So, it is the first few weeks of middle school. I am keeping close tabs on my child; asking her every day, "How'd your day go? Anyone mean to you? Anything shocking happen? What was the best part of your day?"......
I am happy to report; so far so good. With the minor mishaps of a snotty kid making fun of my childs (lack of) height, she is having very little issues and is even making new friends.
She came home one day and told me that she met someone new. I said, "Oh, how'd you meet?" She said, "We were standing in line at the library, waiting for books." I said, "Oh! Who spoke first?" She said, "I did! I said "Hi, My name is Aspen"". I was so very proud of her. She is not being shy or insecure. She has actually shown signs of confidence which have blown me away.
On her way home one day, one of the girls (not an immediate friend AND someone who was older) threw a sticker on the ground and kept walking. Aspen picked it up, and called her a litterer and stuck it on the girls forehead! I about fell over!!! I was so impressed I offered her a dollar for her good citizenship!
As I talk to other mom's I am hearing stories. I'm saddened by some who are feeling a little lost. I so expected that to be my child as she was so nervous the first day of school.
One of the girls is feeling a little disconnected from her friends and very concerned that she is alone. My heart is broken. This child is a bright and shining star on so many levels. But I know exactly how she feels.
When you are in elementary school, you are a fish in a pond. You know everyone, because they have all been together since kindergarten. But when you go to middle school, your pond is dumped into a larger lake. And other ponds have joined. And now, your world is turned upside down. All that you knew is gone and you have to start all over. You look at faces that are unfamiliar to you and fear starts to creep in. You feel self conscious, put your head down out of fear; but as people don't know you, they can only take this as being shut out from you; unable to get to know you. This makes you vulnerable, and puts you in a position to be judged. And so you are judged........
People judge out of ignorance. They don't know better, and are usually not smart enough to ask. Or they don't have time, or just don't care!
I have found myself so many times wanting to judge. But I have learned more times over than I care to count, that my judgements are usually unfounded and sometimes harsh. And sometimes, I have had to eat my words and that is a terrible place to be. So more often than not, I literally say out loud to myself, "Judge not lest ye be judged".
But middle schoolers are not that wise! They haven't had words bite them in the butt yet, and they aren't usually smart enough to research, so they cast their judgements without care, spread their rumors, and become cancers in society!!!
I so badly want to have a seminar for middleschoolers on insecurities and getting through it all. It's a horrible time for so many, and it breaks my heart! Not to mention the mix of hormones.....God help us all!!!
As a first time middle schooler mom, I am not 100% sure what I'm in for in the years to come. But I do remember my volatile childhood. My insecurity and how I turned myself inward instead of looking to my friends and family to help me through. Thinking you are alone in the world is the worst place to be.
Did you ever feel like you were the inventor of your feelings and that no one in the history of the world has any idea how you feel?
We've all been there!! On one level or another, we have put ourselves through torture! But it isn't necessary!
I will be talking to these kids until I'm blue in the face. I won't give up on trying to help them through. Life doesn't get any easier and adolescence is probably the hardest time for kids, because they don't know how to make sense of everything.
The best piece of advice I have ever gotten as a parent: Just keep talking to them! Whether they want it or not.
I intend to follow that advice til the end!
Happy Friday!
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