What is your limit?
If someone were to ask you that, would you be able to give them a concrete answer?
I'm guessing for most of us the answer is no.
You don't know it until it becomes apparent to you.
Well, 'Apparency' has hit me in the face.
Things can only go out of balance for so long. As I try to learn from life and my experiences, I try to stay in tune with the messages that are whispered in my ear. Or smacking me in the face.
Sadly, this one smacked me in the face.
As I have been sitting at rehearsals and recitals over the last few weeks, I have been absorbed in everything but me. Kind of typical of a mom, I agree. But everything has a cost.
With my weight loss journey, I realized I was taking care of every one else, or nothing at all. Sometimes both, simultaneously. As I started losing weight, I started taking more time for myself (good wholesome care for me time) and I started realizing that my time was actually benefiting my family.
Now, it's hard to think what times is best served for your family.
Is it time exercising? Working? Cleaning the house? Who knows. For some people it's all of the above.
But for me, what I thought was benefiting my family, kind of wasn't. So the scales started tipping in the 'unbalanced' range.
Lately, something has been tugging at me really deep. And I keep getting external messages that support it. The truth is, I don't know how to proceed with it.
Well, this week, I kind of got my answer.
I have to go on FAITH........
Faith is something you feel in your heart and soul, but can't see. I have been fighting my feelings for a while. But this weekend, when I had my attack of vertigo, I realized that I'm seriously ignoring my inner feelings. And the force is strong with this one (taken from Star Wars), so I have to make a change.
I'm pulling out of my WW meetings for a while until I can get back on track. It was literally decided in the last 48 hours. I haven't been able to give my members 100 % of me and that is not fair to them. In the past, I was happy to be there and couldn't wait to get to work. But in recent months, I am literally sandwiching my next event into my meetings. I haven't had time to exercise regularly, or clean my house, or get my other work done and it's finally biting me in the backside!
I bought my mom a ticket for the recital this weekend and told her the WRONG DAY!!! To me that was a huge symptom of losing it. The Vertigo was the final final.......
So, I made a call to my boss(es) and asked for a personal leave of absence. NOT an easy decision to make. I have never done that before. But then again, I have never had a house, two dogs, a husband, two children with VERY demanding schedules and two jobs to juggle.....
I think the most important thing in life is to realize when to say when. Sometimes we get smacked in the face, but the truth is, more often than not, it starts out as a whisper. And more often than not, we ignore the whispers until they are blaring shouting messages that we can't deny!!!
I guarantee Heart Attacks give small symptoms that are ignored all the time.
Life is the same way!!!
Some people take their past and use it as ammunition in their life. They use their past as an excuse to not move forward.
But the truth is, we are here to learn. When something happens if we don't learn from it, we are stuck. Life is about lessons. They aren't all pleasant. But they are worth while.
I read once that people either blame in...or out.... I tend to blame in. I can't control other people. No one can. If you think you are, you are fooling yourself, or creating a relationship that will fail. We can only control ourselves and our own actions. We can only be an example to those around us. It's up to you if you choose to be a good example or a bad one. But you can only control yourself.
I do a lot of talking in my head. My personal belief is that I yell at my kids all the time. But my friends tell me it's not true. I guess I'm doing a good job then of controlling myself, because if they heard what was in my head, I'd be in big trouble!!
But it's a constant struggle to remember to be the better guy. As I grow, I realize more and more about people and I see the choices they make. I can see when someone is losing their grip, they scream louder and more often....like a child who just lost their favorite toy.
Sometimes you just have to let go. And sometimes when you let go, you will find peace.
I want to find peace. I'm taking steps in that direction, and I'm hoping those around me will benefit.
I haven't been at my best lately. It's time to get myself back.
I hope I have your support. However, if I don't....there is nothing I can do about it.... :(
Happy Tuesday.
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