Wigs and Guitars

Last night Chris played the Galaxy Theater in Costa Mesa.  I have been watching him play for 16 years now!  I remember the first time we met, he handed me a "tape" to listen to his music.  "Love 20" was the first song I had heard, and I was impressed.  It was his band and their music. 

Now, looking back at all the incarnations of bands it's kind of funny.  I remember him telling me, "I'm in a band!  I have always been in a band!  I will always be in a band!"  to which I thought, "What a jerk!" 

But as time went on, I understood his emphatic statement.  I watched as girls tried to pull guys from things they loved, only to have something fall to demise.  Usually, the relationship.

His band-love taught me a lot about a lot of things.  First, if you have a passion, you should go with it.  Second, you should never give up your passion for someone else.  And third, having a passion of your own and following it, in a relationship can be part of a solid foundation, if done correctly.

Everything is a balance.  We need to take care of the many aspects of our lives and to have an outlet is golden!  In an earlier post, I wrote about "coping mechanisms".  For some it's food or alcohol, for some it's avoidance or diversions.  But whatever it is, in some form, we do have them.  I know for Chris, it's his music.  And for that, I am thankful!

I have seen some marriages falling apart and it breaks my heart.  I wonder sometimes when the decline of the marriages started and could divorce have been avoided.  And when these things happen, I can't help but reflect on my own marriage.  I think that is normal.  When something happens to someone else, we can't help but turn the mirror to ourselves and ask, "Am I okay?"

And for the many times I have reflected on our relationship (usually with him in the room, shaking his head asking if we have to go through this again), I have been thankful to see that we are okay!

I went to a Catholic wedding a long time ago, and I was shocked to hear the priest say, "The devil will try to come in and put a wedge between you, and you must tell the devil to "Go to HELL".  It was so poignant for me, because I realized that the falling apart of a relationship starts with the tiniest crack.  And if you don't heal the crack, it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger.

Now, no one can predict what will happen in a relationship.  Chris could come home tomorrow and say "it's over!"  (Those would be his last words, but it could happen).

But one thing I realized is that in our relationship, when there is a crack, we try to fix it.  We may argue at times, but more importantly, we hear each other.  And we apologize.  And move on.

I realized that in our relationship, the fact that he has is own life, within our relationship is very important and has probably been a really large component in our marriage.  He has his thing, I have my thing, we have our things and we spend time with each.  To hold someone so closely that they can't have their own life, is to suffocate.  I have seen it happen.  It's awful.  To give each other the freedom to be who they are and live their passion and celebrate them is love. 

Now, I don't want anyone emailing me telling me I'm no authority on marriage, because I will wholeheartedly agree!!  I am NO AUTHORITY ON MARRIAGE.  I'm just an authority on MY marriage!  I love my husband and I am proud of him.  I let him do his thing with his bands!  I watch him put on leather and wear a wig so he can play his part; and I show up to take pictures of him and watch him play. (Even though it is SO not my choice of music).  I know he appreciates me being there.  That is a good thing. And as for the kids, they get to watch it all.    They love that daddy is a "rock star" and they are always excited to see him play. 

Having a passion is great!  Following your passion is better.  Balancing your passion is key!  I end this with what I will call..the picture of the night!

'Nuff Said!