Taking Score

I am about to throw myself under the bus big time!!!  But I need some feedback to I'm putting this out there.......

I suck as a parent.

Ever feel that way?

Yesterday was Aspen's birthday.  She was gone all day with friends and then to dance.  So I dropped her at 10:30 and didn't see her until 8:30 last night.

I spent the day with Avery.  We had a really nice time (or so I thought).

We went to the Spectrum and had lunch at Cheesecake factory; just me and her.  I was telling her during lunch how moments like this were extremely rare for me as a child; Being one of five kids, I practically never got one on one time with my parents.  And when I did, it felt a little awkward, because I never knew what to say to my parents.  (No surprise when you don't spend much time with them).

I told her about a time my dad woke me up and said, "Let's go take pictures".  We went to Santiago Oaks Park and then we went to the top of Nohl Ranch Road to get pictures of the view. 

It was a big deal......

Avery said, "Well, we are only two kids, so it's easier for you". I told her that was true.  But times are totally different now.  Nowadays we don't have a choice BUT to get to know our kids, because the way kids are raised nowadays is totally different.  Back when I was a kid (yes, I said it again), kids practically raised themselves.  They went off to play with their friends and they got their by bike, skateboard, or feet!!!  Parent's didn't really drop kids off like they do nowadays.

There was very little parents HAD to do compared to today.

My point was, she was lucky to have one on one time with me and I was really enjoying our one on one time because we haven't done that in a really long time!!!

I truly think she was unfazed....  But that is okay.  I knew how special it was and we were having a good time.

After lunch, we did a little bit of shopping.  We got special nail polish and little fun things we can take on our trip.

After that, we came home and chilled out for the afternoon and later went to the park so she could ride her bike and I could walk the dogs.

As Aspen was dancing until 8, we had her present ready to go at the table;  Avery helped me put it together.  The first think she noticed and said to me was, "Why does Aspen get a bag for her present and I didn't?"

Apparently this is a big deal....

I told her I was reusing a bag from HER birthday! 

Just so you know, I think Avery got the store bag.  Aspen got a gift bag.

And this is where I suck as a parent.

I talked about this a little bit last week, but now that the pie is in my face I am looking at it in hindsight (where I seem to live my life).

Truth is; if Chris didn't press me to get them gifts to hand them ON their birthday; then it wouldn't happen.  Because in my mind, you get the presents when the party happens.  As they were having two parties, I had to chances to 'gift' them.

But apparently in Chris' house they gave a hoot and they were celebrated ON their birthdays.

However, it wasn't enough to celebrate them on their birthdays.....a bag would have made it SO MUCH BETTER!!!

Now, I'm one of two girls.  And I believe my sister did a lot of comparing when we were growing up.  She was really good at taking score.  I think I recall her wanting to send a note to our parents about getting 'cheated' at Christmas.

Kids just compare.

What else do they have to do?  Their world is so small and they have such limited information they need to worry about that when it comes to their parties and their gifts, they are cleaning house and taking names.

I'm pretty certain I have scarred my children in regards to their birthdays.  But I DID remind Avery that Aspen did NOT have a one on one lunch and afternoon with me and I thought that was pretty special. 

Though she listened, I could tell she didn't care.

I must remember this.

And though I'm not saying I should make sure they get whatever they want; I SHOULD remember that they are taking score. 

I apologized to Avery for sucking as her mother.  But I told her I'm not perfect.  And that though she didn't get a bag, it doesn't mean I don't love her.  It's just not my thing.

I love when my birthday is a big surprise, so you would think I would embellish that on others.  But my brain does not really compute when it comes to parties and celebrations.  I have blogged about this before.

But I can work on something.   At least making them feel a little more special; like the world is a better place with them here.  Because it is.

From a sucky parent,
Happy Thursday