on and on....

It played on so much that the little white haired lady in front of us started nodding off and lo and behold, started tipping over as if to fall onto the church pew into a lazy afternoon nap.

At this time, my friend Kim (who's not much bigger than a peanut) decides she was going to 'catch' this lady in front of us.  Only, in my mind at that time I started doing the calculations  of how this could be done without disturbing the rest of the service.  My eyes got big as I watched Kim's hands gesture towards this woman, and at the very second Kim looked like she was gonna go for it, the lady snapped out of it and woke back up.........

And that's all it took..... I burst into laughter, completely forgetting where I was or why I was there and as I tried to stop myself from laughing, I was doing my best to plot my escape.  Only I was wedged in the corner of the pew with no escape but to pass over my friend Tonia and her mother and the only problem with that was if I took my hands off my face; those around me would  know I was laughing instead of crying (which I was doing my absolute best to disguise myself). 

I'm shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself as I write, but the bottom line is there is nothing you can do with my mind when it gets quiet. 

If you follow my blog at all, you know I'm always in my head making up stories to sounds and filling in the blanks with make believe stories to pass the time.  It should be no surprise that I can't control myself in a funeral.....

And the history between Kim and I?  Let's just say there aren't very many serious moments.  This was a recipe for disaster from the get go....She was laughing just as hard as me.

My friend Tonia was onto us.  She looked over with complete disgust.  She knew we were a lost cause and didn't bother to yell at us in the service.  And when Tonia's mother leaned over and asked, "Are they okay?"  Tonia simply stated without flinching..."They're fine".  I'm guessing (or rather hoping) that her mother bought into our "sob" story and didn't realize the truth!  (God is good).

After the service, Tonia fired us from the "support" club.  Kim and I bowed our heads.  Sad for our inability to control ourselves - but maybe also a little grateful.  We aren't old enough to control ourselves yet.

I tell you this not because I'm proud of it.  But because I can't be trusted.  I burst out into random acts all the time and I don't know why.

One morning I was at home and one of the carpool kids came up to our house to wait with Aspen for carpool.  She did this every morning.  And when she got to the door, she would ring the doorbell.   One morning as she walked up to the door, I screamed from inside the house, "DON'T RING THE DOORBELL!!!!!"  She stood there and paused, not knowing what to do.  Then very lightly she knocked on the door.   In a completely improved moment, Aspen opened the door so only her face would poke through she simply said, "Shhhhhh" and shut the door on her friends face.

We burst out laughing so hard!!! 

I honestly don't know where it comes from and I don't know how to stop it, so please don't ask me.
Just be warned that I'm not always appropriate and I can't always control myself.  So if you can't deal with it; just be prepared to forgive me a bunch of times.  I YAM who I YAM....... 

Happy Thursday

There's an App for that!

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday.......

I'm looking for new ideas.  I'm trying to switch it up a bit. My old system of remember stuff isn't working, so this morning I Googled "Time Management". 

I remember years ago I got a book; "Time Management for Unmanageable People".  I think it was a "gift".  But how do you say Thank You to someone who is basically insulting you.

That said, the book was awesome.  It was totally for Right Brainers like myself!  (For those who don't know, I'm left handed).  

Although I would like to totally buy into the Left Handed Artsy-scattered thing, I have a friend who is left hand and uses both sides of her brain. Though I would like to think she is an anomaly, I have a feeling I'm just a cliche left handed person.  You know....like the "Blond" cliches.....

But I digress......

The book was actually very helpful and I really enjoyed it.  As I'm a visual person, the pictures were great. But as with anything, it's been years since I have put the book into practice and therefore time to re-vamp.

This morning on Google I found a couple of fun App suggestions.   Every time I find a new App, I laugh and here someone saying, 'Ya...there's an APP for that too!"

I'm here to tell you; it's true!!  There is an App for that and that and that!!

The problem is, sometimes I forget I downloaded them, or I am not sure how to use them, or best yet, I wasted a bunch of time learning it only to 'learn' it wasn't the right app for me.  So now, it's wasted space on my phone.

As I write, there is only one tried and true thing for helping me to remember.....  Sharpie on my hand.  Right now, there is 11 and 3 on my hand and that is to remind me of the two meetings I have that I can't forget!

I don't have "Siri" and I don't have a calendar that I stare at every day, so I write the necessary (I'm afraid I'll forget) items on my hand and go from there. 

Sad I know..  But if it ain't broke; don't fix it!!!!

But that said, I never give up trying.  So this morning when I found the Apps, I decided to give them a try.

One is Epic Win.  It's a game related chore list.  You get points for every task completed.  And though I'm NOT a gamester, I got to choose an avatar called "Warrior Priestess".  Now, how can you go wrong with that???  I'm feeling energetic and powerful already!!!

I typed in my first task which is the highest priority for me to finish.  As it is the first and most important task; it gives me 300 points if I finish.

The second App I downloaded is ReQall.  It's supposed to be like "Siri" I suppose.  I've already issued my first reminder and it's been 'typing what I said' for over a minute now.  Either I didn't speak clearly enough, or some aged and blind person is hunting and pecking on an old IBM Selectric.    It's not looking good this far; will have to keep you posted!!!

My biggest problem is I'm like a dog.  Dog's never progress mentally over 2 years old.  They can be trained to do things, but they will always get distracted by what's around them....you know....like a squirrel or something!!!

Not to say I'm a dog.  I'm not putting myself down per se; I'm just very aware how easily I get distracted.  So if I can find something fun to keep me on task, then I say go for it.

I actually think the first app would be fun for the kids to play.  It looks easy enough for them to set up and if they get 300 points for putting away their clothes, don't you think they would be a little more apt to participate?  And if it works on the kids then what about the husband??  How many points might entice him to put the toilet seat down?  (Well, okay, mine does that but some don't!)

Anyway, you see my point.  Life is full of mucky things to get done.  If there is an app to make it a little more fun and help keep focus, then I'm all in!!

I guess I'll let you know how it goes.  But if I have to spend more than 5 minutes setting it up - it will end up in my pile of useless apps on my phone wasting space and precious time for every time I have to 'thumb' over it!

Life's a journey.  You gotta take a couple of chances.  Today is my day!!!

Happy Wednesday!

Weather and such

I'm sitting here with a blanket on my lap as I write.  What a strong contrast to just a few short days ago where the air was so stagnant and hot I could barely breathe. 

Last night, instead of the air conditioner; I opened the window for cool air. 

I don't know why the turn in the weather.  It was scheduled for 90s this week.  But to be honest, I don't really care, because I'm LOVING it!!!!!

I don't want to get my hopes up and say Fall is coming; but I sure love the feeling of a chill in the air.

I do love summer, but only for the fact that it's a free and fun time and the girls have school off.  I love warm summer nights and I love sitting by the beach listening to the waves.

But cooler weather is way more comfortable to me.

There were a LOT of opinions on the hot weather we were having.  It was a LOT of days of hot and yucky weather.

I laughed the other day, because as I was doing carpool I was talking to the boys and one of them said that soccer was canceled in the afternoon.  I understand why; the weather was awful.  But I asked the boy, "Do you think they cancel their soccer tournaments in Arizona?"  He laughed and said, "You're right!"

I understand that here is different than there.  We are not used to the heat.  But the truth is; people live in all sorts of different weather and they survive.

When we have heatwaves here, we usually hear of some fragile, elderly person passing away from heatstroke. 

And last year, one of the boys in school was sent to the hospital from dehydration.

If you aren't taking care of yourself in the heat, you will be in trouble, that is for sure.

But I know thousands of elderly retire in Florida. And if you have ever been there with that oppressive humid heat, you know that what we were dealing with here is not unique, or even that bad as you look at the grander scale.

But such a change in weather, I think is more the issue. If you are used to drinking 6 waters a day and the heat changes drastically, 6 waters won't be enough.  And since you aren't sure how much you need to adjust; that could be a problem.

I think awareness is most important.  But most of us aren't aware how to adjust, so we just sit back and complain about the misery.

I complained too.  My AC wasn't working so great and I don't want to imagine what the electric bill will be when the month is up. 

Hopefully that is the end of the heatwave, but I'm not going to be too confident.  I will just love every day I have to throw a blanket on my lap.  And I will look forward to that fabulous smell in the air that October brings. 

Halloween is just around the corner.  Avery's already hitting me up for Costume Castle. 

That thought alone, gives me much to look forward to!

Happy Chillday!

You think your food choice doesn't matter?

Okay, so yes; I'm writing a second blog today.  Although, I'm gonna call it my first; because this mornings was more of a movie review.  And as this is MY blog....I can do what I want!!!

I noticed something this morning and I had to share.  I worked out with Heidi at her boot camp as I have been doing the last few weeks.  As I'm still dealing with stomach issues, because I'm just too stupid to do what I need to do, I have been getting better with my food choices but I still have a ways to go.

Life is a journey.   It's about doing something, seeing if it works, and if it doesn't - then you tweak it until it does.  I have been much better about not having coffee and I dare say, I left the house this morning without a stitch of caffeine in my system.  And I'm still awake.  I will call that a bravo!

But this morning, when I got up, I REALLY wanted cereal for breakfast.  Now, here is my problem with cereal.....  It's REALLY hard for me to control how much I eat, because I always want either a REALLY big bowl, or I go for two smaller bowls. (Thinking I can get by on the first but always pour myself more).  Am I the only one who does this????

I know it's stupid.  But I do it repeatedly.  THIS is the part that is a journey for me.  Because in the last week, I have been better about having a smoothie and I have FELT better because of it!

But this morning's decision weighed heavy on me.  Literally!!!!

I went to Heidi's boot camp and I told her going in, that I was gonna go easy on myself, because I didn't want to lose my breakfast.  She is a kind soul and didn't counsel me; which is why I always go back.

What I noticed, is not only does my body no process cereal well; but it makes working out THAT much harder!!!

On Friday, when I had a smoothie, I was bouncing on the broad jumps.  I even caught up to my friend and pinched her butt to let her know I caught her.

This morning, I couldn't catch a snail! 

What a serious difference.

Now, for me to make a better decision on Wednesday, when I workout again - I need to remember this awful feeling!!!

I'm not saying I can't have cereal ever again.  But I need to realize it is NOT good workout food for me.  And the fact that I can't seem to control my portions is a bit of an issue too.

My goal right now is to become healthier and feel like I did when I turned 40.  I was at the top of my game!!  I was running at least 3 days a week (usually 5 miles) and strength training 2 days a week. 

I'm already seeing a difference in my body; and at one point, when we were doing fence runs, I could feel that I was becoming more powerful.  But I was so overly focused on not losing my breakfast, that I'm sure I cheated myself at least 30% of effort (and an hour of my time) suffering through the workout.

If you don't think food matters, think again!!!  Food IS fuel!!  And if you wouldn't put sand in your gas tank....you might think twice before working out on Cinnamon Life.  Better served as a dessert than a breakfast.

But maybe that's just my opinion!!

Happy Monday (squared)

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Last night I watched a movie; Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. 

I remember when the movie came out in the theater.  I refused to watch it.
I was invited to go to the movie, but I turned it down.  It was going to be a sad movie about 9-11 and I wasn't in a place in my life where I wanted to sit for 2 hours and cry.

But for some reason, last night I saw it was on, and I decided to hunker down.

The movie wasn't exactly as I expected.  It was a variety of many things.  It was actually quite complex.

The movie started out with the dad who had died; and they flashed back to him.  The son was 11 years old and uber bright.  His dad seemed to be the one and only person who could connect with him completely.  The portrayal of their relationship brought me to tears.  It takes a special kind of parent and some serious ingenuity to create a relationship like they had.

After his dad dies in the World Trade Center, the son finds a key.  His journey in the movie is to find the meaning of the key and figure out what it opens.

Along the way, he meets many people; but his journey is what is so interesting.  His dad's purpose, when he was alive, was to help the boy come out of his shell and confront his fears.  This journey of the key was made possible by the steps his dad took when he was alive.

I don't want to give it all away, but I have to comment on how emotionally complex this movie was.  I was trying to figure out the 'story' of each character.  I was really drawn in.

This boy was clearly special.  He was extremely talented and inquisitive.  His mother did her best to pick up the pieces of their lives, but as she was going through her own grief, and because the boy was so special, she didn't have the same means as the father and it was quite a struggle.

It's hard to find a movie that makes you laugh and cry at the same time.  The last movie I found doing that was Steel Magnolias in the scene at the cemetery and the mother went crazy for a moment.  And then her friends brought her back to reality by offering Weeza up to hit. 

This movie made me think and reflect.  It hurt my heart and lifted my spirits.  It was beautifully written and though not all will connect as deeply as I did with the movie, I do believe the characters were easily able to identify with.

I'm not trying to convince anyone to see the movie.  I just think it's rare to find the unique blend of a good story, complex characters and a movie that leaves you thinking about it after it ends.

I really loved the boy.  It took me a bit to connect with him, but boy, once I did, I was in. 

I recorded it and I think I might watch it with the girls.  Though it's a complex story, I think it's a story that should be shared.  I'm sure much of it will go way over their heads, but that's okay.  Any movie night other than Disney at this point will be fine by me!

Happy Monday!

Morning Shpilkes

I think I need to start setting my clock to 5:30 and have a list ready to get accomplished, because I swear, I'm way more productive in the first hour of my day than any other?  There could seriously be something to this!!

If I just didn't like my bed so much!

But this morning I got up blended my smoothing and saw the mounting pile of dishes.  I figure in the time I drink my smoothie, I can tackle this chore and be done with it.  Well, as it turns out; having four kids in the house, even for a short amount of time yields a fuller than full dishwasher; so there are a few more in the sink.  Why didn't I finish them you ask? Because my smoothie was getting warm and I have other things to do.  Besides; the girls need to take a little accountability for the fun they had, and unbeknownst to them, they will be doing dishes later.  :)

You will be happy to know that a week later, you can still see the floor in their room and they are loving it!  I'm so glad I took those two days to power through it.

I swear, it got me thinking about the rest of the house and I'm feeling more task-oriented, which is a Godsend!!!  It's amazing how one big completed task can give clarity to smaller tasks.

It's kind of the same for losing weight.  When I think back on it, it seemed an impossible task.  But in truth, it was just a bunch of little changes that I made over and over again until they became part of my life.  And though  I still struggle with my weight (because I ADORE food and cooking and baking), the basics of the weight loss is there; exercise, evaluating and making better choices and knowing that the better choice will make me feel better in the end!).

And when I look back and see how far I came, I realized that persistence was the main ingredient.  NOT perfection. 

So today, when I head off to my busy day (three photo shoots that I'm really excited about), I will have peace of mind knowing that my early morning "Shpilkes" as mom calls it, will let me come home to clean dishes. 

Kind of like working out.  Nothing you LOVE to do, but something you are ALWAYS glad you did!!!

Sometimes you have to look ahead a bit when making a decision.  It's the light at the end of the tunnel!!  Most people dont' LOVE working, but they sure love their paychecks.  And they do a good job so they can continue to get paid. 

Think a few steps ahead - get the task done and revel in your accomplishment.  Who doesn't want to feel good about what they have done??

Happy Sunday!

Kids and the like

I'm sitting at the table with 4 little girls who are devouring my coffee cake.   I love the conversations that happen when kids get together.  It's all random and full of laughter.  Each kid is trying to outdo the next so the conversation escalates and pretty soon they laugh even harder.

And I ask myself; why don't we do this more often?  Other peoples kids are so funny.  And I tend to like my kids more too, because they are actually converse. 

Usually, getting ANY conversation out of my kids is like pulling teeth.  I have to ask very specific questions and try to figure out what they are NOT saying and ask more questions to see if I can break the code.

I remember being a kid and NOT telling my parents stuff.  Oh...wait....  That was because they never asked. 

I remember when kids and parents didn't converse.  And I remember what the kids weren't telling their parents.  It was vast.....

Nowadays parents are in their kids every business.  So involved there's almost no breathing room.

It's hard having that delicate balance of giving space and keeping tabs. 

I have been talking to some parents who gave their kids freedom out of trust and then realized they should have kept a closer eye.

And I have talked to other parents who are fearful of disciplining their children for fear of pushing them away.

The bottom line is this;  we are "parents".  It's our job to monitor our kids.  It's our job to give them consequences.  It's our job to teach them right from wrong and let them know the ramifications of their choices.

It isn't a contest to see who can become their kids best friend and I know a lot of parents feel really guilty when they tell their kids "No" and feel bad about having to make parental decisions.

It's hard to not be 'friends' all the time.  But the truth is, when you are 'friends' with your kid, how seriously will they take you when you try to 'parent' them and guide them?

I know a lady who had a haunting look on her face as she explained it to me.

Some of the best things in life happened to me when my parents said "NO".  I asked my mom to cosign for a loan on a car a long time ago and she told me she didn't trust me.  I was so mad, I went out and got a credit card and started building my own credit and when it came time for me to buy a car ..... I had a PRE-Approved loan from my bank and I bought my first car on my very own!!

Because I was told NO.......

I think kids nowadays are a bit more aware of their parents and their lives because there is a lot more communication going on.  And I know when I have friends' kids over, I can tell how connected the parents are with the kids based on how well the kids interact with me.

I like kids of today.  They are respectful and full of personality.  And if they aren't, I have no problem talking to them about it to let them know what I'm willing to put up with.

So sitting at the table this morning was quite a "Gas" (as they say).  Because these kids are totally comfortable in their own skin and easy to be with.  And I know for a fact their mother has no problem correcting them if they stay out of line.  But I'm sure the kids never do!!  :)

Enjoy your kids.

Happy Saturday!

flying around

Up a little early this morning and not happy about it.  I HATE having so much flying through my mind that I can't sleep.  It's becoming a common occurrence lately.

It's not even 7 and I've already had breakfast and cleared the dishes from the dishwasher.  I mean, what else is there to do, right?

On the upside, as I'm sitting here, I'm actually a bit chilly.  That's a contrast to the stagnant air that has settled in my house every nite for the last few weeks.  I'm almost ready to grab a light blanket to warm me up!!  Who'da thunk???

This weather the last few weeks has been a real bummer.  But as I'm aware it can always be worse; we are getting by.

We are spoiled by our weather, aren't we?  It gets into the 90s and we cry heatwave.  But we are just spoiled by great weather most of the year.

As we go into the weekend, I hear the temps are revving up again.  I'm not looking forward to  it as I have photo shoots and I don't like to see people melting.  Hopefully we can make it quick and everyone will be happy.

It's been busy lately, which is good.  The holidays are coming up and  people are preparing for their holiday cards.

Can you believe we are 'there' already???

I walked into Pier One Imports last week and was nearly hit in the face with all the Halloween stuff.  I haven't even thought about what I want to be yet and they are already for the season.  YIKES...

And on the coattails of that is Thanksgiving and then, (Gulp), Christmas. 

I'm already NOT looking forward to it all.  I'm overwhelmed with day to day life enough without adding extra 'stuff'.....  But what can ya do??

Life is just going way too fast.  It's hard to absorb the moments without distraction.  And with all the gadgets we have I think that has further distracted me from the present.

Have you ever snuck into your kids room at night and just watched them sleep.  I do that sometimes.  I want to bottle up that moment and keep it with me.  But I can't.  And as my memory sucks I can pretty much say the moment is gone. 

But when I see the kids sleeping, in peace, it makes me so happy and content.

I do try to get that feeling often, but it's becoming more and more elusive and it makes me sad.

I feel my days are so full of busywork that I can't breathe.  Over the summer I think I got one day at the beach.  ONE DAY!!!  Seriously? 

It's that getting pulled in a million different directions called life.

I kind of laugh when my kids don't 'want' to pick up around the house, or they don't 'want' to do their homework.  If I could live my life based on my 'wants', I would be so happy.

But my theory is this; if you can't always get what you want...you can at least spend your days adding a little contentment, even if it's only sneaking into your kids room to see them at peace.

Now with that said, I need to go upstairs and YELL them out of bed, because they haven't moved yet and they are running late.

Happy Friday!

Purging

What do you do with all the 'stuff' you have no place for?  Do you purge it?  Donate it? Or store it?

And if you store it, do you give it a timeline or just revisit it every few years and say, 'Ya I'm keeping it just a little longer!"

And if so, then what is your reasoning?

I know for me I feel connected to some of my 'stuff'.  But if I'm so connected, wouldn't I find a purpose for my stuff instead of just dumping it in my garage or in the back of a closet???

It's a constant battle. 

More often than not for me, is out of sight - out of mind.  Once I put it away somewhere it doesn't exist anymore until I am force to revisit it down the road.

I believe this is how Hoarding starts.  Ans sometimes I feel like I'm encroaching on the lifestyle.  But then I look around and realize a lot of it is not my stuff.  And I'm not the only one who doesn't 'deal' with their stuff.  But I am the one who makes the executive decision, so that puts a little pressure on me. 

Recently when we went through the girls' room, I decided to make sure every single item in their room had a 'home' to go to.  Whether is was a piece of paper, or a paperclip or clothing; it had to fit somewhere in their room or it was going out.  Keep Toss or Donate!

It took two full days to go through their room, but the results were well worth the time!!  Their room is free and clear of unnecessary 'stuff' and they now know where everything goes.  But I realized, they had some of my disease in not comprehending where to put everything.

We are such a 'STUFF' society.  Sometimes it feels like a contest for who can have the most 'STUFF'. 

The problem with our 'stuff' is that many people look at it as though "IT" will make them happy.  When in truth, if someone was devoid of emotion, no one thing will make them happy.  THEY have to make themselves happy.

But as we all get more clogged with the latest and greatest, we have so many diversions, that to actually take the time to look at ourselves becomes near impossible.  So we don't.

Thankfully, in my girls' case; they were happy to get rid of the clutter.  It was all so overwhelming that they couldn't focus.  I know how that feels!! 

After going through their room, I realized how much I have been ignoring my own 'stuff' and it all needs to be addressed.  And my goal is if I can't do it all at once, I will do a little at a time until it's all done and gone.

It's a process that starts small.  But as you continue with it, you build momentum and it gets easier and easier. 

I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, or at the very least, I have a vision of how things will go.  And to be honest, if you know me....then you know that's a big stretch.

Just one piece at a time.

Happy Thursday!

Sense of purpose

Have you ever felt pulled to something over and over again?  You try to ignore it, but eventually you are there again???

Last night I was messing around with my dog.  She is a bit of a nut. But one thing she absolutely LOVES....is to 'find' you! 

If you bury yourself in a blanket and call her name; she will dig and dig until she finds the slightest crevice or crack in the blanket - and she will burrow her way in and lick your face in victory!  It's the cutest and most annoying thing ever!!  (Only because I don't like being licked by dogs). 

Well, last night, as I lay on the floor, I was face down, and burying my face in between my arms.  My dog went WILD trying to 'find' me.  And when she did - the look of contentment on her face was her victory.   Her sense of purpose - complete.

We didn't realize it when we got her, but she is a bird dog.  In Japan, they had Shiba Inu "Bush Dogs" to go into bushes and unbury they 'kill', aka birds. 

This instinct is so inbred in my dog; that a simple blanket can serve as a bush...and your face - the bird!

We think it is the funniest thing.  Chris will grab the girls and hide under the biggest blanket we have and call her out in the house, no matter where she is.  If she hears her name being called; and she doesn't see you....she will 'find' you at any expense.

Playing with her last night, kind of got me thinking about my own purpose.    As yesterday was 9-11; I watched a show about a man who was unburied from the rubble of the Twin Towers.  Somehow in the collapse of the building - he survived a 15 story drop with minor injuries.  The situation was miraculous.  But his understanding of it wasn't. 

He was ridden with survivors guilt.  He wondered why HE was chosen to live, while so many perished. 

In all our minds, I honestly believe we aren't expected to 'know' the answer.  But it is our job to 'find' the answer.

Some are automatically driven in life.  They know what they want.  Maybe they were born with natural GPS systems. 

But for many of us; we aren't sure.  So it's more of a journey. 

My honest belief in life is we are all here for a reason.  I look for reason all the time. 

The best I can tell about myself is I want people to know they are not alone.  So I write every awful detail of my life so someone - ANYONE can relate and feel a sense of camaraderie.  And what I have found is I'm kind of rare.  Most people are content concealing bits and pieces of themselves out of preservation or fear.  And I'm okay with that.  Sometimes I wish I had a closet to hide in.  But I don't.  I share and over share until it makes people uncomfortable.

But not everyone is built that way. 

Everyone has their own special gifts.  Their reasons for being.

Just as my dog feels the innate need to 'unbury' me - we all have something that is uniquely ours.

I have always had the desire to write.  It comes easy to me - but I never did it, because I didn't feel I had every journalistic detail down. From about the age of 12, I had the feeling I would write a book about my experiences in life.  But I was 'lacking' so to speak, and so I never followed through. 

Finally, just over a year ago, I decided to throw my thoughts onto a blog and let 'er rip.  Throw caution to the wind and say what's on my mind.

Is it the book I always dreamed of?  No... not even close.  But once I let go of my 'perfect' expectations; I never looked back.  I have written over 550 blog entries.  And the response has been better than I ever imagined.

I finally let go of the perfect scenario and did what was in my heart. 

I'm no Erma Bombeck.  But the result has been most beneficial to me as a human being, because my ability to sift things in my mind has become much easier.  And the camaraderie has been amazing.

Sometimes things don't turn out like we expect.  But if you truly take the time to listen to your soul and respond to its desires.... the benefits outweigh the risks.

Life isn't perfect.  It's a journey.

Happy Wednesday!!!

Who said what?

Have you ever been knocked down by someone around you?  And your belief in yourself was diminished because of it?

Why do we need the approval of another to accomplish what we feel in our souls?

If you have ever stopped and listened to the stories of the down and out; you likely heard that 'someone', 'once upon a time' was told  that they would never amount to anything!!!

Sound familiar?

I'm sure we have all heard it at one time or another.

When I was a kid, I was fascinated with the stars.  They were so awesome, I could stare at them for years.  I told my mom I wanted to be an astronomer.  Her response was simply this: "Leave the stars in the sky where they belong".

Then, a few years later, I mentioned to my dad that I wanted to be an actress.  (and if you know how dramatic I am, you KNOW this was a perfect fit for me).  His response was simple: "You couldn't stand the rejection".

So I ditched both desires in my life.

Now, who honestly knows how serious I was to be an astronomer, or an actress at such a young age.  All I know is, I'm still fascinated by the stars, and I'm still as dramatic as ever!!!!  My emotional range is OFF THE CHARTS!!!

But I sometimes wonder....  If my mother decided to go out and get me a book on constellations.....  would that foster or deteriorate my desire for the stars?

And if my dad stuck me in a few acting classes..... would I be on movie screens, if even only once???  In the background?  As an EXTRA???

Truth is; we will never know.  Because in my underdeveloped belief system, I was told to 'let it go', and so I did.

And I'm not writing this to throw my parents under the bus; because if truth be told, constellations confuse the heck out of me.  And if someone told me "NO" for a part, I may have partaken in illegal drug activity to cope.  So I do believe I am where I'm supposed to be.  And I'm sure they had no idea how their responses to me would shape my life.

But I do wonder....If I had the conviction for something so strong that I chose to NOT listen to those around me..... where would I be now?

I know I couldn't live without my friends and family.  And I do know that I rely on them for mental health checks to make sure I'm not losing my mind. 

But I think there is a balance between asking advice; and let it dictate your life.

I think if you feel something in your soul; you should go for it.  But most of us don't let our emotions go that deep.

I do believe our lives and souls and desires do go that deep.  And if you let yourself go with it, even if only once in a while.... you will find a sense of peace and contentment.

So don't put all your beliefs into the hands of another.  All they have is an opinion...  and that and a nickel will get you almost nothing......

Happy Tuesday

I got sumthin'!!!!

Okay, so I had some realizations today and I had to write another blog entry.

Most of us are trying to get back on track this time of year.  It's hard, I know.  But so is being fat and lazy. 

So I dropped the kids off at school and ran into one of the moms who said, "Are you going to workout at Heidi's today?"  And though I was planning on it, I always realize I'm one excuse from not going.  And that excuse could  be as simple as, "I have to pee". 

But because I faced this woman and said "YES", I'm now accountable to another body.  And she is a fit adorable woman.  But I also know she is pretty close to me in that one excuse away from not going. 

So now, we are both accountable to each other and we both showed up; even though I was a few minutes late (which could have easily been the excuse I was looking for).

When I get there, I'm met with familiar faces.  I have been to Heidi maybe once this whole summer.  As I had kids every day, they were my excuse for not going.   (do you see a pattern here?)

As I was working out we were talking about people who hadn't shown up in a while.   One of my friends being one of them.  And I realized that when you start working out and meeting people,  you are creating this new community for yourself.  It's out of your comfort zone at first, but then it becomes the 'norm' and then it becomes part of your life.  And when you don't show up, you are literally missed by those around you!

Have you ever seen a really overweight person hanging out with a group of super fit (like zero body fat) people???  HARDLY!!!!  And if you did, it was a visiting relative who had nowhere else to go and no car to get there!

It's quite a leap from Fat to Fit.  I've been there, trust me!!!  When I initially started working out, I hid in the back of the class, not wanting anyone to see me but feeling like everyone was staring!! 

And as I got more fit, I started moving to the front of the class so I could actually SEE myself working out to make sure I'm doing it correctly. 

And what started out driving me to the gym - the desire to lose weight - became more of a craving than anything else. 

But what happened through all of it was I created this community of people who will call me out if I end up missing too much.  These are my people now.  Familiar faces and part of my day.

This morning when I was working out, I realized how fit I was compared to some of these people.  Though I would like to call myself completely out of shape; I'm reminded that I'm still very strong and that my years of exercise didn't go away in just a few short months.

But what really hit me today, was at the end of the class as we were all on the ground stretched out for cool down, I looked down the row of women in the class.  Yes we were all doing the same stretch; but what I saw on their faces was contentment.  We were done.  I was lined up with five other women and every one of them had their face in the same direction, with their eyes closed - and I knew EXACTLY how they felt, because I had that same look on my face.

I almost burst out laughing, because I was reminded how we always think we are alone.  But in this moment, we were all one.  It was a really great feeling. 

And I give us all kudos; because it was sweltering today and we all left dripping.  The fact that we stayed through the misery earned us extra points!!

Working out is a commitment to your body.  But it's also a major benefit to your mind and soul.  And why we choose to excuse ourselves from it is beyond me.  But as long as I have those women's faces in my mind,  I will always be pulled towards making the right choice!!

And that's not nuthin'!!!!

Happy Monday!!

Nuthin'

This morning, I literally got nuthin'.  I'm starting my day out making bad choices simply because I want to.

I waited to get out of bed, because I wasn't in the mood.    If I didn't have carpool today, I would let the kids sleep in.

I woke up to Heidi and Frank (formerly Mark and Brian) and I'm wondering to myself how they EVER saw Heidi and Frank as an equal swap to Mark and Brian.  It's not even close. 

It's like they took a more mature show and turned it into a kids show.  I'm curious what their ratings are.  I'd be surprised if they maintained 50% of their listeners.  Or, if they just jumped at the opportunity to make this a 'younger' crowd.

So far, they have had two phone calls in from people saying, "I was SO surprised to see how much I LIKE you guys.  THANK YOU for coming to KLOS......" Yadda yadda Yadda.

I'm sure they are "plants" for the program.  But Whatever!!!

I was shocked to hear Mark and Brian retiring.  I listened to them for many years - let's just say back to the 80s.  So you can hopefully understand my hesitance to start over with another morning talk show.

Yes, I'm old.  I admit it.  I don't like change.

But I will have to get over and it and either accept it or shrivel up and die.

That is all I got this morning.

Happy Monday

Sweet 16

Last night I went to a sweet 16 party.  It was so sweet.  I love this girl and her family.  She was surprised with a car and I took pictures of the whole thing.  She was so embarrassed; it was unveiled in front of all the guests.  As I was standing on the back side of everything, I watched as she walked around to the back of the car and ducked down, as if to hide from the overwhelming emotions.  I was so touched by this, I started tearing up.

I've watched this girl grow for the last many years. She is a sweet and kind hearted girl who deserves the world.  So to see this gift unfold was amazing.

I love to witness things like this.  It reminds me of the good in the world.  That good things happen for good people.

I watched her play with all her friends in the pool; boys and girls, and I couldn't help but thing how things have changed, or are just so very different than the world I grew up in.

Kids are way more casual nowadays.  I was talking to the girls mom and she said it's so funny how when we were growing up, we were coiffed and made up most of the time.  But today, the girls, with their long flowing hair, rarely care to wear makeup (which is nice to be honest), and they usually shove their hair up in a half ponytail/bun when they leave for school in the morning as if they can't be bothered.

Boys and girls are more like brother sister relations; very casual and very comfortable with each other.

Maybe I just grew up differently.  But boys and girls were a little more separate from what I remember. (which to be honest isn't very much).

It's actually really nice to see these kids all hanging together as casual as can be; having a great time just being with each other.

I watched many in the pool, floating in inner tubes just messing around like kids. 

It was really fun to see.

But knowing this girl, it's not surprising that she is surrounded by so many.  And the parents of some of them were just hanging out as well, enjoying the time with the adults.

My parents never hung out with any of my friends parents.  It was all pretty separate.  I'm not even sure they met some of the parents.  Just didn't happen that way with our family.

Needless to say, we had a great time.  There was a photo booth there, and who can't have fun with that???

Oh to be sixteen again......

Actually.....maybe not.

Happy Sunday

Do it or not....it's your choice

Okay so, I hold true to my daily blog.  Until midnight hits, I'm good!!!

Yes, I'm late.  I woke up COMPLETELY at 6am.  And a little upset about it too, I might add.   WHO wakes up at 6am on a Saturday?  ME, that's who.

I have struggled with working out, because I have been slammed with 'stuff'.  So this morning when I had "SO" much energy, I decided to use that for the greater good and go for a walk/jog.

It's amazing to me that I know how good this feels and what great it does for me, yet the actual act of doing it has become SUCH a chore, that I disregard it.  And as a result, my body has changed and I don't like the way I look.

I lost 52lbs.  It took 20 months.  I practice my new lifestyle for the most part.  But exercise has "RE" become a chore.  And my heart is broken.

I do my best thinking when I exercise.  I feel so much better when I exercise.  My head is clearer when I exercise.  My anxiety is diminished when I exercise.  I have become strong because of exercise. 

So what happened????

I don't totally know.   But my sneaking suspicion is this.....  I took it for granted.......

I accomplished all the goals I set out for myself.  I transformed my body.  I felt amazing.  I did things I never thought I could accomplish.  And then.... I didn't know what else to do.

Do I really have to do this for the rest of my life???

Maybe the thought was overwhelming to me.  At one point I considered becoming an instructor.  But I quickly dismissed that.

Somewhere along the way I lost interest and motivation.  I figured it was all temporary and the feelings would come back.  But they never really did.  And now, many months later I struggle to get back on the road to run like I used to.

Some people seriously have the gene to do this.  They think it, and it is as good as done.  But me, I have to talk myself into it.  And trick myself into continuing it.

I literally took a spin class one time and for the first 20 minutes I was telling myself this class was a huge mistake.  I HATED it!!  But then after 20 minutes, I started getting in the rhythm.  And when the class ended just 30 minutes later, I was shocked it was 'already' over.  And when I realized how many calories I'd burned, I was on cloud nine!!!

I just have to realize this will always be a struggle for me.  But when I do it; all my systems feel better.  And I'm a better mom, wife and business person.  It truly affects everything.

I need to not look at the task....but rather, connect with the benefit.  I need to walk out my front door with the end result in mind.  That I will look and feel better all around.

I saw something today that struck me; Losing weight makes you look good in your clothes.  Exercising makes you look good NAKED!!!

I loved that!! I needed to hear that in just those terms. 

I chatted with a lady today who asked me if I start running again to call her.  She does better in a group.  I think that is true for many of us.  Finding your niche is super important.

So though I started my blog late today and most won't read it - this blog is written and dedicated to ME!! 

Happy Saturday

Who's in your head?

What would happen if you let NO ONE get into your head.

Do you ever stop to think how much others infiltrate your thoughts?  (Especially your parents, from childhood?)

As I was watching the Olympics, I saw the faces of the competitors.  They were focused...but not necessarily unwavering.  There were many times I could see the competitors struggle a bit with their confidence.  And I couldn't help but wonder; Whose voice is going through your mind???

We ALL have voices in our heads; voice of reason, voice of indulgence; voice of doubt......

Which do you succumb to most?

I know most of us are in our heads all the time.  My main voice is "fear".  I have anxiety and I worry about EVERY STINKIN' THING!!!!  And I really hate it.

I have a friend, and I know the voice in her head is "determination".  Because no matter what happens, she will push forward and succeed in anything she does.

And I know other people who are driven by "Paranoia".  They are afraid of what everyone thinks and base their decisions soley on the possibility of someone else's reaction.

We all do it to some level.  Some are more balanced than others.  But the reason I bring this up is; what IF we took ourselves and wiped the slate clean emotionally, and started from the ground up?  What if we just started projects with the end in mind and took the steps necessary without anticipating failure.  Rather looking only for success.

I know throughout my day, I am challenged by doubts.  And I think because of that, I allow myself to falter.  Almost make it happen.

Today I am going to start my day from scratch.  No doubts, no fears.  I'm just going to look at the tasks and erase the emotion.

Did you know, if we didn't have emotions to get in our way; we would be as brilliant as computers?  If you think about it, it makes sense.

Now, don't want to be a computer, per se.....I just want to be less doubtful and fearful. 

So, today, that will be my goal. 

Those voices have been in my head to long.  They need a little rearranging.  Fear is going in the back seat.

Hope your day is great!
Happy Friday

New Year....New paperwork

A mom's work is never done. 

Why is it the kids come to ME to fill out their paperwork?  What's wrong with their dad's hands?  Or even their own hands?  They are certainly old enough to put in the information THEY know and let me fill in the blanks.  That would be great!!!

But no; they INSIST it must be with my hand!  Have you ever seen my handwriting???  Chickenscratch!!! 

The worst part is; the schools stronghold the kids by offering them an INCENTIVE for turning it in quickly. So the urgency that comes running through the door with these stupid papers is more urgency than I get from my kid when I ask her to clean her room!

I feel bad for schools having to struggle so much.  But I'm tired of the pressure I feel when I am getting hammered by my kids. 

This year we got a "Suggested school supply" list, as if it was optional.  I actually thought about making it optional this year; but when Avery got ahold of it, it was calendared and the dates was set for the shopping day. 

"Optional"........

I can't wait to find out what our other 'options' are for the upcoming year.  Something we need to sell and if we earn $5,000 in products sales we get an eraser tip for our pencils that my kid will kill herself over??  Ohhh....let the fun begin.....

Yippee Skippee

All the hard work paid off....  The room is done.  It took 3 people 2 days.  We have a bunch of bags to donate and a bunch more to be thrown away.  The room looks lovely.

Now, it's not exactly as I envisioned.  Many changes happened along the way; namely the girls' opinions.  As I didn't have a concrete plan, we winged it all the way through.  I expected to put them on the same side of the room, but they wanted opposite sides.  My vision slipped away from there. 

I had two choices;  send them away and do what I wanted, or let them have input and a sense of pride in their room.  I chose the latter. 

I wanted to make sure, as we put their new little home together, that they had a place and a purpose for everything.  A place for everything; everything in its place.  And I dare say we achieved that.

I didn't take a before picture; I just didn't really think about it.  And to be honest, I was a little embarrassed, so it's better that way.  But those who know how much the room has changed KNOW it's a big difference.

And it is now, officially, the cleanest room in the house.  (shaking my head).

You gotta start somewhere, right?? 

Well, the tip of the iceberg has been seen and from here we will start digging deep. 

I almost laughed as I left their room.  As I admired all the hard work and the now beauty that I see, I turned around into the hallway and was almost taken out by a portable mattress.  And the rest of the fallout from the room was right next to it. 

Not exactly "Better Homes and Gardens" worthy, but, like I said, it's a start.

Bad habits have caused much chaos in this house.  "I'll get to it later" or "I'll be right back" turn into piles that never get looked at again.  EVER!!!!

As I went through the room with the girls I made sure that everything had a purpose and if it didn't have a use in the bedroom, it would be placed in its purposeful home. 

You would be surprised how one can find a reason for a barrette to be in the bedroom.  But the girls have their very own bathroom to share, where they get ready, and therefore I told them to keep the places separate.

It was the little stuff that took so long.

I know most of you have this down already and you are probably shaking your head wondering why it takes me so long to 'get it'.  Well......it just does.  And that is why this is a huge feat and why I let it take so long.  I just don't have the time to dedicate to these huge projects.  But when I do man.....it's totally worth it.

I invited my friend over last night and we sat and drank a glass of wine.....in the girls' room.  We turned on the lights of the Eiffel tower and chatted on the beds.  It was so nice to revel in the finality of it all. 

Next project.....clean the landing outside the girls room.

I'll get back to that.

Happy Wednesday

Clutter removal and finalization

I rolled the kids out of  bed early today.  No sleeping in; school starts tomorrow and we have a full day ready for us. 

After many MANY hours of work yesterday, we got about 2/3 done.  However, I feel like it's only half.  The little stuff is looming and that is the 'stuff' we have to "KEEP, TOSS, or DONATE". 

I'm not looking forward to the arguments on that stuff; I already had a couple conversations yesterday and as they weren't looking I made a few 'executive decisions'.  (let's call it mom's prerogative).

I'm anxious to get the decorations up, but they girls chose a different layout to the room, so my 'vision' has already been lost. 

I am not a decorator, designer or organizer.  I'm simply going through everything one piece at a time. 

Some people may have cleared out the whole room and started over.  But I don't work that way.  As I didn't have an initial plan, I more or less 'scooted' things around the room cleaning behind and in front of me as I go.  There are still pieces of flooring that haven't been vaccuumed as they haven't seen the light of day in about 2 years.  When I move those pieces of furniture, I will get to it, I promise.

The day started out rocky.  No one wanted to help and 'someone' was having meltdowns every two minutes.  It was pretty grueling.  I know some of that was still fallout from two consecutive sleepovers. 

We were supposed to go to the beach and hang out with friends, but this job was HUGE and needed to get done.  And as I was already at least a day behind, I didn't have a choice in this one.

Tensions finally mounted about 1:30 and then all of a sudden, everything started falling into place.  I pulled out the spackle and paint to patch the walls and all of a sudden I had a captive audience.  Who knew? 

My initial idea for the design was to have the two beds on one side of the room; and their dressers on the other.  After much deliberation, we ended up with the beds on opposite and diagonal sides from each other.  They both liked the idea and I wasn't about to argue.  I was happy we got that far.

My goal in all of this was to purge the little stuff that gets in their way and take them back to basics.  If it doesn't fit in their dresser, they don't need it.  (Aside from a few dresses, jackets and sweatshirts being hung.

Their room got way to cluttered and they couldn't find anything.  So I'm taking the 'anything' away and going from there.

They have hooks for their backbacks and a lot more open space in their room. 

I am bound and determined to get this year off on the right foot.

I will hopefully have pictures to follow.

Happy Tuesday!

Redecorating with no skills

We definitely paid the price for the girls having two sleepovers.  They did NOT want to wake up and they slept most of the day away.  And then last night had a hard time going to sleep.  It was just like when we go to Norway.  Their bodies are confused and won't cooperate. 

Well, normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this; but I am working on rearranging their room and it's really difficult to do when there are bodies in there. 

I should have thrown the bodies on my bed, but I really wanted them to help out on this one.  So I did the side projects for the room - painting the Eiffel tower and putting lights in it, and painting the other items that will go up on the wall.

My fear in redecorating is, I have no vision, so  I am flying by the seat of my pants.  I have ideas, but I don't really measure to see if it will work and I'm not totally sure what is going to happen with the extra furniture from there room. 

The girls have too much stuff.  It's all clutter.  They get that from me.  It's a huge regret.

I saw a friend a long time ago and I watched her kids dig through the crap in their room and I thought, "Wow....my kids will never live like that".  And though it's not "that" bad, it's bad enough and time to change. 

As they get older and their lives more complicated, I feel it is important to simplify as much as possible.  The complicated part is I'm not simple.  So this is a struggle from the get go. 

I'm thinking I need to go and tour IKEA to see how they put their stuff together.  Or fly my sister and niece out here.  They'd have it all done in a day.  God, I wish I had that gene!!!

I blog about it all the time, and I'm still wear I was.  Such a bummer!

I'm not going to dwell on it too much.  My ideas are to separate the two so they have their own unique space and we will go from there.  But first I need to be mean mommy and go wake them up.  I'm not going to have another day of bodies in my way.  If I have anything to do with it, they will be involved all the way through.

And hopefully, by the end of the day we will we will have  a good, simple result with a Parisian flair.

I guess I'll keep you posted.  Hopefully, with pictures!!! 

Happy Monday!

Up All Night

So my girls have had quite the weekend.... and we will be paying for it for days......j

It's 1:35 and we had to force them to get up a half hour ago.
I would have let them sleep all day, but then they would be up all night.  So, now they are two crabby monsters who aren't worth a lick for the rest of the day.  Yay me!!  I had a project I have been wanting to get started on, in their room - and it's hard to get started when there are bodies in there. 

Now; half the day is gone and we have plans at 4pm, so the day is basically wasted.......

But that's okay.  It's the end of summer; they had not one, but TWO sleepover parties this weekend.  What a way to send off the summer, right?  So my project has to wait another day.

As it is, I'm already up more than I thought.  My little  bro came over for breakfast and I asked him a question about a light; and the next thing you know the light is fixed as well as the garage light (in front of our house which has NEVER worked; and a plumbing leak has been corrected!!! 

The boyz got skillz.........

He also helped wake up the girls.  They weren't going to do it for me.... 

Aspen was quiet, but woke up.  Avery....   Avery...... Avery......   Took some work.

She is so me when it comes to waking up.  If she doesn't want to do it's not going to get done.

After much effort; both girls are up; but it will be a fight to keep them up all day.  This is payback for letting them play.


But whatever.  Like I said; it's the last few days of summer; so maybe I will go take a nap myself!....


Happy Sunday

Good decisions

Labor Day Weekend; Can you believe it? 

How long ago were we making our New Years Resolutions and how long ago did we blow them off?

Well, now is a time I reflect on the summer.  I made a wise decision.

At the beginning of the summer, I had an awful Vertigo attack.  It scared the hell out of me.  I was in the middle of a big job and I had to finish it.  And I did.  With the help of MANY!

After that I decided to take time off and be with my kids and absorb them more.  After all, they are growing so quickly, my shelf life as a mom is going to run out soon.

Although; as I say this, I'm painfully aware that they need me more the older they get.  I know they will start pulling away; that's natural, but part of me thought they already would have started.

But I find that they almost seem more clingy, which is weird.

I can tell they are getting more attitude.  It comes out in the funniest ways.  Not funny to them, but funny to me.  Because I can see right through them.  Avery threw an attitude at me yesterday that got her cleaning my car by herself.  And as she had a birthday party attend; that party hung on the line based on her attitude - AND the completion of my car!  It got done without another word.

They can give me as much attitude as they want;  but I will always win.....

But I digress;  my message is about the time I took off and how I was able to spend it stress free with my children. 

I feel like a whole different person right now.  Not running around; not crazy - still have my  head on and I feel quite peaceful.

In years past, we took off from dance, because the additional schedule over the summer would have been too much.  But this summer, with my availability, I was able to say, "YES" and so they danced!!!

And it was nice to 'visit' with friends instead of slowing down to 5mph and throwing my kids out so I could get to the next.....  I got to reconnect and it was really nice!!!

I didn't see as many friends as I wanted; vacations and vacation schedules weren't matched up and so it wasn't to be.  I did get one afternoon though.......  Sometimes you gotta take what you can get!!!

This weekend is the International Street Fair in Orange.  Today we will run down there for just a little bit, and then head home for some organization before I send the girls off to another sleepover.  It's a crazy weekend.

But in a few days all the crazier stuff happens.  School, dance, etc.....  We have a lot of stuff planned an precious short time to do it. 

I'm thankful for this summer.  It meant a lot to me and the kids.  I got the summer to remind me how special they are and how much I adore them.

I heard being a mother is a full time job.  Unfortunately, I didn't 'get it' until I became a mother.

God Bless all the Moms out there!!!  (dad's...we'll get you another day).

Happy Saturday

Yay for Raw foods

So, it looks like the scale is going down.  What a strange phenomena.  In the past week, I have probably gone down 4 lbs.  There must be something to this raw foods thing, because I haven't been hungry and I have been eating about 60% raw foods.

I have been having a smoothie in the morning.  Today's included chard, watermelon, apple, banana, beets, dates and a handful of raw trail mix.  (I can't even fathom the calorie count).  I blend the whole food in my Nutribullet that I just got.  I bought it on a whim and I'm totally loving it.  (not trying to sound like an advertisement).

For lunch, I have been eating salads and the dressing is olive oil an apple cider vinegar.  But yesterday I had a panini sandwich with a fillet of white fish (Chris made) and a leaf of chard (which is VERY tough, I don't recommend it); tomatoes, a piece of cheese and avocado on a low calorie multi grain english muffin.  And dinner has been chicken soup with a big piece of cheese bread (a girls gotta enjoy stuff too). (oh...and I had a piece of my coffee cake.... poison control, you know).

I haven't had the chance to exercise lately, but I have been active.  But I'm still surprised to see the scale going down.  I honestly feel like I was eating less before I started doing this!!!

 I think that just goes to show that your body processes quicker and better with foods it recognizes.

Chris has been on his own little journey.  He's been working with an acupuncturist and doing what he's told.  He's not only lost weight, he looks so much healthier.  And I swear to you it's because he is eating "Real Food".

Losing weight is a journey.  But being healthy is another journey all together.  You can lose weight by cutting calories.  But you can feel better by making wiser choices.

Before we started this processed food revolution, we were forced to eat what we had.  And it didn't include Cheetos.

But somehow along they way, processed foods made their way in and we never looked back. 

Only now, with health issues being what they are for much of America....doesn't it make you wonder just a little bit?

Did you know that food companies meet with Dr.s to find out which foods are most addicting?  They know that some foods (like chocolate) set off the reward triggers in our brains and make us feel good.  And they formulate food based on RESEARCH!!!!!

There is a great book, "The End of Overeating" that has fascinating information in it.  It talks about the food industries and how they work to put out addictive foods.  It's an easy read if you are into it.

The bottom line is it comes down to education and determination.  We should all be making better choices to improve our health.  Don't take it for granted because you have good health.  Nurture it and take care of it for continued good health.

And yes, I'm preaching to myself as the rest of you!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Do it yourself?

I'm watching the house across the street get a new driveway and front steps.  As my dad was a do it yourselfer I have an appreciation for this process I'm watching.  It actually makes me miss my dad.

Yesterday I was getting gas and I decided to clean my windshield while I was waiting.  My whole car needs a good washing, so the least I can do is be able to see out the front, right?

As I was washing the windows, I thought of my friends husband, who diligently washes his wife's car.  I'm amazed every time I witness it, because he ArmorAll's the dash and everything.  I don't have 'that' husband.  Mine doesn't even wash his own.  He has someone do it for him. 

My car is never clean enough to take to the car wash, if you know what I mean.  I have too much stuff in there to move around, that I don't want to waste the money doing the manual labor necessary to pay someone to finish the job.  Am I weird?

I think being raised with my 'do it yourself' dad has bled into my life and made me believe, if we can do it ourselves, we should give it a go!

But being with my husband for so long, I get his side of things too; why struggle and muddle through something that may take you twice as long as having someone who does it all the time just come in and get it done quickly.

Everything has its place I suppose.  Cleaning the car is a real pain in the butt.  But, it's not THAT difficult.  (that said, my car remains dirty way more often than not).

I live happily when I have a sense of accomplishment.  I think that is why I like to bake.  I get to see it from start to finish; make executive decisions and then enjoy the end result when I pass off my baked goods and see people smiling.   Unfortunately, sometimes the baked goods cost way more than just going to Costco and picking up a ready made item.  But, seriously....where is the fun in that?

I used to like doing little craft projects.  But with life being what it is, I haven't had time to crochet in years, or sew anything.  The last item I did for the Renaissance Faire cost me WAY more than a $30 costume and the frustration level was through the roof.  But my favorite part of that project (when it was totally going south) was when my daughter looked at me and said, "Mom it doesn't have to be perfect, I am going to wear it no matter what!"  Oh, but she's a keeper!!

And when we walked the Ren Faire, I got to admire how beautiful she looked in the dress I made her.

I'm no seamstress, but if you can at least figure out what it's supposed to be, well, then I have done my job.

My house is in desperate need of attention right now.  I walk around all the time and think how we need new carpet (or rather, wood floors or even tile) and much of the upholstery needs a good cleaning.  I'm trying to figure out if we can make this all a family project.  But I know hubby will have none of it.  He's a hirer.  I'm a doer. 

I don't mind cleaning my own car.  It never occurred to me that my husband should even offer.  I kind of giggle when I see my friends husband working away.  And I would be lying if I didn't try to park my car really close, so he could throw a splash on mine 'by accident'.  However, overall, I do like that sense of accomplishment and I am driven a bit differently.

Today I have quite a few do it yourself projects.  However, on this day, I wouldn't mind passing the torch for just a few hours.  But alas, it is not to be. 

So, it's nose to the grindstone and off I go.

Hope your day is great.

Happy Thursday

Day two.....

So yesterday was interesting.  No coffee, no energy....period!!!

It took me many hours to have any energy.  You never know how addicted you are to something until you remove it from your life.

I was actually surprised at how lethargic I was.  Somewhere around 11, I got a burst of energy and went and did my errands.  As I was driving, I was surprised how clear everything seemed.  I think my morning smoothie was somehow kicking in.

In the afternoon I had a salad for lunch and for dinner I had home made chicken soup.  I felt pretty good.

Right now I'm in a state of evaluating how I feel every second of the day.  My goal is "wellness" and a few days ago, I wasn't well.

I recently saw a picture that I really liked;  it showed prescription bottles and under it the caption was "Band Aid".  Next to that was a picture of fresh fruits and veggies and it said, "Cure". 

I totally believe that.  You CAN cure disease with better food choices.  Most of us just don't know how.

It really is a journey to health.  And though I have been on this path for a few years now; learning is slow!  There is SO MUCH INFORMATION out there, it's hard to disseminate.  So I came to one conclusion; I will learn what applies to ME!!  The rest of the knowledge can come later.

One thing I have heard over and over again is that as we get older, we lose the enzymes necessary to break down certain foods. 

This is a real bummer.  But it explains a LOT!!!  Thankfully, there are enzymes you can buy in pill form.  But if your body is having a hard time with it, it's time to reconsider how important that item is.

Getting older sucks.  It was so much nicer to eat as a child and not think twice about what a twinkie could do to you.  But now, it seems like the worst choice possible for me!!!

But whatever.  I can go through life feeling like crap, or I can do something about it.  Now is my time.

The smoothie was really good.  And when I think about how much nutrition I'm getting, that makes me really happy.

But what makes me happiest is knowing that my stomach is feeling a sense of calm.  That should make the day go down much easier.

Happy Wednesday! 

A word about food and health

Yesterday, I wasnt' feeling so hot.  My stomach was hurting and I felt like I needed to go to the dr.  I hate Drs.  They guess at what is going on with you, or put you through tons of tests until they get to the confirmed diagnosis of "not sure". 

I was talking to my sis n law about the state of health in our society.  It's alarming how truly  malnourished we are based on our food choices.  And the truth is, because of all the processed ways of our foods; even the "healthy" choices are less healthy than they were just a few short decades ago.

I heard that most of us are dehydrated.  We simply don't ingest enough fluids to sustain our bodies.  Some people live on diet sodas, many of which have caffeine, which further dehydrates.  I would say for every diet soda you have, you should consume two 8 oz glasses of water to offset the dehydration.

Because our food is so compromised, it's easy to understand why we are becoming a more diseased society.  Food supplements are good, but your body doesn't even utilize 100% of those benefits, so it's still an uphill battle.

Food is meant to help us sustain life!  Fruits, nuts and veggies are a great place to start!!!

Did you know that celery has 23% sodium levels and resembles bones.  And that bones have 23% sodium?

 

Walnuts support brain function

And everyone knows that carrots are good for eye health

 

 

And guess what Avocados help with?

 

And check this out?

 

And would you believe sweet potatoes are good for the pancreas?

 

 

and ginger is good for the stomach.....

 

 

Food actually emulates life!  Now my question is this.....how many of you are feeding your systems?

 

After my session with Paula, I went to Sprouts and got some organic veggies.  I actually made a smoothie this morning with beets, chard, apple, and banana.  I decided to forgo the morning coffee as my stomach has been 'off'.  I can already tell that I made a good decision for my stomach.  It feels calm, and dare I say, "balanced". 

 

I have a long road ahead of me, but I always say, "Awareness is key". 

What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you.

 

Happy Tuesday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Frame of Mind

Yesterday I went on a photo shoot.  I wanted a little help so I invited Aspen.  Avery quickly jumped on board.  I don't usually bring  my kids unless I need them and when I do, they "assist" and I pay them a flat fee.  If they do better then I will add at 'tip'.

They have both been helpful in the past, but having more than one at a time is not the best recipe.

We started out strong.  They were excited to help and they were doing a good job.  But then they started doing what kids do; they got bored, or frustrated and decided to check out mentally.  I could see them going down.

Pretty soon it was more of a "mom/child" situation than a 'photographer/assistant' situation and I was getting frustrated.

Then I realized I didn't put them in the right frame of mind to be professional and forget for just a few hours that I am mom.

I came home and was watching a show with Chris about restaurants in trouble and they were talking about the staff in this one particular restaurant.  They mentioned how the bartender is great, but sometimes she uses her work as a therapy session.  And the main waiter was great, but he'd been there so long, he treated the place as it was his own, and did whatever he wanted....

One thing that could keep these people at the top of their game is their "frame of  mind".

I have had a few of those adjustments in my life.  I remember as a kid, I was in love with  my history teacher, and one day he said something that absolutely humiliated me.  He used me (a 12 year old girl) as the butt of one of his jokes and I was perfectly mortified.  I didn't want to go back to his class EVER!!

And as I sat in my misery, I remember thinking, "I'm a student.  It's just my job to learn.  He is just my teacher".  So with that, I walked back into the class every day until the year was over.

It wasn't easy, because I was so embarrassed.  But when I realized my place - the focus of my attention shifted dramatically, and I was able to be successful.

There is a balance to everything.  If you are a bartender, then yes, talking is your job but the goal is to make it more about the customer than you.  After all, they are paying for their drinks, right?

And as a waiter, you can 'own' the place in your mind; but you can do it within guidelines and do it respectfully.

As for my girls, I let them know that I'm not "mom" when shooting.  I'm their boss.

Now, I agree they are too young to get it, but they are in training.  They are really quite good as helpers (and totally adorable to boot),but it is going to take reinforcements over the years for them to 'get it'.  And that is okay.  You have to start somewhere.  And they do give their best.  I just need to be a better boss.

When it comes to my photography, I go into 'work' mode.  I don't have kids, I have a job to get done.  I'm not a wife, I am a photographer.  I'm in a relationship with my client and my job is to give them everything they want, and hopefully a little more.  I will come back to "mom" and "wife" after my job is done.

I realized how serious I was about this years ago, when I was shooting my brothers and their wives.  My sister in law watched me direct everyone around and she looked at me a little perplexed and she said, "You CHANGE when you are shooting".  Very interesting observation from someone very close.  I didn't really think about it before then.  But the truth is; it's necessary.

Imagine if I was in a photo session with you, and I stop to answer my phone to discuss dinner with hubby? Or stop and walk my child to the bathroom and give them a snack.  When I'm on someone elses dime.  It doesn't happen!

It's a frame of mind and a work ethic.

We all have that choice, but sometimes we blur the lines or aren't clear on our roles.

I've worked jobs and I have blurred the lines.  And I paid the price.

It's natural for us to want to be heard and make things about "us".  And for the most part, there is a place for that, and it's okay.  But more often than not; it's NOT about us and we just need to do what needs to get done.

I came into a bridal shower many years ago when I was younger and I was completely distraught because I had just gotten bad news.  I could barely contain my tears.  I had a friend tell me, "If you can't get it together, you need to leave.  This day is NOT about you!!"

Now, she wasn't being rude.  I remember thinking at that time, "Well, the NERVE!!!!"   But she was right.  My heavy heart and tears was going to pull the focus from the bride (Happiest time of her life) to me, (sad depressed and needy).  It wasn't the place for me to be.  Thankfully, I pulled myself together.  But I'm forever thankful for that harsh reality.  It gave me the ability to look at situations and be present.

We all need a checker sometimes.  I'm glad I have been surrounded by strong people who aren't afraid to tell me like it is.  The byproduct of that is I have become the same way.

Check yourself people!!!

Happy Monday!

Adjusting expectations

Countdown to school...... Ughhh....

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I know many have gone back to school, because I have had the whoops and hollers from the happy parents.

Though I love the routine, I would be lying if I didn't say that the schedules (or harried schedules) are starting to stress me out.  As of now, I'm not sure I have a good game plan for the upcoming year. 

(does that surprise you?)

My goal this summer was to get organized and get my life back.  But instead, I spent every day enjoying the freedom as much as possible.  I haven't had this much (stress free) fun with my kids in years. 

At the beginning of the summer Aspen loaded up on dance classes.  At first I was stressed; but when I realized I had made myself available for just that reason - so much stress fell off my shoulders.

It felt so good.

Now that school is gearing up, I'm starting to put 'those' glasses on.  As I went into the girls' room this morning, I started looking around at all the disorganization, and realized I didn't do what I set out to do this summer and this is where is bites me.

I'm not a planner.  I'm a dreamer.

It sounds nice, I know.  But there are repercussions to being a dreamer.  But then again when you look at it, there are repercussions to everything.

Last night I was at my girlfriends house for a party.  She has the cutest house, EVER!  She has a dutch door (one of the doors that open top or bottom that you would likely find in the country).  Her house is decorated model style; cute, quaint and very homey.  Every detail is in place.

As we prepared for the party, I could see that 'every detail in its place' was very important to her.    I had to pry her away from the crackers to go sit down and enjoy her guests.  When we sat down to eat, we joked about her 'simple' salad, which had a few different types of lettuce, scallions, goat cheese, tomatoes sunflower seeds and a Champagne Pear Vinaigrette dressing tossed in.  We had a lot of fun!

It's because she is like this that her house is as beautiful as it is.  But what I wanted for her to do was just relax and let the party happen.  Her level of stress was higher than mine would be.

But then again, my house is in such a state of disarray that I just don't invite people over (except my very close friends who will love me no matter what!).

So there you have the two extremes.

My lack of stressing causes me disorganization and her level causes her house to be lovely!!!  (I'm not kidding, when I saw her daughters room, I had to hold back from jumping on the bed just to mess it up just a little).

I would like to find something in the middle.   Let's call it 'Clarity'.
I have millions of great ideas squished in between mud.

This year my goal is to ..........wait for it.........

Get by

I'm going to start with low expectations and go from there.  That way, if I succeed in my low expectations, I can add another and feel successful.  Let's call it reverse therapy!

I think I will feel way better checking things off the list like, "Wake up". 

It's easy to feel like a failure.  Let's have some fun with this figure out how to feel like a winner!!!

Happy Sunday!