hmphhhhhh

Yesterday I had a discussion with my daughter.  It appears from her perspective, I have some improvements to make.  I’m falling short on promises and not giving them enough of my time.

I had mentioned that we might scrapbook 'soon'.  Maybe Wednesday, is what I said.  At 7pm (one hour before bedtime), when we finally got home and my younger daughter came bouncing in and said, "Let's scrapbook!".  I told her it was too late, and they had to get ready for bed. 

You may as well have smacked her upside the head with a 2x4, because this was NOT okay!  She called me a liar, since I had promised.  She didn’t understand or care that she spent her day on two separate play dates and ‘played’ her scrapbooking chances away.

I realize more and more, how important dialog is at these times.  However, when a child is screaming at you, isn't the best time to...let's say.....chat?

So, the evening went, and my kids went to bed disappointed.  -To say the least.

The next day while driving them from school to each of their appointments, I had the necessary discussion to clear the air.  As my daughter told me that I have no time for them - that I am always in front of my computer "working", she wished I would spend more time doing the things I "promised" and less time in my office.

It is very hard for my kids to understand that when I am home, I am not "free" to do what I wish.  As a photographer, the work comes after the sessions - in the form of many hours of work - while at home - while they kids are there - it has to be done - they don't understand this.

I proceeded to tell my daughter that she is lucky, because my job(S) are flexible and allow me to work, make a little money AND.....(drum roll please) afford them the luxury of dance, and the lifestyle they have so easily become accustomed to. 

I told her it is because I work at my computer, that I can "be home" with them, even though I'm not sitting on their laps while here.

I was so sad, that my kids' perception is that of a mother (and father) who don't have time with them.  They don't understand that we spend more time with them than so many parents I know.  And that we are so much more available to them than they realize. 

By the time I got done telling my daughter the other option (me working 40 hours M-F and no dance for them), my daughter was in tears.  Not my intention, but as I spoke to her, I got a little upset myself.  I was truly hurt. 

We sacrifice so much for our kids (all parents), and they don't....or can't see those sacrifices.  And for that, I have to say, I'm glad.

If kids realized how hard it is to be an adult, and how many sacrifices are necessary, they might not look forward to being a parent.  They might get really bummed.  Or....they might resolve to be more selfish, and never be that way themselves. 

In any way, I believe it's a protective mechanism, and for that I'm thankful.  They should live in bliss for as long as possible.  However....I don't want them thinking I'm a selfish slouch either.  So, I will do my best to talk to them about how hard it is to make some decisions, but we make them out of love and hope that it is the best decision for our family!

They won't get it until they have kids of their own.  But I will continue talking.

Happy Friday!!!  *(And Happy-SAFE Memorial Weekend!!!)