Misc.

I'm heading in a few different directions today.

First; an update on my "Eating Clean and Raw".   For the first two meals of the day, I have complete control!  I start out with a mixed fruit oatmeal in the morning, snack on fruit if I am hungry, then salad with chicken for lunch.  Dinner is a grab bag, and that is okay.  Last night it was chinese food (on a salad plate).  In the past few days, I have watched my scale drop 4.2lbs.  This is a bit of weight that my body has been holding on to for more than a month; and it feels like it jumped on overnight. 

Though I am certain that it is all water weight, I attribute much of the 'weight loss' to drinking ample (and I mean ample) amounts of water.  Your body needs this to flush out all that "stuff" it's been holding on to.

As I was running yesterday, it occurred to me how mental this all is.  When I first started losing weight, I remember thinking, "Where could this possibly go?"  As it took me nearly 2 years (20 months to be exact) to lose my weight, I remember the many ways I wanted to stop myself; feeling like it wasn't possible.  And every time the next step happened - the next few pounds was lost - I realized that it was more about me not believing in myself.  And the truth is; that is what most everything is about.  Whether or not we believe in ourselves. 

The only thing that got me to my weight goal was persistence.  I had a leader that pushed me and a friend (Michelle) that inspired me to no end.  (She still does).  It's amazing what a good support system will do for you, if you let it!

I also realized, as I watch life over and over and over again, that what happens to us in our youth, is carried with us to the end.  And it is really important that we are honest with ourselves and our belief system.

I was watching the Judds last night (country singers/reality show).  It's about a mother/daughter singing duo who are getting ready to tour together for the first time in about 20 years.  And there is such a dichotomy between those two.  Both strong willed, both broken, both looking for acceptance, but they need it from each other in the face of a wall standing between them.  There is SUCH pain going on in that family, the show is almost hard to watch.  But the interesting thing about it, they are working really hard to heal their past and move forward.

Naomi (mom), disclosed that she had a secret of sexual abuse from her childhood.  Something she never shared before.  When we keep secrets, (which we do have a right to), it still affects our lives.  Just because it's a secret doesn't mean there isn't a ripple affect in your life.  This ripple affect bled down to her children, and will now bleed down to her grandchildren.

We may not tell our innermost secrets, but when we live our lives hiding them, we live in a way that is not honest.  We cannot be who we are supposed to be, because we are broken, and live our lives broken.  And those around us are affected by that brokenness.  You live in history; you live in fear - usually of someone finding "you" out.  As a result, you alter your life to keep your secret and those around you, are inadvertently affected.  It's so sad.

I know we all have secrets.  But some things really need closure.  I could go on for days with this.  I have had friends lie to me,and it's very hard for me to handle; especially when it is a non-significant lie.  In one instance, when the truth came out, I had to piece back together my history with this "new" truth.  It's a real pain in the ass!!! (excuse my french).  I realized that her displaced anger, which I thought had everything to do with me, in fact, had nothing to do with me, but the secret my friend was hiding.  My mother was affect, my kids were affected, and worst of all....our trust was affected.

Be careful the truths you hide.  Some are for protection, I get that.  But some secrets can have a latent affect on those around you.  And really big secrets can bleed down for generations.  When you act out of fear; and teach that around you, ...... because of a secret...... you are now having a ripple affect that could have terrible consequences.  For Wynonna (daughter of singing duo), her weight has been an issue all her life.  One of the lies that she lived for 30 years was that she had the same father as her younger sister.  When she found out the truth, it crushed her and made her look back and try to piece back her life.  It all made sense to her, because she inherently knew she was different! 

As I watch her on TV, I want to jump through the screen and tell her how truly amazing she is no matter what her past!  She IS a beatiful, talented and gifted woman, no matter her weight.  Yet her pain is holding her back from living today.  I feel that both these women, are looking backwards so much, they are not able to live in today and appreciate what they have today!!!  They are spending so much time trying to fix their broken past, it is completely absorbing them.  Much of this stems from secrets.  I can take one quick look at them and realize, honesty is worth it!

Well, I'm preaching now, and it's a far cry from my "Clean Diet" as I started out.  But the bottom line is, to be true to you and don't give up on yourself.  Belief is everything.  If you don't have belief, create a support system that can carry you to a place where you start believing in yourself.