Ever have dreams that are like, "WHOA...where'd THAT come from?
Apparently I am angry and taking it out on small children. Only not my own. And none that I see very often. I was just unhappy with everything in my dream. It was really weird and really random.
And the stuff I was getting angry over was just the stupidest stuff.
Though I would like my dreams analyzed, I'm not sure I would be happy with what I heard. And I am not sure I would buy into it.
But have you ever had a dream that you still 'feel' when you wake up???
I remember one time I had a dream I saw my husband with another woman. I woke up and I literally punched him. In his sleep he said, "What was that for?" I said, "You cheated on me!" He simply said, "You're weird" and went back to sleep!
Such is my life.
I'm guessing I know where it came from. I have had a lot on my mind; and recently I had a conversation with a friend how I yelled in front of a bunch of people. It really bothered me, because in my mind, I wasn't so loud, but in hers I was. And as I don't totally remember all the details; the fact that she could be right didn't set well with me at all.
My biggest fear is yelling and making an ass out of myself. And as my patience level is less than stellar, I tend to lose it some times. But I try so hard not to.
This recent conversation didn't set well with me. So I think it settled into my dreams, because I was either yelling at kids (in a group) or having an argument with a small child who was being difficult (yes I blame her).
Isn't it funny how our mind processes stuff.
I have realized that my inability to 'call it on the spot' causes me to process every angle of a discussion before I can make a decision.
This drives my husband crazy.
One day he asked what I wanted to eat. (we were out and about). I told him I didn't know. Then he got frustrated and he said, "You can NEVER make a decision..." So I let him have it...
I said, "Well, it's not that I don't have something in mind, it's just that I know that you and I don't like the same sort of food, so I was wondering if I wanted to contemplate a drive through - which I don't think you would want - or a sit down place. And as I know you don't like places like Denny's, I am wondering, based on the direction we are going, what will be in our path. And I'm not sure if you are in the mood for sushi, a steak or just a burger, so I'm trying to figure out a few options before I pick a place to eat. And in the end, it won't really matter, because no matter what I choose your response to me will inevitably be, "Well we COULD go 'there' ....or we can go HERE", and you will choose the place anyways, so I'm no quite sure what to say!!!"
He fell silent.
Though it looks like nothing is going on in my head, I'm more a little "whack" than people think. I'm always in my head, analyzing and over analyzing. I just don't voice it very often, because most of it is boring to others.
My sister always thought I was funny and she was anxious to introduce me to her friends. And she was always bewildered when I had no personality in front of new people. It's like I was a dog, and I was supposed to perform a trick or something.
She asked why I was so reserved in front of new people. I finally told her; "I don't know them, their personality, or if they can handle the barrage of F-bombs that may come flying out of my mouth. So I reserve myself until I know they can handle me and will show up for seconds..." I'm not sure she ever really understood that.
I am very reserved with new people and I appropriate myself to their personality. Because truth be told.... a truckers mouth isn't invited everywhere.
But I still slip.
I'm only human.
So, that said, I will be "feeling" my dream for a while until I can let it go. It will bother me, but there is nothing I can do about it, but apologize (in my mind) to those I yelled at. And in truth, I'm looking at the scenarios wondering how I could have handled it better.........in my dream......
Could be a long day.
Happy Saturday
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