I came home last night from work. Thursday is my busiest day. I work, pick up kids, deliver them to dance, and head back to work. Then I come home and start with homework with the kids. It's a long day every week.
Last night was compounded, because I had to make cookies for a donation I signed up for.
I walked in and Avery was a bit emotional. She had math homework and warned me earlier that she wanted ME to help her with it. As I walked through the door, I heard her and Chris talking (not so nicely) and remembered...oh ya...MATH!!!
Wanna know my weakest subject in the whole wide world????
MATH!!!!
As I walked through the door and heard elevated voices, I realized that Avery was already frustrated. She is me. When she gets frustrated, she shuts down, both emotionally and physically. As I walk through the door, the hill just got steeper! I'm exhausted from the day, but there is no time for me. I have to focus on a 9 year old and make it "good"!
As I sit down to the table with her, she is near tears. I know this feeling well. Been there/done that most of my life!
I realize delicacy and encouragement is key! I proceed with caution.
As Avery is me, I do know how to approach her. I don't always have the patience or the time, but I have the knowledge. This is not "Dissing" my child. I honestly wouldn't change a thing about her. But she is a girl. And she is me....(for those who know me) "nuf said!"
Chris doesn't get this. On ANY level! He tries. But it's not in his DNA to know how to handle all the emotions that come with girls. I give him credit for giving his best. But I gotta admit...he is way out of his league at this moment.
I sit next to Avery at the table. I take a moment to look at the math, and figure out what she is doing. It takes me a few minutes, but she sits quietly, waiting. Finally, I figure it out and we sit together as I explain.
As I'm showing her what is supposed to happen, I literally see quadrants of her brain shutting down; reasoning GONE, Understanding, GONE, Patience, GONE, Emotions....OFF THE CHARTS!!!
I have two choices at this point: React in frustration, or comisserate with understanding!
As I look at her face, I see that she clearly and genuinely doesn't understand where I'm coming from or what this "stupid" problem is all about!!! I see it in her eyes that something is not connecting. She is missing a necessary component to move forward.
I take another approach.....I ask her older sister (who still has it all fresh in her mind) how to do this math "stuff".
Aspen explains it like this, "Avery, it's meant to help you visualize.....although I didn't really get it either!"
My jaw drops....... I'm not sure where to go from here. We are all math challenged and we HAVE to get this done!!!
I realize it's after 9pm, and I have to start baking cookies. Now my priorities have changed a bit. I love my child, but I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonite, so I gotta get moving!
So, I move her into the kitchen with me as I start mixing ingredients, and we start talking math! ( I also added piano music in the background which is an instant calmer!!!)
My shift in energy helped redirect the negative feelings. Now it is a feeling of "C'mon, we gotta get through this!!!"
Averys mood has lightened now. We are working together. I'm working on my thing and she is working on hers. But we are working together.
I help her with the next few problems and I see something is starting to click. Then I challenge her with a "bribe" so to speak. She succeeds in the challenge. Then I offer her another bribe ($1 per correct answer). Now she is encouraged, and gets another problem correct! And another, and Another!!! She earned enough to buy her recorder (a cheap version of a flute) for her music class.
By the end of our math lesson, she is giddy and accomplished. She is literally bouncing up and down with excitement. It is now 10pm. But neither of us care. We are so happy that her homework is done and she is left with a feeling of capability and confidence. Literally nothing else matters!!!
We started out on a bad note. It could have gone very south. But with a little patience and encouragement (and trickery and bribery), we ended the evening on a great note!! I'm thrilled with her acheivement and hard work! I know she has a great brain.... She just has to realize how she can tap into it!
After tonite, I realize how capable she feels now. It was so nice to leave the night on a great note!
There's something to grow on there!!!
Happy Friday!
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