Flawed

Well, the day's not over and I'm sure I can fill my page with something!    I realized today that appearance means a lot to people.  And the "best" appearance seems to mean the most.
I grew up in an affluent area.  I witnessed many who had much.  And more who had obscene amounts of "much".  What I learned early on is that "stuff" does not equal "worth".  Worth is something really valuable.  While "stuff"' is just...well...STUFF. 
However, it is apparent that stuff is necessary to make ones worth seem real.  So people acquire it so they can keep the smokescreen going.
In my life, I am most surprised by people who judge me without even knowing me.  Appearance really is only appearance after all.  It's amazing how quickly people can "sum you up" by looking at you.  But how much do they really know???  How much can you REALLY tell?  And in the end...who REALLY cares, and what does their "summing up" really mean?  It will not change who I am.  It will not define me.  And more often than not, it will be so far off base, I will undoubtedly laugh just because I can't stop myself.
People can work really hard to keep up appearances and it makes me crazy, because in the end, I just want to know the truth.  But I have found that most people do NOT want to "just know the truth".   It is far easier to assume we know something, and not delve deeper.
Where am I going with this???  Well, I spent two whole days tidying my house so that it looked presentable. 
The truth is, it rarely is presentable.  Never has been.  Probably never will be.  My brain doesn't work that way.  It hasn't for over 40 years. 
It does bum me out.  But what bums me out more, is people who judge me because of it.  I am who I am.  My friends accept this.  My family accepts this.  They love me anyway.  For that I am grateful.  And to be honest, if they came over tonite for the celebration and the house was a mess; they still would have sat down and had dinner and laughed their butts off because my husband has a penchant for making people do that.  I wanted to clean the house because it was my moms and nephews birthday.  And I'm glad I did.   That said, if you are here to see ME....you are welcome any time.  If you are here to see my clean house....please make an appointment!!!