Who gives you the right to be happy?

What gives YOU the right to be happy???

My dad asked me this question after I quit my job at the bank when I was 19 years old.  .

.............

I looked at him like he had antennas coming out of his head.  (and I'm sure he thought the same about me).

What a question to ask.  For years I scratched my head wondering who would buy into his philosophy.  As I got older it started making sense to me.

In his world there was no option.  He grew up a hard working man.  I would venture to say the hardest in his family (maybe aside from his eldest sister who probably helped raising all the kids.)  He had 4 siblings; just like I did.

My dad worked hard from the time he was a child.  He put himself through college and became a patent attorney,  He knew about every side trade as well.  He could build or repair cars, build cabinets, fix plumbing, do electrical and he could even whip up a lovely set of pleated curtains or sew a nice button down shirt for his kids (which he did do).

He was amazing.

He knew how to have fun.  But when it came to taking care of his family, fun wasn't an option.  He worked his job because he had to.  There were no options when it came to taking care of his family.  It had to be done.

Nowadays we have so many "outs" that it almost seems like being responsible is an option.

I knew when my dad passed, he was a dying breed.  I honestly don't know anyone who was like him with his skills.  My little brother probably took away the most skills.  Although my oldest brothers pretty able as well.

As I think back on my dad, I respect him.  We kids didn't know any different, because we had what we wanted.  I didn't realize it was probably at a cost to him and his happiness.

I know he had happy moments.  We did many things together.  We had a boat for a short period of time. We had a camper when we were younger.  One of my favorite memories is when we were asleep in the camper and I would wake to my mom and dad whispering quietly.  I don't know why I love that memory so much, but I can still hear them talking sometimes.

I do believe we have a choice to be happy.  I know it's hard to find it sometimes, but we do have a choice.  Even when we are stressed out; you can have happy moments.

I have so many memories that make me smile I refuse to let them go.  Sometimes they are what keeps me sane when I'm about to lose it.

Last night I got to go to the beach and take pictures. It was such a nice night, I loved the breeze on my face and the smell of the salty air.  I was with my mom, who I deposited with the kids on a short wall as I shot.  I looked over at one point and the tide was getting higher.  The water was coming up to the wall.  And instead of my mom moving....she just lifted her legs every time the water came in.  It was such an amusing sight.  She's not going to let a little tide get in her way of enjoying the moment.

I feel sad for people who have no joy.

When my dad asked me that question so many years ago, I know he was coming from a place of "being an adult comes with choices that don't always make us happy".  But still; when he asked me that question, "Who gives you the right to be happy?"  (and he was just inches from my face because this was a serious stand off), I simply looked him square in the eye and said, "I DO!!!"

I really don't remember what happened after that.  I think I threw him a little bit with my answer.

It's kind of reminiscent of the other day when I asked Avery, "Is making all that noise necessary?"  and her response was simply, "YES".  For a moment, I wanted to scold her, but I was so impressed that she didn't back down in front of me that she kind of taught me a lesson.  It's not all about me.

My dad found humor in me sometimes.  But what I think he loved the most is that despite his numerous efforts to get me to take his path.... I went in my own direction.  And I succeeded.

He once apologized to me for trying to force his thoughts into my life.  He told me that he was wrong to try to get me to live life his way.  He told me that he believed I would succeed in anything I chose to do.  I will never forget that day.

For those of you out there trying to get me to see your way of thinking.... I hear what you are saying, but I am not you.  And I'm sorry if me isn't what you want.  I can only do what I do.

Happiness comes when you accept who you are.  People will inevitably try to get you to see their way is better.  But truth is; it's just different.

I learned a lot of lessons from my dad.   Some he meant to teach....and others simply because I just learned. 

I miss him terribly.  But I'm so thankful for all he gave me.  He was a genuine, no bulls*it person.  Very much like myself.  And for who I have become, I wouldn't change a thing of what I went through.

Happy Tuesday