Got a message last night from a co-workers son. His mom passed. I was very sad. I wasn't sure what to do. Who's gonna make the call to my co-workers? I got the message, should it be me? Or should I pass it to my boss? He has way better words in this situation than I do. He also has all the contacts. So, I made the call.
My heart sank. She was a lovely woman. Frail since I met her, but determined with all get out like no other. I worked with her for a number of weeks as she was filling for someone else, and we had the most amazing conversations. She was quite a bit older, so she had seen things.
She wasn't shy if you asked a question. She gave it to you like it was. But with a grain of salt. The message in everything she said was, "Don't take it all too seriously!"
I hear this a lot from people who are up in years. They have wisdom that I don't, so I'm bound to listen.
I was having lunch with another co-worker, also "Grandma aged" and I said, "I'm so blessed. I have the BEST friends of my life and everything feels perfect!" and her response to me was simple and to the point, "Oh,honey....this too shall pass!"
I about choked on my lunch, because my first thought was "how RUDE!" But as I looked at her face, I knew she was right. And she wasn't trying to be rude. There are seasons to our lives and I'm in one of them! She's in another! I took her wisdom and appreciated where I was right then, because I knew it was temporary!
I spoke to my other boss this morning. She really gets life. She's been bruised a few times and gotten up like a champion. She doesn't mince words and I couldn't appreciate her more. Her message to me is the same as it always is, "Hug your kids tight, every day and love every day you have!" Again, wisdom!
I'm so sad to say good bye to my co-worker. But she left her mark in my life. She made a difference on some level to me and who I am. For that I am grateful.
If you want to know they kind of life you want to lead, write your own Eulogy and say what you would want said about your life. Then live it that way!
I want my Eulogy to read that I was a true and genuine person. That I loved and was loved. That I made a difference in peoples lives, in a good way!
I know that my co-worker led a good life and I am proud of who she was! I send my love and prayers to her family. And a special prayer to my co-worker and friend! You mattered!!!
Happy Wednesday!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Go go gadget....
I was talking to a friend last night about my schedule and asked if it appears that I'm busy all the time on facebook. I don't really pay attention to the details of what I write, I just "Squirrel" out my thought and get on my way.
But as I think of that conversation, I'm wondering how I have time to sit here every morning, and why I do it!?!?!
Part of it is gratification to just put some ''words to paper" every day and help me think things out. And sometimes it is to get stuff out of my system since I think wayyy toooo muchhhh.........
But as I'm gearing up for my day, I'm practically starting them with heart palpitations. I'm working and heading from there to Avery's school to go over their holiday show routine (bring the music player) and then heading straight from there to a photo shoot (bring the camera), where I have negotiated the drop off of my daughters to dance with the woman who's kids I'm shooting. That takes my day right up to 4:30 or so until pickup at 7 (which Chris can do) and then onto homework and dinner for the kids, which will take us to 9:30 or 10.
I know we are all busy. I only have 2 kids. Can't imagine having 4 or 5 for that matter. Although, I have found those with multiple children have children who pitch in an lighten the load! Lesson to be learned right there, baby!!!
I have tried instilling a few chores here and there, but the girls' schedules overtake their time to do chores, so we're still tweaking. Saturday mornings seem to be that "free" time we need to do that, but honestly, who wants to run 7 days a week with a "to do" list. Not me! I get excited at the thought of sleeping in on a Saturday and Sunday. Call me a kid, but I call it a guilty indulgence! Unfortunately, sleeping in usually gets me an additional 45 minutes, because my body just wakes up! But that is okay. There's something about not having the alarm clock dictate your day that is appealing!!
My stuff is almost ready to go. Now, I need to work on me! Hair (blahhhh), and makeup. Gotta figure out what to wear this week for work (my least favorite thing to do).
However, it should be a good week. We have exciting new stuff to share, so it's like an early Christmas and I'm like a little Santa Clause - ette handing out the gifts. Definitely love new stuff!!!
If someone could take a nap for me today, I would totally appreciate it!!! Or....bring me a coffee.....like every hour..... :D
Happy Tuesday!
But as I think of that conversation, I'm wondering how I have time to sit here every morning, and why I do it!?!?!
Part of it is gratification to just put some ''words to paper" every day and help me think things out. And sometimes it is to get stuff out of my system since I think wayyy toooo muchhhh.........
But as I'm gearing up for my day, I'm practically starting them with heart palpitations. I'm working and heading from there to Avery's school to go over their holiday show routine (bring the music player) and then heading straight from there to a photo shoot (bring the camera), where I have negotiated the drop off of my daughters to dance with the woman who's kids I'm shooting. That takes my day right up to 4:30 or so until pickup at 7 (which Chris can do) and then onto homework and dinner for the kids, which will take us to 9:30 or 10.
I know we are all busy. I only have 2 kids. Can't imagine having 4 or 5 for that matter. Although, I have found those with multiple children have children who pitch in an lighten the load! Lesson to be learned right there, baby!!!
I have tried instilling a few chores here and there, but the girls' schedules overtake their time to do chores, so we're still tweaking. Saturday mornings seem to be that "free" time we need to do that, but honestly, who wants to run 7 days a week with a "to do" list. Not me! I get excited at the thought of sleeping in on a Saturday and Sunday. Call me a kid, but I call it a guilty indulgence! Unfortunately, sleeping in usually gets me an additional 45 minutes, because my body just wakes up! But that is okay. There's something about not having the alarm clock dictate your day that is appealing!!
My stuff is almost ready to go. Now, I need to work on me! Hair (blahhhh), and makeup. Gotta figure out what to wear this week for work (my least favorite thing to do).
However, it should be a good week. We have exciting new stuff to share, so it's like an early Christmas and I'm like a little Santa Clause - ette handing out the gifts. Definitely love new stuff!!!
If someone could take a nap for me today, I would totally appreciate it!!! Or....bring me a coffee.....like every hour..... :D
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Holiday Cheer
Last night we went to the Santa Ana Country Club for their annual Christmas party. It's a Cunningham tradition and a nice way to kick off the season. As I stared at familiar places around the club, I realized it had been a year or so since I saw those familiar faces. I don't know anyone else there than the family I went with, so to call these other faces "familiar" is as close as it gets.
They had caroler going around and singing any requested songs; we requested Carol of the Bells. These three women gave me chills. It was so nice to hear that song in a simple way. I think it's one of my new favorite songs.
They also had people from the North Pole there. You could point them out, because they were the most festive characters in the place. The walked around to all the tables and children and chatted and played with them. They were fun to just look at, let alone talk!
One elf in particular stopped over to see us. I can't remember his name, but I'm sure it would have been forgetful. His character was fantastic. He engaged the most resistant child in our group. Within minutes, we were all staring and listening to his tales of the North Pole and how santa sings Christmas songs and replaces "Santa" with "I" when he's singing them with the elves.
The stories this little guy weaved were fascinating. He knew all the answers to any question you would ask. As we were the last people leaving the event (don't get excited it wasn't even 8pm), we had a hard time leaving Mr. Elf as we wanted to take him with us.
We got our pictures taken with Santa, an annual traditon. I peaked at the girls sitting next to Santa, and their smiles were so big it made me smile! For years, one or the other would be fearful and not quite feel safe enough to be near this man. This year, they were nearly in his face, enjoying conversation and engaging in conversation. I got an adorable picture of Avery in between people. I just love her smile!
Happy Monday!
They had caroler going around and singing any requested songs; we requested Carol of the Bells. These three women gave me chills. It was so nice to hear that song in a simple way. I think it's one of my new favorite songs.
They also had people from the North Pole there. You could point them out, because they were the most festive characters in the place. The walked around to all the tables and children and chatted and played with them. They were fun to just look at, let alone talk!
One elf in particular stopped over to see us. I can't remember his name, but I'm sure it would have been forgetful. His character was fantastic. He engaged the most resistant child in our group. Within minutes, we were all staring and listening to his tales of the North Pole and how santa sings Christmas songs and replaces "Santa" with "I" when he's singing them with the elves.
The stories this little guy weaved were fascinating. He knew all the answers to any question you would ask. As we were the last people leaving the event (don't get excited it wasn't even 8pm), we had a hard time leaving Mr. Elf as we wanted to take him with us.
We got our pictures taken with Santa, an annual traditon. I peaked at the girls sitting next to Santa, and their smiles were so big it made me smile! For years, one or the other would be fearful and not quite feel safe enough to be near this man. This year, they were nearly in his face, enjoying conversation and engaging in conversation. I got an adorable picture of Avery in between people. I just love her smile!
All in all we had a good time. It's nice to get together with family. It seems it is not enough these days what with their schedules and all.
I really feel this event helped kick me more into the spirit of the holiday. I have some fun things planned for today, and with a little help, I'll get them done.
Here's to making the most of every day this month and enjoying every second we can with family.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Arguments and resolutions
I spent the better part of yesterday arguing...with like EVERYONE.
No resolution was found. And even had my own blog thrown in my face! Good times....good times. It's always nice to put yourself 'out there' in a vulnerable way, and have someone take the words and stockpile them to have ready for use at any given time. Makes me so proud to know my time is well spent!
I don't argue well. My mind doesn't work that fast. I'm very analytical and careful about what I say, because I want what I say to mean something and hit home. And since that rarely happens, I'm better to just keep my mouth shut.
I notice the physical toll it takes on my body, and I swear to you, my body can't handle it anymore. Arguments for some are mere words that are thrown, but for me it is a whole body experience.
Yesterday, my energy was so low, that when I drove my daughter to her friends house, I found myself almost swerving. I was that drained. I saw friends and they new something was amiss with me. I don't hide things well.
As I have gotten older, my desire to "engage" has waned. I used to be a pit bull, ready for fight at any time. But the more I got bit in the butt, the more I realized I need to be more careful.
Some arguments aren't mine. Yet, because I am an "easy" soul, people call and talk to me when things go wrong. Sometimes for support, sometimes for advice, sometimes for an ear.
There are times I listen and nearly have a bleeding tongue from biting it.
My mom always said, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for someday you may have to eat them". And trust me when I say I have eaten plenty. So I'm way more careful now.
My husband always shakes his head, because while I'm getting sucked in somewhere, he's usually holding my feet pulling me back. Thank God for him. I love a mans perspective. It's usually so much drier than a woman's!!!
We woman are very tightly wound like a ball of cotton. All the threads are tight and interwoven and you can't see where one end starts and another ends. Thus my many "Squirrel" moments a day! Men are more like ski slopes. They hit it hard and fast and land it every time. (I know a few women who think that fast and they freak me out). I don't communicate well with those people.
So to engage in an argument is like sitting there trying to sift through each strand in the cotton ball and it takes a loooooot of effort for me. I'm likely to cry before I give an answer.
I have finally learned this in my late 30s and early 40s. It's not worth it to argue.
Not to say a resolution can't be found. But sometimes it will just take a while.
Happy Sunday
No resolution was found. And even had my own blog thrown in my face! Good times....good times. It's always nice to put yourself 'out there' in a vulnerable way, and have someone take the words and stockpile them to have ready for use at any given time. Makes me so proud to know my time is well spent!
I don't argue well. My mind doesn't work that fast. I'm very analytical and careful about what I say, because I want what I say to mean something and hit home. And since that rarely happens, I'm better to just keep my mouth shut.
I notice the physical toll it takes on my body, and I swear to you, my body can't handle it anymore. Arguments for some are mere words that are thrown, but for me it is a whole body experience.
Yesterday, my energy was so low, that when I drove my daughter to her friends house, I found myself almost swerving. I was that drained. I saw friends and they new something was amiss with me. I don't hide things well.
As I have gotten older, my desire to "engage" has waned. I used to be a pit bull, ready for fight at any time. But the more I got bit in the butt, the more I realized I need to be more careful.
Some arguments aren't mine. Yet, because I am an "easy" soul, people call and talk to me when things go wrong. Sometimes for support, sometimes for advice, sometimes for an ear.
There are times I listen and nearly have a bleeding tongue from biting it.
My mom always said, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for someday you may have to eat them". And trust me when I say I have eaten plenty. So I'm way more careful now.
My husband always shakes his head, because while I'm getting sucked in somewhere, he's usually holding my feet pulling me back. Thank God for him. I love a mans perspective. It's usually so much drier than a woman's!!!
We woman are very tightly wound like a ball of cotton. All the threads are tight and interwoven and you can't see where one end starts and another ends. Thus my many "Squirrel" moments a day! Men are more like ski slopes. They hit it hard and fast and land it every time. (I know a few women who think that fast and they freak me out). I don't communicate well with those people.
So to engage in an argument is like sitting there trying to sift through each strand in the cotton ball and it takes a loooooot of effort for me. I'm likely to cry before I give an answer.
I have finally learned this in my late 30s and early 40s. It's not worth it to argue.
Not to say a resolution can't be found. But sometimes it will just take a while.
Happy Sunday
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Swirling To Do list
As Christmas presents have started piling in, it is going to be crucial not to LOSE them before said date!
The Christmas cards are out for family and friends, and now it's time to move on to the next category. Teachers and neighbors. ALL OF THEM.......
Neighbors aren't so hard, I'll just have to coordinate a baking time (if I go that route) and make sure the cards are ready to go with them.
The teachers however, it's easy to forget some. My kids have a large # of teachers for dance and school.
This is also the time of year you try to remember the "little" people - the ones who aren't in your life every day, but they are significant; The front office secretary at the school; the music teacher, the crossing guard, the gardener, etc......
This is where I get lost......
I realized this morning it is time to start taking inventory and compiling detailed lists about who what where and when. Many times in the past I have sent the same person two holiday cards while forgetting someone else altogether because I didn't keep an accurate list.
I'll be working on that list today.
I know some people started a while ago, but I'm not that person! People who stormed black Friday and consider themselves "done shopping" totally freak me out!!!!
I doubt I will ever be "that" person, but I will be the person who does her best to get by. I don't aspire to excellence....I'm fine with mediocrity.
Happy Saturday.
The Christmas cards are out for family and friends, and now it's time to move on to the next category. Teachers and neighbors. ALL OF THEM.......
Neighbors aren't so hard, I'll just have to coordinate a baking time (if I go that route) and make sure the cards are ready to go with them.
The teachers however, it's easy to forget some. My kids have a large # of teachers for dance and school.
This is also the time of year you try to remember the "little" people - the ones who aren't in your life every day, but they are significant; The front office secretary at the school; the music teacher, the crossing guard, the gardener, etc......
This is where I get lost......
I realized this morning it is time to start taking inventory and compiling detailed lists about who what where and when. Many times in the past I have sent the same person two holiday cards while forgetting someone else altogether because I didn't keep an accurate list.
I'll be working on that list today.
I know some people started a while ago, but I'm not that person! People who stormed black Friday and consider themselves "done shopping" totally freak me out!!!!
I doubt I will ever be "that" person, but I will be the person who does her best to get by. I don't aspire to excellence....I'm fine with mediocrity.
Happy Saturday.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Earplugs and windfactors....
Thank God for silicone earplugs. That's all I got to say!!!
Night before last the wind was kicking up so much that Avery came in. She is very much like me. Not a great sleeper and gets freaked out in the middle of the night.
Aspen on the other hand.....out like a light, just like her daddy!!!
I was sleeping fine until Avery came in, and after I woke up, the sound of the wind seemed like it was right on top of us.
When these things happen, my brain refers to news casts. I'm a visual person, so old scenes run through my head in worst case scenarios, aggravating my anxieties.
As the wind pulled up in what seemed 100 miles per hour, I could literally see the hands of the wind ripping the roof off our house. So I try to calm my thoughts and go back to the last time the winds kicked it up like this and our house is still standing and that is a good thing. I go back and forth in my head with each new gust that shakes the house a bit. And sound sleep escapes me the rest of the night......
And now I had a mini-me laying in my bed next to me, and I feel bad for what I created!
If Avery is anything like me, she has a long road ahead of her. Only not as long as mine, hopefully!
With each new generation we become a little more aware - a little more savvy. As I have had this anxiety for as long as I can remember, I know to keep an eye on her for the same signs.
But the one thing about my anxiety that I remember the most; is when I didn't realize I had it, I was afraid to share my thoughts with anyone. I didn't want to "infect" them and make them live in the same hell I did. Because if I told them how I was thinking, they would now be aware and they would be in fear too.
It was awful. My parents had no idea. I didn't really even know.
I see some of the same signs in Avery. She is hyper sensitive to certain things, just like I was. I will most definitely be keeping an eye on her.
It's so interesting to see exactly what is passed from generation to generation. I see signs of both of us in our kids. And I see signs from my mom and dad in me and my siblings. I guess those are the roots that run deep. My dad had anxiety, and from some of the stories my mom tells, I think my dads mom had it too. Weird huh? The gift that keeps on giving.....like a white elephant gift that you can't give away!!!
Hopefully with my awareness and keen ability to constantly talk to my kids (poor children, I know...) I can hopefully shed light to both my girls and save them some grief.
I know parents who don't communicate or spend time with their kids and I see a difference in who these children become. Communication really does make a difference. It is the best advice as a parent I have gotten. When the kids were babies my sister said, "They are like little Rain Men - tell them exactly what to expect and follow through as you say, and they will be okay!" (shout out to the Mo-ster). She was right. Letting them in on it and treating them as though you know they are there makes a big difference!!!
So, knowing the winds would kick up again last night, we gave Avery some earplugs to use as she slept. And they worked like a charm. And when she came into our bed, I didn't hear the doors in the house creak, because I too had earplugs in. Only hers fell out which is why she woke up; and mine didn't.....cuz I had silicone. Worked like a charm!!!
Happy Friday!!!
Night before last the wind was kicking up so much that Avery came in. She is very much like me. Not a great sleeper and gets freaked out in the middle of the night.
Aspen on the other hand.....out like a light, just like her daddy!!!
I was sleeping fine until Avery came in, and after I woke up, the sound of the wind seemed like it was right on top of us.
When these things happen, my brain refers to news casts. I'm a visual person, so old scenes run through my head in worst case scenarios, aggravating my anxieties.
As the wind pulled up in what seemed 100 miles per hour, I could literally see the hands of the wind ripping the roof off our house. So I try to calm my thoughts and go back to the last time the winds kicked it up like this and our house is still standing and that is a good thing. I go back and forth in my head with each new gust that shakes the house a bit. And sound sleep escapes me the rest of the night......
And now I had a mini-me laying in my bed next to me, and I feel bad for what I created!
If Avery is anything like me, she has a long road ahead of her. Only not as long as mine, hopefully!
With each new generation we become a little more aware - a little more savvy. As I have had this anxiety for as long as I can remember, I know to keep an eye on her for the same signs.
But the one thing about my anxiety that I remember the most; is when I didn't realize I had it, I was afraid to share my thoughts with anyone. I didn't want to "infect" them and make them live in the same hell I did. Because if I told them how I was thinking, they would now be aware and they would be in fear too.
It was awful. My parents had no idea. I didn't really even know.
I see some of the same signs in Avery. She is hyper sensitive to certain things, just like I was. I will most definitely be keeping an eye on her.
It's so interesting to see exactly what is passed from generation to generation. I see signs of both of us in our kids. And I see signs from my mom and dad in me and my siblings. I guess those are the roots that run deep. My dad had anxiety, and from some of the stories my mom tells, I think my dads mom had it too. Weird huh? The gift that keeps on giving.....like a white elephant gift that you can't give away!!!
Hopefully with my awareness and keen ability to constantly talk to my kids (poor children, I know...) I can hopefully shed light to both my girls and save them some grief.
I know parents who don't communicate or spend time with their kids and I see a difference in who these children become. Communication really does make a difference. It is the best advice as a parent I have gotten. When the kids were babies my sister said, "They are like little Rain Men - tell them exactly what to expect and follow through as you say, and they will be okay!" (shout out to the Mo-ster). She was right. Letting them in on it and treating them as though you know they are there makes a big difference!!!
So, knowing the winds would kick up again last night, we gave Avery some earplugs to use as she slept. And they worked like a charm. And when she came into our bed, I didn't hear the doors in the house creak, because I too had earplugs in. Only hers fell out which is why she woke up; and mine didn't.....cuz I had silicone. Worked like a charm!!!
Happy Friday!!!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Busy and justifying it
Yesterday I had a rude awakening. I am justifying my "busy".
Busy and productive are two very different things. I can be busy all day long, but not productive.
Sometimes that is a good thing. Sometimes.......not always.....
A few years ago, I got really burned out on volunteering at my kids school. I volunteered, and I got volunteered. At the time, it didn't bother me. But eventually, it caught up with me. I started feeling the pressure, and paying the price for overextending myself. The balance tipped the scale at over-doing. So I did what any other 'burn victim' would do. I pulled back.
And unfortunately, there were victims. My kids.
I started realizing that delicate balance between, kids and others and self. But I couldn't figure out how much weight to give to each.
Last night, as I sat at dance, for two hours, I felt like I was 'wasting' time. And that is when it hit me......
I am watching my child grow, while participating in class, and I am calling this wasting time? When did my priorities get so off kilter?
This is where I should be. I should be helping out in my kids classes -if only for an hour a week, to show my presence and that I care. But because I am 'busy' (not to be mistaken for productive) I have been mislead to believe that I can't find the time. And worst of all, I justify it.
Well, it is definitely time to rebalance the scales and be present for my children. I have been missing them.
Imagine how they have been feeling!!
Happy Thursday
Busy and productive are two very different things. I can be busy all day long, but not productive.
Sometimes that is a good thing. Sometimes.......not always.....
A few years ago, I got really burned out on volunteering at my kids school. I volunteered, and I got volunteered. At the time, it didn't bother me. But eventually, it caught up with me. I started feeling the pressure, and paying the price for overextending myself. The balance tipped the scale at over-doing. So I did what any other 'burn victim' would do. I pulled back.
And unfortunately, there were victims. My kids.
I started realizing that delicate balance between, kids and others and self. But I couldn't figure out how much weight to give to each.
Last night, as I sat at dance, for two hours, I felt like I was 'wasting' time. And that is when it hit me......
I am watching my child grow, while participating in class, and I am calling this wasting time? When did my priorities get so off kilter?
This is where I should be. I should be helping out in my kids classes -if only for an hour a week, to show my presence and that I care. But because I am 'busy' (not to be mistaken for productive) I have been mislead to believe that I can't find the time. And worst of all, I justify it.
Well, it is definitely time to rebalance the scales and be present for my children. I have been missing them.
Imagine how they have been feeling!!
Happy Thursday
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