Yesterday I went on a photo shoot. I wanted a little help so I invited Aspen. Avery quickly jumped on board. I don't usually bring my kids unless I need them and when I do, they "assist" and I pay them a flat fee. If they do better then I will add at 'tip'.
They have both been helpful in the past, but having more than one at a time is not the best recipe.
We started out strong. They were excited to help and they were doing a good job. But then they started doing what kids do; they got bored, or frustrated and decided to check out mentally. I could see them going down.
Pretty soon it was more of a "mom/child" situation than a 'photographer/assistant' situation and I was getting frustrated.
Then I realized I didn't put them in the right frame of mind to be professional and forget for just a few hours that I am mom.
I came home and was watching a show with Chris about restaurants in trouble and they were talking about the staff in this one particular restaurant. They mentioned how the bartender is great, but sometimes she uses her work as a therapy session. And the main waiter was great, but he'd been there so long, he treated the place as it was his own, and did whatever he wanted....
One thing that could keep these people at the top of their game is their "frame of mind".
I have had a few of those adjustments in my life. I remember as a kid, I was in love with my history teacher, and one day he said something that absolutely humiliated me. He used me (a 12 year old girl) as the butt of one of his jokes and I was perfectly mortified. I didn't want to go back to his class EVER!!
And as I sat in my misery, I remember thinking, "I'm a student. It's just my job to learn. He is just my teacher". So with that, I walked back into the class every day until the year was over.
It wasn't easy, because I was so embarrassed. But when I realized my place - the focus of my attention shifted dramatically, and I was able to be successful.
There is a balance to everything. If you are a bartender, then yes, talking is your job but the goal is to make it more about the customer than you. After all, they are paying for their drinks, right?
And as a waiter, you can 'own' the place in your mind; but you can do it within guidelines and do it respectfully.
As for my girls, I let them know that I'm not "mom" when shooting. I'm their boss.
Now, I agree they are too young to get it, but they are in training. They are really quite good as helpers (and totally adorable to boot),but it is going to take reinforcements over the years for them to 'get it'. And that is okay. You have to start somewhere. And they do give their best. I just need to be a better boss.
When it comes to my photography, I go into 'work' mode. I don't have kids, I have a job to get done. I'm not a wife, I am a photographer. I'm in a relationship with my client and my job is to give them everything they want, and hopefully a little more. I will come back to "mom" and "wife" after my job is done.
I realized how serious I was about this years ago, when I was shooting my brothers and their wives. My sister in law watched me direct everyone around and she looked at me a little perplexed and she said, "You CHANGE when you are shooting". Very interesting observation from someone very close. I didn't really think about it before then. But the truth is; it's necessary.
Imagine if I was in a photo session with you, and I stop to answer my phone to discuss dinner with hubby? Or stop and walk my child to the bathroom and give them a snack. When I'm on someone elses dime. It doesn't happen!
It's a frame of mind and a work ethic.
We all have that choice, but sometimes we blur the lines or aren't clear on our roles.
I've worked jobs and I have blurred the lines. And I paid the price.
It's natural for us to want to be heard and make things about "us". And for the most part, there is a place for that, and it's okay. But more often than not; it's NOT about us and we just need to do what needs to get done.
I came into a bridal shower many years ago when I was younger and I was completely distraught because I had just gotten bad news. I could barely contain my tears. I had a friend tell me, "If you can't get it together, you need to leave. This day is NOT about you!!"
Now, she wasn't being rude. I remember thinking at that time, "Well, the NERVE!!!!" But she was right. My heavy heart and tears was going to pull the focus from the bride (Happiest time of her life) to me, (sad depressed and needy). It wasn't the place for me to be. Thankfully, I pulled myself together. But I'm forever thankful for that harsh reality. It gave me the ability to look at situations and be present.
We all need a checker sometimes. I'm glad I have been surrounded by strong people who aren't afraid to tell me like it is. The byproduct of that is I have become the same way.
Check yourself people!!!
Happy Monday!
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