How much?

I gotta say, I still feel like I'm decompressing from all the dance schedules, shooting schedules, visitors schedules etc.....  I got to have some girls sleepover for my kids and I kept looking at my watch like, "Isn't there something I had scheduled today???"  It was a very weird thing to have my arms hanging as long as each other with nothing to get in their way.

I did the same thing yesterday as I got in the car with the girls and "grandpa" to go to L.A.  I was a PASSENGER!!!  It was such a delight to not have any control over where we were going! 

He toured us through L.A. and where he used to work and told us how old some of the building were (some of which as a banker at the time, he helped finance!).  He saw many of the building get built.  FASCINATING.

We landed at the Natural History Museum.  We went to the California Science Center and we also toured through his Alma Mater, USC.

I got a chuckle out of it, because the things that were so poignant to him held less interest to the girls.  As we approached "Tommy Trojan", grandpa walked purposefully in 'his' direction, while the girls were looking over their shoulders at a man made geyser, with water shooting out of the ground.  Grandpa practically had to grab them by their hair (well an exaggerated visual in my mind) to get them to stand in front of Tommy for a photo op!  Gpa stood proud with his girls to take a picture.  What a great sight, indeed!

Oh, and yes...the girls got their picture with the water too......

We had such a great day, I feel like my summer has finally started.  This week is the girls birthday week, and I really want to focus my extra time on spending it with them.

However, as life would have it, things get thrown into your path. 

I was recently asked to do something on the weekend, and from the second I heard the request, my heart sank.  How do I say no?  It's a special request for someone who is sick.  Normally, my heart wouldn't hesitate to say yes...but this time it did.

I said yes initially, but the nagging inside me wouldn't go away.  I didn't want to lose this weekend that I had so looked forward to.  A weekend of complete freedom to do with my family as I wish. 

How do you know when too much is too much?

For me, it is a tough call, because this person who asked me would not hesitate to do anything for me.   And she is asking me to do something for someone under very special circumstances. 

But at this time, I feel like I am at a crossroads of self (and family) preservation and if I say yes, I am getting in the way of my own family, which is where I need to cross the line (even though I feel like I'm going to hell for making this decision).  The guilt will eat at me all day, I'm sure.

But when I got out of bed this morning, I pretty much leapt to the computer to send her an email.  I guess I moved pretty fast, because my husband came out and said, "What's wrong?"  Clearly, he knows me well!

I always tell my members that we have to listen to our bodies.  There is a physical cue that happens inside your body when there is an adverse reaction to something you don't feel is right.  It's there in all of us, but most tend to ignore or stuff it.

I tried to stuff it.  I tried......but the nagging overtook me.  If I'm not there mentally, I won't do a good job.  I gave up my last weekend to clean a house, and it overtook my whole weekend with sadness.  I really need this weekend to focus on joy and focus on my children for their birthdays.

Sometimes it sucks having to make these decisions.  And sometimes it sucks more than others.  Today is one of those days.  But I can't deny the nagging in my body that is saying I need to focus on my family this weekend.  They are always the first to get pushed off, and it's time to turn it around!

Hopefully, hell can wait another day for me.

Happy Thursday!