Life’s Lessons in the dark….

 Reposting this one as it got lost in the shuffle and a few people hadn't seen it.  My Sunday (Today) post is right after this one.  Sorry for the confusion.  Blogger apparently dropped the ball.

In the past two days I have gotten terrible news.  My friends father passed away.  On the coat tails of that news,  I found out my sister in laws nephew, a child I have known since he was a baby, was shot down while walking home, unprovoked.  The news was so heavy, my heart was broken.

In the face of bad news, I tend to emotionally shut down. I am sure it is a preservation response for if I were to actually feel all the pain I was going through, I would collapse for sure.

As it was I could tell I was shallow breathing and it felt like a weight was sitting upon my chest, because I couldn't breathe in deep enough no matter how I tried.

I decided I needed to run to clear my head and bring me to a place of being able to cope.

Within the first half mile, I looked down to find a dead hummingbird in my path.  I stopped, wondering why it was there.  In my path.  I took a moment and buried it in a shallow grave, said a prayer and ran on.  My mind swirled with crazy thoughts.

I can't help but think about my own mortality at times like this.  I question my decisions in my life, if it were over now, what legacy would I have left? What would someone do with all my stuff?  Why do I have so much stuff?

As I continue my run, I turn the corner and lo and behold...another dead bird.  This one is a crow.  Now I feel the universe is really trying to tell me something, but I am not sure I can hear it, because my head is still swirling.  I pass this bird, too sad to stop and think of burying yet another, so I press on.

As I go under the tunnel, I arrive at the place I know will bring me solace.  The dirt path.  As I emerge from the tunnel I am met with a new world.  Flowers abound from every angle.  Yellow and white surround me.  Down low, up hi and all around as if to say, you don't have any worries here.

As I run past the flowers they hang into the path as if to offer me high fives along the way.  But I don't dare mar their beauty, so I just run past; admiring their beauty and the peace they offer me.

Then it occurs to me, these flowers are offering me a solution.  A new understanding.  All the answers are right here.

I can instantly see that the path is my journey.  The road is my life.  I see beauty, I see thorns.  I see dirt and I see blue sky. 

The thorns represent the troubles in our lives. 

They are surrounded by the beautiful flowers which represent the good times.  Sometimes the thorns seem so overwhelming, almost bearing down on us.  But if we just shift our perspective, ever so slightly, we can see the beauty through the thorns.

But sometimes it’s hard to change perspective.  When you are so filled with pain, the thorns seem like that is all there is.  And we forget to realize that life is a never ending circle.  I stare at the thorns realizing my pain and the pain of my family and friends.  I shift to the right and though I still see the thorns, they are less prevalent.  It is a reminder to me that the pain will never go away, but it will lessen with time.

I realize as I continue my run that my mind is putting this all together for my comfort and clarity.  I do believe the answers are all around us, if we can keep our hearts open to it.

On the final leg of the dirt trail, I see something that intrigues me.  It’s a row of what looks like Queen Anne’s lace growing tall, towering over the flowers on the path, as if to be saints in heaven, watching over all the people.  Not prominently visible….but definitely there.  Always watching over. 

I couldn’t help but take pause and realize the irony of what I’m seeing.  True, it may just be a story I am making up.  But I feel at peace in my heart as it all comes together, so I don’t care. 

And as I’m coming through the tunnel on my way back home, I’m stopped in my tracks by what I see.  It almost brings me to tears.  I see a woman with her toddler.  She represents my new beginning.  I ask her if I can take a picture of her for my “story” and she gladly obliges. 

Afterwards she said, “So, what’s it for?”  I told her that she is the most significant part of my story.  We’ve lost loved ones recently, and she represents my new beginning.  I forward her the picture as I have taken them all on my phone. 

I was supposed to work out at the gym.  But something was calling me outside.  And I’m so thankful I listened to my soul.  It needed this.  Life gets really hard sometimes.  And sometimes it is too dark to see the or hear the messages that will help us.  But I do believe when your heart is open and your eyes are ready to see, you can put together your own story.  And remember….when the thorns are staring you in the face….you always have the option…when you are ready, to move ever so slightly to see the beauty all around.

What’s your perspective?