I got up at 6 and I already feel like I'm running behind.
Today is the reunion at the park. T W E N T Y F I V E Y E A R S..............
And though it is very low key, my mind is racing with this and that, and I'm putting more stuff on my plate, so there ya go. I'm behind.
I didn't officially sign up for this job. I simply asked, "Are we meeting for our 25th?"..... and just like that - I was elected.
I did have a little help. But to be honest, the whole thing was put together in a few calls. It is seriously nothing fancy.
I know people will complain, but it is what it is at this point. A day at the park with families; and a night at a bar with just the adults.
Easy peasy.
I'm not one for pomp and circumstance. As a matter of fact my attire includes a pair of ripped shorts, because I didn't have time to shop for anything new. - Attractive, no?
In reunion's of past, it was awkward. You would say, "HI!!! So...what have you been up to these last years". And people would tell you.
Now with Facebook, we know so much more about each other and in the last 5 years I have gained more 'friendships' than classmates. I know who's a good cook; what vacations people took (and who they went with). I know who has children and their names and ages (if I can remember).
My thought for the day is this will be a very comfortable gathering. (or those are my high hopes).
I know some people will get nervous, but within minutes (and maybe a little liquid courage), conversations will be flowing in no time.
Also, for the day, the kids will be there (sans mine). So it will be a nice distraction from the nerves if anyone has any.
I made cookies to share. Not sure what's going on for lunch. Everyone is bringing their own stuff. But it should be fun.
Tonite we will gather at a local bar and hang some more.
It is said that Facebook is killing the reunion 'business'. I can see how that can be the case. People are so used to seeing each other that it negates the need for a formal gathering.
However, in my opinion, you can post as many pictures as you'd like. It doesn't replace the face to face interaction; the sounds of actual conversation and laughter....or a hug.
Today will be fun. I'm looking forward to seeing whomever decides to show. And if it's only one or two people....we'll have plenty to talk about!
Happy Saturday
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Gut Instinct in Colorado
Okay, people are just CRAZY!!!! In 5 minutes I read about a nut in Colorado who opened fire in a movie theater. And in Philadelphia a man was caught on video trying to abduct a 10 year old girl....who was walking with her 2 year old brother!!!
Now, I know there are sick people out there and always have been....but why does it seem to be that there are more and more freaks nowadays than 20 or 30 years ago?
I am sure that part of it is because we have the Internet and camera's on every corner of the world.
But do you ever wonder what causes these sick people and doesn't anyone notice something is wrong with then before the commit their acts???
In the instance of James Holmes; the guy at the movie theater.....His mother said 'on gut instinct' "You have the right guy!"
SERIOUSLY????????????
She lives in California and he lives in Colorado and based on her gut instinct, she knows that her son did this??
I'm sorry lady.....WHY WAS THERE NO CALL TO THE POLICE THAT A PSYCHO LIVED IN COLORADO AS A POTENTIAL THREAT????
Are you living 3 states away from your son out of FEAR????
My mother always taught me, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for some day you may have to EAT them!" So I'm holding back.
As a mother I know my kids will do their own bidding's. And I know as a child, I certainly didn't follow every piece of advice from my own parents.
But I also never walked around with a ton of arsenal of life ending accessories!!!!
I swear people raise children they are afraid of. They refuse to tell their children "No" for fear they will be 'upset'.....
I know a very wise lady who advised me one time when my daughter was going off to middle school. She said to tell her, "You know who you are! You know our family values and you act accordingly".
Our family values......
To teach right from wrong; the Golden Rule; The Ten Commandments......that you don't always get what you want in life. That if you work hard....eventually it will pay off!!!!
Does anyone teach that anymore?
More often than not, kids learn by example. However, what I have seen many times is unbalanced children being placated by their parents and society because we are all so stretched thin that we don't have the time to stop and look at what is before us.
And as a result, the one being ignored is just in need of a little attention and a little correction.
If that doesn't happen then the internalizing process starts to take over. A kid in their head who can't process their thoughts. Pretty soon they are displaying signs in small ways that get overlooked, because no one is paying attention. And it grows from there......
Now that isn't always the case. But the truth is, in a situation like this Movie Theater catastrophe - my brain wants to put the pieces together and figure it out. And though it's natural to blame the mother, I usually throw leniency, because I myself would not want to be blamed. After all, when a kid turns 18....they are on their own.....
But when a mother says, "You've got the right person"...... doesn't that just turn your stomach a little?
It will be interesting to see how this story unfolds. A dozen people are already dead and a mother is flying back to Colorado to be with her 'accused' son. There is no righting this wrong.
But I can't help but wonder....could it have been prevented if someone - anyone just paid a little closer attention......
Praying for the families in Colorado... My heart goes out to you all.
And to the victims....Rest in Peace
Now, I know there are sick people out there and always have been....but why does it seem to be that there are more and more freaks nowadays than 20 or 30 years ago?
I am sure that part of it is because we have the Internet and camera's on every corner of the world.
But do you ever wonder what causes these sick people and doesn't anyone notice something is wrong with then before the commit their acts???
In the instance of James Holmes; the guy at the movie theater.....His mother said 'on gut instinct' "You have the right guy!"
SERIOUSLY????????????
She lives in California and he lives in Colorado and based on her gut instinct, she knows that her son did this??
I'm sorry lady.....WHY WAS THERE NO CALL TO THE POLICE THAT A PSYCHO LIVED IN COLORADO AS A POTENTIAL THREAT????
Are you living 3 states away from your son out of FEAR????
My mother always taught me, "Sweeten your words with sugar, for some day you may have to EAT them!" So I'm holding back.
As a mother I know my kids will do their own bidding's. And I know as a child, I certainly didn't follow every piece of advice from my own parents.
But I also never walked around with a ton of arsenal of life ending accessories!!!!
I swear people raise children they are afraid of. They refuse to tell their children "No" for fear they will be 'upset'.....
I know a very wise lady who advised me one time when my daughter was going off to middle school. She said to tell her, "You know who you are! You know our family values and you act accordingly".
Our family values......
To teach right from wrong; the Golden Rule; The Ten Commandments......that you don't always get what you want in life. That if you work hard....eventually it will pay off!!!!
Does anyone teach that anymore?
More often than not, kids learn by example. However, what I have seen many times is unbalanced children being placated by their parents and society because we are all so stretched thin that we don't have the time to stop and look at what is before us.
And as a result, the one being ignored is just in need of a little attention and a little correction.
If that doesn't happen then the internalizing process starts to take over. A kid in their head who can't process their thoughts. Pretty soon they are displaying signs in small ways that get overlooked, because no one is paying attention. And it grows from there......
Now that isn't always the case. But the truth is, in a situation like this Movie Theater catastrophe - my brain wants to put the pieces together and figure it out. And though it's natural to blame the mother, I usually throw leniency, because I myself would not want to be blamed. After all, when a kid turns 18....they are on their own.....
But when a mother says, "You've got the right person"...... doesn't that just turn your stomach a little?
It will be interesting to see how this story unfolds. A dozen people are already dead and a mother is flying back to Colorado to be with her 'accused' son. There is no righting this wrong.
But I can't help but wonder....could it have been prevented if someone - anyone just paid a little closer attention......
Praying for the families in Colorado... My heart goes out to you all.
And to the victims....Rest in Peace
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Countdown to reunion......
I swear I should start writing my blog at night. Right before bed my mind starts reeling on different things. The ideas are practically FLYING through my head. But by morning, I have slept them away and it takes about a gallon of coffee to bring them back. And I don't quite reach a gallon of coffee..... so here I am.....
It's two days until my reunion. 25 years. Jeez almighty. Where has the time gone?
Though it feels like yesterday, I struggle to formulate one memory from high school. It wasn't my favorite time. And I have no idea how I graduated, because my GPA was so low, it was embarrassing. But here I am 25 years later...they let me walk.
What's happened since then?
A lot. And not that much.
Isn't it funny how time passes? There are days you think will never end and years you can't remember? So weird.
I never thought I would look back on my yearbooks and say, "Who was that?" or "I don't remember them at all!" But I do.
I had a Teacher one time many many years ago say, "Make sure you put the last names when you sign the yearbooks. You WON'T remember them later, trust me!"
I thought to myself; "You are crazy lady...I will NEVER forget these people...." Guess what I tell my kids every year... (and they don't listen just like me).
The sad thing is; some of these kids were classmates since KINDERGARTEN....... and I don't remember them
I remember seeing an episode of Married with Children. Kelly (the daugher) was a stereotypical blond. The brother was way smarter and in one of the episodes, he had to help Kelly learn for a test.
When the parents checked in after a few days, Kelly was able to recite whatever information she needed. The parents were astounded.
The son said that because the daughter only has so much capacity in her brain, she may have forgotten other things in her life.
Then the doorbell rang. And the daughter looked around and said, "What's that noise?"
I have thought about that episode so many times over the years, because I truly believe my brain is maxed out on space and bumps old information as necessary.
Unfortunately; some of my schoolmates have hit the editing room floor along the way of my life.
Thankfully with Facebook I have reconnected or reintroduced myself to many and I will be seeing a few of those this weekend.
You know getting older is a mixed bag.... As a kid, you can't WAIT to grow older. You aren't 11 you are 11 and a HALF.....or almost 12. Then by the time you get to your 40s you are doing your best to forget your birthdays and duck under the radar as much as possible!!!
However, I wouldn't go back if I had the choice (well, except of course to see a few people who have since passed).
The insecurities and false sense of self. The acting cooler than you are scene.... ughhh... no thank you.
One thing I do remember as a kid....being oblivious of the issues I would have to face as an adult. And though I'm still oblivious to so many things in so many ways....I am way okay with where I am.
It will be fun to visit with everyone this weekend. Actually see them face to face.
Most of the people I am seeing were not from the circles I ran in high school. So thankfully when they say, "Remember when....?" I won't really have to because I wasn't a part of it and if I was, I wouldn't remember anyway so what's the difference right????
Here's to reminiscing and being at peace.
Happy Thursday
It's two days until my reunion. 25 years. Jeez almighty. Where has the time gone?
Though it feels like yesterday, I struggle to formulate one memory from high school. It wasn't my favorite time. And I have no idea how I graduated, because my GPA was so low, it was embarrassing. But here I am 25 years later...they let me walk.
What's happened since then?
A lot. And not that much.
Isn't it funny how time passes? There are days you think will never end and years you can't remember? So weird.
I never thought I would look back on my yearbooks and say, "Who was that?" or "I don't remember them at all!" But I do.
I had a Teacher one time many many years ago say, "Make sure you put the last names when you sign the yearbooks. You WON'T remember them later, trust me!"
I thought to myself; "You are crazy lady...I will NEVER forget these people...." Guess what I tell my kids every year... (and they don't listen just like me).
The sad thing is; some of these kids were classmates since KINDERGARTEN....... and I don't remember them
I remember seeing an episode of Married with Children. Kelly (the daugher) was a stereotypical blond. The brother was way smarter and in one of the episodes, he had to help Kelly learn for a test.
When the parents checked in after a few days, Kelly was able to recite whatever information she needed. The parents were astounded.
The son said that because the daughter only has so much capacity in her brain, she may have forgotten other things in her life.
Then the doorbell rang. And the daughter looked around and said, "What's that noise?"
I have thought about that episode so many times over the years, because I truly believe my brain is maxed out on space and bumps old information as necessary.
Unfortunately; some of my schoolmates have hit the editing room floor along the way of my life.
Thankfully with Facebook I have reconnected or reintroduced myself to many and I will be seeing a few of those this weekend.
You know getting older is a mixed bag.... As a kid, you can't WAIT to grow older. You aren't 11 you are 11 and a HALF.....or almost 12. Then by the time you get to your 40s you are doing your best to forget your birthdays and duck under the radar as much as possible!!!
However, I wouldn't go back if I had the choice (well, except of course to see a few people who have since passed).
The insecurities and false sense of self. The acting cooler than you are scene.... ughhh... no thank you.
One thing I do remember as a kid....being oblivious of the issues I would have to face as an adult. And though I'm still oblivious to so many things in so many ways....I am way okay with where I am.
It will be fun to visit with everyone this weekend. Actually see them face to face.
Most of the people I am seeing were not from the circles I ran in high school. So thankfully when they say, "Remember when....?" I won't really have to because I wasn't a part of it and if I was, I wouldn't remember anyway so what's the difference right????
Here's to reminiscing and being at peace.
Happy Thursday
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Getting back to it
SO - I joined a gym. LA Fitness to be exact.
On this break of mine, I want to get back to the shape I'm familiar with. As I watch everyone's posts on facebook about their daily workouts, and I see people around me getting skinnier; I have found myself more or less stagnant at my desk.
The problem has been finding time.
It amazes me how I can lose 52 lbs with 2 years of hard work and determination; keep it off for another 2 with no problem....and then start sinking into very old habits... And I let them sink back in.
Now, as a Weight Watchers leader, I see people coming back all the time. And their answer is always the same about why they gained their weight back, 'I thought I had it'.
Translation: I thought I was cured!!!!
I can honestly say, with as much as I would like to eat ALL DAY LONG, I know I will NEVER be cured of my weight issues.
I see it so clearly in my kids. Aspen has NO issues like me. When she is done eating - satisfied if you will - she wants nothing more to do with food.
Where Avery has my tendencies.... If she see's food, she'd like to take a bite.
I have said it before; I am raising me and my sister. Somehow there was a lesson in my life that I didn't get and God has sent me our Mini-me's to learn a lesson or something. And I'm sure Dad is laughing his tushy off in heaven every time Avery screams a fit at me.
But I digress.....
Though I haven't fallen that much off track; it has been showing a pattern. And THAT is what I am concerned about. Because that is how it starts.
One pattern was, "I don't have time to exercise" or "I will do it later today". And "later" never came. THAT was an old pattern.
I used to think I was active and so then it was no problem. But when you are jogging 3-6 miles a few times a week and doing strength training in between.....there is no daily activity to catch you up to that unless you are a waitress or door to door salesman.
I was fooling myself!!!
And in the process, I was watching my body lose its tight shape and start to get looser..... (*heavy sigh).
My sister has always "JUST" done things. She did jazzercise and then decided to become an instructor. Same with Pilate's. Then she took up running and now tours Europe to do Marathons. (I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I write....). For her it's a "Just do it" mentality.
YA...... totally didn't get that gene......
(*look of disdain on my face).....
SO..... What does that mean for me?
I have to work me ARSE off to even THINK about getting my shoes on to exercise. And I have to talk myself all the way through it.
I decided that IF I join a gym; I will go there every day for at least 30 minutes. And I will try classes to see what they are like. My first class was SPIN.
Have you ever taken a Spin Class??? I don't even ride a bike on a regular basis. But the bikes look cool and they do the class in the dark so no one can stare at my butt (which is what they all do, right?).
Now just to qualify....part of taking a class is not knowing what to do or why to do it. I'm a "why" person. If you want me to run up a hill full boar in 30 seconds or less, you better tell me some amazing benefits I will get from it, or I will just run it at my own pace.
So when I tell you this Spin teacher was amazing - you'd better believe it.
I knew spin was going to suck. I did it once before and I yelled at myself in my head for the first 20 minutes about "how'd I get here?" Then muddled through the class.
This time as I took a spot on my bike, the instructor was already started and was explaining how this is the time to make sure the bike is set properly for each body. She explained how much my leg should be extending; she explained the monitor on the bike and what each number meant and where we should target as we were peddling. This girl talked us through every single minute of the class.
I knew why I was doing it, how long I would be doing it, what RPM my bike should be at and most importantly that, 'It's really easy to cheat in Spin, but you should know you will get out what you put in and you should push yourself to feel uncomfortable to get the best benefits from the class....."
And just like that; I was in love!!!
I don't know if other instructors are that way, but I now know what I can look for in an instructor. I know my Pilates teacher is the same way and I adore him.
Why is this such a big deal? Because I spent a whole year with an instructor that forgot to mention where my weight should be shifted for certain moves and my body is still recovering from that.... :(
Good instructors make all the difference in the world. That goes for WW leaders too. You should always find someone who can guide you, build you up, challenge you and inform you.
With this awesome first experience at the gym, I'm looking forward to more classes; both in Spin and others. I'm going to explore as much as possible.
And though I will never be like my sister; I will always have to push myself harder and talk more to myself to constantly remind me that I will never be cured. But if I want results, I have to put the work in.
I'm glad I realize the difference between me and my sister. For years I thought something was wrong with me. Now I realize that she was adopted.
(not really).
It's all good. I'm glad that I'm pushing myself again. I have exercise scheduled every day this week. And next week will be the same. I will try some night classes (probably spin with same instructor). I have to make sure I have options at all times of the day.
It's not easy, but it is necessary. Obesity is a real problem in this country. And I do NOT want to be part of the problem, I'd rather be part of the solution!!
Happy Wednesday!!!
On this break of mine, I want to get back to the shape I'm familiar with. As I watch everyone's posts on facebook about their daily workouts, and I see people around me getting skinnier; I have found myself more or less stagnant at my desk.
The problem has been finding time.
It amazes me how I can lose 52 lbs with 2 years of hard work and determination; keep it off for another 2 with no problem....and then start sinking into very old habits... And I let them sink back in.
Now, as a Weight Watchers leader, I see people coming back all the time. And their answer is always the same about why they gained their weight back, 'I thought I had it'.
Translation: I thought I was cured!!!!
I can honestly say, with as much as I would like to eat ALL DAY LONG, I know I will NEVER be cured of my weight issues.
I see it so clearly in my kids. Aspen has NO issues like me. When she is done eating - satisfied if you will - she wants nothing more to do with food.
Where Avery has my tendencies.... If she see's food, she'd like to take a bite.
I have said it before; I am raising me and my sister. Somehow there was a lesson in my life that I didn't get and God has sent me our Mini-me's to learn a lesson or something. And I'm sure Dad is laughing his tushy off in heaven every time Avery screams a fit at me.
But I digress.....
Though I haven't fallen that much off track; it has been showing a pattern. And THAT is what I am concerned about. Because that is how it starts.
One pattern was, "I don't have time to exercise" or "I will do it later today". And "later" never came. THAT was an old pattern.
I used to think I was active and so then it was no problem. But when you are jogging 3-6 miles a few times a week and doing strength training in between.....there is no daily activity to catch you up to that unless you are a waitress or door to door salesman.
I was fooling myself!!!
And in the process, I was watching my body lose its tight shape and start to get looser..... (*heavy sigh).
My sister has always "JUST" done things. She did jazzercise and then decided to become an instructor. Same with Pilate's. Then she took up running and now tours Europe to do Marathons. (I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I write....). For her it's a "Just do it" mentality.
YA...... totally didn't get that gene......
(*look of disdain on my face).....
SO..... What does that mean for me?
I have to work me ARSE off to even THINK about getting my shoes on to exercise. And I have to talk myself all the way through it.
I decided that IF I join a gym; I will go there every day for at least 30 minutes. And I will try classes to see what they are like. My first class was SPIN.
Have you ever taken a Spin Class??? I don't even ride a bike on a regular basis. But the bikes look cool and they do the class in the dark so no one can stare at my butt (which is what they all do, right?).
Now just to qualify....part of taking a class is not knowing what to do or why to do it. I'm a "why" person. If you want me to run up a hill full boar in 30 seconds or less, you better tell me some amazing benefits I will get from it, or I will just run it at my own pace.
So when I tell you this Spin teacher was amazing - you'd better believe it.
I knew spin was going to suck. I did it once before and I yelled at myself in my head for the first 20 minutes about "how'd I get here?" Then muddled through the class.
This time as I took a spot on my bike, the instructor was already started and was explaining how this is the time to make sure the bike is set properly for each body. She explained how much my leg should be extending; she explained the monitor on the bike and what each number meant and where we should target as we were peddling. This girl talked us through every single minute of the class.
I knew why I was doing it, how long I would be doing it, what RPM my bike should be at and most importantly that, 'It's really easy to cheat in Spin, but you should know you will get out what you put in and you should push yourself to feel uncomfortable to get the best benefits from the class....."
And just like that; I was in love!!!
I don't know if other instructors are that way, but I now know what I can look for in an instructor. I know my Pilates teacher is the same way and I adore him.
Why is this such a big deal? Because I spent a whole year with an instructor that forgot to mention where my weight should be shifted for certain moves and my body is still recovering from that.... :(
Good instructors make all the difference in the world. That goes for WW leaders too. You should always find someone who can guide you, build you up, challenge you and inform you.
With this awesome first experience at the gym, I'm looking forward to more classes; both in Spin and others. I'm going to explore as much as possible.
And though I will never be like my sister; I will always have to push myself harder and talk more to myself to constantly remind me that I will never be cured. But if I want results, I have to put the work in.
I'm glad I realize the difference between me and my sister. For years I thought something was wrong with me. Now I realize that she was adopted.
(not really).
It's all good. I'm glad that I'm pushing myself again. I have exercise scheduled every day this week. And next week will be the same. I will try some night classes (probably spin with same instructor). I have to make sure I have options at all times of the day.
It's not easy, but it is necessary. Obesity is a real problem in this country. And I do NOT want to be part of the problem, I'd rather be part of the solution!!
Happy Wednesday!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Who gives you the right to be happy?
What gives YOU the right to be happy???
My dad asked me this question after I quit my job at the bank when I was 19 years old. .
.............
I looked at him like he had antennas coming out of his head. (and I'm sure he thought the same about me).
What a question to ask. For years I scratched my head wondering who would buy into his philosophy. As I got older it started making sense to me.
In his world there was no option. He grew up a hard working man. I would venture to say the hardest in his family (maybe aside from his eldest sister who probably helped raising all the kids.) He had 4 siblings; just like I did.
My dad worked hard from the time he was a child. He put himself through college and became a patent attorney, He knew about every side trade as well. He could build or repair cars, build cabinets, fix plumbing, do electrical and he could even whip up a lovely set of pleated curtains or sew a nice button down shirt for his kids (which he did do).
He was amazing.
He knew how to have fun. But when it came to taking care of his family, fun wasn't an option. He worked his job because he had to. There were no options when it came to taking care of his family. It had to be done.
Nowadays we have so many "outs" that it almost seems like being responsible is an option.
I knew when my dad passed, he was a dying breed. I honestly don't know anyone who was like him with his skills. My little brother probably took away the most skills. Although my oldest brothers pretty able as well.
As I think back on my dad, I respect him. We kids didn't know any different, because we had what we wanted. I didn't realize it was probably at a cost to him and his happiness.
I know he had happy moments. We did many things together. We had a boat for a short period of time. We had a camper when we were younger. One of my favorite memories is when we were asleep in the camper and I would wake to my mom and dad whispering quietly. I don't know why I love that memory so much, but I can still hear them talking sometimes.
I do believe we have a choice to be happy. I know it's hard to find it sometimes, but we do have a choice. Even when we are stressed out; you can have happy moments.
I have so many memories that make me smile I refuse to let them go. Sometimes they are what keeps me sane when I'm about to lose it.
Last night I got to go to the beach and take pictures. It was such a nice night, I loved the breeze on my face and the smell of the salty air. I was with my mom, who I deposited with the kids on a short wall as I shot. I looked over at one point and the tide was getting higher. The water was coming up to the wall. And instead of my mom moving....she just lifted her legs every time the water came in. It was such an amusing sight. She's not going to let a little tide get in her way of enjoying the moment.
I feel sad for people who have no joy.
When my dad asked me that question so many years ago, I know he was coming from a place of "being an adult comes with choices that don't always make us happy". But still; when he asked me that question, "Who gives you the right to be happy?" (and he was just inches from my face because this was a serious stand off), I simply looked him square in the eye and said, "I DO!!!"
I really don't remember what happened after that. I think I threw him a little bit with my answer.
It's kind of reminiscent of the other day when I asked Avery, "Is making all that noise necessary?" and her response was simply, "YES". For a moment, I wanted to scold her, but I was so impressed that she didn't back down in front of me that she kind of taught me a lesson. It's not all about me.
My dad found humor in me sometimes. But what I think he loved the most is that despite his numerous efforts to get me to take his path.... I went in my own direction. And I succeeded.
He once apologized to me for trying to force his thoughts into my life. He told me that he was wrong to try to get me to live life his way. He told me that he believed I would succeed in anything I chose to do. I will never forget that day.
For those of you out there trying to get me to see your way of thinking.... I hear what you are saying, but I am not you. And I'm sorry if me isn't what you want. I can only do what I do.
Happiness comes when you accept who you are. People will inevitably try to get you to see their way is better. But truth is; it's just different.
I learned a lot of lessons from my dad. Some he meant to teach....and others simply because I just learned.
I miss him terribly. But I'm so thankful for all he gave me. He was a genuine, no bulls*it person. Very much like myself. And for who I have become, I wouldn't change a thing of what I went through.
Happy Tuesday
My dad asked me this question after I quit my job at the bank when I was 19 years old. .
.............
I looked at him like he had antennas coming out of his head. (and I'm sure he thought the same about me).
What a question to ask. For years I scratched my head wondering who would buy into his philosophy. As I got older it started making sense to me.
In his world there was no option. He grew up a hard working man. I would venture to say the hardest in his family (maybe aside from his eldest sister who probably helped raising all the kids.) He had 4 siblings; just like I did.
My dad worked hard from the time he was a child. He put himself through college and became a patent attorney, He knew about every side trade as well. He could build or repair cars, build cabinets, fix plumbing, do electrical and he could even whip up a lovely set of pleated curtains or sew a nice button down shirt for his kids (which he did do).
He was amazing.
He knew how to have fun. But when it came to taking care of his family, fun wasn't an option. He worked his job because he had to. There were no options when it came to taking care of his family. It had to be done.
Nowadays we have so many "outs" that it almost seems like being responsible is an option.
I knew when my dad passed, he was a dying breed. I honestly don't know anyone who was like him with his skills. My little brother probably took away the most skills. Although my oldest brothers pretty able as well.
As I think back on my dad, I respect him. We kids didn't know any different, because we had what we wanted. I didn't realize it was probably at a cost to him and his happiness.
I know he had happy moments. We did many things together. We had a boat for a short period of time. We had a camper when we were younger. One of my favorite memories is when we were asleep in the camper and I would wake to my mom and dad whispering quietly. I don't know why I love that memory so much, but I can still hear them talking sometimes.
I do believe we have a choice to be happy. I know it's hard to find it sometimes, but we do have a choice. Even when we are stressed out; you can have happy moments.
I have so many memories that make me smile I refuse to let them go. Sometimes they are what keeps me sane when I'm about to lose it.
Last night I got to go to the beach and take pictures. It was such a nice night, I loved the breeze on my face and the smell of the salty air. I was with my mom, who I deposited with the kids on a short wall as I shot. I looked over at one point and the tide was getting higher. The water was coming up to the wall. And instead of my mom moving....she just lifted her legs every time the water came in. It was such an amusing sight. She's not going to let a little tide get in her way of enjoying the moment.
I feel sad for people who have no joy.
When my dad asked me that question so many years ago, I know he was coming from a place of "being an adult comes with choices that don't always make us happy". But still; when he asked me that question, "Who gives you the right to be happy?" (and he was just inches from my face because this was a serious stand off), I simply looked him square in the eye and said, "I DO!!!"
I really don't remember what happened after that. I think I threw him a little bit with my answer.
It's kind of reminiscent of the other day when I asked Avery, "Is making all that noise necessary?" and her response was simply, "YES". For a moment, I wanted to scold her, but I was so impressed that she didn't back down in front of me that she kind of taught me a lesson. It's not all about me.
My dad found humor in me sometimes. But what I think he loved the most is that despite his numerous efforts to get me to take his path.... I went in my own direction. And I succeeded.
He once apologized to me for trying to force his thoughts into my life. He told me that he was wrong to try to get me to live life his way. He told me that he believed I would succeed in anything I chose to do. I will never forget that day.
For those of you out there trying to get me to see your way of thinking.... I hear what you are saying, but I am not you. And I'm sorry if me isn't what you want. I can only do what I do.
Happiness comes when you accept who you are. People will inevitably try to get you to see their way is better. But truth is; it's just different.
I learned a lot of lessons from my dad. Some he meant to teach....and others simply because I just learned.
I miss him terribly. But I'm so thankful for all he gave me. He was a genuine, no bulls*it person. Very much like myself. And for who I have become, I wouldn't change a thing of what I went through.
Happy Tuesday
Sunday, July 15, 2012
You need a checker
Do you have a checker in your life? Someone who sets you right, no matter what?? If you don't; people are either afraid of you, can't be bothered, or you think you are perfect and in need of no one. (In which case, how many friends to you really have??)
I have come to realize we are all good at something. Strengths and weaknesses. All of us. Every one. No one is good at everything!!
I realized this last night as I was complaining to my BFF that my house is a mess and there is no hope for me. Julie (my BFF) is REALLY good at many things. She has a good brain and puts things together really easily. As she sat at dinner; trying to set me right on my beliefs; I couldn't help but feel depleted.
You ever feel like you say the same complaints over and over again so much that you are sick of hearing yourself??? If you have read my blog more than 5 days ever - you know what I'm talking about!!
I feel insufficient in so many ways. The house is a mess; the hubby gets frustrated; the kids don't listen, you can't formulate a thought.....over and over and over again!!! One can't help but feel like a failure......
Ever feel that way??
But then as dinner settles, and I get ready for the week: I realize I need to make breakfast burritos for the kids to grab and nuke.. As I'm scrambling the eggs and adding the pre-cooked sausage, I stir it up in 2 minutes flat. Julie takes the concoction and spins it into the perfect burrito (as she had years of experience with this), she hands it to me, I throw it in aluminum foil and onto the next until we are all done. 10 burritos in10 minutes. I ask her if she would like to take some home. She says, "Absolutely" (more or less)
I said, 'Julie; this is so easy to make, why don't you "just" throw them together at home?'
She said, "Well, Cat, though this is easy for YOU.....it's just not my thing!!!"
BAZINGA...... I just got a checker.
We all have our strengths.
And while I was beating myself up for all the 'crap' that I can't do easily....there are plenty of things that I CAN do easily. And it takes someone else to set me straight!!
We all need a checker in our lives. Someone to check in with and realize "we are good" the way we are!!
Alanis Morisette sings a song; "That I would be good"
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds......
That I would be loved.....
We need to realize that we ARE good. We are exactly as we were meant to be. We strive to be perfect; but perfect doesn't exist!!! And the people who act perfect are so freaky that they are uncomfortable to be around - wouldn't you agree???
My favorite people in the WORLD are the ones I have seen at their worst. Or the ones who have seen me at my worst...and are still my friend. The ones who hear my deepest thoughts and don't flinch..... the ones I have fought with-and talked it through.....the ones who see my house as it is....and want to come back because I am there - not because of what's on the floor.
My favorite people in the world know exactly who I am and love me anyways!!!
I have many checkers in my life. They aren't afraid to give me their honest thoughts. If I'm being a sh*t, they tell me. If I'm not to blame, they let me know.
We all need people to tell us what we don't want to hear. But also people who accept us as we are.
We are all unique. I say this often. Today it bears repeating.
I will never be an organized or consistent person. But it's that person who will run off to the beach at a moments notice with some kid we picked up along the way because they happened to be available.
That works for me. But it doesn't work for everyone.
I'm thankful for the moments when I am reminded of this. Because I HATE feeling insufficient.
Thanks to my checker, I realize I'm not insuffient.... I'm just.....me!
Happy Monday!
I have come to realize we are all good at something. Strengths and weaknesses. All of us. Every one. No one is good at everything!!
I realized this last night as I was complaining to my BFF that my house is a mess and there is no hope for me. Julie (my BFF) is REALLY good at many things. She has a good brain and puts things together really easily. As she sat at dinner; trying to set me right on my beliefs; I couldn't help but feel depleted.
You ever feel like you say the same complaints over and over again so much that you are sick of hearing yourself??? If you have read my blog more than 5 days ever - you know what I'm talking about!!
I feel insufficient in so many ways. The house is a mess; the hubby gets frustrated; the kids don't listen, you can't formulate a thought.....over and over and over again!!! One can't help but feel like a failure......
Ever feel that way??
But then as dinner settles, and I get ready for the week: I realize I need to make breakfast burritos for the kids to grab and nuke.. As I'm scrambling the eggs and adding the pre-cooked sausage, I stir it up in 2 minutes flat. Julie takes the concoction and spins it into the perfect burrito (as she had years of experience with this), she hands it to me, I throw it in aluminum foil and onto the next until we are all done. 10 burritos in10 minutes. I ask her if she would like to take some home. She says, "Absolutely" (more or less)
I said, 'Julie; this is so easy to make, why don't you "just" throw them together at home?'
She said, "Well, Cat, though this is easy for YOU.....it's just not my thing!!!"
BAZINGA...... I just got a checker.
We all have our strengths.
And while I was beating myself up for all the 'crap' that I can't do easily....there are plenty of things that I CAN do easily. And it takes someone else to set me straight!!
We all need a checker in our lives. Someone to check in with and realize "we are good" the way we are!!
Alanis Morisette sings a song; "That I would be good"
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds......
That I would be loved.....
We need to realize that we ARE good. We are exactly as we were meant to be. We strive to be perfect; but perfect doesn't exist!!! And the people who act perfect are so freaky that they are uncomfortable to be around - wouldn't you agree???
My favorite people in the WORLD are the ones I have seen at their worst. Or the ones who have seen me at my worst...and are still my friend. The ones who hear my deepest thoughts and don't flinch..... the ones I have fought with-and talked it through.....the ones who see my house as it is....and want to come back because I am there - not because of what's on the floor.
My favorite people in the world know exactly who I am and love me anyways!!!
I have many checkers in my life. They aren't afraid to give me their honest thoughts. If I'm being a sh*t, they tell me. If I'm not to blame, they let me know.
We all need people to tell us what we don't want to hear. But also people who accept us as we are.
We are all unique. I say this often. Today it bears repeating.
I will never be an organized or consistent person. But it's that person who will run off to the beach at a moments notice with some kid we picked up along the way because they happened to be available.
That works for me. But it doesn't work for everyone.
I'm thankful for the moments when I am reminded of this. Because I HATE feeling insufficient.
Thanks to my checker, I realize I'm not insuffient.... I'm just.....me!
Happy Monday!
Weekend fun
A day to myself..... How will I use it???
Actually, it's already planned for me and I'm already behind, because I slept in until 9! When does that ever happen? Hasn't happened for a while.
Chris went to take some boys to the movies; Chris' mom is coming to pick up the girls for a shopping trip and I will be firmly planted at my computer.
Who works on the weekends??? I DO!! Especially when there is no one hounding me to get them this, or do that or make me food......
I will have a very productive week, as I have no kids M-F from 9-4. Super excited about that.
I have had a lot of things thrown my way this past week, but they are fun summer things so I have said YES!!! I promised my kids a good summer and so far, I'm surprised at what they have chosen. Mostly dance.
Thankfully, I have the schedule to take them anytime and anywhere. It's so nice not having to juggle who's picking up whom at what time.... You know what I mean???
But today it's a bit more down to business for me. The clock is ticking and I have many things on my plate, so that will be my day.
The girls are still in bed as yet. It's almost 10am. What a treat for them. I remember sleeping my weekends away when I was a kid.
I don't know why it makes me feel just a little uncomfortable when they sleep in so late. The house is quiet and it's actually pretty nice. But something inside me feels a little off when they aren't up at nearly 10.
That said, I'm still letting them sleep....at least for another 30. Because after that, they will have to get up and get ready to go with Grandma.
My first order of business after my blog is to get this smokey smell out of my hair. We did s'mores last night and I sat in the thick of the smoke.
Have you ever had a peanut butter cup S'more before?? No the little ones....but the BIG Reese's cups. The peanut butter helps cut the sweetness....... absolutely yummy!!!
My second order of business is sign up with a local (small) fitness place. I need a treadmill or elliptical and I'm NOT buying another one. We have had two in our house over the last 10 years and they both sad idle for most of their stay with us.
My third order of business is to finish up my work. (or at least put a huge dent in it). I have some ideas brewing that I want to get to, but my work has to be finished first.
It's a beautiful day to be productive. I' ll likely end the day with the BFF and mom, but I haven't really gotten that far yet, so no promises.
Just take advantage of your day!!!
Happy Sunday!
Actually, it's already planned for me and I'm already behind, because I slept in until 9! When does that ever happen? Hasn't happened for a while.
Chris went to take some boys to the movies; Chris' mom is coming to pick up the girls for a shopping trip and I will be firmly planted at my computer.
Who works on the weekends??? I DO!! Especially when there is no one hounding me to get them this, or do that or make me food......
I will have a very productive week, as I have no kids M-F from 9-4. Super excited about that.
I have had a lot of things thrown my way this past week, but they are fun summer things so I have said YES!!! I promised my kids a good summer and so far, I'm surprised at what they have chosen. Mostly dance.
Thankfully, I have the schedule to take them anytime and anywhere. It's so nice not having to juggle who's picking up whom at what time.... You know what I mean???
But today it's a bit more down to business for me. The clock is ticking and I have many things on my plate, so that will be my day.
The girls are still in bed as yet. It's almost 10am. What a treat for them. I remember sleeping my weekends away when I was a kid.
I don't know why it makes me feel just a little uncomfortable when they sleep in so late. The house is quiet and it's actually pretty nice. But something inside me feels a little off when they aren't up at nearly 10.
That said, I'm still letting them sleep....at least for another 30. Because after that, they will have to get up and get ready to go with Grandma.
My first order of business after my blog is to get this smokey smell out of my hair. We did s'mores last night and I sat in the thick of the smoke.
Have you ever had a peanut butter cup S'more before?? No the little ones....but the BIG Reese's cups. The peanut butter helps cut the sweetness....... absolutely yummy!!!
My second order of business is sign up with a local (small) fitness place. I need a treadmill or elliptical and I'm NOT buying another one. We have had two in our house over the last 10 years and they both sad idle for most of their stay with us.
My third order of business is to finish up my work. (or at least put a huge dent in it). I have some ideas brewing that I want to get to, but my work has to be finished first.
It's a beautiful day to be productive. I' ll likely end the day with the BFF and mom, but I haven't really gotten that far yet, so no promises.
Just take advantage of your day!!!
Happy Sunday!
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