As a photographer you are invited in to to document peoples' lives. I have been blessed to do this for many years. I'm extremely passionate about it and I try to share my passion with everyone.
I have documented the first moments of life and in many cases, I took the last good picture of some who have passed.
This morning I got a call.
My heart is heavy. A little girl I photographed at a wedding passed away. She drowned. People were present and saw and heard nothing.
The little girl was wearing a vest and swam for a couple of hours at the community pool with her mother. She decided she was done but as her mother was breastfeeding their new baby, she asked the daughter to give her a few minutes and they would leave.
Unknown to the mother, the daughter took off her vest and decided to go into the jacuzzi. When they found her it was too late.
As it turned out there were a couple of teenagers in the jacuzzi and they swore they heard and saw nothing.
I believe them.
Because it happened to us!
One night many years ago, my sister and I were visiting in the jacuzzi at our community pool, and having a nice conversation. Her son (3 or 4 yrs old) was right next to us playing around in arms length of us. He was safe, right?
You would think.
But as we were talking we realized we didn't hear him so we turned around and he was completely submerged trying to get up. And despite his efforts of kicking and flailing, we heard nothing.
My sister pulled him to safety, but I think we were both scarred at that point. He could have drowned right by us and we wouldn't have known the difference.
Now keep in mind; as we were talking; it was night and we were the ONLY ones at the pool. And we still heard nothing.....
I know these teens will never forget what happened that day. And I know the mother will forever regret asking her daughter to wait. For her, my heart is broken.
I got a call this morning to provide an image from a wedding that was a lovely rendition of this little girl with her family.
This is not the first time I have gotten a call like this.
This is why I know how precious life is, and why I am so passionate about photography.
I'm not a huge planner. I have a bunch of short term goals and no 5 year plan. I have never had a 5 year plan. To me 5 years will never come - ever.
I have today.
I treasure today!
Today I will be printing an image of a beautiful little girl who dressed up one day for a wedding. I will be printing it as a final memory for her family.
I documented her life. I'm thankful I have that.
My prayers go out to her family that they won't live in regret, but will celebrate her memories.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
New things
Yesterday was pretty nice. We had the grandparents over for birthday celebrations.
The girls birthdays are within a week of each other so we pool the efforts and have a bbq.
The second bday celebration for both of them.
Aspen's birthday is this week and we will likely plan a day out this week for her.
I was going to sign them up for camp, but both are dancing a number of hours already and didn't want to add anymore this week. Fair enough.
I don't mind them having the week off. It's easier on me too. Well...sort of. I still get to hear them say, "I'm bored" or "What are we doing this week?" or "What's for lunch?"
Ever hear that before???
As I don't have as much on my plate this week it will free me up to do a few more fun things.
And as I took off the summer from WW, I'm super happy to have this option for my kids.
This summer has been a lot more relaxing and I feel like I am not running in as many directions. I had no idea how stretched I was before. It's a shame that something massive has to happen to be the wake up call.
I went to weigh in yesterday and saw some of the gals I have worked with. It was a little awkward for me because I literally felt like I just disappeared from them without explanation. Same with my members.
But seeing them was so nice, because these are also my friends.
My plan to get back on track turned out pretty well. I left myself room to celebrate, but reserved myself the rest of the day. All is well. Today I started the day by juicing. It's actually not just the juice; I got the Nutribullet and made a smoothie for breakfast.
In the past I didn't really believe in these because when you put food in liquid form, you are changing the natural state of the food and it absorbs much quicker and totally differently than if you chew it.
But as I'm trying to mix things up, I'm giving this a try at least a few time in the week and we will see what happens.
HOWEVER....I'm kind of attached to chewing my food as I feel that is the major part of the experience, right? But I want to break my old habits, so here I am. I'll keep you posted.
I would tell you what I put in it, but it's early as I write and I don't want you to lose your most recent meal. But I can eat cardboard and be happy with it if it has nutritional value, so there you are.
I'm off to get started on my day. I have a few things planned and if I finish early, I'm off for an adventure. Just not sure what that adventure is yet.
Happy Monday.
The girls birthdays are within a week of each other so we pool the efforts and have a bbq.
The second bday celebration for both of them.
Aspen's birthday is this week and we will likely plan a day out this week for her.
I was going to sign them up for camp, but both are dancing a number of hours already and didn't want to add anymore this week. Fair enough.
I don't mind them having the week off. It's easier on me too. Well...sort of. I still get to hear them say, "I'm bored" or "What are we doing this week?" or "What's for lunch?"
Ever hear that before???
As I don't have as much on my plate this week it will free me up to do a few more fun things.
And as I took off the summer from WW, I'm super happy to have this option for my kids.
This summer has been a lot more relaxing and I feel like I am not running in as many directions. I had no idea how stretched I was before. It's a shame that something massive has to happen to be the wake up call.
I went to weigh in yesterday and saw some of the gals I have worked with. It was a little awkward for me because I literally felt like I just disappeared from them without explanation. Same with my members.
But seeing them was so nice, because these are also my friends.
My plan to get back on track turned out pretty well. I left myself room to celebrate, but reserved myself the rest of the day. All is well. Today I started the day by juicing. It's actually not just the juice; I got the Nutribullet and made a smoothie for breakfast.
In the past I didn't really believe in these because when you put food in liquid form, you are changing the natural state of the food and it absorbs much quicker and totally differently than if you chew it.
But as I'm trying to mix things up, I'm giving this a try at least a few time in the week and we will see what happens.
HOWEVER....I'm kind of attached to chewing my food as I feel that is the major part of the experience, right? But I want to break my old habits, so here I am. I'll keep you posted.
I would tell you what I put in it, but it's early as I write and I don't want you to lose your most recent meal. But I can eat cardboard and be happy with it if it has nutritional value, so there you are.
I'm off to get started on my day. I have a few things planned and if I finish early, I'm off for an adventure. Just not sure what that adventure is yet.
Happy Monday.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Choose # 1
As I write, I am in a weight watchers meeting waiting for it to start. I have been stuck for a few months where I am at. No big surprise as I can. Arely breathe with my life, but I keep wondering; WHY is putting myself first such a struggle. And what does putting myself first, exactly mean???
I feel like I am always first because I am always 'doing'. And I don't really have time to think about 'me' specifically. But the truth is, more often than not, I am in service to someone else. And though my family benefits from my service...what do I get from my efforts other than stretched thin.
This summer I had a major AHA moment when I had an episode of vertigo. I had no control of my body for a couple of days and had to rely on the kindness of others to help me walk straight.
You are. Ever so humbled until you need someone's help. It is extremely uncomfortable, yet really comforting.
But still it is a place you never want to be.
When this happened to me, it came on right after a stressful incident. And when I put the pieces together, I realized I had let myself go. Funny thing was- it was apparent to everyone around me BUT me!!!
So when I looked at my life, I realized the events that led up to my illness was directly related to putting myself last on the list.
Big surprise!!!
As a Weight Watchers leader I preach to my members to put themselves first. And they nod and shake and say yes ma'am!!! But like me, many have no idea what that means exactly.
I mean... We know... We just don't 'knooowwww'.
Jack canfield is an excellent speaker. He said something once that resounded with me; Do five things a day that go towards your goal".
Now if your goal is to make yourself first... Where does that start??
For me it is my health. Which means exercise and eat right. I hate exercise so how do I convince myself to do it?
I used to run 5 miles 3 days a week. But since putting everyone else first I am lucky if I get in 1. The one thing I can say though is; I remember how it felt to be done with the workouts. I remember how good it felt to look in the mirror and like what I saw. I remember how much easier it was to handle stress. And I now know that putting myself last has made a negative impact on me and those around me.... So I think the first thing that needs to happen is a goal. I need to know how I want to feel. And as I have that history, I can tap in to how I felt. The trick will be making the schedule fit the goal. And that is where most get lost. When I was at my most focused: my every choice was based on my goal. So if my goal is clear as crystal, it should be easy to do five things a day based on my goal. Sometimes we have to go based on faith until we get there. But if we know what we want, the choice should should be easier. My whole goal is to become what I used to be. And thankfully as I have that history, I can feel where I am going. It is up to me to make that choice daily. No one said it would be easy. But the benefits definitely outweigh the risks!!! Happy Sunday
I feel like I am always first because I am always 'doing'. And I don't really have time to think about 'me' specifically. But the truth is, more often than not, I am in service to someone else. And though my family benefits from my service...what do I get from my efforts other than stretched thin.
This summer I had a major AHA moment when I had an episode of vertigo. I had no control of my body for a couple of days and had to rely on the kindness of others to help me walk straight.
You are. Ever so humbled until you need someone's help. It is extremely uncomfortable, yet really comforting.
But still it is a place you never want to be.
When this happened to me, it came on right after a stressful incident. And when I put the pieces together, I realized I had let myself go. Funny thing was- it was apparent to everyone around me BUT me!!!
So when I looked at my life, I realized the events that led up to my illness was directly related to putting myself last on the list.
Big surprise!!!
As a Weight Watchers leader I preach to my members to put themselves first. And they nod and shake and say yes ma'am!!! But like me, many have no idea what that means exactly.
I mean... We know... We just don't 'knooowwww'.
Jack canfield is an excellent speaker. He said something once that resounded with me; Do five things a day that go towards your goal".
Now if your goal is to make yourself first... Where does that start??
For me it is my health. Which means exercise and eat right. I hate exercise so how do I convince myself to do it?
I used to run 5 miles 3 days a week. But since putting everyone else first I am lucky if I get in 1. The one thing I can say though is; I remember how it felt to be done with the workouts. I remember how good it felt to look in the mirror and like what I saw. I remember how much easier it was to handle stress. And I now know that putting myself last has made a negative impact on me and those around me.... So I think the first thing that needs to happen is a goal. I need to know how I want to feel. And as I have that history, I can tap in to how I felt. The trick will be making the schedule fit the goal. And that is where most get lost. When I was at my most focused: my every choice was based on my goal. So if my goal is clear as crystal, it should be easy to do five things a day based on my goal. Sometimes we have to go based on faith until we get there. But if we know what we want, the choice should should be easier. My whole goal is to become what I used to be. And thankfully as I have that history, I can feel where I am going. It is up to me to make that choice daily. No one said it would be easy. But the benefits definitely outweigh the risks!!! Happy Sunday
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Entitled?
So I find myself having the same conversation over and over again.
When one is ready for something; does the other automatically get it too??? My younger one seems to think so... And I keep having the conversation that this is not the case.
And needless to say; she doesn't get it.
Aspen is 2 years older than Avery.
This year Aspen has been asked to submit a solo video for consideration for a solo, duo or trio. In the past we didn't do it for various reasons. This year, one of the teachers is trying to encourage me to submit for her. So I said yes.
Now, when you do a solo, duo, or trio - you are looking at dance above and beyond their regular schedule. And choreography and costumes and so forth and so on....
It's quite the consideration for a kid. (And the parents).
So to come to this conclusion for us is big.
The fun comes when we have to explain to Avery why SHE has to wait!!
Unfortunately, we kind of raised the girls for many years like they were twins. What one get, the other got. We didn't put much thought into it.
But now as they get older and one should get more privileges than the other, we have a fight on our hands. And total confusion.
I have said it before. Kids are growing up entitled - getting what they want - never having to earn - and emotionally empty. Not all, but many. As I become increasingly aware of this I'm doing my best to make more conscious decisions about it.
Aspen deserves to feel special because she is 2 years older. As I had this discussion with Avery, I could see that my past decisions were coming to haunt me. She just couldn't understand why we wouldn't consider her for a solo as well.
It's so funny as a parent how many times you live in hindsight. I have heard parents say, "If I had known how my kids would turn out; we wouldn't have had any". (I'm totally not kidding)
REALLY??????
Now, I know that child rearing is hard. But to look at your kids as a failure (2 for 2 I might add).... is there ANY slight possibility that the parents had ANYTHING to do with it????
I know all kids don't turn out perfect. I certainly didn't turn out like my dad thought. He wanted all highly educated children. College college college..... I was not a good student. College was not in the cards for me. And though some might consider that failure; my dad quickly realized I would trudge my own path and I would be fine. And when he died, I was married and pregnant with our first child and I believe he felt I would be okay!!!
But I am okay because of the lessons I learned as a kid.
I didn't always get what I wanted. I had to create my own fun. I lived in fear of my parents (because there was HELL to pay for making wrong choices) and I faced the consequences when I did stupid things!
I will never forget the time I got caught stealing something. My mom picked me up from the store; didn't say a word on the way home. (Silence from my mother was worse than Chinese water torture). And when I got home, I lingered outside....knowing what was behind the doors. When my dad came out to get me, he was taking off his belt (Gulp.....) "Catherine....get in here".
My brother was working on his car and he simply looked over at me without pulling his head out of the engine and said, "Good luck"....
(can you feel your stomach tightening?)
That was the worst feeling in the world.
Dad never used the belt on me. I don't think he intended to. Or maybe mom stopped him. But whatever the case that lesson was learned!!!! There were consequences for bad choices and we didn't want to face them.
And those lessons stuck as we got older.
That, to me is what childhood is about. We as parents can see the future more than our children. It is our job to think a few steps ahead and realize if we give our children EVERYTHING....they will eventually be empty inside because they don't have that victorious feeling of EARNING something!!!
I do hate having those conversations with my kids. I know Avery still doesn't get it and she thinks I like Aspen better. But it's not my job to make my kids happy. It's my job to make the best decisions for them even though they may not understand it!
I am the parent!!!
If I don't disappoint my kids at least once a day, I'm not doing my job!!
I know parents get tired and don't want to 'fight'....but no one said parenting is easy.
And I am not saying I am perfect. We will all screw up our kids and they will let us know how later. But like any other parents; we are doing the best we can. And if our kids actually take a look around, they will see that they don't have it so bad.
I'm pretty sure that my kids are aware of that.
Don't be afraid to disappoint your kids. They have friends.... they need parents!!
Happy Saturday
When one is ready for something; does the other automatically get it too??? My younger one seems to think so... And I keep having the conversation that this is not the case.
And needless to say; she doesn't get it.
Aspen is 2 years older than Avery.
This year Aspen has been asked to submit a solo video for consideration for a solo, duo or trio. In the past we didn't do it for various reasons. This year, one of the teachers is trying to encourage me to submit for her. So I said yes.
Now, when you do a solo, duo, or trio - you are looking at dance above and beyond their regular schedule. And choreography and costumes and so forth and so on....
It's quite the consideration for a kid. (And the parents).
So to come to this conclusion for us is big.
The fun comes when we have to explain to Avery why SHE has to wait!!
Unfortunately, we kind of raised the girls for many years like they were twins. What one get, the other got. We didn't put much thought into it.
But now as they get older and one should get more privileges than the other, we have a fight on our hands. And total confusion.
I have said it before. Kids are growing up entitled - getting what they want - never having to earn - and emotionally empty. Not all, but many. As I become increasingly aware of this I'm doing my best to make more conscious decisions about it.
Aspen deserves to feel special because she is 2 years older. As I had this discussion with Avery, I could see that my past decisions were coming to haunt me. She just couldn't understand why we wouldn't consider her for a solo as well.
It's so funny as a parent how many times you live in hindsight. I have heard parents say, "If I had known how my kids would turn out; we wouldn't have had any". (I'm totally not kidding)
REALLY??????
Now, I know that child rearing is hard. But to look at your kids as a failure (2 for 2 I might add).... is there ANY slight possibility that the parents had ANYTHING to do with it????
I know all kids don't turn out perfect. I certainly didn't turn out like my dad thought. He wanted all highly educated children. College college college..... I was not a good student. College was not in the cards for me. And though some might consider that failure; my dad quickly realized I would trudge my own path and I would be fine. And when he died, I was married and pregnant with our first child and I believe he felt I would be okay!!!
But I am okay because of the lessons I learned as a kid.
I didn't always get what I wanted. I had to create my own fun. I lived in fear of my parents (because there was HELL to pay for making wrong choices) and I faced the consequences when I did stupid things!
I will never forget the time I got caught stealing something. My mom picked me up from the store; didn't say a word on the way home. (Silence from my mother was worse than Chinese water torture). And when I got home, I lingered outside....knowing what was behind the doors. When my dad came out to get me, he was taking off his belt (Gulp.....) "Catherine....get in here".
My brother was working on his car and he simply looked over at me without pulling his head out of the engine and said, "Good luck"....
(can you feel your stomach tightening?)
That was the worst feeling in the world.
Dad never used the belt on me. I don't think he intended to. Or maybe mom stopped him. But whatever the case that lesson was learned!!!! There were consequences for bad choices and we didn't want to face them.
And those lessons stuck as we got older.
That, to me is what childhood is about. We as parents can see the future more than our children. It is our job to think a few steps ahead and realize if we give our children EVERYTHING....they will eventually be empty inside because they don't have that victorious feeling of EARNING something!!!
I do hate having those conversations with my kids. I know Avery still doesn't get it and she thinks I like Aspen better. But it's not my job to make my kids happy. It's my job to make the best decisions for them even though they may not understand it!
I am the parent!!!
If I don't disappoint my kids at least once a day, I'm not doing my job!!
I know parents get tired and don't want to 'fight'....but no one said parenting is easy.
And I am not saying I am perfect. We will all screw up our kids and they will let us know how later. But like any other parents; we are doing the best we can. And if our kids actually take a look around, they will see that they don't have it so bad.
I'm pretty sure that my kids are aware of that.
Don't be afraid to disappoint your kids. They have friends.... they need parents!!
Happy Saturday
Friday, July 27, 2012
To birthday...or NOT to birthday....
So, yesterday was incredibly productive. I got a lot done.
Some may say, "Yay you", but according to my older daughter I think I kind of failed.
As it was Avery's birthday; and she had her day planned (in her head), she woke up disappointed at the fact that she had to be dragged around with me to work. However, I smoothed it over with a quick trip to Starbucks.
As my day went on, I made it clear that until my work is done, no 'fun' will be had.
Now, am I a bad mom???
Taking off time here and there isn't usually a problem. But because of events that have come up; it's pushed my 'completion times' way back. Now, people who are waiting for their pictures are starting to get impatient, which makes ME look bad.
I don't like looking bad!
Last night (as a matter of fact) I had a nightmare that some of my clients were yelling at me. NOT a good feeling.
But I digress......
The "parties" have been set for the birthday's. And there are TWO of them. So my children will NOT go unnoticed, I promise you. It just so happens that on their birthday, the peacock feathers will be neatly tucked and stowed to wait for their celebration days!
As my day went on yesterday; there were two schools of thought:
1. The birthday person should be made a HUGE deal for the birthday child no matter the expense (including work and angry mobs).
2. As long as you have SOMETHING planned; it's okay to lay low on the actual birthday.
By the end of the day, I met that over the top mom who whoops and hollers all day on their kids birthday. And as this mom is perfectly adorable and likeable ( and her older teen children still adore her), I felt a bit like a failure.
When I was a kid (yes, I just said that), birthdays were quietly celebrated with family and moved on. It wasn't a big deal as I can remember. But it didn't totally go unnoticed either.
There were 5 of us. We were lucky to get fed for crimany sakes!!! Both my parents worked and we were lucky to get a "Hi" at the end of the day......
I grew up different than my husband, who was one of two - parents divorced, and probably got 2 birthday celebrations every year.
Needless to say; Hubby thinks I am the ANTI-birthday queen. I'm not in his good graces......
It's so funny when you live with someone and don't see eye to eye. As we were raised differently, he doesn't get what I went through and I can't fathom what he went through. But no offense to his mother, she fussed over him incessantly and now he does the same to the girls. It's cute at times, but other times, I feel like O.M.G........
That said, I think it's a good balance. He remembers the little things that I forget.
I keep telling him we are a good team with our totally different views. We keep each other in check.
But we will still likely screw up our kids, because that is what parents do; right???
When my kids are mad at me, I tell them, "I know I'm screwing up your life; and you will let me know exactly how later!!!" (they always blame the mom, right???)
And why is it always the mom's fault? Can you answer me that??? I think it's crap!! Mom's usually put in the most hands on hours with the intention of building our children up! I have yet to meet a mom that says, "I can't WAIT to screw up my child today!!"
Seriously!!!
But whatever.......
Avery got through her birthday and she had a cake (thank you Chris) and presents (thank you Chris).
And today we will meet at Farrells with a couple of her BFF's and celebrate again. Then on Sunday, when we have grandparents over.....we will celebrate yet again.....
My children aren't want for much. I'm seriously not worried about them. They will have bad memories of our child rearing no matter how hard we try. At least with something like birthdays I will remember and can start formulating my defense now.....
Happy Friday!
Some may say, "Yay you", but according to my older daughter I think I kind of failed.
As it was Avery's birthday; and she had her day planned (in her head), she woke up disappointed at the fact that she had to be dragged around with me to work. However, I smoothed it over with a quick trip to Starbucks.
As my day went on, I made it clear that until my work is done, no 'fun' will be had.
Now, am I a bad mom???
Taking off time here and there isn't usually a problem. But because of events that have come up; it's pushed my 'completion times' way back. Now, people who are waiting for their pictures are starting to get impatient, which makes ME look bad.
I don't like looking bad!
Last night (as a matter of fact) I had a nightmare that some of my clients were yelling at me. NOT a good feeling.
But I digress......
The "parties" have been set for the birthday's. And there are TWO of them. So my children will NOT go unnoticed, I promise you. It just so happens that on their birthday, the peacock feathers will be neatly tucked and stowed to wait for their celebration days!
As my day went on yesterday; there were two schools of thought:
1. The birthday person should be made a HUGE deal for the birthday child no matter the expense (including work and angry mobs).
2. As long as you have SOMETHING planned; it's okay to lay low on the actual birthday.
By the end of the day, I met that over the top mom who whoops and hollers all day on their kids birthday. And as this mom is perfectly adorable and likeable ( and her older teen children still adore her), I felt a bit like a failure.
When I was a kid (yes, I just said that), birthdays were quietly celebrated with family and moved on. It wasn't a big deal as I can remember. But it didn't totally go unnoticed either.
There were 5 of us. We were lucky to get fed for crimany sakes!!! Both my parents worked and we were lucky to get a "Hi" at the end of the day......
I grew up different than my husband, who was one of two - parents divorced, and probably got 2 birthday celebrations every year.
Needless to say; Hubby thinks I am the ANTI-birthday queen. I'm not in his good graces......
It's so funny when you live with someone and don't see eye to eye. As we were raised differently, he doesn't get what I went through and I can't fathom what he went through. But no offense to his mother, she fussed over him incessantly and now he does the same to the girls. It's cute at times, but other times, I feel like O.M.G........
That said, I think it's a good balance. He remembers the little things that I forget.
I keep telling him we are a good team with our totally different views. We keep each other in check.
But we will still likely screw up our kids, because that is what parents do; right???
When my kids are mad at me, I tell them, "I know I'm screwing up your life; and you will let me know exactly how later!!!" (they always blame the mom, right???)
And why is it always the mom's fault? Can you answer me that??? I think it's crap!! Mom's usually put in the most hands on hours with the intention of building our children up! I have yet to meet a mom that says, "I can't WAIT to screw up my child today!!"
Seriously!!!
But whatever.......
Avery got through her birthday and she had a cake (thank you Chris) and presents (thank you Chris).
And today we will meet at Farrells with a couple of her BFF's and celebrate again. Then on Sunday, when we have grandparents over.....we will celebrate yet again.....
My children aren't want for much. I'm seriously not worried about them. They will have bad memories of our child rearing no matter how hard we try. At least with something like birthdays I will remember and can start formulating my defense now.....
Happy Friday!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
My baby
Today is Avery's 10th birthday.
I can't tell you how my life has changed since she has arrived. I see her and I often think of my dad; because I know he would get the biggest kick out of her.
She's me. Only smaller.
When I was a kid, I was explosive. (don't laugh. It's true. I know it's hard to believe but just go with me on this).
First thing that took me by surprise is her red hair. People ask me all the time where she got it. I tell them from her "father". They say, "But Chris doesn't HAVE red hair". I look at them sideways and say, "No...HER father....." to which they give me a very strange look when they realize what I'm saying until I start laughing.
I can't help but use that one over and over again. No one expects it.
But she is ours. 100%.
From the first day she arrived; she knew what she wanted. Only we weren't prepared for it. She's kind of a go-getter. She gets things in her mind and they MUST happen!!!
I do love that about her, but it tends to make her a little inflexible.
Dessert didn't exist in this house until she came along. Every night after dinner if I tell her it's time for bed her response is simply, "But I didn't get dessert yet!"
And as today is her birthday she believes that NO ONE in her life should have to work. She wants to take the day off and would like us all to join her in her celebration.
And as her mother I do agree. Birthdays should be celebrated. Life should stop for the birthday person and they should get everything they want! EVERYTHING!!!
Unfortunately life doesn't work that way. And there, inlies the rub.......
I have a photo shoot first thing this morning. Thankfully, she is okay with that. If we go to Starbucks on the way for her special breakfast, all will be forgiven. I told her we would have to wake extra early to do so and she simple said, "I don't care!"
She also wants her hair curly. She will look special on her birthday. It's in her mind. It will happen. Her hair was done last night and when she wakes up we will see what we created. A birthday girl with the curl.
She's taught me a lot. As her mom, I have learned much patience, seen much laughter, and dried many a tear. I have gotten big bad squeezy hugs and wet kisses.
She reminds me about living passionately. She is nothing if not passionate about what she wants.
She can laugh like no other and she is quite amazing with children. That is one thing that throws me. She can tumble with the best of them in a fight yet when it comes to little ones; she's just perfect.
I am happy to celebrate my beautiful little redhead on her birthday.
Avery, you remind me where I come from and who I was. You teach me to listen and to be present. You are amazing and I love all that you are and all that you will become.
My wish for you this birthday is that you feel celebrated. You are unique, beautiful and I love you very much!!!
Happy Birthday to my fiery redhead!
Love Mommy
I can't tell you how my life has changed since she has arrived. I see her and I often think of my dad; because I know he would get the biggest kick out of her.
She's me. Only smaller.
First thing that took me by surprise is her red hair. People ask me all the time where she got it. I tell them from her "father". They say, "But Chris doesn't HAVE red hair". I look at them sideways and say, "No...HER father....." to which they give me a very strange look when they realize what I'm saying until I start laughing.
I can't help but use that one over and over again. No one expects it.
But she is ours. 100%.
From the first day she arrived; she knew what she wanted. Only we weren't prepared for it. She's kind of a go-getter. She gets things in her mind and they MUST happen!!!
I do love that about her, but it tends to make her a little inflexible.
Dessert didn't exist in this house until she came along. Every night after dinner if I tell her it's time for bed her response is simply, "But I didn't get dessert yet!"
And as today is her birthday she believes that NO ONE in her life should have to work. She wants to take the day off and would like us all to join her in her celebration.
And as her mother I do agree. Birthdays should be celebrated. Life should stop for the birthday person and they should get everything they want! EVERYTHING!!!
Unfortunately life doesn't work that way. And there, inlies the rub.......
I have a photo shoot first thing this morning. Thankfully, she is okay with that. If we go to Starbucks on the way for her special breakfast, all will be forgiven. I told her we would have to wake extra early to do so and she simple said, "I don't care!"
She also wants her hair curly. She will look special on her birthday. It's in her mind. It will happen. Her hair was done last night and when she wakes up we will see what we created. A birthday girl with the curl.
She's taught me a lot. As her mom, I have learned much patience, seen much laughter, and dried many a tear. I have gotten big bad squeezy hugs and wet kisses.
She reminds me about living passionately. She is nothing if not passionate about what she wants.
She can laugh like no other and she is quite amazing with children. That is one thing that throws me. She can tumble with the best of them in a fight yet when it comes to little ones; she's just perfect.
I am happy to celebrate my beautiful little redhead on her birthday.
Avery, you remind me where I come from and who I was. You teach me to listen and to be present. You are amazing and I love all that you are and all that you will become.
My wish for you this birthday is that you feel celebrated. You are unique, beautiful and I love you very much!!!
Happy Birthday to my fiery redhead!
Love Mommy
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Calling the game
I have decided to stay in bed today.
Yesterday didn't go so well. Today is not starting out so good either.
Sometimes you just gotta call the game.
I'm calling it!
I literally had ZERO wins!!! Nothing I did or said went right. And I went to bed far too late, so I added another loss.
I really hate days like that! You feel like an emotional punching bag. I was on the verge of tears all day. I was doing my best to keep it all to myself; but as I don't have a poker face, anyone who knew me saw the distress on my face.
I really need to work on that.
There are some people who go through life and you would never know their world is crumbling.
I get a hangnail and everyone can see something is 'off'.......
My dad suggested once that I be an actress. But after yesterday it's pretty clear, I couldn't pull it off.
I went to bed wondering if there was anything I could have done different all day long. And the answer is, though there was....it is unlikely that I would have changed anything. Because I have no control over my circumstances. Every choice I made was because I didn't have another choice.
It just so happened it all balled up into one really sucky day.
And as a result, I had a ball in my stomach that festered the night through.
This morning, within minutes something came out of my mouth which got me in trouble and I'm right back into 'sucky' mode.
So I have therefore decided to cut my losses for the day; HIDE and try again tomorrow. And something tells me my tomorrow is not looking up either. But I can only handle today.
So I hope your day goes well for you. I will be in seclusion.
Happy Wednesday.
Yesterday didn't go so well. Today is not starting out so good either.
Sometimes you just gotta call the game.
I'm calling it!
I literally had ZERO wins!!! Nothing I did or said went right. And I went to bed far too late, so I added another loss.
I really hate days like that! You feel like an emotional punching bag. I was on the verge of tears all day. I was doing my best to keep it all to myself; but as I don't have a poker face, anyone who knew me saw the distress on my face.
I really need to work on that.
There are some people who go through life and you would never know their world is crumbling.
I get a hangnail and everyone can see something is 'off'.......
My dad suggested once that I be an actress. But after yesterday it's pretty clear, I couldn't pull it off.
I went to bed wondering if there was anything I could have done different all day long. And the answer is, though there was....it is unlikely that I would have changed anything. Because I have no control over my circumstances. Every choice I made was because I didn't have another choice.
It just so happened it all balled up into one really sucky day.
And as a result, I had a ball in my stomach that festered the night through.
This morning, within minutes something came out of my mouth which got me in trouble and I'm right back into 'sucky' mode.
So I have therefore decided to cut my losses for the day; HIDE and try again tomorrow. And something tells me my tomorrow is not looking up either. But I can only handle today.
So I hope your day goes well for you. I will be in seclusion.
Happy Wednesday.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Back to the Desert
Hard to believe I went BACK to Palm Desert after my last declaration the last time I left...., "I don't want to come back here any time soon!!!".
I didn't know when I agreed to accompany the girl scout troop that I would end up smack dab in the middle of it again!!!
However, the trip was short and nice and very easy!!!
Yesterday, we spent the day at Soak City!! Now...there are two things I really don't care for: Walking around a bathing suit....and hanging out in the sun. And that's EXACTLY what we did!!!
I dreaded the idea at first. But when in Rome, you become a roman, so it was what it was. I donned the bathing suit and went for it.
It has been a SUPER EXTRA LONG TIME since I did anything like this. But I decided to go down those big tubes and plunge into the water. It was just as fun as I remembered.
We went from ride to ride, many over and over again and we had a really nice time.
My goal was to not get burned. But that didn't happen either. However, it's not as bad as it could have been, I saw some shiny lobsters at the end of the day!!!
The last ride of the day was what I call the funnel. It's a group thing where you can have 2 or 4 people in a large rafty-thing and you go down a huge tube that dumps you into a large funnel.....and you swirl around it until you go out the end, much like the water in a toilet! (Great visual, I know... but that is exactly what it is!!!!)
We went on that ride about 5 different times. The only bummer in the whole thing is you have to carry that raft up about 8 flights of stairs to get to the top!!! But it was TOTALLY worth it!
In the end, we had a fantastic day. The wave pool was hilarious. You could sit in 2 inches of waters or 5 ft of water depending where you wanted to stay. But when they waves started, you would get pushed around if you didn't stand your ground! When the waves first started, I laughed so hard that I ingested about a pint of water! I don't know why it was cracking me up, but with each wave that hit me in the face I laughed harder until I couldn't take it anymore!
It was a fun place to be and we all had a great day. The kids paired off and each did their own thing and so everyone was happy!!!
After that, we went back to the hotel, at a home-cooked dinner (something pre-made from the store that is) and chilled for the night.
Today we are back home and thankful for the nice 'cool' weather. Even though it was about 10 degrees cooler in Palm Springs than the last time I went, it was still about 105-109..... Just crazy hot!
Totally not my thing. So glad to be home!
Will cherish the memories forever!
Happy Tuesday!
I didn't know when I agreed to accompany the girl scout troop that I would end up smack dab in the middle of it again!!!
However, the trip was short and nice and very easy!!!
Yesterday, we spent the day at Soak City!! Now...there are two things I really don't care for: Walking around a bathing suit....and hanging out in the sun. And that's EXACTLY what we did!!!
I dreaded the idea at first. But when in Rome, you become a roman, so it was what it was. I donned the bathing suit and went for it.
It has been a SUPER EXTRA LONG TIME since I did anything like this. But I decided to go down those big tubes and plunge into the water. It was just as fun as I remembered.
We went from ride to ride, many over and over again and we had a really nice time.
My goal was to not get burned. But that didn't happen either. However, it's not as bad as it could have been, I saw some shiny lobsters at the end of the day!!!
The last ride of the day was what I call the funnel. It's a group thing where you can have 2 or 4 people in a large rafty-thing and you go down a huge tube that dumps you into a large funnel.....and you swirl around it until you go out the end, much like the water in a toilet! (Great visual, I know... but that is exactly what it is!!!!)
We went on that ride about 5 different times. The only bummer in the whole thing is you have to carry that raft up about 8 flights of stairs to get to the top!!! But it was TOTALLY worth it!
In the end, we had a fantastic day. The wave pool was hilarious. You could sit in 2 inches of waters or 5 ft of water depending where you wanted to stay. But when they waves started, you would get pushed around if you didn't stand your ground! When the waves first started, I laughed so hard that I ingested about a pint of water! I don't know why it was cracking me up, but with each wave that hit me in the face I laughed harder until I couldn't take it anymore!
It was a fun place to be and we all had a great day. The kids paired off and each did their own thing and so everyone was happy!!!
After that, we went back to the hotel, at a home-cooked dinner (something pre-made from the store that is) and chilled for the night.
Today we are back home and thankful for the nice 'cool' weather. Even though it was about 10 degrees cooler in Palm Springs than the last time I went, it was still about 105-109..... Just crazy hot!
Totally not my thing. So glad to be home!
Will cherish the memories forever!
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, July 23, 2012
Hiding and writing
Guess where I am? Go ahead...guess.....
In Palm Desert...in a hotel room....sitting on the bathroom floor.....writing my blog....
This is a first.
Why? You ask?
Because outside this door are 5 other bodies. Sleeping. And the light from my ipad illumintaes the room and i fear is just a little too much brightness, and I don't want to wake anyone, because I HATE being woken up before I absolutely have to get out of bed.
And as light will wake ME from sleep, I fear it will do the same for others....so I am sitting next to the toilet on the floor in the bathroom with the door closed.
Yes, I am weird.
We have a busy day scheduled that will start shortly. I am with a girlscout leader and four girlscouts, and we are celebrating their end of the year and are headed to Soak city today.
I was just here a few weeks ago with dance competitions. And I won't lie.... The thought of leaving this place brought me great joy, because sweltering heat does nothing for me.
So to be back wasn't exactly what I looked forward to. But to spend the day in the water will at least make it a little more bearable.
These girls have known each other since Kindergarten. It is really nice to see them all come together and pick up like no time has passed. Thanks to dance and other activities; we hardly see these girls. So it is really nice that they can have a weekend. Of time to get together and act like kids.
So though I won't be looking forward to the heat -OR wearing a bathing suit; I will look forward to spending a day doing something I would never otherwise plan for myself. And I will enjoy the TONs O FUN these kids will have today.
This girlscout leader happens to be a good friend. So I will further enjoy catching up with her, while I dunk her head under the water.
Happy Monday
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Reunion Day
So that's it. Just like that 25 years is over.
Yesterday the class of 1987 met at a park in Irvine. It was a casual setting, a little slow-going at first. But as people started to trickle in, it became more comfortable. People mingled from group to group and the kids played near by. It was so nice to see these people OFF facebook and in person.
Facebook is funny. It almost gives a false sense of security. You put something out there and people respond. So in that, I would expect that people start feeling safer to express themselves in ways they wouldn't do in person
But then you throw in a reunion....and everyone knows your 'business' because you yourself put it out there..... Yet when you actually have to face someone, it's a little different. Suddenly you become aware of all you have said, and you can't help but feel a little self conscious.
Or maybe that's just me!
I do put a lot on facebook. I'm not sure how that is perceived by others, but in truth, I have never been one to hide much of anything about myself. I YAM what I YAM.....
But what I do know is what I put out there in my mind is what I'm sayin. But I cannot control how someone takes that information. So when someone says, "Oh ya...I read that on your facebook page...." I tend to get a little worrisome. I usually examine their face to see if they have disdain, or amusement.
I admit it. It's a little nutty how much I put out there.
But do you know in the last few weeks how many people have said to me, "I read your blog, and I swear you were writing about ME!"
THAT'S my point!!!
We are all the same. Crazy people living crazy lives and doing our best to come together from time to time to check in.
So with our reunion yesterday, I have to say; there was a very comfortable feeling. It was easy.
Thankfully because of Facebook we don't have to say to each other; "So....what have you been up to these last few years... because we know. We can start the conversation with, "How are the kids?" or whatever floats your boat. But you get my drift.
In the evening we went to a bar to convene as adults. It was really nice. It was actually a smaller group than the park. I know at this time in our lives, it gets crazy and hard to make time. So I'm glad for those who had the time to drop in. And I really hope they enjoyed themselves, because it looks like they did.
I don't know why some people don't feel the need to go back. I feel like we are all on a journey in life and people are a part of that journey; shaping us to who we are. How nice to check in with them once in a while to see how their life is progressing.
We are nothing without the people who helped create us - good or bad.
It's still fun to talk old times (for what we can remember of them).
I had a good time yesterday. Putting actual faces to the facebook avatars was nice. I'm thankful to those who traveled to visit. I hope you found it worth your time and I will look forward to seeing you in another 5!!!
Happy Sunday
Yesterday the class of 1987 met at a park in Irvine. It was a casual setting, a little slow-going at first. But as people started to trickle in, it became more comfortable. People mingled from group to group and the kids played near by. It was so nice to see these people OFF facebook and in person.
Facebook is funny. It almost gives a false sense of security. You put something out there and people respond. So in that, I would expect that people start feeling safer to express themselves in ways they wouldn't do in person
But then you throw in a reunion....and everyone knows your 'business' because you yourself put it out there..... Yet when you actually have to face someone, it's a little different. Suddenly you become aware of all you have said, and you can't help but feel a little self conscious.
Or maybe that's just me!
I do put a lot on facebook. I'm not sure how that is perceived by others, but in truth, I have never been one to hide much of anything about myself. I YAM what I YAM.....
But what I do know is what I put out there in my mind is what I'm sayin. But I cannot control how someone takes that information. So when someone says, "Oh ya...I read that on your facebook page...." I tend to get a little worrisome. I usually examine their face to see if they have disdain, or amusement.
I admit it. It's a little nutty how much I put out there.
But do you know in the last few weeks how many people have said to me, "I read your blog, and I swear you were writing about ME!"
THAT'S my point!!!
We are all the same. Crazy people living crazy lives and doing our best to come together from time to time to check in.
So with our reunion yesterday, I have to say; there was a very comfortable feeling. It was easy.
Thankfully because of Facebook we don't have to say to each other; "So....what have you been up to these last few years... because we know. We can start the conversation with, "How are the kids?" or whatever floats your boat. But you get my drift.
In the evening we went to a bar to convene as adults. It was really nice. It was actually a smaller group than the park. I know at this time in our lives, it gets crazy and hard to make time. So I'm glad for those who had the time to drop in. And I really hope they enjoyed themselves, because it looks like they did.
I don't know why some people don't feel the need to go back. I feel like we are all on a journey in life and people are a part of that journey; shaping us to who we are. How nice to check in with them once in a while to see how their life is progressing.
We are nothing without the people who helped create us - good or bad.
It's still fun to talk old times (for what we can remember of them).
I had a good time yesterday. Putting actual faces to the facebook avatars was nice. I'm thankful to those who traveled to visit. I hope you found it worth your time and I will look forward to seeing you in another 5!!!
Happy Sunday
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Reunion day
I got up at 6 and I already feel like I'm running behind.
Today is the reunion at the park. T W E N T Y F I V E Y E A R S..............
And though it is very low key, my mind is racing with this and that, and I'm putting more stuff on my plate, so there ya go. I'm behind.
I didn't officially sign up for this job. I simply asked, "Are we meeting for our 25th?"..... and just like that - I was elected.
I did have a little help. But to be honest, the whole thing was put together in a few calls. It is seriously nothing fancy.
I know people will complain, but it is what it is at this point. A day at the park with families; and a night at a bar with just the adults.
Easy peasy.
I'm not one for pomp and circumstance. As a matter of fact my attire includes a pair of ripped shorts, because I didn't have time to shop for anything new. - Attractive, no?
In reunion's of past, it was awkward. You would say, "HI!!! So...what have you been up to these last years". And people would tell you.
Now with Facebook, we know so much more about each other and in the last 5 years I have gained more 'friendships' than classmates. I know who's a good cook; what vacations people took (and who they went with). I know who has children and their names and ages (if I can remember).
My thought for the day is this will be a very comfortable gathering. (or those are my high hopes).
I know some people will get nervous, but within minutes (and maybe a little liquid courage), conversations will be flowing in no time.
Also, for the day, the kids will be there (sans mine). So it will be a nice distraction from the nerves if anyone has any.
I made cookies to share. Not sure what's going on for lunch. Everyone is bringing their own stuff. But it should be fun.
Tonite we will gather at a local bar and hang some more.
It is said that Facebook is killing the reunion 'business'. I can see how that can be the case. People are so used to seeing each other that it negates the need for a formal gathering.
However, in my opinion, you can post as many pictures as you'd like. It doesn't replace the face to face interaction; the sounds of actual conversation and laughter....or a hug.
Today will be fun. I'm looking forward to seeing whomever decides to show. And if it's only one or two people....we'll have plenty to talk about!
Happy Saturday
Today is the reunion at the park. T W E N T Y F I V E Y E A R S..............
And though it is very low key, my mind is racing with this and that, and I'm putting more stuff on my plate, so there ya go. I'm behind.
I didn't officially sign up for this job. I simply asked, "Are we meeting for our 25th?"..... and just like that - I was elected.
I did have a little help. But to be honest, the whole thing was put together in a few calls. It is seriously nothing fancy.
I know people will complain, but it is what it is at this point. A day at the park with families; and a night at a bar with just the adults.
Easy peasy.
I'm not one for pomp and circumstance. As a matter of fact my attire includes a pair of ripped shorts, because I didn't have time to shop for anything new. - Attractive, no?
In reunion's of past, it was awkward. You would say, "HI!!! So...what have you been up to these last years". And people would tell you.
Now with Facebook, we know so much more about each other and in the last 5 years I have gained more 'friendships' than classmates. I know who's a good cook; what vacations people took (and who they went with). I know who has children and their names and ages (if I can remember).
My thought for the day is this will be a very comfortable gathering. (or those are my high hopes).
I know some people will get nervous, but within minutes (and maybe a little liquid courage), conversations will be flowing in no time.
Also, for the day, the kids will be there (sans mine). So it will be a nice distraction from the nerves if anyone has any.
I made cookies to share. Not sure what's going on for lunch. Everyone is bringing their own stuff. But it should be fun.
Tonite we will gather at a local bar and hang some more.
It is said that Facebook is killing the reunion 'business'. I can see how that can be the case. People are so used to seeing each other that it negates the need for a formal gathering.
However, in my opinion, you can post as many pictures as you'd like. It doesn't replace the face to face interaction; the sounds of actual conversation and laughter....or a hug.
Today will be fun. I'm looking forward to seeing whomever decides to show. And if it's only one or two people....we'll have plenty to talk about!
Happy Saturday
Friday, July 20, 2012
Gut Instinct in Colorado
Okay, people are just CRAZY!!!! In 5 minutes I read about a nut in Colorado who opened fire in a movie theater. And in Philadelphia a man was caught on video trying to abduct a 10 year old girl....who was walking with her 2 year old brother!!!
Now, I know there are sick people out there and always have been....but why does it seem to be that there are more and more freaks nowadays than 20 or 30 years ago?
I am sure that part of it is because we have the Internet and camera's on every corner of the world.
But do you ever wonder what causes these sick people and doesn't anyone notice something is wrong with then before the commit their acts???
In the instance of James Holmes; the guy at the movie theater.....His mother said 'on gut instinct' "You have the right guy!"
SERIOUSLY????????????
She lives in California and he lives in Colorado and based on her gut instinct, she knows that her son did this??
I'm sorry lady.....WHY WAS THERE NO CALL TO THE POLICE THAT A PSYCHO LIVED IN COLORADO AS A POTENTIAL THREAT????
Are you living 3 states away from your son out of FEAR????
My mother always taught me, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for some day you may have to EAT them!" So I'm holding back.
As a mother I know my kids will do their own bidding's. And I know as a child, I certainly didn't follow every piece of advice from my own parents.
But I also never walked around with a ton of arsenal of life ending accessories!!!!
I swear people raise children they are afraid of. They refuse to tell their children "No" for fear they will be 'upset'.....
I know a very wise lady who advised me one time when my daughter was going off to middle school. She said to tell her, "You know who you are! You know our family values and you act accordingly".
Our family values......
To teach right from wrong; the Golden Rule; The Ten Commandments......that you don't always get what you want in life. That if you work hard....eventually it will pay off!!!!
Does anyone teach that anymore?
More often than not, kids learn by example. However, what I have seen many times is unbalanced children being placated by their parents and society because we are all so stretched thin that we don't have the time to stop and look at what is before us.
And as a result, the one being ignored is just in need of a little attention and a little correction.
If that doesn't happen then the internalizing process starts to take over. A kid in their head who can't process their thoughts. Pretty soon they are displaying signs in small ways that get overlooked, because no one is paying attention. And it grows from there......
Now that isn't always the case. But the truth is, in a situation like this Movie Theater catastrophe - my brain wants to put the pieces together and figure it out. And though it's natural to blame the mother, I usually throw leniency, because I myself would not want to be blamed. After all, when a kid turns 18....they are on their own.....
But when a mother says, "You've got the right person"...... doesn't that just turn your stomach a little?
It will be interesting to see how this story unfolds. A dozen people are already dead and a mother is flying back to Colorado to be with her 'accused' son. There is no righting this wrong.
But I can't help but wonder....could it have been prevented if someone - anyone just paid a little closer attention......
Praying for the families in Colorado... My heart goes out to you all.
And to the victims....Rest in Peace
Now, I know there are sick people out there and always have been....but why does it seem to be that there are more and more freaks nowadays than 20 or 30 years ago?
I am sure that part of it is because we have the Internet and camera's on every corner of the world.
But do you ever wonder what causes these sick people and doesn't anyone notice something is wrong with then before the commit their acts???
In the instance of James Holmes; the guy at the movie theater.....His mother said 'on gut instinct' "You have the right guy!"
SERIOUSLY????????????
She lives in California and he lives in Colorado and based on her gut instinct, she knows that her son did this??
I'm sorry lady.....WHY WAS THERE NO CALL TO THE POLICE THAT A PSYCHO LIVED IN COLORADO AS A POTENTIAL THREAT????
Are you living 3 states away from your son out of FEAR????
My mother always taught me, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for some day you may have to EAT them!" So I'm holding back.
As a mother I know my kids will do their own bidding's. And I know as a child, I certainly didn't follow every piece of advice from my own parents.
But I also never walked around with a ton of arsenal of life ending accessories!!!!
I swear people raise children they are afraid of. They refuse to tell their children "No" for fear they will be 'upset'.....
I know a very wise lady who advised me one time when my daughter was going off to middle school. She said to tell her, "You know who you are! You know our family values and you act accordingly".
Our family values......
To teach right from wrong; the Golden Rule; The Ten Commandments......that you don't always get what you want in life. That if you work hard....eventually it will pay off!!!!
Does anyone teach that anymore?
More often than not, kids learn by example. However, what I have seen many times is unbalanced children being placated by their parents and society because we are all so stretched thin that we don't have the time to stop and look at what is before us.
And as a result, the one being ignored is just in need of a little attention and a little correction.
If that doesn't happen then the internalizing process starts to take over. A kid in their head who can't process their thoughts. Pretty soon they are displaying signs in small ways that get overlooked, because no one is paying attention. And it grows from there......
Now that isn't always the case. But the truth is, in a situation like this Movie Theater catastrophe - my brain wants to put the pieces together and figure it out. And though it's natural to blame the mother, I usually throw leniency, because I myself would not want to be blamed. After all, when a kid turns 18....they are on their own.....
But when a mother says, "You've got the right person"...... doesn't that just turn your stomach a little?
It will be interesting to see how this story unfolds. A dozen people are already dead and a mother is flying back to Colorado to be with her 'accused' son. There is no righting this wrong.
But I can't help but wonder....could it have been prevented if someone - anyone just paid a little closer attention......
Praying for the families in Colorado... My heart goes out to you all.
And to the victims....Rest in Peace
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Countdown to reunion......
I swear I should start writing my blog at night. Right before bed my mind starts reeling on different things. The ideas are practically FLYING through my head. But by morning, I have slept them away and it takes about a gallon of coffee to bring them back. And I don't quite reach a gallon of coffee..... so here I am.....
It's two days until my reunion. 25 years. Jeez almighty. Where has the time gone?
Though it feels like yesterday, I struggle to formulate one memory from high school. It wasn't my favorite time. And I have no idea how I graduated, because my GPA was so low, it was embarrassing. But here I am 25 years later...they let me walk.
What's happened since then?
A lot. And not that much.
Isn't it funny how time passes? There are days you think will never end and years you can't remember? So weird.
I never thought I would look back on my yearbooks and say, "Who was that?" or "I don't remember them at all!" But I do.
I had a Teacher one time many many years ago say, "Make sure you put the last names when you sign the yearbooks. You WON'T remember them later, trust me!"
I thought to myself; "You are crazy lady...I will NEVER forget these people...." Guess what I tell my kids every year... (and they don't listen just like me).
The sad thing is; some of these kids were classmates since KINDERGARTEN....... and I don't remember them
I remember seeing an episode of Married with Children. Kelly (the daugher) was a stereotypical blond. The brother was way smarter and in one of the episodes, he had to help Kelly learn for a test.
When the parents checked in after a few days, Kelly was able to recite whatever information she needed. The parents were astounded.
The son said that because the daughter only has so much capacity in her brain, she may have forgotten other things in her life.
Then the doorbell rang. And the daughter looked around and said, "What's that noise?"
I have thought about that episode so many times over the years, because I truly believe my brain is maxed out on space and bumps old information as necessary.
Unfortunately; some of my schoolmates have hit the editing room floor along the way of my life.
Thankfully with Facebook I have reconnected or reintroduced myself to many and I will be seeing a few of those this weekend.
You know getting older is a mixed bag.... As a kid, you can't WAIT to grow older. You aren't 11 you are 11 and a HALF.....or almost 12. Then by the time you get to your 40s you are doing your best to forget your birthdays and duck under the radar as much as possible!!!
However, I wouldn't go back if I had the choice (well, except of course to see a few people who have since passed).
The insecurities and false sense of self. The acting cooler than you are scene.... ughhh... no thank you.
One thing I do remember as a kid....being oblivious of the issues I would have to face as an adult. And though I'm still oblivious to so many things in so many ways....I am way okay with where I am.
It will be fun to visit with everyone this weekend. Actually see them face to face.
Most of the people I am seeing were not from the circles I ran in high school. So thankfully when they say, "Remember when....?" I won't really have to because I wasn't a part of it and if I was, I wouldn't remember anyway so what's the difference right????
Here's to reminiscing and being at peace.
Happy Thursday
It's two days until my reunion. 25 years. Jeez almighty. Where has the time gone?
Though it feels like yesterday, I struggle to formulate one memory from high school. It wasn't my favorite time. And I have no idea how I graduated, because my GPA was so low, it was embarrassing. But here I am 25 years later...they let me walk.
What's happened since then?
A lot. And not that much.
Isn't it funny how time passes? There are days you think will never end and years you can't remember? So weird.
I never thought I would look back on my yearbooks and say, "Who was that?" or "I don't remember them at all!" But I do.
I had a Teacher one time many many years ago say, "Make sure you put the last names when you sign the yearbooks. You WON'T remember them later, trust me!"
I thought to myself; "You are crazy lady...I will NEVER forget these people...." Guess what I tell my kids every year... (and they don't listen just like me).
The sad thing is; some of these kids were classmates since KINDERGARTEN....... and I don't remember them
I remember seeing an episode of Married with Children. Kelly (the daugher) was a stereotypical blond. The brother was way smarter and in one of the episodes, he had to help Kelly learn for a test.
When the parents checked in after a few days, Kelly was able to recite whatever information she needed. The parents were astounded.
The son said that because the daughter only has so much capacity in her brain, she may have forgotten other things in her life.
Then the doorbell rang. And the daughter looked around and said, "What's that noise?"
I have thought about that episode so many times over the years, because I truly believe my brain is maxed out on space and bumps old information as necessary.
Unfortunately; some of my schoolmates have hit the editing room floor along the way of my life.
Thankfully with Facebook I have reconnected or reintroduced myself to many and I will be seeing a few of those this weekend.
You know getting older is a mixed bag.... As a kid, you can't WAIT to grow older. You aren't 11 you are 11 and a HALF.....or almost 12. Then by the time you get to your 40s you are doing your best to forget your birthdays and duck under the radar as much as possible!!!
However, I wouldn't go back if I had the choice (well, except of course to see a few people who have since passed).
The insecurities and false sense of self. The acting cooler than you are scene.... ughhh... no thank you.
One thing I do remember as a kid....being oblivious of the issues I would have to face as an adult. And though I'm still oblivious to so many things in so many ways....I am way okay with where I am.
It will be fun to visit with everyone this weekend. Actually see them face to face.
Most of the people I am seeing were not from the circles I ran in high school. So thankfully when they say, "Remember when....?" I won't really have to because I wasn't a part of it and if I was, I wouldn't remember anyway so what's the difference right????
Here's to reminiscing and being at peace.
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Getting back to it
SO - I joined a gym. LA Fitness to be exact.
On this break of mine, I want to get back to the shape I'm familiar with. As I watch everyone's posts on facebook about their daily workouts, and I see people around me getting skinnier; I have found myself more or less stagnant at my desk.
The problem has been finding time.
It amazes me how I can lose 52 lbs with 2 years of hard work and determination; keep it off for another 2 with no problem....and then start sinking into very old habits... And I let them sink back in.
Now, as a Weight Watchers leader, I see people coming back all the time. And their answer is always the same about why they gained their weight back, 'I thought I had it'.
Translation: I thought I was cured!!!!
I can honestly say, with as much as I would like to eat ALL DAY LONG, I know I will NEVER be cured of my weight issues.
I see it so clearly in my kids. Aspen has NO issues like me. When she is done eating - satisfied if you will - she wants nothing more to do with food.
Where Avery has my tendencies.... If she see's food, she'd like to take a bite.
I have said it before; I am raising me and my sister. Somehow there was a lesson in my life that I didn't get and God has sent me our Mini-me's to learn a lesson or something. And I'm sure Dad is laughing his tushy off in heaven every time Avery screams a fit at me.
But I digress.....
Though I haven't fallen that much off track; it has been showing a pattern. And THAT is what I am concerned about. Because that is how it starts.
One pattern was, "I don't have time to exercise" or "I will do it later today". And "later" never came. THAT was an old pattern.
I used to think I was active and so then it was no problem. But when you are jogging 3-6 miles a few times a week and doing strength training in between.....there is no daily activity to catch you up to that unless you are a waitress or door to door salesman.
I was fooling myself!!!
And in the process, I was watching my body lose its tight shape and start to get looser..... (*heavy sigh).
My sister has always "JUST" done things. She did jazzercise and then decided to become an instructor. Same with Pilate's. Then she took up running and now tours Europe to do Marathons. (I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I write....). For her it's a "Just do it" mentality.
YA...... totally didn't get that gene......
(*look of disdain on my face).....
SO..... What does that mean for me?
I have to work me ARSE off to even THINK about getting my shoes on to exercise. And I have to talk myself all the way through it.
I decided that IF I join a gym; I will go there every day for at least 30 minutes. And I will try classes to see what they are like. My first class was SPIN.
Have you ever taken a Spin Class??? I don't even ride a bike on a regular basis. But the bikes look cool and they do the class in the dark so no one can stare at my butt (which is what they all do, right?).
Now just to qualify....part of taking a class is not knowing what to do or why to do it. I'm a "why" person. If you want me to run up a hill full boar in 30 seconds or less, you better tell me some amazing benefits I will get from it, or I will just run it at my own pace.
So when I tell you this Spin teacher was amazing - you'd better believe it.
I knew spin was going to suck. I did it once before and I yelled at myself in my head for the first 20 minutes about "how'd I get here?" Then muddled through the class.
This time as I took a spot on my bike, the instructor was already started and was explaining how this is the time to make sure the bike is set properly for each body. She explained how much my leg should be extending; she explained the monitor on the bike and what each number meant and where we should target as we were peddling. This girl talked us through every single minute of the class.
I knew why I was doing it, how long I would be doing it, what RPM my bike should be at and most importantly that, 'It's really easy to cheat in Spin, but you should know you will get out what you put in and you should push yourself to feel uncomfortable to get the best benefits from the class....."
And just like that; I was in love!!!
I don't know if other instructors are that way, but I now know what I can look for in an instructor. I know my Pilates teacher is the same way and I adore him.
Why is this such a big deal? Because I spent a whole year with an instructor that forgot to mention where my weight should be shifted for certain moves and my body is still recovering from that.... :(
Good instructors make all the difference in the world. That goes for WW leaders too. You should always find someone who can guide you, build you up, challenge you and inform you.
With this awesome first experience at the gym, I'm looking forward to more classes; both in Spin and others. I'm going to explore as much as possible.
And though I will never be like my sister; I will always have to push myself harder and talk more to myself to constantly remind me that I will never be cured. But if I want results, I have to put the work in.
I'm glad I realize the difference between me and my sister. For years I thought something was wrong with me. Now I realize that she was adopted.
(not really).
It's all good. I'm glad that I'm pushing myself again. I have exercise scheduled every day this week. And next week will be the same. I will try some night classes (probably spin with same instructor). I have to make sure I have options at all times of the day.
It's not easy, but it is necessary. Obesity is a real problem in this country. And I do NOT want to be part of the problem, I'd rather be part of the solution!!
Happy Wednesday!!!
On this break of mine, I want to get back to the shape I'm familiar with. As I watch everyone's posts on facebook about their daily workouts, and I see people around me getting skinnier; I have found myself more or less stagnant at my desk.
The problem has been finding time.
It amazes me how I can lose 52 lbs with 2 years of hard work and determination; keep it off for another 2 with no problem....and then start sinking into very old habits... And I let them sink back in.
Now, as a Weight Watchers leader, I see people coming back all the time. And their answer is always the same about why they gained their weight back, 'I thought I had it'.
Translation: I thought I was cured!!!!
I can honestly say, with as much as I would like to eat ALL DAY LONG, I know I will NEVER be cured of my weight issues.
I see it so clearly in my kids. Aspen has NO issues like me. When she is done eating - satisfied if you will - she wants nothing more to do with food.
Where Avery has my tendencies.... If she see's food, she'd like to take a bite.
I have said it before; I am raising me and my sister. Somehow there was a lesson in my life that I didn't get and God has sent me our Mini-me's to learn a lesson or something. And I'm sure Dad is laughing his tushy off in heaven every time Avery screams a fit at me.
But I digress.....
Though I haven't fallen that much off track; it has been showing a pattern. And THAT is what I am concerned about. Because that is how it starts.
One pattern was, "I don't have time to exercise" or "I will do it later today". And "later" never came. THAT was an old pattern.
I used to think I was active and so then it was no problem. But when you are jogging 3-6 miles a few times a week and doing strength training in between.....there is no daily activity to catch you up to that unless you are a waitress or door to door salesman.
I was fooling myself!!!
And in the process, I was watching my body lose its tight shape and start to get looser..... (*heavy sigh).
My sister has always "JUST" done things. She did jazzercise and then decided to become an instructor. Same with Pilate's. Then she took up running and now tours Europe to do Marathons. (I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I write....). For her it's a "Just do it" mentality.
YA...... totally didn't get that gene......
(*look of disdain on my face).....
SO..... What does that mean for me?
I have to work me ARSE off to even THINK about getting my shoes on to exercise. And I have to talk myself all the way through it.
I decided that IF I join a gym; I will go there every day for at least 30 minutes. And I will try classes to see what they are like. My first class was SPIN.
Have you ever taken a Spin Class??? I don't even ride a bike on a regular basis. But the bikes look cool and they do the class in the dark so no one can stare at my butt (which is what they all do, right?).
Now just to qualify....part of taking a class is not knowing what to do or why to do it. I'm a "why" person. If you want me to run up a hill full boar in 30 seconds or less, you better tell me some amazing benefits I will get from it, or I will just run it at my own pace.
So when I tell you this Spin teacher was amazing - you'd better believe it.
I knew spin was going to suck. I did it once before and I yelled at myself in my head for the first 20 minutes about "how'd I get here?" Then muddled through the class.
This time as I took a spot on my bike, the instructor was already started and was explaining how this is the time to make sure the bike is set properly for each body. She explained how much my leg should be extending; she explained the monitor on the bike and what each number meant and where we should target as we were peddling. This girl talked us through every single minute of the class.
I knew why I was doing it, how long I would be doing it, what RPM my bike should be at and most importantly that, 'It's really easy to cheat in Spin, but you should know you will get out what you put in and you should push yourself to feel uncomfortable to get the best benefits from the class....."
And just like that; I was in love!!!
I don't know if other instructors are that way, but I now know what I can look for in an instructor. I know my Pilates teacher is the same way and I adore him.
Why is this such a big deal? Because I spent a whole year with an instructor that forgot to mention where my weight should be shifted for certain moves and my body is still recovering from that.... :(
Good instructors make all the difference in the world. That goes for WW leaders too. You should always find someone who can guide you, build you up, challenge you and inform you.
With this awesome first experience at the gym, I'm looking forward to more classes; both in Spin and others. I'm going to explore as much as possible.
And though I will never be like my sister; I will always have to push myself harder and talk more to myself to constantly remind me that I will never be cured. But if I want results, I have to put the work in.
I'm glad I realize the difference between me and my sister. For years I thought something was wrong with me. Now I realize that she was adopted.
(not really).
It's all good. I'm glad that I'm pushing myself again. I have exercise scheduled every day this week. And next week will be the same. I will try some night classes (probably spin with same instructor). I have to make sure I have options at all times of the day.
It's not easy, but it is necessary. Obesity is a real problem in this country. And I do NOT want to be part of the problem, I'd rather be part of the solution!!
Happy Wednesday!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Who gives you the right to be happy?
What gives YOU the right to be happy???
My dad asked me this question after I quit my job at the bank when I was 19 years old. .
.............
I looked at him like he had antennas coming out of his head. (and I'm sure he thought the same about me).
What a question to ask. For years I scratched my head wondering who would buy into his philosophy. As I got older it started making sense to me.
In his world there was no option. He grew up a hard working man. I would venture to say the hardest in his family (maybe aside from his eldest sister who probably helped raising all the kids.) He had 4 siblings; just like I did.
My dad worked hard from the time he was a child. He put himself through college and became a patent attorney, He knew about every side trade as well. He could build or repair cars, build cabinets, fix plumbing, do electrical and he could even whip up a lovely set of pleated curtains or sew a nice button down shirt for his kids (which he did do).
He was amazing.
He knew how to have fun. But when it came to taking care of his family, fun wasn't an option. He worked his job because he had to. There were no options when it came to taking care of his family. It had to be done.
Nowadays we have so many "outs" that it almost seems like being responsible is an option.
I knew when my dad passed, he was a dying breed. I honestly don't know anyone who was like him with his skills. My little brother probably took away the most skills. Although my oldest brothers pretty able as well.
As I think back on my dad, I respect him. We kids didn't know any different, because we had what we wanted. I didn't realize it was probably at a cost to him and his happiness.
I know he had happy moments. We did many things together. We had a boat for a short period of time. We had a camper when we were younger. One of my favorite memories is when we were asleep in the camper and I would wake to my mom and dad whispering quietly. I don't know why I love that memory so much, but I can still hear them talking sometimes.
I do believe we have a choice to be happy. I know it's hard to find it sometimes, but we do have a choice. Even when we are stressed out; you can have happy moments.
I have so many memories that make me smile I refuse to let them go. Sometimes they are what keeps me sane when I'm about to lose it.
Last night I got to go to the beach and take pictures. It was such a nice night, I loved the breeze on my face and the smell of the salty air. I was with my mom, who I deposited with the kids on a short wall as I shot. I looked over at one point and the tide was getting higher. The water was coming up to the wall. And instead of my mom moving....she just lifted her legs every time the water came in. It was such an amusing sight. She's not going to let a little tide get in her way of enjoying the moment.
I feel sad for people who have no joy.
When my dad asked me that question so many years ago, I know he was coming from a place of "being an adult comes with choices that don't always make us happy". But still; when he asked me that question, "Who gives you the right to be happy?" (and he was just inches from my face because this was a serious stand off), I simply looked him square in the eye and said, "I DO!!!"
I really don't remember what happened after that. I think I threw him a little bit with my answer.
It's kind of reminiscent of the other day when I asked Avery, "Is making all that noise necessary?" and her response was simply, "YES". For a moment, I wanted to scold her, but I was so impressed that she didn't back down in front of me that she kind of taught me a lesson. It's not all about me.
My dad found humor in me sometimes. But what I think he loved the most is that despite his numerous efforts to get me to take his path.... I went in my own direction. And I succeeded.
He once apologized to me for trying to force his thoughts into my life. He told me that he was wrong to try to get me to live life his way. He told me that he believed I would succeed in anything I chose to do. I will never forget that day.
For those of you out there trying to get me to see your way of thinking.... I hear what you are saying, but I am not you. And I'm sorry if me isn't what you want. I can only do what I do.
Happiness comes when you accept who you are. People will inevitably try to get you to see their way is better. But truth is; it's just different.
I learned a lot of lessons from my dad. Some he meant to teach....and others simply because I just learned.
I miss him terribly. But I'm so thankful for all he gave me. He was a genuine, no bulls*it person. Very much like myself. And for who I have become, I wouldn't change a thing of what I went through.
Happy Tuesday
My dad asked me this question after I quit my job at the bank when I was 19 years old. .
.............
I looked at him like he had antennas coming out of his head. (and I'm sure he thought the same about me).
What a question to ask. For years I scratched my head wondering who would buy into his philosophy. As I got older it started making sense to me.
In his world there was no option. He grew up a hard working man. I would venture to say the hardest in his family (maybe aside from his eldest sister who probably helped raising all the kids.) He had 4 siblings; just like I did.
My dad worked hard from the time he was a child. He put himself through college and became a patent attorney, He knew about every side trade as well. He could build or repair cars, build cabinets, fix plumbing, do electrical and he could even whip up a lovely set of pleated curtains or sew a nice button down shirt for his kids (which he did do).
He was amazing.
He knew how to have fun. But when it came to taking care of his family, fun wasn't an option. He worked his job because he had to. There were no options when it came to taking care of his family. It had to be done.
Nowadays we have so many "outs" that it almost seems like being responsible is an option.
I knew when my dad passed, he was a dying breed. I honestly don't know anyone who was like him with his skills. My little brother probably took away the most skills. Although my oldest brothers pretty able as well.
As I think back on my dad, I respect him. We kids didn't know any different, because we had what we wanted. I didn't realize it was probably at a cost to him and his happiness.
I know he had happy moments. We did many things together. We had a boat for a short period of time. We had a camper when we were younger. One of my favorite memories is when we were asleep in the camper and I would wake to my mom and dad whispering quietly. I don't know why I love that memory so much, but I can still hear them talking sometimes.
I do believe we have a choice to be happy. I know it's hard to find it sometimes, but we do have a choice. Even when we are stressed out; you can have happy moments.
I have so many memories that make me smile I refuse to let them go. Sometimes they are what keeps me sane when I'm about to lose it.
Last night I got to go to the beach and take pictures. It was such a nice night, I loved the breeze on my face and the smell of the salty air. I was with my mom, who I deposited with the kids on a short wall as I shot. I looked over at one point and the tide was getting higher. The water was coming up to the wall. And instead of my mom moving....she just lifted her legs every time the water came in. It was such an amusing sight. She's not going to let a little tide get in her way of enjoying the moment.
I feel sad for people who have no joy.
When my dad asked me that question so many years ago, I know he was coming from a place of "being an adult comes with choices that don't always make us happy". But still; when he asked me that question, "Who gives you the right to be happy?" (and he was just inches from my face because this was a serious stand off), I simply looked him square in the eye and said, "I DO!!!"
I really don't remember what happened after that. I think I threw him a little bit with my answer.
It's kind of reminiscent of the other day when I asked Avery, "Is making all that noise necessary?" and her response was simply, "YES". For a moment, I wanted to scold her, but I was so impressed that she didn't back down in front of me that she kind of taught me a lesson. It's not all about me.
My dad found humor in me sometimes. But what I think he loved the most is that despite his numerous efforts to get me to take his path.... I went in my own direction. And I succeeded.
He once apologized to me for trying to force his thoughts into my life. He told me that he was wrong to try to get me to live life his way. He told me that he believed I would succeed in anything I chose to do. I will never forget that day.
For those of you out there trying to get me to see your way of thinking.... I hear what you are saying, but I am not you. And I'm sorry if me isn't what you want. I can only do what I do.
Happiness comes when you accept who you are. People will inevitably try to get you to see their way is better. But truth is; it's just different.
I learned a lot of lessons from my dad. Some he meant to teach....and others simply because I just learned.
I miss him terribly. But I'm so thankful for all he gave me. He was a genuine, no bulls*it person. Very much like myself. And for who I have become, I wouldn't change a thing of what I went through.
Happy Tuesday
Sunday, July 15, 2012
You need a checker
Do you have a checker in your life? Someone who sets you right, no matter what?? If you don't; people are either afraid of you, can't be bothered, or you think you are perfect and in need of no one. (In which case, how many friends to you really have??)
I have come to realize we are all good at something. Strengths and weaknesses. All of us. Every one. No one is good at everything!!
I realized this last night as I was complaining to my BFF that my house is a mess and there is no hope for me. Julie (my BFF) is REALLY good at many things. She has a good brain and puts things together really easily. As she sat at dinner; trying to set me right on my beliefs; I couldn't help but feel depleted.
You ever feel like you say the same complaints over and over again so much that you are sick of hearing yourself??? If you have read my blog more than 5 days ever - you know what I'm talking about!!
I feel insufficient in so many ways. The house is a mess; the hubby gets frustrated; the kids don't listen, you can't formulate a thought.....over and over and over again!!! One can't help but feel like a failure......
Ever feel that way??
But then as dinner settles, and I get ready for the week: I realize I need to make breakfast burritos for the kids to grab and nuke.. As I'm scrambling the eggs and adding the pre-cooked sausage, I stir it up in 2 minutes flat. Julie takes the concoction and spins it into the perfect burrito (as she had years of experience with this), she hands it to me, I throw it in aluminum foil and onto the next until we are all done. 10 burritos in10 minutes. I ask her if she would like to take some home. She says, "Absolutely" (more or less)
I said, 'Julie; this is so easy to make, why don't you "just" throw them together at home?'
She said, "Well, Cat, though this is easy for YOU.....it's just not my thing!!!"
BAZINGA...... I just got a checker.
We all have our strengths.
And while I was beating myself up for all the 'crap' that I can't do easily....there are plenty of things that I CAN do easily. And it takes someone else to set me straight!!
We all need a checker in our lives. Someone to check in with and realize "we are good" the way we are!!
Alanis Morisette sings a song; "That I would be good"
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds......
That I would be loved.....
We need to realize that we ARE good. We are exactly as we were meant to be. We strive to be perfect; but perfect doesn't exist!!! And the people who act perfect are so freaky that they are uncomfortable to be around - wouldn't you agree???
My favorite people in the WORLD are the ones I have seen at their worst. Or the ones who have seen me at my worst...and are still my friend. The ones who hear my deepest thoughts and don't flinch..... the ones I have fought with-and talked it through.....the ones who see my house as it is....and want to come back because I am there - not because of what's on the floor.
My favorite people in the world know exactly who I am and love me anyways!!!
I have many checkers in my life. They aren't afraid to give me their honest thoughts. If I'm being a sh*t, they tell me. If I'm not to blame, they let me know.
We all need people to tell us what we don't want to hear. But also people who accept us as we are.
We are all unique. I say this often. Today it bears repeating.
I will never be an organized or consistent person. But it's that person who will run off to the beach at a moments notice with some kid we picked up along the way because they happened to be available.
That works for me. But it doesn't work for everyone.
I'm thankful for the moments when I am reminded of this. Because I HATE feeling insufficient.
Thanks to my checker, I realize I'm not insuffient.... I'm just.....me!
Happy Monday!
I have come to realize we are all good at something. Strengths and weaknesses. All of us. Every one. No one is good at everything!!
I realized this last night as I was complaining to my BFF that my house is a mess and there is no hope for me. Julie (my BFF) is REALLY good at many things. She has a good brain and puts things together really easily. As she sat at dinner; trying to set me right on my beliefs; I couldn't help but feel depleted.
You ever feel like you say the same complaints over and over again so much that you are sick of hearing yourself??? If you have read my blog more than 5 days ever - you know what I'm talking about!!
I feel insufficient in so many ways. The house is a mess; the hubby gets frustrated; the kids don't listen, you can't formulate a thought.....over and over and over again!!! One can't help but feel like a failure......
Ever feel that way??
But then as dinner settles, and I get ready for the week: I realize I need to make breakfast burritos for the kids to grab and nuke.. As I'm scrambling the eggs and adding the pre-cooked sausage, I stir it up in 2 minutes flat. Julie takes the concoction and spins it into the perfect burrito (as she had years of experience with this), she hands it to me, I throw it in aluminum foil and onto the next until we are all done. 10 burritos in10 minutes. I ask her if she would like to take some home. She says, "Absolutely" (more or less)
I said, 'Julie; this is so easy to make, why don't you "just" throw them together at home?'
She said, "Well, Cat, though this is easy for YOU.....it's just not my thing!!!"
BAZINGA...... I just got a checker.
We all have our strengths.
And while I was beating myself up for all the 'crap' that I can't do easily....there are plenty of things that I CAN do easily. And it takes someone else to set me straight!!
We all need a checker in our lives. Someone to check in with and realize "we are good" the way we are!!
Alanis Morisette sings a song; "That I would be good"
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds......
That I would be loved.....
We need to realize that we ARE good. We are exactly as we were meant to be. We strive to be perfect; but perfect doesn't exist!!! And the people who act perfect are so freaky that they are uncomfortable to be around - wouldn't you agree???
My favorite people in the WORLD are the ones I have seen at their worst. Or the ones who have seen me at my worst...and are still my friend. The ones who hear my deepest thoughts and don't flinch..... the ones I have fought with-and talked it through.....the ones who see my house as it is....and want to come back because I am there - not because of what's on the floor.
My favorite people in the world know exactly who I am and love me anyways!!!
I have many checkers in my life. They aren't afraid to give me their honest thoughts. If I'm being a sh*t, they tell me. If I'm not to blame, they let me know.
We all need people to tell us what we don't want to hear. But also people who accept us as we are.
We are all unique. I say this often. Today it bears repeating.
I will never be an organized or consistent person. But it's that person who will run off to the beach at a moments notice with some kid we picked up along the way because they happened to be available.
That works for me. But it doesn't work for everyone.
I'm thankful for the moments when I am reminded of this. Because I HATE feeling insufficient.
Thanks to my checker, I realize I'm not insuffient.... I'm just.....me!
Happy Monday!
Weekend fun
A day to myself..... How will I use it???
Actually, it's already planned for me and I'm already behind, because I slept in until 9! When does that ever happen? Hasn't happened for a while.
Chris went to take some boys to the movies; Chris' mom is coming to pick up the girls for a shopping trip and I will be firmly planted at my computer.
Who works on the weekends??? I DO!! Especially when there is no one hounding me to get them this, or do that or make me food......
I will have a very productive week, as I have no kids M-F from 9-4. Super excited about that.
I have had a lot of things thrown my way this past week, but they are fun summer things so I have said YES!!! I promised my kids a good summer and so far, I'm surprised at what they have chosen. Mostly dance.
Thankfully, I have the schedule to take them anytime and anywhere. It's so nice not having to juggle who's picking up whom at what time.... You know what I mean???
But today it's a bit more down to business for me. The clock is ticking and I have many things on my plate, so that will be my day.
The girls are still in bed as yet. It's almost 10am. What a treat for them. I remember sleeping my weekends away when I was a kid.
I don't know why it makes me feel just a little uncomfortable when they sleep in so late. The house is quiet and it's actually pretty nice. But something inside me feels a little off when they aren't up at nearly 10.
That said, I'm still letting them sleep....at least for another 30. Because after that, they will have to get up and get ready to go with Grandma.
My first order of business after my blog is to get this smokey smell out of my hair. We did s'mores last night and I sat in the thick of the smoke.
Have you ever had a peanut butter cup S'more before?? No the little ones....but the BIG Reese's cups. The peanut butter helps cut the sweetness....... absolutely yummy!!!
My second order of business is sign up with a local (small) fitness place. I need a treadmill or elliptical and I'm NOT buying another one. We have had two in our house over the last 10 years and they both sad idle for most of their stay with us.
My third order of business is to finish up my work. (or at least put a huge dent in it). I have some ideas brewing that I want to get to, but my work has to be finished first.
It's a beautiful day to be productive. I' ll likely end the day with the BFF and mom, but I haven't really gotten that far yet, so no promises.
Just take advantage of your day!!!
Happy Sunday!
Actually, it's already planned for me and I'm already behind, because I slept in until 9! When does that ever happen? Hasn't happened for a while.
Chris went to take some boys to the movies; Chris' mom is coming to pick up the girls for a shopping trip and I will be firmly planted at my computer.
Who works on the weekends??? I DO!! Especially when there is no one hounding me to get them this, or do that or make me food......
I will have a very productive week, as I have no kids M-F from 9-4. Super excited about that.
I have had a lot of things thrown my way this past week, but they are fun summer things so I have said YES!!! I promised my kids a good summer and so far, I'm surprised at what they have chosen. Mostly dance.
Thankfully, I have the schedule to take them anytime and anywhere. It's so nice not having to juggle who's picking up whom at what time.... You know what I mean???
But today it's a bit more down to business for me. The clock is ticking and I have many things on my plate, so that will be my day.
The girls are still in bed as yet. It's almost 10am. What a treat for them. I remember sleeping my weekends away when I was a kid.
I don't know why it makes me feel just a little uncomfortable when they sleep in so late. The house is quiet and it's actually pretty nice. But something inside me feels a little off when they aren't up at nearly 10.
That said, I'm still letting them sleep....at least for another 30. Because after that, they will have to get up and get ready to go with Grandma.
My first order of business after my blog is to get this smokey smell out of my hair. We did s'mores last night and I sat in the thick of the smoke.
Have you ever had a peanut butter cup S'more before?? No the little ones....but the BIG Reese's cups. The peanut butter helps cut the sweetness....... absolutely yummy!!!
My second order of business is sign up with a local (small) fitness place. I need a treadmill or elliptical and I'm NOT buying another one. We have had two in our house over the last 10 years and they both sad idle for most of their stay with us.
My third order of business is to finish up my work. (or at least put a huge dent in it). I have some ideas brewing that I want to get to, but my work has to be finished first.
It's a beautiful day to be productive. I' ll likely end the day with the BFF and mom, but I haven't really gotten that far yet, so no promises.
Just take advantage of your day!!!
Happy Sunday!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Wall-a-palooza
Yesterday was our dance banquet. They did something fun this year and took it to a skating rink.
I was very excited by this. Simply because I.love.skating.
In case you were wondering....YES.....this is where I go from "back when" to today...
I'm gonna say it..... here we go.....
BACK WHEN I WAS A KID we spent the days outdoors. Roller rinks were a regular thing and most of us didn't come home until the street lights came on! (However, in Villa Park, I don't remember street lights......
Anyway.....let's just say that when I walked into that rink yesterday, I couldn't wait to get my skates on. I didn't even sit with my kids while they got their skates from the counter. I just put mine on and hit the floor.
I believe my first skates had metal wheels. By the time I was an adult; you could find me at the rink skating adult nights every Thursday.
I didn't know anyone who couldn't skate.
So to skate around the rink and see all these kids hugging the walls was a bit of a surprise to me. Until I realized it is more or less a sign of the times.
I remember as a kid NEVER wanting to be like my parents with all their 'stupid' stories of how they had to be creative and find things to do because they were poor, or whatever. I was NEVER gonna be that parent!!
But I am.... And if you are a kid, reading this....YOU WILL BE TOO!!!!
You can't help but refer back to what you knew as a kid. And there are times that things seem a bit appalling. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by a lot of sweet kids. But there are some kids who play their parents like a fiddle!!! I know in my house growing up, there is no WAY that would happen. But today, it's more common than not.
Seeing how kids don't skate was a reminder of how things had changed. The funny thing was; if you knew these kids and you knew how incredibly talented they all are; how graceful or how agile - you would never guess it by the way some skated. I actually found it hilarious. And as I skated by some of the kids, backwards, I said, "Finally, something I can do better than YOU!!!" I did have a lot of fun with it.
It was surprising to see that some of the best skaters were us adults. But again, not a huge surprise!!! We certainly enjoyed our time there!!!
These kids have worked really hard this year. They are amazingly talented and it was a lot of fun to celebrate their accomplishments. It's hard to believe another year has gone by. I have watched my own kids grow leaps and bounds in ability and confidence. Aspen actually got voted Most Valuable Dancer for her team. We were both so surprised as there are so many great candidates in her dance.
It's really hard to look back at what I had and see what the kids of today have. There really is no comparison; times have changed. Kids aren't outside as much, so the inside 'sports' are taking over their lives.
It's just times like skating, when I remember how much fun I had (and still have), I can't help but think my kids are cheated, just a little bit, on how much fun they could be having. And the experiences they are missing out on. And they are experiences within my control.
I thought about getting my kids rollerblades and using them down at newport on the strand. And if I don't get that far, then RSM Lake is also a perfect candidate.
Just to get outside and enjoy the day.
My goal this summer is to include some of those fun activities. Along with hiking in Whiting Ranch (which is right up the road), and sunset visits to the lake.
We have a road trip planned this year. I can't wait to enjoy those adventures. I may even consider bringing my roller blades 'just in case.....'
Here's to a happy 'outdoors' childhood!!
Happy Saturday!
I was very excited by this. Simply because I.love.skating.
In case you were wondering....YES.....this is where I go from "back when" to today...
I'm gonna say it..... here we go.....
BACK WHEN I WAS A KID we spent the days outdoors. Roller rinks were a regular thing and most of us didn't come home until the street lights came on! (However, in Villa Park, I don't remember street lights......
Anyway.....let's just say that when I walked into that rink yesterday, I couldn't wait to get my skates on. I didn't even sit with my kids while they got their skates from the counter. I just put mine on and hit the floor.
I believe my first skates had metal wheels. By the time I was an adult; you could find me at the rink skating adult nights every Thursday.
I didn't know anyone who couldn't skate.
So to skate around the rink and see all these kids hugging the walls was a bit of a surprise to me. Until I realized it is more or less a sign of the times.
I remember as a kid NEVER wanting to be like my parents with all their 'stupid' stories of how they had to be creative and find things to do because they were poor, or whatever. I was NEVER gonna be that parent!!
But I am.... And if you are a kid, reading this....YOU WILL BE TOO!!!!
You can't help but refer back to what you knew as a kid. And there are times that things seem a bit appalling. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by a lot of sweet kids. But there are some kids who play their parents like a fiddle!!! I know in my house growing up, there is no WAY that would happen. But today, it's more common than not.
Seeing how kids don't skate was a reminder of how things had changed. The funny thing was; if you knew these kids and you knew how incredibly talented they all are; how graceful or how agile - you would never guess it by the way some skated. I actually found it hilarious. And as I skated by some of the kids, backwards, I said, "Finally, something I can do better than YOU!!!" I did have a lot of fun with it.
It was surprising to see that some of the best skaters were us adults. But again, not a huge surprise!!! We certainly enjoyed our time there!!!
These kids have worked really hard this year. They are amazingly talented and it was a lot of fun to celebrate their accomplishments. It's hard to believe another year has gone by. I have watched my own kids grow leaps and bounds in ability and confidence. Aspen actually got voted Most Valuable Dancer for her team. We were both so surprised as there are so many great candidates in her dance.
It's really hard to look back at what I had and see what the kids of today have. There really is no comparison; times have changed. Kids aren't outside as much, so the inside 'sports' are taking over their lives.
It's just times like skating, when I remember how much fun I had (and still have), I can't help but think my kids are cheated, just a little bit, on how much fun they could be having. And the experiences they are missing out on. And they are experiences within my control.
I thought about getting my kids rollerblades and using them down at newport on the strand. And if I don't get that far, then RSM Lake is also a perfect candidate.
Just to get outside and enjoy the day.
My goal this summer is to include some of those fun activities. Along with hiking in Whiting Ranch (which is right up the road), and sunset visits to the lake.
We have a road trip planned this year. I can't wait to enjoy those adventures. I may even consider bringing my roller blades 'just in case.....'
Here's to a happy 'outdoors' childhood!!
Happy Saturday!
Friday, July 13, 2012
And she says it again.....
I must be having a brain cramp. I thought it was 8:15 and it's only 7:15. I have a whole hour extra today! WOW....
I'm hoping today goes better than the last week or so. I have been pretty high strung and feeling like I'm in the middle of a bunch of stuff I don't want to be in the middle of.
Like anything I say to anyone will be taken wrong and be elevated to the next level.
I also think my filters are off. I'm hearing and interpreting things 'probably' not as they are said? I don't know. I just know that the closet sounds like a nice place to camp out for a while.
Ever feel that way?
I have said it before; I'm a slow processor. My brain has to evaluate every angle of something so it can move forward. "Proceed with Caution" as it were!!!
I used to think something was wrong with me until I met a fascinating man. He said, "My wife and I are totally different. She mulls things over, while I know right away. So what I do, is I write her a note in the morning about what I want to discuss, and we talk about it when we get home from work."
WOW....Seriously???
Yes, indeed. A man who recognizes the communicative differences in other human beings......
I had never really thought about it until then. And I don't think I realized that I was exactly like his wife, until I met my husband.
I have said it before; I am surrounded by people with quick brains. I'm not sure if that is by design, or that there are so few of "me" out there, that I'm screwed!
Catch me in an argument, and I'm dead in the water. I got into an argument with my roomie from PS and I only now am able to put together the pieces. We are talking slllloooowwwww!!!
My hubby gets mad because I tend to shut down when we are "discussing" things. Many times I will write him after the conversation breaks down. Interestingly enough, I can write my feelings WAY better than I can speak them. Does that make ANY SENSE whatsoever???
But when I'm writing, I'm not thinking of someone else's shortcomings; I'm thinking more from a situational standpoint. As there is no face in front of me, I can be a bit more objective. And therefore my communication is way more focused.
Now, I'm not saying I can't throw down, because there are times my articulate-ness comes flying through. If you get me in a situation where I'm passionate about something, then YOU are dead in the water.
I think my issue comes more from a not wanting to blame place. I hate the word BLAME.....
I was recently told by someone, "I'm not taking the blame for this". And I found it intriguing.
To Blame is to basically say, "This WHOLE situation is YOUR FAULT!!!"
And if that is the case, then fine. But more often than not, I find that the issue is lack of communication and understanding, personality differences, or plain old indifference.
More often than not; when I argue with something, communication has failed. Plain and simple.
Sadly we aren't taught to communicate. If you came from my family, I had to teach myself to do it. My family said nothing!!!
Thankfully, I attached myself to a lot of people who had a lot to say. So I learned the art of communication pretty well. It doesn't mean I use it all the time. But I certainly know how to!!!
In the last few months of being overwhelmed with my life, I have communicated less to my kids. I "tell" them things, but don't communicate a lot.
Yesterday, I told Avery something and she got really mad at me. She then proceeded to go to her room, lay on the floor and open and close the door with her foot. As the door squeaks and I'm trying to work this sound was annoying me. So I walked out of my office and looked at her (clearly P-d off on the floor) and I said, "That's really annoying...is that NECESSARY?" With her pouty face, she looked at me and said in a very pouty voice, "Yes...." For a nano second I was gonna get mad at her. But the look on her face - the disappointment and lack of understanding - made me drop my head a bit and smile at her. I couldn't deny it. She was trying to tell me something.
So I went over and sat on the floor next to her and told her exactly why I needed her to do what she was told. I explained it in simple terms and asked her questions to think about what I was saying.
After a few minutes I could see she got it. And her demeanor changed. I swear that kid gets me every time. She is just like me in she can't hide her feelings. And she also has a hard time processing her anger. I have to work with her quite a bit because I know EXACTLY how she feels!!!
More often than not the only thing that calms her down is communication. When I can identify how she is feeling 'for her' it makes her feel much better.
Wow....I just went in a few different directions, didn't I. There goes that extra hour I was talking about!!!
Just remember an ounce of frustration can be handled with an ounce of communication and a dash of understanding. Easier said than done most times, but practice makes perfect!!
Happy Friday!!
I'm hoping today goes better than the last week or so. I have been pretty high strung and feeling like I'm in the middle of a bunch of stuff I don't want to be in the middle of.
Like anything I say to anyone will be taken wrong and be elevated to the next level.
I also think my filters are off. I'm hearing and interpreting things 'probably' not as they are said? I don't know. I just know that the closet sounds like a nice place to camp out for a while.
Ever feel that way?
I have said it before; I'm a slow processor. My brain has to evaluate every angle of something so it can move forward. "Proceed with Caution" as it were!!!
I used to think something was wrong with me until I met a fascinating man. He said, "My wife and I are totally different. She mulls things over, while I know right away. So what I do, is I write her a note in the morning about what I want to discuss, and we talk about it when we get home from work."
WOW....Seriously???
Yes, indeed. A man who recognizes the communicative differences in other human beings......
I had never really thought about it until then. And I don't think I realized that I was exactly like his wife, until I met my husband.
I have said it before; I am surrounded by people with quick brains. I'm not sure if that is by design, or that there are so few of "me" out there, that I'm screwed!
Catch me in an argument, and I'm dead in the water. I got into an argument with my roomie from PS and I only now am able to put together the pieces. We are talking slllloooowwwww!!!
My hubby gets mad because I tend to shut down when we are "discussing" things. Many times I will write him after the conversation breaks down. Interestingly enough, I can write my feelings WAY better than I can speak them. Does that make ANY SENSE whatsoever???
But when I'm writing, I'm not thinking of someone else's shortcomings; I'm thinking more from a situational standpoint. As there is no face in front of me, I can be a bit more objective. And therefore my communication is way more focused.
Now, I'm not saying I can't throw down, because there are times my articulate-ness comes flying through. If you get me in a situation where I'm passionate about something, then YOU are dead in the water.
I think my issue comes more from a not wanting to blame place. I hate the word BLAME.....
I was recently told by someone, "I'm not taking the blame for this". And I found it intriguing.
To Blame is to basically say, "This WHOLE situation is YOUR FAULT!!!"
And if that is the case, then fine. But more often than not, I find that the issue is lack of communication and understanding, personality differences, or plain old indifference.
More often than not; when I argue with something, communication has failed. Plain and simple.
Sadly we aren't taught to communicate. If you came from my family, I had to teach myself to do it. My family said nothing!!!
Thankfully, I attached myself to a lot of people who had a lot to say. So I learned the art of communication pretty well. It doesn't mean I use it all the time. But I certainly know how to!!!
In the last few months of being overwhelmed with my life, I have communicated less to my kids. I "tell" them things, but don't communicate a lot.
Yesterday, I told Avery something and she got really mad at me. She then proceeded to go to her room, lay on the floor and open and close the door with her foot. As the door squeaks and I'm trying to work this sound was annoying me. So I walked out of my office and looked at her (clearly P-d off on the floor) and I said, "That's really annoying...is that NECESSARY?" With her pouty face, she looked at me and said in a very pouty voice, "Yes...." For a nano second I was gonna get mad at her. But the look on her face - the disappointment and lack of understanding - made me drop my head a bit and smile at her. I couldn't deny it. She was trying to tell me something.
So I went over and sat on the floor next to her and told her exactly why I needed her to do what she was told. I explained it in simple terms and asked her questions to think about what I was saying.
After a few minutes I could see she got it. And her demeanor changed. I swear that kid gets me every time. She is just like me in she can't hide her feelings. And she also has a hard time processing her anger. I have to work with her quite a bit because I know EXACTLY how she feels!!!
More often than not the only thing that calms her down is communication. When I can identify how she is feeling 'for her' it makes her feel much better.
Wow....I just went in a few different directions, didn't I. There goes that extra hour I was talking about!!!
Just remember an ounce of frustration can be handled with an ounce of communication and a dash of understanding. Easier said than done most times, but practice makes perfect!!
Happy Friday!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Nice Parenting......
What kind of mom doesn't want to plan her daughters birthday party?
This mom!
My poor child is practically chasing me around the house trying to plan her birthday party. She has the list, the ideas, the day, the time, and ideas for the 'goodie bags'.....all I have to do is pull the trigger.
And what do I do? I find myself running around the house trying to avoid her and not give eye contact for fear that she'll "Get me".
How pathetic am I???
This time of year always makes me cringe. I am NOT a planner!!! (May I remind you the Mothers day where I forgot to invite the Mother???)
She wants a sleepover - I don't.
She wants it at the house - I don't.
She wants a ton of activities - I have to officiate
She even knows who she wants to make her cake (and it's not me).
So what is my opposition? Someone's feelings always get hurt.
Birthday's have stressed me out since they were little. I think the only one I really enjoyed was Aspen's 1st bday. There were 50 people there - all adults. It was at a park and it was hotter than Hades outside. Poor Aspen had a random fever (which she has suffered at least 4 of her birthdays - weird) and I was so excited to celebrate her first year!!! Easy peasy.
Now, fast forward 11 years and I'm fit to be tied.....and put in a corner.....because I don't wanna do it.
One year in particular, I had to tell a friend that her daughter wasn't invited. I was crushed. Another year I lied to a friend saying we didn't have a party.
It just kills me!
My husband rolls his eyes, "Just do it. What's the big deal?" Ya.....what's the big deal (mom's help me out here).
It's become a well-versed thing for my kids, "Don't tell your friends you are going to so and so's party, because not EVERYONE was invited!" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
We just went through that recently with a party one of the girls was invited to. It's just crazy!!!
Do you remember such fuss when WE were growing up??? I got handed a few bucks to go to Ralph's and buy a "day old" cake. (Yes, I'm serious). I remember one year my cake was even lopsided. There was 3 inches of icing on one side and barely a mm of icing on the other. I remember my sister laughing her head off at me about it. SHE PICKED IT OUT!!! Brat! I think I ended up laughing too....after the tears of course.
It's not that I don't want to celebrate my kids. We always have a family birthday and that is fun. But the friends thing is just a little more complicated than I wish to engage.
The sad part in all this, poor Avery said (after hours of my avoidance)....doesn't ANYONE want to talk about my birthday??? (Gosh, I suck as a mom!!!!)
If my husband loves me, he will step up to the plate. (hint hint)..... But my feeling is we will go forward with this. For goodness sake, it's already planned!!! I just have to throw out the Evite (doesn't get any easier than that) and do it.
Please wish me luck that no little hearts get hurt and that my children can keep quiet. If I go forward with this, it may be a VERY small offering. Her list is pretty long, and I'm just not that rich to get all those goodie bags and all the stuff she wants in it......
So glad it's a summer birthday.... School year birthdays everyone's feelings get hurt!!
Here's to happy birthdays for all!
Happy Thursday
This mom!
My poor child is practically chasing me around the house trying to plan her birthday party. She has the list, the ideas, the day, the time, and ideas for the 'goodie bags'.....all I have to do is pull the trigger.
And what do I do? I find myself running around the house trying to avoid her and not give eye contact for fear that she'll "Get me".
How pathetic am I???
This time of year always makes me cringe. I am NOT a planner!!! (May I remind you the Mothers day where I forgot to invite the Mother???)
She wants a sleepover - I don't.
She wants it at the house - I don't.
She wants a ton of activities - I have to officiate
She even knows who she wants to make her cake (and it's not me).
So what is my opposition? Someone's feelings always get hurt.
Birthday's have stressed me out since they were little. I think the only one I really enjoyed was Aspen's 1st bday. There were 50 people there - all adults. It was at a park and it was hotter than Hades outside. Poor Aspen had a random fever (which she has suffered at least 4 of her birthdays - weird) and I was so excited to celebrate her first year!!! Easy peasy.
Now, fast forward 11 years and I'm fit to be tied.....and put in a corner.....because I don't wanna do it.
One year in particular, I had to tell a friend that her daughter wasn't invited. I was crushed. Another year I lied to a friend saying we didn't have a party.
It just kills me!
My husband rolls his eyes, "Just do it. What's the big deal?" Ya.....what's the big deal (mom's help me out here).
It's become a well-versed thing for my kids, "Don't tell your friends you are going to so and so's party, because not EVERYONE was invited!" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
We just went through that recently with a party one of the girls was invited to. It's just crazy!!!
Do you remember such fuss when WE were growing up??? I got handed a few bucks to go to Ralph's and buy a "day old" cake. (Yes, I'm serious). I remember one year my cake was even lopsided. There was 3 inches of icing on one side and barely a mm of icing on the other. I remember my sister laughing her head off at me about it. SHE PICKED IT OUT!!! Brat! I think I ended up laughing too....after the tears of course.
It's not that I don't want to celebrate my kids. We always have a family birthday and that is fun. But the friends thing is just a little more complicated than I wish to engage.
The sad part in all this, poor Avery said (after hours of my avoidance)....doesn't ANYONE want to talk about my birthday??? (Gosh, I suck as a mom!!!!)
If my husband loves me, he will step up to the plate. (hint hint)..... But my feeling is we will go forward with this. For goodness sake, it's already planned!!! I just have to throw out the Evite (doesn't get any easier than that) and do it.
Please wish me luck that no little hearts get hurt and that my children can keep quiet. If I go forward with this, it may be a VERY small offering. Her list is pretty long, and I'm just not that rich to get all those goodie bags and all the stuff she wants in it......
So glad it's a summer birthday.... School year birthdays everyone's feelings get hurt!!
Here's to happy birthdays for all!
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
More Blah blah blah
There is something about coming home. Walking in the door with familiar faces and surroundings. There is somthing about the comfort of a routine.
Funny how snuggling down to what you know brings you a sense of peace.
My mind was abuzz with all the fun we can have this summer but within minutes of being home, Aspen found a class she wanted to take and we were back out the door. By the time she started her class, we had her signed up for at least 8 hours a week in classes.
So it continues. And we haven't even scheduled Avery yet......
I don't know why I feel I deserve a break. But I sure like when they happen. Apprarently it isn't in the cards any time soon, which is okay.
I think at this point, I wouldn't know what to do with a break.
People who have had children seem to get it. Kids can take over your life. Between that and my photography business, my day is pretty well booked. My goal is to be able to find niches of time to enjoy the kids this summer.
The weather has been mild, which is nice. When in Palm Springs we were hit with 114 degree heat. When we came home it was 'only' 90. Aspen said, "Mom, we'll need a jacket here!" LOL Too cute!
I feel such a sense of relieve having the summer off. "Off" being figurative and not literal!
I remember when I was having Aspen and I thought being home with her when I was off work would give me plenty of time to relax. ...... LOL..... Ever have a baby??? There IS no time!
It's the same now. "off" work, and no time. But that's okay. I have many plans to keep me busy. I may take some time off my blog, but I'm not sure. It's become a part of me and it gets me thinking so as of now, I will keep it going. But there are times I sit down and it's hard to formulate anything in my brain!!!
I spent the weekend in a room with a friend. I watched her immediately start organizing the room. I don't have this gene, so I just watched her. She was very methodical. I was quite impressed. She actually put away some of the girls costumes too. The only problem was, I couldn't find them. Outta site outta mind. It was 6:30 am and I was doing my best not to wake anyone and I didn't even think that Avery's costume might actually be in the closet hanging up!!! LOL Only me, I swear!!!
My point was; as I watched her very organized ways, I was made very aware that my brain does not compute that on any level. I wish to GOD it did, but ask my sister.....it ain't there!! (insert sad face).
HOWEVER..... that's my point for the summer. Trying to get some of that 'stuff' going on for myself!
But for today, (first day back from Palm Springs), I'm gonna take it easy and start making my lists. I once saw a friend's white board categorized with all her summer chores. I was so impressed, I think I will start there with the girls. Chris has been offering to bring some white boards home, and it's very possible we have a place for them now!!!!
I hope your summer is relaxing and fun. Remember, kids are only little once! They will NEVER be THIS age again, ever!!! So take advantage of every single moment!
This weekend at Palm Springs was a huge reminder of that!!! As I watched my friends daughter perform for AND WIN National Championships, I was teary eyed and full of pride!!! I tried to take in every single moment of there dance, and record in my mind the sounds of the screams and cheers when their names were called!!! I can still feel the excitement in my heart!!!
Next year will be completely different. They will be older.
Enjoy today!! It's all we have!
Happy Wednesday!
Funny how snuggling down to what you know brings you a sense of peace.
My mind was abuzz with all the fun we can have this summer but within minutes of being home, Aspen found a class she wanted to take and we were back out the door. By the time she started her class, we had her signed up for at least 8 hours a week in classes.
So it continues. And we haven't even scheduled Avery yet......
I don't know why I feel I deserve a break. But I sure like when they happen. Apprarently it isn't in the cards any time soon, which is okay.
I think at this point, I wouldn't know what to do with a break.
People who have had children seem to get it. Kids can take over your life. Between that and my photography business, my day is pretty well booked. My goal is to be able to find niches of time to enjoy the kids this summer.
The weather has been mild, which is nice. When in Palm Springs we were hit with 114 degree heat. When we came home it was 'only' 90. Aspen said, "Mom, we'll need a jacket here!" LOL Too cute!
I feel such a sense of relieve having the summer off. "Off" being figurative and not literal!
I remember when I was having Aspen and I thought being home with her when I was off work would give me plenty of time to relax. ...... LOL..... Ever have a baby??? There IS no time!
It's the same now. "off" work, and no time. But that's okay. I have many plans to keep me busy. I may take some time off my blog, but I'm not sure. It's become a part of me and it gets me thinking so as of now, I will keep it going. But there are times I sit down and it's hard to formulate anything in my brain!!!
I spent the weekend in a room with a friend. I watched her immediately start organizing the room. I don't have this gene, so I just watched her. She was very methodical. I was quite impressed. She actually put away some of the girls costumes too. The only problem was, I couldn't find them. Outta site outta mind. It was 6:30 am and I was doing my best not to wake anyone and I didn't even think that Avery's costume might actually be in the closet hanging up!!! LOL Only me, I swear!!!
My point was; as I watched her very organized ways, I was made very aware that my brain does not compute that on any level. I wish to GOD it did, but ask my sister.....it ain't there!! (insert sad face).
HOWEVER..... that's my point for the summer. Trying to get some of that 'stuff' going on for myself!
But for today, (first day back from Palm Springs), I'm gonna take it easy and start making my lists. I once saw a friend's white board categorized with all her summer chores. I was so impressed, I think I will start there with the girls. Chris has been offering to bring some white boards home, and it's very possible we have a place for them now!!!!
I hope your summer is relaxing and fun. Remember, kids are only little once! They will NEVER be THIS age again, ever!!! So take advantage of every single moment!
This weekend at Palm Springs was a huge reminder of that!!! As I watched my friends daughter perform for AND WIN National Championships, I was teary eyed and full of pride!!! I tried to take in every single moment of there dance, and record in my mind the sounds of the screams and cheers when their names were called!!! I can still feel the excitement in my heart!!!
Next year will be completely different. They will be older.
Enjoy today!! It's all we have!
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Done Deal
OMG......it's over!!! How did that happen so fast????,
Now, I gotta admit; for the most part, it didn't feel fast. There were times I wondered "How long have we been here?" And yesterday, I'm telling you, I'm not the ONLY one who melted down.
I was thinking we should do a body count of children, because I saw a number of people who were SO done with their children; and I saw a ton of children melting down.
The pressure, the heat, the lodging, the foraging for food, the WAITING...... eventually somethings gotta give, right??? Well, it did. I saw so many parents with "those" faces, trailing their kids in the halls with their own version of misery. In some ways it was a little comical. As I make up stories in my head, it was a fun day.....until I had my own meltdown.
I struggle with anxiety. I manage it pretty well at home, because life is almost predictable there. But when you travel, you take all predictability out of the equation. Throw in TONS of people and having to search for your kids MULTIPLE times throughout the day, and VOILA!!!! Recipe for disaster. (for me anyways).
The one thing that is so hard about anxiety, is people don't realize how it festers inside of you. I fight with myself all day long to maintain control. There are times I want to absolutely lose it, and I'm usually told that it's not apparent. For that I am thankful.
However, when I blow....there is NO turning back. I spin out of control and it's a done deal. The best I can hope for is a closet to hide in.
Last night there was no closet.
I just hope the damage doesn't scar my children who are becoming well versed in anxiety. I'm very thankful for them. I talk to them about how I'm feeling, so when I lash out they know it's not them. They may not understand it, but they don't have to take the fall for it either.
This weekend has been an amazing and emotional one. I have seen parents at their wits end with their kids and I have seen kids at their wits end with their parents.
There have been times I have laughed, because I can tell what's going on without even asking.
Yesterday, I watched a girl demand something from her mom, and the mom very calmly said; YOU can go back to your seat; come back and ask me again nicely.... The little girl did just that! I laughed so hard.
Competition is a mixed blessing. It's a quick vacation that you never would have taken... but then it's a lot of dead time in between.
I have realized before I'm not a "lounging" vacationer. To sit by the pool is not my idea of fun. I think I really like sightseeing and doing stuff.
But the fun side of all this has been getting to hang with the parents.
Yes..there has been drama. And I have been in some of it. But I think much of that comes from the heat, and the unpredictable living circumstances.
Thankfully, everything turned out okay. I just wish I could take it back. Ughhhh......
But as I leave this competition, the drama will be left behind. I will be left with the great memories of our very first Mom's dance and the fact that we moms FINALLY got to share a Nationals experience with our kids. As I exited the stage yesterday, with trembling hands, I was faced with two beauties trying to get to me for a hug!!! What a proud and great moment!!!
This competition was a lot easier for us. I think we realized we had it in us, we just had to deliver it. And I think we did!! Will we ever be at Olympic levels? Probably not. But that isn't the point now is it. It's that we committed to something, stuck it out and showed our kids that when we sign up for something WE FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!! So, I'm proud to be that example for my children, because there were a few brief moments along the way where I thought about bolting. But when I thought of my children, I realized I want to do the best that I can and be proud of myself for that!
And I was...... more importantly, so were they!!! Talk about great moments!!
Thank you MV Dance and Mookie for giving us this opportunity to show us we CAN do it!! You took a group of moms and you delivered us to NATIONALS!!
Many of us started out thinking, "I can't do this!"..... And we are leaving with a feeling of, "If I could do THIS...What ELSE can I do?" You may have just created a monster. And for that we are grateful!!!
Thank you....from the ORIGINAL MV Mom Crew!!!!
Now, I gotta admit; for the most part, it didn't feel fast. There were times I wondered "How long have we been here?" And yesterday, I'm telling you, I'm not the ONLY one who melted down.
I was thinking we should do a body count of children, because I saw a number of people who were SO done with their children; and I saw a ton of children melting down.
The pressure, the heat, the lodging, the foraging for food, the WAITING...... eventually somethings gotta give, right??? Well, it did. I saw so many parents with "those" faces, trailing their kids in the halls with their own version of misery. In some ways it was a little comical. As I make up stories in my head, it was a fun day.....until I had my own meltdown.
I struggle with anxiety. I manage it pretty well at home, because life is almost predictable there. But when you travel, you take all predictability out of the equation. Throw in TONS of people and having to search for your kids MULTIPLE times throughout the day, and VOILA!!!! Recipe for disaster. (for me anyways).
The one thing that is so hard about anxiety, is people don't realize how it festers inside of you. I fight with myself all day long to maintain control. There are times I want to absolutely lose it, and I'm usually told that it's not apparent. For that I am thankful.
However, when I blow....there is NO turning back. I spin out of control and it's a done deal. The best I can hope for is a closet to hide in.
Last night there was no closet.
I just hope the damage doesn't scar my children who are becoming well versed in anxiety. I'm very thankful for them. I talk to them about how I'm feeling, so when I lash out they know it's not them. They may not understand it, but they don't have to take the fall for it either.
This weekend has been an amazing and emotional one. I have seen parents at their wits end with their kids and I have seen kids at their wits end with their parents.
There have been times I have laughed, because I can tell what's going on without even asking.
Yesterday, I watched a girl demand something from her mom, and the mom very calmly said; YOU can go back to your seat; come back and ask me again nicely.... The little girl did just that! I laughed so hard.
Competition is a mixed blessing. It's a quick vacation that you never would have taken... but then it's a lot of dead time in between.
I have realized before I'm not a "lounging" vacationer. To sit by the pool is not my idea of fun. I think I really like sightseeing and doing stuff.
But the fun side of all this has been getting to hang with the parents.
Yes..there has been drama. And I have been in some of it. But I think much of that comes from the heat, and the unpredictable living circumstances.
Thankfully, everything turned out okay. I just wish I could take it back. Ughhhh......
But as I leave this competition, the drama will be left behind. I will be left with the great memories of our very first Mom's dance and the fact that we moms FINALLY got to share a Nationals experience with our kids. As I exited the stage yesterday, with trembling hands, I was faced with two beauties trying to get to me for a hug!!! What a proud and great moment!!!
This competition was a lot easier for us. I think we realized we had it in us, we just had to deliver it. And I think we did!! Will we ever be at Olympic levels? Probably not. But that isn't the point now is it. It's that we committed to something, stuck it out and showed our kids that when we sign up for something WE FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!! So, I'm proud to be that example for my children, because there were a few brief moments along the way where I thought about bolting. But when I thought of my children, I realized I want to do the best that I can and be proud of myself for that!
And I was...... more importantly, so were they!!! Talk about great moments!!
Thank you MV Dance and Mookie for giving us this opportunity to show us we CAN do it!! You took a group of moms and you delivered us to NATIONALS!!
Many of us started out thinking, "I can't do this!"..... And we are leaving with a feeling of, "If I could do THIS...What ELSE can I do?" You may have just created a monster. And for that we are grateful!!!
Thank you....from the ORIGINAL MV Mom Crew!!!!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Teamwork
We are quite the team, let me tell you! NOT the dancers....but the MOMs!!!
As I am sitting in my room, Aspen has been escorted with another friend and her mom.
This whole weekend has been about coordination, and teamwork. And it really makes for a pleasant experience.
Three of us moms worked on coordinating food, drinks, and luckily, we are place right next to each other in our rooms.
Sandy brought breakfast stuff, and we brought lunch and dinner stuff. Both of us brought various snacks, so we are covered with food, minimizing the expense of all the food. I bring the coffee maker for our daily coffe latte drinks, and sandy has been great with the cocktails, we are covered on all ends!
I remember last year at the pool; one of the moms said, "THIS is why we do competition!". As I looked around at all the kids and all the parents, I realized, she was right. What fun it was to see all our kids who have worked so hard, actually enjoying each others company.
It has been said many times this week how great our studio is in regards to the children and how respectful and supportive they are of each other. But as I think of how well the parents work together to coordinate and cover for each other in so many ways, I can see that we are a good example for our children.
Did I just toot my own horn? You betcha!
This week, we have been a pretty seamless team. Yesterday, chris took the kids to the pool while I worked, and when we all came up to the room, I relieved her of duty with mine hers and other peoples children. It was a pass off as easy as a relay.......
This morning, I texted sandy about coffee.... She said yes. As I delivered her coffee, I grabbed a bagel and cream cheese from her room and had breakfast. How nice is that?
Today we are competing as the moms group. And Aspen goes on this morning.
It is a bittersweet day, because this marks the last day of our competition season.
On some levels it is a relief. No more make up....no more bling....no more ready times. But on the other hand, there is no more pool party, and no more awards.....
Today I will do my best to mark the day with lots of pictures. I will look for Sayde and Emily to see if they are wearing yet another matching shirt set. I will see if Miranda is ready for another close up. And I will watch all the kids climb on mookie like an E-ticket ride.
I will do my best to catch it all, because tomorrow is another year away. And though I am sure today will feel like yesterday next year at this time.... As I am sitting and writing, it feels like a long ways away!!
Enjoy the moments. They are all we have.
Happy Monday
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Avery's Day
Competition day! Woohooo..... Avery goes on at 9:20.
We had to get up extra early as her call time was 8am. I was paranoid to miss waking up, so I made sure two alarm clocks ready to go. But as it turned out, I didn't need it, because I couldn't sleep!
It's just bad as a night before traveling. Every time I got up, it was way earlier than I needed to be up.
And then my favorite is waking up one hour before I'm supposed to be up. Not nearly enough time to go back to sleep as I will wake up groggy and exhausted. So I laid down for another half hour with my mind running crazy!!! I really hate that!!
Then as it turned out, one of my alarm clocks drained of battery.... SO it was a blessing I didn't fall back asleep!!
I worried about getting Avery out of bed, because she is like me....a bear in the morning. However, I whispered in her ear and she quietly got out of bed and joined me in the bathroom. As we were both getting ready, she did what she could for herself; and then waited for me to finish the rest.
She was so funny, because she was insistant she could do her own hair. I assured her she was right. She COULD do her own hair..... for dance class. But NOT SO MUCH for competition! So I grabbed her comb and worked my magic. Only turns out "my" magic isn't quite good enough for competition either...... Thank GOD for the dance teachers. I won't lie; I had a feeling as I was doing it, but I wasn't gonna show fear in front of my daughter! LOL
As we rolled into the convention center we were the 4th to arrive for the team. I'm so glad we weren't last. It gave us enough time to get Avery's hair fixed.
As I write, I am waiting for Avery to go on. I'm wedged in a corner on the floor with my laptop, ready to get some work done while I wait.
Competition is such a funny thing. So many people just sitting here waiting.
I'm with a group and we are all waiting for the dance. When our team comes on, we will run from our corner, cheer on our team, screaming and whistling as loud as we can; and then return to our corner.
Okay.....she just danced. Loved it. They did a great job!
It is so exhilarating to see your child on stage working together as a team. I'm so proud of this team as they have pulled of a few Platinums. It's just amazing how quickly the time goes on stage vs the amount of time put into the dance. It goes so quickly.
Tomorrow is the big day. Most of the girls we are with will be dancing and then mom's dance goes on tomorrow night. I'm excited and nervous. I'm already staring at the stage visualizing myself out there. I think that will help calm my nerves. The other thing is with nationals, people are coming and going, so there won't be as many people staring at us, which is nice.
This is it for us. So I think we will be much calmer than in the past.
Our teacher is already talking about 'next years' routine..... I think I'm in for anotehr go-round. But I guess we will have to see about that.
Best of Luck to all the Teams out there!!!
Happy Sunday
We had to get up extra early as her call time was 8am. I was paranoid to miss waking up, so I made sure two alarm clocks ready to go. But as it turned out, I didn't need it, because I couldn't sleep!
It's just bad as a night before traveling. Every time I got up, it was way earlier than I needed to be up.
And then my favorite is waking up one hour before I'm supposed to be up. Not nearly enough time to go back to sleep as I will wake up groggy and exhausted. So I laid down for another half hour with my mind running crazy!!! I really hate that!!
Then as it turned out, one of my alarm clocks drained of battery.... SO it was a blessing I didn't fall back asleep!!
I worried about getting Avery out of bed, because she is like me....a bear in the morning. However, I whispered in her ear and she quietly got out of bed and joined me in the bathroom. As we were both getting ready, she did what she could for herself; and then waited for me to finish the rest.
She was so funny, because she was insistant she could do her own hair. I assured her she was right. She COULD do her own hair..... for dance class. But NOT SO MUCH for competition! So I grabbed her comb and worked my magic. Only turns out "my" magic isn't quite good enough for competition either...... Thank GOD for the dance teachers. I won't lie; I had a feeling as I was doing it, but I wasn't gonna show fear in front of my daughter! LOL
As we rolled into the convention center we were the 4th to arrive for the team. I'm so glad we weren't last. It gave us enough time to get Avery's hair fixed.
As I write, I am waiting for Avery to go on. I'm wedged in a corner on the floor with my laptop, ready to get some work done while I wait.
Competition is such a funny thing. So many people just sitting here waiting.
I'm with a group and we are all waiting for the dance. When our team comes on, we will run from our corner, cheer on our team, screaming and whistling as loud as we can; and then return to our corner.
Okay.....she just danced. Loved it. They did a great job!
It is so exhilarating to see your child on stage working together as a team. I'm so proud of this team as they have pulled of a few Platinums. It's just amazing how quickly the time goes on stage vs the amount of time put into the dance. It goes so quickly.
Tomorrow is the big day. Most of the girls we are with will be dancing and then mom's dance goes on tomorrow night. I'm excited and nervous. I'm already staring at the stage visualizing myself out there. I think that will help calm my nerves. The other thing is with nationals, people are coming and going, so there won't be as many people staring at us, which is nice.
This is it for us. So I think we will be much calmer than in the past.
Our teacher is already talking about 'next years' routine..... I think I'm in for anotehr go-round. But I guess we will have to see about that.
Best of Luck to all the Teams out there!!!
Happy Sunday
Friday, July 6, 2012
Delivery of a performance
There is such a journey to performing. Getting the dance down is step one! You may think it is the hardest part, but you are wrong.
There is a whole language to delivering dance.
The first step is learning the movement. But that is literally the ABC of the dance. After that is the words, which is the intention of the movement, and then sentences and paragraphs are the emotion of the intention of the movement.
As we prepare for our dance this weekend, I feel we have only learned the movement.
Now, this is no disrespect to our teacher, because he has explained the communication of the dance. But I think for a lot of us, we were stuck in the mechanics of it all and haven't totally moved past that.
And as we move into our final competition, I think we need to work on "bringing it" with the intention and the emotion of it all.
But can we do it?
At this time, I am not sure we have the background, motivation to bring it all forward. And I gotta admit.... I am concerned,
In our dance, we are excited, because we are there to celebrate! As the dance progresses, we become more intense, until we get to the end where we are angry and ready to throw down. This is where the Krump section comes in.
I really badly want to deliver this piece with intention, but I fear my insecurities in my ability will cause me to be less than capable of pulling the facials necessary to 'bring it'.
If you know our teacher, then you will know that each one of us wants to bring it for him. But if there is a mental block on any level, then we are in trouble.
I remember the question actors ask, "What's my motivation?".
I know for me, I need a motivation to go on.
I will be thinking about that as I don't want all my pictures to look like my last performance....all the same........
I have seen some great performances from some of our teams. And a huge component of that is based on the fact that I knew what each dancer was trying to convey in there dance based on their movement, intention and facial expressions.
If you are missing any of those components, the message won't be delivered.
I think what we need to do, is realize this is a stage. And a stage + hip hop = Go BIG or go HOME!!!
After seeing some of these performers I am realizing it is time to go BIG!
Whatever I can do to entice the audience and bring them in is what I will do!!
And I can say that now.....because I am writing this from the comfort of my own bed. When reality hits.... Who knows what will happen.
Please wish us luck!!
Happy Saturday!
Let's go ladies....
I'm up and eating eggs and making coffee. I have an 8am appointment and then I gotta come home and pack for Palm Springs.
I'm mostly ready, but what is different this time is instead of just making sure the girls are packed for their competitions.....I have to pack for MY competition too!! (GULP)
This is a new one on me; and I just remembered yesterday.....and then I giggled.
For a moment there I felt absurd about the whole thing. I mean, what responsible non-dance mom wouldn't? This is TOTALLY out of our comfort zone, and the nationals competition is for kids!
So why are we doing this???
Well, in the famous words of my daughter (lately)......why WOULDN'T we do this???
In the beginning, I think most of us just started as though it were all a prank. It was supposed to be a big surprise for our kids and they weren't supposed to see ANY of it until we showed up on stage.
But as we are at the studio practicing, and many of us can't shake our kids off any more than we could shake off a case of hives; they ended up seeing it before it was ready, and there were a couple of times where they got to critique our progress. (I will never forget the day that one of the 12 year old girls - higher level hip hop - was showing us how we can make it bigger and better. And as she is a great little dancer; we took it in!)
So as the season progressed, and our surprise out the window, we we committed. No turning back.
When we were asked if we actually wanted to compete the number, many of us said, "Hell yeah!" But again, not sure we all thought this one through.
But still, here we are, reveling in how far we have come.
Last night was our last official practice. Our teacher changed a few more things for us, and worked on area's where we are 'loose'. God, I love that man!!!
You want to know character and intergity? It's a man who promises to see it through with you; builds you up (even though he had many many chances to tear us apart). A man who inspires you and encourages you!!
I'm sure his vision was a bit more "sharp" than what we are able to perform at our level. But not once did he say, "Well....it's as good as it's gonna get!"
Now, I am NOT knocking us. Because to be honest, I am so proud of how far we come. But when you put yourself SO FAR out of your comfort zone....and then throw yourself in front of a competition that will be judged.....well, let's just say we get kudos no matter what!!!
I am SUPER proud of all us women. But more than anything I love them all!! What courage! What a great example! What a great role model! We ladies have bonded through this whole experience and become much closer as a result of this. I am honored to be standing up there with each one of them!!
This morning as I pack my costume (all pieces including accessories), I will be going through the routine in my mind, making sure I remember the sequence and the intention of each move.
Though I know we will be nervous, I know our kids will be in the audience cheering so loudly that we won't really care about anything else (except finishing it nicely.....).
It's going to be a weekend well-deserved. Part fun, part competition ,and the rest; relaxing!!!!
Good luck to all at Competition this weekend!
MVD....PAC..... You KNOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!
Happy Friday!
I'm mostly ready, but what is different this time is instead of just making sure the girls are packed for their competitions.....I have to pack for MY competition too!! (GULP)
This is a new one on me; and I just remembered yesterday.....and then I giggled.
For a moment there I felt absurd about the whole thing. I mean, what responsible non-dance mom wouldn't? This is TOTALLY out of our comfort zone, and the nationals competition is for kids!
So why are we doing this???
Well, in the famous words of my daughter (lately)......why WOULDN'T we do this???
In the beginning, I think most of us just started as though it were all a prank. It was supposed to be a big surprise for our kids and they weren't supposed to see ANY of it until we showed up on stage.
But as we are at the studio practicing, and many of us can't shake our kids off any more than we could shake off a case of hives; they ended up seeing it before it was ready, and there were a couple of times where they got to critique our progress. (I will never forget the day that one of the 12 year old girls - higher level hip hop - was showing us how we can make it bigger and better. And as she is a great little dancer; we took it in!)
So as the season progressed, and our surprise out the window, we we committed. No turning back.
When we were asked if we actually wanted to compete the number, many of us said, "Hell yeah!" But again, not sure we all thought this one through.
But still, here we are, reveling in how far we have come.
Last night was our last official practice. Our teacher changed a few more things for us, and worked on area's where we are 'loose'. God, I love that man!!!
You want to know character and intergity? It's a man who promises to see it through with you; builds you up (even though he had many many chances to tear us apart). A man who inspires you and encourages you!!
I'm sure his vision was a bit more "sharp" than what we are able to perform at our level. But not once did he say, "Well....it's as good as it's gonna get!"
Now, I am NOT knocking us. Because to be honest, I am so proud of how far we come. But when you put yourself SO FAR out of your comfort zone....and then throw yourself in front of a competition that will be judged.....well, let's just say we get kudos no matter what!!!
I am SUPER proud of all us women. But more than anything I love them all!! What courage! What a great example! What a great role model! We ladies have bonded through this whole experience and become much closer as a result of this. I am honored to be standing up there with each one of them!!
This morning as I pack my costume (all pieces including accessories), I will be going through the routine in my mind, making sure I remember the sequence and the intention of each move.
Though I know we will be nervous, I know our kids will be in the audience cheering so loudly that we won't really care about anything else (except finishing it nicely.....).
It's going to be a weekend well-deserved. Part fun, part competition ,and the rest; relaxing!!!!
Good luck to all at Competition this weekend!
MVD....PAC..... You KNOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!
Happy Friday!
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