Communication

Communication can effectively make or break a relationship, yet it is most over looked because most people can't seem to get the words out in a way that will work for them.

I was watching a show yesterday where a woman was feeling verbally beaten down by her husband.  I watched as the two sat up on stage, his demeanor confident because he felt that he was there to help his wife.  The wife's demeanor was exactly the opposite.  She sat there, hunched over eyes mostly to the ground, clearly waiting for the beating of her life.  She was going to actually have to speak her truth in front of the host, the husband and the audience.

As I watched her struggle to get her words out part of me felt bad, and the other part was angry.  I wanted to give her the verbal lashing she really needed to hear!

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF GIRL, YOU ARE ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN!!!!

There are very few times I want to jump through the TV and throttle someone; yesterday was one of those days.

Now, I don't know why she married this shlub, but she'd been married to him for 10 years and he apparently had his heels dug into her.  He was upset that she had gained weight over the years and was telling her what to eat and how to workout.

Now, as I sit there watching them, so many questions came to my mind.  Having lost my weight I had to deal with some issues along the way.  If this girl had gained 65 lbs over the 10 years of her relationship....what happened???

There were so many issues sitting on that stage, it would have taken a while to sift through and get to  the root (which he was only a part of it). 

This poor girl had some serious issues and confidence problems that lead to her weight gain.  But in my opinion, her inability to communicate is one of the bigger issues.

My kids get upset when hubby and I fight.  And I know, I know, we shouldn't fight in front of them.  But for that to happen, we would have to move the kids out sometimes!  We have strong opinions and neither of us backs down.   It's like two pit bulls sometimes!  (okay...not really. It just sounded funny to me).

I have explained to my kids on many occasions that they do not always get along as sisters, and they do not always agree with their friends and daddy and I don't always agree either. 

But at least we talk it out and get past it, which is the most important thing.

I knew a couple who was taken aback when they saw me and hubby get into a disagreement.  They never had moments like that.  ..........

.......and eventually their relationship ended.......

No one knows what is going on in your head.  (sometimes we do thank God for that I know!).  But if something this bothering you, it is so important to talk through it and get past it.

If you are "stuffing" your feelings, other things tend to happen.  You could displace your emotions and take it out on some poor undeserving soul, or something else can happen.

With this girl on the show, I believe her weight is a symptom of her bad marriage.  Her husband doesn't appreciate who she is and wants her to change, yet he can't effectively communicate it.  And all she wants to hear from him is I love you no matter what.  But she isn't getting it.

Thankfully on the show he got slammed a bit and put in his place.  But the bottom line is this poor couple needs therapy and lots of it.

Relationships aren't perfect.  Me, having been with the same man for 16 years, we have had our ups and downs and I'm sure we aren't done.  But we do take time to get our thoughts out of our heads.  And we come back to them until we finish them.  Sometimes it isn't done in one fell swoop.  Sometimes it takes chipping away.   And I think we are pretty good chippers.

If you feel something....say it.  No one can change how you feel, but they can change how they react to you.

Happy Tuesday