Yesterday I was looking at my calendar because my Friday's are pretty crazy. Work, two pick ups; two drop offs and a photo session.
As I'm looking at my calendar, I feel that something is missing, because it doesn't look as busy as it is. And then it hits me; I need more details in there....you know...like the kids pickup times.
Now, technically, this is 'implied'. I should just know what time my child gets out of school, right?
But in my struggle to stay organized, I am realizing that every detail counts. Otherwise, I try to squeeze more in.
So, instead of my calendar looking like this:
Work
Avery dance 3:30
Aspen Dance 4:30
Photo Session 5pm
It really needs to look more like this:
Drop Avery off at 7:50
Carpool for Aspen +3
8-11 Work
11-12 Bank, Post office
12:-1 Lunch
1-2:20 Pack and prep gear for session and prepare snacks for kids
2:20 Pick up Avery Drop her at dance
3:30 Pick up Aspen and Carpool
4:30 Drop Aspen at Dance
5pm photoshoot on location
It sounds stupid, but I'm a visual person and I need to literally see it, because truth is, I HAVE forgotten to pick up my child from school.
I find over and over again that we as a people feel that things are done in a box. I used to feel that way too. But the older I get, the more creative I get and the more fascinated I am by the ingenuity of some people.
I haven't totally succeeded yet in life, but I have found a million ways NOT to do things! And, I haven't given up yet. I'm a total work in progress.
And with kids; things are ever-changing, so when you think you have something down; they go and move it around on you! There is no constant.
So I guess it is time to go in and tweak my calendar to I can add my little micro additions to make sure I don't forget a kid at school or leave them at dance over the weekend.
I have said it before; having kids is not for the selfish. I already have almost 2,000 miles on my car, and only about 20% of those are mine! I'm making a hefty monthly payment for a glorified taxi! (Although my kids do look a little better getting out of a car with style!)
I'm always looking for ways to improve. I envy those who are on top of it; and surprisingly, it's usually people who have a gaggle more kids than I do! Maybe I should have had a few more to keep me on track.
But for now, I gots what I got and I'll deal as best I can!
But.....I'm always open for suggestions!
Happy Friday!!!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
squiggles
I am very excited for this upcoming year.
In the last week, I have been to a few meetings that have me thinking.
Last week I was at the Queen Mary for a photography seminar. I got some great ideas for creative photo projects, but also learned more about planning and organizing.
The other day, I saw a post about success. What people think it looks like (a straight line to the top) and what it really looks like I (the same line shooting to the top, only knotted up with a bunch of squiggles, indicating a much longer journey than intended).
I am a visual person. This resonated with me.
I say it all the time. Persistence wears resistance. But I like seeing it better!
Only the hardest working and most determined get to the top.
As I am putting together my schedule for the year, I am really excited. Lots of work, but I realized I need to start planning a lot earlier than I thought.
I am always behind (or lost) a bit and it is very frustrating. But as I have said before, I never give up trying.
This weekend I get to do a bit photo shoot, and I have been working on the preparation of that. At firt I was a bit nervous, because it feels like a big project. But the more I prepare for it, the more confident I feel about it going off without a hitch.
I also have a destination wedding that I cannot wait for! I am going to Puerto Vallarta! I am so tickled I don't know what to do with myself.
With all this anticipation I have many things set in place to keep me on target. I have a lot of work to do this year to make that happen.
I will get to the top of it all. No matter how many squiggles I have to encounter! Determination is the most important key to any success!
I am feeling very confident! And for the first time in a long time, I am not standing at the base of the mountain looking up, overwhelmed; I am actually looking forward to the climb.
Happy Thursday
In the last week, I have been to a few meetings that have me thinking.
Last week I was at the Queen Mary for a photography seminar. I got some great ideas for creative photo projects, but also learned more about planning and organizing.
The other day, I saw a post about success. What people think it looks like (a straight line to the top) and what it really looks like I (the same line shooting to the top, only knotted up with a bunch of squiggles, indicating a much longer journey than intended).
I am a visual person. This resonated with me.
I say it all the time. Persistence wears resistance. But I like seeing it better!
Only the hardest working and most determined get to the top.
As I am putting together my schedule for the year, I am really excited. Lots of work, but I realized I need to start planning a lot earlier than I thought.
I am always behind (or lost) a bit and it is very frustrating. But as I have said before, I never give up trying.
This weekend I get to do a bit photo shoot, and I have been working on the preparation of that. At firt I was a bit nervous, because it feels like a big project. But the more I prepare for it, the more confident I feel about it going off without a hitch.
I also have a destination wedding that I cannot wait for! I am going to Puerto Vallarta! I am so tickled I don't know what to do with myself.
With all this anticipation I have many things set in place to keep me on target. I have a lot of work to do this year to make that happen.
I will get to the top of it all. No matter how many squiggles I have to encounter! Determination is the most important key to any success!
I am feeling very confident! And for the first time in a long time, I am not standing at the base of the mountain looking up, overwhelmed; I am actually looking forward to the climb.
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Haters Group
For the last two Thursdays I subbed for a leader who was on vacation. I have subbed before, it's usually fun, and people are usually pretty accepting.
Usually.
Last Tuesday I went in to Sub and as we were weighing people in I could tell that some people were disappointed. If nothing else, that is a huge compliment to the leader who regularly leads that group. They are attached and want to hear her. Not some "unwelcomed intruder" they didn't expect.
Some left; surprisingly, most stayed.
But one person in particular, who was weighing in the booth right next to me said, "Oh...she's not HERE?......ARGHHHHHHHHH" (edited for politeness). To which the receptionist pointed to me and said, "Cathy will be here tonite!" (not awkward at all.....)
I looked over at the girl and gave her a BIG smile and said, "HI!"
Clearly, this will be a tough crowd.
I went up and saw the group before me. (Did I ever tell you I read body language?) I knew I was in trouble. People sat with folded arms, seemingly glaring at me, waiting for what I had to say. I could tell the pressure was on. These people loved their leader, and I was not it!
So, I put on my proverbial tap shoes and started a song and dance for 30 minutes and pulled off the best meeting I could! I started my meeting with a very exaggerated tone, "Youuu guysss are sooooooo disappointed right now!!!!!!"
I got a few chuckles and was off. I chiseled my way through and left that meeting. I dubbed it "The Haters Group"
Last night when I went back, I knew I was up for another song and dance. And to my surprise a couple of the members came up to me and blew my socks off. They were glad for the new perspective.
One lady told me that I was in her head all week, and by Saturday she said out loud to herself, "Screw HER!" (meaning me and what I had to say). And yes, she told me this to my face. Her name was Barbie. I'm not kidding.
I loved Barbie. I got in her head! That makes me happy. Because if you have been doing this for a while, to penetrate someones thoughts is a really good thing. Especially if it helps them grow!
Then, Danielle came in. AKA Miss ARGGGHHHHHHHH....... What I said to her last week helped her reach another milestone of 70.4 lbs. And her friend who sat next to her said that she heard my message about Input=Output and she tracked all week and lost 2lbs!
I made a difference to the Haters group. I feel pretty good about myself. But I'm even more proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and letting me in. They could have walked out, or just ignored what I had to say. But they opened their minds and accepted my very different approach from their own beloved leader.
The messages are always out there. But are you always willing to listen?
Happy Wednesday!
Usually.
Last Tuesday I went in to Sub and as we were weighing people in I could tell that some people were disappointed. If nothing else, that is a huge compliment to the leader who regularly leads that group. They are attached and want to hear her. Not some "unwelcomed intruder" they didn't expect.
Some left; surprisingly, most stayed.
But one person in particular, who was weighing in the booth right next to me said, "Oh...she's not HERE?......ARGHHHHHHHHH" (edited for politeness). To which the receptionist pointed to me and said, "Cathy will be here tonite!" (not awkward at all.....)
I looked over at the girl and gave her a BIG smile and said, "HI!"
Clearly, this will be a tough crowd.
I went up and saw the group before me. (Did I ever tell you I read body language?) I knew I was in trouble. People sat with folded arms, seemingly glaring at me, waiting for what I had to say. I could tell the pressure was on. These people loved their leader, and I was not it!
So, I put on my proverbial tap shoes and started a song and dance for 30 minutes and pulled off the best meeting I could! I started my meeting with a very exaggerated tone, "Youuu guysss are sooooooo disappointed right now!!!!!!"
I got a few chuckles and was off. I chiseled my way through and left that meeting. I dubbed it "The Haters Group"
Last night when I went back, I knew I was up for another song and dance. And to my surprise a couple of the members came up to me and blew my socks off. They were glad for the new perspective.
One lady told me that I was in her head all week, and by Saturday she said out loud to herself, "Screw HER!" (meaning me and what I had to say). And yes, she told me this to my face. Her name was Barbie. I'm not kidding.
I loved Barbie. I got in her head! That makes me happy. Because if you have been doing this for a while, to penetrate someones thoughts is a really good thing. Especially if it helps them grow!
Then, Danielle came in. AKA Miss ARGGGHHHHHHHH....... What I said to her last week helped her reach another milestone of 70.4 lbs. And her friend who sat next to her said that she heard my message about Input=Output and she tracked all week and lost 2lbs!
I made a difference to the Haters group. I feel pretty good about myself. But I'm even more proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and letting me in. They could have walked out, or just ignored what I had to say. But they opened their minds and accepted my very different approach from their own beloved leader.
The messages are always out there. But are you always willing to listen?
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Pockets of time
It's amazing how much you get done when you focus.
Having lost a few days, I gathered up my lists of stuff and buckled down to work.
When I woke up yesterday, I felt pretty okay. I was still a little loopy, but not too bad. I had to carpool 5 kids and was feeling confident. Especially compared to the days before.
I got up, made coffee, got ready, and loaded into my car. As I drove down the street it was a little tricky focusing. By the time I dropped off all the kids safely and got home, I realized I probably should have gotten a sub for the day. I arranged for it at pickup just to be safe.
I'm believing some of the issue is sinus, so I made some water with lemon and cucumber and green tea, and I drank about a gallon before lunch time. As the day progressed, I definitely started feeling a difference.
As I sat down to my desk, all the things I had to leave for the past few days sat in piles, waiting to be addressed. Paranoia set in a bit, as I realized I'm pretty behind on a few items.
I'm shocked at how focused and efficient I was. By the end of the school day (kids schedule), I had uploaded two weddings, finished a wedding DVD presentation, written checks necessary for my job, issued my weekly newsletter, arranged final details on a weekend photos session, and answered various emails.
Why can't I be like this more often? Do I have to be laid out for 3 days to have a fire lit under my hiney so I can get things done quickly?
Last week, for my meetings, the topic was about maximizing your minutes. Literally taking pockets of time (10 minutes here and there) and making them productive minutes. Squeezing effort into every minute of your day.
Well, I think I work in reverse. I find pockets of time where I should be doing something, and I spend it minimizing the minutes. It's ridiculous. As if I have all the time in the world!
I remember years ago, my dad told me, "Money wasted can be regained....time wasted is lost forever".
There are days I totally feel the weight of that saying! I'm thinking if I felt it more often, I'd be rich!
Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like I "Just need a minute"....all.....day.....long.......
Ever feel that way?
In our high stress world (and especially with kids dictating a large portion of our lives) I think it is natural, almost self-preserving, to look for pockets of mindless time. We are always heading somewhere, doing something or planning something. Mindless time is almost a gift.
So while I will revel in my recent efficiency; I'm sure I won't make a habit of it. Though if I did....like I said, I'm sure I would be rich!!!
Happy Tuesday!
Having lost a few days, I gathered up my lists of stuff and buckled down to work.
When I woke up yesterday, I felt pretty okay. I was still a little loopy, but not too bad. I had to carpool 5 kids and was feeling confident. Especially compared to the days before.
I got up, made coffee, got ready, and loaded into my car. As I drove down the street it was a little tricky focusing. By the time I dropped off all the kids safely and got home, I realized I probably should have gotten a sub for the day. I arranged for it at pickup just to be safe.
I'm believing some of the issue is sinus, so I made some water with lemon and cucumber and green tea, and I drank about a gallon before lunch time. As the day progressed, I definitely started feeling a difference.
As I sat down to my desk, all the things I had to leave for the past few days sat in piles, waiting to be addressed. Paranoia set in a bit, as I realized I'm pretty behind on a few items.
I'm shocked at how focused and efficient I was. By the end of the school day (kids schedule), I had uploaded two weddings, finished a wedding DVD presentation, written checks necessary for my job, issued my weekly newsletter, arranged final details on a weekend photos session, and answered various emails.
Why can't I be like this more often? Do I have to be laid out for 3 days to have a fire lit under my hiney so I can get things done quickly?
Last week, for my meetings, the topic was about maximizing your minutes. Literally taking pockets of time (10 minutes here and there) and making them productive minutes. Squeezing effort into every minute of your day.
Well, I think I work in reverse. I find pockets of time where I should be doing something, and I spend it minimizing the minutes. It's ridiculous. As if I have all the time in the world!
I remember years ago, my dad told me, "Money wasted can be regained....time wasted is lost forever".
There are days I totally feel the weight of that saying! I'm thinking if I felt it more often, I'd be rich!
Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like I "Just need a minute"....all.....day.....long.......
Ever feel that way?
In our high stress world (and especially with kids dictating a large portion of our lives) I think it is natural, almost self-preserving, to look for pockets of mindless time. We are always heading somewhere, doing something or planning something. Mindless time is almost a gift.
So while I will revel in my recent efficiency; I'm sure I won't make a habit of it. Though if I did....like I said, I'm sure I would be rich!!!
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Houston we've landed
My mom told me a story about how my grandma and grandpa flew from Pittsburgh to California to visit when we were younger. If you know people from Pittsburgh...well, at least my family; they don't make the trip much at all....ever!
On the flight grandma was quiet the whole way, and as soon as the flight touched down in California, grandma let out with a "Thanks be to God!"
Every time my mom tells that story, we bust up laughing, because from what I remember, my grandma was a small quiet lady, with an Irish accent. Not a whole lot to be said, but lets just say when I see Maureen O'hara, I think of Grandma!
Well, this morning I woke up, stood up...and didn't walk into any walls..... So in the footsteps of my grandma I say, "Thanks be to God!"
Now, I'm still a little wobbly, but nothing like Friday night. I had to hold on to someones shoulder to guide me. I remember feeling it was the worst hangover ever, and I didn't even have the fun of the drink!
Though the doctor said I was the second vertigo of the day and he was certain it was a virus; I just wanted it to be gone. It came on so fast, and in one fell swoop; wiped out my weekends events.
I was really scared and crying on Friday, because being so helpless and relying on others is a horrible thing to ask.
But a great thing to have!!!
I had planned a sleepover with Aspen and hoped to go see a movie with her and her friend, while Avery and I sat elsewhere in the theater for a girls night.
Chris took them all for pizza and brought them home for a movie, while Julie picked me up to take me to urgent care and sat with me through the whole thing.
Saturday, I was supposed to go to a 70th bday for Chris' dad and step mom, and Chris' brothers 42nd bday and step sis' bday celebration. I haven't seen my brother in law in over a year.
Chris picked up my mom and his mom and took everyone to the party, while I was in bed, sleeping.
Sunday, I had friends coming over to help me clean out the garage to set up my studio.
I spent the day in bed watching GLEE with my girls
Sunday night was a dance team meeting;
Chris made dinner for us and then went in my stead.
Though I wouldn't wish illness on anyone, I have said it before. I'm grateful that, though I was down and out, I had many people to help me through this.
My dad had vertigo. My mom swears it was because he was smacked around by his parents to much as a child (not sure if she is joking on this one, but I suspect she is not).
I remember hearing the term, and not knowing what it was. NOW....I know! I had it a year ago on Aspen's 10th bday. She had 10 of her closest friends here, and I was out front with the cops telling them not to let the ambulance come, I was fine (I made the mistake of calling 911 cuz I thought I was having a stroke!). There is something very eery about having all your faculties one second and then losing your balance for no reason the next!!!
There is no cure for vertigo, and no prediction of when it will occur. It is an inner ear disturbance that will rock your world. Literally!!!
I'm thankful that it is subsiding. But I'm more thankful for the support and well wishes of all the awesome people in my life!!!
Thank you for letting me be a whiney baby!! I will return the favor, I promise!
Happy Monday!
On the flight grandma was quiet the whole way, and as soon as the flight touched down in California, grandma let out with a "Thanks be to God!"
Every time my mom tells that story, we bust up laughing, because from what I remember, my grandma was a small quiet lady, with an Irish accent. Not a whole lot to be said, but lets just say when I see Maureen O'hara, I think of Grandma!
Well, this morning I woke up, stood up...and didn't walk into any walls..... So in the footsteps of my grandma I say, "Thanks be to God!"
Now, I'm still a little wobbly, but nothing like Friday night. I had to hold on to someones shoulder to guide me. I remember feeling it was the worst hangover ever, and I didn't even have the fun of the drink!
Though the doctor said I was the second vertigo of the day and he was certain it was a virus; I just wanted it to be gone. It came on so fast, and in one fell swoop; wiped out my weekends events.
I was really scared and crying on Friday, because being so helpless and relying on others is a horrible thing to ask.
But a great thing to have!!!
I had planned a sleepover with Aspen and hoped to go see a movie with her and her friend, while Avery and I sat elsewhere in the theater for a girls night.
Chris took them all for pizza and brought them home for a movie, while Julie picked me up to take me to urgent care and sat with me through the whole thing.
Saturday, I was supposed to go to a 70th bday for Chris' dad and step mom, and Chris' brothers 42nd bday and step sis' bday celebration. I haven't seen my brother in law in over a year.
Chris picked up my mom and his mom and took everyone to the party, while I was in bed, sleeping.
Sunday, I had friends coming over to help me clean out the garage to set up my studio.
I spent the day in bed watching GLEE with my girls
Sunday night was a dance team meeting;
Chris made dinner for us and then went in my stead.
Though I wouldn't wish illness on anyone, I have said it before. I'm grateful that, though I was down and out, I had many people to help me through this.
My dad had vertigo. My mom swears it was because he was smacked around by his parents to much as a child (not sure if she is joking on this one, but I suspect she is not).
I remember hearing the term, and not knowing what it was. NOW....I know! I had it a year ago on Aspen's 10th bday. She had 10 of her closest friends here, and I was out front with the cops telling them not to let the ambulance come, I was fine (I made the mistake of calling 911 cuz I thought I was having a stroke!). There is something very eery about having all your faculties one second and then losing your balance for no reason the next!!!
There is no cure for vertigo, and no prediction of when it will occur. It is an inner ear disturbance that will rock your world. Literally!!!
I'm thankful that it is subsiding. But I'm more thankful for the support and well wishes of all the awesome people in my life!!!
Thank you for letting me be a whiney baby!! I will return the favor, I promise!
Happy Monday!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Vertigo
Vertigo. Can you say HELL?
For those who don't know what it is, it means my inner ear is having issues and my ability to balance is gone. Like walking on a small boat that is going high speed through choppy waters, and you are trying to walk that boat. It is not easy.
I am lying in bed, hardly able to move without the world spinning around me. If I didn't know how to type by touch, you wouldn't be hearing from me today.
yesterday I was fine. I worked and had a work meeting after that drove home went upstairs and as soon as I bent over, I started getting this woozy sensation. And it all went downhill from there. I have no equilibrium right now and am staying in bed as much as possible. It is even hard to focus, so to stay awake even seems a waste to me.
It feels like trying to walk while the teacups are going at Disneyland....every time I move my head. Turning from left to right, even turning over in my bed.
It is the worst drunk feeling I have ever felt.
I went to urgent care last night and got some medicine, but from what I can gather, it is just putting me to sleep.
So, as I just took my medicine and I cant even see what I am writing anyways, I will sign off.
Enjoy the fact that you can walk a straight line. I cant even stay straight in bed!
Happy saturday
For those who don't know what it is, it means my inner ear is having issues and my ability to balance is gone. Like walking on a small boat that is going high speed through choppy waters, and you are trying to walk that boat. It is not easy.
I am lying in bed, hardly able to move without the world spinning around me. If I didn't know how to type by touch, you wouldn't be hearing from me today.
yesterday I was fine. I worked and had a work meeting after that drove home went upstairs and as soon as I bent over, I started getting this woozy sensation. And it all went downhill from there. I have no equilibrium right now and am staying in bed as much as possible. It is even hard to focus, so to stay awake even seems a waste to me.
It feels like trying to walk while the teacups are going at Disneyland....every time I move my head. Turning from left to right, even turning over in my bed.
It is the worst drunk feeling I have ever felt.
I went to urgent care last night and got some medicine, but from what I can gather, it is just putting me to sleep.
So, as I just took my medicine and I cant even see what I am writing anyways, I will sign off.
Enjoy the fact that you can walk a straight line. I cant even stay straight in bed!
Happy saturday
Friday, September 23, 2011
Let the drama begin
So, it is the first few weeks of middle school. I am keeping close tabs on my child; asking her every day, "How'd your day go? Anyone mean to you? Anything shocking happen? What was the best part of your day?"......
I am happy to report; so far so good. With the minor mishaps of a snotty kid making fun of my childs (lack of) height, she is having very little issues and is even making new friends.
She came home one day and told me that she met someone new. I said, "Oh, how'd you meet?" She said, "We were standing in line at the library, waiting for books." I said, "Oh! Who spoke first?" She said, "I did! I said "Hi, My name is Aspen"". I was so very proud of her. She is not being shy or insecure. She has actually shown signs of confidence which have blown me away.
On her way home one day, one of the girls (not an immediate friend AND someone who was older) threw a sticker on the ground and kept walking. Aspen picked it up, and called her a litterer and stuck it on the girls forehead! I about fell over!!! I was so impressed I offered her a dollar for her good citizenship!
As I talk to other mom's I am hearing stories. I'm saddened by some who are feeling a little lost. I so expected that to be my child as she was so nervous the first day of school.
One of the girls is feeling a little disconnected from her friends and very concerned that she is alone. My heart is broken. This child is a bright and shining star on so many levels. But I know exactly how she feels.
When you are in elementary school, you are a fish in a pond. You know everyone, because they have all been together since kindergarten. But when you go to middle school, your pond is dumped into a larger lake. And other ponds have joined. And now, your world is turned upside down. All that you knew is gone and you have to start all over. You look at faces that are unfamiliar to you and fear starts to creep in. You feel self conscious, put your head down out of fear; but as people don't know you, they can only take this as being shut out from you; unable to get to know you. This makes you vulnerable, and puts you in a position to be judged. And so you are judged........
People judge out of ignorance. They don't know better, and are usually not smart enough to ask. Or they don't have time, or just don't care!
I have found myself so many times wanting to judge. But I have learned more times over than I care to count, that my judgements are usually unfounded and sometimes harsh. And sometimes, I have had to eat my words and that is a terrible place to be. So more often than not, I literally say out loud to myself, "Judge not lest ye be judged".
But middle schoolers are not that wise! They haven't had words bite them in the butt yet, and they aren't usually smart enough to research, so they cast their judgements without care, spread their rumors, and become cancers in society!!!
I so badly want to have a seminar for middleschoolers on insecurities and getting through it all. It's a horrible time for so many, and it breaks my heart! Not to mention the mix of hormones.....God help us all!!!
As a first time middle schooler mom, I am not 100% sure what I'm in for in the years to come. But I do remember my volatile childhood. My insecurity and how I turned myself inward instead of looking to my friends and family to help me through. Thinking you are alone in the world is the worst place to be.
Did you ever feel like you were the inventor of your feelings and that no one in the history of the world has any idea how you feel?
We've all been there!! On one level or another, we have put ourselves through torture! But it isn't necessary!
I will be talking to these kids until I'm blue in the face. I won't give up on trying to help them through. Life doesn't get any easier and adolescence is probably the hardest time for kids, because they don't know how to make sense of everything.
The best piece of advice I have ever gotten as a parent: Just keep talking to them! Whether they want it or not.
I intend to follow that advice til the end!
Happy Friday!
I am happy to report; so far so good. With the minor mishaps of a snotty kid making fun of my childs (lack of) height, she is having very little issues and is even making new friends.
She came home one day and told me that she met someone new. I said, "Oh, how'd you meet?" She said, "We were standing in line at the library, waiting for books." I said, "Oh! Who spoke first?" She said, "I did! I said "Hi, My name is Aspen"". I was so very proud of her. She is not being shy or insecure. She has actually shown signs of confidence which have blown me away.
On her way home one day, one of the girls (not an immediate friend AND someone who was older) threw a sticker on the ground and kept walking. Aspen picked it up, and called her a litterer and stuck it on the girls forehead! I about fell over!!! I was so impressed I offered her a dollar for her good citizenship!
As I talk to other mom's I am hearing stories. I'm saddened by some who are feeling a little lost. I so expected that to be my child as she was so nervous the first day of school.
One of the girls is feeling a little disconnected from her friends and very concerned that she is alone. My heart is broken. This child is a bright and shining star on so many levels. But I know exactly how she feels.
When you are in elementary school, you are a fish in a pond. You know everyone, because they have all been together since kindergarten. But when you go to middle school, your pond is dumped into a larger lake. And other ponds have joined. And now, your world is turned upside down. All that you knew is gone and you have to start all over. You look at faces that are unfamiliar to you and fear starts to creep in. You feel self conscious, put your head down out of fear; but as people don't know you, they can only take this as being shut out from you; unable to get to know you. This makes you vulnerable, and puts you in a position to be judged. And so you are judged........
People judge out of ignorance. They don't know better, and are usually not smart enough to ask. Or they don't have time, or just don't care!
I have found myself so many times wanting to judge. But I have learned more times over than I care to count, that my judgements are usually unfounded and sometimes harsh. And sometimes, I have had to eat my words and that is a terrible place to be. So more often than not, I literally say out loud to myself, "Judge not lest ye be judged".
But middle schoolers are not that wise! They haven't had words bite them in the butt yet, and they aren't usually smart enough to research, so they cast their judgements without care, spread their rumors, and become cancers in society!!!
I so badly want to have a seminar for middleschoolers on insecurities and getting through it all. It's a horrible time for so many, and it breaks my heart! Not to mention the mix of hormones.....God help us all!!!
As a first time middle schooler mom, I am not 100% sure what I'm in for in the years to come. But I do remember my volatile childhood. My insecurity and how I turned myself inward instead of looking to my friends and family to help me through. Thinking you are alone in the world is the worst place to be.
Did you ever feel like you were the inventor of your feelings and that no one in the history of the world has any idea how you feel?
We've all been there!! On one level or another, we have put ourselves through torture! But it isn't necessary!
I will be talking to these kids until I'm blue in the face. I won't give up on trying to help them through. Life doesn't get any easier and adolescence is probably the hardest time for kids, because they don't know how to make sense of everything.
The best piece of advice I have ever gotten as a parent: Just keep talking to them! Whether they want it or not.
I intend to follow that advice til the end!
Happy Friday!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Queen Mary
I got to go to the Queen Mary last night for a seminar. To me, it was such a great opportunity. There is something so magical about that ship.
As I drove up; the enormity of the ship is overwhelming. And for some reason I think of the Titanic, and that is was probably even bigger than this majestic vessel.
As we walked in, the smell of history hit my senses. I can't imagine how many people have pass through the halls and decks, but I like to imagine.
I know there is history and reported hauntings on this ship, and I won't deny that I am always hopeful to see or hear something.
This is the second time I have been there for a seminar, and usually something weird happens with the sound or the lights. Last night as I was walking in the hallway toward the bathroom, one of the lights flickered. And when we went back to our seats (all of a few minutes later) everyone was really cold. I had to put on my jacket.
Is it paranormal? Or just my ability to micro interpret every event? Who knows? Am I curious to hear and see something? Youbetcha! I do my best to escape the crowds and look for empty hallways to walk to see if something fun happens. Last night, Julie and I walked into the storage area where they had tables and chairs stored for events. Julie even opened a dark closet just to see what we could find. We walked by the pool and tried to get in, because that is a haunted hot spot! (Yes, I have done my homework).
On our way home, Julie was reading more about the ship and she stopped herself at the word
"Morgue". She didn't know it had a morgue. But the reality is; if you are a million miles from land and someone unexpectedly dies, you have to be prepared. This is a WWII ship. People did die. A number of times. Which is what intrigues me.
Some call it creepy, I call it thrilling. As we are just over a month away from my favorite holiday, my senses are reeling with excitement. Goblins and ghouls will be waiting around all corners for the next 6 weeks, and I will get excited every time I see one!
So, while on this ship, I am at high alert. And now, planning a trip back for a real tour.
And keep in mind; though my greatest wish when one dies is to find peace and go on to the next life....I don't mind chatting or visiting with the ones who have stayed.....
Happy Thursday.
As I drove up; the enormity of the ship is overwhelming. And for some reason I think of the Titanic, and that is was probably even bigger than this majestic vessel.
As we walked in, the smell of history hit my senses. I can't imagine how many people have pass through the halls and decks, but I like to imagine.
I know there is history and reported hauntings on this ship, and I won't deny that I am always hopeful to see or hear something.
This is the second time I have been there for a seminar, and usually something weird happens with the sound or the lights. Last night as I was walking in the hallway toward the bathroom, one of the lights flickered. And when we went back to our seats (all of a few minutes later) everyone was really cold. I had to put on my jacket.
Is it paranormal? Or just my ability to micro interpret every event? Who knows? Am I curious to hear and see something? Youbetcha! I do my best to escape the crowds and look for empty hallways to walk to see if something fun happens. Last night, Julie and I walked into the storage area where they had tables and chairs stored for events. Julie even opened a dark closet just to see what we could find. We walked by the pool and tried to get in, because that is a haunted hot spot! (Yes, I have done my homework).
On our way home, Julie was reading more about the ship and she stopped herself at the word
"Morgue". She didn't know it had a morgue. But the reality is; if you are a million miles from land and someone unexpectedly dies, you have to be prepared. This is a WWII ship. People did die. A number of times. Which is what intrigues me.
Some call it creepy, I call it thrilling. As we are just over a month away from my favorite holiday, my senses are reeling with excitement. Goblins and ghouls will be waiting around all corners for the next 6 weeks, and I will get excited every time I see one!
So, while on this ship, I am at high alert. And now, planning a trip back for a real tour.
And keep in mind; though my greatest wish when one dies is to find peace and go on to the next life....I don't mind chatting or visiting with the ones who have stayed.....
Happy Thursday.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Braces
Today is a big day for Aspen. She is getting her braces off this morning. It's going to be really weird seeing her slimy teeth. Last time I saw them, they were all snaggled together.
My hope is this would be the last of the braces. But I have been assured by my friend that they will guarantee a phase two. Lucky us!
I was fortunate to not have braces. BUT, I did have issues with my teeth. One of them wouldn't come in, so they had to remove it. Surgically. In a hospital. And I remember the pain!! AND....I still have a baby tooth in my mouth.
So, I didn't get off Scott free (where did that term ever come from?)
I also, had to wear glasses, because my vision was terrible. But, thanks to Lasik, I have 20/20.
It amazes me all that can be done nowadays. Back when my sister was younger, they pulled 10 teeth from her tiny little head. TEN!
It doesn't seem like teeth would be a science, but when Avery came in to see the Ortho, he was adamant that she should have started her treatment a year earlier because of her "issue". Then he told me "Research has found......." Something unnerving about that sentence when it is in reference to one of your children!!!
It will be exciting to see Aspen without her braces. I may go take her for a treat afterwards. One of the Ortho offices (not ours) gives the kids a huge caramel apple stuck with bunches of candy on it as the "yay" award!
Having kids is not for wimpy or selfish people. But it is kind of fun to see the fruits of your labor on their happy little faces.
Not sure how long Avery has to go. Her teeth look beautifully lined and ready to go.
Hopefully, they will wear their retainers and solidify all the money we spent.
.....ya....hopefully!
Happy Wednesday
My hope is this would be the last of the braces. But I have been assured by my friend that they will guarantee a phase two. Lucky us!
I was fortunate to not have braces. BUT, I did have issues with my teeth. One of them wouldn't come in, so they had to remove it. Surgically. In a hospital. And I remember the pain!! AND....I still have a baby tooth in my mouth.
So, I didn't get off Scott free (where did that term ever come from?)
I also, had to wear glasses, because my vision was terrible. But, thanks to Lasik, I have 20/20.
It amazes me all that can be done nowadays. Back when my sister was younger, they pulled 10 teeth from her tiny little head. TEN!
It doesn't seem like teeth would be a science, but when Avery came in to see the Ortho, he was adamant that she should have started her treatment a year earlier because of her "issue". Then he told me "Research has found......." Something unnerving about that sentence when it is in reference to one of your children!!!
It will be exciting to see Aspen without her braces. I may go take her for a treat afterwards. One of the Ortho offices (not ours) gives the kids a huge caramel apple stuck with bunches of candy on it as the "yay" award!
Having kids is not for wimpy or selfish people. But it is kind of fun to see the fruits of your labor on their happy little faces.
Not sure how long Avery has to go. Her teeth look beautifully lined and ready to go.
Hopefully, they will wear their retainers and solidify all the money we spent.
.....ya....hopefully!
Happy Wednesday
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
ZAP what???
Yesterday, Aspen came home with a paper that explained a program at their school. ZAP. It means zeros are prohibited. The idea for this program is that kids who don't do their homework, will be forced to stay after school, for an hour, to complete their assignments.
GREAT!!!.....in theory.....
I know where they are going with this program, but what confuses me is (there is no warning) what do you do if you are in a carpool with other kids and you just don't show up? Or...what if you are involved in an extracurricular sport which is equally strict and doesn't approve absenses.
What if the child has a doctors appointment right after school?
It says if the child doesn't show, up; they will receive a consequence.
I believe that the consequence falls on everyone.
My weekly schedule is organized down to the minutes! Today, for example, I have to go to work, get off in time to pick up the kids deliver them to their dance studio and will have just enough time to get to my night meeting.
If they decided to keep my child for an hour, who's consequence is it???
The schools are working very hard to make sure their scores are high. This is good. That means they are really working with the students to make things happen.
However, some policies just aren't perfect no matter how you try to look at them.
Now, I am new to this middle school thing, and I could be reading the program wrong. But it is all like learning a new language. And though I don't anticipate my child being one that will have to stay after school, I do know her plate is pretty full this year, and it is entirely possible, so I need to think it all through.
I honestly thought that with Aspen dancing between 10 and 12 hours a week, she would qualify for independent P.E. But they don't go based on hours. You have to have an even more rigorous schedule than what they even offer at school. It is kind of ridiculous. She goes from P.E. in her last period straight to 3 hours of dance on Tuesdays and Thursdays. HOMEWORK, you ask??? Well, that is after she gets home and after dinner.
That would be a nice hour to have with her doing her homework at school if she got approved for independent PE, but apparently, the school looks at things differently. They must be right....right???
We will do our best to get everything done this year. We will have to be master planners and take advantage of every second of the day, with no room for error. Because if for any reason, Aspen is stuck at school, in the ZAP program, her carpool buddies will be standing at the tree waiting, her carpool mom will be wondering if all the kids got stolen and her dance teachers will mark this against her which could get her kicked out of the program if it happens enough times.
It is all very frustrating. But as others have managed before us, I am sure we will do fine. Just had to speak my peace. (don't act surprised)
Happy Tuesday
GREAT!!!.....in theory.....
I know where they are going with this program, but what confuses me is (there is no warning) what do you do if you are in a carpool with other kids and you just don't show up? Or...what if you are involved in an extracurricular sport which is equally strict and doesn't approve absenses.
What if the child has a doctors appointment right after school?
It says if the child doesn't show, up; they will receive a consequence.
I believe that the consequence falls on everyone.
My weekly schedule is organized down to the minutes! Today, for example, I have to go to work, get off in time to pick up the kids deliver them to their dance studio and will have just enough time to get to my night meeting.
If they decided to keep my child for an hour, who's consequence is it???
The schools are working very hard to make sure their scores are high. This is good. That means they are really working with the students to make things happen.
However, some policies just aren't perfect no matter how you try to look at them.
Now, I am new to this middle school thing, and I could be reading the program wrong. But it is all like learning a new language. And though I don't anticipate my child being one that will have to stay after school, I do know her plate is pretty full this year, and it is entirely possible, so I need to think it all through.
I honestly thought that with Aspen dancing between 10 and 12 hours a week, she would qualify for independent P.E. But they don't go based on hours. You have to have an even more rigorous schedule than what they even offer at school. It is kind of ridiculous. She goes from P.E. in her last period straight to 3 hours of dance on Tuesdays and Thursdays. HOMEWORK, you ask??? Well, that is after she gets home and after dinner.
That would be a nice hour to have with her doing her homework at school if she got approved for independent PE, but apparently, the school looks at things differently. They must be right....right???
We will do our best to get everything done this year. We will have to be master planners and take advantage of every second of the day, with no room for error. Because if for any reason, Aspen is stuck at school, in the ZAP program, her carpool buddies will be standing at the tree waiting, her carpool mom will be wondering if all the kids got stolen and her dance teachers will mark this against her which could get her kicked out of the program if it happens enough times.
It is all very frustrating. But as others have managed before us, I am sure we will do fine. Just had to speak my peace. (don't act surprised)
Happy Tuesday
Monday, September 19, 2011
Fundraising and "spent" family
I am so frustrated with the schools. I know they are trying to make ends meet, and I may be starting a bad conversation, but I'm entitled to my opinion, and this is, after all my daily tangent, so here goes!
I hate how the schools pimp out my children (yes, I said it) to sell stuff or buy stuff so they can get a chincy little reward.
And now that my kids are at two schools I'm getting hit with twice as much "stuff" to deal with.
I don't mind the schools fundraising. I understand times are hard, and I do my own fundraiser for the school every year; I give!
What I hate is how they get the kids SO pumped up that they come home excited that they have a chance to win some worthless crap at the expense of my efforts!!!
Aspen came home the other day and she said, "Mom, can you fill this out? You don't have to do anything else, just fill it out and when I bring it back I get........... (I lost her at this point).
I told her I would look at it later, but don't get her hopes up.
Two days later, I get something in the mail from my niece. My stomach sinks. I don't buy for my own kids, and for that reason, I can't buy from my niece. If I'm making a donation, it has to stay local. And, honestly at this point, I would like to receive some donations for myself! I quickly realise that my nieces fundraiser looks much likes Aspen's.
So, when I finally open Aspen's paperwork, it was the same, and "all" I have to fill out is 7 names of my closest friends with their addresses so we can hit them up to buy magazines! (ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????)
My kids are 9 and 11. We have done these things every year! School, Girl Scouts, etc..... The grandparents have been spent. Close family and friends are all selling the same stuff and the best part is, no one has any money for the stuff OR any need for the "stuff" they are buying!!!!!
The thing that frustrates my husband and myself is, the mere pennies that the schools get for these fundraisers isn't worth all the efforts these kids are putting out, let alone the disdain from those 'supporting' them.
If they want me to buy a magazine subscription for $20, they maybe get a few cents are at best a whole dollar! Can I just give $20 directly to the school and let my kid get the "stuff" they are trying so hard to earn? Or better yet, can I just take them to Big Lots with $5 and let them go crazy and tell them they are all winners!!!!!!????
Again, I realize that schools have to fund raise. But, can you just send me a bill for how much you are trying to earn and let me cut you a check? I'm sure if I send you a $20, that is more then you will get from all my purchases from these stupid fundraisers that build my kids up, only to let them get knocked down when I tell them it ain't gonna happen! I have enough fights of my own with my children without this 'stuff' in the mix!!!!
Not to mention the many hours I will save from peddling my kids around the block or sitting next to them on the phone while they beg everyone to buy just one more thing!!!!
Yes, I know. I shouldn't hold back so much, right? Well, maybe some day, I will tell you how I really feel!
Happy Monday!
I hate how the schools pimp out my children (yes, I said it) to sell stuff or buy stuff so they can get a chincy little reward.
And now that my kids are at two schools I'm getting hit with twice as much "stuff" to deal with.
I don't mind the schools fundraising. I understand times are hard, and I do my own fundraiser for the school every year; I give!
What I hate is how they get the kids SO pumped up that they come home excited that they have a chance to win some worthless crap at the expense of my efforts!!!
Aspen came home the other day and she said, "Mom, can you fill this out? You don't have to do anything else, just fill it out and when I bring it back I get........... (I lost her at this point).
I told her I would look at it later, but don't get her hopes up.
Two days later, I get something in the mail from my niece. My stomach sinks. I don't buy for my own kids, and for that reason, I can't buy from my niece. If I'm making a donation, it has to stay local. And, honestly at this point, I would like to receive some donations for myself! I quickly realise that my nieces fundraiser looks much likes Aspen's.
So, when I finally open Aspen's paperwork, it was the same, and "all" I have to fill out is 7 names of my closest friends with their addresses so we can hit them up to buy magazines! (ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????)
My kids are 9 and 11. We have done these things every year! School, Girl Scouts, etc..... The grandparents have been spent. Close family and friends are all selling the same stuff and the best part is, no one has any money for the stuff OR any need for the "stuff" they are buying!!!!!
The thing that frustrates my husband and myself is, the mere pennies that the schools get for these fundraisers isn't worth all the efforts these kids are putting out, let alone the disdain from those 'supporting' them.
If they want me to buy a magazine subscription for $20, they maybe get a few cents are at best a whole dollar! Can I just give $20 directly to the school and let my kid get the "stuff" they are trying so hard to earn? Or better yet, can I just take them to Big Lots with $5 and let them go crazy and tell them they are all winners!!!!!!????
Again, I realize that schools have to fund raise. But, can you just send me a bill for how much you are trying to earn and let me cut you a check? I'm sure if I send you a $20, that is more then you will get from all my purchases from these stupid fundraisers that build my kids up, only to let them get knocked down when I tell them it ain't gonna happen! I have enough fights of my own with my children without this 'stuff' in the mix!!!!
Not to mention the many hours I will save from peddling my kids around the block or sitting next to them on the phone while they beg everyone to buy just one more thing!!!!
Yes, I know. I shouldn't hold back so much, right? Well, maybe some day, I will tell you how I really feel!
Happy Monday!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Epiphany
How old were you when you found out your parents were.....not perfect?
(Gulp)
Hope I didn't spoil it for anyone.
I was probably in my late 20s. I'm a late bloomer. Yes, I had suspected it in my teens when I became all knowing and they become dumber than dirt. But that happens in teen years, no?
Now, to clarify what "Perfect" meant in my world; it was that they knew everything, had all the answers, and didn't have any problems. (yes, I had high expectations put on those poor people).
I believed most of what they said, and took it as truth without challenging it. I never had a reason to challenge it, because more often than not, I didn't care.
But then when I started having seriously different opinions than my parents, it was really weird. I found myself debating them at times thinking they were off their rocker. But then there were times, I just didn't say a word, because after I heard what they had to say, I challenged my own thinking as though maybe my information was wrong?
Growing up is such a mixed bag.
I really liked when Aspen said to me the other day, "I don't want to grow up. Grown ups are BORING!" Can't argue with that logic. If it were in my power, I would keep her 10 years old forever. But then I would have to not age as well!!
However, growing up offers freedom from your parents. A chance to spread your wings and apply what you have learned! It gives you the chance to fall as well....and learn from it.
We can't be attached to our parents forever. We have to grow, and we have to move on. But we have to realize that we need to learn our own way and find what we love and realize that our parents may have different opinions....and that is just fine.
My major epiphany was when I had children. All of a sudden, I realized that my mom didn't "suck" (not that I thought she did, I'm just sayin'). I realized she was doing her best with what she had, to raise 5 kids. And all of a sudden, I looked at my husband, and realized my dad did many of the same things. He was doing his best with what he had to provide for his family.
And I was so very thankful for them.
As a parent, I keep looking for that guidebook to get me through my every day with kids. Every day is different.
Now that I have kids; and I still have my mom in my life, I'm thankful to hear from her the many stories; from her perspective, about how she got through it. I can finally see her point of view, and realize, in many ways, she did better than me.
Our kids don't get to pick their parents. I'm sure they would all look very closely before settling back down with us. But as long as my kids know I am not perfect, I do the best I can with what I have....then I'm okay with that.
And, they know they are loved.
I'm thankful for all my parents mistakes. I'm thankful for everything I have been given. But most of all, I'm thankful my parents weren't perfect!
Happy Sunday!
(Gulp)
Hope I didn't spoil it for anyone.
I was probably in my late 20s. I'm a late bloomer. Yes, I had suspected it in my teens when I became all knowing and they become dumber than dirt. But that happens in teen years, no?
Now, to clarify what "Perfect" meant in my world; it was that they knew everything, had all the answers, and didn't have any problems. (yes, I had high expectations put on those poor people).
I believed most of what they said, and took it as truth without challenging it. I never had a reason to challenge it, because more often than not, I didn't care.
But then when I started having seriously different opinions than my parents, it was really weird. I found myself debating them at times thinking they were off their rocker. But then there were times, I just didn't say a word, because after I heard what they had to say, I challenged my own thinking as though maybe my information was wrong?
Growing up is such a mixed bag.
I really liked when Aspen said to me the other day, "I don't want to grow up. Grown ups are BORING!" Can't argue with that logic. If it were in my power, I would keep her 10 years old forever. But then I would have to not age as well!!
However, growing up offers freedom from your parents. A chance to spread your wings and apply what you have learned! It gives you the chance to fall as well....and learn from it.
We can't be attached to our parents forever. We have to grow, and we have to move on. But we have to realize that we need to learn our own way and find what we love and realize that our parents may have different opinions....and that is just fine.
My major epiphany was when I had children. All of a sudden, I realized that my mom didn't "suck" (not that I thought she did, I'm just sayin'). I realized she was doing her best with what she had, to raise 5 kids. And all of a sudden, I looked at my husband, and realized my dad did many of the same things. He was doing his best with what he had to provide for his family.
And I was so very thankful for them.
As a parent, I keep looking for that guidebook to get me through my every day with kids. Every day is different.
Now that I have kids; and I still have my mom in my life, I'm thankful to hear from her the many stories; from her perspective, about how she got through it. I can finally see her point of view, and realize, in many ways, she did better than me.
Our kids don't get to pick their parents. I'm sure they would all look very closely before settling back down with us. But as long as my kids know I am not perfect, I do the best I can with what I have....then I'm okay with that.
And, they know they are loved.
I'm thankful for all my parents mistakes. I'm thankful for everything I have been given. But most of all, I'm thankful my parents weren't perfect!
Happy Sunday!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
My brain is taking some time to wrap around this new school schedule. The weekdays are fine. Those were a pretty easy adjustment - thanks to carpool!
What is weird for me.......FREE WEEKENDS!!!!!!
My brain is scrambling to think there is something we are missing. But alas....as we chose it; here we are! It's a Saturday morning, light drizzle outside, I hear the screams from the soccer field (and feeling a little sorry for those out there; though they don't sound like they are suffering in the least). And here I sit, coffee in hand (well not really, I haven't gotten that far yet, but I will) doing that thing I'm not terribly used to. Ummmm.....hmmmmm....what's that word....OH...RELAXING!!!!
I do have a photo session tonite at the beach (given the rain subsides), but aside from that, the kids are home and we have free license to do as we wish.
And again, my brain is scrambling. Because, as always, there are a million things to do at any given moment in this house. We have a LOT of catching up to do.
But for now; we have time to relax and have an easy going morning.
And I expect at any time, the kids will get in our faces and ask "What are we gonna do today?" Of which we have nothing planned. NOTHING!!!!
Ohhh....even writing it seems weird.
When all you have to do in the house is work, and that is all you have to offer the kids; is it best to leave it alone and let it ride for a few? Or wait until they ask "What are we doing today?" and offer them their options!!! (Yes, I said "options" full well knowing it's more of a shut up and do it sort of thing. But it's important to let your kids feel like they might have the possibility of a say in the house from time to time?
Not really sure what the day holds. I think I hear the bed and remote calling me back to my room.
But the Shpilkis (jewish word-probably spelled wrong) is driving me to do something else.
Right now, though, I am meeting my neighbor to walk my dogs, so I gots ta go.
Either way I choose, I'm happy for the decision to do nothing!
And today...I'll take it!
Happy Saturday
What is weird for me.......FREE WEEKENDS!!!!!!
My brain is scrambling to think there is something we are missing. But alas....as we chose it; here we are! It's a Saturday morning, light drizzle outside, I hear the screams from the soccer field (and feeling a little sorry for those out there; though they don't sound like they are suffering in the least). And here I sit, coffee in hand (well not really, I haven't gotten that far yet, but I will) doing that thing I'm not terribly used to. Ummmm.....hmmmmm....what's that word....OH...RELAXING!!!!
I do have a photo session tonite at the beach (given the rain subsides), but aside from that, the kids are home and we have free license to do as we wish.
And again, my brain is scrambling. Because, as always, there are a million things to do at any given moment in this house. We have a LOT of catching up to do.
But for now; we have time to relax and have an easy going morning.
And I expect at any time, the kids will get in our faces and ask "What are we gonna do today?" Of which we have nothing planned. NOTHING!!!!
Ohhh....even writing it seems weird.
When all you have to do in the house is work, and that is all you have to offer the kids; is it best to leave it alone and let it ride for a few? Or wait until they ask "What are we doing today?" and offer them their options!!! (Yes, I said "options" full well knowing it's more of a shut up and do it sort of thing. But it's important to let your kids feel like they might have the possibility of a say in the house from time to time?
Not really sure what the day holds. I think I hear the bed and remote calling me back to my room.
But the Shpilkis (jewish word-probably spelled wrong) is driving me to do something else.
Right now, though, I am meeting my neighbor to walk my dogs, so I gots ta go.
Either way I choose, I'm happy for the decision to do nothing!
And today...I'll take it!
Happy Saturday
Friday, September 16, 2011
Self Sabotage
Ever have a fight and lose? And you are the one you are fighting with?
I swear, sometimes, I live in my head so much, if people knew the inner dialog I would lose friends.
There are days I am in total control, and other days I just want to self destruct and it's everything I have to not implode.
My mind needs a break!!
I meet so many people every week, and I do believe that is one thing I have in common with many of them.
Self Sabotage!
How?
Why?
I have been super close to success at times, sometimes even surpassing it; only to turn around and run back in the direction I just came from! It's insane! And I have no idea why?
I have read that it stems from our limiting beliefs! (WHAT??? Us, LIMIT ourselves?) Yes, it,s true.
Many times we cannot imagine ourselves in success or allow ourselves to believe we actually deserve it. For others it is a fear of "What Now?"
My mom and I always have this conversation. It is something that comes up time and again, because it fits in so many instances. It's the morning of Christmas, the anticipation is at its peak; you have been staring at the presents under the tree for a while now, or you are just so excited to see what Santa brought you that you are brimming with excitement.
Ever feel that way?
Then....the rip-fest begins. Wrappers fall to the floor in a job well done. The presents are exposed one after the other. You can't move fast enough to get through them all!
And as you look around.....you have opened every last one. Maybe you're happy with your gifts; maybe you aren't. But the feeling starts bubbling up as you ask yourself.....
Is that all there is???????
Sometimes success equals that feeling. You get to your goal, and then what? Some people never let themselves get to their "then what", because they don't have an answer.
As for me; I don't have an answer as to why I'm struggling with myself lately. My conscious mind knows the right choices to make. And so I go the other way.
Usually when this happens, it doesn't affect anyone but me. But sometimes, others are affected, and that is when we need to take a serious look at what is going on.
But right now; my brain is tired from all the arguments. I need a mental break. And then I can come back and revisit the turmoil in my head.
But not today.....
Happy Friday!
I swear, sometimes, I live in my head so much, if people knew the inner dialog I would lose friends.
There are days I am in total control, and other days I just want to self destruct and it's everything I have to not implode.
My mind needs a break!!
I meet so many people every week, and I do believe that is one thing I have in common with many of them.
Self Sabotage!
How?
Why?
I have been super close to success at times, sometimes even surpassing it; only to turn around and run back in the direction I just came from! It's insane! And I have no idea why?
I have read that it stems from our limiting beliefs! (WHAT??? Us, LIMIT ourselves?) Yes, it,s true.
Many times we cannot imagine ourselves in success or allow ourselves to believe we actually deserve it. For others it is a fear of "What Now?"
My mom and I always have this conversation. It is something that comes up time and again, because it fits in so many instances. It's the morning of Christmas, the anticipation is at its peak; you have been staring at the presents under the tree for a while now, or you are just so excited to see what Santa brought you that you are brimming with excitement.
Ever feel that way?
Then....the rip-fest begins. Wrappers fall to the floor in a job well done. The presents are exposed one after the other. You can't move fast enough to get through them all!
And as you look around.....you have opened every last one. Maybe you're happy with your gifts; maybe you aren't. But the feeling starts bubbling up as you ask yourself.....
Is that all there is???????
Sometimes success equals that feeling. You get to your goal, and then what? Some people never let themselves get to their "then what", because they don't have an answer.
As for me; I don't have an answer as to why I'm struggling with myself lately. My conscious mind knows the right choices to make. And so I go the other way.
Usually when this happens, it doesn't affect anyone but me. But sometimes, others are affected, and that is when we need to take a serious look at what is going on.
But right now; my brain is tired from all the arguments. I need a mental break. And then I can come back and revisit the turmoil in my head.
But not today.....
Happy Friday!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
A lesson for us all
Sleepy heads roll out of bed. They can't believe it's morning already, because they just laid their heads to their pillows.......
"They" is Aspen.
The schedule is gonna start coming around. This is her first full week of school/dance. Last night she was home at 7:30 and waited until dinner was ready to start her homework. She lost a good 20 minutes, which put her to bed 20 minutes later.......she'll learn.
This year is going to be a HUGE lesson in using our time wisely! But as a child with no concept of time, or time management......we have our work cut out for us. Mostly because I am her mother.
I'm not saying I am a total loss, but I have been known to .....umm.....what's that word....... Oh, PROCRASTINATE. (the hell you say!....but alas, it's true).
I put things aside and say, "I'll get back to that". And in my mind, I get right back to it. But in reality, my ADD takes over and sometimes I come home overwhelmed with all the "I'll get back to that"s around my house. Like, literally EVERYWHERE!!!
So....this year we will ALL take a new approach. It's called "Pre-Planning!"
I learned the skill while losing weight. I found it came in handy. (And still does!)
I have found there is really no excuse for not being organized. You just need the right tools!
Does anyone have some tools I can borrow?
My husband gets frustrated because the girls room is a mess. He wants to be able to simply tell the, "Clean your room" and they would reply to him...."it shall be done oh loving father".
But there is one problem. They have honestly never been taught on a consistent basis (the key here) to do so.
If I am consistent in one thing....it is being inconsistent. I'm not proud of it. But it is who I am.
That which NEEDS to get done will get done, but if it has a few moments before it explodes, I abandon it to do other things.
I have a million books to read and about 5 hot seconds to read them. So, at this point I am more a "magazine article" kind of girl. (When I can get to them).
All my life, my sister had this one up on me. And now, she has 5 kids who are all self sufficient and (pretty much) organized.
She had the tools to pass down to her children.
What do you do when you don't have the tools???
ASK FOR HELP!!!!
So....my dear readers; if you have any suggestions for a scatterbrained, inconsistent, working momma to help her kids; I'm all ears.
In the meantime, I will have to sit down with my child, show her the "available" times that she should be completing her assignments, offer her incentives (well, both girls, I should say), and pray to God for consistency.
We have already had a teaching moment with Aspen. As she rolled out of bed exhausted this morning, I iterated that time management is going to be crucial this year. With 8-10 hours of dance a week on top of her school schedule, we have our work cut out for us! (cuz I want chores chiseled in there too) Not too much to ask, right?
Wish me luck, and send me suggestions!
Happy Thursday!
"They" is Aspen.
The schedule is gonna start coming around. This is her first full week of school/dance. Last night she was home at 7:30 and waited until dinner was ready to start her homework. She lost a good 20 minutes, which put her to bed 20 minutes later.......she'll learn.
This year is going to be a HUGE lesson in using our time wisely! But as a child with no concept of time, or time management......we have our work cut out for us. Mostly because I am her mother.
I'm not saying I am a total loss, but I have been known to .....umm.....what's that word....... Oh, PROCRASTINATE. (the hell you say!....but alas, it's true).
I put things aside and say, "I'll get back to that". And in my mind, I get right back to it. But in reality, my ADD takes over and sometimes I come home overwhelmed with all the "I'll get back to that"s around my house. Like, literally EVERYWHERE!!!
So....this year we will ALL take a new approach. It's called "Pre-Planning!"
I learned the skill while losing weight. I found it came in handy. (And still does!)
I have found there is really no excuse for not being organized. You just need the right tools!
Does anyone have some tools I can borrow?
My husband gets frustrated because the girls room is a mess. He wants to be able to simply tell the, "Clean your room" and they would reply to him...."it shall be done oh loving father".
But there is one problem. They have honestly never been taught on a consistent basis (the key here) to do so.
If I am consistent in one thing....it is being inconsistent. I'm not proud of it. But it is who I am.
That which NEEDS to get done will get done, but if it has a few moments before it explodes, I abandon it to do other things.
I have a million books to read and about 5 hot seconds to read them. So, at this point I am more a "magazine article" kind of girl. (When I can get to them).
All my life, my sister had this one up on me. And now, she has 5 kids who are all self sufficient and (pretty much) organized.
She had the tools to pass down to her children.
What do you do when you don't have the tools???
ASK FOR HELP!!!!
So....my dear readers; if you have any suggestions for a scatterbrained, inconsistent, working momma to help her kids; I'm all ears.
In the meantime, I will have to sit down with my child, show her the "available" times that she should be completing her assignments, offer her incentives (well, both girls, I should say), and pray to God for consistency.
We have already had a teaching moment with Aspen. As she rolled out of bed exhausted this morning, I iterated that time management is going to be crucial this year. With 8-10 hours of dance a week on top of her school schedule, we have our work cut out for us! (cuz I want chores chiseled in there too) Not too much to ask, right?
Wish me luck, and send me suggestions!
Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Offerings and balance
This is my first late start day with Aspen. This middle school thing is kind of weird.
I woke up this morning to the alarm, and told Chris I wanted to sleep in! (Which means, he is in charge of Avery for the morning.) So, out of bed he goes and I 'try' to go back to sleep!
Did I mention the word 'Try'?
Well, someone (Aspen) woke up with boundless energy and came in and jumped on me yelling "BLANKET!!!!". I must not be a good mom, cuz I threw the 'blanket' off and said I wanted to sleep in a bit. So she fell behind me, snuggling really close (like a side blanket), which would have been fine....except for the fact she was breathing heavily down the back of my neck!
SLEEP TIME OVER!!!!
Little booger left, went outside in the back yard to play with the dogs.
Being a parent is NOT for the selfish, I assure you!
I decided to come downstairs and start making my healthy muffins for breakfast.
I have been good all summer, not baking. When I bake, it gets me into trouble (I eat it). I make apple pies from scratch (including the crust), cookies, cupcakes, cakes, muffins, etc.... But I had to stop, because I was getting a little out of control.
Then all of a sudden, yesterday, I got the itch so bad, I couldn't deny it.
I 'blamed' it on the kids. I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I added almond meal to add a little more nutrition to it, and literally rationalized that because of the good ingredients in there, it is just as good as a breakfast cereal (well, some anyways!). At least they are getting oatmeal, and whole wheat flour and nuts. (forget about the sugar and butter).
This morning, I made my best healthy muffin recipe. I will have to hand these out to my healthy friends, because most people don't care to eat flax seed (and that is if they know what that is).
I cannot deny that I love baking. There is some sort of gratification I get from it. And though I tried to stay away, the school year has me in full swing again.
It is a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small. It is also an offering to friends and family. And I like giving.
This summer had me running in every direction. My ability to connect with people was lost a bit. And in that, I was lost too. It is important NOT to give too much of yourself away. We definitely need balance!!!
So, as I take my offerings to my friends today, I will be okay with my baking. The more I give away, the less I eat. And....the better I feel.
Win/win.
Happy Wednesday!!!!
I woke up this morning to the alarm, and told Chris I wanted to sleep in! (Which means, he is in charge of Avery for the morning.) So, out of bed he goes and I 'try' to go back to sleep!
Did I mention the word 'Try'?
Well, someone (Aspen) woke up with boundless energy and came in and jumped on me yelling "BLANKET!!!!". I must not be a good mom, cuz I threw the 'blanket' off and said I wanted to sleep in a bit. So she fell behind me, snuggling really close (like a side blanket), which would have been fine....except for the fact she was breathing heavily down the back of my neck!
SLEEP TIME OVER!!!!
Little booger left, went outside in the back yard to play with the dogs.
Being a parent is NOT for the selfish, I assure you!
I decided to come downstairs and start making my healthy muffins for breakfast.
I have been good all summer, not baking. When I bake, it gets me into trouble (I eat it). I make apple pies from scratch (including the crust), cookies, cupcakes, cakes, muffins, etc.... But I had to stop, because I was getting a little out of control.
Then all of a sudden, yesterday, I got the itch so bad, I couldn't deny it.
I 'blamed' it on the kids. I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I added almond meal to add a little more nutrition to it, and literally rationalized that because of the good ingredients in there, it is just as good as a breakfast cereal (well, some anyways!). At least they are getting oatmeal, and whole wheat flour and nuts. (forget about the sugar and butter).
This morning, I made my best healthy muffin recipe. I will have to hand these out to my healthy friends, because most people don't care to eat flax seed (and that is if they know what that is).
I cannot deny that I love baking. There is some sort of gratification I get from it. And though I tried to stay away, the school year has me in full swing again.
It is a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small. It is also an offering to friends and family. And I like giving.
This summer had me running in every direction. My ability to connect with people was lost a bit. And in that, I was lost too. It is important NOT to give too much of yourself away. We definitely need balance!!!
So, as I take my offerings to my friends today, I will be okay with my baking. The more I give away, the less I eat. And....the better I feel.
Win/win.
Happy Wednesday!!!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Kinks
More than one angle to a story......
Yesterday I went to pick up my carpool, which consists of two boys and three girls, I love love love listening to these kids talking in my car. I wanted to slow down to two miles per hour to lengthen the experience.
Apparently, there was a rift between two of the kids; a boy and a girl. It was clear that they were trying to hash it out. I didn't want to intrude as I feel that it is very important for these kids to articulate and resolve their issues. They were doing just fine.
Towards the end of the drive, I did step in a bit, just to see if I could reiterate ones feelings to the other.
In the end, it appeared a resolution was reached. At one point, I stood at the back of my car (with the backpacks) listening to the two articulate better than most adults. I literally had tears in my eyes, swelling with pride.
I was a little unclear as to why the girl (a very close friend) was so irritated.
Well.....after we dropped off the boy, more information came forward, and the whole picture became very clear. I got a glimpse into the whole picture, which was about a year longer than the 5 minutes I got to hear. It all became clearer to me. And I felt one of the issues needed to be pursued.
As this is a new school year and a new dynamic; kinks need to be worked out. And as issues arise, they need to be addressed, no matter how small they seem to be.
So....I drafted an email.
Now; if you read my blog at all; you know that emails have gotten me into trouble. However, with my schedule, sometimes I don't have a choice. If it is late, then I am not going to call someone. But this issue had to be addressed, and so off the email went.........
.....and now I wait!
I'm hoping that my message is taken lightly, but if defenses run high on the other end, then Houston, we may have a problem.
But as it is the beginning of the year and we have to go through the rest of the year, it is better to nip the kinks in the bud so they don't get worse!
I would expect to hear from any parent who had issues with my kids (and I have!).
Now, I have to say; on the way home yesterday, I was so impressed with the dialog of these kids. Because as they were talking over their issue, the articulation was so intelligent, I dare say it rivaled adult communication. AND....probably exceeded it.
Most adults don't articulate this well.
As I was dropping off and I listened to the apologies spoken, and watched the hands be shaken, I literally welled up with tears. Yes, I'm an easy target. But I was so proud of these kids for talking it through, because the alternative is to act out.
As I am new to Carpool, I have to say, I love it! I'm with kids who are new to me, and for the most part, I sit back and listen. I get to be a fly on the wall; and that is a great place to be!
Happy Tuesday
Yesterday I went to pick up my carpool, which consists of two boys and three girls, I love love love listening to these kids talking in my car. I wanted to slow down to two miles per hour to lengthen the experience.
Apparently, there was a rift between two of the kids; a boy and a girl. It was clear that they were trying to hash it out. I didn't want to intrude as I feel that it is very important for these kids to articulate and resolve their issues. They were doing just fine.
Towards the end of the drive, I did step in a bit, just to see if I could reiterate ones feelings to the other.
In the end, it appeared a resolution was reached. At one point, I stood at the back of my car (with the backpacks) listening to the two articulate better than most adults. I literally had tears in my eyes, swelling with pride.
I was a little unclear as to why the girl (a very close friend) was so irritated.
Well.....after we dropped off the boy, more information came forward, and the whole picture became very clear. I got a glimpse into the whole picture, which was about a year longer than the 5 minutes I got to hear. It all became clearer to me. And I felt one of the issues needed to be pursued.
As this is a new school year and a new dynamic; kinks need to be worked out. And as issues arise, they need to be addressed, no matter how small they seem to be.
So....I drafted an email.
Now; if you read my blog at all; you know that emails have gotten me into trouble. However, with my schedule, sometimes I don't have a choice. If it is late, then I am not going to call someone. But this issue had to be addressed, and so off the email went.........
.....and now I wait!
I'm hoping that my message is taken lightly, but if defenses run high on the other end, then Houston, we may have a problem.
But as it is the beginning of the year and we have to go through the rest of the year, it is better to nip the kinks in the bud so they don't get worse!
I would expect to hear from any parent who had issues with my kids (and I have!).
Now, I have to say; on the way home yesterday, I was so impressed with the dialog of these kids. Because as they were talking over their issue, the articulation was so intelligent, I dare say it rivaled adult communication. AND....probably exceeded it.
Most adults don't articulate this well.
As I was dropping off and I listened to the apologies spoken, and watched the hands be shaken, I literally welled up with tears. Yes, I'm an easy target. But I was so proud of these kids for talking it through, because the alternative is to act out.
As I am new to Carpool, I have to say, I love it! I'm with kids who are new to me, and for the most part, I sit back and listen. I get to be a fly on the wall; and that is a great place to be!
Happy Tuesday
Monday, September 12, 2011
9-12
So, yesterday was 9-11. We spent our morning at Saddleback Church, with Rick Warren honoring all the days events including the moments that happened, the people we lost, the people who protect us and how we can move forward as a nation, a people, and a christian.
Very powerful stuff!
I sat up at the top, in the back, with a box of tissue on my lap; and I looked around at all the people that were there. WAY more than usual. And I couldn't help but realize how so many people flocked in JUST to honor 9-11.
It is the same on Easter; Christmas.
When people feel moved....they come!
Shouldn't they feel moved......more often???
We are a fickle people. We go with what we are feeling at the moment. And as that changes with the wind....so do our actions.
I see it in my business as well with members wanting to lose weight. I know it is a hard thing to do, because I did it. And when things weren't going my way, or I was frustrated, or just tired of trying....I wanted to quit. And I didn't. And I am the exception, not the rule. I would like to create many many more exceptions. That is my goal.
Most people can't see the big picture, and so they turn off the TV all together.
We are fickle.
And it is kind of a bummer sometimes.
People are most giving between Thanksgiving and Christmas. For some reason, we will find time to donate. But as people eat every single day, January through October.....how do the hungry survive?
By those who are moved regularly.
There are some out there. And thank God for them. Most of us barely have time to put on our shoes before we are carried out the door to a day that is so jam packed full that to even think of ourselves is a luxury; let alone, think about anyone else.
So, today, my blog is dedicated to those who do think about it and are moved January through October. Unfortunately, along with most of the rest of the people, I'll be there in November with my offerings.
However; now that my awareness is raised for myself, I may add a few more days in there, and bring my family with me so we can elevate ourselves to a new level.
There are many organizations that need help. And by simply donating your time,(if you have no money), you can help make a difference in the world.
My goal would be that we feel the power of the love we had yesterday, more throughout the year. In that room; we were bonded as a people. We were one nation under God. And it felt like we made a difference.
For at least an hour.
Happy Monday!
Very powerful stuff!
I sat up at the top, in the back, with a box of tissue on my lap; and I looked around at all the people that were there. WAY more than usual. And I couldn't help but realize how so many people flocked in JUST to honor 9-11.
It is the same on Easter; Christmas.
When people feel moved....they come!
Shouldn't they feel moved......more often???
We are a fickle people. We go with what we are feeling at the moment. And as that changes with the wind....so do our actions.
I see it in my business as well with members wanting to lose weight. I know it is a hard thing to do, because I did it. And when things weren't going my way, or I was frustrated, or just tired of trying....I wanted to quit. And I didn't. And I am the exception, not the rule. I would like to create many many more exceptions. That is my goal.
Most people can't see the big picture, and so they turn off the TV all together.
We are fickle.
And it is kind of a bummer sometimes.
People are most giving between Thanksgiving and Christmas. For some reason, we will find time to donate. But as people eat every single day, January through October.....how do the hungry survive?
By those who are moved regularly.
There are some out there. And thank God for them. Most of us barely have time to put on our shoes before we are carried out the door to a day that is so jam packed full that to even think of ourselves is a luxury; let alone, think about anyone else.
So, today, my blog is dedicated to those who do think about it and are moved January through October. Unfortunately, along with most of the rest of the people, I'll be there in November with my offerings.
However; now that my awareness is raised for myself, I may add a few more days in there, and bring my family with me so we can elevate ourselves to a new level.
There are many organizations that need help. And by simply donating your time,(if you have no money), you can help make a difference in the world.
My goal would be that we feel the power of the love we had yesterday, more throughout the year. In that room; we were bonded as a people. We were one nation under God. And it felt like we made a difference.
For at least an hour.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9-11
9-11
Just saying it brings me back to that terrible day.
I remember being in bed; Aspen was 1 year old, and Chris was getting ready for work. His mom called and told us that someone crashed into the twin tower, and we turned on the TV.
I sat in bed, unable to move. At that time, we had no idea what was happening. We just watched, dumbfounded.
As the second plane flew into the second building, shock filled my body. And as news of the other planes at the Pentagon, and in Pennsylvania.... My brain couldn't even wrap around what was happening. It was all too much.
As I looked at my daughter sleeping by my side, I knew she would never know the world I grew up in as a child. I knew right then and there, our lives would never be the same.
And they're not.
Our trust is gone. Our sorrows greatened.
As I write, I am watching memorials for the 10 year anniversary. I am recounting the events to my girls who are 9 and 11 years old. I am in tears at the sadness of the events, of what we lost, and how things will never be the same.
We all have a story, and we all remember it well.
In honor of all those who lost their lives, and the families affected, the military who continues to keep us safe, and the world, who prayed for us. May we never forget.
And remember to hug those dear to you.
Happy Sunday
Just saying it brings me back to that terrible day.
I remember being in bed; Aspen was 1 year old, and Chris was getting ready for work. His mom called and told us that someone crashed into the twin tower, and we turned on the TV.
I sat in bed, unable to move. At that time, we had no idea what was happening. We just watched, dumbfounded.
As the second plane flew into the second building, shock filled my body. And as news of the other planes at the Pentagon, and in Pennsylvania.... My brain couldn't even wrap around what was happening. It was all too much.
As I looked at my daughter sleeping by my side, I knew she would never know the world I grew up in as a child. I knew right then and there, our lives would never be the same.
And they're not.
Our trust is gone. Our sorrows greatened.
As I write, I am watching memorials for the 10 year anniversary. I am recounting the events to my girls who are 9 and 11 years old. I am in tears at the sadness of the events, of what we lost, and how things will never be the same.
We all have a story, and we all remember it well.
In honor of all those who lost their lives, and the families affected, the military who continues to keep us safe, and the world, who prayed for us. May we never forget.
And remember to hug those dear to you.
Happy Sunday
Friday, September 9, 2011
Not self Conscious...yet conscious........
Yesterday I got to pick up my car. It had a dent in the bumper and so they put a whole new bumper on for me! I felt a little guilty that they had to scrap a whole bumper on my account, but it is a brand new car, and if for any reason, (which I doubt) that I want to sell it, I want to make sure any dents are ones I actually incurred.
The few days without the car made me appreciate it more. I traded in my minivan (of 11 years....longer than most of my relationships) and upgraded to a vehicle that should suit the whole family.
From the moment I drove it off the lot, I felt like it was meant for me. And I have driven a LOT of cars in my life. None really "did" it for me.
This one does.
And, for some reason, I feel guilty about it.
I wouldn't consider myself a hugely indulgent person. I don't care about getting my hair and nails done. I don't really care to do my makeup unless I have to, and it doesn't bother me if my clothes are a bit wrinkled. I don't really live my life with the fear of how someone will judge me, because I know I try to be the best I can, and I am okay with that.
I feel bad for people who feel they need to primp and preen to be accepted. We are who we are on the inside. I honestly try to look at the inside of people before I judge anyone. I would hope the same from others to me.
So to drive my "mama" van for 11 years was a great honor.
When I took the car in, I ended up with a rental. A Ford Expedition. A very LARGE Ford Expedition.
It's a really nice car. I love how kids can just pile in there. But the car did not fit "me".
Now....I have to take a step back. Because the truth is (as I can now recall), I do care how some people think of me. Because as I was writing this, a day came to my mind, where I was really quite embarrassed at what I had, and it made me reflect on how some people do judge.
I was hired for a job at the St. Regis in Monarch Beach. Ritzy, Glitzy and Glamorous! I was there representing someone else. I was an additional shooter for a very high profile event.
As I pulled up in my mama van, with it's gas smell emanating (that the mechanic swore didn't exist), I asked the valet if there was a self park.
I would be devastated if someone I just photographed saw me drive up, or away in that van. It was expressly for motherhood....not professional purposes.
I realized right then and there, that I had to start thinking more about my future.
Though I'm not a judgemental person. People judge. And in some cases....it does matter.
My goal is to be a "professional". And for me, that has to encompass more than just how I look when I come to a job.
For many years, I have been perfectly content in my "mom" role. But as my kids are getting older, I am realizing I need to start putting myself more in the front of the bus (so to speak).
If I want to be portrayed as a professional, I need to BE a professional, and start shedding some of that "mom" exterior. You know the one....no makeup, hat to hide the bad hair day....etc.....
So I think for me, what this car represents is a new and more "forward" me.
When we dumped the expedition back to pick up my car....we all got in with a sigh of relief. It's a new home for all of us. I guess we all needed to grow up a little bit.
I was talking to Aspen on the way home (Avery went with Chris) and I asked her, "What is your favorite part of the car?" She said, "I love how I can roll down the windows, and I like that the a/c controls are right by us and the seats are really comfortable.
And as I turned around to glance at her, she sat in a most demure position, with her feet up on the seat as if she were on a couch watching a movie. She was very at home.
So, yes, I'm a mixed bag. Not really caring what others think, while being very conscious of what others think. It's a good balance that I am happy with. I really needed something to propel me forward from my "stuck-ness".
And as a result....I took my family with me!
Happy Saturday!
The few days without the car made me appreciate it more. I traded in my minivan (of 11 years....longer than most of my relationships) and upgraded to a vehicle that should suit the whole family.
From the moment I drove it off the lot, I felt like it was meant for me. And I have driven a LOT of cars in my life. None really "did" it for me.
This one does.
And, for some reason, I feel guilty about it.
I wouldn't consider myself a hugely indulgent person. I don't care about getting my hair and nails done. I don't really care to do my makeup unless I have to, and it doesn't bother me if my clothes are a bit wrinkled. I don't really live my life with the fear of how someone will judge me, because I know I try to be the best I can, and I am okay with that.
I feel bad for people who feel they need to primp and preen to be accepted. We are who we are on the inside. I honestly try to look at the inside of people before I judge anyone. I would hope the same from others to me.
So to drive my "mama" van for 11 years was a great honor.
When I took the car in, I ended up with a rental. A Ford Expedition. A very LARGE Ford Expedition.
It's a really nice car. I love how kids can just pile in there. But the car did not fit "me".
Now....I have to take a step back. Because the truth is (as I can now recall), I do care how some people think of me. Because as I was writing this, a day came to my mind, where I was really quite embarrassed at what I had, and it made me reflect on how some people do judge.
I was hired for a job at the St. Regis in Monarch Beach. Ritzy, Glitzy and Glamorous! I was there representing someone else. I was an additional shooter for a very high profile event.
As I pulled up in my mama van, with it's gas smell emanating (that the mechanic swore didn't exist), I asked the valet if there was a self park.
I would be devastated if someone I just photographed saw me drive up, or away in that van. It was expressly for motherhood....not professional purposes.
I realized right then and there, that I had to start thinking more about my future.
Though I'm not a judgemental person. People judge. And in some cases....it does matter.
My goal is to be a "professional". And for me, that has to encompass more than just how I look when I come to a job.
For many years, I have been perfectly content in my "mom" role. But as my kids are getting older, I am realizing I need to start putting myself more in the front of the bus (so to speak).
If I want to be portrayed as a professional, I need to BE a professional, and start shedding some of that "mom" exterior. You know the one....no makeup, hat to hide the bad hair day....etc.....
So I think for me, what this car represents is a new and more "forward" me.
When we dumped the expedition back to pick up my car....we all got in with a sigh of relief. It's a new home for all of us. I guess we all needed to grow up a little bit.
I was talking to Aspen on the way home (Avery went with Chris) and I asked her, "What is your favorite part of the car?" She said, "I love how I can roll down the windows, and I like that the a/c controls are right by us and the seats are really comfortable.
And as I turned around to glance at her, she sat in a most demure position, with her feet up on the seat as if she were on a couch watching a movie. She was very at home.
So, yes, I'm a mixed bag. Not really caring what others think, while being very conscious of what others think. It's a good balance that I am happy with. I really needed something to propel me forward from my "stuck-ness".
And as a result....I took my family with me!
Happy Saturday!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
So what would happen?
A day without electricity.......the city (actually a small portion of the state) brought to its knees.........
I find it interesting to realize just HOW dependant we are on the modern day conveniences.
At first, I didn't realize what was going on. I picked up my daughter from school to "quickly" get her to dance, and lo and behold.....traffic. WAY more than usual! I knew it right away; something was wrong!
At first, I thought it was an accident. It usually is when there is traffic like this. Only, I noticed it was on both sides of the street. If cars were leaving the site of an accident, there would be no traffic on the other side. So, clearly, something felt....wrong.
As I approached the light, I realized, "oh....something local went wrong. A few lights are out".
A few indeed.
All the way from where I was straight down to Tijuana.
Dare I say...."What the HELL????"
It took me over 30 minutes to go what normally took me 15. It was everywhere I went, in every direction. It didn't matter how I tried to hide from it, there were outages everywhere......
How did this happen?
The answer to that is still unknown. Other than the fact that it's a million degrees out and every last person is running their air conditioners. But still.
The problem isn't that we have outages, per se. The problem is the complete MAYHEM that happens when something goes out of the ordinary!
Capable people suddenly don't know how to drive. The simple act of the "STOP" sign is lost on people. Intersections are at a confused stand still, or rather a complete cluster-mess. All the basics that we were raised with are gone with the wind. Common sense, doesn't exist!
Some people were literally freaking out that they didn't have power.
Now, I don't dismiss that food in the fridge can go bad. And if it's anything like our fridge, it's a LOT of money we are talking about.
But people weren't so worried about their food. They were worried about their electronics! Some went searching for workable networks so they could plug in. Others, just weren't sure WHAT to do!?
I guess everyone is different. And thankfully, we weren't affected. However, we have been. And we survived. And what we did was simply ...... simple.
We connected.
To each other!!!
When things like this happen, we forget that we have the basics. ALWAYS. If you are lucky, you have water ready to go. But as far as computers. Who cares??? If you have each other, you have enough!
In moments of darkness, it's 'adventure time'. Time to light the candles, and sit together. Cuddle, snuggle....and dare I say it.....(gulp) TALK!!!!
I once heard that a study was done where a group of people were asked to live without their electronics for 24 hours. JUST 24 hours.
NOT ONE PASSED!
So, I say....take this as a lesson. Things can happen. And they may be "bad". But do your best to find the good in it all. If no one died, you are already ahead!!!
I'm thankful when things like this happen. I call them "reminders".
Reminders that we are all capable; if we go back to the basics. That we don't have to be dependent. And that if we have each other....we have everything we need!!!
So, though we may feel like we have desperate times....they can always get worse!! The glass can be half FULL just as easy as it can be half empty!
Take the time to hug more!
Happy Friday!
I find it interesting to realize just HOW dependant we are on the modern day conveniences.
At first, I didn't realize what was going on. I picked up my daughter from school to "quickly" get her to dance, and lo and behold.....traffic. WAY more than usual! I knew it right away; something was wrong!
At first, I thought it was an accident. It usually is when there is traffic like this. Only, I noticed it was on both sides of the street. If cars were leaving the site of an accident, there would be no traffic on the other side. So, clearly, something felt....wrong.
As I approached the light, I realized, "oh....something local went wrong. A few lights are out".
A few indeed.
All the way from where I was straight down to Tijuana.
Dare I say...."What the HELL????"
It took me over 30 minutes to go what normally took me 15. It was everywhere I went, in every direction. It didn't matter how I tried to hide from it, there were outages everywhere......
How did this happen?
The answer to that is still unknown. Other than the fact that it's a million degrees out and every last person is running their air conditioners. But still.
The problem isn't that we have outages, per se. The problem is the complete MAYHEM that happens when something goes out of the ordinary!
Capable people suddenly don't know how to drive. The simple act of the "STOP" sign is lost on people. Intersections are at a confused stand still, or rather a complete cluster-mess. All the basics that we were raised with are gone with the wind. Common sense, doesn't exist!
Some people were literally freaking out that they didn't have power.
Now, I don't dismiss that food in the fridge can go bad. And if it's anything like our fridge, it's a LOT of money we are talking about.
But people weren't so worried about their food. They were worried about their electronics! Some went searching for workable networks so they could plug in. Others, just weren't sure WHAT to do!?
I guess everyone is different. And thankfully, we weren't affected. However, we have been. And we survived. And what we did was simply ...... simple.
We connected.
To each other!!!
When things like this happen, we forget that we have the basics. ALWAYS. If you are lucky, you have water ready to go. But as far as computers. Who cares??? If you have each other, you have enough!
In moments of darkness, it's 'adventure time'. Time to light the candles, and sit together. Cuddle, snuggle....and dare I say it.....(gulp) TALK!!!!
I once heard that a study was done where a group of people were asked to live without their electronics for 24 hours. JUST 24 hours.
NOT ONE PASSED!
So, I say....take this as a lesson. Things can happen. And they may be "bad". But do your best to find the good in it all. If no one died, you are already ahead!!!
I'm thankful when things like this happen. I call them "reminders".
Reminders that we are all capable; if we go back to the basics. That we don't have to be dependent. And that if we have each other....we have everything we need!!!
So, though we may feel like we have desperate times....they can always get worse!! The glass can be half FULL just as easy as it can be half empty!
Take the time to hug more!
Happy Friday!
Deprived and disorganized
And so it begins.
Last night as the girls were getting ready for bed, I hear it....I don't have ANYTHING to wear tomorrow.... :(
Apparently, her ONE outfit has been used, and now we must go to school naked. Didn't I go shopping at two stores on two separate days with the girls? Did we get nothing but shirts? And underwear? What is filling the drawers in your room? Because last I checked, there was no more room to put anything. Not even a piece of dental floss. And now you are telling me T 9:30pm that you have "nothing" to wear to school.
What a bummer. (can you FEEL my sympathy?). Would I be a bad mom if I said "Sucks to be you"? Because as she was standing on the stairs looking down at me, and I up at her, that is exactly what came to mind.
But I took the high road. I told her to make a list of items needed and we could go from there.
And of course 'we' want to buy shorts. Because it is hot out and we can't imagine needing any other clothes.
I love the beginning of the school year. So many little tweaks and adjustments.
I found myself driving yesterday and wondering where I was gonna put the kids, and I realized that it is school time now. I will be taking at least a week reorganizing my brain to this new schedule.
And I am already feeling the pressure.
My intention was to have the girls at dance Tuesday Thursday and Friday. But Wednesday has just been added, and my post traumatic stress disorder is starting to come back.
I am already wondering how I will get through this year. I am hoping it will stay to 4 days a week. "only" 4 days.
I want my life back.
Oh, wait....this IS my life!
I guess I better embrace it as much as possible. Organization will be key. I am determined to get through this. I am lucky that my schedule is restricted to only two girls. My girlfriend has 4 girls all in sports at different times in different locations. I cannot imagine how she does it. Other than the fact that she doesn't work outside the home, I would say her sanity is still at risk, and I have offered her help just in case she gets stuck.
It takes a village, I tell ya.
So...first thing in order is to get organized...and go shopping.....
.....for shorts.....
Happy Thursday!
Last night as the girls were getting ready for bed, I hear it....I don't have ANYTHING to wear tomorrow.... :(
Apparently, her ONE outfit has been used, and now we must go to school naked. Didn't I go shopping at two stores on two separate days with the girls? Did we get nothing but shirts? And underwear? What is filling the drawers in your room? Because last I checked, there was no more room to put anything. Not even a piece of dental floss. And now you are telling me T 9:30pm that you have "nothing" to wear to school.
What a bummer. (can you FEEL my sympathy?). Would I be a bad mom if I said "Sucks to be you"? Because as she was standing on the stairs looking down at me, and I up at her, that is exactly what came to mind.
But I took the high road. I told her to make a list of items needed and we could go from there.
And of course 'we' want to buy shorts. Because it is hot out and we can't imagine needing any other clothes.
I love the beginning of the school year. So many little tweaks and adjustments.
I found myself driving yesterday and wondering where I was gonna put the kids, and I realized that it is school time now. I will be taking at least a week reorganizing my brain to this new schedule.
And I am already feeling the pressure.
My intention was to have the girls at dance Tuesday Thursday and Friday. But Wednesday has just been added, and my post traumatic stress disorder is starting to come back.
I am already wondering how I will get through this year. I am hoping it will stay to 4 days a week. "only" 4 days.
I want my life back.
Oh, wait....this IS my life!
I guess I better embrace it as much as possible. Organization will be key. I am determined to get through this. I am lucky that my schedule is restricted to only two girls. My girlfriend has 4 girls all in sports at different times in different locations. I cannot imagine how she does it. Other than the fact that she doesn't work outside the home, I would say her sanity is still at risk, and I have offered her help just in case she gets stuck.
It takes a village, I tell ya.
So...first thing in order is to get organized...and go shopping.....
.....for shorts.....
Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Ahhhh....
Okay, I don't have much time. I need to work fast.
I have already been accosted by an over excited 11 year old who woke up (first) at 4:45. And then went back to sleep then got up again at 6:15 (no alarm) and stretched in her room until 6:30 when I came out so she could leap in front of my face and say "GOOD MORNING!" and then get into the shower.
(Me thinks someone is excited for her new school.....hmmmm??????)
This morning, I will spend time curling their hair. (and try not to screw it up).
I can do makeup til the cows come home. I'm good with the face. But something about hair - even my own - has perplexed me from day one.
I was somewhat cursed with curly-type hair. I say cursed, because there is no real method to it. First, my hair is a bit thin, I just have a lot of it. And let's just say, thin and curly hair somewhat resembles Medusa on breezy, windy, or humid days, which is about 1/2 the year long.
I praised the day I got a straightening iron.
Unfortunately....my skills lack.
Aspen has blondish hair that is straight as a stick. It doesn't hold a curl -AT ALL - (or at least under MY fingertips) but she wants to try anyway. Bless her little heart!
Avery has hair like mine. Thin-ish, but she has a wave and can hold a curl a bit longer. Only she "act's" the curl straight out of her head. She isn't what we call demure. She is me in all her energy and bounding around. Her curl doesn't really stand a chance.
But I'm their mother....so I will try!
Aspen got to walk around the school yesterday and find out where she is to go. She noticed right away, that a lot of the girls wear makeup.
And while I was quite young when I started wearing it, I will say it is because my parents didn't care enough to stop me. I used to have PILES of makeup on the floor in my room! My ex boyfriend used to write notes on my mirrors with whatever he could find, which was usually eyeliner, or lipstick. I loved makeup!
I was actually approached by a member yesterday asking where I learned to do it. Have you ever been asked a question, and instantly flashed back in your mind to the memory???? Piles of makeup filled my mind. Eyeshadow stained carpet in various shades - too many to count. For a brief moment, I was actually sitting on the floor in my room applying and reapplying makeup.
I smiled at her and told her I'm self taught. I so badly wanted to say "Come on over and lets play." But as she was in her late 50s, I'm sure she had better things to do than come over and 'braid hair'. (But if she brings it up again...I'm asking!).
But, I digress........
When Aspen talked about makeup yesterday, I did tell her I would like her to wait. However, I know that her features will be greatly enhanced with makeup. Long eyelashes, beautiful blue eyes..sweet kissy lips! BUT NOT YET!!!
We will take this middle school thing one day at a time. She doesn't even have any interest in boys (thank God), so I have some time before she starts primping and preening! (however, I do have plans for her.... wink wink).
As for Avery, she got her teacher yesterday. Not the teacher she hoped for, but a good second. I think my little Avery is turning a corner of independence. She is one that I will have to work with in Middle School. She already has this ..... thing with a boy in her school. Nothing serious. As a matter of fact she denies it all. However, she tends to "deny" it before we even ask. And it started in preschool. It's something the cosmos put together, I swear!!! So I think she'll be pushing for makeup a bit sooner.
As it is; she was the first done with breakfast; and as I write, she is laying on the floor, curling iron already plugged in and waiting for me to sign off.
I told you I didn't have much time!
May this school year be the best EVER! (I know...we say that every year....)
Happy Wednesday!
I have already been accosted by an over excited 11 year old who woke up (first) at 4:45. And then went back to sleep then got up again at 6:15 (no alarm) and stretched in her room until 6:30 when I came out so she could leap in front of my face and say "GOOD MORNING!" and then get into the shower.
(Me thinks someone is excited for her new school.....hmmmm??????)
This morning, I will spend time curling their hair. (and try not to screw it up).
I can do makeup til the cows come home. I'm good with the face. But something about hair - even my own - has perplexed me from day one.
I was somewhat cursed with curly-type hair. I say cursed, because there is no real method to it. First, my hair is a bit thin, I just have a lot of it. And let's just say, thin and curly hair somewhat resembles Medusa on breezy, windy, or humid days, which is about 1/2 the year long.
I praised the day I got a straightening iron.
Unfortunately....my skills lack.
Aspen has blondish hair that is straight as a stick. It doesn't hold a curl -AT ALL - (or at least under MY fingertips) but she wants to try anyway. Bless her little heart!
Avery has hair like mine. Thin-ish, but she has a wave and can hold a curl a bit longer. Only she "act's" the curl straight out of her head. She isn't what we call demure. She is me in all her energy and bounding around. Her curl doesn't really stand a chance.
But I'm their mother....so I will try!
Aspen got to walk around the school yesterday and find out where she is to go. She noticed right away, that a lot of the girls wear makeup.
And while I was quite young when I started wearing it, I will say it is because my parents didn't care enough to stop me. I used to have PILES of makeup on the floor in my room! My ex boyfriend used to write notes on my mirrors with whatever he could find, which was usually eyeliner, or lipstick. I loved makeup!
I was actually approached by a member yesterday asking where I learned to do it. Have you ever been asked a question, and instantly flashed back in your mind to the memory???? Piles of makeup filled my mind. Eyeshadow stained carpet in various shades - too many to count. For a brief moment, I was actually sitting on the floor in my room applying and reapplying makeup.
I smiled at her and told her I'm self taught. I so badly wanted to say "Come on over and lets play." But as she was in her late 50s, I'm sure she had better things to do than come over and 'braid hair'. (But if she brings it up again...I'm asking!).
But, I digress........
When Aspen talked about makeup yesterday, I did tell her I would like her to wait. However, I know that her features will be greatly enhanced with makeup. Long eyelashes, beautiful blue eyes..sweet kissy lips! BUT NOT YET!!!
We will take this middle school thing one day at a time. She doesn't even have any interest in boys (thank God), so I have some time before she starts primping and preening! (however, I do have plans for her.... wink wink).
As for Avery, she got her teacher yesterday. Not the teacher she hoped for, but a good second. I think my little Avery is turning a corner of independence. She is one that I will have to work with in Middle School. She already has this ..... thing with a boy in her school. Nothing serious. As a matter of fact she denies it all. However, she tends to "deny" it before we even ask. And it started in preschool. It's something the cosmos put together, I swear!!! So I think she'll be pushing for makeup a bit sooner.
As it is; she was the first done with breakfast; and as I write, she is laying on the floor, curling iron already plugged in and waiting for me to sign off.
I told you I didn't have much time!
May this school year be the best EVER! (I know...we say that every year....)
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Nuthin'
Some days I wake up and I sit down to write, and the only thing that comes to mind is;
I got NUTHIN'.
Truth is, I never "got nuthin". I just don't know what to bring to the surface to write about.
I'm in my head 24/7; constantly analyzing this and that. It's pretty annoying. Sometimes, I hear myself talking to people and I don't love what comes out of my mouth.
I know we are all in our heads, because there is no where else for us to go. But there are times I feel like my life is like a piece of string cheese, and I'm constantly picking it apart; never letting it be. As if my worrying an analyzing will fix anything.
When I was younger our family would gather in the car and go places. I remember from the back seat of the car I would watch my dads hands on the steering wheel. I used to examine how strong his hands were, where he used to place them on the wheel, and over the years, I would watch as his hands would age.
I was painfully aware that my parents would not be around forever. I and I worried about what I would do when they would pass. I was so over the top, I would listen to songs over and over, crying, hoping they would never die. It was pretty awful.
The bottom line is; there is nothing I could do about it.
Now; nearly 12 years after my dads passing, I look back at all that worry. My heart is broken, because my dad isn't here to know my kids; or advise me on my life. It was going to happen no matter what, and no matter how many years I committed to worrying about it, wasn't going to change a thing. Yet, I couldn't ever get it out of my head.
Now, it's very possible that this all comes down to control. There really is no control. So to worry about it is ridiculous.
Or.....it comes down to faith.
I remember the day my dad died. I was right by his side with my sister and my mom. Though I thought my life would come to an end when I was a girl, worrying about it; I stood there by his side; knowing his suffering had passed, and I felt at peace.
Our future was still uncertain. We weren't sure what was going to happen with mom, or where she would live or how she would handle it; but I knew at that very moment, as I stood there with my dad, that my heart felt light, and he was fine. It was a very powerful moment for all of us. We got through it together.
And we were all fine.
We weren't great. But, all the worry that I put into trying to make things stop didn't work. And I survived.
It's really hard fighting things that are swirling around in your head. There are times you can quiet them; and times they take over your life.
I have gotten better at managing them, but I never "got nuthin". I'm just not sure sometimes where to start.....
Happy Tuesday
I got NUTHIN'.
Truth is, I never "got nuthin". I just don't know what to bring to the surface to write about.
I'm in my head 24/7; constantly analyzing this and that. It's pretty annoying. Sometimes, I hear myself talking to people and I don't love what comes out of my mouth.
I know we are all in our heads, because there is no where else for us to go. But there are times I feel like my life is like a piece of string cheese, and I'm constantly picking it apart; never letting it be. As if my worrying an analyzing will fix anything.
When I was younger our family would gather in the car and go places. I remember from the back seat of the car I would watch my dads hands on the steering wheel. I used to examine how strong his hands were, where he used to place them on the wheel, and over the years, I would watch as his hands would age.
I was painfully aware that my parents would not be around forever. I and I worried about what I would do when they would pass. I was so over the top, I would listen to songs over and over, crying, hoping they would never die. It was pretty awful.
The bottom line is; there is nothing I could do about it.
Now; nearly 12 years after my dads passing, I look back at all that worry. My heart is broken, because my dad isn't here to know my kids; or advise me on my life. It was going to happen no matter what, and no matter how many years I committed to worrying about it, wasn't going to change a thing. Yet, I couldn't ever get it out of my head.
Now, it's very possible that this all comes down to control. There really is no control. So to worry about it is ridiculous.
Or.....it comes down to faith.
I remember the day my dad died. I was right by his side with my sister and my mom. Though I thought my life would come to an end when I was a girl, worrying about it; I stood there by his side; knowing his suffering had passed, and I felt at peace.
Our future was still uncertain. We weren't sure what was going to happen with mom, or where she would live or how she would handle it; but I knew at that very moment, as I stood there with my dad, that my heart felt light, and he was fine. It was a very powerful moment for all of us. We got through it together.
And we were all fine.
We weren't great. But, all the worry that I put into trying to make things stop didn't work. And I survived.
It's really hard fighting things that are swirling around in your head. There are times you can quiet them; and times they take over your life.
I have gotten better at managing them, but I never "got nuthin". I'm just not sure sometimes where to start.....
Happy Tuesday
Monday, September 5, 2011
Emotional awareness
Ooohhhh....what a lovely mix in our weather today! It's very fall-like outside. Cold, a little windy, and threatening clouds outside. The breeze is blowing papers off my desk and the cold breeze is hitting me in the face as I write! How fun. I like it!
Yesterday I was at a friends house at a last minute barbecue. They are friends I don't socialize with much, but have fun hanging out with, because it's just a low key no frills thing. I can always handle that!
As we were sitting and chatting, the lightening started. I will never get used to lightening or thunder. Sometimes I love it, sometimes....not so much! But last night as we all sat in the back yard and talked (Husbands and wives), it added to the ambiance in the background of our conversations.
As we were leaving, the girls begged to spend the night. I said, sure, as long as it was no bother. These are kids my girls rarely see, and I can't remember if they have had a sleepover, so it was a little exciting for them. It's also the very last few days before school, so why not!
As soon as the girls hunkered for a movie, we started to pack up and leave. Aspen was a little surprised that we were leaving "so quick". All of a sudden she seemed a little less excited to spend the night. She wanted me to stay for a bit. But I told her it was late and we were tired and we had to go. I talked her into just sitting down with the other girls and the movie and she reluctantly left me.
I felt bad, because I wanted to take her home. And if she insisted, then I wouldn't have hesitated. She just needed a little encouragement to settle in an get comfortable.
I mentioned before how my fears have seemingly been projected on to her. But since then, I have backed off, and changed my approach to one of more excitement. However, it is possible that the damage is done, and that her insecurities have bubbled to the top.
She has been very clingy on me lately; can't get enough hugs and kisses. I ask her every time "what's up?" and she just says, "I just love you so much!" (hard to argue with that one).
But I know that with my anxiety issues, that for a few years, I was living in a private hell of not wanting to tell anyone how I felt for fear that I would "infect" them with my thoughts. So I didn't talk to anyone, and I couldn't live in the moment to save my life, because I was so afraid of everything, that I could barely breathe.
I functioned totally fine. But no one knew, because at that time, I wasn't even sure how to articulate it. All I knew was, I thought the world was coming to an end every single moment of the day!
I do not want my children suffering like I did. However, I already see signs.
And when hormones kick in, to a young child who can barely process 'pre-hormonal life', I am very worried. When I think of all the years I said nothing to anyone, not realizing that it didn't have to be that way......
as if life isn't hard enough without added issues...........
I see a lot of conversations in my future. I actually realized that most of my therapy came from awareness, I decided this morning that I will be making a journal for my girls. And they will involve a feelings chart! When they journal, I want them to connect to their emotions, so they can figure out a course to make their situations better.
I deal with 50 and 60 year old people who have no idea the difference between their feelings of disgust and disdain.......because they never really thought about how necessary it is to pinpoint the difference.
Awareness is key. How can you fix it if you don't know what "it" is! Right?
I can't prevent my kids from having nasty experiences; but I can throw as much awareness at them to arm them with the necessary tools to get over or at least manage what they are going through.
So, my task today is to start with a 'feelings' sheet and to get them a journal to write in.
And when I pick up my munchkins, we are going to have a nice in depth conversation and hopefully, help them feel a bit more secure in who they are.
Happy Monday!
Yesterday I was at a friends house at a last minute barbecue. They are friends I don't socialize with much, but have fun hanging out with, because it's just a low key no frills thing. I can always handle that!
As we were sitting and chatting, the lightening started. I will never get used to lightening or thunder. Sometimes I love it, sometimes....not so much! But last night as we all sat in the back yard and talked (Husbands and wives), it added to the ambiance in the background of our conversations.
As we were leaving, the girls begged to spend the night. I said, sure, as long as it was no bother. These are kids my girls rarely see, and I can't remember if they have had a sleepover, so it was a little exciting for them. It's also the very last few days before school, so why not!
As soon as the girls hunkered for a movie, we started to pack up and leave. Aspen was a little surprised that we were leaving "so quick". All of a sudden she seemed a little less excited to spend the night. She wanted me to stay for a bit. But I told her it was late and we were tired and we had to go. I talked her into just sitting down with the other girls and the movie and she reluctantly left me.
I felt bad, because I wanted to take her home. And if she insisted, then I wouldn't have hesitated. She just needed a little encouragement to settle in an get comfortable.
I mentioned before how my fears have seemingly been projected on to her. But since then, I have backed off, and changed my approach to one of more excitement. However, it is possible that the damage is done, and that her insecurities have bubbled to the top.
She has been very clingy on me lately; can't get enough hugs and kisses. I ask her every time "what's up?" and she just says, "I just love you so much!" (hard to argue with that one).
But I know that with my anxiety issues, that for a few years, I was living in a private hell of not wanting to tell anyone how I felt for fear that I would "infect" them with my thoughts. So I didn't talk to anyone, and I couldn't live in the moment to save my life, because I was so afraid of everything, that I could barely breathe.
I functioned totally fine. But no one knew, because at that time, I wasn't even sure how to articulate it. All I knew was, I thought the world was coming to an end every single moment of the day!
I do not want my children suffering like I did. However, I already see signs.
And when hormones kick in, to a young child who can barely process 'pre-hormonal life', I am very worried. When I think of all the years I said nothing to anyone, not realizing that it didn't have to be that way......
as if life isn't hard enough without added issues...........
I see a lot of conversations in my future. I actually realized that most of my therapy came from awareness, I decided this morning that I will be making a journal for my girls. And they will involve a feelings chart! When they journal, I want them to connect to their emotions, so they can figure out a course to make their situations better.
I deal with 50 and 60 year old people who have no idea the difference between their feelings of disgust and disdain.......because they never really thought about how necessary it is to pinpoint the difference.
Awareness is key. How can you fix it if you don't know what "it" is! Right?
I can't prevent my kids from having nasty experiences; but I can throw as much awareness at them to arm them with the necessary tools to get over or at least manage what they are going through.
So, my task today is to start with a 'feelings' sheet and to get them a journal to write in.
And when I pick up my munchkins, we are going to have a nice in depth conversation and hopefully, help them feel a bit more secure in who they are.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
GLEE
Yesterday, I spent the better part of the day at home watching GLEE on Netflix. I have never seen the show, and on Netflix, you get whole seasons with (wait for it) NO COMMERCIALS!!!
The girls and I hunkered down for an episode or two to check it out. And MANY hours later, we were enthralled, and having a hard time getting out the door.
Ever happen to you?
The first thing I loved about the show is the slushy. I didn't totally get it at first, but came to realize quickly that it represented the underdog.
(if you haven't seen the show before, it is set in high school, with all the regular cliques and a football team, cheerleaders and ...... the Glee club).
As I have now seen most of season one, I have to say, my girls and I are in love with the show. Jane Lynch HAS to be my favorite character. Every time she walks in a door, I start laughing, and that is usually before she talks. The freaky thing is Aspen is the one who told me her name. How do my kids know this stuff????
Jane plays "Sue", the high school cheerleading ("cheerios") coach. She is rude and ruthless and absolutely NAILS it with everything she says.
The show is predictable in many ways, but the thing I love about it is the music and dancing. I don't care what you throw dancing in to....I'm IN!!!
When I was a kid, living at home with my parents, every so often my parents would dance in the living room (or where ever the music was). This is single handedly my favorite memory of my parents. In their volatile relationship, everything ceased when the music played.
Funny what you take from your childhood, huh?
To this day, when I dance, I don't have a care in the world. (I just wish I could get out more!)
The show has a great balance of happiness, struggles, competition, and a lot of singing. I am addicted.
And though I should feel guilty for sitting on me arse for so many hours, it was a treat to "clock out" and feel good for a while. With every episode, I would say, "Okay girls, after this we are getting up"....and then Avery would quickly click "Play" for the next episode! (Yes. I just blamed it all on Avery).
Today we have other plans, so we won't be home til later. However, I do have plans to finish the season by the end of our long weekend. An ambitious goal, but a goal nonetheless.
And though I have many things to do this weekend, I can always rearrange a bit to build in some "feel good" time.
And I have no problem taking the girls down with me!
Happy Sunday!
The girls and I hunkered down for an episode or two to check it out. And MANY hours later, we were enthralled, and having a hard time getting out the door.
Ever happen to you?
The first thing I loved about the show is the slushy. I didn't totally get it at first, but came to realize quickly that it represented the underdog.
(if you haven't seen the show before, it is set in high school, with all the regular cliques and a football team, cheerleaders and ...... the Glee club).
As I have now seen most of season one, I have to say, my girls and I are in love with the show. Jane Lynch HAS to be my favorite character. Every time she walks in a door, I start laughing, and that is usually before she talks. The freaky thing is Aspen is the one who told me her name. How do my kids know this stuff????
Jane plays "Sue", the high school cheerleading ("cheerios") coach. She is rude and ruthless and absolutely NAILS it with everything she says.
The show is predictable in many ways, but the thing I love about it is the music and dancing. I don't care what you throw dancing in to....I'm IN!!!
When I was a kid, living at home with my parents, every so often my parents would dance in the living room (or where ever the music was). This is single handedly my favorite memory of my parents. In their volatile relationship, everything ceased when the music played.
Funny what you take from your childhood, huh?
To this day, when I dance, I don't have a care in the world. (I just wish I could get out more!)
The show has a great balance of happiness, struggles, competition, and a lot of singing. I am addicted.
And though I should feel guilty for sitting on me arse for so many hours, it was a treat to "clock out" and feel good for a while. With every episode, I would say, "Okay girls, after this we are getting up"....and then Avery would quickly click "Play" for the next episode! (Yes. I just blamed it all on Avery).
Today we have other plans, so we won't be home til later. However, I do have plans to finish the season by the end of our long weekend. An ambitious goal, but a goal nonetheless.
And though I have many things to do this weekend, I can always rearrange a bit to build in some "feel good" time.
And I have no problem taking the girls down with me!
Happy Sunday!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Dreams and Plans
Up early on a Saturday morning.
I don't know why I get so frustrated with that. Like sleeping in is a gift and if I don't do it, I'm cheated. Truth is, if I wake up at 8 or 9am, I feel like the day is wasted. So I need to get over myself that I pop out of bed so early! I really do love the mornings.
However, this morning, my wake up call was pretty gnarly. I had a dream as vivid as could be that woke me with a start.
It was the first day of school, and I had to leave work to get Aspen. Only my car broke, so I was walking. I was confused from where I was how to get to the school. It was all new to me. Someone was trying to give me directions, (but of course, NOT a ride) and I felt the panic mount. In my dream, I hadn't discussed a pickup location with Aspen, so finding her at all was going to be a nightmare even IF I got there on time!
I ended up in a residential area, that looked like someones backyard. I asked to borrow their phone (cuz I guess I didn't have one) so I could call the school, and let my daughter know I would be late. They asked what class she was in. I didn't have that information, and I got mocked on the phone. The school secretary laughed at me and said, "How can you NOT know where your child's class is???" I was incensed. What a witch with a 'B'. Didn't she hear the panic in my voice that I wouldn't be able to find my child? That she may "catch a ride" with an unknown friend? (because apparently in my dream, the equivalent was dropping her at a concert alone with no way to get a hold of her!)
I ran through the residential area and got to the school as it let out. I scoured the place looking for her ("her" being so little as she is), with sheer panic and exhaustion through the masses of people.
Thankfully, I found her, and then realized I had to get Avery too. But Avery was sitting in one spot waiting for me. But it startled me awake. It was so vivid. So awful.
It was just a dream!!!
Ever wake up from a dream and you can still feel the remnants in your emotions? When I woke up, I was so angry at that secretary who judged me for not knowing Aspen's schedule. Clearly, my subconscious is feeling a bit disorganized about the whole thing. Good thing the witch with a B didn't have a face. I'd probably flick her when I saw her.
I remember one time I had a dream that my husband was cheating on me. In my dream he did something so cold (can't remember what it was, just how I felt). When I woke up the next morning, I punched my husband (we were still in bed). He said, "OW...what was THAT for?" I said, "You CHEATED on me in my dream!!" He said, "You have issues!" and rolled over and went back to bed!
He's right....I have issues!!!
This dream is simply my fears surfacing. I want to be prepared, and my fear is despite all my efforts to have my ducks in a row, the truth is, I have NO control over what will happen! I literally have to have faith in this!
My husband is a total planner. He has everything laid out, and ready to go. He has the brain for it. But what happens if something goes "off plan?" The rigid usually crack and fall. Sometimes I'm rigid in my beliefs and hopes. However, I have lived long enough to know that it's a good idea to have Plan B in tow "just in case!"
I will do my best to recover from this dream. I'm still evaluating it and going over it all in my head. Dreams do happen for a reason. But I will also do my best to start letting go some more.
My plan A is that my children will always be sweet and young and we will be the center of our universe.
But Plan B is taking over.....REALITY!
I'm enjoying every possible moment with them. Yesterday we did a bit of gardening, and when the hose came out to water....well....you can imagine!
They will always be the center of my universe.
I'll have to be okay with that!
Happy Saturday!
I don't know why I get so frustrated with that. Like sleeping in is a gift and if I don't do it, I'm cheated. Truth is, if I wake up at 8 or 9am, I feel like the day is wasted. So I need to get over myself that I pop out of bed so early! I really do love the mornings.
However, this morning, my wake up call was pretty gnarly. I had a dream as vivid as could be that woke me with a start.
It was the first day of school, and I had to leave work to get Aspen. Only my car broke, so I was walking. I was confused from where I was how to get to the school. It was all new to me. Someone was trying to give me directions, (but of course, NOT a ride) and I felt the panic mount. In my dream, I hadn't discussed a pickup location with Aspen, so finding her at all was going to be a nightmare even IF I got there on time!
I ended up in a residential area, that looked like someones backyard. I asked to borrow their phone (cuz I guess I didn't have one) so I could call the school, and let my daughter know I would be late. They asked what class she was in. I didn't have that information, and I got mocked on the phone. The school secretary laughed at me and said, "How can you NOT know where your child's class is???" I was incensed. What a witch with a 'B'. Didn't she hear the panic in my voice that I wouldn't be able to find my child? That she may "catch a ride" with an unknown friend? (because apparently in my dream, the equivalent was dropping her at a concert alone with no way to get a hold of her!)
I ran through the residential area and got to the school as it let out. I scoured the place looking for her ("her" being so little as she is), with sheer panic and exhaustion through the masses of people.
Thankfully, I found her, and then realized I had to get Avery too. But Avery was sitting in one spot waiting for me. But it startled me awake. It was so vivid. So awful.
It was just a dream!!!
Ever wake up from a dream and you can still feel the remnants in your emotions? When I woke up, I was so angry at that secretary who judged me for not knowing Aspen's schedule. Clearly, my subconscious is feeling a bit disorganized about the whole thing. Good thing the witch with a B didn't have a face. I'd probably flick her when I saw her.
I remember one time I had a dream that my husband was cheating on me. In my dream he did something so cold (can't remember what it was, just how I felt). When I woke up the next morning, I punched my husband (we were still in bed). He said, "OW...what was THAT for?" I said, "You CHEATED on me in my dream!!" He said, "You have issues!" and rolled over and went back to bed!
He's right....I have issues!!!
This dream is simply my fears surfacing. I want to be prepared, and my fear is despite all my efforts to have my ducks in a row, the truth is, I have NO control over what will happen! I literally have to have faith in this!
My husband is a total planner. He has everything laid out, and ready to go. He has the brain for it. But what happens if something goes "off plan?" The rigid usually crack and fall. Sometimes I'm rigid in my beliefs and hopes. However, I have lived long enough to know that it's a good idea to have Plan B in tow "just in case!"
I will do my best to recover from this dream. I'm still evaluating it and going over it all in my head. Dreams do happen for a reason. But I will also do my best to start letting go some more.
My plan A is that my children will always be sweet and young and we will be the center of our universe.
But Plan B is taking over.....REALITY!
I'm enjoying every possible moment with them. Yesterday we did a bit of gardening, and when the hose came out to water....well....you can imagine!
They will always be the center of my universe.
I'll have to be okay with that!
Happy Saturday!
Friday, September 2, 2011
And so I blog
I sometimes wonder how smart it is to put it all 'out there' every day.
I know my life is an open book, but as I blog every day, it gives me less to talk about with people. Writing is a form of expression. And as I express myself every day, and many people I know read it; I feel like I'm repeating myself when I talk to them.
The other day, I started telling someone about my experience at the girlscout house. They said, "Oh ya, I read that on your blog!"
?
Now, I got nuthin'!
I can't help but want to write what I'm feeling. I've been 'processing' all my life. To put it into words is a good thing.....but to publish it all to the world? hmmmm.......let's think about this........
My goal in writing this and publishing it is not only for selfish reasons. It is truly to realize that we are all the same and the we mostly have the same feelings or go through the same motions as others.
As we were at the girlscout house the other day, we were talking to the girls about feeling weird their first day of middle school. I asked the girls, "Who feels like they are the ONLY ONE to have certain emotions and that no one else in the world possibly knows how you feel?" They all raised their hands. And as they did...they looked around the room at each other and I could see in their faces......comfort.
They realized they were not alone. And we moms reinforced that they are not alone.
If I were in a room of adults and asked the same question; I know that half the people would raise their hands. And the other half we be too afraid to admit it! That other half is who I am writing to!
And so I blog!
I'm not afraid to admit when I trip on my dress and fall face first down a flight of stairs at the St. Regis in front of a hundred executives (though this hasn't happened, I'll surely let you know when it does).
My filters are low and my ability to write is high.
And so I blog!
I have tried to stop. And every time I do, I run into someone I would never suspect reads my blog and shares how even ONE thing I wrote, helped them.
And so I blog.
We need each other. Life sucks sometimes. And I don't mind being the sacrificial lamb who puts it all out there. We should all be so brave (or stupid...jury's out).
If we shared more, we'd realize we are all the same.
I grew up all my life feeling "weird" or "less than" or "awkward" (nowadays shortened to "AWK"). But as I connect with my fellow classmates on Facebook I hear the same things from them....quickly followed by "Why didn't we know each other then?" (and the answer to that is because we were all so self-absorbed in our own private hell's that we couldn't be bothered to let another in).
And so I blog.
If there is anything that I say that can be of use; great. Just do me a favor. When I see you and tell you a story; look at me as though it's the first you have heard it and do your best to give me a fresh laugh (if it's funny) and don't let me know I'm actually repeating myself!
I love you all!
And so I blog!
Happy Friday (and Safe Labor Day weekend!)
I know my life is an open book, but as I blog every day, it gives me less to talk about with people. Writing is a form of expression. And as I express myself every day, and many people I know read it; I feel like I'm repeating myself when I talk to them.
The other day, I started telling someone about my experience at the girlscout house. They said, "Oh ya, I read that on your blog!"
?
Now, I got nuthin'!
I can't help but want to write what I'm feeling. I've been 'processing' all my life. To put it into words is a good thing.....but to publish it all to the world? hmmmm.......let's think about this........
My goal in writing this and publishing it is not only for selfish reasons. It is truly to realize that we are all the same and the we mostly have the same feelings or go through the same motions as others.
As we were at the girlscout house the other day, we were talking to the girls about feeling weird their first day of middle school. I asked the girls, "Who feels like they are the ONLY ONE to have certain emotions and that no one else in the world possibly knows how you feel?" They all raised their hands. And as they did...they looked around the room at each other and I could see in their faces......comfort.
They realized they were not alone. And we moms reinforced that they are not alone.
If I were in a room of adults and asked the same question; I know that half the people would raise their hands. And the other half we be too afraid to admit it! That other half is who I am writing to!
And so I blog!
I'm not afraid to admit when I trip on my dress and fall face first down a flight of stairs at the St. Regis in front of a hundred executives (though this hasn't happened, I'll surely let you know when it does).
My filters are low and my ability to write is high.
And so I blog!
I have tried to stop. And every time I do, I run into someone I would never suspect reads my blog and shares how even ONE thing I wrote, helped them.
And so I blog.
We need each other. Life sucks sometimes. And I don't mind being the sacrificial lamb who puts it all out there. We should all be so brave (or stupid...jury's out).
If we shared more, we'd realize we are all the same.
I grew up all my life feeling "weird" or "less than" or "awkward" (nowadays shortened to "AWK"). But as I connect with my fellow classmates on Facebook I hear the same things from them....quickly followed by "Why didn't we know each other then?" (and the answer to that is because we were all so self-absorbed in our own private hell's that we couldn't be bothered to let another in).
And so I blog.
If there is anything that I say that can be of use; great. Just do me a favor. When I see you and tell you a story; look at me as though it's the first you have heard it and do your best to give me a fresh laugh (if it's funny) and don't let me know I'm actually repeating myself!
I love you all!
And so I blog!
Happy Friday (and Safe Labor Day weekend!)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Out with it
I realized two things yesterday; I am freaking out! And my daughter feels it.
The other night at the girlscout house, she decided to sleep next to me, despite my efforts to scoot her over to her friends. She wouldn't have it. She was very clingy on me, so I didn't fight her too much.
Then, yesterday, she had the opportunity to spend the night with the girlscouts - without me, and she said no. I asked why and her response was simply, "I don't know".
So, we left.
On the way home, I asked how she was doing. She said "Fine". She isn't much of a talker, but this concerns me. So, I try to bring it down a notch and up the ante, "Who was your favorite person to play with this time?" and she gave me a name.
Then I asked her why she slept with me the first night, and her response was, "I felt like you needed me". (ughhh.....) I said, "Why?" She said, "I don't know".
The truth was, I was feeling weird while there. I have been very emotional lately. But I was doing my best to hide it and I thought I was doing a good job.
But what I realized (and I think I knew this already) is that she is just as sensitive as me, and I believe she is also a watcher, like me. She observes subtle differences in people....and then she responds to it. What a gift.
So many things have been looming lately; and the 3am wakeup calls have been a signal of my stress. It just all came together in the last few days and showed up with me at the girlscout house. And I think it happened because I was around my friends (the girlscout leaders), with whom I can let my guard down.
However...I was doubting myself so much, I didn't want to say anything to them for fear of being judged as a whackjob. Because that is how I feel lately. Anticipating this; Avoiding that; Trying to accomplish this and that. It's crazy!!!
It took me a good day to process all my emotions. And then yesterday at the beach, I finally found the words to get out what I needed to say to my friend. She listened intently (no laughter or scowls thank God!) and I went over ever issue in my head. I almost cried, but I held it together.
In the course of talking it out (pretty much in regards to the blog I wrote a few days ago about making the right decisions and how they affected my friendships, etc...) I got to hear back from her tons of understanding, and even some rationale from her and concerns from her as well.
As it turns out, these decisions I made in the last year did affect things, only not as negatively as I thought. However, as change is still in order, the clarity of that came clearer into focus.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so grateful for the conversation and understanding. I have been feeling like my life is coming to an end with all the decisions I made, but the truth is, we only slightly veered off course, with a chance to right ourselves back in balance.
I told the girls (my mom friends) that my goal this year is to let everyone in our family have a chance at a life. Last year, I had NO life, because it was catering to the kids all year. This year, we are pulling in the reigns and everybody's gonna have a bit of "me" time.
Unfortunately for my daughter; she felt my angst. And on the way home I encouraged her to start finding more descript words to use in conversation. "I don't know" doesn't hold water and it doesn't open her up to other people. Not only that; but as she gets older and the hormones take over, she's gonna need a LOT MORE WORDS to explain what's going on with her!!!
So, I'll be working on her articulation, and my younger one's temper, my balance, and husbands happiness. Just a few things to work towards, right???
But, it can be done. One day at a time!
Happy Thursday!
The other night at the girlscout house, she decided to sleep next to me, despite my efforts to scoot her over to her friends. She wouldn't have it. She was very clingy on me, so I didn't fight her too much.
Then, yesterday, she had the opportunity to spend the night with the girlscouts - without me, and she said no. I asked why and her response was simply, "I don't know".
So, we left.
On the way home, I asked how she was doing. She said "Fine". She isn't much of a talker, but this concerns me. So, I try to bring it down a notch and up the ante, "Who was your favorite person to play with this time?" and she gave me a name.
Then I asked her why she slept with me the first night, and her response was, "I felt like you needed me". (ughhh.....) I said, "Why?" She said, "I don't know".
The truth was, I was feeling weird while there. I have been very emotional lately. But I was doing my best to hide it and I thought I was doing a good job.
But what I realized (and I think I knew this already) is that she is just as sensitive as me, and I believe she is also a watcher, like me. She observes subtle differences in people....and then she responds to it. What a gift.
So many things have been looming lately; and the 3am wakeup calls have been a signal of my stress. It just all came together in the last few days and showed up with me at the girlscout house. And I think it happened because I was around my friends (the girlscout leaders), with whom I can let my guard down.
However...I was doubting myself so much, I didn't want to say anything to them for fear of being judged as a whackjob. Because that is how I feel lately. Anticipating this; Avoiding that; Trying to accomplish this and that. It's crazy!!!
It took me a good day to process all my emotions. And then yesterday at the beach, I finally found the words to get out what I needed to say to my friend. She listened intently (no laughter or scowls thank God!) and I went over ever issue in my head. I almost cried, but I held it together.
In the course of talking it out (pretty much in regards to the blog I wrote a few days ago about making the right decisions and how they affected my friendships, etc...) I got to hear back from her tons of understanding, and even some rationale from her and concerns from her as well.
As it turns out, these decisions I made in the last year did affect things, only not as negatively as I thought. However, as change is still in order, the clarity of that came clearer into focus.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so grateful for the conversation and understanding. I have been feeling like my life is coming to an end with all the decisions I made, but the truth is, we only slightly veered off course, with a chance to right ourselves back in balance.
I told the girls (my mom friends) that my goal this year is to let everyone in our family have a chance at a life. Last year, I had NO life, because it was catering to the kids all year. This year, we are pulling in the reigns and everybody's gonna have a bit of "me" time.
Unfortunately for my daughter; she felt my angst. And on the way home I encouraged her to start finding more descript words to use in conversation. "I don't know" doesn't hold water and it doesn't open her up to other people. Not only that; but as she gets older and the hormones take over, she's gonna need a LOT MORE WORDS to explain what's going on with her!!!
So, I'll be working on her articulation, and my younger one's temper, my balance, and husbands happiness. Just a few things to work towards, right???
But, it can be done. One day at a time!
Happy Thursday!
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