Summer fun.....?

I'm up early this morning.  Totally don't want to be.  But I am.

Lately, I have been falling asleep later.  Not sure why.  I lay down to sleep, and I'm not tired.  But I am hard pressed to get up in the mornings.

I have found that when I first wake up, I need to just get up. But I don't.  I linger in bed, as if it's gonna get any better and I am going to wake up any more.  It just doesn't happen.  I just get more frustrated with the fact that I can't bounce out of bed with boundless energy.

I usually coax myself out with all the stuff of the day to be done.  Still; it doesn't make me happy.

The funny thing is, I do believe I'm a morning person.  I'm just always missing my cues.  When I do get up early, I love the smell in the air, the fact that the evening dark is fading away to morning light, the quiet...I love it all.  I just usually end up sleeping through it.

I think because it's summer, I'm more resistant to what I have to do.  Trained early on that summers are "free" is a real mistake in raising children.  Adults don't get to take 3 month vacations; why should kids? (Am I sounding like a grouchy adult???)

In some ways, I get the whole year round school thing.  Give kids a few longer vacations throughout the year, rather than one big one in the summer.  It's easier on those who have to work and it trains the kids that reality when you are an adult is the same as when you were a kid.

But now, that I sit here, at 6:15, having to get ready for work while my kids sleep, is making me a bit....well, bitter.

I'm ready to quit my job and take a 3 month vacation.  Why not, right?  Oh..ya....bills..... :(

So many times I look back at my parents and I remember things they said that blew my mind.  And suddenly now, they make sense.  It hurts my heart that it makes sense now.  Because now I have to train my children in the same lessons. 

Is there an easy transition from child to adult?  If there is, I'd like to know it.  Because as I sit here, I want to put on my rollerblades and go to the beach and ride the strand.  It's summer time, right?

But instead, I have to eat breakfast, put on makeup, get the kids ready, drop them at their summer camp and go to work. 

My heart actually feels heavy today.  Not that I don't like my job.  I'm very fortunate that I get to do what I do.  But that my early training life told me that summers are "free". 

I guess I have been reflecting a lot lately.  Can't help myself.  When the kid in me wants to come out, and I have to tell it to stay in...it's not a win/win.

That said, I'm going to make the best of my day and take advantage at every turn.  The beach will still be there tonite, so.....who knows????

Happy Tuesday!