3am Clarity

The sun is peaking through, signaling a brand new day.  But I'm not ready to greet it yet.  And I'm sitting in the kitchen, which doesn't make sense, right?  Well, it does if you were up at 3am.

For some reason, I was awakened at 3am.  Eyes wide open with a sense of alarm.  It seems that 3am is the time one gets, well, lets just say, "Clarity!"

I can barely function through my days, struggling with what to remember needs to be done.  Yet when I'm up at 3 in the morning, all of a sudden, it all comes at me as clear as day, with a sense of urgency.  As if I have the list right in front of my face.  It's insane!  (Or....how insanity begins).

I tried as hard as I could to get back to bed, but so many things came rushing at me, my mind wouldn't relax.  My mind was reeling with my "To Do's".  I was running through my next 7 days was in my mind.  It's going to be a busy week, and nearly ever minute is planned.  I have taken on extra days of work; which means, I need 2-3 people to help out with my kids and their schedules.  (so yes, it takes 3 of me to replace 1 of me when I'm absent). 
• Did I schedule them all properly, and did I remind them? 
• We are going to the Ren Faire and the kids have nothing to wear, so we need to scrounge up costumes.  
• I have a party to go to which is taking up my whole Saturday,so I really have 6 days this week • Meet at the bank on Monday for Girl Scouts • Lunch meeting • Photo Event Monday Night (confirm girls dance pickup) • Work Tuesday; girls to dance then homework • Work Wednesday til 2 then girls and homework • Work Thursday, pick up kids, tutoring,dance,p/u from tutoring drop Avery at home then to night meeting • Friday, work til noon.  Errands, kids  •

It was all too much swirling in my head; so I got up and walked around.  I made the mistake of looking at my computer, as if it would have some calming affect for me and alas....it did not.  I found one more item to add to my to do list that has the utmost urgency, during the busiest week I have had in about a year.

(So, now at this point, I think to myself, sleep isn't coming.  I might as well, go out and take a jog, with as fast as my heart is racing.  I need to get this adrenaline out of my system!)

It never fails that I can barely make it through my days, yet my mind has it all together in the middle of the night.  What is up with that???? 

Is it possible I am living my life in reverse?  Should I be awake at 3AM and asleep at 3PM????  Maybe I have been living wrong all my life.  That would make so much sense to me.  Why I always need naps mid afternoon! 

For the first few years of our relationship, I was berated by Chris  for taking naps.  He didn't get it.  He's not a napper.  I actually felt like something was wrong with me until I met a friend who told me she can't function without 20 minutes down in her day.  I felt vindicated.  I realized there were people in the world, like me, and that maybe I didn't have some genetic malfunction. (Though Chris would still challenge that). 

Eventually, I did get back to sleep.  Who knows what time.  And I am awake now, at 7am.  Feeling exhausted.  And with a full plate that now has to be rearranged.  So, my first order of the day is to (once again) look at my plate; rearrange, dump, redistribute, recalculate and basically LOWER my expectations of what I wanted to get done, so I can get busy on the rest! And only get done that which is absolutely necessary and cannot be rescheduled.  I'm feeling the stress already.

Is it too early for a nap???

Happy Saturday!