Entitled?

So I find myself having the same conversation over and over again.

When one is ready for something; does the other automatically get it too???  My younger one seems to think so...  And I keep having the conversation that this is not the case. 

And needless to say; she doesn't get it.

Aspen is 2 years older than Avery. 

This year Aspen has been asked to submit a solo video for consideration for a solo, duo or trio.  In the past we didn't do it for various reasons.  This year, one of the teachers is trying to encourage me to submit for her.  So I said yes.

Now, when you do a solo, duo, or trio - you are looking at dance above and beyond their regular schedule.  And choreography and costumes and so forth and so on....

It's quite the consideration for a kid.  (And the parents).

So to come to this conclusion for us is big.

The fun comes when we have to explain to Avery why SHE has to wait!!

Unfortunately, we kind of raised the girls for many years like they were twins.  What one get, the other got.  We didn't put much thought into it. 

But now as they get older and one should get more privileges than the other, we have a fight on our hands.  And total confusion.

I have said it before.  Kids are growing up entitled - getting what they want - never having to earn - and emotionally empty.  Not all, but many.  As I become increasingly aware of this I'm doing my best to make more conscious decisions about it.

Aspen deserves to feel special because she is 2 years older.  As I had this discussion with Avery, I could see that my past decisions were coming to haunt me.  She just couldn't understand why we wouldn't consider her for a solo as well.

It's so funny as a parent how many times you live in hindsight.  I have heard parents say, "If I had known how my kids would turn out; we wouldn't have had any".   (I'm totally  not kidding)

REALLY??????

Now, I know that child rearing is hard.   But to look at your kids as a failure (2 for 2 I might add)....  is there ANY slight possibility that the parents had ANYTHING to do with it????

I know all kids don't turn out perfect.  I certainly didn't turn out like my dad thought.  He wanted all highly educated children.  College college college.....  I was not a good student.  College was not in the cards for me.  And though some might consider that failure; my dad quickly realized I would trudge my own path and I would be fine.  And when he died, I was married and pregnant with our first child and I believe he felt I would be okay!!! 

But I am okay because of the lessons I learned as a kid.

I didn't always get what I wanted.  I had to create my own fun. I lived in fear of my parents (because there was HELL to pay for making wrong choices) and I faced the consequences when I did stupid things! 

I will never forget the time I got caught stealing something.  My mom picked me up from the store; didn't say a word on the way home.   (Silence from my mother was worse than Chinese water torture).  And when I got home, I lingered outside....knowing what was behind the doors.  When my dad came out to get me, he was taking off his belt (Gulp.....)  "Catherine....get in here". 

My brother was working on his car and he simply looked over at me without pulling his head out of the engine and said, "Good luck".... 

(can you feel your stomach tightening?)

That was the worst feeling in the world.

Dad never used the belt on me.  I don't think he intended to.  Or maybe mom stopped him.  But whatever the case that lesson was learned!!!!  There were consequences for bad choices and we didn't want to face them.

And those lessons stuck as we got older. 

That, to me is what childhood is about.  We as parents can see the future more than our children.  It is our job to think a few steps ahead and realize if we give our children EVERYTHING....they will eventually be empty inside because they don't have that victorious feeling of EARNING something!!!

I do hate having those conversations with my kids.  I know Avery still doesn't get it and she thinks I like Aspen better.  But it's not my job to make my kids happy.  It's my job to make the best decisions for them even though they may not understand it! 

I am the parent!!! 

If I don't disappoint my kids at least once a day, I'm not doing my job!!

I know parents get tired and don't want to 'fight'....but no one said parenting is easy.

And I am not saying I am perfect.  We will all screw up our kids and they will let us know how later.   But like any other parents; we are doing the best we can.  And if our kids actually take a look around, they will see that they don't have it so bad.

I'm pretty sure that my kids are aware of that. 

Don't be afraid to disappoint your kids.  They have friends.... they need parents!!

Happy Saturday