Carpet Stains

A friend of mine went to marriage counseling once and conveyed a story that stuck with me.  She said, sometimes marriage is like a Persian carpet.  When you look at the carpet, it's beautiful, intricate, colorful.  But sometimes, there is a stain.   And sometimes it is hard to see the beauty, when all you focus on is the stain.  What she meant was you can't see the marriage for the good, only the bad elements.

I guess because it was a visual comment, it stuck with me.  I like stories that tie meanings together.   I don't remember details, but I remember how I felt.  I'm weird that way.

But, back to the stain.......

Marriages ebb and flow, just like all relationships.  There are times you are madly in love (I hope) and times you just can't stand each other.  There are times that communication is effortless, and other times you dare not even say "Hi".

But a good relationship stays the course until the good times come around again. 

Right now, I feel like we are kind of in the middle somewhere.  I have been so busy, and Chris has been so busy that we have disconnected a bit.  We definitely have to pull back together - and we will.

But, lately, it's been a struggle, because the connection is weaker than it should be, so communication is a bit forced.  However, the effort is there on both parts (right babe???) and we are trying.

Lately, we have been trying (together) to keep the house in good order, like when the Norwegians were here.  I came home last night and Chris had picked up the kitchen (which was like a breath of fresh air).  He let me know he put my cereal away (I'm notorious for cutting and running....when I'm done with something it stays where I left it). 

I wasn't in the best mood, so I said, "Oh....okay....well, I turned off all your lights when you fell asleep last night!"  BAM!  The competition is on!  We are looking at the stain on the carpet!

I was a bit irritated, because I DID finish the girls bathroom, and was quite pleased that at least one item was marked off the list.  I was riding the crest of the wave.

But he ripped me out of the water and brought me back to the reality that the bathroom is a speck of dust in a dust storm and that more has to be done.  I didn't want to go there yet. 

Communication is imperative in a relationship.  It is the water to the plant that you want to live.  But, communication is an art.  And for men, it's a real tough thing, because when they say something to a woman, who is so filled with emotions and hormones, he doesn't know whether he's entering paradise, or a war zone.  And the same comment can go either way, depending on the mental state of the recipient.

I feel sorry for guys.  I know for Chris he practically ducks for cover after he says something, even though he thinks it's a nice comment.

Thankfully, he's a resilient person, and he always comes back to the point until it is settled.  That makes a big difference.  I remember one time in particular, I went into shut down mode, and he followed me through the house until we finished our  ummmmm....... discussion????

Dr. Phil says he can predict a divorce based on certain things, one of which is how you finish an argument.  You MUST finish your argument and not leave it "hanging".  It must be resolved. 

For non-communicators, this is very difficult.  And if you are a non communicator and your marriage is failing, it's time to start opening up more about your feelings.  It isn't easy, but it is worth it in the end.  To be able to look at your other half, and know, without reservation, how you feel about each other.

Though I don't always want to finish arguments, I realize the importance of it.  And I am thankful to Chris for making this happen.  He usually makes me laugh when all is said and done, which removes the stain.  He is a funny guy, I'm thankful for that too! 

We aren't perfect, but we do water our garden and we do stain removals too.   :)

Happy Friday!!!