Control

Twelve years ago today I lost my dad.

It's amazing how fast time passes and it's amazing that it feels like yesterday.


So much has happened in the years he passed.  He had 6 additional granchildren he never got to meet; two of them mine..... 

I know we aren't supposed to live forever, but wouldn't it be nice if we could have a little planning here???  I mean, this "no control" stuff really sucks.

But what if we did have control?  Complete control?  What would you do with it?  How long would you live and how would you plan your life?

You would have to make sure that "your plans" were in alliance with everyone else's, because if we all had complete control, we'd still have to consult!

Clearly, countries don't know what to do with their control, which is why we have wars!  Communications are completely broken down and the only way to gain control is to kill a million innocent people.

And people who have control of their lives don't always manage them well.  Some people down right blow it!

The truth is we have to surrender to the fact that we have no control.   But how you do that is entirely up to you!

This, in my opinion, is where faith comes in.

If I had my say, my dad would be here now.  He would be traveling with my mom and they would be enjoying their retirement.

But I don't have say.  I have faith.

The day my dad died, I was sad.  I was by his side with my sister and my mom.  I will never forget that powerful feeling.  He was sick and he needed to leave us and we knew it.  We didn't like it but we knew it.

I felt from that day on, that my dad was with me.  In that I know I am blessed, because some people feel nothing but a void.  And I have many voids in my life.  But in this case, I have never felt alone.

I know he is with me and I know he sees my girls.  I know he laughs when Avery gives it to me, because that was me!  I know he is proud of the dancing ballerina Aspen is becoming, because he never had that with any of us.

I have to know this in my heart.  Because if I believed our relationship ended at his death....I too, would have died.

Happy Thursday