Now, I gotta admit; for the most part, it didn't feel fast. There were times I wondered "How long have we been here?" And yesterday, I'm telling you, I'm not the ONLY one who melted down.
I was thinking we should do a body count of children, because I saw a number of people who were SO done with their children; and I saw a ton of children melting down.
The pressure, the heat, the lodging, the foraging for food, the WAITING...... eventually somethings gotta give, right??? Well, it did. I saw so many parents with "those" faces, trailing their kids in the halls with their own version of misery. In some ways it was a little comical. As I make up stories in my head, it was a fun day.....until I had my own meltdown.
I struggle with anxiety. I manage it pretty well at home, because life is almost predictable there. But when you travel, you take all predictability out of the equation. Throw in TONS of people and having to search for your kids MULTIPLE times throughout the day, and VOILA!!!! Recipe for disaster. (for me anyways).
The one thing that is so hard about anxiety, is people don't realize how it festers inside of you. I fight with myself all day long to maintain control. There are times I want to absolutely lose it, and I'm usually told that it's not apparent. For that I am thankful.
However, when I blow....there is NO turning back. I spin out of control and it's a done deal. The best I can hope for is a closet to hide in.
Last night there was no closet.
I just hope the damage doesn't scar my children who are becoming well versed in anxiety. I'm very thankful for them. I talk to them about how I'm feeling, so when I lash out they know it's not them. They may not understand it, but they don't have to take the fall for it either.
This weekend has been an amazing and emotional one. I have seen parents at their wits end with their kids and I have seen kids at their wits end with their parents.
There have been times I have laughed, because I can tell what's going on without even asking.
Yesterday, I watched a girl demand something from her mom, and the mom very calmly said; YOU can go back to your seat; come back and ask me again nicely.... The little girl did just that! I laughed so hard.
Competition is a mixed blessing. It's a quick vacation that you never would have taken... but then it's a lot of dead time in between.
I have realized before I'm not a "lounging" vacationer. To sit by the pool is not my idea of fun. I think I really like sightseeing and doing stuff.
But the fun side of all this has been getting to hang with the parents.
Yes..there has been drama. And I have been in some of it. But I think much of that comes from the heat, and the unpredictable living circumstances.
Thankfully, everything turned out okay. I just wish I could take it back. Ughhhh......
But as I leave this competition, the drama will be left behind. I will be left with the great memories of our very first Mom's dance and the fact that we moms FINALLY got to share a Nationals experience with our kids. As I exited the stage yesterday, with trembling hands, I was faced with two beauties trying to get to me for a hug!!! What a proud and great moment!!!
This competition was a lot easier for us. I think we realized we had it in us, we just had to deliver it. And I think we did!! Will we ever be at Olympic levels? Probably not. But that isn't the point now is it. It's that we committed to something, stuck it out and showed our kids that when we sign up for something WE FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!! So, I'm proud to be that example for my children, because there were a few brief moments along the way where I thought about bolting. But when I thought of my children, I realized I want to do the best that I can and be proud of myself for that!
And I was...... more importantly, so were they!!! Talk about great moments!!
Thank you MV Dance and Mookie for giving us this opportunity to show us we CAN do it!! You took a group of moms and you delivered us to NATIONALS!!
Many of us started out thinking, "I can't do this!"..... And we are leaving with a feeling of, "If I could do THIS...What ELSE can I do?" You may have just created a monster. And for that we are grateful!!!
Thank you....from the ORIGINAL MV Mom Crew!!!!
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