Dreams and Plans

Up early on a Saturday morning.

I don't know why I get so frustrated with that.  Like sleeping in is a gift and if I don't do it, I'm cheated.  Truth is, if I wake up at 8 or 9am, I feel like the day is wasted.  So I need to get over myself that I pop out of bed so early! I really do love the mornings.

However, this morning, my wake up call was pretty gnarly.  I had a dream as vivid as could be that woke me with a start.

It was the first day of school, and I had to leave work to get Aspen.  Only my car broke, so I was walking.  I was confused from where I was how to get to the school.  It was all new to me.  Someone was trying to give me directions, (but of course, NOT a ride) and I felt the panic mount.  In my dream, I hadn't discussed a pickup location with Aspen, so finding her at all was going to be a nightmare even IF I got there on time! 

I ended up in a residential area, that looked like someones backyard.  I asked to borrow their phone (cuz I guess I didn't have one) so I could call the school, and let my daughter know I would be late.  They asked what class she was in.  I didn't have that information, and I got mocked on the phone.  The school secretary laughed at me and said, "How can you NOT know where your child's class is???"  I was incensed.  What a witch with a 'B'.  Didn't she hear the panic in my voice that I wouldn't be able to find my child?  That she may "catch a ride" with an unknown friend?  (because apparently in my dream, the equivalent was dropping her at a concert alone with no way to get a hold of her!)

I ran through the residential area and got to the school as it let out.  I scoured the place looking for her ("her" being so little as she is), with sheer panic and exhaustion through the masses of people.

Thankfully, I found her, and then realized I had to get Avery too.  But Avery was sitting in one spot waiting for me.  But it startled me awake.  It was so vivid.  So awful.

It was just a dream!!!

Ever wake up from a dream and you can still feel the remnants in your emotions?  When I woke up, I was so angry at that secretary who judged me for not knowing Aspen's schedule.  Clearly, my subconscious is feeling a bit disorganized about the whole thing.  Good thing the witch with a B didn't have a face.  I'd probably flick her when I saw her.

I remember one time I had a dream that my husband was cheating on me.  In my dream he did something so cold (can't remember what it was, just how I felt).  When I woke up the next morning, I punched my husband (we were still in bed).  He said, "OW...what was THAT for?"  I said, "You CHEATED on me in my dream!!"  He said, "You have issues!" and rolled over and went back to bed! 

He's right....I have issues!!!

This dream is simply my fears surfacing.  I want to be prepared, and my fear is despite all my efforts to have my ducks in a row, the truth is, I have NO control over what will happen!  I literally have to have faith in this! 

My husband is a total planner.  He has everything laid out, and ready to go.  He has the brain for it.  But what happens if something goes "off plan?"  The rigid usually crack and fall.  Sometimes I'm rigid in my beliefs and hopes.  However, I have lived long enough to know that it's a good idea to have  Plan B in tow "just in case!"

I will do my best to recover from this dream.  I'm still evaluating it and going over it all in my head.  Dreams do happen for a reason.  But I will also do my best to start letting go some more. 

My plan A is that my children will always be sweet and young and we will be the center of our universe. 

But Plan B is taking over.....REALITY! 

I'm enjoying every possible moment with them.  Yesterday we did a bit of gardening, and when the hose came out to water....well....you can imagine!

They will always be the center of my universe.

I'll have to be okay with that!

Happy Saturday!