Happy Halloween.
The first of the holidays of the season is almost over. Can you believe it? All the planning for the costumes and parties is passed. The meager decorating efforts are about to be taken down and replace by turkeys and fall leaves.
Sometimes I feel like someone pushed the fast forward button on life, and there is no going back.
It has been that way since I can remember, but got worse when I had kids.
There is so much rushing around and planning for four people, not just two; which amplifies the warp speed factor.
My goal this year is to absorb a little more time, and actually share a few nicer moments.
Last night we had mom and Julie over for dinner, and we pulled our camping chairs out front while we watched the girls carve their pumpkins. We enjoyed it so much, we at dinner out front as well.
I had an extra light brought outside and it really felt like a camping effect. Even Chris came out and chatted. It was a really nice evening.
While we chatted, we were talking about kids and conveniences of today. My mom said, "You guys are lucky because you guys have all this electronic stuff that makes everything easier."
I stopped her and said that my children are not lucky, because everything is so easy for them. They don't know what it is to struggle, and their sense of pride will never be what it was when we were growing up.
I honestly believe that there is a cost factor every time the next "easy" thing comes along.
She actually agreed with me.
And as my daughter is sitting here eating last nights Chinese food for breakfast out of a box...I think my point is made. At least on some small level.
Happy Monday.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Quit apologizing....
It seems to me that we are always apologizing for something.
Why do we feel the need to apologize so much?
In some cases, we should most definitely apologize. If we keep someone waiting, if we have spoken rudely, etc...then my all means...apologize.
But sometimes, just sometimes, we need to think about our desire to apologize to another for what we have said. When in fact, what we have spoken is merely what we feel, and should not be requested an excuse.
I find that when I meet people who read my blog, they are almost apologetic that they feel the same way I do, yet are afraid to admit it.
I am met with many people who almost feel their admission is a guilty indulgence when they read my words. Almost as if they wrote them by proxy.
I am thankful that I can write and throw it all out there, without guilt. Because the more I can reach out and let people know (and I shout) YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!.....the more free my soul feels.
To be kept captive by your own thoughts, the more imprisoned you are. We all have feelings. And more often than not; all our feelings are the same at one time or another!!!
My heart hurts when someone is left to feel like they are the inventor of their own painful feelings. It's not true. Most or many of us have felt "your" pain at one time or another in our lives.
It is our pain or trials that connect us to each other. When we hide those feelings, we cheat ourselves the ability to connect with another!
When I start speaking my pains or issues to someone, I am hardly ever surprised when they chime in with their own rendition of what I have gone through.
Don't apologize for who you are or how you feel. Your experience is unique to you. Yet your feelings have been felt by millions before you. And you are never alone. All you have to do at any given time is reach out. And if you don't find what you need the first time, I can pretty much guarantee that you will find it out there if you keep trying.
We are not alone. Never have been. Never will be.
Don't apologize.
Ever!
Happy Sunday.
Why do we feel the need to apologize so much?
In some cases, we should most definitely apologize. If we keep someone waiting, if we have spoken rudely, etc...then my all means...apologize.
But sometimes, just sometimes, we need to think about our desire to apologize to another for what we have said. When in fact, what we have spoken is merely what we feel, and should not be requested an excuse.
I find that when I meet people who read my blog, they are almost apologetic that they feel the same way I do, yet are afraid to admit it.
I am met with many people who almost feel their admission is a guilty indulgence when they read my words. Almost as if they wrote them by proxy.
I am thankful that I can write and throw it all out there, without guilt. Because the more I can reach out and let people know (and I shout) YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!.....the more free my soul feels.
To be kept captive by your own thoughts, the more imprisoned you are. We all have feelings. And more often than not; all our feelings are the same at one time or another!!!
My heart hurts when someone is left to feel like they are the inventor of their own painful feelings. It's not true. Most or many of us have felt "your" pain at one time or another in our lives.
It is our pain or trials that connect us to each other. When we hide those feelings, we cheat ourselves the ability to connect with another!
When I start speaking my pains or issues to someone, I am hardly ever surprised when they chime in with their own rendition of what I have gone through.
Don't apologize for who you are or how you feel. Your experience is unique to you. Yet your feelings have been felt by millions before you. And you are never alone. All you have to do at any given time is reach out. And if you don't find what you need the first time, I can pretty much guarantee that you will find it out there if you keep trying.
We are not alone. Never have been. Never will be.
Don't apologize.
Ever!
Happy Sunday.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Good to bad in an instant
Last night was a really nice evening......and then it went downhill fast.
As parents your lives move in a flash. It is time spent shuffling kids back and forth in between working and trying to keep the house together. You almost feel like two people passing in the night. There is a lot of juggling going on.
So, a date night is something that comes few and far between.
Last night we called in the grandma and asked her to pick up the girls from dance so we could steal off to a movie. A $2 movie.
I dropped off the girls at dance and me Chris at the theater in separate cars. I still had my spider web makeup on my face, because I'd didn't have time to wipe it off and reapply my makeup.
We decided to see the Change Up. Chris and I rarely agree on movies, but we do agree on some characters. Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds are on our list. So we went. Even though we knew it got panned by critics. We were happy if we laughed just once! (go in with low expectations; that is what I say! No where to go but up.)
Though some parts of the movie were beyond crude (and I mean beyond crude), we laughed a lot! Totally worth the price of admission! (at $2 I don't care if it is just a nap...)
Afterwards we went to Boneheads and split an appetizer and a dinner. It was amazing!
And then we walked around and talked a bit. And not all about the kids, which was great. He caught me up on his work, and we talked about my work, and we really had a nice time. I even made him sit down while I threw my legs over his and sat for a while. I am surprised he didn't start twitching.
It was so nice to not be running around. It has been a long time.
As usual, we got anxious to get the girls. We went and picked them up from grandmas, and as usual, they were hiding under her coffee table when we came in. I will be so sad when they don't fit anymore.
After we for home we laid down upstairs and all watched Zookeeper with Kevin James. Not my first choice, but it was more about spending time together as a family. It was nice, once again, to just chill.
What a great night!
Then, as we were getting the girls off to bed, Aspen (who is under the weather) starts crying hysterically because she can't find her retainer. Panic started happening because I told her if she loses her retainer, I will have to take her off dance team to pay for it (never imagining I would have to use that card).
This is where everything changed. We stopped everything and scoured the house. She though she left it on a paper towel and that it got thrown away. She was frantic and coughing like a seal, because she is starting to get sick.
It was awful. The mood in the house turned, and as we ran through the house digging through everything we were no where near the happy content family of a few minutes ago.
Eventually we found the retainer. But the damage was done. She couldn't calm down, and she went to bed thinking we were angry with her. And we weren't. We were sad that the night took a turn so quickly.
I woke up this morning and snuggled into bed with her. I kissed her and let her know I loved her. All is fine in the house today and we are all working on costumes and 'stuff'.
Don't take for granted those precious moments: because just like anything else, they are fleeting.
Happy Saturday!
As parents your lives move in a flash. It is time spent shuffling kids back and forth in between working and trying to keep the house together. You almost feel like two people passing in the night. There is a lot of juggling going on.
So, a date night is something that comes few and far between.
Last night we called in the grandma and asked her to pick up the girls from dance so we could steal off to a movie. A $2 movie.
I dropped off the girls at dance and me Chris at the theater in separate cars. I still had my spider web makeup on my face, because I'd didn't have time to wipe it off and reapply my makeup.
We decided to see the Change Up. Chris and I rarely agree on movies, but we do agree on some characters. Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds are on our list. So we went. Even though we knew it got panned by critics. We were happy if we laughed just once! (go in with low expectations; that is what I say! No where to go but up.)
Though some parts of the movie were beyond crude (and I mean beyond crude), we laughed a lot! Totally worth the price of admission! (at $2 I don't care if it is just a nap...)
Afterwards we went to Boneheads and split an appetizer and a dinner. It was amazing!
And then we walked around and talked a bit. And not all about the kids, which was great. He caught me up on his work, and we talked about my work, and we really had a nice time. I even made him sit down while I threw my legs over his and sat for a while. I am surprised he didn't start twitching.
It was so nice to not be running around. It has been a long time.
As usual, we got anxious to get the girls. We went and picked them up from grandmas, and as usual, they were hiding under her coffee table when we came in. I will be so sad when they don't fit anymore.
After we for home we laid down upstairs and all watched Zookeeper with Kevin James. Not my first choice, but it was more about spending time together as a family. It was nice, once again, to just chill.
What a great night!
Then, as we were getting the girls off to bed, Aspen (who is under the weather) starts crying hysterically because she can't find her retainer. Panic started happening because I told her if she loses her retainer, I will have to take her off dance team to pay for it (never imagining I would have to use that card).
This is where everything changed. We stopped everything and scoured the house. She though she left it on a paper towel and that it got thrown away. She was frantic and coughing like a seal, because she is starting to get sick.
It was awful. The mood in the house turned, and as we ran through the house digging through everything we were no where near the happy content family of a few minutes ago.
Eventually we found the retainer. But the damage was done. She couldn't calm down, and she went to bed thinking we were angry with her. And we weren't. We were sad that the night took a turn so quickly.
I woke up this morning and snuggled into bed with her. I kissed her and let her know I loved her. All is fine in the house today and we are all working on costumes and 'stuff'.
Don't take for granted those precious moments: because just like anything else, they are fleeting.
Happy Saturday!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Working hard....and working hard
I was thinking of my dad recently. Well...truthfully, I think about him all the time.
I wonder what he would think of me, my life, and my children. I know for a fact that he would get a kick out of my girls. Aspen is a sweet, huggy love, and Avery is just like me, which would give him great pleasure.
I know my dad didn't get me...but he totally got me.
I have such strong memories of him. He worked so hard for everything.
When I think of who he was, and how hard he worked; my only regret is that I didn't 'get' it at the time.
He was skilled in everything from sewing, to fixing cars to woodworking, electrical and masonry. I knew back then that he was special. I didn't know any other dads that had his capabilities. He was also good at math, history, physics...and cooking.
Oh...and sprinklers.....
it seemed every weekend there was a sprinkler that needed fixed. (Even though he put the boys to that!)
Our house was always busy fixing or cleaning. We all had to pitch in and help out. There was a lot to do and five kids to help out.
I wish I spent more time hanging with my dad and learning some of his trades. I truly had no concept.
When I think about people today who work hard, I can't help but think of my dad and see everyone coming up short.
Everyone!
As a patent Attorney who had five kids and all those trades under his belt....the man never rested.
Today we have all sorts of service workers who charge nominal prices to do the things we either don't want to do, or don't have time to do. How lucky are we, right?
But I think something is profoundly lost in the handing it over to someone else. I never thought I would be embarrassed to say I don't have a cleaning lady. At one time I was one of only a few who didn't. Can you imagine? Being ashamed that you are the one cleaning your own house (or in my case "not cleaning" as it were).
My husband is one of those "hirers". He finds more value in is time so he lets someone else do things for him. Even cleaning his car. Last time, I have to say I actually found the value in his thought process. As I sent the girls out to clean my car (because they have fun getting wet), I came out and saw spots everywhere. They can't reach the windows, let alone the roof. So as the spots had already dried, I was in trouble. I was gonna have to start all over again. So I took it to the drive through and figured I would use their vaccuum and get it done quicker. Not only did the stupid carwash scratch my car; when I went to vaccuum the hose was too short, I would have had to turn my car 3 times to fit the hose in my car. So in the end, I went home, dried off my car and used my own vaccuum to finish the job.....ughhhhhh..... But it was done.
There are times it is nice to have someone else do something for you. But there is a lot of value in being able to do it yourself. I miss all that my dad had to offer. There is a true sense of pride in looking at a job well done and knowing that you did it! When we hand our jobs to everyone else, we cut ourselves short in some way.
Not that I wouldn't hire everyone to do everything for me if I had enough money.
I'm just sayin'......!!!
Happy Friday!!!
I wonder what he would think of me, my life, and my children. I know for a fact that he would get a kick out of my girls. Aspen is a sweet, huggy love, and Avery is just like me, which would give him great pleasure.
I know my dad didn't get me...but he totally got me.
I have such strong memories of him. He worked so hard for everything.
When I think of who he was, and how hard he worked; my only regret is that I didn't 'get' it at the time.
He was skilled in everything from sewing, to fixing cars to woodworking, electrical and masonry. I knew back then that he was special. I didn't know any other dads that had his capabilities. He was also good at math, history, physics...and cooking.
Oh...and sprinklers.....
it seemed every weekend there was a sprinkler that needed fixed. (Even though he put the boys to that!)
Our house was always busy fixing or cleaning. We all had to pitch in and help out. There was a lot to do and five kids to help out.
I wish I spent more time hanging with my dad and learning some of his trades. I truly had no concept.
When I think about people today who work hard, I can't help but think of my dad and see everyone coming up short.
Everyone!
As a patent Attorney who had five kids and all those trades under his belt....the man never rested.
Today we have all sorts of service workers who charge nominal prices to do the things we either don't want to do, or don't have time to do. How lucky are we, right?
But I think something is profoundly lost in the handing it over to someone else. I never thought I would be embarrassed to say I don't have a cleaning lady. At one time I was one of only a few who didn't. Can you imagine? Being ashamed that you are the one cleaning your own house (or in my case "not cleaning" as it were).
My husband is one of those "hirers". He finds more value in is time so he lets someone else do things for him. Even cleaning his car. Last time, I have to say I actually found the value in his thought process. As I sent the girls out to clean my car (because they have fun getting wet), I came out and saw spots everywhere. They can't reach the windows, let alone the roof. So as the spots had already dried, I was in trouble. I was gonna have to start all over again. So I took it to the drive through and figured I would use their vaccuum and get it done quicker. Not only did the stupid carwash scratch my car; when I went to vaccuum the hose was too short, I would have had to turn my car 3 times to fit the hose in my car. So in the end, I went home, dried off my car and used my own vaccuum to finish the job.....ughhhhhh..... But it was done.
There are times it is nice to have someone else do something for you. But there is a lot of value in being able to do it yourself. I miss all that my dad had to offer. There is a true sense of pride in looking at a job well done and knowing that you did it! When we hand our jobs to everyone else, we cut ourselves short in some way.
Not that I wouldn't hire everyone to do everything for me if I had enough money.
I'm just sayin'......!!!
Happy Friday!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Stuff....just stuff
This morning as I am eating breakfast, I look down at my table and see a few big "new" scratches in it. They are deep, as though someone put effort into it. I'm instantly set off in the way my parents would be when they found something marred or broken in their house!
It amazes me the level of oblivion kids live in! Totally unaware of scratches and scrapes they create by mindless toiling!
Immediately upon stating my disdain, I hear a "not me" flying out of the mouth of my youngest. Of course she didn't do it. And if I ask my older daughter, I know she didn't do it either.
As a child the Family Circus had a comic strip and there was a ghost that ran around in a sheet with "Not Me" written on it. I didn't realize that ghost was real and lives in my house! But I guess it does.
I knew a long time ago, that while you have children in your house, it is not really worth it to own anything that you put much value in. Either that, or training them "no touch" and all but beating them when they go near!
And since I don't find value in buying something we can't touch, I suffer to consequences of their oblivion every day!
As my car is barely a few months old; it already has scratches in the upholstery....or shall I say Leather!
As I was doing carpool one day, I picked up one of the kids who had a music instrument in a metal case, which, you guessed it; made contact with my brand new car. As he was getting in, he hit my car with his metal case. I all but came out of my skin!
But then I am constantly reminded of something.....it's all just "stuff". Not that it shouldn't be taken care of; but I have to realize I need to put my value in things that really count!
When I bought my very first car all by myself, with no help from anyone; it was a very proud day. I couldn't have been more excited and more full of myself and my purchase. I worked really hard for it. And within two months; that car was keyed down the drivers side......all....the....way.....
As I couldn't afford to get it fixed, the key marks stayed.
I realized then that how much you pay for something is not directly proportional to how sturdy and "safe" it will be. Bottom line is; it's all the same. It can all break, or be trashed by some oblivious human being at any moment. And the more stock you put in it and the more valuable it becomes in your mind, the more vulnerable it is and the more something else suffers in your life!
I am angry about my table, because we are stuck with it for a while. My heart is sad that the one major purchase we have made in recent years is reduced to a kids cutting table and a ghost named "Not Me" is to blame.
I'm not saying there won't be hell to pay when I find this little ghost....but at least my kids are healthy and thriving.
Happy Thursday
It amazes me the level of oblivion kids live in! Totally unaware of scratches and scrapes they create by mindless toiling!
Immediately upon stating my disdain, I hear a "not me" flying out of the mouth of my youngest. Of course she didn't do it. And if I ask my older daughter, I know she didn't do it either.
As a child the Family Circus had a comic strip and there was a ghost that ran around in a sheet with "Not Me" written on it. I didn't realize that ghost was real and lives in my house! But I guess it does.
I knew a long time ago, that while you have children in your house, it is not really worth it to own anything that you put much value in. Either that, or training them "no touch" and all but beating them when they go near!
And since I don't find value in buying something we can't touch, I suffer to consequences of their oblivion every day!
As my car is barely a few months old; it already has scratches in the upholstery....or shall I say Leather!
As I was doing carpool one day, I picked up one of the kids who had a music instrument in a metal case, which, you guessed it; made contact with my brand new car. As he was getting in, he hit my car with his metal case. I all but came out of my skin!
But then I am constantly reminded of something.....it's all just "stuff". Not that it shouldn't be taken care of; but I have to realize I need to put my value in things that really count!
When I bought my very first car all by myself, with no help from anyone; it was a very proud day. I couldn't have been more excited and more full of myself and my purchase. I worked really hard for it. And within two months; that car was keyed down the drivers side......all....the....way.....
As I couldn't afford to get it fixed, the key marks stayed.
I realized then that how much you pay for something is not directly proportional to how sturdy and "safe" it will be. Bottom line is; it's all the same. It can all break, or be trashed by some oblivious human being at any moment. And the more stock you put in it and the more valuable it becomes in your mind, the more vulnerable it is and the more something else suffers in your life!
I am angry about my table, because we are stuck with it for a while. My heart is sad that the one major purchase we have made in recent years is reduced to a kids cutting table and a ghost named "Not Me" is to blame.
I'm not saying there won't be hell to pay when I find this little ghost....but at least my kids are healthy and thriving.
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Passion and insecurities
I just love hindsight! If I could live in hindsight before it became hindsight, I probably would.......
Last night I was watching an episode of Friends and it took me back to when I was dating Chris.
He was in college, and I was working at the college. That is how we met. He had his group of friends as this was his final year as a student.
When we met, I was a little shy. Or shall I say pretty insecure. I considered his friends "his" friends and I felt a bit like an intruder. Every Thursday night he would go to watch Friends with his friends. I was a little jealous by this. Though he invited me to go, I didn't want to intrude, so I stayed back, angry that he "left" me.
Fast forward almost 2 decades and I see it from a whole other "seasoned" angle.
What he did was healthy. Going with his friends, letting me wallow in my pity. There were times he wouldn't go, but there were times he did.
It's so funny to look back and see yourself and think, "wow....what conversation could I have with that girl now!"
One thing he did tell me when we started dating was that music is was and always will be a part of his life. He said it in no uncertain terms and I thought "Wow....what a jerk!"
But fast forward, I see what he meant. Many of his friends had relationships with girls that got in the way of what they loved and transformed their future. And not in a happy way!
We all need to be who we are and do what we love! NOT what someone else* wants. (*kids under 18, listen to your parents!)
If we go with the assumption that we only get one shot at this life; what good is it if you give it and all its control to someone else (aside from God of course).
I do believe it is our destiny to figure out what our unique offering is to this life. True, life sometimes gets in our way and we veer off course, but if you are literally giving it away to someone else, you are really shortchanging yourself.
I'm thankful that my husband was a bit of a jerk, because in all honesty, if I took his music from him "by request" (and stronghold), our relationship might be one full of resentment and anger and disdain.
And trust me when I say relationships are hard enough without added consequence!
So as I watched Friends last night, I had a moment of gratitude. I'm thankful my husband had his own friends, and I'm thankful he was strong enough in his resolve to protect his passion.
Don't let anyone steal your passion or your vision. It's yours.
Happy Wednesday!
Last night I was watching an episode of Friends and it took me back to when I was dating Chris.
He was in college, and I was working at the college. That is how we met. He had his group of friends as this was his final year as a student.
When we met, I was a little shy. Or shall I say pretty insecure. I considered his friends "his" friends and I felt a bit like an intruder. Every Thursday night he would go to watch Friends with his friends. I was a little jealous by this. Though he invited me to go, I didn't want to intrude, so I stayed back, angry that he "left" me.
Fast forward almost 2 decades and I see it from a whole other "seasoned" angle.
What he did was healthy. Going with his friends, letting me wallow in my pity. There were times he wouldn't go, but there were times he did.
It's so funny to look back and see yourself and think, "wow....what conversation could I have with that girl now!"
One thing he did tell me when we started dating was that music is was and always will be a part of his life. He said it in no uncertain terms and I thought "Wow....what a jerk!"
But fast forward, I see what he meant. Many of his friends had relationships with girls that got in the way of what they loved and transformed their future. And not in a happy way!
We all need to be who we are and do what we love! NOT what someone else* wants. (*kids under 18, listen to your parents!)
If we go with the assumption that we only get one shot at this life; what good is it if you give it and all its control to someone else (aside from God of course).
I do believe it is our destiny to figure out what our unique offering is to this life. True, life sometimes gets in our way and we veer off course, but if you are literally giving it away to someone else, you are really shortchanging yourself.
I'm thankful that my husband was a bit of a jerk, because in all honesty, if I took his music from him "by request" (and stronghold), our relationship might be one full of resentment and anger and disdain.
And trust me when I say relationships are hard enough without added consequence!
So as I watched Friends last night, I had a moment of gratitude. I'm thankful my husband had his own friends, and I'm thankful he was strong enough in his resolve to protect his passion.
Don't let anyone steal your passion or your vision. It's yours.
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Excuses are like........
I keep dealing with this person who makes excuses every time we talk. And I have to say, it's almost not worth the conversation anymore.
I guess I have been with my husband too long, because I remember once upon a time, I was a bit of an excuse person. I still am to some degree, but I have broken away from it being an instant response, like a sneeze or something.
What I have realized from this one person who makes excuses every time, is, this is the world they live in. They ARE their excuse. And they always have one ready, no matter what.
Well, the sad thing is.....my kids are even on to it.
When you make excuses, you are literally excusing yourself from YOUR OWN ACTIONS!!!
And sometimes there is no excuse! It either IS.....or it ISN'T!
I just want the little issues that I bring up to be corrected, I don't really care why they happened. I find as I get older, I follow that path. I don't really care to re-hash what got us here....I just want to fix it and move on. That is all. I don't want fingers pointed I just want a resolution!!!
Yesterday I was having a conversation with them, and the thing that made me saddest is the level of protection they have for themselves. They instantly go into "I'm being attacked" and follow suit with whatever will get them out of the hole.
I took a moment and stated, "I don't really care what happened, and we are not mad here; we just want to see how we can correct this going forward. If we talk about it, then no one will walk around in resentment, because it is 'out there' and we can fix it".
After this statement, they calmed down a bit. But they were still upset that they were being pinpointed.
The truth is, if you hide behind a veil of any sort, eventually you will be figured out!
My whole goal in life is to find the little engine that drives you. We all do stupid things and we are not alone. AND.....we will protect ourselves at every turn, because if we don,t then who will????
Now this person I refer to is just a kid. But I have seen "Just" kids grow up into "just" adults. And I want so badly to have a heart to heart with this kid, but I fear it will offend the parents, so I will just deal one issue at a time. I have my own kids to worry about!
But just keep in mind; if you are making excuses all the time, what are you really hiding?
Happy Tuesday!
I guess I have been with my husband too long, because I remember once upon a time, I was a bit of an excuse person. I still am to some degree, but I have broken away from it being an instant response, like a sneeze or something.
What I have realized from this one person who makes excuses every time, is, this is the world they live in. They ARE their excuse. And they always have one ready, no matter what.
Well, the sad thing is.....my kids are even on to it.
When you make excuses, you are literally excusing yourself from YOUR OWN ACTIONS!!!
And sometimes there is no excuse! It either IS.....or it ISN'T!
I just want the little issues that I bring up to be corrected, I don't really care why they happened. I find as I get older, I follow that path. I don't really care to re-hash what got us here....I just want to fix it and move on. That is all. I don't want fingers pointed I just want a resolution!!!
Yesterday I was having a conversation with them, and the thing that made me saddest is the level of protection they have for themselves. They instantly go into "I'm being attacked" and follow suit with whatever will get them out of the hole.
I took a moment and stated, "I don't really care what happened, and we are not mad here; we just want to see how we can correct this going forward. If we talk about it, then no one will walk around in resentment, because it is 'out there' and we can fix it".
After this statement, they calmed down a bit. But they were still upset that they were being pinpointed.
The truth is, if you hide behind a veil of any sort, eventually you will be figured out!
My whole goal in life is to find the little engine that drives you. We all do stupid things and we are not alone. AND.....we will protect ourselves at every turn, because if we don,t then who will????
Now this person I refer to is just a kid. But I have seen "Just" kids grow up into "just" adults. And I want so badly to have a heart to heart with this kid, but I fear it will offend the parents, so I will just deal one issue at a time. I have my own kids to worry about!
But just keep in mind; if you are making excuses all the time, what are you really hiding?
Happy Tuesday!
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