San Diego

We had such a nice day yesterday with family.  I broke away to head down to San Diego to see my Aunt & Uncle (and Godparents), and cousins.  My brother and his family and sister and her family all packed in our cars for the visit. 

I love my family, because getting together is an easy thing.  We make the call, they set it up and down we go.  It's a very welcoming feeling. 

From the time I got my drivers license, I headed south to San Diego.  I don't know why, but I just knew when I got my car, I was gonna "never" be home.  And so it was. 

Back then, there were no cell phones.  You had to pull the car over and put a coin in the machine to make a call. 

I would usually stop somewhere off the 8 freeway, and call my mom and ask Aunt Mary's # - to which my mom would ask (her 16 yr old daughter), "Where are you?"  I would say, "San Diego"........  and then she would give me the #, shocked that I had traveled so far on my own. 

Every time I called Aunt Mary, I was down the street from her house, or would just pop in to her work.  She always welcomed me no matter what!  What a great feeling to have a place to go and know you will have someone there for you!

A few years ago, I called my aunt Mary from my house.  Uncle Frank answered the phone and his first question was, "Where are you?"  I said, "Home."  He said, "OH....." and then he put Aunt Mary on the phone and she said, "Where are you?"  I said, "Why do you guys ask me that?"  She said, "Because every time you call you are around the corner from here."  I laughed out loud.  I didn't realize I created this Pavlov's dog affect.  The phone rings and the niece comes!  LOL

So yesterday sitting with Aunt Mary and Uncle Frank was a great day as always.  And my cousin, so gracious in opening her home to 17 additional people AND FEEDING US....  Love her! 

She and I are the same.  If someone wants something to happen, we get "picked" to put it together.  Because we are the ones who will actually pick up the phone, instead of just thinking about it.  (a running joke in our family).

As I sat by the pool and watched all the kids frolic in the water, I couldn't help but revel in the memories these moments are creating.  24 people all sitting together or playing and having a great time.  My hot cousin Frank even showed up with his beautiful daughter Jess.  He's a rare visit, but he made a special effort, to which I was grateful!  (I have had an undeniable crush on the man for as long as I can remember!)  My mom finds it humorous! 

During our visit, I listen to my mom talking to her sister and brother in law about the old days and old friends who have made an impact on their lives.  I see the nostalgia in their eyes.  I see and hear the sense of 'home' in their conversations.  It makes me wonder if my sister and I will have the same thing.....

We ended the night just before dark.   It felt like an abrupt ending.  But the truth is, we could be there for a week and it would still feel abrupt.  We love these people and the visits are always so pleasant and fun!

On the drive home, I see how these trips affect my mom.  The nostalgia sets in as does her sense of time.  It's a heavy feeling that radiates off of her.  I know how she feels.  My dad is gone, and his contribution to the conversations would have been immense. As well as the tension levels during some discussions. 

When you think of someone who is no longer here, it stops you in your tracks sometimes.   That "should have been" feeling comes seeping in.  It's a blessing and a curse.  The blessing is he was so loved that his absence is felt.  A curse, of course, for his absence.....

I try to keep the conversation light on the way home (talking about my hot cousin - as my mom gets a kick out of this), but the emotion looms in the car like a weight bearing down on our chests.  I know there is nothing I can do to turn this around too much, so we turned on music to fill our minds.  It was a nice enough car ride home, but one filled with recollections and what ifs.

After I drop mom at home with lots of love and kisses, I come home to see Mo at the computer.  Chris took the older kids to a movie (at 10pm) and Mo and I sat (in my office) chatting the night away.  Clearly the nostalgia has set in on her as well. 

It's moments like this, you realize your mortality and take stock in your life.  These are very important moments.  Many people do this, but don't acknowledge where their melancholy is coming from.  We are not those people, ours is on the surface.  We are Mesaros'!

My sister and I have not always gotten along, but we do have a connection.   The connection is the family unit from where we came.  We acknowledge what we had and where we came from and that connection is like no other.  From there, we have the foundation of the tumultuous childhood from which we came.  That connection is deep.

As we sit and chat, I reflect back on the day , look at my sister - and realize....we are our mom and her sister.....  with just a bit less experience..... I couldn't help but smile.....

Happy Thursday!