Lashing out and recovery....

Have you ever snapped at someone who didn't deserve it.
Or lashed out at someone less fortunate than you?

Have you ever realized later that it had nothing to do with them, but all about you?

The other day my daughter told me that on their bus ride home, one of the girls made a 'fat' picture of a boy and handed it over to the not so skinny boy on the bus.

I know this boy and I really like him. He is a funny kid. We had some laughs last year when he and Aspen were in the same class. So my heart was sad.

It just so happens that this girl is someone whose parents put pressure on her to be 'perfect', which is a huge message of 'we will love you IF'.

So, I am not surprised to hear that this girl is acting this way. However, I believe this backfired as the boy sat, hanging his head, and as a result, the girl didn't seem proud of herself.

I explained to Aspen that when someone feels bad about themselves, they want to draw attention elsewhere, so no one is looking at them.

I also explained to her that she can expect plenty of this in middle school next year, and not to partake. (oh how I wish I could protect my childs little heart.)

Sometimes we do terrible things. And sometimes we aren't aware why. More often than not our frustrations or fears are at the bottom of our lashing out.

Many times when we are screaming about the house, or the toilet seat being up, it has nothing to do with that. It's usually just the last straw of a series of other issues.

I know I fall prey to it myself, when I am sitting at my computer, trying to get something done, and my girls come up with issues or complaints. Depending on my frustration level with my work, is how I will respond to their needs. The more frantic I am with work, the more angry I become with them. It is simple displacement. I am displacing my anger onto them, instead of looking at them with clear eyes, giving them the attention they deserve. It's not fair.

But....it is what it is.

When hubby comes home, snapping from the second he walks in the door...I know something is up. And it has nothing to do with me. Thankfully, over the years of being together, I can respond properly. Sometimes it is just giving him space. Sometimes it is calling him to the carpet.

In either case, my response makes all the difference in how the night goes. If I identify it correctly...it's all good. But that isn't always an easy task.

Emotions are like balls of spaghetti, with a sesame seed in the middle. You have to find the sesame see without breaking any of the noodles. It can be pretty tricky sometimes.

It is worth taking the time to figure it out, but it definitely takes effort and awareness, and a lot of time.

So, the next time you find yourself 'giving it' to someone else, who is staring at you with a horrified look on your face.....check yourself at the door, and ask....what's really going on.

Happy Saturday.