Scars and Seeds

I look back on my life and many things define who I am.  Good, bad, ugly...they are all me.

I know I have said it before, but I think it bears repeating; your history defines you.  It is you.  It is your every decision, your every thought, your every fear.

I have had a couple of interesting days.  On Friday, I worked with a fascinating guy who was as complex yet simple as a dish of spaghetti.  To the eye, he was everything I thought I knew.

But his ingredients were what made him special and unique.  Just as we all are.

We talked about psychology and how our thoughts - or rationalizations, our reality, as it were - are not "fact"...they are a process of our experiences.

One story can be defined a million different ways.  Same situation....a million interpretations.  Just like a recipe.  They are all basically the same, yet so very different. 

My interaction with him spurred my thoughts of my life as I met with an old friend this weekend - and of course, made me think (shocker, I know).

I have known my friend for just about 30 years now.  He knew me "then".  He is a testament to my existence, my history.  He is my history.  He was my first boyfriend.  (before rumors start, this was for business). In my world at a young age, he was my future, my everything.  But as young love is....it didn't work out (shocker again).  He had a fling with my best friend.  My world was shattered.  Everything I was, everything that defined me at that age was gone.

It was a lesson early on; trust no one.

But as the years went on, the wounds began to heal.  And the relationships with "ex" boyfriend and "ex' best friend rekindled.  Life is too short to hold on to such grudges.  (I've heard it said youth is wasted on the young....you are "old" when you realize its truth)

Had I held on to the grudges and the hurts, I would have missed out on so much.

Now, just to qualify; many events happened and many conversations to heal the hurts.  It didn't happen over night.  It happened because my soul needed it to.  I would have been held in a holding pattern unless I was able to let go and move forward. And it took many years and kind efforts on all parts.

As I sat with my friend last night and we reminisced, I realize my life was made richer from these very sad experiences.  Still apologies were spoke, but they weren't necessary.  Youth is truly wasted on the young, however youth is necessary to acquire true and deep appreciation.....as long as that is what you are looking for.

Like any recipe; your ingredients can create an awful catastrophe.  But it can also create an amazing delicacy.  You can always adjust ingredients to balance out the strong or negative tastes.  But you have to want to.  If you just throw away the pot because you feel it has been blown, you give up on the possibility of what could be.

Had I cast away any dealings with these people, I would have missed out on so much.

I had a great night.  I was so grateful I let the ingredients simmer and meld together.  I felt the joy of my forgiveness and the richness of my life.  Today we are friends.

I know people who can't let go.  Or don't have the benefit of reciprocation.  And I know it can leave an awful taste in your "recipe" of life.  And I know all "recipes" can't be saved.

And though it all didn't happen over night.  It did happen.  My history has defined me in a way that I am grateful for. 

However, that said, I will pray my children never suffer such pain.

A mom is a mom is a mom......

Happy Sunday!