Realizing our limitations

I realized something yesterday.  I realized that spreading myself thin does no-body any good!

I was walking with my Girl Scout troop and I realized that these girls have probably had about 10% of the fun/experience that the 'could' have.  I see other troops and I'm blown away by how much they do over us.

To back up; I have a very small troop. When I took it over, there were 8 girls, and we are now down to 5.  We (my co-leader and I) made a conscious decision to keep the troop small, and to be honest, I think that was a mistake.  But, I digress.  Our girls have been together since kindergarten.  Same girls.  Some moved away, some moved on.  But the rest have been together and I didn't want to let that go, so I signed on when the old leaders stepped down.

My hopes and aspirations for this troop have, well....fallen short.  On SO MANY LEVELS!!!  First of all, as I have never been a Girl Scout, I had no idea what a Bronze award was, or how to go about it. Or, that we needed so many badges to qualify for the Bronze award and that we need to do six out of ten items to get one badge.  Are you lost yet? Well, how do you think I felt!?!?!

I really hoped that our girls would thrive under my direction.  I really did......

Then there is reality.......

*ughhhh*

I took a good look at my life and all the decisions I make and how I fall short on so many things, because my intentions are good.  Am I alone in this? 

My heart is in the right place, but my execution falls short.  A LOT.  It's like I bought a game, but don't have all the pieces to play it.  So, I move around the board, hoping to get to the finish line, but someone didn't include that in the game.  (you getting my drift?)

I had to take a serious look at myself yesterday and ask some hard questions:
Is there anything I can do to change my current situation?  What is really holding me back?
Do I have enough time to do this?
Am I misusing my time in the day and that is why I'm not getting everything done?
Am I not asking for help, where help would be useful?
Is it time for me to step down?

Honestly, no matter how I answer those questions, my heart is keeping me as a leader.  And as I am an emotional person, my heart will win.   This is my child I'm talking about here.  Not just a troop. 

However, I see that it is not just the troop that is lacking.  Other areas of my life are falling short due to lack of something....yet I can't take them off the list.  I have to work, but I don't have enough time to read all the emails that come from work.

I have to do photography, but I don't have enough time to learn all the new programs.

I have to deal with my kids, because there is no one else to take them from here to there and back again, and feed and clothe them. 

But with every commitment I make somewhere in my life....somewhere else has to suffer the consequences.  And when something falls short, I beat myself up over it.  Suffice it to say, I walk around a pretty bruised and tired individual.

So, yes...the troop is working at about 40% capacity.  But none of the girls have died from my lack of direction; and they still show up for meetings, and they still listen to what I have to say.  So, I will keep going for now.  However, I will start delegating some of the responsibilities that I cannot do as well as I would like. 

I truly believe that we have to take a step back and look at our situation with fresh eyes.  Or even, through the eyes of others to get a clearer perspective on what is working and what can change.  As the moms came over to pick up their kids, I saw my house (and the mess it is) and I got a little uncomfortable about it.  But I realized, I sacrificed my cleaning time to spend time with their children, and I hope that is enough for them.

Something's always gotta give if you don't have enough time in the day.  Just make sure it's something at the bottom of your list and something that doesn't affect someone else.  For me, it's usually the house.  I won't be remembered for my excellent cleaning skills, but I'll be remembered for the mom who made brownies from scratch during our meeting and let the girls lick the bowl.   Hopefully that is worth 40%.