Okay? Not okay? Huh???

Every so often our schedules get so hectic, I feel like we are all existing together just so we can hurry up and finish our tasks.  It's exhausting.

The girls have their school, homework, girlscouts, dance and if they have time (not usually) friends.

Chris has his music, which requires him to practice at home and outside at other locations.  And works.  There are days I drop off the kids and he has to pick them up.  We are literally passing in the night sometimes. 

I have photography, Weight Watchers, and the OC taxi company that caters specifically to my girls and their needs. 

We do our best to get by, but our schedules are so hectic, it's hard to breathe.  I'm sure many of you can relate. 

When you have a schedule like this, it's bound to happen that your relationships adjust accordingly.  It's very important to make efforts where you can, but we all can only work within our capabilities and that which sanity dictates.

So, yesterday, while getting ready, I was hit between the eyes (once again), but Chris telling me that he feels like we don't have a relationship!!! 

You could have heard a pin drop.  To me, alarm bells went off and my mind started scrambling for how much we've actually seen each other in the last few...umm....well....months???

Now there is two ways to handle this. First, to dismiss, "Well, what do you expect. We are so busy....we'll be fine!"
Or....to acknowledge and fix.

They say when you start a family, remember that the parents came first!  This is a hard concept to grasp; especially when you are staring at the innocent, and dependent face of your child.

But like the say in the airplanes.  Put your OWN mask on first.  Because if you pass out while the plane is losing pressure, you are no good to anyone.

We seem to think, as adults, that we can all take care of ourselves, and as parents that helps us dismiss our spouses, while trying to accommodate the kids.  But what happens, is over time, the wedge gets bigger and bigger, and pretty soon, you look at your spouse like, "who are you?"
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Relationships are like gardens.  In order to maintain them, you have to water and feed them.  And when things get ugly, you gotta start pulling out the weeds.  It's just like everything else. 

But some people forget to tend to their spouses thinking everything will be fine, or rather, "I'll get back to you later" and later never comes.  It's a common mistake.  But in my opinion, it is also the beginning of the end. 

In order to understand another, you need to communicate and discuss things and stay on top of it.  This is work.  And lots of it.  As people we have many areas to our lives.  But as parents, we tend to discuss the kids, and forget the rest. 

I do not want to be one of those people who has to fight to get my relationship back after years of neglecting my spouse.  I was very thankful when Chris said something to me, because it set me on a new course.  It made me stop and realize that it's been a long time since we had a conversation while actually looking at each other.   This should not be taken for granted.

I have a pretty full plate, and I'm pretty tired a lot of the time.  But my plate is currently off balance and I need to knock something off that doesn't need to be there. 

I chose to acknowledge and fix this situation.  In the last 15 + years of being with Chris, we have developed a better mode of communication.  It's gone from lashing out, to actually discussing.  But it wasn't a quick trip. 

Do your best to make sure you acknowledge what people say.  We need to be validated. We all do.  So, take today, take a moment, really look at someone you love and validate what they are to you!!!  You'll be glad you did.

Happy Friday