Done deal....

So, it's official.  I talked to my bosses and they granted me a leave of absence.  I work between two territories, so I report to two different people even though only one of them is my 'boss'.

Both will be affected by my leave, so I called them each to explain my request.

I hate having to make tough decisions, but the truth is, as soon as I was off the phone, I felt this sense of peace wash over me.  I knew I made the right decision at that very moment.  They were so supportive and fair with me.  I basically called pulling the rug out from under them and they handled me with kid gloves.  Wow.... Thank you for that!!!

On some level I feel like it was a crazy move.  On the other hand I felt like "what are you waiting for?"  And the truth is, it's been a long time brewing....  I just didn't realize how much.

However, now that my decision has been made, there is no turning back.

I have plans this summer to get "me" back.  My goal is to put a plan in place that will better help me manage the craziness of my life.

I need to manage my photography business, my children, my house and my health.  Each one of those is going to have to be closely examined to maximize my time.  I know that I have been mis managing things and the proof was in the pudding when the vertigo hit.

My health should be first on the list.  I have plans to go to meetings and group up with friends to work out.  Summer is the best time to take advantage the great outdoors.  I may even take up a new sport.  Who knows. 

Suddenly, I feel the sky is the limit, and I'm really excited.

I can dedicate focused time while being available for my kids. 

My daughter has been offered some privates for ballet and I was farming out the driving to which ever grandma was available.  I would get stressed at the thought of asking someone to take care of my child for me when it should be my responsibility.

When Aspen reminded me we have practice this Thursday, my heart stopped for a minute to think, "How will I get her there...?"  And then I realized I will  now be available for her.  I actually smiled at her and said, "No problem, we'll be there!"

Being a mom is a gift from God.  And fortunately,  I have been blessed with healthy, kind, caring kids.  I sat across from Aspen yesterday as she was getting ready for dance and she looked so grown up.  She was putting her hair in a bun, wrapping, tucking, pinning....and I just stared.  Finally, she looked at me and said, "What?" 

I said, it's weird seeing you so self sufficient.  It wasn't long ago that I held her in my arms at the mall and she watched a kid go where he wasn't supposed to.  She said "Mommy....he's going in the hnow.... (snow....she couldn't quite put the S and N together)....  And I said, "That's okay"  to which she said, "MACK him mommy....."  (Smack)  

Apparently she felt the kid needed a spanking.  I remember that moment like it was yesterday.  And he she sits putting herself together so she can put her pointe shoes on and dance for a few hours.

Weird.....  Just weird......

Time is most definitely precious.  And it does go so fast. 

I'm thankful to have this summer to catch up and refocus. 

I got a call from an old friend yesterday who heard about my decision.  And he gave me tons of advice on how to refocus, because he is going through the same thing in his life.  We commiserated on points and collaborated on others.  He was proud of me and offered his support as well.

I will do my best to make the most of this summer.  Hopefully, all the planets will align and I will come back better than ever!

Happy Wednesday (and Happy 4th)