Dizzy again???

I am blogging from my bed.  Very attractive, I know, but it's all I got.  I will remain here for as long as possible before I go and shoot the dance event.

Crazy thing; I have had this before, but I am bewildered at how quickly it comes on.

Last night at the show, I was running around, frantically looking for one of my missing children.  I hadn't seen her in a few hours and wasn't sure where she went.  As I went to every location, and didn't see her, I started freaking out more and more.  Panic is a terrible thing!!!

Finally, after quite a while of looking, I found her.  She had made her way outside.

And in an instant; I became "That Mom"......

You know...the one who yells at her kid in public?  Yes...that was me!!!  I was so freaking out that I couldn't find my child that I started losing control.  And by the time I found her, I had no control left.

I knew the second I grabbed her away from the grandparents that I was going to make a spectacle of myself.  And still, I did nothing to stop it. 

I REALLY hate being 'that' person.  And I work REALLY hard not to be.  But in this case, I just couldn't cope.

After I yelled at her, she ran over and snuggled into grandpa and started crying!  Yay me! (not really).  Now I'm feeling the effects of my actions.

But at that moment, I started feeling something else..... woozie!!!  (or in my case....Wooooooozie....)

I knew instantly what has happening.  I sat down and prayed to God it wasn't so....but it was.

VERTIGO.

The last time I had this, I was bedridden for THREE DAYS!!!  It is such a scary feeling.  It's like a really bad form of being drunk.  Like mixing alcohol drunk.

Only no 'drink' involved.

Thankfully, and by the grace of God, we had an extra driver, so I asked my mom to drive me home!  (you never outgrow your mom!)

I came home and went straight to bed.

I woke up this morning, no better.   I'm holding walls to walk straight.  It's really awful.

I have been prescribed stuff for this before, but being a non drug taker (to the best of my ability), I never had the prescriptions filled.  The short sidedness of my wisdom didn't allow it.  And here I am.

I sent Chris to the store to get me Bonine.  I will take it if it gets really bad.

This time around I can at least walk.  Not well, but it's better than nothing.

I have to sit for 8 hours and shoot a recital.  I really have NO time for this.   Unfortunately, illness chooses us, we don't choose it.

Thankfully, I will be sitting the whole time.  I will do my best to not move.  I have faith that I will get through this.

Tomorrow is the second run through of the moms dance.  If I don't improve, there is no way I can dance.  (unless I switch with the lady who falls....)

I'm very thankful for all the support I have gotten.  People continue to amaze me with their kind words and offerings of help.   It warms my heart and gives me faith in humanity.


Here's to looking through a lens without getting sick!

Happy Saturday!

Summer Veg

I'm outta my vanilla syrup for my coffee...and I'm outta salad....and snacks...and veggies.

Thank God for Grandma stopping by and doing my dishes, because I have had no time to do much of anything but sit at my computer.

This morning we ran out of milk (cuz I wanted cereal, that's why) and now a trip to the store is imperative before the girls get up and run through the house like crazy people yelling at me because there is no milk!!!

Tonite is day 4.

I woke up this morning feeling "rode hard and put away wet!" (horse term, don't like your minds wander).  I'm looking pretty ragged and my shoulders are starting to talk to me.  By the end of the week they will be full-blown screaming and I'm sure a massage is in my very near future.

So funny to think we are in summer.  I'm totally NOT in summer mode.  And to be honest, I am thinking it may start for us  around July 10 or 11......  After Nationals.

But then the girls will have summer dance classes to take, so I will still have a  bit of a schedule, but.... I guess that's just life, huh?

Waiting for that next break!

I have a ton of projects to finish; all require me sitting at my desk.

I need to create that summer schedule so I can get everything done.

Does anyone else live this way??  Too many tasks and not enough hours in the day to complete??? 

Well, I'm okay with it; as long as I can finish my stuff.  I have two wedding albums to complete and I know some day I would like to do a few personal albums of my own kids with my own pictures that have yet to leave my computer!! 

Maybe during my vacation, I can bring my laptop and start "playing".  But is working on my laptop with pictures considered a vacation?  Well.... I guess I will have to see!!

I just remember, I started reading a book recently, and I put it down as dance rehearsals started and it feels like weeks since I have read it!  I can't wait to dig in again!!

So, tonite is our Moms dance.  We will hit the stage for recital, and I'm just a little nervous.  There are some parts I'm not hitting like I would like.  But as I'm not 'professional' and I don't dance a million hours a week, I will have to be happy with whatever performance I can throw out there!  I just hope I remember the steps.. ...  ....   .. . . .   LOL

If you are a friend of mine and I haven't seen you or talked to your recently.... I miss you! 

I do have plans to veg at the lake this summer.  If anyone wants to join me, let me know.  Maybe we can make a party day of it.  (who doesn't love a good party by the water?)

But until then, I'll be dancing...either in front of the camera or behind.

I'll look forward to doing "the veg" really soon!

Happy Friday!!!  (I had to think about what day it was....)

Flashback /Flashforward

I always say life is about 'moments'.  And I do treasure my moments....

Well, I had one last night.

I watched Aspen in one of her routines, and I had a flash forward moment!

Actually, it was a flashback/flash forward moment.

As I sat watching her tumble across the stage with some advanced students, I reflected back to about 4 years ago, when at an MVDPAC Recital, I watched a similar tumbling routine and thought to myself; whoever that teacher is, I want her for Aspen!

I quickly found out it was Miss Theresa Turner. 

I signed Aspen up for her class the very next session.  Aspen has a natural gumby-ability.  Something Avery and I do not have.  Avery and I have to work hard to touch our toes.  Although, I quit trying to do that years ago, Avery can do the splits, but she was worked VERY hard to do so.  (As soon as Avery saw what Aspen was learning in Theresa's class, she wanted the same.  So we signed her up.)

Over the years, I have watched Aspen kill rows of grass practicing Aerials and back hand springs for  Miss Theresa.

And last night, it finally happened.   I watched the dance for the first time and I about cried (I know...not a far reach for me, but still).  It was one of "those" moments when you see your dreams come to fruition. 

Miss Theresa did not disappoint. 

I know I talk a lot about dance.  But when I talk about dance, I am talking about my childrens' life experiences.  As they are at the studio more often than they are home, this place is literally shaping who my kids are becoming.

This morning, I had a 20 minute argument about how Avery doesn't need to be at the recital because she isn't in any of the dances and both her dad and I will be working it.  So she had the opportunity to "opt out" and she practically cried that she wants to see the show and be there.  REGARDLESS of the fact that it's the same show she has seen about half a dozen times already. 

She just wants to BE there!!!  This is her (and our) extended family.  She doesn't want to miss a minute!

As Aspen is in 3 of the 4 casts, she will be there.  To Avery, "That's not fair!!"  So Avery finagled her way in....  But I'm making her work! 

The point is, they WANT to be there every second of every day.  Their experiences with this studio, its staff, dancers, and dancers parents is who my kids are growing around and being influenced by.  And that is okay with me!!!

This year, the them is CELEBRATE (the last 20 years of the studio's existence). And in the show there are testimonials from dancers who have been there 10-12-14 years.... and they are graduating.  They reflect back on their experience with the studio and dance, and how it has all shaped who they are and who they have become.  And as I watched the testimonials, I am proud of each of these girls.  And I had yet another flash-forward moment thinking about my own girls giving their testimonials for this studio in a few years. 

It's hard to say good bye to something that has been so much a part of your life.  But these girls are moving on to college.  One of those girls was a huge inspiration to me when I first put Aspen into dance.  She was also in tumbling.  So to see my girls on the path to what these girls have achieved warms my heart and makes me look very forward to what we have to experience.

If you don't feel this way about your dance studio.....well then maybe you should check out MV Dance!!!  (mvdpac.com). 

Thank you Miss Theresa for giving me one of those "moments" in life I will never forget!!!

Happy Thursday!

Day One

YEP......I'm at the computer.  SHOCKER, I know.  But my goal is to be efficient!
The show went off without a hitch.  At somepoint, I clocked out, because before I knew it, it was over and I was kind of sad.

It went so fast. 

I was there from 2-10.  I shot about 4,500 pictures between rehearsal and show.

My shoulder is feeling the effects of the night, but I'll be more conscious of it as the week goes on.

Tonite is the brunt of Aspen's shows.  Last night, she was only in one dance and it was well recieved.  I wish that dance was on more than once....  It's a cool dance.

The theme of the event is Celebrate.  It's been 20 years for the studio.  We have been there about 7 or 8 of those.  So to see the testimonials and see how the kids have grown brought me to tears more than once.

At one point, I looked over at another mom and saw her wiping her tears.  I started laughing at what Saps we are, and I found comfort that I wasn't alone.

I cry at everything.  I'm an easy target.  It's at every sad movie, my kids will turn to see if the waterworks have started.  Sometimes they even bring my tissues!! LOL

I don't know when I got so emotional in my life.  I'm thinking it's kids and life experiences, and losing a father and even some friends.

Life becomes richer when you realize how precious it is.  And when you try to absorb every last minute, it's easy to become emotional.

I count my days in moments, not hours.  It seems to be more enjoyable that way.  

As I go into this upcoming week, I know I will get tired, but I also know I'll be eating up the moments.

It's so cute to see grandparents gathering for their wee little grandchildren.  It's awesome to walk back stage and feel the energy is charged with excitement and anticipation.  I love walking in the dressing rooms and seeing costumes and makeup scattered and piled into every available space.  I love watching the older girls help the younger girls.

Aspen was supposed to show up yesterday makeup on and ready to go.  But as the makeup details were just a little foggy to me, I told her to bring her stuff and I just knew that someone could help her.  Good thing I did that, because they did NOT do what I was told.....  But she was fine. 

I'll be talking a lot about dance this week.  When you are a dancers parent, you become consumed.   But when you are the photographer, and a habitual people watcher and life observer...... let's just say there's a lot of material coming my way!

Happy Wednesday!

Let's do this!

Three camera bodies,
5 lenses,
 two flashes,
oodles of batteries for each electronic item,
one computer,
one Ipad, 
MiFi Wireless
a tridpod,
 a mono pod
Battery chargers
CF cards
and a cooler with plenty of water and snacks.

I will be pretty much MIA this next two weeks.  If I'm not working, I'll be shooting, or editing.
My work days will be approximately 8am to 11:30 or 12 from now until Sunday.  As reception will be awful where I'm at, I will likely not be able to keep up.  So if something important happens, call my hubby or BFF and they will get me the messge.

It's a mixed bag, because it's absolutely exhausting work.  Everyone at the studio is affected.  But the upside is, it's everything everyone worked towards.  The end of the year showcase, if you will. 

The studio is getting so big a whole extra cast was added.  How cool is that?  But with that adds two extra days from last year.

I'm photographing the whole event from start to finish.  I will likely take about 25,000 pictures over the course of the week.  Probably more.  After I'm done taking them....I edit them.  That takes a little more time.  However, my goal this year is to get them up and loaded as quickly as possible, so I'll be working double time.

Who cares though.

I'm excited to see how the show turns out.  It absolutely amazes me every year how they pull this off.   All the teachers and students come together.  Their collaboration, choreography, practice, costume choice, run throughts, rehearsals, all coming to fruition.

Dance teachers absolutely amaze me.  How they choreograph new dances every year for all their classes, and actually remember them is so cool.  How they keep all their classes straight and their students..... very impressive.

This is the time of year all their efforts will pay off.  And family members and friends get to see the hard work of their loved ones.

As the photographer I will do my best to capture every cute moment, every leap, every ounce of attitude that I possible can.  I will put on makeup and inevitable cry (or "tear") it off when I see how much the students have grown from the year before.

I have been at this studio since 2004.  Some of my very favorite students are graduating this year and we will have to say good bye to them.  I will likely never photograph them dancing again.  It's going to be a tough recital for me (as well as others).

I am very much looking forward to it and I can't wait to see how it all comes together.

Is it a lot of work?  YOUBETCHA
Do I still get excited every year!  DARNED RIGHT!

My fingers will be crossed for every dance that starts.   And I will, no doubt love every dance I see.

And I will no doubt feel blessed, once again, to be part of this studio!!  After all, it is shaping who my girls are becoming.  And I'm pretty stinkin' proud!

Happy Tuesday

Great Sunday

Well, it's Monday, and back to the grind.  The list is waiting (to be created that is) and I need to scurry.
It's Recital week.   And I am changing things up a bit, which means, I need to to a little more work to get everything to come together.
I'm so glad I had this weekend to relax a bit.  I really needed it and it's going to be a while before I get one of those again.

You know, I have really found the value in enjoying as many moments in the day as I can.
Yesterday, I got to go out with my hubby.  For like, a date!  Because it's been like, forever!  He actually chose one of my favorite places; Coyote Grill.

It's in Laguna Beach, and though it's not 'on' the water, you can see the water and that is good enough for me.  It's a quaint little place and as far back as I can tell, the same people are working there.

I love it because it's little and I can always get in without a wait because I go at off-peak times.

Well, let me tell you, Sunday at noon is not an off peak time.  So we waited a little bit.  I don't mind waiting, because I'm a people watcher.

My husband is not.

BUT, they had a TV and soccer was on, so all's good with the world.  He got to see what he wanted, and I got to see what I wanted.

When we finally sat down, I looked around at the people out on the patio.  I realized that often when I go somewhere I look for familiar faces.  And sometimes I find them.  But if I don't see a familiar face, I find familiarity in the people I see.  And sometimes I make up stories about who they are.

I guess it helps pass the time.

So yesterday, I shared the stories with my husband.  And he listened....and then I'm sure he thought I was a loon.  But that's okay.  He's stuck with me, and now he's had a moment in my head.  A place I'm sure he's glad he doesn't have to visit often.

I don't know why I feel the need to do that.  It's not conscious.  It's just something I have alwyas done.  I think it makes me feel more comfortable about my surroundings.  And to realize how much we are all the same in so many respects in life.  It also helps to pass the time as there are always people anywhere I'm waiting.  Whatever floats your boat, right??

Lunch was great.  I ordered shrimp tacos and Chris ordered Chilaquiles.  Never had those before but they looked good.

After lunch we drove up PCH to Aliso Creek Beach.  I wanted to see how busy it was.  It was bustling with people and parties and picnics and even campfires!  Who knew?  Campfire at noon.

On the way home we stopped at Whole Foods in Aliso Viejo.  Have you ever SEEN that place??  It's got a restaurant, a coffee place a cheese place all rolled into one.  (Oh...an did I mention Gelato??)

As hubby had an agenda, I decided to wander the place.  I  picked up what I needed, found the coffee and gelato, ordered me up one of each and sat down to people watch.  My coffee was super hot, so I decided to blend some of my espresso gelato in there.  Next thing you know, I was having a dessert coffee.  It was actually quite yummy.

As I watched the "Whole Foods Gang" wander around, I couldn't help but think so many of them looked like "wholesome" folks.  You know.....like they used to call hippies in the sixties?  Only now, it seems to have become a more acceptable place in life.  Either that or I'm just at an age where I don't judge and don't care.

Their dress was simple, they had their recycle bags in hand, not much effort on their appearance, and they looked calm and relaxed.  I found pleasure in making up stories about their lives.  They were easy targets.

As our trip came to a close, we headed home.  I wanted just a few minutes to relax before I had to head out to dance practice.  Our date was over......

It was a really nice day.  Practice was awesome and I am loving bonding with these amazing woman who's children I have watched grow over the years.

The day ended with dinner at our house.  My mom wasn't here, so it was just me, Chris, Julie and the girls.  For dinner we had an array of cheeses, melon, prosciutto, salami, cucumbers, and bread.  On the side Chris made a Pasta Carbonara (I think).  It was all delicious.  The problem with Cheese is when to say when.  For me, lets just say I'll be eating a LOT of salad these next few days.  But with no regrets.  The dinner was a fabulous change from what we usually have.

It was a great day!!!  I'm thankful for the moments in my life where I feel complete joy.  And to be honest, most of yesterday WAS complete joy.  I will have to remember that as I'm hustling and bustling this week.....

There is a lot to do, and precious short time to get ready for it.

Here's to hoping you find many moments of joy through the week.  If you don't see it....look for it.
It's anywhere you want it to be.

Happy Monday

My Day with Marilyn....

I always love new challenges.
A friend wanted to do a Marilyn shoot.  As soon as she told me this, I was all over it!  I couldn't wait to get my hands on her an see what we could come up with.

The makeup was the hardest part.  I'm not a makeup artist, but I know a thing or two.  So we went to work as soon as she got here.  We had a great time creating this character to the best of my abilities.

As we got into the studio to start taking pictures, I could see she was uncomfortable.  The first few minutes always are.  It's awkward not knowing what to do or how to bring the character to life.  So we went through her book of pictures and we talked about who Marilyn was and I asked what drew her to Marilyn.  As she started speaking, I could see her starting to come to life.

Now, as a photographer, my goal is always "Just ONE good shot!"   The rest is gravy.

As we both did a little research on Marilyn this week, we both had ideas of what she was about and what we wanted to achieve.  My main goal is to achieve my clients vision more than anything else.  But I have to do my best to bring it out of them.

As we switched things around, new outfit, new poses, I brought out my leopard print couch.  She was instantly comfortable on it.  We talked about Marilyn and how vulnerable she was.  I asked my client to connect with her character and think about how she must have felt at certain points of her life. 

And as we were talking, something happened.  That divine moment.  I don't know what it was and I'm not even sure I can put it into words.  But for a moment, something moved over me as I looked through the camera at my client.  The look in her eyes, the far off gaze, the hair, the makeup, the pose..... it happened.... For a moment, I seriously felt like Marilyn was in the room.  And like a ton of bricks, I felt the weight of Marilyn's life fall heavy on my heart.  I snapped the shot and had to put down my camera.

I was so overtaken with emotions, I had to stop for a minute.

In my years of photography, that has never happened to me.  I was litterally choked up and unable to breathe.  Tears filled my eyes and my heart swelled with pain for this poor woman, who's life went sideways and ended far too early.

At that point, I thought I had what I needed, but I wanted to press on for just a few.  And in the next few minutes we got some of the best pictures of the day. 

And then we got a few more.....

It was such a great experience.  To take someone out of their daily life and create something that will last a lifetime.  To showcase someone in a totally different light!

I love what I do.  But nothing makes me happier than a client looking at pictures of themselves saying, "That's ME?" 

It was an emotional day for sure.  But very rewarding on so many levels!!
Below is my before and after of my client.  She's a doll and she makes a darned good Marilyn!!!

Happy Sunday

7 hours of contemplation

A Day OFF???

What is that?  I'm sure I have heard of it before, as it sounds familiar....but I am not sure what to do with it??

I got to sleep in this morning all the way until 7:10 am.  May not sound like a lot, but just the fact that I didn't have to wake to an alarm is awesome!!

I came home way later than I wanted last night.  The girls had rehearsal until about 7.  As I didn't really need to be there, I was going to leave.  But when you have about 50 of your closest friends around you..... makes it difficult.

I'm kind of social and I like to see what is going on.  I got this "nosey" gene from my mom (thanks mom).  So, I kept popping in and out of different areas to see what was up.

I still haven't seen much of my kids dances.   Part of me wants to keep that as a surprise.  I remember last year, seeing Aspen dance her ballet piece for the first time and it moved me to tears. 

I like surprises, so I don't want to ruin it by watching their rehearsals over and over.

I did honestly try to leave the studio from 3pm on.....  But one thing led to another and I kept volunteering myself here and there and having fun all the while, so I stuck around.

As the 7 o'clock hour approached and Avery was all done dancing, I was ready to go.  But I decided since they wanted to stay, I would run a quick trip to Costco, pick up a pizza and some otherthings and come back and get them.  Surely they would be ready to leave by then........   NOT!

Now, at 8pm, I'm packed up and in the car and ready to go.  But one of the teachers said, "Hang on.... don't leave yet"....  So I sat in my car for about 5 minutes (car's on fumes, I need to hit the gas station so now I am getting nervous) and finally turn off the car and go in search... 

Found the teacher who was grabbed by another to do a quick video clip for upcoming events....  So I wait. 

After that is done, I'm in the parking lot (still waiting on the one teacher) and another comes out and starts talking.  At that point, the studio starts getting closed up and two more come out.  And then one more.... 

So, here we are at the parking lot, now 8:30 and start chatting about various things.  The kids have the keys to my car, so the music is playing and they have decided to choreograph a dance in the parking lot to the music playing in my car.

The adult conversation goes from studio stuff, to recital stuff, to kid stuff, to parenting stuff, to whatever is under the sun stuff.  Conversation is easy because we all have a lot in common...... kids!

And to have the kids occupied so the adults can 'chat' is a rare moment indeed, so we all take advantage - despite our fatigue.

Finally, just after 10, we call it a night.  For me, it's only been 7 hours since I tried to leave, no big deal.  But then again, that is what is so great about the studio.  I didn't end up leaving, but I had all great moments.  Whether, helping, chatting, commiserating, whatever.  It was really nice. 

I'm all for great energy.  And as it can be hard to come by sometimes....  I'll take it when I can get it.

Here's to a day "off" full of relaxation and peace!

Happy Saturday!

Little Stuff

I should start writing my blog at night.  Millions of things go through my head.  My thinking is at its best.  By morning, of late, I have been without much thought and much introspection. 
Maybe I have spewed all that is in my brain.

A penny spent.....

Last night I realized a lot of what is hooking up my brain.

I offer little things to people and my brain will NOT let them go!

Example....  I was doing head shots for a corporate staff and this cute dog goes walking by.  We move aside to let it pass and (squirrel) I ask the owner if I can take its picture.  Lady says yes..... I tell her I'll email her a copy....  Then I go home, take care of the corporate stuff and walk away from the dog......

.........but I said I would email her a picture.................

That was about a month ago!

Then, about 3 weeks ago, when my brother was here, we went to the top of the Hollywood sign.  I get to the top and there is a German Shepherd crouched next to his owner, who is on the edge of the hill taking pictures.  I have my camera, so "squirrel" I snap a shot!  I told him I would send him a copy........... and then I walked down the hill............

I said it, therefore is MUST happen!!!

I also realized my daughter is historian for her dance team.  One of the moms REALLY showed us up last year and collaged AND FRAMED a 12x12 for each of her daughters team mates (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!), so I can't show up empty handed...  I have been thinking about this for a long time.

Now, I'm not going to be showing up that mom, because I'm not that gifted and don't have the time...but I refuse to show up empty handed.  And if I let myself go until the last stinkin' minute, like I always do, then the result will not be pretty.

So last night I took those "little stuff" (referring to the tasks, NOT the children...) and get them out of the way and be done with them so I can move forward on the things that really need my attention.

I have to learn that when I offer something, I rarely let myself off the hook.  And it's pretty apparent that I get caught up in a moment and offer the world to people I don't know if they have a dog!  (who knew I was such a dog person). 

So I will have to work on changing my tactics in the future.  If I see a dog, and I have a camera, I must merely shake the dogs hand and move on. 

But my point is the little stuff just hooks me up and makes me feel like a failure if I don't complete it.  And I am constantly throwing lots of little stuff in my way.

In years past, I used to try to make sure I gifted the teachers and the principal and the office staff at my daughters' school.  This year, I did not.  And though I felt a bit guilty, because they do deserve special gifts, I just couldn't do it this year.  I didn't have the mental energy, or the finances to accommodate what I was thinking in my brain.  So I just had to let it go. 

Letting go is definitely hard, because it's easy to feel like a failure.  It's hard to feel accomplished.

So to help myself feel a bit more accomplished, I need to manage the little things that I tend to put into my own path.  It's honestly crazy-making and I can't go there right now.

So, as of this morning, the dog pictures have been sent, and the end of the year pictures have been done for the team, and team pictures have been ordered for my own dance team.  I'm so thankful to have that little stuff off my plate.

NOW...if I can just figure out how to take a video that I shot upside down and turn it right side up so I can pass it along....my day will be made!!

Ughhh.......

Happy Friday!!

Dance Blog???

I think I need to start a new blog.  It is about dance.
My experience this year has been amazing.  I have seen such growth in both of my daughters; I have gotten to spend a lot more time immersed in it, especially since I started taking classes.

It's crazy all I have learned!

The most important of which is....I really know nothing about dance!!

At the beginning of this year, I knew there was Jazz, Tap, Tumbling, Ballet, Lyrical, Contemporary, Musical Theater, Hip Hop and a few more.

But throughout the year I have learned more about the equipment and tools for each discipline, many of the of the nuances of each dance, the different approaches and influences for the dances, some of the names of the moves (mostly hip hop, because that is my class) and most importantly the specific approach of many of the teachers.

What an amazing education it has been this year.

Yesterday, Aspen had her very first ballet Private lesson.  And happily, I got to watch.
The instructor for Aspen was a very (can I say extremely) talented 19 year old girl who is extremely accomplished and very well versed in her discipline.  For all that she is accomplished, she is humble and sweet and beautiful both inside and out.

For the time of the practice, I watched Aspen listen intently to her teacher and work diligently to execute every correction she was given.  I was behind glass in the lobby, so I couldn't hear, just see.

As Aspen came out to switch to her pointe shoes, the girl came out to tell me what a great job Aspen was doing.  She was a very serious student and she took to instruction very well.  Thankfully, she didn't go on too much (though I could have listened for hours), because I would have been in tears.  I could feel them welling up as she walked back into class.

Proud doesn't even describe my feelings.

As I stood in the lobby, watching, the girls mother came in and we talked about ballet.  She told me more of her daughters story.  She has been dancing since she was very young and won the Hope award as well as the Silver something somewhere.....  No disrespect at all, but as this is all new to me, much of it went over my head (and the mother knew that).  What I got from it was it was all a VERY big deal and her daughter is gifted, not just talented.

I had to leave before the lesson was done, but I left with such gratitude.

What a gift to be taught by such an amazing and accomplished dancer.  Aspen smiled the whole time she was in there.

I learned something from the mother for which I am grateful....I am not the one to issue corrections to my daughter in dance.  I may SEE it....but I'm NOT to speak of it.  I will simply mention it to someone my daughter will listen to.  ( I think that is how marriage works too, right??)

Anyway, it has been an informative year for me and the growth in my girls has been amazing.

I have a feeling the upcoming years are going to be a whirlwind.  Though it hasn't been said, I get the feeling I need to "Buckle Down and get ready".   Aspen has drawn a bit of attention this year.  And as a proud mom, I do believe she has worked hard and deserves it.  But as we don't always get what we deserve, I am very aware at what a blessing this is.

So,  though I will continue to write this blog.... I may have just found a spinoff......  Stay tuned.

Happy Thursday

Summer lovin'

So this is it for Aspen.  Today is her last day in 6th grade.  Where did the year go???

It seems just yesterday my heart was in my throat about her 'new' experience and how 'she' would handle it.

As it turned out, I handled it worse than her.  She was totally fine.  She took to it like a duck to water.

Her experience this last year has been a great one.  She met new friends and did very well in all her classes.  Honestly, I couldn't be prouder.  I hate when I worry for nothing!!!

Avery has another day to go.  Today is "game" day for her.  She is bringing some of our games to school.  I hope they make it back home.  You know kids!!!

Not sure what I have planned for summer!!  Oh - right - NOTHING!!

At this point the kids will be flopping around like fish all summer.  Oh well, what can you do?

Actually, we do have plans this summer....wait for it.....wait for it....

DANCE

Girls will be taking classes to keep up on their 'skillz'.

They are at an age where a summer can make or break their placement for the upcoming year.  And as Aspen just got on Point, I don't think she will let us sit around and 'relax' for summer!

I was thinking of contacting the dance studio and asking if I can rent a room their for the summer and just drop the girls and pick them up on August.  They love the place so much why not, right?  Actually, it's a tall building.  If they plan it right, they can build a few lofts and throw some bunks up there!!  (Only joking on a very  minor level).  I'd probably stay there myself! 

I already have had a few overnighters there.  Didn't get much sleep, but I didn't think that was the point!!!

This year at the studio we say good bye to a couple of amazing dancers.  Bittersweet I tell ya!!
For recital this year, they have a dance that starts out in Cap and Gowns.  As I watched them run it through last night, I got choked up watching them walk on stage.

Goodbyes are so hard, I swear!

One of the former students came back and sat in on the dance.  It was so great to see her.  People leave the studio for college, but come back whenever they can, because they want to!!  It's such a part of their lives and as witnessed many times, they are always welcomed back with open arms because they are part of the MVDPAC family.  I just love it!

So to put the kids in dance this summer is a no brainer!  I just need to talk to Jena about building those lofts!  I'll even donate the beds!

Happy Wednesday

misc stuff

This is one of those mornings, I want to start by saying, "I got nuthin".

Not feeling very passionate about much.  I guess that is bound to happen at some point, right?

I'm listening to Mark and Brian talk about weddings and the obscene costs.  I'm actually reflecting on my own wedding (nearly 14 years ago).

I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now, how people will spend so much money (usually more than they have) on just one day of your life!

We had a modest wedding and I'm still happy with our choice.

Chris and I bought a house before we got married, so we definitely had perspective.  I will not lie when I say the best investment was in the photographer!!

I look back at my pictures and we have very nice pictures of Chris' grandma and my father, who are both deceased now.  He captured special moments between me and my dad and I treasure those more than anything.

I think it is misplaced when a bride will spend $3500 on a dress, yet try to get a photographer for $1500.  Those figures should be swapped (excuse me for saying so).

But to each his own.  I'm just giving my perspective.  I suppose if you chince on the dress, and its ugly, it doesn't matter WHO is taking the pictures, does it??  LOL

We can all rationalize any choice we make, can't we.  After all....we aren't rational.....we rationalize! 

Did you know that the divorce rate is 50%??? 

Oh...okay, we won't go there.

I think it is important to have perspective.  Most of us have hindsight, which is totally different.  I live in hindsight.  I make no secret of it.  I have already designed a shirt that says, "I live in hindsight".  It's written on the back so you can't see it.  Only those who live it get the humor......

But whatever......

Today is kickoff for dance rehearsals...  I just went over the list to make sure I know where each kid is going to go.  It is going to be a super busy next 2 weeks.

At this time, I will take it one day at a time.  If I think too much about it, my head will start to spin and pop off.

I hope your day is great.

Like I said...I got nuthin.....

Happy Tuesday

Slow Creep

WHY am I so lucid and focused at 4am???

I woke up a number of times last night!  I really hate when that happens!  Nothing stirred me. I just woke up.  And as soon as I did, my brain ran out of the gate like a horse at a horse race.

First thing I started thinking was how my morning was gonna go.  I have to take my car in, but I need to work out.  I can't really do both without it taking a major chunk of time out of my day.  Then I started thinking about my day and all the stuff that needs to be done.

As I rounded the first corner my brain started obsessing about business decisions I made and a few more that are waiting on me.  My business needs to move forward, but it won't go anywhere unless I start pursuing a few angles.

As I rounded the next bend, my mind went towards money that was spent that might have been a bad investment, and how many hours it would take to shift one project over to another.

My mind was at full speed as it came around the last bend, heading toward the finish line strong, with thoughts of the kids and their upcoming schedules with dance, school and everything else.

I calmed myself down enough to dose off for another hour so I could wake up at 5 and start all over again!!

This morning when I got up, all that worrying did nothing for me but raise my anxiety level for the day and make me tired!

As I looked around my room, with clothes piled in every corner, I realize that the symptoms are staring me in the face.

Somehow, my life has become a bit of 'the tail wagging the dog' (as Dr. Phil says) and I need to spend a little time getting more organized!!  (a continuous theme in my life).

It's called the slow creep.  When you don't take care of things, little by little they start to overwhelm you.  And next thing you know, you have PLENTY to think about (or worry about as it were) at 4 in the morning!!

So, today I will make a list to start chipping away at my anxieties and give myself less to think about in the middle of the night.


But something tells me, it's not going to keep me from waking up in the middle of the night.

I just wish at those times I could think about puppies and kitties and things that make me happy instead of torturous and bothersome tasks.

School's almost out.  I'll be thankful for the reprieve....at least for a while.  Until the 'slow creep' becomes my children who are bored with summer.  Egads...... 

I guess it's always gonna be something, isn't it?

Happy Monday!

Les Mis....

Last night I went to see Les Miserables.  Let me just say O.M.G.  What a treat!

I went in somewhat blind.  I read along with the book when I was in 6th grade.  But what do you really remember from 6th grade???

I decided to take Aspen.  I wasn't sure if it was going to be over her head, but I was forewarned so I went over the story with her just before the show started.  I know she wouldn't have picked that show in a line up, but sometimes you have to choose experiences for your children.

It wasn't as dark feeling as I thought.  Heavy, yes, dark, no.

It is so great to be able to share these experiences with your child.  Many times I would lean over and sum up many of the scenes.  But the beauty in Les Mis, is each song almost literally sings out what is going on.  So not much explanation necessary.  She seemed to keep up fine.

There were some surprising characters and songs that cracked us up.  We seemed to connect to the same ones.  Apparently we are both for physical humor and silliness.

I didn't realize that I knew some of the songs.  But I guess when you have a musical that spans 25 years, some are bound to fall into your lap.

Aspen started getting tired, but she held on.  The music was awesome and did a great job connecting the story to the characters and the overall feel of the show.

As the show ended, I was very choked up. 

It was really nice to leave a show feeling so connected that your heart actually hurt.

My favorite theater shows are ones I know very little about.  I don't want to know enough to form expectations, because apparently, if I hear something is "SO AMAZING", I expect it to be amazing to MY standards (which are pretty stinkin' high) and then more often than not, it just ends up being "okay".

Remember Forrest Gump?  That's what happened to me.  I kept hearing how great it was going to be, so for the whole movie, I kept waiting for something spectacular to happen.  I didn't realize it was just a really cute simple story.  So I didn't come to appreciate it until later!

I would rather sit back and be completely surprised, knowing just enough to get me by, but not too much for form hopes!!

Weird, huh?

But my theory is this; there are so few pleasant surprises in life.  You gotta take advantage when you have the opportunity, right!!!?????

I'm very thankful we were gifted these tix to Les Mis.  Having heard about it for so long, I was afraid it would disappoint.  But instead, I left knowing what all the hubbub was about!

And getting the see it with my bestie, my mom and my daughter....icing on the cake!!

Today is Fathers Day.  I hope your Fathers are spoiled with love, hugs, kisses and lots of appreciation.  As my dad is in heaven, I have sent him my celestial hugs!  I felt him smile.  Today we will embellish our hugs on Chris' dad.  I hope he's ready for us!

Happy Sunday!!

Well, last night was a doozie.....  which explains my later than usual post.  No, I'm not "JUST" getting up.  I have been up for a bit, made french toast, ate breakfast in the back yard and just sat down to my desk.  I have pre-occupied looking through last nights photos.

Yesterday was an eventful day.  I started out with Aspen's school, being a chaperone for their field trip to Discovery science center.  Happily, I found out when I got there that one of my besties signed up too.  So we had fun!  Until we got there! 

Imagine it....4 classrooms, 4 buses and enough kids to fill every last bus.  Imagine, if you will.....the noise!  Oh, and you'll be happy to know, the smell of buses hasn't changed a bit over the decades.  Still smells like feet!

Each chaperone got assigned 5-10 kids.  I had 6, one of which was my very own.  Lucky for her, she had one of her besties with her.  The other kids I had never met before, save one, who as a Reilly student.

As we took the bus ride over, I chatted with two of the moms.   The kids chatted amongst themselves and they were so far, well behaved.  When we got there, we walked across the street to the park and let the kids run rampant for an hour.  They ate and played.  It was fun to watch.  I brought my camera, so I snapped a few shots.  And in fine fashion, a few aspiring models latched on to me and asked me to take pictures of them.  I snapped a few and sent them on their way.  How cute is that?

After lunch, we went to the "Big Cube" as Avery calls it, and we filed in.   Every last one of us.  They had it pretty well organized, but I just couldn't see the wisdom in bringing these kids here.  They seem kind of ...... well..... old!  The discovery science center is a great place for discovery, but the older the kids get, the less time it takes them to absorb what they are seeing.  So if they were left to their own devices, they would have been out of there in an hour.  But we were 'obliged' if you will, for closer to 3 hours.

We got through it all and headed back to school.  On the way back the kids started singing a song and soon all chimed in.  Then they forgot the words and it was over as quick as it started.  It was nice to have a day with my middle schooler, especially since I haven't even been to her school other than the first weeks, picking up her stuff.

After school was over, we went  home, grabbed her stuff and dropped her off at dance.  (Avery was taken care of by Grandma).

After that, I had to b-line it to Anaheim for my very good friends' FIFTIETH birthday!  Yikes....  To hear that she is turning 50 blows my mind.  I have known her since I was 14 (or so) and I just cannot believe how fast time goes.  Not to mention she looks no where near her age!!!  (because if she looks HER age...then I look MY age...and that just cannot happen!!!

We went to the Ranch in Anaheim.  I had never been there before and had no idea what to expect.  I almost passed the place  by, because it looks like a hotel or something.  It looked very 'corporate'. 

When we went in, I was impressed.  It's a nice looking place.  Nice stage, nice dance floor,  you name it.  I found Tammy and Craig right away. And then I dressed Tammy up in her feather boa, a party hat and a flashing button that said, "I'm 5o!"  (i am so getting payback for that, I know!)  We started drinking and dancing and having a good time!!

It's so amazing this ride called life.  You spend your early years hoping to hurry up and pass by, your middle years in a fog, and your older years wondering what the hell happened!!! 

But when you fill your life with special friends and family and you appreciate the gifts we have, it can be a much sweeter ride.

Tammy has been in my life since I was 14.  She dated my brother and it didn't work out.  I don't know the details, and I don't care, because it had nothing to do with me.  All I know is when I met her, we had this connection and despite the fact that my dad thought she was too old to be my friend (7 years my senior), I could not help feeling I needed her in my life.

I'm glad I fought the fight, because in my life she has been my friend, my mother, my sister and an aunt to my children (one of which I swear is hers, because they have the same coloring!)

We have been at each others weddings, and even been to support each other in the passing of our fathers.  We have been through a lot together and I am forever grateful to have her in my life!!!  She comforts me when I need it and she sets me straight when I'm being an idiot!!  She isn't my sister by blood, she is my sister by choice!!! 

I love you Tammy  and I'm so thankful for you in my life!!!

Oops I did it again.....

I should have said no.......

Not that I mind volunteering.... but I should have said no!

Aspen asked me to be a chaperone on a field trip for her class.  I thought, "no big deal.... go for it."

Backlash..... I didn't think two steps ahead and here I am scrambling to find someone to pick up Avery and get her to dance as she gets out earlier than Aspen.  Thank God Chris asked me what was going on.  He's the yin to my yang sometimes (ok....more often than not!). 

I'm so not one to think things through and plan properly.  It's exhausting to scramble.  You'd think I'd be good at it by now.  ...... you'd think.....

People have strengths and weaknesses.  My weakness is definitely organization....  And thinking things through.

I got a fancy calendar on my phone and it's been pretty great.... when I look at it and input stuff.  But many times I agree to things on the fly and forget, completely, to actually document it!  DOH!!!!

Definitely gotten better....but you are talking to a girl who forgot to invite her own Mother to Mother's Day Brunch until the day before! 

I wonder what it is that is a complete disconnect for me.  I can't think beyond what I need to do for me!!!  That sounds selfish I'm sure, but truth is, I'm not sure my brain is capable of more than that at times.  It really bothers me.  I don't remember always being this bad, I think it's gotten way worse since I've had kids!!!  (if I blame THEM....then it's not ME....right???)

I've decided I need an personal assistant to follow me around in life to tidy up my messes.
Someone with an organized brain who thinks things through. 

Funny thing is, most people I surround myself with, are exactly that!  Chris, Julie, many of my girlfriends!  They are all super organized....  like to the "nth" degree!!  And they are forgiving of my "Squirrel" tendencies which is great!!!

Isn't that great that I have people around me to help me when I'm flailing....

More often than not, it works in my favor.  However, there are times I see how bad I am compared to them, and I can't help wondering if I have had a stroke somewhere in my life that I can't recall that makes me this way!

Now, I'm not totally down on myself, I just get frustrated at times.  Just to get by is hard enough...but to scramble all the time is a bit exhausting!!

Thankfully, my today (and weekend) is covered.  However, this weekend I have had a glitch happen.  It wasn't totally  my fault, I did what I was supposed to do....but I didn't get the details right.  So, I have a feeling someone is going to be REALLY mad at me, and I'm not looking forward to it at all..... 

But that blog entry is for another day....  I think I will title it "Backlash"....
Coming to a blog near you....

Happy Friday

Confidence building.....

Last night we had dance class.  Moms in a group ready to learn more and adjust what we already know.

It's so funny to think how far we have come from our first days of practice.

Something happened after we were on stage....to all of us.  We realized that despite our doubts, we could pull it off.  I think we shed a whole layer of doubt and left it behind us.

When we fall into practice now, our approach feels stronger.  Now that we know we can do it, we want to improve.  So our intention has changed.  There are fewer questions in class as Mookie tells us what to do.

Mookie is in the process of changing our dance up.  If he had tried to change our dance before our first performance, we would have been fraught with doubts and fears.

Now that attitude is more like, "Okay..bring it!"

What a great feeling as we stand together knowing how capable we are. 

Too often in life, we don't want to be uncomfortable, or "put out" (read yesterdays blog), so we don't bother with anything extra.

When I was losing weight, I had told myself all my life I was not a runner.  But as walking wasn't doing it for me anymore, I decided to push it a little and start jogging.  It was uncomfortable, but what I found was I could be a runner if I just applied myself.  I may never be the fastest runner, but that wasn't the point.  I just wanted to give it a try.  And when I finished my first 5k, I remember thinking wow!  What next?  So I did the Camp Pendleton Mud Run.  After that, I thought OMG....if I could do this....what else can I do??  And I did a half marathon!!

I realized the only limitations were in my mind.  But it was important to start slow and build.  And that is exactly what we have done in this dance class.

Mookie got frustrated with us yesterday because we were starting to let those fears creep in.  He told us to run it through so he could see.  He felt like all he was hearing was 'excuses' from us.  I really appreciate that he challenged us on this, because, besides the fact that he was right - we could do it; he called us out!  And he didn't let us stay in our comfort zone. 

A good teacher will challenge you while respecting you.  He is VERY good at doing that.  He respected our fears and pushed us through them.  And ..... we moved on from there!

The changes in the dance are a little challenging.  Again, putting us out of our comfort zone.  But as we have already proven we can pull it together, why not give it a shot.

I appreciate the dedication Mookie has given to us.  He has been a great inspiration, and I hope he realizes how much we appreciate him. 

We may not be his strongest or best team.....but I can darn well bet we are the most grateful!!

Push yourself just a little farther than you thought.  It's good to be uncomfortable.

Happy Thursday

C'mon People......Really!!!

People are weird!

Sometimes I sit back and watch and scratch my head.  And being my fathers daughter it's very hard to bite my tongue (as most of you know!)

I was shopping at Trader Joes the other day.  It's a very small grocery store that has everything I need.  I just love it!  As I pull in,  I don't want to fight the people walking in and out of the store, so I immediately go to the back of the parking lot.   The parking lot is proportional to the store.....SMALL......

So why is it, that darned near EVERY TIME I go there, I see a car waiting for someone to pull out so they can get the closest spot??  What is the rationale of this??  Are they afraid they have to walk 5 or 10 more steps?  What would happen then?  A few more ounces of ACTIVITY???  God help us all if that happens!!
The other day I was at Costco and I swear to you, the woman was waiting for a spot, when there was a spot only TWO SPACES BACK ready to be parked in......  I SO badly wanted to walk up to her car and tap on her window and just ask what the heck??  REALLY LADY???  And wait she did.....until she realized this guy wasn't going anywhere soon.  At which point she begrudgingly took the other "less appealing" spot!  She wasted a good 3 minutes of her life to save herself 10 steps...... 

It isn't just parking spots either.  There are so many times I pay for my groceries at Traders and as I walk out, I'm met with a cluster of carts that have just been left!!!  It's almost as if someone yelled FIRE and the carts were ditched in their spots.  They are piled around each other and blocking the exit to the store. 

Someone PLEASE tell me how hard it is to bank a quick left and give it a little extra push to merge the carts together (they are, after all made for quick and compact storage).  Yet they are left there for someone else (usually me) to deal with. 

Yesterday, as I was going through my now "Trader Joes Exit strategy" a woman commiserated with me and helped me tidy up the spot!  I did tell her I'm not perfect, that I'm not against parking my "used" cart on a curb when in a hurry......  She laughed and agreed that she is the same...  But still..that is a little different than pushing something two extra feet with a small amount of effort.

How did we get so stinking lazy???  I'm sure most would put it under the veil of "too busy" or "in a hurry"....but what I witness takes more time out of our day than anything else!!!   And the fact that we don't even exert ourselves in the smallest of ways is just a little embarrassing.

Maybe I'm being a bit self righteous here, but these last few days have been pretty blatant displays that blow my mind!!

I'm a bit disappointed at times as I feel we are becoming so self-absorbed that we can't take a second to think about what is right.

This past weekend a little girl from the studio came up to me and boasted about how she is getting an Iphone when she gets to the next grade.  Poor thing told the wrong person!!!  I fired off at her and told her I don't give a darn about her "STUFF".... I would much rather hear that she helped an old lady across the street.  That her "STUFF" is robbing her of character.   I told her come back to me and tell me when she did a good deed and I would be all over that! 

Then a few of the other kids gathered and I gave them a lecture about being good PEOPLE!!! 

I do appreciate when "Stuff" makes our lives easier....  But I don't want to hear your list of "stuff".  I don't care what car you drive, I care about character.  When someone donates time to spend with kids, or people in need that is what I care about.

The child seemed slightly phased by my words.  And to be honest, I felt a little bad.  But she got my point.  And when she gets her Iphone, I'm sure it will  be tucked away tightly when in my presence!

I don't know why I felt the need to go off on this today.  But I just feel like we are losing something as a society and a country.  And it makes me sad!

Care just a little more this week.....  I don't care about what.  Just ...... Care....

Happy Wednesday

Jazz and Jewelry.....

Last night Aspen had an extra half hour of practice for one of her classes.  During that time I was invited to a jewelry party by a friend.  She made it clear that I didn't have to buy anything, and I was grateful.  I can pretty much tell you our extra income in the last month has gone toward dance items.

I showed up to the party and was greeted by my friend who introduced me to all who came.  She's so funny, because she is a natural at entertaining.  Her house was set up with appetizers at every corner.

I didn't know that many people there.  As a matter of fact, none of them.  I was familiar with her family members, but the rest were new to me. 

As she introduced us all, we were a diverse group.  Friends, family, school, dance, etc.  Everyone was really nice, and the energy in the room was high.

My friend handed me a glass of wine and invited me to go shopping (or not...she really didn't care, she just wanted everyone together).

I LOVE jewelry.   There was a lot of great stuff there.  Most of it was out of my price range.  I  tend to lose jewelry, so I tend to 'not' invest too much.  I wear it for a purpose, and when I'm done, I'm done.  Which could mean I'm in the car and I'm done...which means it will sit in my car until I clean it out.  And if you know me....it could be a while.

So as I'm walking around looking at all the jewelry, I'm very cautious not to fall in love.

I tend to get overwhelmed when a lot of stuff is in front of me, so I decided to sit down and thumb through the catalog.  Surely there is some small trinket I could indulge in.

But as I thumbed through, I looked at the prices.....and started equating them with dance products. 

This is how you know dance has taken over your life.

I looked at a small pair of earrings and thought, "Oh, well that's a leotard".  And I saw a necklace and the price was the same as a pair of jazz shoes (which I have purchased THREE pairs in the last week, so I know what I'm talking about!)

When I realized there was nothing I really "NEEDED" from the jewelry party, I did what I do best.  I people watched!!!

I love people.  We are such an eclectic bunch.

Each of these ladies was very well put together.  Even in their casual attire.  They were pleasant and communicative.  It was so fun to see the 'other' side of my friends life.  I only know her as a dance mom.

It was clear that she is loved.  The room was full!  She smiled as she talked with everyone, she's so cute!

I chatted with one of her friends and then her sister.  We had a nice time.

I only had an hour to visit.  And though I wanted to find something, I couldn't justify a purchase at this time.  But I was there more for the visit anyways.

I got back to dance in time to see the run through of Aspens dance.  It's coming along.  I love to watch her teacher as he runs through the dance with them.  He is so passionate about what he does.  That just bleeds to the kids. 

All in all, it was a nice night. 

There is just over a week of school left.  I'm looking forward to a few more nights where I can sit and visit with friends.  It's definitely time, don't you think??

Happy Tuesday!

Pictures, dance and recital

Had a very full weekend with pictures and dance.  Between the girls and myself, we had 8 pictures and picture times between us.  That means 8 costumes, accessories and lots of makeup.

Thankfully for me, I left it to my kids to grab their own stuff and I grabbed mine.  All we had to do from that point is wait!!!

When you are in a recital, you are required to take the team picture, whether you order the pictures or not.  I think that is a fair request.  When people don't show up for their pictures, they don't get to be on the wall, but besides that, having been in dance for 8 years now with the girls; it's nice to know who was on the team.

However picture day is no walk in the park.  Two of the studios are set up with photographers (no, not me) and they are rifling through all the pictures.  It's quite the feat. 

With a studio supporting 1700 students (give or take), and roughly 40 dances per cast and 4 casts....well... you do the math. 

Thankfully, they have it all pretty well laid out.  Everyone has their call time for pictures, so though a lot of people are coming in and out, not many of them are there for long. 

Not many.....but me!

Aspen' had morning times, I had afternoon (with the mom crew) and Avery had afternoon.  We were there until about 6.

No big deal.  Just another day of dance.

I didn't order one picture.....

Weird, huh?

If I figure at least $30 per team times 8, I'm looking at $240.  And as I just had to buy 3 pairs of jazz shoes (two black and one tan.....don't ask) I think I need to pick and choose how I spend the money.

My girls are propelling forward, so I need to be more selective in my financial planning.  Thankfully, I was able to get pictures of all my girls from their recital, so I'm covered.  And I can get their team pictures during the recital when they dance on stage. 

I have been shooting the recital since 2004.  Over the years it's become quite the production.   Shows have increased, casts have increased, it's been amazing to watch grow.  Inevitably at the end of every show, I have cried my makeup off watching all these cute kids dance.  Many I have watched grow, and every year, we see long time students move on to college.

At this time, both of my girls are still emerging.  Their skills are developing and I can't wait to see them every year.

As I watched them change yesterday into each new costume, I found myself curious to know what their dances will be.

In years past, I would watch their class, so by the time recital came, I knew exactly what to expect.  But in the last two years, they have been dropped off (as they are there for 3 hours each day), so  I have no idea what to expect.  What a way more exciting way to go into recital!!

As we gear up for recital, I know this month will be a whirlwind.  I'm reminded why I take pictures.....because I can't remember a thing in the month of June!

But that's okay.  When July comes,  it will be time to (almost) relax.  We still have nationals.  And this year we (moms) are competing.  But after nationals....you will find me chillin at the lake with a nice book in my hands.  Not sure I'll be reading it.  I may just revel in the fact that it's there.

Happy Monday!

Getting "Out"

I was up early this morning.   I rolled out of bed so I could run to Weight Watchers and weigh in.  I'm up a little and I have to do damage control.

So naturally, after weigh in (and the resolve to do better this week) , I went to the donut shop. 

Funny how old rituals come to pass.  I actually went to grab the kids a treat, but as I'm standing in front of the cinnamon rolls, well...you can guess the outcome!!!

One might judge me for my decision, but truth is, it was my weigh in ritual as a member.  It's my one "treat" for the week and now I'm off!  I'll be more conscientious all week.  I know a lot of members who do the same thing!!  I can recover from today....but if I do it the rest of the week.....good gosh almighty!!

But we have to indulge, right???

So as I approached the donut shop, it's so funny the feelings that creep up.  What is it about a donut shop that makes me feel like a kid???

Well, I'm glad you asked!!!

I started working when I was in 6th grade.  A paper route.  I have blogged about this before.

The donut shop was about 2 miles down the road from our house.  When I had a Sunday paper route, I would get up at 5am, ride down to the donut shop (Winchells, thank you) and bring a dozen donuts to my colleague.  (don't ask).

Something about the smell of a donut shop sends the senses reeling.....  Along with the bevy of choices....yum yum....  But what it also does is take you back to a simpler time.

As I walked into the donut shop, I saw to senior gentlemen sitting at the table, reading the paper.  I was in there for about 5 minutes and not a word was exchanged between the two of them (sitting at the same table).  All I heard was the rustle of the papers.

It made me appreciate the act of leaving the house to enjoy a moment out.

I was driving home last night and this very though occurred to me.  Most people spend their time within a few mile radius of their home.  We get so complacent with our lives, that we forget how blessed we are to have freedom of choice.

I do my best to get down to the beach, even if only for an hour.  My husband doesn't like it there, the kids are usually in school or dance, so I'm on my own. No complaints there.  Talk about solitude.

As I watched these guys at the table, with what looked like a Sunday morning ritual, I found myself a bit envious.  They looked content.

I left with my box of donuts and wished them a good day.  One of the guys looked up at me, surprised they were even acknowledged.  But to be honest, it was more of a tipping my hat to them as if to say, "Thank you". 

Every so often we need a reminder of what we can do!!

Think outside the box....

Happy Sunday

The art of letting go

Do you ever feel 'stuck'?  Stuck in the past, can't move forward?  Maybe you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over?

I know people like this.  I was in a conversation with someone recently, and my squirrel brain had an epiphany about someone I know.  They just don't know how to move forward with their lives.

I have totally been there.  I had a best friend and boyfriend leave me to be with each other....when I was FOURTEEN!!!!  Talk about your formative years, good gosh almighty!

That one stuck with me for a long time.  Everything I knew in my world, was gone in a second.  I couldn't cry to my best friend about the breakup with my boyfriend, because she was with him.  I couldn't cry to my boyfriend how I'd lost my best friend, because he was with her....   And as I only had one close friend, I was basically left with nothing!

OUCH......

How do you come to grips with your world of people walking away from you?  And to top it off, my sister stayed friends with her, and couldn't understand where I was coming from....

It was a really awful time in my life.  I literally had no trust for anyone.  Eventually, the boyfriend came back to me.  He'd realized within a month that she wasn't me.  And being an emotional 14 year old girl, I took him back so I could break up with him a month later.  It just wasn't the same.

But the relationship with my friend didn't heal so well.  I couldn't get over the fact that she betrayed me.

For years, I tried to come to grips with it all, but it hurt every time I thought about it.  We did stay in contact, and I even tried to talk about it with her MANY time over the (now) decades and she talked it out with me every stinkin' time.  But I just couldn't let it go.  Pretty soon, I wondered what was wrong with me, because I couldn't let it go. 

Fast forward many years and we took up contact.  We started over so-to-speak.  We were adults now and the petty crap of childhood doesn't have space in the day to day of marriage, work, kids.  I still never felt 100% however.  It stayed in the back of my mind, no matter how I tried to let it go.

Shortly after we took up contact again, I found out she had cancer.  Funny thing about cancer....it puts EVERYTHING in perspective.  I remember she was stuck in her room, sick.  She was spending a lot of time there.  So I made up a bunch of large sized prints of places I had been that were scenic.  So she could look at them and take "Mental Vacations".    Pretty soon, I realized I had finally let go of the past.  FINALLY......  I could now look at my friend with new eyes and have a new relationship with her.  I could forgive her quirks and not judge them for anything other than "that's HER!"

It was such a great feeling!  Thankfully, she has been cancer free and our friendship is strong.

I know that not all people have the ability to let go.  I know a few people who are SO far deep in the past, they don't even realize it is holding them from the present.

But what I realize about at least two of these individuals is the past they are holding on to, is representative of the happier time in their lives.  If they let that go, they will literally be propelled into the future (today) where there lives are not as happy as they once were.  Further more, they will have to own up to the fact that they have power over their lives and I don't see that ever happening. 

Holding on can be a blessing and a curse.  I was holding on to a painful instance, because I feared I was doomed to have it repeated if I didn't figure it out.  But thankfully, with age and perspective, I now realize that it came down to kids being kids.  And as we know, kids dont' make smart choices.  They make emotional choices.  And I was caught in the crossfire.  Bummer for me!

I am thankful that I have my approach on life.   When things are good, go with it, and when things are bad, learn from it!

Letting go is hard.  When we hold on to something, it stops us from going forward and growing.   Not to say we can't live our lives, but it dramatically influences every choice we make.  It affects our emotions and it plain old keeps us stuck.

I have had a few friends with cancer, who all thankfully survived.  I have witnessed how coming back from death changes how much you care about 'stuff'.  I have adopted this way for myself.  I learned from these women that we can die at any time.  Do we want to waste our precious moments on drama, when we can simply say, "whatever happens happens......"

Tim McGraw sang a brilliant song, "Live like you were Dying".  It's a great reminder that if we don't appreciate what we have today, one day we will look back on it and wonder why we didn't take advantage of what we have NOW!!!

Learn to let go.

Happy Saturday

Costumes and Picture day.....

Friday.  Thank you God for letting me get here.  It's been quite a week.  As much as I would like to say I get to relax this weekend; it's picture day and I have two girls with 6 costumes, many of which need to be sewn or altered.  So far it doesn't look like much.  But I gotta say, every time I have to alter a dress, shoe, sock, headpiece or tight....I REALLY appreciate those dance teachers!

There have been so many times I have heard them say, "This weekend I will be home adding six million rhinestones to an otherwise plain costume".  (Okay, the don't say it exactly like that, but you get my point.

I saw one of the girl's costumes for competition and I about fell over when I saw her FISHNETS blinged at every criss cross.

Do you know that the ratio of holes to fabric is about 3 to 1 in favor of the HOLES???  I heard the process of getting these things blinged and I gotta say it was sheer brilliance.  They used a leg form and wax paper (to be easily removed from the glue) and carefully dabbed each corner with glue and then adhered the rhinestone. 

I'm thinkin' NO PROBLEM!!!  (as long as I have a bottle of wine and 50 of my closest friends with the smallest hands ever to help me).

Every year at this time it's something.  Either the costume needs to be tacked, or glued or slightly altered.  Thankfully for me, my alterations have been very minimal.  I get more wound up trying to make sure we have all the correct components for each costume.

Last year, I was so proud of myself, because I had every costume labeled with the girls' names, and each costume had a ziploc bag filled with their tights and accessories as well as the paper that states how their hair is to be worn.  (Because it is usually different for every dance).  This way, back stage, whomever is helping with the costumes will have it all laid out in front of them with NO chance for error!!!

Well, this year, I think I will go one step further....I will take pictures of each girl in each of their costumes ( made up as they are supposed to be) and laminate that and have it with their costumes.

Why go to the bother??  Well, last year after the first dance, all my efforts were dashed when the girls (who run frantically backstage getting undressed for one and redressed for the next dance) haphazardly tossed all their "stuff" (because that is what it's all become now) into their bag (or shall I say CRAMMED....because that is what it really looked like), and all that was left were empty baggies floating in the wind....  (*heavy sigh*).......

I do give them credit, for no matter how they tossed my efforts aside, we got through every last recital cast with costumes completely in tact.  Now THAT's a professional!!!

And as for those fishnets with the bling....I'm thankful that isn't in my costume list.  Because if it were my kid wearing those and she accidently snagged them and we had to start over....I might consider trading in my kid..... 

They do make them cute for a reason, don't they???

Happy Friday!

Costs....and transitions....

You ever have days your just not sure you will get through?  I swear, everything I did was frought with an ounce of drama or frustration.

I did pretty well when I got up.  Believe it or not, I feel like I'm still recovering from the last weekend.  Though I'm way more alert, for some reason my body was just not having it.  I started the day by skipping my morning workout.  I do believe  that was a big mistake!

Funny thing about working out.  Hardly a person will jump out of bed thinking "I can't wait!".  More often than not you are literally dragging yourself there (usually talking yourself OUT of it along the way).  Once you get there, you are resigned; while you are doing it, you are wondering why you didn't stay in bed....and when you are done, you are glad you came!!!!

As I knew how I would feel when I was done, I still couldn't bring myself to do it.  The energy wasn't even there to get in the car.

However, if I had gone, I bet I would have found the energy to at least work at 50% and get some benefit out of it!  Shame on me!!!  I rationalized that I would do something later; but as my minutes were scheduled for the day, it wasn't likely.

So, I got to work.

Work has been going okay, but it's going to get crazy in the next month!  June is known as the "see you in July" month!  If I'm not working, I'm sleeping. 

As my day went on, I got more things thrown on my plate.  I'm used to that.  What I'm not used to is people who don't get how I work.  And what I believe it comes down to is lack of education on my part!

I find myself constantly telling people on the back side what should be done.  Whereas if I spent the time on the front end, it would save me so much time and frustration.  I have been doing this for years!!!

I also realized yesterday (again) how much time I spend doing stuff for people for free.  And yesterday the cost of my "Free" really hit me in  the face.  (please don't send me advice)

If you are a people pleaser like me, you want to help people out.  You literally find ways to make it happen.  This in itself is not a problem.

What the problem is, is when it starts bleeding into other parts of your life.  Like work....and family!

When your family starts paying the price for you helping another, then something needs to be looked at.

Many times I have sat, working at my desk, yelling at my children to leave me be so I can finish my "work".  When in fact, my "work" is hours of my life that is spent while someone else gets to enjoy 'my' free time.    Can someone please compute the cost of that for me????

As a photographer, I take pictures.  Some people look at me like I'm a gal with a camera.  And sometimes I act like it.  Sometimes I take pictures for pleasure and sometimes I take pictures for work.  What I tend to have a problem with is if I just "snap a shot" at a party.... does that mean the picture is free?  Should I just pass it along?

In the past, I said, "sure".  But what I have found time and again, is I don't just pass it along.  I take it home and edit it, sharpen, contrast, color correct,  burn to CD....and then "pass it along".  For every picture I take it is at least 5 minutes of my time. 

I went to take a quick snapshot of a friend, because I was "gonna be there anyway".  It didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  But what happened was, initially, I wasn't gonna have my camera while I was there, so my dynamic now changed.  And as I had my camera, I didn't want to run that errand I was gonna do after I took the picture, so I changed my afternoon and went back home.  So I missed my errand and would have to start all over with it, which was about an hour now, instead of the few extra minutes it would have taken if I had just hit it on the way home.

Because I went home, I went straight to my computer, and I edited every last of the 20 or so images I took.  And then I gave them away....... 

Yes...totally my fault.  I hold no resentment, because this was my choice.  But what I realized is I have a tendency to do this a lot!!  And for this week alone, I have given away about 5 hours of my life to someone else so they can rest easy.

As a business owner you have to make terribly hard decisions.  I had to communicate something yesterday that nearly had me in tears.   And it was simply that I would have to charge for my time if someone wanted photographic services from me.

But the realization I came to is, this is my business.  And every time I sit at my computer there is a cost to my family because I am not with them.  I need to remember this when I'm offering myself out there.

But because I am a people pleaser and I live to see people happy, it makes it really hard!!

I'm still finding my balance.  I feel so blessed to do what I do, that I wouldn't change that.  I just have to work on my boundaries and education process.  I guess I'm still making the transition myself in my mind. 

Thankfully, I'm surrounded by much support and forgiveness....  I'll get there, eventually.

Happy Thursday!

Starting off on the wrong foot

Morning isn't going so smooth. 
Last night didn't go so smooth either....

Ever have days where no matter what you say, it is received or responded to wrong?  Communication is just....off?  No matter what you say, there is no recovery whatsoever?

I'm almost to the point of "why bother".

Ever been there?

Everybody is busy in this house.  Dance, school work, work, and work, meetings and more work......

There are times that schedules just sort of overtake the house.  And the house gets grumpy.  Okay...not the house....but the people in the house.  Even the dogs.  (the don't say it...but I see the look in their eyes).

As my morning started out with attitude from family members, I'm ready to call it a day and go back to bed.  Only all the orders I have waiting for me would sit and I would have to work twice as fast next time I sat down.  And then someone would come to me with an immediate need and I would be screwed so to speak, and have to put things off longer.

There are no options here.  I hate when there are no options....

I also hate starting the day off like this.  It seems to set the tone for the day.

Though I speak like I'm a victim, I do realize I have a choice in all this.  I can choose to be happy, or I can choose to wallow in this sludge of emotions.  And as I don't really feel like wallowing today,  I will take my music player upstairs, put on my favorite playlist and get through my day singing.  I may even put on my Minnie Mouse ears to lift me up a bit!  Why not, right?  No one will see me!  (although my public declaration will give one plenty to laugh at me, but that's okay).

There is nothing I can do about this mornings interaction.  But I can choose how the rest of my day goes (with no one here). 

I'm definitely taking advantage of the quiet of the house and I'm going to get my stuff done. (and do my best to avoid human interaction)

And that is that!

Happy Wednesday

Food is fuel!!!

I am so thankful I'm feeling human today.  I had so little energy yesterday, I thought I was getting the flu.  Every joint ached and my muscles felt like there was led running through.  To move was quite the effort.

We tend to take our bodies for granted, that is for sure.  We demand high but offer it nothing so it can produce with effeciency.  Yet still we demand.

Food is definitely fuel.  And I know for a fact this weekend I didn't have near enough good stuff.  Water included.  I'm sure what I was feeling yesterday was the effects of dehydration.  So I spent my day drinking as much as possible; and taking vitamins and resting.

Every movement took effort and my brain was in a complete fog.

But what is interesting to me is that I had a photo session in the late afternoon.  And regardless how my body tortured me all day, I didn't feel a thing while I was shooting.  It didn't even enter my head how I spent my day practically laid out.

And when I got back in the car, it started creeping back up to the surface.

Strange, huh?

Our body simply responds to need.  As I didn't "need" to do much yesterday, I played through my reserve mode and rested most of the day.  And as I "Needed" to photograph my clients, my body gave me what I needed.

I'm just bewildered, because I am so aware now of how I need to take better care of my body. 

One thing I realized over the last few years is when I exercise regularly, my body responds so much better - to everything!!!

I once heard Dr. Oz say, "Disease isn't the problem....FRAILTY is the problem". 

We don't take care of ourselves and we push harder and harder and harder until we collapse into illness.  Sound familiar???

So, yesterday, I went to Costco and loaded up on good healthy foods to support my body.  The blueberries are AMAZING  right now and they can go in literally anything (including chicken salad sandwiches).  Peaches, avocados,lean proteins and LOTS of water!!  Afterall, our bodies are made up of more than 50% water.....  And it helps flush out toxins in your body (like wine.... LOL)

If I'm going to be expecting a lot from this body of mine, I darned well better give it the fuel it needs.

Afterall, you wouldn't try to fill your car up with sand, and hope it would run, would you?  Yet we do!

Weight Watchers calls them the Power Foods.  I call them fuel for the body!  And this week, I'll be stocking up, as well as getting in my exercise.....

I definitely don't want to feel like I did on Monday anytime soon!!!!

Happy Tuesday

And.....you're on!

You know how it's really hard to sleep the night before you travel; especially when you have an early flight?  Well I found that performing for your first time has the same affect!!

Talk about a whirlwind day!  It started out with lack of sleep and went crazy from there.

When you are at competition, you are surrounded by many families and many friends and many of your kids' friends.  So suffice it to say, there is lots of socializing going on...and late bed times.

Unfortunately, the whole spending the night in a hotel thing is a mixed bag.  You book a room because you need good rest, but then you end up socializing and partying (if you will) with people you rarely get to see.  The place is usually charged with excitement and energy!

Well, as we moms were performing for the first time, you can add more than energy to that list; Anticipation, fear, uncertainty, fear......asking yourself over and over "HOW did I get into this???" (and did I mention FEAR?)

Thankfully for me, the day started with makeup.  As many of the moms don't wear makeup, I offered to help out.  Apparently makeup is my thing.  I think I'm starting to come to terms with it.

So, I had two in my hotel and three come up to have me help them out.  This was a great distraction for me.  It was also a great way to bond with them on a totally different level. 

For the past few months we have been exposed to moms we may see, but not have time to talk to.  We all signed up for the task of competing a dance to "show up" our kids.  Little did we know that most of us were unqualified for the task.  So to actually get us to be stage ready was a lot of hard work, an act of God and a MAJOR act of "Mookie" (our ever patient awesome and amazing choreographer and teacher).  I'm sure Mookie had no idea what he was undertaking when we walked into the room.  The fact that he stuck it out with us....he has our undying gratitude.....

The difference between teaching kids and moms is this;  Kids don't challenge what they are told and most don't ask a ton of questions.  They really don't think beyond the words spoken to them.

MOM's however, (as students) have the ability to think way ahead, and if something seems off, they question it.  They need to know the how's the where's the why's etc.  This makes learning take a little bit longer than it should.  Throw in doubt and confusion (which many of us had) and it made the process a LOT LONGER.

So, to say we all bonded during this experience would be an understatement.  The fact that I'm in my hotel room doing makeup on five of the women is exciting,  because it represents how far we have all come and that we are actually "here" to do what we set out to do so many months ago.

Our call time was mid morning.  As the last makeup brush fell, we were out the door to meet Mookie to go over the dance.

Emotions were running high (both good and bad).  We were excited, nervous, anxious, doubtful, hopeful - you name it!  There was no turning back!  At one point I was ready to lose it.  I got frustrated at how our "pre game" practice was going and I couldn't take it.  He gave us a break and when I left, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold myself together.  Thankfully, I was able to commiserate with one of my teammates to get it out.  She talked me down. 

After our final practice, we sat with anticipation.  I had a final few minutes with Mookie who pumped me up and gave me the last bit of confidence I needed.

We went backstage.....  It was time.  We quickly ran through the dance behind the scenes.  We said a quick prayer, and off we went....  You could feel the energy between us.  The photographer in me was DYING that I couldn't get the shots of the women with sheer anticipation on on their faces. 

As we stood at the foot of the stairs,  hands were shaking hearts were in our throats (okay, mine anyway).  We were literally ironing out the details of where we stand on stage, because most of us had never been and didn't get a stage run through!

Then it happened.....they called our number.  As they announced our group, we could hear the cheers so loud, I had heard nothing like it all day.  I was so touched and overwhelmed, that I turned to a teammate and said, "I think I'm gonna cry"  (mom's, I tell ya!)

As we went out on stage, I didn't dare look up.  I would have lost it.  I looked to my mark and took my spot.....and then the music started.

And then it happened....

There was no turning back and as the music played we hit our spots, and worked together as we had been taught for months.  Out of sheer fear, I did everything with as much accuracy as I could manage.  I looked around at my teammates as if wanting silent reassurance from them.  If I am doing the same thing they are, then I'm good.  And as I looked around, we were on cue.  As the tempo changed and we went into the Krumping section of the dance, I could hear the cheers.  My only goal was to bring the anger that Mookie wanted for this part.  Each move has to be done with intention. 

We are in the home stretch...at the end we run to the front of the stage and explode with the last note......and we hold for 8 counts.  As I look out to the crowd, I'm so full of emotion I see nothing.  But what I hear fills my ears and my soul.   We DID IT!!!  We ACTUALLY DID IT!!!

We stood up and exited the stage....and then I felt it.  All the emotions I tried to keep in.  I could feel my body let go and tears started welling up.  I caught my breath enough to not lose it completely.

As I rounded the back of the stage, I see a tiny and petite sweet running at me to tackle me with a hug.  As she got closer, her smile grew.  Aspen was so proud, I could see it on her face!!  More tears came.  What a great moment.  To be switched with my daughter.  Usually it is I greeting her after her performance.

Close on her heels was Avery.  Same big smile, bigger hug!  What a great moment!!!

Then I saw Mookie....the look on his face said it all.  As we gathered around him, his jaw was dropped and he said, "I have NEVER seen a practice like THAT!!!  You guys BROUGHT IT!"  He went on and we stood listening as if 5 year old children who did a good deed.  And we ate it up!  I could have listened all day, because if you were there BEFORE practice.....you would have never imagined that we would have pulled this off.

But one thing you need to know about moms; when it comes to our children, failure is NOT an option.  Not to say it doesn't happen....but if we have any choice whatsoever, we will NOT let our children down.  We did it for them.  We wanted to do them proud!  To please our teacher.......was icing on the cake!!

We recieved a Gold award for our performance (not bad for a first time - it's basically 3rd place in our category).  But we recieved first place overall which is a GREAT award!!!  That means our efforts were recognized by the judges.

I didn't actually see it, even though it was right in front of me - but I was told the judges gave us a standing ovation!!!

I'll take that over any award on any day!!!

Mookie, you are the bomb.  You took a bunch of blind women and you helped us to see.  You brought us to a level we didn't know we could achieve.  You gave us something to be proud of and for that I am forever grateful!!! I will be flying all week on this high!

I love you tons!!

Happy Monday