Here it goes.....

I never look forward to time passing.  Because once it's gone - it's gone.

And at least with today, I know what I have!!!

I remember many years ago, when Aspen was getting more mobile, and making my life crazy.  It was hard to watch her and I never felt like I had "Me time".  (I didn't EVER, but whatever).  I remember my sister saying, "I know this time seems so hard, but it goes quickly and then it moves on to something else.  Enjoy ever second!"   And.....she was right.  Because here I sit now, with a 9 and 11 year old, sometimes wishing I had more kids, but realizing that time of my life has passed!  It makes me sad!

So, now as 2011 comes to a close and 2012 is right around the corner, I find myself reflecting back.  It wasn't a bad year.  It was busy....but not bad!!  Things actually started looking up.  After 11 years, I got a new car (and a new car payment).  I can now drive without worrying whether my car will make it somewhere, or if I'll have to drive it backwards through Target because the Tranny just went out! ( true story).

Chris' job started taking off.  He's seeing some real momentum, and it looks like there will be actual payoff soon!!!  We can start throwing dirt into the hole that we have been living in and start climbing out.

The girls completed their first year of dance team; and their self-esteem has grown because of it. 

I have reconnected with friends thanks to our slightly adjusted schedules this year.  It's been great to actually sit down and chat instead of running to pick up and dashing out the door.

We've taken a few short trips and had a fantastic time. 

So, looking back, I'm thankful for this year.  We have all been healthy and we are all still together.  And....dare I say, we actually like each other!!  How nice.

I will take 2012 day by day.  But I will always be thankful for 2011.  Another year gone...but not forgotten.

Happy Saturday!

Chunk it down and repeat....

As the year comes to a close, I start to think about things I aspired to do, but didn't quite achieve.  Yet another year is gone from my life that I won't get back.  Am I happy with where I am?  Or frustrated that I let another year get away from me and all I wanted to achieve!

Since about 2007 I have said every year, "This is gonna be THE year that every thing gets better!"  And every year right around this time I sit here and say, "Wow.....where did the time go????"


Organization is always at the top of my list.  And though I still have yet to achieve it, I think the greater success is, that I haven't given up trying!!!

It seems to me that every year falls short somehow.  Yet, for the most part, I wait until the end of the year to actually look at it!  What's up with that???

Well, this week I realized that I just didn't keep putting it all into play over and over until it became part of my life!!!  I would do something ONCE.....walk away, and hope it stayed that way!

But it's like the dishes.  Try as I might to keep that damn sink empty.....dishes keep popping up!  So I do them again and again and again! (Or invite those over who do them for me because we feed them!) :D

I have to remind myself that I have lost weight and kept it off, because I kept chipping away at it.  And I never quit.  So the same must happen for my aspirations of and organized life!  I WILL get there, if I keep putting small practices into play on a regular and consistent basis.

Losing weight was the hardest yet most rewarding thing I have done.  I maintain my weight by simply doing that which I trained myself to do over and over and over again and now it is part of my daily life!!!  (Working there to stay on target doesn't hurt, either!)

So, this year, as I write my "Aspirations", I will think more about the small ways I can achieve the overall goal.  My habit of leaving my car with whatever was in there just doesn't work.  Taking 2 seconds to grab everything (and make everyone else grab THEIR stuff helps too!)

 So far, my car is way cleaner than my van was!! 

I see it is possible.  I just have to keep my eye on the prize!!!  It's not an ALL or NOTHING thing.  It's a little at a time until it IS!!!!

Chunk it down!!!!

Happy Friday!

Adventure day

Yesterday I had an itch to take an adventure day with my girls. Thankfully, the two easiest (and available) people in my life were available to join us; mom and Julie. They are always on board for "whatever". For that I am so thankful.

I wanted to go to Graumanns Chinese theater and wander through LA.n the girls helped me pack up the car with food and off we went.

We don't have a DVD player in the car and the girls didn't bring any electronics with them. It was just us. I feel it is a good thing for them to look up and out while taking road trips. Electronic gadgets just take away from the experience.

On the way down (because traffice was so bad) we stopped at a restaurant to use their bathroom. As we walked in I saw two adults and two kids sitting at a table. The kids were playing their DS'. That is SUCH a pet peeve with me. Nothing says, "I don't want to deal with you." more than a kid with a gadget at the dinner table.

As we came out of the restaurant and got back into the car, we saw a shoe store going out of business. Everything was 60% off. We couldn't resist, so we checked it out. Final score on that trip: Avery 3 pairs, Julie 1, mom 1, me and aspen.....0.

Off we go. By this time, we were hungry, so we pulled out our PBJs. For some reason, those sandwiches never get old. We ate as we drove. On our way, we saw areas that brought back memories and we shared stories with the girls. As one story unfolds everyone chimes in with questions or additional stories. No matter the conversation, we usually end up with a laugh.

When we got do Hollywood blvd, I told the girls to keep their eyes peeled. They will see interesting characters for sure. Immediately, Aspen sees a homeless man and called him a hobo. I told her not to use that term out loud as it might be offensive.

When we got to the theater, we were distracted by all the concrete slabs with the stars imprints. It was fun to watch the girls go from one to the next while we explained which stars were in which movies. When we saw Jean Simmons I had to explain it was not the guy from Kiss, but a lady from many years earlier.

We searched through the stores, bought a quick souvenier and piled back in the car to venture through Mulholland drive. As we passed universal studios I offered to take the girls there instead of driving around. They opted for the drive. This made me giggle. The would rather sit in the back of the car and play tourist than go to an amusement park.

We went to Rodeo Drive. My plan was to park and walk, but traffic was so slow that we literally saw every store at walking pace, so we just kept going. We passed the Beverly Hills Hotel, the LA national Cemetery, and eventually started heading home.

On our way we made one more stop for dinner at the Promenade. We asked the girls their hi and low. Their high was driving through LA. Their low was they didn't see any stars. We told them we would open the sunroof on the way home and they could see all the stars they wanted. They didn't laugh.

All in all, we were in the car for about 7 hours. And out of that there was not one complaint about being bored. We all had a great experience. And as we neared home, the girls were asking if there was anywhere else we could go. I love that.

If they were checked out in electronic gagdets, I guarantee they would have hit boredom ten times over. But as we were all sharing the experience and stories together, we were a captive audience for them and we all had a great time. I can't wait to do it again soon!

Happy Thursday

Seize the day

I only have 2 full days off during the week.  And they are usually filled with photography.  So, technically, they are not days off.  I have very few days "off" during the year.

Today, I am going to take advantage of the time I have with my children.  They have no schedule today, and as mine can be rearranged a bit, I'm going to do just that.

It's a beautiful day and I am going to spend it with them acting like a tourist.  I have gathered my best friend and my mom to go with, and we are going on an adventure. 

Not sure where we will end up, and I don't care.  I will bring my camera and collect my volunteers and head north. 

Can't wait to come back with the adventures we have shared.

Happy Wednesday!

Tech-not-ogy

I have never been a huge techie. I learn what I need to know and the rest just confuses me so I let it go.

When I got the Iphone, it was the most forward move I made. Slowly, I became one of those annoying people who can't talk to someone without texting and being rude, AND justifying it.

A few months ago, I had to replace a lost iPhone, and it has not been the same. It freezes on me, the apps don't work the same, I lost contacts and I have become increasingly frustrated. So I mostly use it to call....and being that it is AT&T....well you can guess how well THAT works most of the time.

Similarly, my iPad hasn't been all it's cracked up to be either.

So I have been backing off technology.

Most people will troubleshoot and figure out the problem. For me, it is just another thing on my list that I don't have time for.

My computer has been the most reliable device (a PC thank you), and so I check in on that. Only, in the most recent months or so, I have hit the wall with technology. My computer -for leisure- has become a little less appealing.

My attention has been directed more towards spending time with the kids. And I have been enjoying it a lot more. I realize that for every minute they stare at the back of my head, the more I miss opportunities to get to know them.

Though I realize I need technology for work, and to stay connected, I am constantly reminded of technological limitations. Most of them mine, true....but nonetheless. Staying connected physically, will always supersede staying connected electronically.

Happy Tuesday

Waves 2 and 3

Last blog cut short due to technical difficulties

Wave two of Christmas, Avery up at 6:30, claiming she waited since 5am to wake us up.  Swore she saw Rudolph's nose in the middle of the  night, I'm sure she was dreaming, but how cute is her anticipation!

We ambled down the stairs groggy and let the kids have their way.  Paper flying every where, squeals of delight.....and then silence......

Trash everywhere, it look like Christmas exploded in our house.  After they were done, they took inventory and noted a couple of items they were hoping for but didn't get.  I reminded them that though their requests go to Santa, mom and dad always have Veto Power!!  And though I love them; a MacBook air and Iphone 4 would go to Mommy and Daddy first and eventually trickle down to the kids in years to come......

Oy vey......

Afternoon brought us to our sister in laws house.  We met with the Cunningham side of the family.  It was nice to sit and chat.  Many we don't see, accept for this time of year.  Sadly, it feels like yesterday when I saw them.  (I say sadly, because the year went so fast).

Soon, Cerina sits behind the piles of presents.  All you can see is her head peaking out as she calls the names for her sons to deliver each gift.  It takes a while as there are so many.  It's almost overwhelming....  I am reminded how very generous the Cunninghams are.  At times I feel ashamed and undeserving as I open gifts that I could never embellish on myself.

The girls are giddy with delight....more pajamas...  We could have a pajama party all year long and you may never see the same pair twice!  And they are loving it!  We love being comfy/cozy in our house.  Sleep stuff (including pillows and down blankets) are our very favorite thing!!!

When the gifts are done, we amble over to the food, which is secondary to the conversation and play.  The girls are giddy playing with Uncle Scott as their E-ticket ride.  I never get tired of watching him play with them. 

Old friends come and join the party and as I look around, my heart is happy.  It's so nice to come together with people you love and appreciate.  For that, I love this time of year!

For the bills that come there after.....I do not!!!

Next to come.....gearing up for the New Year celebrations!!!!
Hugs to all....and to all a good day!!

Christmas in waves....

Second wave of Christmas is over.  2 out of 3 done.  Last night started with Christmas eve, the mom's the best friend, Chris' brother and girlfriend (can we call her a fiance yet it's been a million years) and neighbors and friends.  Dinner was AMAZING!  Surf and Turf.  Surf was Monkfish Thermador.  It's like lobster in a cream sauce - to DIE for.  And the Turf was beef tips.   Fantastic cuts of meat that are a kin to filet mignon (that's what I tell myself anyway!)

I started the night with a fun idea.  I found Fascinator (hat type hair bands) and I figured we ladies could all wear them to the dinner table.  Everyone chose one and it turned out perfect.

It was awesome having 10 people sitting at our table.  Dinner was great, but table football (turned into from the custom made by Aspen and Avery Place cards) was the best!!  It tooks us all back to being kids again.  Everyone was trying to flick the triangle into someone elses "goal".  The grandmas (my mom and Chris' mom) were unaware of this game.  Somehow during the raising of the children, they checked out. 

But it was fun to watch everyone revert!

Next we went onto the presents; or shall I saw Wave 1!  My children are nothing short of spoiled. 

 

I gave Aspen my old camera (20d) and she was giddy.  I wasn't sure she would like it, but was pleasantly surprised!  She is always assisting me so I was excited to pass it down.    Chris surprised us with matching Steelers jerseys......#88 Lynn Swann!!!  I was shocked!!! 

For all the girls I had Mommy n me aprons made. I got them a few cooking items and figured it would be the perfect addition. Each one is unique but all match.

There was so much paper flying, I didn't know what to do with myself.  Avery could barely conceal her joy as she opened each new present, gave it a quick acknowledgement and moved on to the next.  Aspen was a bit more contemplative, taking the time to thank everyone for the presents she got.

I was very thankful for everyone to to come together, but it was especially nice having Chris' brother and girlfriend over.  When they get together, they are out of control.  The play off each other and it's hard to stop laughing.

We went in the studio to snap a few pictures of Lonell with the boys. The end result was about what I expected.

  

Still, we had fun!

Once again, my attempts at adding pictures didn't turn out like I had hoped, but you get the idea!

Here is wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas!!!!

Countdown to Christmas!

Well, though the day is here tomorrow, the season is upon us in full force.  Parties abound and the hustle and bustle has been going on for weeks.  It comes down to these two days.......

Hopefully you are excited with anticipation, not sorrowful with dread.  Both happen this time of year.

I have talked to a lot of people who tell me this time of year stirs up not so happy memories.

It's amazing how memories can hold onto us like an albatross.  But are you going to let it affect you every single year?  Is there a way to create new memories?

Same with Traditions.  What is a favorite tradition?  What if that Tradition changed? 

The definition of tradition:
The transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

Customs or beliefs from generation to generation........

How deep seeded are these traditions?  Do they change who we are?  Do they help us grow?  Do they ground us to our family?

It varies from family to family.  Our tradition every year was we would have dinner at our dining room table (which remained vacant most days of the year). 

My mom has told me many times she wants to get rid of that dining room table and I have a problem with that.  It's my past. 

And though it's not a gorgeous piece of furniture, what it represents is many decades of coming together as a family.  On that rare occasion we would all sit down together. And say Grace.  And eat.   Together.

And then it was over til next year.

Now our traditions have changed.  Our family doesn't always come together.  As a matter of fact, rarely do we come together.  We are spread everywhere from here to Norway to Sacramento.  And the table we meet at isn't always the same. 

For Thanksgiving, some of us came to the table.  Some stayed in another room.  So clearly the table doesn't work anymore.  Maybe it's time to let it go.  And let my mom let go of her past and get what she wants.

Will my children feel the same way about our table?  I love when we all come together.  Our table represents good times and family and good food. 

We are moving forward with our traditions, but in a new way. 

Unfortunately, though we may try to keep things the same way....the will inevitably change.

But not all change is bad.

Merry Christmas Eve

Holiday anticipation

As we get closer to Christmas I start feeling myself breathe a small sigh of relief.  Not huge...still have a ways to go.  But getting every closer to the end of it all.  Reaping the rewards of the hard work, and hopefully pushing forward to next week, which means a sigh of relief and hopefully some serious down time.  One week out of 52...that balances out....right??   Hello????

Anyway, I'm excited to have family together.  To visit for a short time, and hopefully enjoy each others company.

To lighten the mood, I have a fun idea planned.  That helped me to diffuse a bit and get more into the holiday spirit.  All I need is participators.  I have some fun picture ideas for all the gals and I'm hoping they will find it as fun as I do.  My girls are fully on board, but they are weird like me, so no surprise there.

The holidays are a time to come together and enjoy each other. I do anticipate this tomorrow night.

Tonite we are invited to a friends house for a pre-wedding gathering.  I'm excited to meet all involved.  As I will be the photographer for the wedding, it's going to be great to see all the "players".  What better way to enjoy the season.

I hope your shopping is done.  I hope your packages are wrapped and I hope you get to enjoy this weekend with peace and joy in your hearts!
Happy Friday!

So, yesterday was kind of terrible. And the it kind of wasn't. My day started put just fine. And then a fowl mood started creeping in. And then full blown warfare. All in my head.

I realized the pressure of the season was bearing down and after yesterday's post my bah humbug moved over to forget the world.

As I started decorating the house I went to push something out of the way, and that nudged something else, and pushed over my Disney ornament tree killing one of the ornaments that can never be fixed. My heart was broken and in went upstairs in tears, overwhelmed and very angry.

My poor children internalized my actions as their fault, and I felt really bad.

I have heard it, and I know it.....kids have an innate ability to blame themselves for things that go wrong.

As my daughter had just put the ornament tree there, she was feeling badly. I had to pull my head out and go talk to her. We were both in a delicate state.

I was ready to stay in bed the rest of the day, but as the negativity would be swirling around my head and nothing would get done, I reverted back to the advice my dad gave me, "when you are feeling destructive, do something constructive".

We both went downstairs and started slowly finishing projects. And though it was no whirlwind, it was done all day at a nice pace.

And as we sat down to watch a movie together we got to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It was totally worth sucking it up.

They day may have gone south, but how we ended it was all that mattered.

Happy thursday

Bah Humbug

I'm not saying I'm a bah humbug....but I'm starting to feel that way.

We have officially exceeded our budget (on so many levels) and I'm not sure I'm done yet.  THIS is the part of the year that makes me crazy!

And I'm pretty certain it comes down to me not wanting my recipient to feel like I didn't care enough about them to get them something special!

I am literally projecting my thoughts onto another before it happens.  How do you like THAT!????

I got a gift yesterday from a member.  It was soap!  I loved it!  I was thought of and that is all that matters!  I don't care about the price; I care that someone took time enough out of their lives to put something together for me! 

And so I try to do the same for others!  But my projections are getting in the way of my budget and it needs to stop!!!

I have a friend who is super frugal and super crafty.  I totally envy her, so I try to be that way too.  Every year.  And then I realize that it is so much quicker to buy a gift and be done with it!

I have also tried making something to get it to be cheaper than buying it.  And in the end spent so much on the materials, that I exceed that budget too.

It's crazy making!  I'm not having much fun right now!

There are so many families in need and I haven't donated to any of them!  I suck!
And at this point I couldn't afford to!  I really suck!

Somehow I miss the mark every year with this holiday.  I don't think Jesus would be proud of me.

There is only one thing that I do love, and that is watching everyone else at Christmas mill about and open their gifts.  I love having everyone together.  It doesn't happen very often, and I take my time taking it all in as much as possible.

Next year I will write a mission statement for the holidays and stick to it.  I will let people know that is my mission and I will go from there.  I think if I have something to ground me that will help a lot!

Here is to hoping your Christmas week is coming together in a fruitful way!

Happy Wednesday!

Fallacies of normal

Last night I was watching a show about parenting. I heard an 18 year old girl say, "I didn't have a normal childhood. I had to grow up fast."

I was stopped in my tracks, because I wondered where the kid in the world is who had that 'normal' childhood. And I found myself wanting to interview them and ask what a normal childhood looks like. What does it smell like, sound like and feel like?

For all the people I have talked to in my life about their childhood, something was amiss.

And where did this theory of a 'normal' childhood come from?

I believe life is one thing; a series of scars and victories. Some have more scars, some have more victories. But there IS NO NORMAL!!

What we are is our normal. And how we learn to adapt is our normal.

But there is no story that we should all be living by and we are all missing the mark. We are a series of a million variables put together in an individual story that is called our life!

So, please.....let go of the notion that someone has it better than you. They simply have it different than you. We are all normal. In our own twisted little ways!

Peace Out
And happy Tuesday!

This and that

So my husband not only  slept downstairs last night, he brought all his stuff with him to get ready downstairs so I could sleep in!  What a guy!  It was so nice to wake up at 8:15 this morning and lull my way to breakfast and (fabulous) coffee!!!

Avery was already up and Aspen decided to slumber until 9:15 or so.
What a great way for my first day of vacation in a long time!!!

I have happy plans for the day, but I can't share them yet because they haven't been formed.  I just know that today will be all about fun and being together.

I have to find a Santa mailbox to take Avery to mail her letter.  She is adamant that we get this done, and to be honest, I thought it was handled yesterday.  Unfortunately, they didn't make it that far.  However, as Santa is magic, we are not too late!

Yesterday I went to see the Mission Viejo Dance's version of the Nutcracker.  It was wonderful.  Not only do I get to see a show that is visually appealing, I get to watch all of my favorite little dancers blossom before my eyes.  I know I ooze about them sometimes, but it's like they are an extension of my own kids.  I feel blessed to get to watch them grow and mature into fabulous dancers as well as caring and compassionate kids!!!

They did a fabulous job, and as usual, while taking pictures, I had to wipe my eyes a few times.  I don't know why I bother wearing makeup when I go to these things, because it usually ends up on the back of my hand!!!

After Nutcracker, I got to come home to getting ready for dinner.  Chris was making something of an asian decent.  Pork buns, noodles with beef, stir fry veggies...the house smelled yummy.

Mom and Julie came over and we (well, mostly Julie) put lights up in front of the house.  A little late, but still, it's something!  Only a week til Christmas, right???

Dinner was awesome as usual.  And it was a nice evening.  To me, this is Christmas every Sunday.  I get to have my favorite peeps a lovely dinner and some social time while relaxing. 

This week will be full of wrapping and finding presents buried long ago.  Usually I lose some and they end up resurfacing around March.  I believe one is floating around that is about 2 years old now.  Maybe some day that one will find its home.  But I'm sure by then, the necklace that is inside will be too juvenile for the child to whom it was intended.

But either way, this week will be fun.  Cuz I said so, that's why!!!

Hopefully, your week will be as joyful as it was meant to be!!!  Take time to count your blessings and enjoy every last second of it all!

Happy Monday!

The cost of a cup of Coffee

Well I'm just now sitting down with my inaugural cup of coffee, thanks to the Ingenious company "Mr. Coffee".

I started out my day, weighing in at Weight Watchers.  Always a member and still at goal after 3 years.  Yay me!

I dragged Avery along (Aspen was offered/didn't want to go) since we didn't have any milk or any cereal (see earlier posts on cereal....but only if you want to.)

I needed a few things, so we stopped at Target.  Their prices are always more palatable (pun intended) when it comes to buying many grocery items.  And, thankfully, they have a Starbucks there (cuz now, I'm starting to lag).

As I am in line to check out, I ask Avery to go get my coffee (Skinny Caramel Latte).  To which she happily obliges.  Then she comes back and asks if she can get a drink too.

Now, the ONLY reason I need a coffee, is because there was no milk at home to make a Latte, so I was willing to fork over  a few bucks for myself, because it's a need, not a want (this is what I tell myself anyway).  But looking at Avery, who's asking for another drink (and another $3-$5) I stop myself.  I don't want to waste money on a foofoo drink that she won't finish, but I don't know how to tell her NO!  And then it hits me that I needed to get another espresso machine, because mine just died.

So, I back out of line and go shopping for my espresso machine.  It's going to be the 3rd one I have.  They have been lasting about 2 years each, and at a cost of a few pennies a day times 2 years for a unit that costs $40, I'm saving myself about ($4 avg/starbucks times 2 years $2920 not including tips) TWO THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!

So, when I go back to where the Mr. Coffees are, I see they have an upgraded model, normally $80 for $60, only $20 more than my original and it his extra functions.  So I buy it!
Not only did I save myself $10 between me and Avery this morning, I saved an extra $20 on a newer and upgraded model!

So I come up and start brewing up a cup, and Chris walks in looking a little envious. Now his lips are smackin' for what I got brewin!  I throw in some sugar free caramel syrup and froth it up and add it to the coffee and hand it over to him.  He was delightfully surprised!!

Now, I'm not saying that Starbucks isn't worth it.  But I AM saying my Mr. Coffee totally IS worth it!!!

Just something to think about.

Happy Sunday!

Parental issues.....

I'm super excited for the nights events, but I gotta say, the morning requires things to get done first, and I'm finding myself sitting in my office hiding from the tension of the house below me. 

Nothing goes down easy here and it's getting a bit frustrating.

I totally see the movement from overly attentive parent to completely removed parent.  Parents get too tired to listen to the argument and it becomes much easier to walk away and hide.  (much like I'm doing now!)

I just had a conversation with my husband, and though he has good ideas, he doesn't necessarily put them in to play.....consistently.

And neither do I!

I have made some stupid mistakes with my photography business; someones picture in someone else's order.  And I realize that I'm just trying to get things done.

So to add an argument or debate with my child is the last thing I want to do. 

So.....how do you get done what needs to get done without an argument or debate????

I have one child who will begrudgingly oblige....and another who will fight me to the death.

As consistency isn't my strong point, I think I'm standing on sand here.

I'm not asking for advice, because it likely won't work, because it will require consistency which I don't have.  I am merely venting my frustrations as a parent, because I'm tired!!!

My dad used to walk around the house saying the same thing and I used to get so frustrated with him.  But now I get it on a grand scale.  Things my parents used to say come flooding forward in sheets and waves.

I wish I had understood this when I was a kid.

But I guess we aren't meant to.  We start as blanks sheets of paper and we write on and get written on as we grow.  And we don't stop, until we die.

So, with that, I will take my frustrations and sift through them, trying to figure out the best course of action with the path of least resistance and get on with my day.

OR......go to my room and hide. 

Happy Saturday!

Whats for breakfast?

I just realized that certain cereals don't satisfy me.  I had chocolate cheerios for breakfast, and I found myself wanting another bowl.  Like literally fighting myself in the kitchen to leave!!!  Same with Cinnamon Life and Corn Pops.

Not usually what we have in the house, so it is a treat.  But when it does come in, it goes out quickly, because apparently, my girls have me affliction with cereal!

I laugh when people tell me they have cereal for breakfast.  Who created it and why is it such a staple in our lives?

It doesn't really sustain you.  It just leaves you wanting more, and usually hungry within an hour.  It's "fortified" which means they threw in vitamins somewhere during the processing and are trying to pass it as  a healthy option for food.

And despite my knowledge about the stuff, I still can't control myself.  I swear the food industry must put some sort of small chemical in there that makes us dependent.

So, what are other healthy quick option for breakfast?  Not much.  You can go with a bagel, which is super high in carbs and needs a LOT of something put on top to offset all the dough you'll be eating.  You know..to help it go down easier.  As much as I love bagels, they leave a lump in my stomach that is also not satisfying.

Eggs...they have to be cooked.  What a bother.

Toast?  A smaller and lighter version of the bagel....not nearly as satisfying, and when you try to glob on the topping of choice, it makes the bread soggy and somewhat yucky.

English muffin....now there's a good option and one I don't think of very much.  My mom makes a tuna melt for dinner that is (for me) to die for.  But not a good option for breakfast.

Pancakes take too long to make, I'm usually too tired and short on time.

Which brings us back to cereal.......The simplest option.  Choosing the right one is the most important decision of the day.  I'm old now, I like Fiber One cereal.  It keeps me satisfied, and when I mix it with some "guilty pleasure" cereals, it offsets the "bad" with good!

Breakfast has always been a bit of a struggle, but across the ages, cereal has always been there.  Back in the day, the boxes would have gifts in them.  I was one of five, so it was not often that I ended up with the prize, but the box always ended up mangled from the efforts of getting the useless trinket.

It didn't matter what was inside.  The "Get" was what was important!

And though it's odd that I find my morning writing about cereal....don't you find it odd that you are still reading it?

Happy Friday!

The cost of expectations....

What are you expecting this year for Christmas? Do you have a list of 'wants' ready and waiting for Santa to pick up and deliver? Or have you left it all to chance, like a roll of the dice and whatever will be will be?

Have you ever finished opening all your gifts at Christmas and said, "Is that all there is???"

Well....if you have, it is my humble opinion that you have done Christmas wrong......

Expectations can make or break you. And finding that balance is key!

In years past, there were high hopes of this and that happening. Often to be dashed by reality smacking me in the face.

A few years ago, I turned a corner in my life. I became more interested in watching those around me revel in their gifts, while I waited to open my own.

In my opinion, and maybe it's just age, I realized I had everything I wanted. Everything else was gravy. When I got to that point, it became a great joy to open any offering that anyone had for me.

I don't like expectations. When I see a movie, I don't want to care or anticipate what the critics had to say. I would much rather let the movie unfold before me in all it's glory; good or bad, and own my own opinion.

I let this happen on my wedding day. I let my cake lady do what she wanted. Same with my flower lady. And on my wedding day, I was excited to see what gifts they gave me. And as a result, I was pleasantly surprised.

Life is a gift. In all its offerings! We should learn to enjoy what is offered us, instead of putting endless demands on others to make us happy.

I have seen much tragedy in my life. And I have to be honest...it has made me grateful for what I have!

Here's to a year of appreciating what we have, as opposed to what we don't!

Happy Thursday!

I want what I want!!!!

There are times I look at my children and want to call them Varuka Salt, from Willy Wonka!

They are full of wants (or seemingly "needs") and no desire to reciprocate.  I know I am not the only parent who feels this way!

Last night we were having a conversation, and Avery asked a question:  "How much was 99 cents back in the 50s?"

I knew exactly what she was asking.  But Chris decided to play with this question (only I didn't realize it at the time).

He asked, "Which is heavier; a pound of rocks or a pound of feathers?"  Avery couldn't answer the question properly, because she was thinking rocks are heavier.  So now, I jump in and try to get her to the right answer, asking her in different ways,:  "How many rocks might you need to make a pound?" (I told her to pick her size as it didn't matter).
She said "TWO!"  I said, "Okay....now how many feathers might you need to make a pound?"
 We got to a million.    So which is heavier? " The ROCKS!"
I loved this, because it makes me realize the limitations we all have on some level.  In the end, we explained a pound is a pound so they both weigh the same, and all was good.

Now, Chris tries to go back to the 99 cents question.  He explains 99 cents then was 99 cents now.  But you get a lot less today than you did then.

Very cute few minutes of conversation.  But what was really fun was watching her face as she tried to answer, not quite getting it all they way through.

She is totally my kid!

After dinner, we got into the need for me to cook.  Both kids have baking needs this week for school.  Avery's is an optional, while Aspens is a signed up done deal.

So, while I am negotiating with Avery on her baked "needs", I realize it is to share a Tradition in our house that is food related.

I bake a lot!  But never the same thing, and the kids don't usually help.  So where is the tradition?

I try to explain to her that we don't really have traditional foods we eat every year, but just like the rocks, she is so focused on bringing SOMETHING, she doesn't even care if it falls into a Tradition category or not!  At this point she is ready for me to sling hash on a plate just so she can bring an offering.

I do love that about her!

However, as dinner ran late and I was tired, I wasn't interested in baking anything, let alone making something up. 

As her determination got the best of her all I could hear from her (despite her words) was "I want what I want!!!!"

I told her that I want what I want too!!  And that if she expects me to do something for her, she must do something for me in return. 

So we struck a deal.  She gets to go to school with her "Faux" Tradition, and I get a cleaner house.  One room, and one negotiation at a time!

This could work!

Happy Wednesday!

crippled by indecision

Either I'm getting slower, or I'm becoming increasingly aware of how long it takes me to evaluate and make a decision.

I am not "Johnny on the Spot" so to speak.  I definitely take time to evaluate every angle.

I know this frustrates my husband, but there is nothing I can do about it.  When we get into discussions (that is what he calls them anyways), he expects answers right away and I don't work that way.

I used to think something was wrong with me (don't we all on some level), but then I was talking to a gentleman one day about how he and his wife communicate, and I realized then that my processors are just different!

He said that when he wants to discuss something with his wife, he leaves her a note (way before Iphones, mind you).  He explains what he would like to discuss later, so she can spend the day thinking about it.

I was floored.  A guy that looks at a woman, realizes they communicate differently, and applies HER mode of contemplation to his mindset so he can set up an easier conversation for her!!!!

FASCINATING!!!!!!

I started realizing then, that I really do evaluate and analyze more than others.  This makes it harder for me to "Debate".  I'm also not one of those who can "fling poo" during a heated argument.

I'm more likely to walk away.

But truthfully, as I get older, I realize much of the "stuff" to discuss isn't life or death, so it doesn't have a deadline.  So, it doesn't get a "10" in my book.

Some people speak at a "10" more often than not.  I have also realized that I tend to shut down in their presence.  Makes for fun conversation on my part!

Now, not to diss my husband, but he's my main example as I live with him day in and day out.

We have had many conversations where I have explained to him my "slow approach" when it comes to conversation.  And frankly, once the conversation has started between us, he already has a resolution in his mind, so to wait for me to come to the same conclusion is not only frustrating...it's aggravating.  And even after 16 years of being together, he still looks at me like I'm......well let's say, "Special".

He just doesn't get it.  It's all so clear to him that he can't fathom an answer taking THAT LONNNGG!!!!  And so I shut down further.

Most of the time it's not that important to me.  Whatever the conversation, I can't get my panties in a wad over it.  But sometimes it does matter.  And that is when things get interesting.

The bottom line is; we all don't process the same way.  And that is okay.  I tried to explain to Avery yesterday (who was trying to do art and felt like she failed a bit) I cannot see something in my mind and put it to paper, when it comes to drawing.  I told her that I know she was frustrated, but this art project was just a project.  And if she wasn't good at it, she had two choices; practice it over and over until she masters it....or cut your losses and move on.  She confessed that it wasn't important enough to try over and over, and so I let her know that we are the same in art.  We see it clearly in our minds, and it gets jumbled by the time it hits is medium.  And that is okay!  I told her to this day, I can draw a horses head pretty well, but never got to its legs so it has no where to run.  (I don't think she got that one though).

Anyway, appreciate your differences.  If we were all the same and all perfect, how boring life would be!

Happy Tuesday!

Holiday Crunch

So it's that time!   I went to place an order for pictures and the "flags" are coming up that to guarantee my delivery for Christmas, I will have to "up" my shipping to Fedex.  And the next flag shows that Fedex isn't guaranteeing 1 day shipping, it may take two! 

We still have almost 2 weeks to Christmas......wow!

Now is crunch time.  It's the time when you have the "Oh SNAP, I forgot this person" and you scramble to buy them something, only the things you find are out of stock, or just "not right" for them.

It's not even the 20th, and the "holiday" is starting to bear down like pressure from a mortgage payment.

It's not that I mind gifting people.  If I had millions, I would share it with the world.  I'd give my gardener the most, because he works so hard and I respect all he's done for us!

I would gift teachers a vacation each; wherever they wanted.  They work with my kids to help them grow!

I would probably not gift the mailman so much, because he keeps losing my mail.  But that's another blog.

My point is, I have no problem gifting.  For me, right now, to enjoy the season more, I would have the time to slow down and enjoy it more.  Time to craft fun things and spend time with my family.

As it is, I had to send Chris with the girls to get a tree without me, because we are never all together.  I came home from my event, and there it was....all picked out....and he didn't even take a picture of them picking it! (ouch).

I had to have an efficient friend (Julie of course) come to help us decorate it.  And as much as we talk about seeing the lights on the houses, we haven't found the time to do that either.  Literally, driving by in a car will take more time than we have right now....

Does this all sound very Christmas-y to you?

I'm enjoying the season as much as I can.  It's all just going a bit too fast for me.

Hopefully things will slow down a bit in a few days and we can breathe. 

Hopefully......

Happy Monday

Father/daughter dance

I'm sitting here, drinking bad coffee, feeling short on time for many reasons.  First of all, I'm a bit exhausted, which means Im' going to be running on slow.  The thought of putting on makeup on this Sunday morning doesn't appeal to me at all, let alone getting out of bed.....

Something needs to change.  I need more energy!

I remember the movie Monsters Inc, where "children's laughter" was the best energy.  What a cute premise for a movie. 

And though I have kids; they are smart, and are sleeping right now, so I can't tap into them!

Thankfully, today's event is all about little girls!  I get to photograph the Father Daughter holiday party for the YMCA at DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!

I'm bound to get my energy back there!  It's such a fun event.  I know many of the families there, so it's almost a bit of a reunion.  I get to see how these little girls have grown over the year, and best of all, I get to see them all dressed up like little princesses being escorted by their daddy's!!!  How cool is that???

But until I get there, it's going to be a pull for energy.  I have to take down my studio and pack it up in my car, and make sure I have everything ready to go. 

The details are what gets me. 

But it will all be worth it once I set up and see those cute little faces coming!

So, off I go, to the magic kingdom.  Wish me luck!  I may even run into Mickey or Minnie!  Who knows???

Happy Sunday!

Parade

Started the day off at the Dance studio.  The girls had the Laguna Niguel parade to attend with their team!  It was an early morning.

I offered to carpool, so I have my two and two others.  I dropped them at the drop off location near the parade, and proceeded to go to the end of the parade route so I could park, watch them walk and pick them all up at the end.

I got lost and took a wrong turn.  It took me 30 minutes to get to the end of the parade route and park.  When I finally found a parking space, I had to walk 3/4 mile to get to the location......where I found all the girls standing, because they had just finished the parade......

I packed them in the car and headed back to the studio to drop off the two extra that I had.

Totally missed that parade......

What a bummer.

Happy Saturday...

It's all how you leave it

I came home last night from work.  Thursday is my busiest day.  I work, pick up kids, deliver them to dance, and head back to work.  Then I come home and start with homework with the kids.  It's a long day every week.

Last night was compounded, because I had to make cookies for a donation I signed up for.

I walked in and Avery was a bit emotional.  She had math homework and warned me earlier that she wanted ME to help her with it.  As I walked through the door, I heard her and Chris talking (not so nicely) and remembered...oh ya...MATH!!!

Wanna know my weakest subject in the whole wide world????

MATH!!!!

As I walked through the door and heard elevated voices, I realized that Avery was already frustrated.  She is me.  When she gets frustrated, she shuts down, both emotionally and physically.  As I walk through the door, the hill just got steeper!  I'm exhausted from the day, but there is no time for me.  I have to focus on a 9 year old and make it "good"!

As I sit down to the table with her, she is near tears.  I know this feeling well.  Been there/done that most of my life!

I realize delicacy and encouragement is key!  I proceed with caution. 

As Avery is me, I do know how to approach her.  I don't always have the patience or the time, but I have the knowledge.  This is not "Dissing" my child.  I honestly wouldn't change a thing about her.  But she is a girl. And she is me....(for those who know me) "nuf said!"

Chris doesn't get this.  On ANY level!  He tries.  But it's not in his DNA to know how to handle all the emotions that come with girls.  I give him credit for giving his best.  But I gotta admit...he is way out of his league at this moment.

I sit next to Avery at the table.  I take a moment to look at the math, and figure out what she is doing.  It takes me a few minutes, but she sits quietly, waiting.  Finally, I figure it out and we sit together as I explain. 

As I'm showing her what is supposed to happen, I literally see quadrants of her brain shutting down; reasoning GONE, Understanding, GONE, Patience, GONE, Emotions....OFF THE CHARTS!!!

I have two choices at this point:  React in frustration, or comisserate with understanding!

As I look at her face, I see that she clearly and genuinely doesn't understand where I'm coming from or what this "stupid" problem is all about!!!  I see it in her eyes that something is not connecting.  She is missing a necessary component to move forward. 

I take another approach.....I ask her older sister (who still has it all fresh in her mind) how to do this math "stuff". 
Aspen explains it like this, "Avery, it's meant to help you visualize.....although I didn't really get it either!"

My jaw drops....... I'm not sure where to go from here.  We are all math challenged and we HAVE to get this done!!!

I realize it's after 9pm, and I have to start baking cookies.  Now my priorities have changed a bit.  I love my child, but I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonite, so I gotta get moving!

So, I move her into the kitchen with me as I start mixing ingredients, and we start talking math!  ( I also added piano music in the background which is an instant calmer!!!)

My shift in energy helped redirect the negative feelings.  Now it is a feeling of "C'mon, we gotta get through this!!!"

Averys mood has lightened now.  We are working together.  I'm working on my thing and she is working on hers.  But we are working together.

I help her with the next few problems and I see something is starting to click.  Then I challenge her with a "bribe" so to speak.  She succeeds in the challenge.  Then I offer her another bribe ($1 per correct answer).  Now she is encouraged, and gets another problem correct!  And another, and Another!!!  She earned enough to buy her recorder (a cheap version of a flute) for her music class. 

By the end of our math lesson, she is giddy and accomplished.  She is literally bouncing up and down with excitement.  It is now 10pm.  But neither of us care.  We are so happy that her homework is done and she is left with a feeling of capability and confidence.  Literally nothing else matters!!!

We started out on a bad note.  It could have gone very south.  But with a little patience and encouragement (and trickery and bribery), we ended the evening on a great note!!  I'm thrilled with her acheivement and hard work!  I know she has a great brain.... She just has to realize how she can tap into it! 

After tonite, I realize how capable she feels now.  It was so nice to leave the night on a great note! 
There's something to grow on there!!!

Happy Friday!

coping and comfort

A little sore this morning from Pilates.  It's kind of an oooohhh....aaahhhhhh feeling!  Hurts so good, so to speak!  In the feelings of sadness, to do something good for myself was necessary!

I also found myself baking, chatting with friends and commiserating!  I have no problem reaching out at times like this.  I think it is very important to ask for help, if you will, when feeling a bit sad.  To talk things out is to get it out of you.  The alternative is to let it fester.  I'm not a big fan of that!

So, as I passed out my baked goods yesterday and saw the happy faces that accepted, I felt a bit victorious that I turned my mood around.

So many questions come up when something bad happens.  It's never just a done deal!  When someone dies we want to know, "Who....what....when...how...where?"  Were they alone?  Did  they suffer?  Did I do enough for them when they were here?  Should I go to the service? Should I bring something?  Who can I call?  What if it were ME??????

That last question always sneaks in, I swear!!  I think it's pretty natural to turn things on ourselves,  because, when someone passes, our mortality is thrown in our faces like a huge mirror standing next to a sign that says, "You are not above this happening to you!"

When friends of mine got divorced, it really threw me for a loop!  I looked at my husband and started asking him a million questions about our own relationship.  Cuz if it could happen to them, it could happen to us!  So I want to make sure it doesn't!

Life is a never ending roller coaster ride.  Some of us are tightly strapped in, and some of us are holding on for dear life, because our safety belt is broken.  Today, I feel kind of secure in my seat.  And I'm grateful.  I have a support system that is amazing.  People really surprised me yesterday!  It warmed my heart. 

One thing I have found for sure, if you are willing to talk, people are willing to listen.  And in turn, when they need to talk, they will know who to go to!

Yesterday was a day of sadness and commiseration as well as a day of comfort and caring.

Thank you to all who reached out yesterday!  (And those who accepted my cookies!) LOL 

Happy Thursday!

In honor of my friend

Got a message last night from a co-workers son.  His mom passed.  I was very sad.  I wasn't sure what to do.  Who's gonna make the call to my co-workers?   I got the message, should it be me?  Or should I pass it to my boss?  He has way better words in this situation than I do.  He also has all the contacts.   So, I made the call.

My heart sank.  She was a lovely woman.  Frail since I met her, but determined with all get out like no other.  I worked with her for a number of weeks as she was filling for someone else, and we had the most amazing conversations.  She was quite a bit older, so she had seen things.

She wasn't shy if you asked a question.  She gave it to you like it was.  But with a grain of salt.  The message in everything she said was, "Don't take it all too seriously!"

I hear this a lot from people who are up in years.  They have wisdom that I don't, so I'm bound to listen. 

I was having lunch with another co-worker, also "Grandma aged" and I said, "I'm so blessed.  I have the BEST friends of my life and everything feels perfect!"  and her response to me was simple and to the point, "Oh,honey....this too shall pass!"

I about choked on my lunch, because my first thought was "how RUDE!"  But as I looked at her face, I knew she was right. And she wasn't trying to be rude.  There are seasons to our lives and I'm in one of them!  She's in another!  I took her wisdom and appreciated where I was right then, because I knew it was temporary! 

I spoke to my other boss this morning.  She really gets life.   She's been bruised a few times and gotten up like a champion.  She doesn't mince words and I couldn't appreciate her more.  Her message to me is the same as it always is, "Hug your kids tight, every day and love every day you have!"  Again, wisdom!

I'm so sad to say good bye to my co-worker.  But she left her mark in my life.  She made a difference on some level to me and who I am.  For that I am grateful. 

If you want to know they kind of life you want to lead, write your own Eulogy and say what you would want said about your life.  Then live it that way!

I want my Eulogy to read that I was a true and genuine person.  That I loved and was loved.  That I made a difference in peoples lives, in a good way!

I know that my co-worker led a good life and I am proud of who she was!  I send my love and prayers to her family.  And a special prayer to my co-worker and friend!  You mattered!!!

Happy Wednesday!!

Go go gadget....

I was talking to a friend last night about my schedule and asked if it appears that I'm busy all the time on facebook.  I don't really pay attention to the details of what I write, I just "Squirrel" out my thought and get on my way. 

But as I think of that conversation, I'm wondering how I have time to sit here every morning, and why I do it!?!?!

Part of it is gratification to just put some ''words to paper" every day and help me think things out. And sometimes it is to get stuff out of my system since I think wayyy toooo muchhhh.........

But as I'm gearing up for my day, I'm practically starting them with heart palpitations.  I'm working and heading from there to Avery's school to go over their holiday show routine (bring the music player) and then heading straight from there to a photo shoot (bring the camera), where I have negotiated the drop off of my daughters to dance with the woman who's kids I'm shooting.    That takes my day right up to 4:30 or so until pickup at 7 (which Chris can do) and then onto homework and dinner for the kids, which will take us to 9:30 or 10.

I know we are all busy.  I only have 2 kids.  Can't imagine having 4 or 5 for that matter.    Although, I have found those with multiple children have children who pitch in an lighten the load!  Lesson to be learned right there, baby!!!

I have tried instilling a few chores here and there, but the girls' schedules overtake their time to do chores, so we're still tweaking.  Saturday mornings seem to be that "free" time we need to do that, but honestly, who wants to run 7 days a week with a "to do" list.  Not me!  I get excited at the thought of sleeping in on a Saturday and Sunday.  Call me a kid, but I call it a guilty indulgence!  Unfortunately, sleeping in usually gets me an additional 45 minutes, because my body just wakes up!  But that is okay.  There's something about not having the alarm clock dictate your day that is appealing!!

My stuff is almost ready to go.  Now, I need to work on me!  Hair (blahhhh), and makeup.  Gotta figure out what to wear this week for work (my least favorite thing to do). 

However, it should be a good week.  We have exciting new stuff to share, so it's like an early Christmas and I'm like a little Santa Clause - ette handing out the gifts.  Definitely love new stuff!!!

If someone could take a nap for me today, I would totally appreciate it!!!  Or....bring me a coffee.....like every hour.....   :D

Happy Tuesday!

Holiday Cheer

Last night we went to the Santa Ana Country Club for their annual Christmas party.  It's a Cunningham tradition and a nice way to kick off the season.  As I stared at familiar places around the club, I realized it had been a year or so since I saw those familiar faces.  I don't know anyone else there than the family I went with, so to call these other faces "familiar" is as close as it gets.

They had caroler going around and singing any requested songs; we requested Carol of the Bells.  These three women gave me chills.  It was so nice to hear that song in a simple way.  I think it's one of my new favorite songs.

They also had people from the North Pole there.  You could point them out, because they were the most festive characters in the place.  The walked around to all the tables and children and chatted and played with them.  They were fun to just look at, let alone talk!

One elf in particular stopped over to see us.  I can't remember his name, but I'm sure it would have been forgetful.  His character was fantastic.  He engaged the most resistant child in our group.  Within minutes, we were all staring and listening to his tales of the North Pole and how santa sings Christmas songs and replaces "Santa" with "I" when he's singing them with the elves. 

The stories this little guy weaved were fascinating.  He knew all the answers to any question you would ask.  As we were the last people leaving the event (don't get excited it wasn't even 8pm), we had a hard time leaving Mr. Elf as we wanted to take him with us.

We got our pictures taken with Santa, an annual traditon.  I peaked at the girls sitting next to Santa, and their smiles were so big it made me smile!  For years, one or the other would be fearful and not quite feel safe enough to be near this man.  This year, they were nearly in his face, enjoying conversation and engaging in conversation.  I got an adorable picture of Avery in between people.   I just love her smile!

All in all we had  a good time.  It's nice to get together with family.  It seems it is not enough these days what with their schedules and all.

I really feel this event helped kick me more into the spirit of the holiday.  I have some fun things planned for today, and with a little help, I'll get them done.

Here's to making the most of every day this month and enjoying every second we can with family.

Happy Monday!

Arguments and resolutions

I spent the better part of yesterday arguing...with like EVERYONE.

No resolution was found.  And even had my own blog thrown in my face!  Good times....good times.   It's always nice to put yourself 'out there' in a vulnerable way, and have someone take the words and stockpile them to have ready for use at any given time.  Makes me so proud to know my time is well spent!

I don't argue well.  My mind doesn't work that fast.  I'm very analytical and careful about what I say, because I want what I say to mean something and hit home.  And since that rarely happens, I'm better to just keep my mouth shut.

I notice the physical toll it takes on my body, and I swear to you, my body can't handle it anymore.  Arguments for some are mere words that are thrown, but for me it is a whole body experience. 

Yesterday, my energy was so low, that when I drove my daughter to her friends house, I found myself almost swerving.  I was that drained.  I saw friends and they new something was amiss with me.  I don't hide things well.

As I have gotten older, my desire to "engage" has waned.  I used to be a pit bull, ready for fight at any time.  But the more I got bit in the butt, the more I realized I need to be more careful. 
Some arguments aren't mine.  Yet, because I am an "easy" soul, people call and talk to me when things go wrong.  Sometimes for support, sometimes for advice, sometimes for an ear.

There are times I listen and nearly have a bleeding tongue from biting it.

My mom always said, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for someday you may have to eat them".   And trust me when I say I have eaten plenty.  So I'm way more careful now.

My husband always shakes his head, because while I'm getting sucked in somewhere, he's usually holding my feet pulling me back.  Thank God for him.  I love a mans perspective.  It's usually so much drier than a woman's!!!

We woman are very tightly wound like a ball of cotton.  All the threads are tight and interwoven and you can't see where one end starts and another ends.  Thus my many "Squirrel" moments a day!  Men are more like ski slopes.  They hit it hard and fast and land it every time.  (I know a few women who think that fast and they freak me out).   I don't communicate well with those people.

So to engage in an argument is like sitting there trying to sift through each strand in the cotton ball and it takes a loooooot of effort for me.  I'm likely to cry before I give an answer.

I have finally learned this in my late 30s and early 40s.  It's not worth it to argue.

Not to say a resolution can't be found.  But sometimes it will just take a while. 

Happy Sunday

Swirling To Do list

As Christmas presents have started piling in, it is going to be crucial not to LOSE them before said date!

The Christmas cards are out for family and friends, and now it's time to move on to the next category.  Teachers and neighbors.  ALL OF THEM.......
Neighbors aren't so hard, I'll just have to coordinate a baking time (if I go that route) and make sure the cards are ready to go with them.

The teachers however, it's easy to forget some.  My kids have a large # of teachers for dance and school. 
This is also the time of year you try to remember the "little" people - the ones who aren't in your life every day, but they are significant; The front office secretary at the school; the music teacher, the crossing guard, the gardener, etc...... 

This is where I get lost......

I realized this morning it is time to start taking inventory and compiling detailed lists about who what where and when.  Many times in the past I have sent the same person two holiday cards while forgetting someone else altogether because I didn't keep an accurate list.

I'll be working on that list today. 

I know some people started a while ago, but I'm not that person!  People who stormed black Friday and consider themselves "done shopping" totally freak me out!!!!

I doubt I will ever be "that" person, but I will be the person who does her best to get by.  I don't aspire to excellence....I'm fine with mediocrity.

Happy Saturday.

Earplugs and windfactors....

Thank God for silicone earplugs.  That's all I got to say!!!

Night before last the wind was kicking up so much that Avery came in.  She is very much like me.  Not a great sleeper and gets freaked out in the middle of the night.

Aspen on the other hand.....out like a light, just like her daddy!!!

I was sleeping fine until Avery came in, and after I woke up, the sound of the wind seemed like it was right on top of us.

When these things happen, my brain refers to news casts.  I'm a visual person, so old scenes run through my head in worst case scenarios, aggravating my anxieties. 

As the wind pulled up in what seemed 100 miles per hour, I could literally see the hands of the wind ripping the roof off our house.  So I try to calm my thoughts and go back to the last time the winds kicked it up like this and our house is still standing and that is a good thing.  I go back and forth in my head with each new gust that shakes the house a bit.  And sound sleep escapes me the rest of the night......

And now I had a mini-me laying in my bed next to me, and I feel bad for what I created!

If Avery is anything like me, she has a long road ahead of her.  Only not as long as mine, hopefully!

With each new generation we become a little more aware - a little more savvy.  As I have had this anxiety for as long as I can remember, I know to keep an eye on her for the same signs.

But the one thing about my anxiety that I remember the most; is when I didn't realize I had it, I was afraid to share my thoughts with anyone.  I didn't want to "infect" them and make them live in the same hell I did.  Because if I told them how I was thinking, they would now be aware and they would be in fear too.

It was awful.  My parents had no idea.  I didn't really even know. 

I see some of the same signs in Avery.  She is hyper sensitive to certain things, just like I was.  I will most definitely be keeping an eye on her. 

It's so interesting to see exactly what is passed from generation to generation.  I see signs of both of us in our kids.  And I see signs from my mom and dad in me and my siblings.  I guess those are the roots that run deep.  My dad had anxiety, and from some of the stories my mom tells, I think my dads mom had it too.  Weird huh?  The gift that keeps on giving.....like a white elephant gift that you can't give away!!!

Hopefully with my awareness and keen ability to constantly talk to my kids (poor children, I know...) I can hopefully shed light to both my girls and save them some grief.

I know parents who don't communicate or spend time with their kids and I see a difference in who these children become.  Communication really does make a difference.  It is the best advice as a parent I have gotten.  When the kids were babies my sister said, "They are like little Rain Men - tell them exactly what to expect and follow through as you say, and they will be okay!"  (shout out to the Mo-ster).  She was right.  Letting them in on it and treating them as though you know they are there makes a big difference!!!

So, knowing the winds would kick up again last night, we gave Avery some earplugs to use as she slept.  And they worked like a charm.  And when she came into our bed, I didn't hear the doors in the house creak, because I too had earplugs in.  Only hers fell out which is why she woke up; and mine didn't.....cuz I had silicone.  Worked like a charm!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Busy and justifying it

Yesterday I had a rude awakening. I am justifying my "busy".

Busy and productive are two very different things. I can be busy all day long, but not productive.

Sometimes that is a good thing. Sometimes.......not always.....

A few years ago, I got really burned out on volunteering at my kids school. I volunteered, and I got volunteered. At the time, it didn't bother me. But eventually, it caught up with me. I started feeling the pressure, and paying the price for overextending myself. The balance tipped the scale at over-doing. So I did what any other 'burn victim' would do. I pulled back.

And unfortunately, there were victims. My kids.

I started realizing that delicate balance between, kids and others and self. But I couldn't figure out how much weight to give to each.

Last night, as I sat at dance, for two hours, I felt like I was 'wasting' time. And that is when it hit me......

I am watching my child grow, while participating in class, and I am calling this wasting time? When did my priorities get so off kilter?

This is where I should be. I should be helping out in my kids classes -if only for an hour a week, to show my presence and that I care. But because I am 'busy' (not to be mistaken for productive) I have been mislead to believe that I can't find the time. And worst of all, I justify it.

Well, it is definitely time to rebalance the scales and be present for my children. I have been missing them.

Imagine how they have been feeling!!

Happy Thursday