Reflecting Back

As today is my birthday, I can't help but refect back.

This morning my daughter asked is she could stay home. I said, "Why?"  She said, "Because it's your birthday!"  I said, "Well that would be fine, but I'll be at work, because my boss doesn't feel the same way you do!"

I remember as a kids waiting waiting waiting for birthdays come around.  As a kid, those moments are THE big moments in your life.  Everything revolves around your birthday.  It's the day that the world stops and everyone comes around and celebrates YOU!  AND, they all give you gifts!!!  (Okay, so not in my household, but I'm sure somewhere in the world, right?)

I remember as a kid being excited for my mom's birthday and not understanding why she wanted to skip them.  Or why she stopped aging at "29".  What was so magic about that number.  And to this day, we celebrate the anniversary of her 29th birthday, still, to avoid that "B" word!  It actually makes me chuckle.

I do love my birthday, don't get me wrong.  I hope we all do.  It's a great day.  A day to reflect, remember, appreciate, and hope.  However, it's also become a bit like a baton.  It is something I preferred to hand off to my children who deserve it more than I do, because they still treasure it like it's the E-Ticket ride at Disneyland.   I would much rather have a birthday through their eyes.  And maybe we should treat our birthdays with as much ferver as we did as children. 

However, life gets in the way, and we grow up.  The world doesn't stop for us and surround us with birthday gifts from every person we see along the way. 

Not to say that we don't get celebrated.  It's just different.  A little more reflective than outward.  Nowadays, I get a little more embarrassed at the focus.  Almost feeling a bit un-worthy.  However, as I get older, I certainly do appreciate the celebrations a lot more; even if it is only with my own family. 

As I reflect back, there is so much more that I appreciate, only not on the same level as a 10 year old.  I appreciate how far I have come in my life. Things I have overcome.  Friends I have acquired along the way.  I appreciate the richness of life that has nothing to do with money.  But everything to do with love.

That said, it makes me realize things more through my kids' eyes.  And that I should really make efforts to ensure their birthday celebrations are fabulous!  Not big with money, but big with fun.  I can't go  back to my childhood (nor do I want to), but I am literally part of creating theirs.  That is quite the responsibility.

As for mom; I totally get it.  29 is a good year.  But...I was 31 and 33 when I had my kids, so I think I'll defer my "final" birthday choice to a later year. One I haven't chosen yet.  And, possibly will never choose.  To me, life keeps getting richer.  I love deeper, laugh heartier, hug harder, and appreciate oh so much more.   So, I think I will hold on to my baton for a few more years and see what happens.  I'm not quite ready to let that go.....yet.